As the title suggests, I need to decide to end my marriage or stay on for the sake of the kids.
Then again, I don’t know what is the right or wrong thing to do , or there is no right or wrong.
It’s come to a point , where every single day the same message flashes thru my head. End it! Because, it doesn’t feel like a marriage anymore. I refused to serve because I am afraid to be single again. I am afraid to give up the financial stability , I am afraid of facing the consequences.
The story, there is definitely wrong and right , black and white.
I grew up in a very conservative and suppressing family. That made me a very awkward and low self-esteemed person. Grow up I was envious of the people around me, they somehow always seemed better than me. I was very conscious of other people’s opinion of me. When the people around me started getting attached or hitched , I was very pressured why am I still single. Am I not attractive enough, do I have an awful personality? Very soon, I met my Husband – N. I felt he was the one for me, even though people around me have said we were not compatible , I wanted very much to get out of the ‘single; status and ignored all the red flags. Despite my parent’s warnings, I went ahead and married him. The day before the wedding, my gut told me to call it off. I still went ahead, thinking it was the right thing to do, after all we’ve been together for a couple of years.
This year was the most traumatizing and difficult year in my life. It isn’t life and death, but it is full of deceit and heartache. My marriage, in my opinion is broken beyond repair. With thoughts of ending it, every taunting day. He deserves better, and I deserve my freedom. In other people’s eyes, he is the perfect Daddy. That is something I won’t deny. He takes care of the family really well, everything I didn’t do , he did. Everything a Mum should do, he did. In comparison, I was the Bad-Mom. Would the kids rather we stay together as a family , with Mummy & Daddy unhappy.
I committed the ultimate betrayal to this marriage, I cheated on my husband. I’ve had multiple one-night stands, fwbs and affairs. And I don’t regret them at all. Not at all. Did he cheat on our marriage,? That’ll depend on how you define cheating. Maybe he did, maybe he didn’t. But that’s another story. They say, when you love a person, you love everything about them including their faults. No, overtime you will grow to resent yourself. I was so lonely , I was craving for the touch of another person. I cheated, because I was so lonely physically and emotionally.
When the quarrels were infrequent, and we had no intimacy at all. He is a control freak, I am not allowed to go out with my friends or have friends over. He will throw a fit or guilt trip me thinking I am a lousy mom. He would call me names or hurl verbal insults at me. He would check my bag and phone while I am asleep. For evidence of me cheating. I was very afraid of him, why I don’t know. Maybe the abuse has made me accustomed to all the name calling. If I went out , he would demand me to be back by a certain timing or else he will lock the gates. I was locked out of my own flat twice! Why would a normal person put up with such nonsense, I don’t know either. He would guilt trip me, saying stuff like how he sacrificed his time to be at home with the kids, and I went out!
He doesn’t have a social life, doesn’t mean I can’t have mine. I’ve already cut my friends out from my life after I married him, and I grew very resentful about it. I offered to stay with the kids so he can have a night out of something, he didn’t want to.
You can say the communication between us is non-existence. I was very afraid of him, his insults and guilt tripping. He said I have abandoned the family. Always going out. Why can’t I? Even If he agreed , he would guilt trip me into cancelling the plans. Do you know how resentful , I’ve become. He used to say he gave in to me, not because he is in the wrong, but rather, he values the marriage. I did try to change and be the person he wanted me to be, than again that is not me. I finally flipped and rebelled. That is when I started my affairs.
I cheated – period. I was very unhappy in my marriage. I resent everything I had now. Judge me for all you want, than again you are not me. I feel trapped and imprisoned in this marriage, yet I don’t have the guts to walk away. He must be equally miserable I bet. Why not end it? I am afraid of the drama that follows , the loneliness, the aftermath. All my life I was sheltered and protected. I never had to make my own decisions, now is the time I have to stand on my own 2 feet. Some people would say , I am very selfish. I cheated, I left my kids. Do you know, how lonely it is, staying in a loveless marriage. He hasn’t serve, because he believes I will change. I won’t. I am tired of being another person. I am not a good mum of wife I admit. I don’t stay at home and act like the perfect mum. I don’t do any of the mummy things, I believe the kids are their own person.
