Support group - Single parents who needs a pair of ears or help i am here for anyone of U
- Thread starter mummyof2
- Start date
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same
Guest
Hi Julie,
Me not yet but going too as my hb was having an affair and still is. Said wanted to come back but still in contact with her. I have 2 boys. How abt u?
Me not yet but going too as my hb was having an affair and still is. Said wanted to come back but still in contact with her. I have 2 boys. How abt u?
Hi Julie,
I"ve been divorced for 7yrs & hv custody of my 10 yr-old girl. What abt u ? Life hasn't been a bed of roses (obviously !!) but hv managed thru support of family, frens & lotsa prayers & faith.
I've not really felt lonely till lately. I think its bcos of my recent surgery. There's this man whom I meet in church every Sunday since Oct.I think of him pretty often.He was alone mostly but lately appeared with 2 sons !!! Never seen any woman with him at all ... vy strange. Wish there's some way to approach him .....
I"ve been divorced for 7yrs & hv custody of my 10 yr-old girl. What abt u ? Life hasn't been a bed of roses (obviously !!) but hv managed thru support of family, frens & lotsa prayers & faith.
I've not really felt lonely till lately. I think its bcos of my recent surgery. There's this man whom I meet in church every Sunday since Oct.I think of him pretty often.He was alone mostly but lately appeared with 2 sons !!! Never seen any woman with him at all ... vy strange. Wish there's some way to approach him .....
Hi Guest and rourou,
Thank U for your mail.
But very sorry for my late ears.
My PC is down, till now.
I have come to my sister house to read my mail.
I would prefer U guys to PM me.
Rourou, the reason for him with no woman may be the wife is oversea, divorced, dead, sunday school teacher, not a Christian, not feeling well.
U Christian too? which Church are U attending ?
Aiya! so easy just go to him and say Hi or say your children very Cute.HUH!
But If u ever find out he have a wife, my advised stay away. U know what I meant?
Pm Me OK
Thank U for your mail.
But very sorry for my late ears.
My PC is down, till now.
I have come to my sister house to read my mail.
I would prefer U guys to PM me.
Rourou, the reason for him with no woman may be the wife is oversea, divorced, dead, sunday school teacher, not a Christian, not feeling well.
U Christian too? which Church are U attending ?
Aiya! so easy just go to him and say Hi or say your children very Cute.HUH!
But If u ever find out he have a wife, my advised stay away. U know what I meant?
Pm Me OK
singlefather
New Member
Hi All
Was surprised that there is sure club here for discussion. I am a single father with 2 kids under my custody and would like to know more friend here to share experience in bring up kids
Was surprised that there is sure club here for discussion. I am a single father with 2 kids under my custody and would like to know more friend here to share experience in bring up kids
TILL DIVORCE DO US PART!
The Rights and Responsibilities of a Husband and Wife
What you will learn:
Maintenance
Can maintenance be ordered before divorce?
Factors considered when awarding maintenance
Custody of Children
What is custody, care and control?
Factors considered when awag rdincustody.
How to negotiate access rights.
Division of Matrimonial Assets
What assets are distributable?
Factors considered when distributing assets.
Divorce
Facts that can be relied on in a divorce
Timelines in divorce proceedings
Date : 4 November 2006 (Saturday)
Time : 2.00 3.30 pm
Venue : Telok Ayer Hong Lim Green Community Centre
20 Upper Pickering Street
Multi-Purpose Room
(at Hong Lim Park)
Cost : Free
Please email me for registration.
For those who have registered, please note that the time has changed from the initial 11am to now 2pm.
If you cannot make it, please call me to cancel.
ADMISSION by REGISTRATION ONLY!!!
The Rights and Responsibilities of a Husband and Wife
What you will learn:
Maintenance
Can maintenance be ordered before divorce?
Factors considered when awarding maintenance
Custody of Children
What is custody, care and control?
Factors considered when awag rdincustody.
