Unwed Mum

asinglelove

New Member
hi, not sure if anyone can help me by sharing on what you faced be it on society, family, relatives etc regarding unwed mum?

I recently missed my period and took a test. Found out that I'm pregnant, I have yet to visit the gynae but appt made next week. The father of the baby didn't wanna get married and hope that I can abort the baby as it will be for our own good. Co parenting is not part of the option as well. He didn't even want his name to be on the birthcert.

I'm kinda lost now..
 


It’s up to you to give birth or abort. What’s your concern?
I am not sure if I can deal with the society perspective, colleagues, relatives etc being a unwed mum. And I'm not sure if I can give the baby enough, I can't even give the baby a complete family. There will always be a lack of father figure. At the same time I can't be that selfish to decide for the unborn, will the child blame me for bringing he or she to the world?

before you choose to abort, please consider carefully.
There are ladies who want a child but has yet to conceive successfully.
Yes i understand that. I'm not too sure if I'm thinking too much..
 
I am not sure if I can deal with the society perspective, colleagues, relatives etc being a unwed mum. And I'm not sure if I can give the baby enough, I can't even give the baby a complete family. There will always be a lack of father figure. At the same time I can't be that selfish to decide for the unborn, will the child blame me for bringing he or she to the world?


Yes i understand that. I'm not too sure if I'm thinking too much..

Don’t be bother of what people think of you. You live your life not theirs n they don’t live your life. Complete family? Definition please? I’m a single mum i chose to divorce, i provide a complete family for my children, people say my family is incomplete but for sure I know mine is definitely not dysfunctional. So many families out there look complete but dysfunctional. You make your own family. You define your own family.

For sure i won’t judge you. I will be thinking how brave n courageous you are and the only thing i will say- you made a mistake by choosing the wrong dick.
 
hi, not sure if anyone can help me by sharing on what you faced be it on society, family, relatives etc regarding unwed mum?

I recently missed my period and took a test. Found out that I'm pregnant, I have yet to visit the gynae but appt made next week. The father of the baby didn't wanna get married and hope that I can abort the baby as it will be for our own good. Co parenting is not part of the option as well. He didn't even want his name to be on the birthcert.

I'm kinda lost now..
Hi mayb u k consider putting the baby up for adoption instead of aborting him or her?
 
before you choose to abort, please consider carefully.
There are ladies who want a child but has yet to conceive successfully.
I am respectful to one who are trying to conceive but cant stress enough how ridiculous to have such thoughts on the last statement.

It is equally irresponsible not to thought about own circumstances. To each its own and not compare please
 
While being single is not ez, I know of a friend who was a single mother. She was 16 yrs old, she kept d baby, didnt get married.

She continued her studies, finishing her course, got a steady job.

Many years later, she married a man who loves her n her son. They both have 2 kids, n i know d man loves his step son as if his own child.

We cant stop wat others think or say... wat is impt is how u feel... We shld do wat we want. Not wat others want.
 
I am respectful to one who are trying to conceive but cant stress enough how ridiculous to have such thoughts on the last statement.

It is equally irresponsible not to thought about own circumstances. To each its own and not compare please

Maybe just let me clarify. Thanks for being respectful to those whom are TTC but you have never been in our shoes hence, you can NEVER understand the physical and emotional pain of wanting a kid so badly yet despite all fertility treatments, the test kit is always negative. Hence, it is heart-wrenching to see such posts on aborting. Yes, to each his own but I guess, @Hopeful_tadada could also meant that the OP could consider putting her child for adoption to those wanting a child badly.
 
I am respectful to one who are trying to conceive but cant stress enough how ridiculous to have such thoughts on the last statement.

It is equally irresponsible not to thought about own circumstances. To each its own and not compare please

Mrsyy, in the first sentence you say you are respectful but your second sentence does not respect those who are still TTC.

OP. Sorry to start my first reply in a hostile manner, but if you are not confident in yourself, I implore that you put the bb up for adoption.
 
Maybe just let me clarify. Thanks for being respectful to those whom are TTC but you have never been in our shoes hence, you can NEVER understand the physical and emotional pain of wanting a kid so badly yet despite all fertility treatments, the test kit is always negative. Hence, it is heart-wrenching to see such posts on aborting. Yes, to each his own but I guess, @Hopeful_tadada could also meant that the OP could consider putting her child for adoption to those wanting a child badly.
Thank you for voicing out neutrally on behalf. I have deep respect for women whom are trying all means to fulfill their dreams and i wouldnt dare to say i can understand the pain nor do i think i can be as brave as that. But only felt that, this is a forum and i hope.it can be more supportive and positive rather than bringing in comparison on what's 'better' but instead focuses on comfort words and encouragement. We are all fighters in a sense. Cheers.
 
Hi Dear,

how stable are u financially and emotionally support?
Financially i mean more then enuff for u n baby?
Emotionally.. are u ready to be a mum? do u have family support?

I have frenes, who got married have kids and divorce when baby is less then 6 months.. but she is doing pretty good at the same age as you.. everyday she shared the video and photo of baby and always said how much joy her baby bring her..
 
Thank you for voicing out neutrally on behalf. I have deep respect for women whom are trying all means to fulfill their dreams and i wouldnt dare to say i can understand the pain nor do i think i can be as brave as that. But only felt that, this is a forum and i hope.it can be more supportive and positive rather than bringing in comparison on what's 'better' but instead focuses on comfort words and encouragement. We are all fighters in a sense. Cheers.
Well, I agree with mrsyy. We shouldn't compare and decide for OP what her decision should be. Those who are TTC are apparently wanting/ready to be a parent, so it's not right to use this on her?

