Support Group - Stillbirths

Hi coral, the doc said that jogging is the only exercise that affects the ovulation cycle. Somehow, others don't. But he recommended swimming if you want a good full body exercise. :)

Billings method is indeed a wonderful way for planning a family since you will know whether you are in your fertile or infertile period of your current cycle by observing the look and feel of your discharge everyday.

So if you are trying to conceive, you don't have to try everyday for the whole month and waste the "little swimmers" since you'll know when to try. I'm sure both you and your hubby don't want the wonderful process of conceiving to be a stressful chore rite? :) FYI, sperm quality drops if you try everyday...

And if you are avoiding pregnancy, you and your hubby can just abstain from sex during your fertile periods. That means you don't have to spend money buying contraceptives and you don't have to worry about side effects from pills!

It may sound ridiculous to abstain but abstinence increases discipline and desire, which translates to better relationship! Stats have shown that divorce rate among couples who don't practise NFP is around 50% but it's only 2% for couples who practise NFP. :)

Oh yes... by observing discharges everyday, you will also understand your body much better and so, you'll know if something is not quite right (e.g. very long cycles, infection, early cancer signs, etc) and you can seek help from your doc.

Haha... realised I sound like selling something but I'm just sharing something wonderful which many couples are missing out.

All the best!
 


Hi Joan, after reading the site I realise the billing method is not something new to me. Yes, that's how I observe my own fertility cycle too. Just never know it's called that. I found it to be the most hassel free method. In fact I've taught my colleague this method too. No need to do charts or take temperature, very convenient.

ya, you do sound like a sales person. Hee, others might think you get a commission for that. Hee. Thanks for sharing.
 
Hi Snort, my holiay break was in end Oct early Nov. Ever since then it was weork work work non-stop. been travelling a fair bit for work, but the good thing is the check-ups show that my body is fine and i'll start ttc in 2006.

In case I don't get to chat with you gals soon, here's wishing everyone and your family a Wonderful Christmas and a Fruitful New Year!
 
to all the ladies here who have loved and lost...

Child Bereavement Support (www.childbereavementsupport.org.sg) is planning a memorial service for all babies who have gone to heaven. if you are interested, check out their website for details. also, they are starting a memorial page for angel babies too...
 
Hi mommies, i just came across this forum and hv read all ur msgs n i really feel what all of u feel here. nobody will understand ur pains better than someone who has been there. i hv never had a still birth but i lost my 7 wks old boy almost 3 mths ago to a heart defect which was only detected when he was 5 wks old. all the doctors i brought him to said he was a miracle baby because no baby who has his condition can survive for more than a week without surgery. anyhow the surgery can only prolong his life but not correct the problem and whether or not he will survive surgery is another question. to cut the story short, my husb n i decided not to go for surgery becos we dun want to put him thru all those sufferings and trust god all the way. but god decided to call him back home on 2/11. i was devastated n i nearly went crazy. but i know i hv to be strong for my 3 other kids. everyone says he is the most handsome of all my boys but God has better plans for him i guess.

Today, almost 3 mths later after he left, i wud say that the pain has slightly lessen but never a day goes by without me thinking n missing of my beloved angel. i still break down each time i feel the pain. my only comfort is that i know he is now in a better place with jesus and is happy and healthy and that i will be reunited with him again soon.

to all u mommies out there who hv loved n lost, many ppl say time will heal our wounds. but we ourseves know better that no amt of time can heal our wounds n erase our pains. we only deal with them better each day and learn to be stronger. cry all u want if u need to becos crying is part of the healing process and dun be afraid to talk abt ur angels. they r such precious part of our lives. all our angels will always be a part of us.
 
Hi blessedmommy. Nice of you to come in and share. Yes, the pain neever goes away, but we learn to cope better as time passes. And most importantly, we learn to take comfort in that our bbs are all in good hands and are now fine and happy in heaven. I still miss my boy the heartache is still there but I'm glad he's no longer suffering.
 
hi coral, great to hear from u. all of us hv different experiences but we hv come together to talk abt our griefs and our angels in heaven. i always find it good to talk it out rather than bottling things. this support group is fantastic!
 
hi coral

hope all's well with you...
happy.gif
 
To blessedmommy
Tried to send you a pm but i think you've set it to not accepting. I am presently expecting at 34 weeks and my baby has been diagnosed with serious heart defect too. doctors say he won't survive long without operation which will anyway only prolong his life but not cure the condition.

