My husband and I have different dreams in life

[mummytoh84]

We have been together for 15years. I have a sec 1 boy and 2 girls. We have been always living happily for the past 13years. The reason is mainly because I compromise a lot. I always think since we are husband and wife, I dont want to be too gek gao.

I work, do all the housework on wkends, Im lucky my mum helps me on the wkdays. I teach the kids hmk, remember their schedules etc etc. I help my husband do his stuff as well. He even depends on me to remember to pay his HP bill. But my husband just look at his ipad whenever he finishes his meals. Thats how dependent my family is on me.

Recently, he has been pestering me to upgrade to a condo. We are 9years apart. Our combined income is about 14.5k. I am living in a HDB with only 4years loan left. I just want a simple life. I want to clear my HDB loan and thats it. I do not wish to upgrade further.

But his idea of upgrading is to just upgrade to a penthouse. He says his dream is to have a home with roof terrace. Any cheapest PH in Singapore is easily 1.3mil. Now because of this, we have quarrelled many times because I do not wish to take up a 1mil bank loan and pay $4k each month. He is now not talking to me because he cannot relieve his dream. He also feels that the older he gets, the harder it is for him to get a bank loan. I honestly now think he's obsessed with getting his dream 'home'.

What is home? I always thought a home is to live happily together after. Even after I have done so much for the family, he is upset or even blaming me to not get a condo together. I do not understand why upgrading is so important.

Today he asked me what is my objective in life. Are we expected to live like that for another 10years? I dont understand whats wrong with living in my comfortable home for the next 10years?? And I told him i do not have any objective. Everyday I'm just dealing with daily issues. Whether the kids finish hmk, whether they need my help on anything, on my work etc. My dream is to travel around when the kids are older.

Now the question is, since we have different goals and he doesnt appreciate anything I've done, should I move on alone with the kids?

Anyone in the same situation?

 

[Eppy]

Actually both of you are earning a decent income. Divorce is not a solution, just need to manage expectations. The fact that he is including you in his life planning, in my humble opinion, is something that I longed for in a marriage. My ex cheated and emotional abused me, the divorce is long n painful.
Try n work it out, involve him in your duties too otherwise his mind too free to think about upgrading or perhaps upgrade to a condo but not a penthouse?

 

[mummytoh84]

Actually both of you are earning a decent income. Divorce is not a solution, just need to manage expectations. The fact that he is including you in his life planning, in my humble opinion, is something that I longed for in a marriage. My ex cheated and emotional abused me, the divorce is long n painful. Try n work it out, involve him in your duties too otherwise his mind too free to think about upgrading or perhaps upgrade to a condo but not a penthouse?

Thanks Eppy for replying me..

Sorry to hear about ur scenario. Hope you r getting better.

Well, the only reason he involes me is because he needs me to take a loan e him tgt.. that's about it..

How I wish he would just kiss me in the face and says everything is alright. But he's rather giving me the cold shoulder and not taking to me becos of 1 stupid house.

I totally agree D is not the solution. But because of how much I have compromised and not feel appreciated, now I think that by leaving him, I have more freedom, will be able to delve into my working opportunities.

I need some help to talk me out of this because I think more negatively..

 

[lovely0315]

May I know how old are your kids?
How is your husband and yourself’s health condition?

I will always think that, what if, take up the loan and bought a dream house, and one day, sth happen, am I able to pay for it myself? if yes, for how long?

And, what if, one of us fall in sick, cannot work anymore, Spore medical fee are always very ex, do we have extra/enough money to cover the medical fee other than the mthly house loan?

Also, does he has enough for your kids’ education fund if both or anyone of you are not working?

Is it really worth to take the risk which might cause the family to have financial burden inone day..

Try to talk nicely with him.. if he has enough $ to handle the above issue mentioned and can have extra ($) to go for the loan, why not. Else 已经辛辛苦苦工作了半辈子，现在还要扛着新的债务过下半辈子？

Mm.. What kind of freedom you are looking for? Just to delve into your working opportunity? Will it cause more stress in your life? Will you have enough time for your kids by then?

