Support Group - Stillbirths

curl

Oh yes, i do write about raising children, u can find me in the twins/triplets thread and the prematured babies thread. i din know about this thread until i saw angel's posting in the prematured babies' thread, and i wished i had joined in earlier to help!

In my opinion, dun worry so much about OHSS. Some pple may get it, some pple dun. i dun have OHSS.
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There are always 2 sides of the coin, either too few eggs for some pple (under stimulation) or too many eggs (over stimulation which will cause OHSS). u will not know until u do it.

My experience with Dr Foong was good, still keeping in touch with him today to update him my kids' progress.
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i remember i only had 7 embryos... and by the time i did the egg transfer, only 3 made it... 1 was 8-celled, 1 was 7-celled, and the last one was only 4 cells (sometimes i wonder whether this is the baby i've lost...). See, my eggs so few (i think about 12 or 14 retrieved), so how to get OHSS? i was even very skeptical that i will get pregnant...

IVF is a rough journey. Lots of daily injections, but they are quite simple to administer. Once u are in it, time flies and before u know it, it is time to put the embryos back into ur womb!
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u can use $6000 for the first IVF. Let's discuss over email cos i dun think i should be posting too much on IVF on this thread.
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Chloe

Thanks for the infor. I shall pm you shortly. If you have time, can you check out your email tonight?

Thanks
 
Dear Chloe, Curl, kkf and esp Patsy

Patsy, I read about your girl Sabie's journey on another thread the week before I was admitted and it breaks my heart to learn of her demise...Even though my pain of losing 2 precious boys to stillborn before, I know your pain must be a 1000 times worse, having spent more time with her. When my husband and I first lost our son Nathaniel in 2004, we had a hard time picking ourselves up. We looked at his fully-formed body, his eyes, his lips, his tiny fingers and toes and wondered how he would look like..in that instant, we wept because all our dreams and hopes for our son were robbed from us...we would never be able to hear him call us 'daddy and mummy'...we'll never be able to cuddle him and let him feel the warmth of our bodies and our love...it was the darkest moment of our lives. Many people sympathised but they cannot share the pain with us. It's a valley that we, must go through together with our spouses. What helped us was we attended the Child Bereavement Support Group on Nathaniel's anniversary and shared our grief with the members there who have been through similar losses. It was painful but therapeutic, knowing all our angels are now playing and singing in Heaven, without ailments, imperfections nor pain anymore. I also sought solace in many books dealing with this topic of child bereavement. One particular one is called 'Safe in the Arms of God'. If you'll like to read it, I'll be most happy to lend to you. The anniverary markers are really going to be tough - on Nathaniel's 1st month death anniversary, we bought single stalks of white roses, printed a poem written by my husband, laminated it, attached it to the roses and distributed them to our close family members and colleagues. We want them to remember Nathaniel together with us, you can do something meaningful like this too...Everyday, we also lit a tealight in our living room as a remembrance of our son...3 years have passed but the memory is still so raw...this time round, we lost our 2nd son, Joash again and his 1st month's anniversary's in 4 day's time...I cry over his death too and each time I look at his ashes in the urn (we kept in with us here at the hospital so that he's near me), the sorrows just well up within me
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I guess that's a mother's heart - the tears won't stop flowing...Don't let people tell you that you have to get over it and move on - you are entitled to your own grieving process, no matter how long it takes because it's our own flesh and blood that we're saying goodbye to.

Even as I'm typing this, I'm crying cos my situation seemed to have taken for the worse. The scan results on Wed showed my placenta's low and y'day, my gynae SF Loh discovered that my waterbag's slightly bulging towards the cervix so he has ordered me to go back to TOTAL BEDREST or CRIB treatment as they call it. No more freedom to use the toilet as and when I like and even not allowed to sit up for meals or use PC whatsoever. I've to lie down flat on the hospital bed 24/7 with the lower half of my body raised which makes sleeping almost impossible.
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My husband and nurses tell me that now, baby Ashley's wellbeing depends totally on me and that adds SO MUCH tremendous pressure on my shoulders. I feel so fearful...What if the waterbag gives way prior to her 24 weeks gestation or what if her heart stops beating? We've come so far, fought away the infections, dealt with Joash's loss and moved on and now, the prognosis has to be negative...sometimes I feel there's only so much I can bear - I feel myself losing hope and faith slowly seeping away from my being...last night, I became depressed...If God were to deal me with another blow, I think I'll collapse from a broken heart...sometimes I wonder if prayers really work anymore, maybe whatever will be will be? Then why deceive myself by keeping my hopes high? I really don't know, please continue to journey with me - the next 2 weeks is reall crucial...thanks and hugs.
 