My husband and I have to decide whether to proceed with the operation when he's born or to let things take their course.

Was wondering whether you can message or email me at [email protected]. Thanks
 
Hi Snort, I'm doing fine. Keeping my mind and body as healthy as I could. Has stop myself from dwelling too much on unhappy things. There's lots of happy moments waiting for us.
 
Hi gals;

I have lost my bb at week 20. It was due to cervix incompetence. I am able to stitch my cervix but doc warns that the stitches might break about 2 weeks time and the possibilty of having a premature baby will be much possible. Regardless, i still go for the ops but my cervix incompetence had caused the waterbag and membrane rupture. It seems that it is godwill that i can't keep my baby.

Now i live everyday with fear and miserable, every step i walk, every breath i took, i think of my boy so much. i don'cry so much now but i guess my feelings and thoughts are the same with you all..
 
hi mavis,
I'm very sorry to hear about your loss. It must be a traumatic experience for you. Do take time out to grieve over your loss, writing your thoughts out here will help you feel better. We are here to listen and support you.

We don't know God's Plan for us, and its normal to feel angry, fear, disbelief, etc. But we can hope and pray that one day we will have a child of our own.

Medical wise, I believe you still have a very good chance of having a full term baby. Putting a cerclage before week 20 and complete bed rest till full term will help alot in your next pregnancy. In the meantime, just rest well and eat well.
 
Dear Mavis,

I am sorry to hear about your loss and could understand how you feel. While yr boy will always occupy that special place in yr heart, do believe that you will feel better as the days go by. Do take care of your health and focus on staying healthy for your next pregnancy.
 
Dearest Jave & Droopy;

Thanks you so much for your encouragement. Knowing that i am no alone and writing my thoughts down in this forum helps me to vent my agony.. when i wake up in the morning, i feel so lost and fear , I simply can't digest the fact that the baby is still alive but because of my poor development of cervix, i have to abort the baby in such manner.. and my condition happen to be 1 out of 1000!! ( according to doc)

i really need to talk to someone and i am glad i have started this forum here and pen my thoughts down.

java, u seems to know the medical condition of mine?? ( with cerlarge) i really hope my next pregnancy wld be smooth sailing. I have plan to quit my job and have full bedrest. i wonder what are my chances..
Meantime, i will 'try' to think positive and stay healthy
 
Dear All

I'm Wendy. I'm so glad to find this website and really could find alot of encouragement from here. I believe all of you are very strong and after what i went thru and read thru all these threads, i believe there is a purpose for everything that had happen.

I had a 7yo adorable daughter whom she is in P1 now. After many years, last July, i finally concieved and all of us r looking forward to the newborn, esp my eldest gal as she always wanted a sibling. But things happen at 11th week, my gynae could not detect the heartbeat and confirmed that the fetous had already self aborted.

We were very sad and my HB and myself hug together and cried. My gal is still young and we explained to her that the baby is unhealthy and was in heaven now. After a week, she regain her usual self and became bubbly again.

Soon after 6 months, i realised that I was pregant again. We just take things naturally as i had rested well in my previous miscarriage and we very much wanted to have another baby.

It is during end of January, I found that I am pregant and hence after, I had a very bad morning sickness which is worst that the last 2 pregancies. For this round, I could not eat and vomitted every other day. i was frustrated but thinking it is very normal and also with having my weekly hormone pills and jab, i tell myself, that gives me another 8 months and will able to see my healthy baby, resemble my gal.

Last 2 weeks, when i went for my checkup, my gynae advised us that my the heartbeat of my baby is very weak and fade and morever, in this trimester, i fainted once due to low blood and sugar.

He gives me alot of advise that if I am able to pull thru, he worries that I have premature labour, otherwise baby and myself will be in danger.

I was speechless and my HB was firm, he advise we should maybe abort this baby before 3 months and regret hence after.

I was v depressed and keep asking myself and thinking bad what did i eat or do and why i could not substain these 2 pregancies. I cried every night but still went to website to find out more.