Husb n wife are always got different opinions, most impt is to talk it out nicely, face it,l and settled tgt..

Lastly, objective of life?
- to get financial freedom (free from all the loans)
- make sure the saving we have enough for kids’ to study at least till university
- enough $ to support the good life of husb m wife after retirement

 

[mummytoh84]

Hi lovely 0315,

My husband is 44 and I'm 35 this year. My youngest girl is in P3.
Our health conditions are ok for now and we are fully covered on medical and hsptl plan.

In fact, he told me his job is not stable for the next 6mths. His company just did a major retrenchment last wk.

The problem is, i think we have different objectives in life now.
For myself, a simple life. If we have enough, we go travelling every year.
For him, get a 1mil loan and move to a more atas place.

He still didnt talk to me today.

 

[jayjayqueenie]

hey is your combined income on monthly basis ? if yes then why not ? seems like a good amount. how about renting out your exisiting unit when you move out ? that way you can have some extra income. might be barely enough but still you have it.

i work longer hours than my hubby. so my hubby is the one doing all the chores instead. all the attention went to him. but he does not mind. i on the other hand am quite envious.

usually the one who everyone goes to is the one that holds the family together. thats why when my grandma passed away, my uncles and aunts went their own ways. and my cousins became strangers.

i live in an ordinary hdb estate. and near the lift. so sometimes there will he random people ringing my bell. one or 2 not quite the normal sales reps.

 

[mummytoh84]

It is a decent combine income, but we do not have cash on hand now to purchase a 2nd property. Any down-payment easily needs cash of 50k, which we don have right now. And already my CPF is being used to service my HDB loan. So not enough to do anything.

My job is comfortable enough to be at work on time and leave work on the dot everyday. But a lot of times if I work slightly late, I will be thinking what's happening at home. because I'm worried my husband cannot handle the children.

Anyone in the same situation? Different dreams in life? How do you continue your r/s?

 

[lovely0315]

Hi lovely 0315,

My husband is 44 and I'm 35 this year. My youngest girl is in P3.
Our health conditions are ok for now and we are fully covered on medical and hsptl plan.

In fact, he told me his job is not stable for the next 6mths. His company just did a major retrenchment last wk.

The problem is, i think we have different objectives in life now.
For myself, a simple life. If we have enough, we go travelling every year.
For him, get a 1mil loan and move to a more atas place.

He still didnt talk to me today.

He should then realized that it's not worth to take the risk to get the loan, what if, he was being retrenched?

Perhaps you can take the initiative to talk to him, analyse different situation tgt, get a financial planner to work out a plan, then discuss again if he is so persistent.. ask him to show you the financial planning of getting the loan... at least a a wife, you shows that you are understandable but doesn't mean yo u agreed to take up a loan, at least, listen to what he want to do first lo... who knows, after all these, he found that, actually not worth to do so? Might as well to go and travel with the kids every quarter..

Maybe he just want to let each other to calm down first before further talk ba..

 

[mummytoh84]

I have asked him, what if we are being retrenched. But he thinks that a private property regardless of what u buy, there will be capital gain in the end. He is just saying we shld just not care and buy the property. If we want to downupgrade, we can sell our private anytime and still earn $.

That is because, since 10 years ago, he has always been looking at private property. Everytime I stopped him. The 1st time I rem vividly was a 700k condo maybe 13years ago. But at that time, he was earning 3.5k and I was earning 2k. How are we supposed to be paying a 700k condo with combined of 5.5k? And our son was just born at that time. The 2nd time, he wanted to buy somewhere in Macpherson area, about this price as well. So in the end, we decided to move to a bigger HDB unit. We found a corner unit mansionette with walking distance to the shopping mall which is where I'm currently living now. Now the same 700k unit, which we have seen 13years ago is now worth 1.3mil. He has told me if we had bought that and sold it off, we will be far richer now. I feel he blames me for what has happened. So he's probably more determined to do this now once and for all.

