Have been feeling pretty stressed with issues.got married 4 yrs back but yet to have children due to lack of intercourse due to issues or vaginimus.frens who have got married later than me have already conceived.it hurts to hear other ppl good news.i ought to be happy but I can't help feeling upset.i wondered why it is so easy for others yet I have to face all these.really wondered whether I will be a mum.moreover have been struggling with anxiety issues.was thinking why does it need to happen to me on top of the vaginimus issue.im also unemployed due to the anxiety issues and have no closed friends to confide in over the issues.its really sad.
Will things change for the better?
- Thread starter Cheerjoy
- Start date
jclxz
New Member
Hi Cheerjoy,
Maybe you can start embark into body checkup with ur hubby and find out if there is other causes.
Everybody had their own problem. God is fair, he will give u some but at the same time will take away some. Some even yet to married, some married but trying v hard to hv kids (like me n u)., some married with kids but divorced, some with health issues. Nobody have all goods with them, You are already in good hand as you are married. Now the next step is to set up ur own family, that needs ur hubby involvement. Have a heart to heart talk with him, Find out if there is other issue and solve the issue together.
@Cheerjoy Yeah. You ought to stay happy! Should be same as your nick. Cheer! I was in similar situation to you before. Married for about 5years, before we got our first. Main reason is lack of intercourse and also, some health problem with my hubby. I too sink into depression due to such. Luckily have few good friends whom beside me, encourage me, which let me overcome such issue as time passes. You may be shock as well, as I found those good friends online via a forum as well. Some have lost contact though, and only 1-2 still in contact.
Same goes for you. Don't let anxiety trouble you. Trust me. If you sink into depression, it's worst... Cheer up and think of the good way. There are many people around that is more than willing to be your friend. It's about how you go into it.
Same goes for you. Don't let anxiety trouble you. Trust me. If you sink into depression, it's worst... Cheer up and think of the good way. There are many people around that is more than willing to be your friend. It's about how you go into it.
Hi,thanks for your encouragement,ur right, the only way to move forward is to stay positive.ur lucky to find real friends through forum.in real life,most friends are married and preoccupied with their own families.moreover being happily married with no issues,they lack the empathy towards others.some may even feel superior and think they are so blissful.
It takes 2 hands to clap
Of course do met lots of different kind of 'friends' as well.
It takes time to 'filter' those... And well, in the end, only left a handful
I believe you can also. People are everywhere. It just need you to take a first step to befriend with them. Later then filter out if he/she is a truthful friend, or one whom just a passerby kind.
hint: my inbox waiting for you
Kidding. Anyway, we are here to share advice/experience. And I'm sure along the way, you will find some great friend.
Hi,thanks for kind advice,went gynaecologist for checkup,result is everything is normal but is psychological,meaning need to try more often.its awful when you dun have children becos u dun try but becos of penetration issues.Really have to overcome this issue before you can conclude it's fertility issues.the only way is to overcome this psychological barrier.im getting on in years ,in my 30s so quite worried how long will it take before I have children.or will I ever become a Mother...
hi @Cheerjoy, things will def get better along the way! don't give up and keep your faith going, your husband will be the motivation to everything in your life. remember, a bad day has only 24 hours, so does a good day. hope things will get better on your side soooooon, stay healthy.
Hi,thanks for encouragement.ur right,need to keep the faith.
Stress will not get u any better. I m much older than u, I m Already in my late 30, I went for ivf n bfp for the first time, however mc on the 8th week due to no hb detected. 5 days ago, I just went for the D&C procedure to remove it n was now in HL. my hubby spend his birthday staying at home looking after me doing the confinement after the D&C, this is the present I given to him this year (the sadness n my crying). My heart was torn, I felt my whole world cramped. I was fortunate to hv this thread of forum friend to walk pass my sadness. I m still learning to stand up my feet myself, I knew is hard, I cried everyday even I m doing my confinement now.