hi chloe, thank you.. am trying to stay strong.

angel: tomorrow will be her first month anniversaty, and already today i'm having a hard time concentrating at work... my mind keeps going back to the CICU and how Sabie looked with all those tubes into her... how still and cold she was, how she never even got a chance to say goodbye to me.

I haven't planned to do anything special for her tomorrow... maybe i should. But to be honest, I don't know if i can. Any suggestions?

but please do try to take care, i know it's a lot of sacrifice but i know that craddling baby ashley in your arms when she's born full term will be the best reward for the sacrifice! I will pray for you and baby ashley and your hb too! and will pray for teh doctors to have God's guidance so they will do the best for you. what ward are you in?
 
Ya rite, people just tell you to get over it but as mothers, it is quite tough as it's blood and flesh and the baby was ever in your womb. I couldnt forget the 1st kick I felt from my girl. and till now, her last moment when I gave birth to her is still vividly on my mind even though it has been more than 2 mths and not forgeting her EDD was suppose to be mid June. I detest looking at pregnant woman and when ppl who ever saw that I was heavily pregnant just act ignorantly oh you gave birth! hows the baby? I had to answer in slow tone that I had lost her. I bought a ring in memory of her just to she is close to my heart.

Angel, I know how you feel now and really hope you will see light cos I can understand the pain and anxiety. My girl had cystic hygroma and I had pinned hopes that she will survive and be a miracle as I have read on the internet that some bb do survive but she didnt, maybe hers was a really serious case, she looked like a rugby ball when she was born, or maybe it's god's will, maybe it's a way that I will not be able to take the stress taking care of a special child if she was alive, many maybe..I saw a special child the other day going thru needles by a chinese sinseh and my hubby said our girl would have been like her and our situation would be like that, so poor thing.
 
angel

Please listen and abide strictly to dr's instruction. These 2 weeks will be crucial, and please dun give up hopes, baby ashley can feel it. Dun give up, dun give up!!! jiayou jiayou! u can do it!
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u can always get ur hubby to update us on ur progress. Dun exert urself at all ok?
 
hi mummies, i dunno if angel would like it, but what about if we visited her? cheer her up and at least she has someone other than the nurses/hb to talk to?
 
Hi Ladies

I am fine to visit Angel, but cos I went thru exactly the same like Angel last Sep, membranes bulging, complete bedrest, head down for 4 weeks in the hospital. Those days, I felt I looked so horrible that I refuse to see anyone except my family members and 1-2 closest friends.

So my take is to see if Angel is ok, I am more than happy to be there to see her. Angel, let us know when you can. Dont exert & just follow doctors' instructions.
 
Curl, of course we have to wait for Angel to say yes... would be so difficult for her if we all just barged into the ward
 
Hi Patsy

Actually, I think it is really kind of you, having gone through the pain of losing your darling. I totally agree with Angel and sometimes think why fate is cruel on us?

Meanwhile, please take care of yourself too.
 
Yes, right...we will just wait to see wat angel says.

Angel, just let us know ya? We will be supporting you here even if you are not comfortable to have visitors. Really hope you will get thru this as you have been thru so much already. Don't lose heart, pls!! All is not over yet!!
 
curl

Take ur time.
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i will reply u when i get the chance to access the website... i may not be able to respond immediately though...
 
Hi All,
Same as all of you, I had lost my little one. Last yr, on Independent's day. Gestational week 37. It's still is so fresh in my mind. It was to be my normal routine check with doctor. As he's in a breech position, that is the day where we must decide on when to go for C-sect to have him taken out. But it was never to be. For during the scan, doc told me a devastating news. No heartbeat. He's gone.