I have avoided this topic for a while and finally, i gave in. I called my friend who's doing v well in financial planning about 2mths ago and I know he won be hard selling anything to us. After that convo, he advised us not to sell our HDB and leave it for our retirement because we do not have to pay anything in cash for that. If we ever want to get a private property, then its best to have certain cash on hand. Which we don have that amt. But after after that session, my husband is still determined to go ahead with what he wants. He still thinks why his friends can sell off 1 HDB, get 2 condos under each name and earning lesser than us. But we have 3 children. We have more considerations, do other people have?

Even this morning, I was trying to ask him if he's interested in a job my friend has recommended. He told me he doesnt want to look for a job now. I have nothing else to say.

I'm actually very sadden by the fact that he just wants to do what he wants. Without thinking of what a happy family we are, living in a cosy HDB mansionette which I thought was our dream house. Even though Im trying to talk to him now, he does not know the effort i'm putting in.

I'm seriously at a lost now. Why D comes in is because I feel since he really wants a condo so badly and I won want to be the one to be blamed anymore, then we D and I buy a place for myself together with the kids and he can go use our flat earnings after split to get whatever he wants.

I mean, why am I making myself so upset over this? I think I can live happier alone. I actually excel in my work and I take charge of the children well.

 

[jayjayqueenie]

i have a lot of different opinions with my hubby but he is the sensitive type so we will end up in terrible big quarrels. it’s very dangerous. so eventually i will find ways to work around issues. husband i chose one ma.

my husband always feels that i dont know how to save money for the future. but he himself has his own needs and hobbies. so in a way it’s not fair to me that i should save and he can spend.

so we both decided to have joint account that we never can touch and the rest of our own earnings nobody can interfere.

u can put forth the condition that if we cant afford the house anymore, u will divorce.

 

[be-brave]

i think is "mid-life crisis", want to feel that he is alive by doing something drastic or something that he has been thinking for v v long. don't think this is so serious that u have to get D.

u can do a spreadsheet on ur financial situation and discuss with him, see if both of u can work something out.

stay calm, look at him as a kid and think how can u 'handle' him if he is ur teenage son.

good luck.

 

[Jel1992]

@WendyToh I'm facing exactly the same situation as you. My husband and I am currently staying in a private property under his name solely and right now, I'm pregnant now and currently, I'm been discriminated at wok and hence my career is full of uncertainties now. Recently, my husband wanted to purchase a BUC condo under my name for investment purpose and he mentioned to me that he will be one paying for the down-payment as he's a high income-earner and stuff... And yes, my husband's dream is to invest in properties so when we were to retire one day, we will have no worries.

However because all the bank loan will be under my name and with the fact that, my career is full of question-mark now, I told my husband straightaway that I do not want to go ahead with that because of the situations that I'm right now. Initially, he's mad at me but I'm someone who don't like to pick up a fight, so I tried to explain to him when he had calmed down and we manage to come to a conclusion that this is not a must-have and given the fact that even though my baby will be due soon but we still have the time as my LO and the baby can co-sleep with us.

So try talking to your husband nicely
When you sit down and talk things out, it can be settled
Remember that you have come this far and it's not worth to divorce just because of this trival matter

 

[mummytoh84]

Hello b-brave,
I actually think its mid life crisis too! Which I told him before.. but he chose to ignore.. So what i did to reduce his frustration was that I suggested going on trips just the 2 of us, do something fun by ourselves. feel alive like you said..

hello jel,
thanks for sharing your story.. but urs is slightly different from mine as you are already staying in a private housing. for both of us, it has always been HDB my whole life and now he is looking to upgrade.

the thing about upgrading is, we don have a lot of options. he only wants to look at a place with roof terreace, and that means definitely a penthouse. honestly, if we do not have so many limited options, i am ok to go for a 4 bedder or even to downsize to a 3 bedder. But I cannot interfer in his dream house..