After reading, and spoken with my counsellor and 1 of my auntie whom I very close with. I decided to give up this baby.

Things juz went all ahead and i believe God knows. Before my final decision, went for scan again, and again the heartbeat is very weak and fade.....

Heartache, i agree to abort the feotus....

Now, it had passed 2 weeks, i m resting well. My family and inlaws are very supportive and helping me with chores, insisted that I have my confinement.

After went thru these 2 tramatised odeals for me, i am still very depressed as I believe it is the instinct of being a mother.....

I told myself I have to be strong for my gal as she is being very affected about having to let go another sibling...

Things are getting back to normal and for myself, i had sleepless nights and sometimes do cry....

i had made a decision since I had been a homemaker for more than 2 years, after complete rest, maybe it is time for me to be out to the corporate world again.......

ladies, please take care.........and feel much more better to pen down my words....

hopefully, all of us , regain back our health and there is a better tomorrow....

cheerio
wendy
 
Hi Wendy;

I can feel your pain, same like you, my lost is so recent and memories still fresh in me. At times, when i wake up in the morning, the truth hits me so hard and i couldn't bring myself to 'lead' a normal day life, I simply lost motivation in doing things like what i used to do and i hate the sight of pregnant ladies and feel that it is so unfair that others are doing so well but mine has to be so exceptional.

like you, i begin to think if i have ate something wrong or walk too much to aggreviate the miscarriage but i begin to realise that things are really beyond my control, how could we know things that is going to happen?

However, things are not as bad as what u have thought right? your families and friends are around with you. we just have to get back to our feet and be ready to fight for another battle as i have told myself that i will try again and think positively. As what my hb has said, there are sure good and bad memories, definetly more good ones will come by and hopefully in near future, we can all be proud and happy mummies.
 
hi there

I had a stillbirth last nov, I lost my baby at 24 weeks. The gynae detected there is no heartbeat found at one of the routine check up.
Had gone thru the abortion and D&C.
I cried most of the time while i am awake.

I can't find fren to talk to, most of them don't not have such experience.
One even tell me the body system suppose to get rid of unhealhty featus so it will ended up miscariage, but mine is not, and the gynae even said if is not due to the twisted cord, he is a healthy baby boy... that make me even want to cry more...

4 months passed, i found myself pregnant again.

It is a happy occasion and i should be happy, but when i think of the pass experience, i just so worry how long more i can be happy?

I can't sleep the other day thinking of this question...
I am glad to found this website and to see some other brave mummies out there can give me courage to go on...
 
Hi Mavis & Sunny
The doctor suspected that my stillbirth could be due to cervical incompetence as well. But no conclusion. I had another early miscarriage after that.

I'm expecting again, wanted a cerclege but gynae says it may not be necessary since it's a singleton this time round. She'll check the cervical length at regular intervals to make sure it's not shortening.

I have taken no pay leave for this pregnancy hoping for the best. Resting at home now.

Sunny, it takes a long time to ease the pain. Even now, after more than a year and a half, i still cry when i think of them. I try not to be sad...it's hard, I know.

I guess we'll have to leave it in the hands of God, there is only so much we can do.
 
thanks K&K, i am sorry about your lost, it really bring me to tears after reading all the stories...

yeah i have to believe that everything is fated now.
I tried to be happy everyday.
I was lucky in a way i got PG again in such a short time. I ask the doc is it too early to be PG again? he said it is ok it just show that u r fertile.
I am at my late 30s, no time lost if i want to have another one, i must do it soon.

i hope & pray everything go on smoothly...
 
Sunny day, 1stly, congratulations!