Don't lose hope, you r not the worse in this world. A lot of us here had a more tougher life than urs. Work out the best solution with ur hubby, maybe go for a relaxing holiday or a short staycaution in one of the sin hotel, things might work.
Thanks for the encouragement. Do stay strong and dun give up! Perhaps can visit tcm for help?
Grace Pan
New Member
@Cheerjoy Don't be too stressed, always have faith and be positive. My hubby and I also tried many yrs to have bb, I was so depressed and had almost given up...my hubby always encourage me and asks me not to think too much. We went to tcm to "tiao" our constitution together and "bu" our bodies with Chinese herbal medicine, such as tian yuan xiang chicken essence for pregnancy plan & for Men and some general tonics. I have 2 kids now and I believe you can also make it, too. Jia you, keep the faith!
Thanks Grace for the advice but my case is more of the anxiety and penetration issues.the anxiety issue,is a battle now which needs to be overcome before I can start my conceive plan.really waste time but no choice.
Cheerjoy,Thanks for the encouragement. Do stay strong and dun give up! Perhaps can visit tcm for help?
Everybody hv their own problem, nobody is prefect in this world. Don't give up. Hv a talk with your hubby.
Hi,my hubby is like a child,though he is a grown up man.he can be quite naive at times.lol.a lot of matters I have to depend on myself.even if I ask him for advice sometimes he will say he dunno how to answer.its exasperating sometimes.i also blamed him for his lack of skills during foreplay which may cause the penetration issues.he say he is improving but that is what he said.
Beanie Peeps
Active Member
Dun give up... I was married for almost 6 years and got my #1.. now im trying for #2.. if the child is meant to be urs, it will come. dun get pressurize and just relax and just do it anytime... stress will reduce the chance for pregnancy.
I'm getting older and those married later already have at least one child.really hurt to hear other ppl gd news.so upset becos of the anxiety issue too.it just hinder my plans.
Noted.im over 30 btw.
Beanie Peeps
Active Member
Im 35 alrdy.. dun give up.. Jiayou!
There are a lot of ppl more pity than us in this world. Did u all c the Tong Ji charity show? Ain't them pity? Of coz everyone of us will think we are the worse among the worse. When I mc, I thought this is end of the life for me Liao. I don't know how to continue my life, I used tears to wash face every now and then, esp when our hormo is still not back to normal level aft mc, I can cried like nobody business, anytime, and anywhere. I can't preg naturally, I can only hv baby thru ivf, that the only choice. God give me hope during my ivf cycle, yet he take away my only hope when doc told me my bb had no hb.
We are all human, is normal for us to hv feeling, depress and sadness... but life still hv to move on, suck it and go on. Gives ourselves some time to morn over and start to plan our next move.
To b honest, I yet to move on. I m trying v hard now, is tough. Even when some of collz come ask Me y I so long didn't come back to work, my tears alrdy start falling down like rain. Try... let try together...
We are all human, is normal for us to hv feeling, depress and sadness... but life still hv to move on, suck it and go on. Gives ourselves some time to morn over and start to plan our next move.
To b honest, I yet to move on. I m trying v hard now, is tough. Even when some of collz come ask Me y I so long didn't come back to work, my tears alrdy start falling down like rain. Try... let try together...
Hi cheerjoy.. i also have anxiety issues and it helps to visit a counsellor (subsidized) to help cope with your probs.. plus i also dont have kids (married for 5 yrs) and failed 3 ivfs... you are lucky both you and hub are healthy and need not go thru ivf which is mentally tormenting..
Sometimes it helps to count ur blessings than look at the negative side.
Sometimes it helps to count ur blessings than look at the negative side.
Beanie Peeps
Active Member
coachy0203
Member
Hi,really appreciate ur understanding.its not like what others perceived that I'm complaining.i did thought of the option that u mentioned.just that it kind of hurt to have to conceive a child in this manner.this would have to be the last resort.you are right,the purpose of marriage is not just to procreate future generation.Its a union of love and sexual intimacy is part of it.
Hi cheerjoy. I think most people who have commented here all understand how u felt.