I feel that I have done so much and trying to put effort to talk to him. He still insist.. In fact, we have never fought over this, but I have told him many times why I do not want to go ahead with this plan.

I have done so much until I feel like not trying anymore..

So i need to understand and hear if any kind souls here have managed to avert this situation.

 

[Jel1992]

@WendyToh since you mentioned that whatever you have on-hand is not sufficient, you can try to call a bank and ask the possibility for you to take up a bank loan and the capital outlay required so that he can see it himself. This was what I did few years ago when my husband insisted on me taking up a loan to purchase a BUC condo, I do not know how to say no and what I did was to call the banker and asked if based on current situation, I can take up a loan but was told that I can't as I just start work and I need to show past 3 to 6 months CPF contribution, that's when he has got no choice but to accept it

My point now is... if your husband refused to accept what you say or suggest, u might need to help yourself =)
Jia you!

 

[mummytoh84]

I have called up a mortgage specialist and based on the details I've given him, the specialist has given me a number and a monthly payment amount, which is too much for us to bear right now.

Honestly, my husband (other than the agitated outbursts) treats me well. Whenever he can in his means, he will try to buy stuff for me if i request, although I seldom request.

But sometimes I hope he can give me encouragement. For example, yesterday I had a big presentation that came up and he didnt even bother to ask me how it goes??

He's also supportive of my work, but I guess thats because I can leave on the dot. I wonder if I have to work OT all the time or travel sometimes, will he be supportive?

I wonder how to sit down and talk to him now?

 

[bohgie]

I have called up a mortgage specialist and based on the details I've given him, the specialist has given me a number and a monthly payment amount, which is too much for us to bear right now.

Honestly, my husband (other than the agitated outbursts) treats me well. Whenever he can in his means, he will try to buy stuff for me if i request, although I seldom request.

But sometimes I hope he can give me encouragement. For example, yesterday I had a big presentation that came up and he didnt even bother to ask me how it goes??

He's also supportive of my work, but I guess thats because I can leave on the dot. I wonder if I have to work OT all the time or travel sometimes, will he be supportive?

I wonder how to sit down and talk to him now?

Sit down with him and do all the calculation with him. Like monthly expenses with and without upgrade.
Hope he will cool down and talk to you.

jia u.

 

[Jel1992]

I have called up a mortgage specialist and based on the details I've given him, the specialist has given me a number and a monthly payment amount, which is too much for us to bear right now.

Honestly, my husband (other than the agitated outbursts) treats me well. Whenever he can in his means, he will try to buy stuff for me if i request, although I seldom request.

But sometimes I hope he can give me encouragement. For example, yesterday I had a big presentation that came up and he didnt even bother to ask me how it goes??

He's also supportive of my work, but I guess thats because I can leave on the dot. I wonder if I have to work OT all the time or travel sometimes, will he be supportive?

I wonder how to sit down and talk to him now?

@WendyToh I agree with what @bohgie mentioned....
you can try to tell him you had in fact take what he say into consideration and had approached a banker and tell him the amount quoted(at least u are not pushing him away)
then u need to do all the finance with him
the finance consists of your own and his... that's what I did with my husband
Through that, it will derive the final amount left over for that particular month
From then, you can discuss if this is what u wan i.e. to have loan this huge which both of u might not be able to afford especially with the fact that his current job is facing some issue... Don't directly say "No", state it down for him
Den tell him, if given the chance, you also want to stay in pte but just that.... right now, it's really a little tight... sthg like that to manage him. Position in a way that both of you are in this together

sometimes the choice of words also matter alot

Talk to him when he has calm down...

 

[mummytoh84]

I do believed something has happened yesterday.. He did go and talk to a property agent during lunchtime by himself. And when he picked me in the car, he refuse to say anything to me. He just kept an angry face no matter how I try to talk to him. And again, refuse to talk to me this morning.