Please stay positive for your bb. I lost my 1st bb in the 2nd trimester, no reasons were found. I am now in my 39th week of my 2nd pregnancy n waiting for my gal gal to arrive. I can fully understand how you feel. I got pregnant about 4 months after my loss too. I am not going to lie, the fear is always there but do remember this is a new pregnancy, new placenta, new cord. What u can do is to keep yourself very healthy, eat well, rest well and control your stress level. I am sure everything will go smoothly. Do stay positive.
happy.gif
 
Hi KK and to all the mummies to be;

Mine has to be treated as a true cervix incompetence case. Cos my cervix already fully diliated during my 20weeks of pregancy. 2 gynea had already concluded my miscarriage and i have to be on cerlage for my next pregnancy

Pls do rest well at home, i plan to quit my job too if i were to be pregnant again and hb want me to be on full bedrest, better to be safe for my next babie

I am so happy to all the mummies to be, like what i say there is always good things to come along and i am waiting for my chance to come.
 
hi mavis,
Do what you must. Maybe you can ask for no pay leave, if your company don't mind. If not then quit your job. Sad to say, I'm quite well versed to all kinds of pregnancy complications. I was the one who started this thread. I had recurrent stillbirths the past 3 years and finally have a son now. He's coming to 3 months old already. So don't give up hope yah!

Droopy! JIA YOU!!! Do let us know your birth story. Really happy for you!

K&K, glad to hear you are pregnant again. Congrats! Drink more water and stay out of crowded and noisy places. Eat healthily and sleep well. I'm sure you will be alright. Do keep us updated on your progress.
 
thanks Droopy, i will remind myself constantly to stay positive. Knowing there are so many mummies here gone thru such experience, i am not alone, and i know i must do it and i can definately do it!
Java, thanks for started such thread, it really help us to go thru such tough time...
 
Hi all;

Java : 3 cheers to you who started off with this thread, agree with sunny, it really helps us to go through this period of tough time. I have a small request, if u do not mind, can u recount your story once again, cos i think it will be really inspiring and motivating to keep us going..Initially, it really breaks my heart when i lost my boy and i even thought of adopting a child, i really scared for another failure, Nonetheless after much thought, i don't think i should give up and thanks for your encouragement, i must really be strong and think positive for my next one..

sunny ; pls be positive, when i found out that i was pregnant and at the same time commencing another new job, i was so worried that i might get retrenched and do not think positively, i keep blaming meself that i have put my job in the 'first place' and true enough, i lost my baby and i really really regret...i would not think twice to quit my job if i were to conceive again..

Just like to check if anyone knows what other test can i do for recurrent miscarriages as i have a miscarriage on my 8 weeks and subsequently on my 20 weeks..?

Thanks!
 
hi mavis,

I had 2 stillbirths both lost at 35 weeks. First one lost on 1 June 2003, the other on 22 Jan 2005. I did some blood test. Found out to have protein S deficiency, a kind of Inherited Thrombophilia that causes blood clots in the placenta. I administered heparin shots during my 3rd pregnancy to thin the blood and went for weekly CTG monitoring starting 30 weeks. Took 2 painful steroid jabs 2 days before my scheduled delivery to mature the baby's lungs. After the first stillbirth, I was very traumatised and cry every night. Luckily for the m/c thread, I received alot of support and encouragement and therefore wanted so much to get pregnant again. Unfortunately I only conceived 10 months later. The second preg was not very smooth, I had spotting and was on utrogestan pills. Then at 14th weeks, I had lousy triple test results saying 1:76 chance of Down Syndrome. All those worry came to naught, coz I lost my baby again. I was feeling really weary and tired, so took a break in baby making and enjoy other aspects of life. Like you I thought about adoption, but just when all hope was lost, I became pregnant again 4 months later. You know where I conceived? On Rawa Island in Malaysia. It was one of my snorkelling trips. Now when I think of it, no wonder my baby likes to bathe and kick his legs in the bath tub.
happy.gif


So don't give up! You will be blessed with a bundle of joy soon. Do other things in the meantime, like looking forward to the coming Singapore Sale, go travelling, etc. If not once you have a baby, you will have panda eyes like me.

Not sure if you will want to do this. Recurrent m/c in the 1st or 2nd tri may be due to natural killer cells. You may want to see a IVF specialist and see if he/she can get you tested on that. You want to see my gynae? Dr WK Tan from TMC. She's very experienced.
 
Dear All,

Sorry, I have not log in for a while. Liek many of you I lost my bb last July when he was 24wks. Until today, the pain is there. Like Sunny and K&K, I'm preg again, but the shadow is there. I'm trying my best to be positive. I've quit my job to rest at home as my boss don't allow me to take leave. I'm still suffering from bad morning sickness, but I hope to bring good news to this thread and hope the ladies here will live in hope than in fear. It was the hope for my future bb that kept me going after I lost my boy. I'm feeling too tired to type more. Just want to say, we're here to support each other and please take care.
 