How to negotiate access rights.
Division of Matrimonial Assets
What assets are distributable?
Factors considered when distributing assets.
Divorce
Facts that can be relied on in a divorce
Timelines in divorce proceedings
Date : 4 November 2006 (Saturday)
Time : 2.00 3.30 pm
Venue : Telok Ayer Hong Lim Green Community Centre
20 Upper Pickering Street
Multi-Purpose Room
(at Hong Lim Park)
Cost : Free
Please email me for registration.
For those who have registered, please note that the time has changed from the initial 11am to now 2pm.
If you cannot make it, please call me to cancel.
ADMISSION by REGISTRATION ONLY!!!
shermaine_chn
New Member
hi, i am going thru a divorce currently after i caught my husband commit adultery. i hv a 2yrs old boi. would like to make new friends who will share the same sentiments...
oinkoink_71
New Member
Hi, glad to see a forum for single parents to share. I've been divorced for 4 yrs with a 8-yr old daughter. Being a single parent, it is tiring handling both the mum & dad's role, on top of my work.
So, hang in there and you'll see the rainbow.
So, hang in there and you'll see the rainbow.
singlemomof3
Member
I'm a divorced mom with full custody of 3. Still looking for the rainbow.
Ex getting married to OW nxt month. She's the 4th OW btw. Not sure if she knows that haha.
Glad to find this forum, it's hard to share w pple who aren't divorced/singlemoms.
Ex getting married to OW nxt month. She's the 4th OW btw. Not sure if she knows that haha.
Glad to find this forum, it's hard to share w pple who aren't divorced/singlemoms.
singlemomof3
Member
I pass them the nearest phone and ask them to call him. I've been doing this for the last year or so.
They've since learnt that there's no point in asking for him. Why? If he even answers the phone, he says he's busy and will call back but doesn't. Or he is distracted and frequently asks them to hold while he speaks to someone else who is with him. He constantly says that their mom (me) should handle whatever it is they are complaining about. He has given too many empty promises of seeing them soon or buying them whatever they fancy at the moment. etc etc etc.
See, I don't even have to bad mouth him, his actions does it for me LOL
Yes, I am blessed
They've since learnt that there's no point in asking for him. Why? If he even answers the phone, he says he's busy and will call back but doesn't. Or he is distracted and frequently asks them to hold while he speaks to someone else who is with him. He constantly says that their mom (me) should handle whatever it is they are complaining about. He has given too many empty promises of seeing them soon or buying them whatever they fancy at the moment. etc etc etc.
See, I don't even have to bad mouth him, his actions does it for me LOL
Yes, I am blessed
you r so lucky.
for me he fights over the children not becos he loves them but becos his dad loves them. force me to go for abortion for both my babies. but i refuse. now when the babies grow up to be cute and smart he wants them back.
i'm tired of all these. why can he leaves us alone. now he would buy toys to bribe them just to win them back.
somemore i'm the one who paid for everything. how can i allow him to snatch my babies away just for the sake of pacifiying his dad????
for me he fights over the children not becos he loves them but becos his dad loves them. force me to go for abortion for both my babies. but i refuse. now when the babies grow up to be cute and smart he wants them back.
i'm tired of all these. why can he leaves us alone. now he would buy toys to bribe them just to win them back.
somemore i'm the one who paid for everything. how can i allow him to snatch my babies away just for the sake of pacifiying his dad????
singlemomof3
Member
How old are your children? My ex did try bribery but it lasts as long as the children's interest in the toys (not very long).
You must remember that no matter what, he is still their father and you cannot "hide" them away from him. It's tough to swallow but the courts will side him on this!
As the one who "paid for everything", keep evidence of it, not just for custody or maintenance but also for your children when they are older.
What's your relationship like with his father? One option would be to bring the children to visit their grandfather directly. This way, you pacify their grandfather and show him that respect they all want *and* you get to supervise.