So I do not know by not talking to me, was he demoralized by something that the agent had said? Or was he just plain angry with me?

I don know how to see when's a good time for him to calm down. He always have outbursts of anger and is a super impatient person.. If he doesnt wish to talk to me, he will just stay in his personal room, his personal space.

 

[Jel1992]

I do believed something has happened yesterday.. He did go and talk to a property agent during lunchtime by himself. And when he picked me in the car, he refuse to say anything to me. He just kept an angry face no matter how I try to talk to him. And again, refuse to talk to me this morning.

So I do not know by not talking to me, was he demoralized by something that the agent had said? Or was he just plain angry with me?

I don know how to see when's a good time for him to calm down. He always have outbursts of anger and is a super impatient person.. If he doesnt wish to talk to me, he will just stay in his personal room, his personal space.

@WendyToh This is what happened to me! Property agent! The property agent sure psycho and keep encouraging your husband to buy the pty because my husband's agent is his friend and he will always try to persuade my husband into wanting to buy a property. If your husband doesn't want to talk to you, then maybe you can ask him "how's your day?" and etc....

May I know how long has he been showing you cold shoulder?

 

[mummytoh84]

@WendyToh This is what happened to me! Property agent! The property agent sure psycho and keep encouraging your husband to buy the pty because my husband's agent is his friend and he will always try to persuade my husband into wanting to buy a property. If your husband doesn't want to talk to you, then maybe you can ask him "how's your day?" and etc....

May I know how long has he been showing you cold shoulder?

Actually only 2 days but we have been on this issue for maybe 6months or so? Everytime we just end up not talking about it. Until he asks me to talk about it and I ask my financial planner friend to talk to us. So after that I totally gave up the idea while my husband still wants to go ahead..

I'll c if i can talk to my husband tonite..

 

[Jel1992]

Actually only 2 days but we have been on this issue for maybe 6months or so? Everytime we just end up not talking about it. Until he asks me to talk about it and I ask my financial planner friend to talk to us. So after that I totally gave up the idea while my husband still wants to go ahead..

I'll c if i can talk to my husband tonite..

jia you!!!

 

[Cindy Tay]

I think it's still have a good talk with him.
Find out more, especially on long term.

I have a friend who just purchased condo as well. He is somehow in similar situation as you. But he never quarrel with his wife though. For his case, is more like his wife want to upgrade to Condo... In the end, he can only give in since most expenses will be pay by his wife (think his wife earn more than him)

Also fyi, think due to Advance Stamp Fee, now is 10% if not wrong. If you purchase 2nd property, you need to come up with 10% of the house you are buying as 'deposit'. And if you can sell the HDB within 6 months, the deposit will be forfeited. Meaning if you buying a condo which is 1.3m, you need to have CASH deposit of 130k.

So hopefully your hubby is aware about this ASF...

 

[be-brave]

if ur husband is the kind i think he is, then u have to "让步" first.

don't tell him u don't want.

tell him u want to discuss how u can fulfill his dream / how to work out the finance. he can then let his defense down and talk to u. discuss with a open mind, check ur book and say out how much u can folk out and what r the sacrifices u have to make if u r going ahead with the big loan. who knows maybe u realise u can afford, maybe he realise u shouldn't go ahead.

maybe he already know but he doesn't want to think u guys can't afford. Man got lot of ego.

from ur messages, ur hubby loves u n the family and is a responsible guy. so, don't go dark places because u r frustrated with the situation.

if can't afford buying a house, can renovate. that would feel different also

 

[DonLee]

To: mummytoh84

I'm in an exact situation as you....

I'm 42 and my wife is 43... We both does not have kids though.

We both were staying in this current 5 room flat for 14 years already, and left with about 3-4 years before our loan completed.
Have to say for these past 14 years, we rarely quarrel (perhaps some small argument on this and that) mainly as I feel that a successful marriage/relationship should be give and take or compromise..

