Clariceseah
New Member
Dear all,
Sorry for the long post.
Although I am in the midst of recovering, I think it would be good for me to write my experience here and share with anyone who is unfortunate to go through the same. I was desperately searching all over the place for information but everything is scattered and in bits and pieces. I hope this will help anyone who comes across it.
I was diagnosed as having a missed miscarriage last Thursday as the fortis had stopped growing at 6/7 weeks. No heartbeat was found. A week before that, I sought a second opinion, and after the diagnosis by the regular gynae, I sought a third opinion. All said the same thing. This is the time to read about the procedure to come, then unsubscribe from any forums or sites that will remind u of the baby.
I braced myself for the inevitable d&c. On Friday, I went to the doctor's office to submit the paperwork for admission on Saturday. I was given an antiseptic wash and antibiotics for after the op. That same day, I indulged in whatever food I wanted, no cold drinks still, but I went out for a movie to get my mind off things.
Once I got home, thoughts came back and it was more fear than anything. What GA felt like, what would come after, etc. My husband was my rock all this time. I started dating from 1am onwards. No food no water.
Next morning. 7.30am. Arrived at Mount E to get admitted. Once I was on the bed, the nurse inserted a pill to loosen the cervix. This would take 3 hrs to take effect. I was to continue to lie there and not get up any more. My stand stayed with me throughout this time.
Just before the operating theatre people came to push me in, my husband and I rubbed my belly and bid farewell to little baby. As they pushed me in, I started to cry, and my husband watch me disappear into the operating area. I continued to cry all the while and in the operating theatre, the nurse tried to calm me down. I was also shivering from the cold and fear, which the nurses also tried to help me stop with a little heater.
The anaesthesist came to ask some questions, and as the rest prepared for the procedure, the doctor came in. I was reduced to sobs by now and kept trying to remind myself how baby is not ready for us yet, and only came to tell us that we could conceive naturally. i told myself as many positive things as i could to stop the crying. soon, I was given a mask and told to breathe normally while I was injected, and instantly knocked out.
The nurses woke me up about 30 or 45 min later. I was dazed, but instantly recognized the cramp-like pain. It was very very bad. But the nurse explained a painkiller had already been administered and had not taken effect. As I was pushed back to the ward where my hubby was waiting for me, the pain continued. This lasted for about another 30min or so. When it subsided, I think I dozed off for a bit here and there. I probably drank a bit of water too. I was hungry and thirsty but too tired to try the milo and biscuits until about 1-2 hrs later.
During this time, I could occasionally feel bleeding below, like having your period. After having read so many things online, I knew that the pad would be soaked when I stood up. Eventually, I did manage to sit up. The nurse had advised that before they could let me go, I must be able to go to the toilet and pee, but to move very slowly. So I did just that, sitting up slowly, eventually walking to the toilet, and changing into my clothes. Yes. Pad was soaked through. I was given 1 week HL. The following week I took 1 week annual leave.
Once I got home, it was confinement time. No water. Only hot red date + Longan + wolf berry drink everyday. Food all cooked with ginger and sesame oil only. Breakfast was plain wholemeal bread. Milo was introduced only a few days later. Since my body probably did not change so much during this time, I believe I only need a shorter confinement of about 1 week. No going out, no outside food, no housework. I also didn't take any other herbal things. I was on antibiotics so no alcohol (DOM etc).
I am happy to report that physically, I feel much better now and probably back to normal. I will never know how "recovered" or "nourished" my insides are but I will continue to avoid carrying anything heavy for now, and try to eat healthily (minus anything cold or raw). At least for 1 more week.
Today is day 10. I may go out and walk around a bit. Need to try to get back some normalcy before heading back to work. May help my body readjust physically, since I haven't been moving much all this time (on bed rest when pregnant), and will slowly try to introduce outside food since I will have to do so from next week onwards.
Emotionally - it has been painful. Pain, guilt, anger, sadness... Everything. U get angry at people who u should not be at, then u start feeling sorry and guilty. Then u start blaming yourself for what happened, then u feel sad. And during the moments u find something to laugh about, or momentarily forget what has happened - u feel guilty again.
A lot of tears flowed. I do not know if I have seen the last of them, but I am determined to move on. Whether or not we can have another baby, we shall see. We do not want our hopes up, so we shall I try to move on as best as we can. Getting depressed will only put a strain on the relationship with hubby, family and friends,
One way to deal with friends is to tell them individually what happened but not to share with anyone else. The ones u want to talk to during this time. Then warn them that u will get angry at them sometimes though u cannot help it, so they can understand. I also tell them not to say any consoling words as they only make me angry or sad. Just a "how are u?" will suffice. This has helped them to deal with me, and helped myself too. Seeing babies, pregnant people, etc will also upset. But whatever it is that we tell ourselves to say why it happened to us, we must keep having it in mind and believe it.
Stop thinking of the "what if"s and "if only"s. Stop thinking about who else to blame.
No one was to blame. It happened. Nothing can turn back time to change it.
We can only think about what to do from now on.
Easier said than done. Of course. But I will continue to try to apply this. I refuse to wallow in depression and stay in this dark place. No matter what I have been through, others have had it worse and moved on too. If they can do it, so can I. So can we all.