You must remember that no matter what, he is still their father and you cannot "hide" them away from him. It's tough to swallow but the courts will side him on this!
As the one who "paid for everything", keep evidence of it, not just for custody or maintenance but also for your children when they are older.
What's your relationship like with his father? One option would be to bring the children to visit their grandfather directly. This way, you pacify their grandfather and show him that respect they all want *and* you get to supervise.
between 1-3yrs. i not on talking terms with them also, further more its dad contribute to the breakup of the marriage also.
first, he don allow us to rom but he give in as his relatives also noticed my tummy getting too big, then dun allow his son to work, his son was involved in another woman he also keep quiet. after i found out the truth, i still have to put on a smiley face. staying in their house was hell, beside having to feed the whole family from my pocket, they have to bear with their nonsense.
his family is not poor somemore, own shares in a company, still i got to feed his family. no chinese cust. nothing, jus sign papers. its not tat i greedy or what, if i'm i would not have give in some much.
life was tough, it was hard facing friends and relatives. how to explain to them. till now i had lost contacts with most friends except 2-3 close one. news spread liked wild fire, ppl speculate and look down on me. to avoid letting my parents know i was suffering, i kept to myself. it was hell. really let my parents down.
but all these made me stronger now. i feel that i had reach a point where i cannot give in anymore.
first, he don allow us to rom but he give in as his relatives also noticed my tummy getting too big, then dun allow his son to work, his son was involved in another woman he also keep quiet. after i found out the truth, i still have to put on a smiley face. staying in their house was hell, beside having to feed the whole family from my pocket, they have to bear with their nonsense.
his family is not poor somemore, own shares in a company, still i got to feed his family. no chinese cust. nothing, jus sign papers. its not tat i greedy or what, if i'm i would not have give in some much.
life was tough, it was hard facing friends and relatives. how to explain to them. till now i had lost contacts with most friends except 2-3 close one. news spread liked wild fire, ppl speculate and look down on me. to avoid letting my parents know i was suffering, i kept to myself. it was hell. really let my parents down.
but all these made me stronger now. i feel that i had reach a point where i cannot give in anymore.
cotton_hill
New Member
dear ladies
i am not a divoree but i would like to join in this chat.
because i really admire your courage to decide to choose the path of single life and also with children.
to why why why,
for those who look down on you, they are not real friends, so they don't deserve you feeling sad over it. i think its good to have a support group so that you won feel alone. at least there is someone you can confine your problems with.
do you have any problems raising ur kids?
i am not a divoree but i would like to join in this chat.
because i really admire your courage to decide to choose the path of single life and also with children.
to why why why,
for those who look down on you, they are not real friends, so they don't deserve you feeling sad over it. i think its good to have a support group so that you won feel alone. at least there is someone you can confine your problems with.
do you have any problems raising ur kids?
hurtdeeply
New Member
Frankly speaking I dun dare to divorce my hubby... how to face the people? I am all alone, my parents will despise me, my frens will laff at me or talk behind my back...
pls share with me how u all proceed... thanks
pls share with me how u all proceed... thanks
hi lynn i used to have the same tots as you. but in the end parents/siblings and some close friends will still be there for us. time will heal it took me sometime to to wake up and says "ya u ppl r not my real friends, i should move on". join a support group,it helps.
i know ppl will talk behind my back but i always tell myself i dont owe those ppl anything, let them talk what they want. you know some people just enjoy to make fun of other misery, so why should we let them succeed right?? I have more impt things to worry about ..
Its not a easy path i can say, takes lots of time and courage to rebuilt one self. Try to workout and see if your marriage can improves first before you make the final decision.
i know ppl will talk behind my back but i always tell myself i dont owe those ppl anything, let them talk what they want. you know some people just enjoy to make fun of other misery, so why should we let them succeed right?? I have more impt things to worry about ..
Its not a easy path i can say, takes lots of time and courage to rebuilt one self. Try to workout and see if your marriage can improves first before you make the final decision.
singlemomof3
Member
Lynn, don't care so much what other people think.