OP should think thoroughly if she is ready to be a parent herself. Honestly, I have seen few cases who just gave birth and are not able to take care of the kid well (beginning can take care, but as the kid grows, become heck care). As a mother myself, it hurts me to see kids being brought to this world yet they're not being well taken care of.

Putting up for adoption, I'd say is a choice..but it depends if she wants to go through the whole pregnancy and give the baby up in the end.

Only keep the baby if you're someone who loves and wants kids. Cuz if u do, u will give the world up for them!!
 
first of all social stigma. if you live your life long enough, you will realise how many 'right things' you do will still attract tongue wagging in their own way. hence ignore and live a life that belongs to you.

second, at 29yo, you are enjoying the start of the prime of your life. w a bb coming and w/o a father, you may want to ask yourself:
  1. how supportive are your parents. coz it takes a village to raise a kid.
  2. how good is your job's prospect. coz it take money to raise a kid
  3. how financially stable you are down the road. coz you don't have someone to share the financial burden.
if 123 is good, then, pls keep the child. your child will give you a new (fulfilling) purpose (as a mummy) in life.

if 1 is lacking, get a maid.
if 2 or/and 3 are lacking, consider fighting for alimony.

what completes a family? if you come into this world knowing there are 2 parents, then 2 parents w you form a complete family. if you come into this world w 1 parent, then that 1 parent and you complete a family.

View from another angle, it could be educated to your child that a 'father' in a family is an added bonus. however w mummy alone, it completes the family. understand?

the biggest challenge is how to explain to your child why his/her BC don't have father's name.

well... as long as you raise him/her well, he/she will accept and understand.

you are a grown adult. unless you are in a dire situation, do not give your child up for adoption. it will be heart-wrenching for anyone to know that he/she is an unwanted child. hence, please be a responsible adult.

Children are God's gift. they are here for you for a purpose.

Lastly, your bf who told u to abort will still b sticking ard thereafter? if yes, consider dumping him and sue him for alimony.
 
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before you choose to abort, please consider carefully.
There are ladies who want a child but has yet to conceive successfully.

Is it her fault that there are ladies who want a child but CMI? Please do not add on other people’s problem to her.

Whether she choose to abort a not, depends on her and not the ladies to cannot give birth. That’s not her problem. She don’t need to consider about them. It’s not like if she keeps the baby, the ladies who are TTC will suddenly conceive.
 
hi, not sure if anyone can help me by sharing on what you faced be it on society, family, relatives etc regarding unwed mum?

I recently missed my period and took a test. Found out that I'm pregnant, I have yet to visit the gynae but appt made next week. The father of the baby didn't wanna get married and hope that I can abort the baby as it will be for our own good. Co parenting is not part of the option as well. He didn't even want his name to be on the birthcert.

I'm kinda lost now..

You? What do you think and feel? Are you ready to be a mother? Are you ready to lose more than half of your freedom? Your sleep? Are you mentally prepared? Are you physically prepared?

And have you talk to your family and baby’s father parents? Sometimes they want a part in your kids life.
 
Maybe just let me clarify. Thanks for being respectful to those whom are TTC but you have never been in our shoes hence, you can NEVER understand the physical and emotional pain of wanting a kid so badly yet despite all fertility treatments, the test kit is always negative. Hence, it is heart-wrenching to see such posts on aborting. Yes, to each his own but I guess, @Hopeful_tadada could also meant that the OP could consider putting her child for adoption to those wanting a child badly.

It’s not anybody’s obligation to understand somebody else’s pain and trouble. And its not anybody’s fault that there are women that cannot conceive. And whether she abort a not, it won’t change the fact that some women cannot conceive.

Why should a woman be forced to give birth to a child that she is not mentally prepared for just to raise it or give it up for an adoption just because there are women who cannot conceive?

Before you talk about no one understands your emotional pain about wanting a kid, have you thought about her emotional pain? If you did, why are you guilting her?
 
yes it's very important that she knows the responsibility that come with motherhood.
to abort or not is a huge decision as it might affect not only the mother life but also the newborn
 
It’s not anybody’s obligation to understand somebody else’s pain and trouble. And its not anybody’s fault that there are women that cannot conceive. And whether she abort a not, it won’t change the fact that some women cannot conceive.

Why should a woman be forced to give birth to a child that she is not mentally prepared for just to raise it or give it up for an adoption just because there are women who cannot conceive?

Before you talk about no one understands your emotional pain about wanting a kid, have you thought about her emotional pain? If you did, why are you guilting her?

I wish you well and hope that you wont have to go to the other side of the fence one day. Good luck.
 
hi, not sure if anyone can help me by sharing on what you faced be it on society, family, relatives etc regarding unwed mum?

I recently missed my period and took a test. Found out that I'm pregnant, I have yet to visit the gynae but appt made next week. The father of the baby didn't wanna get married and hope that I can abort the baby as it will be for our own good. Co parenting is not part of the option as well. He didn't even want his name to be on the birthcert.

I'm kinda lost now..
Hi there if you are looking to put up the baby for adoption do contact me.
 
You really shouldn't care about what others will think of you. In my case, I have a mom and a dad, but my father has always been absent all my life (never physically or emotionally present - didn't even have a job and just kept on asking mom for money), and so it's like my mom raised all of us by herself. I respect women like her who really does her best to provide for her family despite what other people would think. Truly wonder women.
 
The best decision comes from you. Do you want to have the child? If you want, the rest will come naturally. You will be prepared to face whatever it is when it comes. If you decide not to have the child, you will know it is best for you. And I suggest you carry this secret to the grave. Start anew. Theres nothing wrong about it. There is no such thing as wrong decision, poor choices, or whatever. Cos we all live in the present. How do we know it is wrong or correct when we don't even know whats happening in the future?

Live happily. Be happy. There are times we are sad too. Just don't be too sad for too long. Jia you ah!
 

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