I was alone for that check-up. I never felt so alone in my life. My baby chose to leave me, my hubby wasn't with me at that moment. I was filled with lots of emotions. It's a roller coaster ride. But it's the fact I must face. My baby was born naturally at that very night. Twisted cord around his left leg, cut off blood supply, great distress, resulting to death.

Life isn't easy at all. He was born only 1.8kg, at week 37. I was filled with hatred towards everybody. There are ppl whom will tell me, You're still young. You can try again. What do they know?! Easy for them to say, but do they know how I feel?

But as time goes by, I start to look things on the brighter side. Should he had survived, he would have been maimed on his left leg. He can't have a normal life like the rest of the kids. He would have been weaker for he is born underweight. Lots and lots of things, that could set him apart from the rest of the world. I'm not prepared for my child to face the world that way. Thus, I smiled and let him go. Only remembers him fondly in my heart.

Angel,
Be strong. Your baby is a fighter, a survival. I wish you all the best. I trust that with your love and fierce protection, she'll be fine. God bless.

Patsy,
Sorry about your loss. The best gift we can give to our little ones, is to smile and let them go. I know it hasn't been easy for you. We'll always be around to give you the morale support you need.
 
Angel

Thanks for sharing what you have gone through. It must have been really really tough. All of us here have lost our darlings baby before and it is something that we can never ever forget in our lives. Yes, pple dun understand, "you can try again" is the most horrible comment you can hear, I agree with you. I am glad that you pull thru, I think woman are v strong breed of human beings.

Chloe

Have sent to you. Never mind, take your time.

Angel
Be strong. There are just more and more supporters here for you & baby Ashley.
 
Hi Curl and Chloe, my family and I had so much support and comfort from this community of mummies during our time of need, it's the least I can do to support another mummy who is in need of cheering up.

If there was any lesson I learned from Sabie's passing is that love CAN move mountians... although sometimes it's not the mountain that we have been praying to move
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I think that we who have suffered losing our children are chosen people, because God wouldn't have given us this burden if He didn't think we could over come it... we were lent our babies for the time that we had them to love and nurture becuase God thinks we would be the best ones to the His work. It is through His strength that I have peace and just look forward to seeing Sabie in heaven again.

Angeline, that is actually my philosophy too... I am just happy that Sabie is no longer in pain, no more monthly doctors, no more blood test. I miss her terribly but as a mother, I guess we are happiest when our child is happy....

Have a good weekend everyone!
 
hi curl

Replied ur email liao. Tried to cover as much as i can, but not sure whether i've answered ur questions. Let me know if u need to know more.
 
Chloe

Thanks. replied you too. Just one more on your 'resting period'. Only if you have time.

Angel
How are things for you today? All of us want to hear from you and of course baby Ashley.
 
Chloe

Thanks. Am replying you.

Angel
Time flies. Baby ashley is turning 23 weeks very soon. Just a couple more weeks and you can see your little darling. Hang it there, Angel. Get hubby to massage your leg so that blood circulation is good.
 
sorry mummies if I've made you worried,

due to my CRIB status, I'm not allowed to even sit up so my hubby kept me away from the laptop the entire weekend! I'm secretly using it now that he's away at work but in very awkward position lor - typing while lying sideways...very slow and quite strenuous on my wrist but I think of you all everyday cos I know so many of you are rooting for me and baby Ashley!

Patsy, I kept thinking of you y'day being Sabie's anniversary...sighz...I know no words can comfort you but turn your eyes to Jesus and let Him hold you close and dwell in His river of love that heals. My hubby actually brought the book that I recommened 'Safe in the Arms of God' here to the ward so if you do drop by KKH, I'll like to lend it to you.