Even though we both were working, but whenever I'm home in the evening (after work), I will do most of the housework like sweep/mop floor, or even washing clothing. The only housework I don't know is 'cooking', but the rest of the housework, I will do it. My wife usually reach home later than me, and by the time she's back, most of the housework have been done.

On Saturday, we try to have some of our personal time, by relaxing, watching movies together, shopping or whatever. As on Sunday, we will be doing housework together (but 80% still am the one who does it), and go to her parent's house for dinner.

About 2 months ago, my wife tried to psycho me into purchasing a private property (condo). She will talk about the 'advantages' of such, and its her dream that she want to live in. However I do not wish to upgrade, as I think staying in a HDB is more than good enough. Moreover need to pay a deposit to IRAS (10%) based on the value of the 2nd property. Meaning have to pay about 140k for a 1.4m Condo... And this amount can only be pay using CASH (Not through CPF). Additional, if can't sell the HDB within 6 months, this 140k will be forfeited. We don't have that much cash with us. Though this can be borrow through bank... But interest rate kills as well.

We've been arguing a lot since then, and similar, I think she's obsessed with the thoughts/idea of purchasing her dream house... She's too been blaming me that I cannot fulfil her 'dream' to purchase a condo. Sometimes I'm wondering is it because she's holding a better position in her company now (She's just promoted to VP in her company 3 months back) hence wanted to stay at a better environment/house. While for myself I just want a simple life, and we can travel and buy/do stuff without worrying much.

We've been not talking to one another for about 2-3 weeks. Even when I try to initiate a conversation, it will be turn out to be about house, and will end with arguments and quarrel. We too have not been sleeping together...

She gave me a 'warning' that if I can't fulfil her dream, she won't talk to me for the rest of my life...

I'm at a lost of what to do as well... Should I give in and purchase the condo? With both our pocket tighten? Or should I let go of this marriage, which I think is very stupid to divorce just cause of a stupid house...

 

[bohgie]

To: mummytoh84

I'm in an exact situation as you....

I'm 42 and my wife is 43... We both does not have kids though.

We both were staying in this current 5 room flat for 14 years already, and left with about 3-4 years before our loan completed.
Have to say for these past 14 years, we rarely quarrel (perhaps some small argument on this and that) mainly as I feel that a successful marriage/relationship should be give and take or compromise..

Even though we both were working, but whenever I'm home in the evening (after work), I will do most of the housework like sweep/mop floor, or even washing clothing. The only housework I don't know is 'cooking', but the rest of the housework, I will do it. My wife usually reach home later than me, and by the time she's back, most of the housework have been done.

On Saturday, we try to have some of our personal time, by relaxing, watching movies together, shopping or whatever. As on Sunday, we will be doing housework together (but 80% still am the one who does it), and go to her parent's house for dinner.

About 2 months ago, my wife tried to psycho me into purchasing a private property (condo). She will talk about the 'advantages' of such, and its her dream that she want to live in. However I do not wish to upgrade, as I think staying in a HDB is more than good enough. Moreover need to pay a deposit to IRAS (10%) based on the value of the 2nd property. Meaning have to pay about 140k for a 1.4m Condo... And this amount can only be pay using CASH (Not through CPF). Additional, if can't sell the HDB within 6 months, this 140k will be forfeited. We don't have that much cash with us. Though this can be borrow through bank... But interest rate kills as well.

We've been arguing a lot since then, and similar, I think she's obsessed with the thoughts/idea of purchasing her dream house... She's too been blaming me that I cannot fulfil her 'dream' to purchase a condo. Sometimes I'm wondering is it because she's holding a better position in her company now (She's just promoted to VP in her company 3 months back) hence wanted to stay at a better environment/house. While for myself I just want a simple life, and we can travel and buy/do stuff without worrying much.

We've been not talking to one another for about 2-3 weeks. Even when I try to initiate a conversation, it will be turn out to be about house, and will end with arguments and quarrel. We too have not been sleeping together...