Perhaps you can share WHY you want to divorce your hubby??
Perhaps you can share WHY you want to divorce your hubby??
Hi!I'm thinking of divorce now and only thing holding me back is my new born...very sad to deprive my baby's growing up without daddy.
My hubby got himself a girlfriend during my pregnancy and didn't care much about me during this period. I paid for everything and went for my checkup on my own. He said he loves our baby but has no feeling for me anymore. We are still together for the sake of baby but I'm finding it tough to live a life like that. Basically we do not speak to each other, we live our own life and i'm not even sure what his r/s with his gf now.
Hence i'm not sure if i should move on with my life with my baby or should i just bear with everything and live with this man who don't love me anymore.
My hubby got himself a girlfriend during my pregnancy and didn't care much about me during this period. I paid for everything and went for my checkup on my own. He said he loves our baby but has no feeling for me anymore. We are still together for the sake of baby but I'm finding it tough to live a life like that. Basically we do not speak to each other, we live our own life and i'm not even sure what his r/s with his gf now.
Hence i'm not sure if i should move on with my life with my baby or should i just bear with everything and live with this man who don't love me anymore.
singlemomof3
Member
Given what you have posted, take his words at face value and file for divorce based on adultery. Get the flat, custody and maintenance for yourself and child.
If i do not have concrete evidence of someone there, can i file for divorce? or need to go thru separation for 3-4 years? can we still retain the flat should we got divorce? how will the proceed of the flat be split if we were to sell it?
And what is to expect for a single parent to bring up the child? Mine is still a new-born.
And what is to expect for a single parent to bring up the child? Mine is still a new-born.
singlemomof3
Member
No evidence? Separation 3 years if he consents to the divorce, otherwise 4 years.
flat ownership is as per HDB laws: must have family nucleus - married couple or divorced parent with custody of child(ren)
If you sell the flat, proceeds to be returned to CPF according to whose CPF it came from.
What is expected of a single parent? There is no easy answer to that!!
Read up on divorce at www.familycourtofsingapore.gov.sg
flat ownership is as per HDB laws: must have family nucleus - married couple or divorced parent with custody of child(ren)
If you sell the flat, proceeds to be returned to CPF according to whose CPF it came from.
What is expected of a single parent? There is no easy answer to that!!
Read up on divorce at www.familycourtofsingapore.gov.sg
shermaine_chn
New Member
hi tiki,
just my experience to share- if u really want to divorce your husband, dont hold back because your child is newborn, infact its better cause he dont know who is his father and no bonding yet.
i wanted to divorce my husband when i found out about his affair when my son was 6mths old. like u, i hold on.... till one day i eye-witnessed him and another women naked in my bed! my son was 2yrs then.
3 mths later when we in midst of our divorce, my son saw his father sneaking outside my parents house and he's so excited shouting'pa pa!' i said that is not your father thats a bad guy (know i shouldnt do that but just cant help it) and he answer ' that bad guy is my father, i want to hug and kiss kiss him!' it really breaks my heart and really regretted not divorcing my ex-husband earlier.
but when my ex-husband sees me everytime in court he was very hostile and scolded me even though hes in the wrong. and i hate to let him see his child!
feeling very stress, hope u wont be in my shoe... u can email me [email protected] should u need a listening ear.
just my experience to share- if u really want to divorce your husband, dont hold back because your child is newborn, infact its better cause he dont know who is his father and no bonding yet.
i wanted to divorce my husband when i found out about his affair when my son was 6mths old. like u, i hold on.... till one day i eye-witnessed him and another women naked in my bed! my son was 2yrs then.