To all other mummies, Dr Kwek the twin specialist came this morning to check on me and reassured me that things are fine. In fact, he's arranging for another scan for me later this afternoon to check on Ashley's growth. She turns 23 weeks tomorrow and on 23w5d, Dr Kwek will give me a steroid jab to mature Ashley's lungs should she comes out early. As the day draws nearer, I'm getting more anxious...continue to pray for me ya mummies? Your posts and support mean so much to me
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sorry mummies if I've made you worried,

due to my CRIB status, I'm not allowed to even sit up so my hubby kept me away from the laptop the entire weekend! I'm secretly using it now that he's away at work but in very awkward position lor - typing while lying sideways...very slow and quite strenuous on my wrist but I think of you all everyday cos I know so many of you are rooting for me and baby Ashley!

Patsy, I kept thinking of you y'day being Sabie's anniversary...sighz...I know no words can comfort you but turn your eyes to Jesus and let Him hold you close and dwell in His river of love that heals. My hubby actually brought the book that I recommened 'Safe in the Arms of God' here to the ward so if you do drop by KKH, I'll like to lend it to you.

To all other mummies, Dr Kwek the twin specialist came this morning to check on me and reassured me that things are fine. In fact, he's arranging for another scan for me later this afternoon to check on Ashley's growth. She turns 23 weeks tomorrow and on 23w5d, Dr Kwek will give me a steroid jab to mature Ashley's lungs should she comes out early. As the day draws nearer, I'm getting more anxious...continue to pray for me ya mummies? Your posts and support mean so much to me
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Hi Angel

Very glad to hear from u! So glad that Dr Kwek says that you are fine. You are nearer and nearer to the road of success. Yes, the steriod jab is v important. Dun feel oblige to reply us of your awkward position. We are happy as long as you & baby Ashley are fine.

Just be good and stay on bed and listen to the doctor. Dun be anxious as anxiety causes contraction. If you have anything to tell us, get your hubby to type for you ok?
 
hi angel

Glad to hear that baby and u are both fine.
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Dun over exert urself, it's ok if u cannot update us regularly, can let ur hubby do it for it when he sees u in the evening. Hang on there!
 
Hi Angel, so glad to hear you and Ashley are doing well.. can I have your ward/bed number? I may be going to KKH on Monday and would like to pay you a visit!! (and borrow the book, too)

The weekend was tough, specially saturday coz hb was still in Germany. Luckily some friends realized what day it was and dragged me out the whole day... cried a lot in church yesterday morning though.. they had her picture beside some flowers and i just couldn't help myself.. i wonder when the pain will be lesser??
 
Hi! Angel - Am I so glad to hear you & Ashley is doing fine! I have been checking on this forum even on weekends (which usually I dun) just to see if there is any posting from you. Keep us posted when you can? take great care of yourself for the sake of your little one.

Patsy - take care, I know your pain is much more than us as Sabie has spent memorable time with you. It is tough but I guess we have to go on with life. You still have a loving hubby who stands by you. Time will lessen the pain but not heal it.

Angeline - I think the same way as you too. Just to console myself, my baby would have to go thru numerous operation and pain as her internal organs were defective. I dun think I am brave enough to go thru that kind of pain or she might even end up like Sabie.
 
Hi everyone..

I hope that i will be welcomed here.. I lost my darling baby gabriel about 3 weeks ago. He was a happy 3 1/2 month old baby. Because it was so sudden and he was in perfect health, we are still waiting to see the report to find out what caused it. We suspect that it was SIDS. He left us during his afternoon nap, sleeping on his side, hugging his little beansprout pillow. The only consolation is that he left without any pain and was very peaceful.

It has been a difficult 3 weeks so far. But i hope that time will help lessen the pain.

All along, during my pregancy with Gabriel and then his newborn days, i have been surfing around in this motherhood forum. It seems so sad that I am only starting to post messages after he has become an angel.

I want to send hugs to Angel.. Angel, hang in there! I know that Ashley has a brave brave mummy and i will be keeping you both in my thoughts and prayers. Tell yourself that each day will make a difference..and if you ever need any help, or just someone to talk to.. just let me know.

Patsy - Nice to find you in this forum too
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Hugs
Stephanie
 
Stephanie

Of course you are welcomed here. This forum is for dedicated to ladies like us, mummies-to-be, mummies and etc.