She gave me a 'warning' that if I can't fulfil her dream, she won't talk to me for the rest of my life...

I'm at a lost of what to do as well... Should I give in and purchase the condo? With both our pocket tighten? Or should I let go of this marriage, which I think is very stupid to divorce just cause of a stupid house...

what make her think u 2 can afford to upgrade.

 

[DonLee]

what make her think u 2 can afford to upgrade.

Her salary is much higher than mine. Our month income is more than 15k

Current hdb monthly loan is via mainly via my CPF, while a bit (about $100) is through hers
With her salary and monthly contribution, is enough even if she pay the monthly loan herself.
Though this her suggestion, but I don't like the idea hence I will still need to contribute in.
However, she doesn't think of long term run.. What if one of us (especially her) is out of job?
We won't even have enough saving to pay for the monthly..

 

[bohgie]

Her salary is much higher than mine. Our month income is more than 15k

Current hdb monthly loan is via mainly via my CPF, while a bit (about $100) is through hers
With her salary and monthly contribution, is enough even if she pay the monthly loan herself.
Though this her suggestion, but I don't like the idea hence I will still need to contribute in.
However, she doesn't think of long term run.. What if one of us (especially her) is out of job?
We won't even have enough saving to pay for the monthly..

Please also think of car loan if havent pay off.

 

[DonLee]

Please also think of car loan if havent pay off.

Well, hers is company car.. And I don't drive.. So car loan don't apply to us...

 

[Sky1980]

Donlee, to be frank. I do agree with your wife's view in purchasing a condo despite now its not a very good time due to the additional buyer stamp duty. Sometime, you need to understand that human is easily influenced by other ppl. Imagine that the ppl around ur wife are so called"higher position" who stay in private estate. Day by day she listen to this, she will feel the same. Eventually, she just want to "upgrade" her life. If her current salary can cover the loan, you should let go of your ego and fulfill her dream. I believe that you have been together for many years. Ask yourself when she ever request something which she wanted so much. With your combine income, i think you can afford it. In addition, if you really worry, then just sell your HDB. Its not difficult to sell. Important is you are not buying something which has no resell value.

Bro, Life is short. Dont worry too much. Pamper the women who you promise to love her on your wedding day.

 

[DonLee]

Donlee, to be frank. I do agree with your wife's view in purchasing a condo despite now its not a very good time due to the additional buyer stamp duty. Sometime, you need to understand that human is easily influenced by other ppl. Imagine that the ppl around ur wife are so called"higher position" who stay in private estate. Day by day she listen to this, she will feel the same. Eventually, she just want to "upgrade" her life. If her current salary can cover the loan, you should let go of your ego and fulfill her dream. I believe that you have been together for many years. Ask yourself when she ever request something which she wanted so much. With your combine income, i think you can afford it. In addition, if you really worry, then just sell your HDB. Its not difficult to sell. Important is you are not buying something which has no resell value.

Bro, Life is short. Dont worry too much. Pamper the women who you promise to love her on your wedding day.

Thanks for the suggestion. What worry me is 'San Fen Zhong Re Du'. Also am a man with strong ego. I don't think I will let go of my ego, and let her pay/cover the full loan. Most likely will still chip in.
Though our income can cover the loan, but the main is the $ that needs to come out first. We don't have much cash savings due to some issue in the past. Though debts have been cleared, but savings is definitely not enough to pay for the 10% Stamp Fee. If we apply for loan for the stamp fee, we need apply loan for the 10-20% downpayment for the condo, renovation etc as well.
Thereafter, even if our CPF is enough to pay for monthly contribution towards the condo, we will be tight with cash as need to repay back the bank loan as well.
I have this colleague whom also similar that bought a condo when they are still holding their hdb. Due to time restriction (6 months), in the end he's selling his HDB at below market price, just to get the deposit back.
My wife aware about it, but she's just too optimistic about such... Sigh...
Perhaps my thinking is... I rather stay at a small house whereby we both have not much to worry, and can do our things freely, rather than to stay in a big house, but unable to enjoy freely, and worry here and there...