Hi Coral,
I have read your postings before and I just wanted to let you know that I really admire you for your courage and strength.

Now that you are pregnant, do take care of yourself and baby ! Hope you'll have a smooth pregancy and all the best to you..
 
dearest java;

i do apologize to bring up your past memories but i really really appreciate your encouragement rendered to me and i begin to feel that there will be hope for me too. Of course am worried but at the same time anticipate for the next one.. hope i can soon join all the mummies to be

i've been to rawa island too..i simply loves that place .. must really plan another trip with hb again.

killer cells.. will check with my gynea on my next visit if it is necc for me..thanks for the recommendation..my gynea quite experience too, handle high risk pregnancies..DR Tony Tan from KKH.

Coral, K&K, Sunny, Droppy & Java, pls gals, keep this thread on going.. its been so great communicating with all of you..although the pain still hurts and i still cry occassionaly.. but nonetheless, this thread helps me to move on..
 
Hi Coral;

i have read your thread too.. we are all here to give u support, can understand how u feel right now..

wish to give u a hug now.. . Pls do take care of yourself and i am sure you and your baby will be fine!
 
hi Coral, how many weeks r u at now?
I am around 7weeks, like u having the MS now.

I surf the net and trying to find out if anybody out there having the same case as me, here's one website that keep me going http://sheknows.com/about/look/38.htm
My case is very smiliar to hers. My was due to cord problem too as it get too twisted.

I lost him in Nov last year, around Oct last year i was surfing the net try to find confinement lady. But when i m back to work in Jan06, i was busy surfing the web to check for TTC website.

it is a terrible feeling, the only thing that keep me going is seeing my mens late and my hope of getting PG get closer...
 
Thank you for the well wishes and concern. I'm staying strong for my bb and for Kaden whom I've lost.

Sunny day, I'm going to be 12wks by Sat. Now getting better, can eat breakfast and some lunch, just still can't eat at night and still feel very sick from afternoon. Hang in there, it'll all be worth it.
 
Hi mavis, below is something I read from a book on how to predict the likelihood of a miscarriage.

A simple predictive test, carried out before pregnancy, can help to identify women who are likely to miscarry again. During the menstural cycle, too high a level of LH (Luteinizing hormone, which controls other hormones involved in pregnancy, including estrogen) before ovulation increases the risk of miscarriage.
 
Hi coral;

how to do the LH test? any test kit to predict or need to check with gynea? did you do it on yourself too?
 
No mavis, I only read about it two nights ago. It's from a book by Dr Mariam Stoppard. I was reading about the case of a MTB with history of m/c. Then it say teh doc tested her LH level b4 her new preg and found the LH level to be acceptable so they think the preg should be a smooth one. Maybe can ask gynae abt it. I also 1st time come across...
 
whenever i read this thread..it make me learnt to appreciate my bb more. alothough i dun have stillborn but i got miscarriage b4. i can totaly feel the pain of losing of your loves one regardless how old is the bb
 
Hi Gals,
I gave up my pregnancy 3 months back due to fetal abnormality during the end of my 2 trimester. It was an induced natural birth. After 1 month, my menses came. It was very heavy - 7 days. Then the following month, the menses lasted for 3 days only.But just when I tot the menses were ending, strangely I continued spotting for 2 weeks (sometimes fresh blood; sometimes brown stains). I am very concerned but I have no wish to visit my gynae visit any clinics anymore because I am too traumatised by my preg.

Pls advise if such long spotting is normal. Thanks!
 
Hi mavis, what test did the gynae perform on you to know that you have had cervix incompetence? I had a miscarriage on the 3rd may and it was due to water bag burst. my poor baby already 21 weeks going 22weeks. sigh. When I saw his fully formed and lieing next to me it just breaks my heart. This is my first attempt for a kid and it's really devastasting. I don't know if I could conceive again. But my gynae only could tell me that i had no prior history hence this miscarriage could not be prevented... I think that's not a good answer for me. I had my last scan on 28th april. And have always been looking forward to gynae appt and I know my baby also very excited each time cause he kicks me alot when we are about to see gynae.

have lost my bb at week 20. It was due to cervix incompetence. I am able to stitch my cervix but doc warns that the stitches might break about 2 weeks time and the possibilty of having a premature baby will be much possible. Regardless, i still go for the ops but my cervix incompetence had caused the waterbag and membrane rupture. It seems that it is godwill that i can't keep my baby.