There are so many of us here who are also still trying for a baby and also many who had to went thru ivf just to have a kid.
There is nothing unnatural to have to go through ivf for a kid, Just how much you are willing to do to have a kid. Ladies who went through ivf are warriors and what they have to go through is more than one can imagine most of time..
I think is important to recognise that if a kid is really what you want, you have to adjust the thoughts about how to get one. That includes helping yourself on your anxiety issues and picking yourself up and not to give up..
eugenesella
Member
When I read your story, there is one thing that I am concerned about. Please please please do not take it the wrong way. Sometimes, the way we read words, the meaning of the words are perceived as how we the reader want to perceive it. So I want to let you know first, that I mean well. I do not know you, and I cannot begin to imagine how down and sad you are feeling, but I hope that I can be the one to point out this 1 thing.
I can see that you will be a a good mother for your child seeing how much you want a baby. There is no greater blessings than to have a mother who love her baby dearly. However, it is not good for your future baby and for yourself if you have anxiety issues often. When you give birth to a baby, the first few months, your hormones will be imbalanced, it causes us to have slight depression. So mommies must have a good family support. Newborn baby will demand so much of our energy that a lot of mothers are pushed beyond their limits. Having a baby is really all ribbons and flowers like you see on TV or advertisement. But what they didn't show you is: tired mothers, tired husbands, no sleeps, no me-time, little or no rest.
So.. I hope you can change your mindset.. I know that saying "do not be too anxious" is easier said than done. But you know that being anxious is not good for your health and it hinders with successful pregnancy. I suggest that you take a break, either doing meditation, or holiday, going to Church, or whatever you find relaxing. Refresh your mind, throw away all that negative thinkings, and fill it up with new positive things In the meantime, find a hobby that you like (not baby related) and do that hobby. The purpose is to get you lesser anxious about being pregnant.
Go out with your good friends to chat (not about baby stuff) and relax. Have a short holiday with your husband to enjoy the moment. You have no idea how many mommies out there who are desperate for an impromptu gateaway with just their husbands.
The grass is always greener on the other side. Woman with no kids envy woman with kids, and believe me when I say, women with kids ENVY women with no kids.
Always remember to count our blessings.. Enjoy what God has given us. Think about what you have that others don't. I always believe that every child is sent from Heaven for us take care of. And that will happen according to God's timing. I sincerely hope that you will have what your heart desire very soon Good Luck!
I can see that you will be a a good mother for your child seeing how much you want a baby. There is no greater blessings than to have a mother who love her baby dearly. However, it is not good for your future baby and for yourself if you have anxiety issues often. When you give birth to a baby, the first few months, your hormones will be imbalanced, it causes us to have slight depression. So mommies must have a good family support. Newborn baby will demand so much of our energy that a lot of mothers are pushed beyond their limits. Having a baby is really all ribbons and flowers like you see on TV or advertisement. But what they didn't show you is: tired mothers, tired husbands, no sleeps, no me-time, little or no rest.
So.. I hope you can change your mindset.. I know that saying "do not be too anxious" is easier said than done. But you know that being anxious is not good for your health and it hinders with successful pregnancy. I suggest that you take a break, either doing meditation, or holiday, going to Church, or whatever you find relaxing. Refresh your mind, throw away all that negative thinkings, and fill it up with new positive things
In the meantime, find a hobby that you like (not baby related) and do that hobby. The purpose is to get you lesser anxious about being pregnant.Go out with your good friends to chat (not about baby stuff) and relax. Have a short holiday with your husband to enjoy the moment. You have no idea how many mommies out there who are desperate for an impromptu gateaway with just their husbands.
The grass is always greener on the other side. Woman with no kids envy woman with kids, and believe me when I say, women with kids ENVY women with no kids.
Always remember to count our blessings.. Enjoy what God has given us. Think about what you have that others don't. I always believe that every child is sent from Heaven for us take care of. And that will happen according to God's timing. I sincerely hope that you will have what your heart desire very soon
Good Luck!