3 mths later when we in midst of our divorce, my son saw his father sneaking outside my parents house and he's so excited shouting'pa pa!' i said that is not your father thats a bad guy (know i shouldnt do that but just cant help it) and he answer ' that bad guy is my father, i want to hug and kiss kiss him!' it really breaks my heart and really regretted not divorcing my ex-husband earlier.
but when my ex-husband sees me everytime in court he was very hostile and scolded me even though hes in the wrong. and i hate to let him see his child!
feeling very stress, hope u wont be in my shoe... u can email me [email protected] should u need a listening ear.
singlemomof3
Member
I want to echo what shermaine said: don't hold back just because your child is a newborn.
Of all my children, the youngest adapted the best and easiest to their father abandoning them. Even the bonding my ex had with him till he was 2+ (he was primary caregiver) was completely lost because he broke off from them totally. And now that he's five, to him, his "papa" is just a person, almost like a stranger just with the special name papa.
The men will never admit their mistake. They quash any feeling of guilt with their righteousness ("I deserve my happiness") and will use their machoness, hostility against us, their perceived enemies. Shermaine, let it go. They want to behave like the children they are
Of all my children, the youngest adapted the best and easiest to their father abandoning them. Even the bonding my ex had with him till he was 2+ (he was primary caregiver) was completely lost because he broke off from them totally. And now that he's five, to him, his "papa" is just a person, almost like a stranger just with the special name papa.
The men will never admit their mistake. They quash any feeling of guilt with their righteousness ("I deserve my happiness") and will use their machoness, hostility against us, their perceived enemies. Shermaine, let it go. They want to behave like the children they are
transparent
New Member
Hi,
I agree too, don't hold back just because your bb is a newborn.
My son was only 3 mth old when I found out that my ex had an affair and I moved out a mth later. Since then, my son had little contact with his father apart from weekly visitation.
My son is 3 yr now. Now looking back, I am glad I made the decision when he was younger. At least he did not have to see his mommy in tears, waiting for daddy to come back home in e wee hours of the morning; or fighting with daddy over the other woman. Why laden him with that kind of emotional burden when he is just a child?
singlemomof3 is right, the men will never admit their mistake. Just let them be, and let it go
I agree too, don't hold back just because your bb is a newborn.
My son was only 3 mth old when I found out that my ex had an affair and I moved out a mth later. Since then, my son had little contact with his father apart from weekly visitation.
My son is 3 yr now. Now looking back, I am glad I made the decision when he was younger. At least he did not have to see his mommy in tears, waiting for daddy to come back home in e wee hours of the morning; or fighting with daddy over the other woman. Why laden him with that kind of emotional burden when he is just a child?
singlemomof3 is right, the men will never admit their mistake. Just let them be, and let it go
shermaine_chn
New Member
need advice urgently!
i went for mediation last wk and the judge said that my ex will be given a wk supervised visit of the child at those family centre, and he's also allowed to stay in our flat. and both of us will be going for counselling and shall go back to court 3mths later.
but on the day after court, he went home and throw out my things and changed the lock! he also followed, scolded me vulgarity and throw my hp on the floor. i make a police report and they cant do anything with him even though i have a ppo against him!
my neighbour also told me they suspect he bought prostitute home. if found he let illegal immigrants stay in the house, would the flat be confuscated by HDB? that will means i lost my share too even though i was not staying there?
he has been standing outside the childcare of my child for the past 2 days and my child did saw him. the teacher told me today that he has began to push/hit his classmate after he saw his dad.
the police told me they cant stop him even though the child has a ppo against the dad too! the teacher saw his dad thats how i know hes there.
he lie in court about his salary and i found out hes earning $800 more than what he said. maintenance amt that judge ordered is based on the salary he said, can it be changed? is it a crime for him doing so? he said will pay for childcare fee but in court he said'no $, no $'. when judge ask why he said willing to pay in the first place, he said'i want to pay but no $, no $!' btw hes earning $2K plus.
devasted now, what should i do?!
i went for mediation last wk and the judge said that my ex will be given a wk supervised visit of the child at those family centre, and he's also allowed to stay in our flat. and both of us will be going for counselling and shall go back to court 3mths later.