He deserves better, so do I. Should I end it?
Then again, I don’t know what is the right or wrong thing to do , or there is no right or wrong.
It’s come to a point , where every single day the same message flashes thru my head. End it! Because, it doesn’t feel like a marriage anymore. I refused to serve because I am afraid to be single again. I am afraid to give up the financial stability , I am afraid of facing the consequences.
The story, there is definitely wrong and right , black and white.
I grew up in a very conservative and suppressing family. That made me a very awkward and low self-esteemed person. Grow up I was envious of the people around me, they somehow always seemed better than me. I was very conscious of other people’s opinion of me. When the people around me started getting attached or hitched , I was very pressured why am I still single. Am I not attractive enough, do I have an awful personality? Very soon, I met my Husband – N. I felt he was the one for me, even though people around me have said we were not compatible , I wanted very much to get out of the ‘single; status and ignored all the red flags. Despite my parent’s warnings, I went ahead and married him. The day before the wedding, my gut told me to call it off. I still went ahead, thinking it was the right thing to do, after all we’ve been together for a couple of years.
This year was the most traumatizing and difficult year in my life. It isn’t life and death, but it is full of deceit and heartache. My marriage, in my opinion is broken beyond repair. With thoughts of ending it, every taunting day. He deserves better, and I deserve my freedom. In other people’s eyes, he is the perfect Daddy. That is something I won’t deny. He takes care of the family really well, everything I didn’t do , he did. Everything a Mum should do, he did. In comparison, I was the Bad-Mom. Would the kids rather we stay together as a family , with Mummy & Daddy unhappy.
I committed the ultimate betrayal to this marriage, I cheated on my husband. I’ve had multiple one-night stands, fwbs and affairs. And I don’t regret them at all. Not at all. Did he cheat on our marriage,? That’ll depend on how you define cheating. Maybe he did, maybe he didn’t. But that’s another story. They say, when you love a person, you love everything about them including their faults. No, overtime you will grow to resent yourself. I was so lonely , I was craving for the touch of another person. I cheated, because I was so lonely physically and emotionally.
When the quarrels were infrequent, and we had no intimacy at all. He is a control freak, I am not allowed to go out with my friends or have friends over. He will throw a fit or guilt trip me thinking I am a lousy mom. He would call me names or hurl verbal insults at me. He would check my bag and phone while I am asleep. For evidence of me cheating. I was very afraid of him, why I don’t know. Maybe the abuse has made me accustomed to all the name calling. If I went out , he would demand me to be back by a certain timing or else he will lock the gates. I was locked out of my own flat twice! Why would a normal person put up with such nonsense, I don’t know either. He would guilt trip me, saying stuff like how he sacrificed his time to be at home with the kids, and I went out!
He doesn’t have a social life, doesn’t mean I can’t have mine. I’ve already cut my friends out from my life after I married him, and I grew very resentful about it. I offered to stay with the kids so he can have a night out of something, he didn’t want to.
You can say the communication between us is non-existence. I was very afraid of him, his insults and guilt tripping. He said I have abandoned the family. Always going out. Why can’t I? Even If he agreed , he would guilt trip me into cancelling the plans. Do you know how resentful , I’ve become. He used to say he gave in to me, not because he is in the wrong, but rather, he values the marriage. I did try to change and be the person he wanted me to be, than again that is not me. I finally flipped and rebelled. That is when I started my affairs.
I cheated – period. I was very unhappy in my marriage. I resent everything I had now. Judge me for all you want, than again you are not me. I feel trapped and imprisoned in this marriage, yet I don’t have the guts to walk away. He must be equally miserable I bet. Why not end it? I am afraid of the drama that follows , the loneliness, the aftermath. All my life I was sheltered and protected. I never had to make my own decisions, now is the time I have to stand on my own 2 feet. Some people would say , I am very selfish. I cheated, I left my kids. Do you know, how lonely it is, staying in a loveless marriage. He hasn’t serve, because he believes I will change. I won’t. I am tired of being another person. I am not a good mum of wife I admit. I don’t stay at home and act like the perfect mum. I don’t do any of the mummy things, I believe the kids are their own person.
He deserves better, so do I. Should I end it?
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