I am really sorry to hear that. It must be really really hard. But i agree with you that what you can do is to at least get a report from the doctor to see what has happened.

It is definitely not going to be an easy journey, while time will listen the pain, our baby will always be in our minds.
 
Stephanie

*hugz* i'm so sorry to hear wat has happened to little Gabriel, no words can explain the pain of losing ur precious little one.
 
Stephanie
"Hugz* I am sure everyone here will welcome you..cos we can understand the pain you have gone thru as we have been or still are on the path to recovery of the loss. I also have been just a reader on this forum and only recently started to post after the loss. Take things easy for now..

Haiz...
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so sad to see another sad mummy here..
 
Stephanie
"Hugz* I am sure everyone here will welcome you..cos we can understand the pain you have gone thru as we have been or still are on the path to recovery of the loss. I also have been just a reader on this forum and only recently started to post after the loss. Take things easy for now..

Haiz...
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so sad to see another sad mummy here..
 
Hi,

Thanks for the warm warm welcome
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It has brightened up my day! etsbaby - what you said just really struck me.. that it is so sad to see another sad mummy here. What i try to think of is my little gabriel receiving his little angel wings instead of his passing. that helps me feel better sometimes.

I am glad that i have this forum to go too.. just to air some of my thoughts but more importantly, that we can be a support for each other. There are times when it can be so lonely.

My prayers go out to all the mummies out there who have their little babies also in heaven with Gabriel and i am sure that they are all happy and cheerful.. also they are watching over all the other children
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Have a nice evening..
stephanie
 
hey Steph!! glad you are here too.. it really helps to talk to mummies who know exactly what we are going through!!

Angel, hope all is ok with you, how was the last scan??
 
Dear Steph,

Big Hugs to you!!! SIDS is every mummies' nightmare. Do keep us updated on your baby's postmortem report. How are you coping now?
 
Good morning everyone..

Java - Yes, u are right. SIDS is a nightmare. And to be honest, i still can't believe that it happened. Since then, i am quite worried about the lack of awarness in Singapore, vs some countries like US or UK where perhaps people have more education on it. And the other thing is that the report does take some time to come back to us since they do test the tissue samples and stuff. We can only wait to hear what they have to say.

Am back at work cos i have to be occupied. Luckily my boss is very supportive and know that i have my down days... But there are also good days
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My boss, whose wife also lost two of their children due to misscarriages, shared with me their story and told me that it took quite a while but his wife and him continued to try for kids. Now they are blessed with 3.. Since then, his wife has used her experiences to help others and i hope that one day, i can be like her.
 
Steph - I just read about SIDS, have heard about it but never know in exact detail whats it about. It seems that there is no exact explanation about SIDS and why it happen. I know you have been asking yourself why me, why my baby. I also have come across that question many times over my head since she received her wings 3 mths ago but just have to accept the fact that heaven just needed more angels to make it a lively place.

My baby girl had cystic hygroma, it is a very rare birth defect and my gynae could not explain why cos I am healthy and am not a high risk preg and my baby was my 2nd preg as my eldest son is healthy. I am getting a bit emotional
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nowadays as her actually EDD was suppose to be mid June. I actually see Ashley as an extension of my girl :p (hope you dun mind, Angel) that's why I have been on a looking forward to a healthy Ashley soon. Keep it up! Angel!!
 
Dear Steph, I can't reply often but I make it a point to read the posts each morning. It breaks my heart to know that your angel Gabriel has also been called home in such unexpected and shocking circumstance...Like Patsy, you both found courage to tell your story and face each new day, that kind of resilience will only make you and your marriage stronger...Though it hurts a LOT, one great truth that comforts me is that our babies are now in Heaven, prancing around, playing happily with one another and watching over us in a MUCH better place...All that we cannot provide for them here, God will do it on our behalf and He does it much better...on our part, just take time to grieve, take time to remember him, dun feel ashamed to talk about Gabriel (or Sabie) cos they'll never should be forgotten...When I lost Nathaniel 3 years ago, a friend gave me a journal to document our feelings of hopelessness, confusion and sadness. There are pages for both the Daddy and Mummy to write on and we took turns to complete it (according to the prompts on the page). On Nat's 1st anniversary, we finally completed the entire journal and had a sort of closure. I personally find this journal very ministering and therapeutic. I dun have it with me in the ward but tomorrow when my hubby goes home for a change of clothes, I ask him for the title and I'll share with you and Patsy. Hugs. Of course, the other book which comforted me greatly is the one I mentioned 'Safe in the Arms of God' which I'll be glad to lend to you both.