but on the day after court, he went home and throw out my things and changed the lock! he also followed, scolded me vulgarity and throw my hp on the floor. i make a police report and they cant do anything with him even though i have a ppo against him!
my neighbour also told me they suspect he bought prostitute home. if found he let illegal immigrants stay in the house, would the flat be confuscated by HDB? that will means i lost my share too even though i was not staying there?
he has been standing outside the childcare of my child for the past 2 days and my child did saw him. the teacher told me today that he has began to push/hit his classmate after he saw his dad.
the police told me they cant stop him even though the child has a ppo against the dad too! the teacher saw his dad thats how i know hes there.
he lie in court about his salary and i found out hes earning $800 more than what he said. maintenance amt that judge ordered is based on the salary he said, can it be changed? is it a crime for him doing so? he said will pay for childcare fee but in court he said'no $, no $'. when judge ask why he said willing to pay in the first place, he said'i want to pay but no $, no $!' btw hes earning $2K plus.
devasted now, what should i do?!
singlemomof3
Member
As co-owner of the flat he is not allowed to change the lock.
The police are quite useless in domestic disputes until somebody gets hurt. Stupid, really.
PPO just means if he hits you he can be charged. So he knows the limits of it really well.
Unless you can get concrete proof of his salary eg pay check, employer letter, you can't do a thing. Faced the same thing myself. The judge takes what you say at face value untill someone has solid physical evidence otherwise.
Lying in court is perjury in court but hardly anyone in these circumstances is ever charged.
At least he has only supervised visits and you know your child will be safe.
The flat may be confisicated but if I were you i'd just report him anyway.
Alternatively, go back, get the lock cut and move back in. Take your stand in there since it's also your house.
The police are quite useless in domestic disputes until somebody gets hurt. Stupid, really.
PPO just means if he hits you he can be charged. So he knows the limits of it really well.
Unless you can get concrete proof of his salary eg pay check, employer letter, you can't do a thing. Faced the same thing myself. The judge takes what you say at face value untill someone has solid physical evidence otherwise.
Lying in court is perjury in court but hardly anyone in these circumstances is ever charged.
At least he has only supervised visits and you know your child will be safe.
The flat may be confisicated but if I were you i'd just report him anyway.
Alternatively, go back, get the lock cut and move back in. Take your stand in there since it's also your house.
shermaine_chn
New Member
anyone here who had buy over the flat from their ex recently? does your ex need to agree to it?no cpf refund to your ex is required? appreciate if u could share, thanks in advance!
anyone using supervised access at those family centre? need your help too!
anyone using supervised access at those family centre? need your help too!
singlemomof3
Member
Buy over flat from ex means ex must have whatever CPF he spent on flat returned plus interest. Will it be him paying cash out of his pocket? Or you
(as new owner) taking over the amount (plus outstanding mortgage loan) in a new mortgage loan?
For supervised access, go to your nearest family services centre to find out more. http://app.mcys.gov.sg/web/serv_dss_disability_main.asp?Services_Id=2
(as new owner) taking over the amount (plus outstanding mortgage loan) in a new mortgage loan?
For supervised access, go to your nearest family services centre to find out more. http://app.mcys.gov.sg/web/serv_dss_disability_main.asp?Services_Id=2
shermaine_chn
New Member
hi singlemomof3,
think the new rule said that the ex does not need to refund the cpf used for flat till the flat is sold leh...
just need to know is the officer there allowed to leave the father & son alone together even for a short while?? much so when the son has a PPO against the father??
think the new rule said that the ex does not need to refund the cpf used for flat till the flat is sold leh...
just need to know is the officer there allowed to leave the father & son alone together even for a short while?? much so when the son has a PPO against the father??
singlemomof3
Member
new ruling not in place yet and i'm sure there will a clause for the person to opt out.
i found out today that in supervised access, the supervisor can be yourself or a third party, not necessarily a counselor at the family service centre.
http://app.subcourts.gov.sg/family/faq.aspx?pageid=3689
What if I feel that the other parent is a bad influence on our children, and do not want him or her to have access?