 

[Sky1980]

Bro, as a third party, i can clearly see from the point of yourself and your wife. Personally, i dont think there is right or wrong on either side. Family is always a 2 way traffic. You got to weight which is more important between your ego or your wife. To be frank, from what you say, i think that your problem is not a huge issue. You can engage a property agent and let them hunt for the buyer for your HDB and hunt for your new house. Let the property agent and your wife know that you will only buy if you can sell the HDB. This is actually a very common arrangement. With the current property market, the agent will serve you like a king. Instead of arguing with your wife, why dont sit down with your wife to come out a plan to get a good deal in the market. With the cooling measure, you probably can get a good deal.

Just imagine that how happy is your wife when you fulfill her dream.

Have a nice weekend ahead.

 

[be-brave]

my friend was being pressurise to buy a luxury car after he got promoted. his boss and pple of his level have expectations of the cars they drive around. so even though he was v stressed of the cost, got no choice.

maybe is not just a dream to ur wife, but a pressure to match up her position and expectation.

 

[DonLee]

Bro, as a third party, i can clearly see from the point of yourself and your wife. Personally, i dont think there is right or wrong on either side. Family is always a 2 way traffic. You got to weight which is more important between your ego or your wife. To be frank, from what you say, i think that your problem is not a huge issue. You can engage a property agent and let them hunt for the buyer for your HDB and hunt for your new house. Let the property agent and your wife know that you will only buy if you can sell the HDB. This is actually a very common arrangement. With the current property market, the agent will serve you like a king. Instead of arguing with your wife, why dont sit down with your wife to come out a plan to get a good deal in the market. With the cooling measure, you probably can get a good deal.

Just imagine that how happy is your wife when you fulfill her dream.

Have a nice weekend ahead.

Thanks bro! Perhaps I think too much...

my friend was being pressurise to buy a luxury car after he got promoted. his boss and pple of his level have expectations of the cars they drive around. so even though he was v stressed of the cost, got no choice.

maybe is not just a dream to ur wife, but a pressure to match up her position and expectation.

Yes. I guess so as well...

 

[mummytoh84]

It could just be 1 house now but as you get more income, you could be quarrelling about getting a 2nd house. What happens after getting the 1st house or 2nd house? Maybe you want to change to a better car?

Human nature is always greedy. It's not a bad thing but not good if obsessed.

Thought I'll just update everyone as well, we are still not talking. Even though yesterday I have told my husband that for a 1mil loan, monthly instalment is $4.4k. He still cannot accept the fact that we cannot afford.

Let's see how it goes..

 

[DonLee]

It could just be 1 house now but as you get more income, you could be quarrelling about getting a 2nd house. What happens after getting the 1st house or 2nd house? Maybe you want to change to a better car?

Human nature is always greedy. It's not a bad thing but not good if obsessed.

Thought I'll just update everyone as well, we are still not talking. Even though yesterday I have told my husband that for a 1mil loan, monthly instalment is $4.4k. He still cannot accept the fact that we cannot afford.

Let's see how it goes..

I truly agreed on the bold...

Best of luck to both of us... and apology to 'hijack' your thread to post my 'concern'.

 

[gbeer]

It could just be 1 house now but as you get more income, you could be quarrelling about getting a 2nd house. What happens after getting the 1st house or 2nd house? Maybe you want to change to a better car?

Human nature is always greedy. It's not a bad thing but not good if obsessed.

Thought I'll just update everyone as well, we are still not talking. Even though yesterday I have told my husband that for a 1mil loan, monthly instalment is $4.4k. He still cannot accept the fact that we cannot afford.

Let's see how it goes..

Hi mummy toh

Have u considered an EC as an alternative? Hope yr hsb would also note the $4.4k is based on present interest rates.. if rates start to rise.. it can be a very different story