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Unwed Mum

Discussion in 'Matters Of The Heart' started by asinglelove, Aug 18, 2019.

  1. asinglelove

    asinglelove New Member

    hi, not sure if anyone can help me by sharing on what you faced be it on society, family, relatives etc regarding unwed mum?

    I recently missed my period and took a test. Found out that I'm pregnant, I have yet to visit the gynae but appt made next week. The father of the baby didn't wanna get married and hope that I can abort the baby as it will be for our own good. Co parenting is not part of the option as well. He didn't even want his name to be on the birthcert.

    I'm kinda lost now..
     


  2. margret

    margret Active Member

    how old are you?
    are u financially stable?
    do u have your own house?
     
  3. asinglelove

    asinglelove New Member

    I'm 29 this year, holding a stable job. I'm living with my parents.
     
  4. Eppy

    Eppy Member

    It’s up to you to give birth or abort. What’s your concern?
     
  5. before you choose to abort, please consider carefully.
    There are ladies who want a child but has yet to conceive successfully.
     
  6. asinglelove

    asinglelove New Member

    I am not sure if I can deal with the society perspective, colleagues, relatives etc being a unwed mum. And I'm not sure if I can give the baby enough, I can't even give the baby a complete family. There will always be a lack of father figure. At the same time I can't be that selfish to decide for the unborn, will the child blame me for bringing he or she to the world?

    Yes i understand that. I'm not too sure if I'm thinking too much..
     
  7. Eppy

    Eppy Member

    Don’t be bother of what people think of you. You live your life not theirs n they don’t live your life. Complete family? Definition please? I’m a single mum i chose to divorce, i provide a complete family for my children, people say my family is incomplete but for sure I know mine is definitely not dysfunctional. So many families out there look complete but dysfunctional. You make your own family. You define your own family.

    For sure i won’t judge you. I will be thinking how brave n courageous you are and the only thing i will say- you made a mistake by choosing the wrong dick.
     
  8. fion40

    fion40 Active Member

    Hi mayb u k consider putting the baby up for adoption instead of aborting him or her?
     
  9. mrsyy

    mrsyy New Member

    I am respectful to one who are trying to conceive but cant stress enough how ridiculous to have such thoughts on the last statement.

    It is equally irresponsible not to thought about own circumstances. To each its own and not compare please
     
  10. wendy_reborn

    wendy_reborn Active Member

    If u bring then child to him and u can’t give the child any love n happiness it’s equally bad
     
  11. tiggerpooh

    tiggerpooh Active Member

    While being single is not ez, I know of a friend who was a single mother. She was 16 yrs old, she kept d baby, didnt get married.

    She continued her studies, finishing her course, got a steady job.

    Many years later, she married a man who loves her n her son. They both have 2 kids, n i know d man loves his step son as if his own child.

    We cant stop wat others think or say... wat is impt is how u feel... We shld do wat we want. Not wat others want.
     
  12. milogal88

    milogal88 Well-Known Member

    Maybe just let me clarify. Thanks for being respectful to those whom are TTC but you have never been in our shoes hence, you can NEVER understand the physical and emotional pain of wanting a kid so badly yet despite all fertility treatments, the test kit is always negative. Hence, it is heart-wrenching to see such posts on aborting. Yes, to each his own but I guess, @Hopeful_tadada could also meant that the OP could consider putting her child for adoption to those wanting a child badly.
     
  13. astiva

    astiva Member

    Mrsyy, in the first sentence you say you are respectful but your second sentence does not respect those who are still TTC.

    OP. Sorry to start my first reply in a hostile manner, but if you are not confident in yourself, I implore that you put the bb up for adoption.
     
  14. mrsyy

    mrsyy New Member

    Thank you for voicing out neutrally on behalf. I have deep respect for women whom are trying all means to fulfill their dreams and i wouldnt dare to say i can understand the pain nor do i think i can be as brave as that. But only felt that, this is a forum and i hope.it can be more supportive and positive rather than bringing in comparison on what's 'better' but instead focuses on comfort words and encouragement. We are all fighters in a sense. Cheers.
     
  15. Hippology

    Hippology New Member

    Hi Dear,

    how stable are u financially and emotionally support?
    Financially i mean more then enuff for u n baby?
    Emotionally.. are u ready to be a mum? do u have family support?

    I have frenes, who got married have kids and divorce when baby is less then 6 months.. but she is doing pretty good at the same age as you.. everyday she shared the video and photo of baby and always said how much joy her baby bring her..
     
  16. Sparkle_

    Sparkle_ New Member

    Well, I agree with mrsyy. We shouldn't compare and decide for OP what her decision should be. Those who are TTC are apparently wanting/ready to be a parent, so it's not right to use this on her?

    OP should think thoroughly if she is ready to be a parent herself. Honestly, I have seen few cases who just gave birth and are not able to take care of the kid well (beginning can take care, but as the kid grows, become heck care). As a mother myself, it hurts me to see kids being brought to this world yet they're not being well taken care of.

    Putting up for adoption, I'd say is a choice..but it depends if she wants to go through the whole pregnancy and give the baby up in the end.

    Only keep the baby if you're someone who loves and wants kids. Cuz if u do, u will give the world up for them!!
     
  17. Mongkok

    Mongkok Active Member

    first of all social stigma. if you live your life long enough, you will realise how many 'right things' you do will still attract tongue wagging in their own way. hence ignore and live a life that belongs to you.

    second, at 29yo, you are enjoying the start of the prime of your life. w a bb coming and w/o a father, you may want to ask yourself:
    1. how supportive are your parents. coz it takes a village to raise a kid.
    2. how good is your job's prospect. coz it take money to raise a kid
    3. how financially stable you are down the road. coz you don't have someone to share the financial burden.
    if 123 is good, then, pls keep the child. your child will give you a new (fulfilling) purpose (as a mummy) in life.

    if 1 is lacking, get a maid.
    if 2 or/and 3 are lacking, consider fighting for alimony.

    what completes a family? if you come into this world knowing there are 2 parents, then 2 parents w you form a complete family. if you come into this world w 1 parent, then that 1 parent and you complete a family.

    View from another angle, it could be educated to your child that a 'father' in a family is an added bonus. however w mummy alone, it completes the family. understand?

    the biggest challenge is how to explain to your child why his/her BC don't have father's name.

    well... as long as you raise him/her well, he/she will accept and understand.

    you are a grown adult. unless you are in a dire situation, do not give your child up for adoption. it will be heart-wrenching for anyone to know that he/she is an unwanted child. hence, please be a responsible adult.

    Children are God's gift. they are here for you for a purpose.

    Lastly, your bf who told u to abort will still b sticking ard thereafter? if yes, consider dumping him and sue him for alimony.
     
    Last edited: Aug 22, 2019
  18. NatalieTan84

    NatalieTan84 New Member

    Hope that you can think over properly because it concerns a life.

    How about putting the baby up for adoption?
     

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