hi there
this is my first post here and when I embarked on my fertility journey 9 months ago I did not come emotionally prepared for how difficult, long and arduous this journey can get. I read about success stories about ladies whom are so lucky to get a positive on first few attempts or some whom even conceived mid 40s - i understand the need for hope / positivity for us to continue on this fight. Never have i imagined the trauma, disappointment and sadness that would consume me; naively i just think "well if others can get pregnant, sure lets give it 1-2 tries to get pregnant" Don't get me wrong, i am not trying to discourage anyone here and i think sharing our experience and success stories gives that glimmer of hope / positivity especially on those really bad days where you want to continue fighting but am just so tired....
for context, i am turning 40 this month, i had been pregnant 4 times before, but chose abortion as i was not ready/single back then. sometimes i think to myself that this is my punishment for not having cherished what god gave me and am paying the price now. Ive been diagnosed with low ovarian reserve as well so when i read posts about ladies retrieving 10+ eggs i just feel dejected as im getting average of 2. My decline was sudden and within a couple of months (in between cycles) so that came as a big shock and was a grieving period for me - i keep thinking back to why did i only embark on my journey this late in life, i only have myself to blame; i keep trying to tell myself to be grateful for other things i have in life; i hear stories of ladies whom are in much more complicated situations than me and i cant imagine if i were in their shoes..... however the punches just dont stop coming and at 40 where the success rate is at a staggering 30% - which is a 70% failure rate. i am starting to ask myself just exactly / or how do you know when is enough? when you google IVF, you don't see articles on aftermath or how to cope with failure but rather 90% success stories;
I came into IVF full of hope - thinking if i try hard enough, things will work out. I am however getting to the point that unlike what you've been taught in life, its not how hard you work at something that you achieve it - getting pregnant is out of your control and not some test where if you study hard enough you can pass this. I know some ladies here have been on your fertility journey for many years and finally got rewarded. However i feel times not on my side, most ladies i see at my clinic are mid 30s, i feel so disheartened and not knowing what to do next. i just kept thinking after each failure, the next cycle, the next cycle... but now i almost have to ask .. when is it enough?
can anyone share stories where you were this 70% where im sorry things didnt work out - how did you cope? how were you able to come to acceptance and did egg/sperm donorship cross your mind?
i apologise if this is a very negative post and not trying to ruin the positive vibes here.. but am feeling so down and wondering if i am alone in feeling this way..... and whilst i see so much encouragement going on... what is IVF just isnt the silver bullet? can anyone share support/coping plan / strategies? i had put my life on hold for IVF and my other relationships / mental health have all taken back stage and i know this is jus not sustainable long term....
this is my first post here and when I embarked on my fertility journey 9 months ago I did not come emotionally prepared for how difficult, long and arduous this journey can get. I read about success stories about ladies whom are so lucky to get a positive on first few attempts or some whom even conceived mid 40s - i understand the need for hope / positivity for us to continue on this fight. Never have i imagined the trauma, disappointment and sadness that would consume me; naively i just think "well if others can get pregnant, sure lets give it 1-2 tries to get pregnant" Don't get me wrong, i am not trying to discourage anyone here and i think sharing our experience and success stories gives that glimmer of hope / positivity especially on those really bad days where you want to continue fighting but am just so tired....
for context, i am turning 40 this month, i had been pregnant 4 times before, but chose abortion as i was not ready/single back then. sometimes i think to myself that this is my punishment for not having cherished what god gave me and am paying the price now. Ive been diagnosed with low ovarian reserve as well so when i read posts about ladies retrieving 10+ eggs i just feel dejected as im getting average of 2. My decline was sudden and within a couple of months (in between cycles) so that came as a big shock and was a grieving period for me - i keep thinking back to why did i only embark on my journey this late in life, i only have myself to blame; i keep trying to tell myself to be grateful for other things i have in life; i hear stories of ladies whom are in much more complicated situations than me and i cant imagine if i were in their shoes..... however the punches just dont stop coming and at 40 where the success rate is at a staggering 30% - which is a 70% failure rate. i am starting to ask myself just exactly / or how do you know when is enough? when you google IVF, you don't see articles on aftermath or how to cope with failure but rather 90% success stories;
I came into IVF full of hope - thinking if i try hard enough, things will work out. I am however getting to the point that unlike what you've been taught in life, its not how hard you work at something that you achieve it - getting pregnant is out of your control and not some test where if you study hard enough you can pass this. I know some ladies here have been on your fertility journey for many years and finally got rewarded. However i feel times not on my side, most ladies i see at my clinic are mid 30s, i feel so disheartened and not knowing what to do next. i just kept thinking after each failure, the next cycle, the next cycle... but now i almost have to ask .. when is it enough?
can anyone share stories where you were this 70% where im sorry things didnt work out - how did you cope? how were you able to come to acceptance and did egg/sperm donorship cross your mind?
i apologise if this is a very negative post and not trying to ruin the positive vibes here.. but am feeling so down and wondering if i am alone in feeling this way..... and whilst i see so much encouragement going on... what is IVF just isnt the silver bullet? can anyone share support/coping plan / strategies? i had put my life on hold for IVF and my other relationships / mental health have all taken back stage and i know this is jus not sustainable long term....