You may ask the Court to order that the other parent does not have access to the children, but you should be aware that access is only denied if it will harm the children more than it will benefit them.
One option may be to ask for an order for supervised access. This means that access will be granted to the other parent on the condition that you, or a neutral third party such as a relative, are present. A short-term supervised access order may also be made under the Family Courts Project Contact, run in conjunction with participating Family Service Centres across Singapore. This may be suitable if your children are very young, and the other parent is not able to handle the children on his or her own, or if there are some concerns with his or her interactions with the children.
i found out today that in supervised access, the supervisor can be yourself or a third party, not necessarily a counselor at the family service centre.
http://app.subcourts.gov.sg/family/faq.aspx?pageid=3689
What if I feel that the other parent is a bad influence on our children, and do not want him or her to have access?
You may ask the Court to order that the other parent does not have access to the children, but you should be aware that access is only denied if it will harm the children more than it will benefit them.
One option may be to ask for an order for supervised access. This means that access will be granted to the other parent on the condition that you, or a neutral third party such as a relative, are present. A short-term supervised access order may also be made under the Family Courts Project Contact, run in conjunction with participating Family Service Centres across Singapore. This may be suitable if your children are very young, and the other parent is not able to handle the children on his or her own, or if there are some concerns with his or her interactions with the children.
shermaine_chn
New Member
yes, we are under the project contact. my ex has supervised access at the family service centre once a wk with a counselor together with them. but for the past 2 wks, the counselor has left my child & the father alone in the room. and after we leave, my son kept hitting me and say 'papa say mummy bad!' so i supposed my ex bad-mouth to my son about me when the counselor is away... thought she's supposed to be there throughout and not to leave them alone? and my son has a PPO against the father! thought its supposed to be a safe place as theres someone with them... sigh
anyone here used legal aid lawyer before? i had an appointment with the lawyer assigned to me and when i call to talk to her ( as my hearing is next day after my appointment so thought can have earlier date to discuss) the secretary say cannot just come for appointment on that day
anyone here used legal aid lawyer before? i had an appointment with the lawyer assigned to me and when i call to talk to her ( as my hearing is next day after my appointment so thought can have earlier date to discuss) the secretary say cannot just come for appointment on that day
singlemomof3
Member
Please please do feedback to the counselor, to your lawyer what you just told us about your son's behaviour and speech! It's a very bad sign! IMO, the counselor should be present throughout.
I used the legal aid... yes, you don't have the luxury of calling to chat with them. Have all your questions ready for when you do see her. Prepare whatever you can in advance.
Note that they will not necessarily fight the extra mile for you, since it is all highly subsidized.
Good luck!
I used the legal aid... yes, you don't have the luxury of calling to chat with them. Have all your questions ready for when you do see her. Prepare whatever you can in advance.
Note that they will not necessarily fight the extra mile for you, since it is all highly subsidized.
Good luck!
i have a story to share on this...
somewhere in nov'06, i discovered my husband having a sms with another girl which they are calling each other lao gong and lao po... i have never check his sms thus didn't know how long this has been going on...
in Jan'07, thru some mean, i managed to get the address of the bitch and happen that i saw another sms from her to tell my hb tat she is on mc that day so i start to spy at her hse from 8pm to 3am! and i caught them. i didn't confront them but confront my hb after tat... he told me tat they are only dating for 3mth and nothing happen between them but i refuse to forgive them. but after sometime, i decided to give him a chance but he hesitated, telling me he can't bear to leave her... i was veri sad.
i called tat slut and she told me tat she has been with him for 2 years and ask if she need to tell me how many times of sex the have done!!!