Sorry for the long post.
Although I am in the midst of recovering, I think it would be good for me to write my experience here and share with anyone who is unfortunate to go through the same. I was desperately searching all over the place for information but everything is scattered and in bits and pieces. I hope this will help anyone who comes across it.
I was diagnosed as having a missed miscarriage last Thursday as the fortis had stopped growing at 6/7 weeks. No heartbeat was found. A week before that, I sought a second opinion, and after the diagnosis by the regular gynae, I sought a third opinion. All said the same thing. This is the time to read about the procedure to come, then unsubscribe from any forums or sites that will remind u of the baby.
I braced myself for the inevitable d&c. On Friday, I went to the doctor's office to submit the paperwork for admission on Saturday. I was given an antiseptic wash and antibiotics for after the op. That same day, I indulged in whatever food I wanted, no cold drinks still, but I went out for a movie to get my mind off things.
Once I got home, thoughts came back and it was more fear than anything. What GA felt like, what would come after, etc. My husband was my rock all this time. I started dating from 1am onwards. No food no water.
Next morning. 7.30am. Arrived at Mount E to get admitted. Once I was on the bed, the nurse inserted a pill to loosen the cervix. This would take 3 hrs to take effect. I was to continue to lie there and not get up any more. My stand stayed with me throughout this time.
Just before the operating theatre people came to push me in, my husband and I rubbed my belly and bid farewell to little baby. As they pushed me in, I started to cry, and my husband watch me disappear into the operating area. I continued to cry all the while and in the operating theatre, the nurse tried to calm me down. I was also shivering from the cold and fear, which the nurses also tried to help me stop with a little heater.
The anaesthesist came to ask some questions, and as the rest prepared for the procedure, the doctor came in. I was reduced to sobs by now and kept trying to remind myself how baby is not ready for us yet, and only came to tell us that we could conceive naturally. i told myself as many positive things as i could to stop the crying. soon, I was given a mask and told to breathe normally while I was injected, and instantly knocked out.
The nurses woke me up about 30 or 45 min later. I was dazed, but instantly recognized the cramp-like pain. It was very very bad. But the nurse explained a painkiller had already been administered and had not taken effect. As I was pushed back to the ward where my hubby was waiting for me, the pain continued. This lasted for about another 30min or so. When it subsided, I think I dozed off for a bit here and there. I probably drank a bit of water too. I was hungry and thirsty but too tired to try the milo and biscuits until about 1-2 hrs later.
During this time, I could occasionally feel bleeding below, like having your period. After having read so many things online, I knew that the pad would be soaked when I stood up. Eventually, I did manage to sit up. The nurse had advised that before they could let me go, I must be able to go to the toilet and pee, but to move very slowly. So I did just that, sitting up slowly, eventually walking to the toilet, and changing into my clothes. Yes. Pad was soaked through. I was given 1 week HL. The following week I took 1 week annual leave.
Once I got home, it was confinement time. No water. Only hot red date + Longan + wolf berry drink everyday. Food all cooked with ginger and sesame oil only. Breakfast was plain wholemeal bread. Milo was introduced only a few days later. Since my body probably did not change so much during this time, I believe I only need a shorter confinement of about 1 week. No going out, no outside food, no housework. I also didn't take any other herbal things. I was on antibiotics so no alcohol (DOM etc).
I am happy to report that physically, I feel much better now and probably back to normal. I will never know how "recovered" or "nourished" my insides are but I will continue to avoid carrying anything heavy for now, and try to eat healthily (minus anything cold or raw). At least for 1 more week.
Today is day 10. I may go out and walk around a bit. Need to try to get back some normalcy before heading back to work. May help my body readjust physically, since I haven't been moving much all this time (on bed rest when pregnant), and will slowly try to introduce outside food since I will have to do so from next week onwards.
Emotionally - it has been painful. Pain, guilt, anger, sadness... Everything. U get angry at people who u should not be at, then u start feeling sorry and guilty. Then u start blaming yourself for what happened, then u feel sad. And during the moments u find something to laugh about, or momentarily forget what has happened - u feel guilty again.
A lot of tears flowed. I do not know if I have seen the last of them, but I am determined to move on. Whether or not we can have another baby, we shall see. We do not want our hopes up, so we shall I try to move on as best as we can. Getting depressed will only put a strain on the relationship with hubby, family and friends,
One way to deal with friends is to tell them individually what happened but not to share with anyone else. The ones u want to talk to during this time. Then warn them that u will get angry at them sometimes though u cannot help it, so they can understand. I also tell them not to say any consoling words as they only make me angry or sad. Just a "how are u?" will suffice. This has helped them to deal with me, and helped myself too. Seeing babies, pregnant people, etc will also upset. But whatever it is that we tell ourselves to say why it happened to us, we must keep having it in mind and believe it.
Stop thinking of the "what if"s and "if only"s. Stop thinking about who else to blame.
No one was to blame. It happened. Nothing can turn back time to change it.
We can only think about what to do from now on.
Easier said than done. Of course. But I will continue to try to apply this. I refuse to wallow in depression and stay in this dark place. No matter what I have been through, others have had it worse and moved on too. If they can do it, so can I. So can we all.