Now i live everyday with fear and miserable, every step i walk, every breath i took, i think of my boy so much. i don'cry so much now but i guess my feelings and thoughts are the same with you all.. On the day the waterbag burst I still ask baby if he's okay and he gave me a last kick before my waterbag burst at home. I am still so scared. I still can remember how it all happen each time I close my eyes.it's been more than a week now but I still can remember his face as he lie motionlessly beside me.
 
sorry mavis i accidentally pasted your message below mine.

Hi mavis, what test did the gynae perform on you to know that you have had cervix incompetence? I had a miscarriage on the 3rd may and it was due to water bag burst. my poor baby already 21 weeks going 22weeks. sigh. When I saw his fully formed and lieing next to me it just breaks my heart. This is my first attempt for a kid and it's really devastasting. I don't know if I could conceive again. But my gynae only could tell me that i had no prior history hence this miscarriage could not be prevented... I think that's not a good answer for me. I had my last scan on 28th april. And have always been looking forward to gynae appt and I know my baby also very excited each time cause he kicks me alot when we are about to see gynae.
 
BellsBells, my heart goes out to you. I have also lost my boy at Wk 21 last year. I can understand how u feel. My detailed scan showed my boy to be normal and till now, it is still a mystery why he left. But do rest and eat well. As my gynae told me lightning will never strike the same place twice. My second pregnancy was smooth but I was so paranoid n worried throughout the 9 months. I am now a tired but happy mother of a one month plus baby gal. I do miss my boy and think of him from time to time, but do trust that u will be a proud mother soon too. Take care
 
worried, my 1st menses after the m/c is spot spot spot for quite a while, then blood, very heavy n less clots than before pregnancy, then spot spot spot...but 2nd menses onwards was normal already. If u dun feel good, do visit another gynae loh, I understand how u feel, after my m/c I dread going back to my gynae too.
 
Hi Bells;

I know how you feel.. its a hurdle that all gals here have to go through this period of enduring and tough times..Sigh.

Like you, all my scans were okay and waited anxiously to go for week 20 scan. A week before the appt, while i was on my way to work, i felt water leaking out from virgina and wet my entire panty. Gynea check my cervix and says it has not diliated and waterbag did not burst. I may have infection and gave me some medicine, since the leaking had stopped, i did not suspect further and waited anxiously to see my baby on week 20 scan. Unfortunately, a day b/4 the scan, i had spotting and gynea felt something was wrong and he concluded CI, which he can't feel anything and told me its cervix imcompetence and i may loss my babie. Rest is history as you can read my posting earlier..

2 of my gynea told me that i did not burst my waterbag, it was during the opps and CI ( cervix imcompetence) causes the waterbag to burst and lead to my miscarriage..

if your condition happen to be CI, your gynea was right that there was no previous case to prevent it. ( i had done a lot of research in the internet)

did your gynea told you it was CI? because just waterbag burst alone shld not be concluded as CI.. and did he mentioned a cerlage to be done for your next pregnancy?

get lots of information from your gynea, you deserve the best solution from him to prevent from happening again. Do rest well and get prepared for your next pregnancy. As you can read from the posting here, lots of gals got pregnant again...

let me know shld you need further clarifiation. If you do not mind, u can email me at this address cos i had limitation using the internet during office hrs.. ( no choice) you can send to this add at [email protected]
 
Worried and Bells, I'm sorry to hear abt your case. Do take care of your health now. Worried, my menses for the first time was also very heavy, the second one not as heavy but lasted long but not as long as yours. Do see a gynae if the irregularity persist. I dread going to hospital aft the incident too. The worst part is at KKH for every registration they made me repeat the story of how I lost my boy, I ended up crying a few time for my post visits. But it's something I just have to learn to be strong and handle.
 


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