Patsy, I'm at Ward 44 Bed 14 but the latest news this morning is that they may move me to an obstetrics ward soon (once Ashley turns 24 weeks) as there is a midwife stationed there round the clock in case I go into labour. Dr Kwek came y'day and told me I'll be given a steroid jab this weekend to mature Ashley's lungs...according a friend who has taken this jab, it's SUPER painful - like a trillion ants biting at your thigh
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honestly, each time I've to go through a blood test, IV drip, or injection, I just grit my teeth and chant, 'all for you Ashley, all for you' and somehow I get strength from it to endure the pain and discomfort. Now I know why there's no other love that can be compared to a mother's love for her own children...just pray that this weekend, the jab will be bearable...

Curl, Chloe, Estbaby, Kkf, how are you all? My scan on Monday showed everything's fine (what a relief, thank God) so keep praying with me. Who would have thought that baby Ashley could have survive the odds and made it this far if not for the mercy of God and the support of all of you in this forum...I'm so grateful...
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Estbaby, here's a special hug to you on behalf of your beautiful Princess in Heaven...
 
Angel

I read your long post but cos I need to go into meeting, I will give you a quick reply.

I had a total of 4 steroid jabs to mature baby lungs, 2 days apart, just in case he comes our early. I can ASSURE you it is NOT scary at all. Some stinging pain like all jabs, but its not so horrible, really. Many mummies have taken it and its a common injection.

I really really think Ashley is a miracle. Now that you are reaching 24 weeks, please hold on more.. ok, try to reach 26 weeks... you can do it, Angel!
 
Steph, stay strong in the love of God... he will be here with us and will comfort us when we need him most! Gabriel and Sabie (and Nathaniel and Joash and all the other babies) are playing with Jesus now, much happier than we could ever have made them!!

Angel, do you think you could get our hb to sms me your ward number? I will be having a meeting with the doctors of sabie in KKH on monday and will drop by to see you. Are you allowed to take any kind of food or is your diet restricted? Can you take herbal soups or chicken essense?? My number is 96672732.


estbaby, we will pray for you and your baby.. hope God will make a miracle and the genetic disorder will disaappear!!
 
Thanks for all the support!! Just came back from lunch with a bunch of uni gal friends
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had some eating therapy...

estbaby, patsy, angel - your kind words mean a lot to me. Yes, i am quite sure that our babies are playing in heaven now!! And although we all miss them, they are having lots of fun there. My good friend actually had a dream of gabriel, she dream that he is in heaven with a pair of white wings and was bouncing about on a cloud. She told me that on the day of gabriel's funeral and u know what, hearing that made me feel at peace.

Angel, you must stay strong k? I hope that i did not make you too upset. You get lots of rest and try to eat well so that baby ashley, your miracle baby will be strong K? You can do it! I would love to get the title of that journal, i think it would be really useful for me and my hubby. If you need anything from KKH, just let me know okie?

Patsy - not sure what your meetings with sabie's doctors are about but u too stay strong okie?
 
Hi Angel, thanks for still asking about us.

I have been following your posts. It is good that ashley is 23 weeks old already, hang in there!
 
Patsy,

The miracle didn't happen, that's why I am here. The genetic disorder didnt disappear as I had hope so that is why my girl pass on at week 24 due to multiple complications on her lungs and heart. There was just no heartbeat detected at week24. I do hope that my next pregnancy is a smooth one.
 
Hi Angel,

I took the steroid jab before. Are you a right handed or left handed? If you are right handed, let the nurse jab you on your right buttock. It will be less painful. All the best!
 


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