despite all these, i was still veri soft hearted, i wan my family, i love him, i beg him to come back but he didn't and we also have a 14 months son. his attitude changed completely, ignoring me and wanted a divorce. he bring his son back almost every week and that slut tell me she also follow them. he also moved to that slut house to stay with her family, replacing her husband... in fact, she has not divorce with her husband. well they are really bitch and bastard.
very deeply hurt, i applied for the divorce and at the last minute, he beg for my forgiveness and i gave him the chance.
the first 3 months was bad for us, cos memories of all the slut and him alway came into my mind. so we alway quarelled.
suddenyl one day, his sttitude changed agagin.
he told me he need 2 wife to settle his mind not to flirt outside. so it mean that he stil wan to flirt outside. i was really hurt again.. why alway me who can hurt... so i wait for him to speak up his mind but he never... it has been a month already... things did not improve. and worst of all i realised that i am preganant again... but he still did not want to have a good talk with me...
Should i be hard hearted and leave this bastard with my son and another on the way child?
somewhere in nov'06, i discovered my husband having a sms with another girl which they are calling each other lao gong and lao po... i have never check his sms thus didn't know how long this has been going on...
in Jan'07, thru some mean, i managed to get the address of the bitch and happen that i saw another sms from her to tell my hb tat she is on mc that day so i start to spy at her hse from 8pm to 3am! and i caught them. i didn't confront them but confront my hb after tat... he told me tat they are only dating for 3mth and nothing happen between them but i refuse to forgive them. but after sometime, i decided to give him a chance but he hesitated, telling me he can't bear to leave her... i was veri sad.
i called tat slut and she told me tat she has been with him for 2 years and ask if she need to tell me how many times of sex the have done!!!
despite all these, i was still veri soft hearted, i wan my family, i love him, i beg him to come back but he didn't and we also have a 14 months son. his attitude changed completely, ignoring me and wanted a divorce. he bring his son back almost every week and that slut tell me she also follow them. he also moved to that slut house to stay with her family, replacing her husband... in fact, she has not divorce with her husband. well they are really bitch and bastard.
very deeply hurt, i applied for the divorce and at the last minute, he beg for my forgiveness and i gave him the chance.
the first 3 months was bad for us, cos memories of all the slut and him alway came into my mind. so we alway quarelled.
suddenyl one day, his sttitude changed agagin.
he told me he need 2 wife to settle his mind not to flirt outside. so it mean that he stil wan to flirt outside. i was really hurt again.. why alway me who can hurt... so i wait for him to speak up his mind but he never... it has been a month already... things did not improve. and worst of all i realised that i am preganant again... but he still did not want to have a good talk with me...
Should i be hard hearted and leave this bastard with my son and another on the way child?
inlimbonow
New Member
heartbroken. I think it is hard to make the decision. I face something similar too. Applied for divorce and at the last minute he ways he want to start over and I gave him the chance.
That was more than a year ago but to date he have not fulfilled many of the conditions and I suspect he is still flirting outside/going on with the slut? but very careful with not letting me find out. Like your hb, never really want to talk.
I am thinking of applying for divorce again....it is not too good to be in limbo too long. We become numb to our situation and bend ourselves to accomodate what is not right.
That was more than a year ago but to date he have not fulfilled many of the conditions and I suspect he is still flirting outside/going on with the slut? but very careful with not letting me find out. Like your hb, never really want to talk.
I am thinking of applying for divorce again....it is not too good to be in limbo too long. We become numb to our situation and bend ourselves to accomodate what is not right.
precious_gem
New Member
well I'll soon to be single parent, with 3 kids.
sick and tired of his infedelity, cheat me of my money, even my bb baby bonus!
am planning for a new life with my kids .....
sick and tired of his infedelity, cheat me of my money, even my bb baby bonus!
am planning for a new life with my kids .....
singlemomof3
Member
precious gem: yea, the !*&*#$!@#$#* took the remaining 5k of the baby bonus quietly *cries*
wolfgirl76
Member
My baby will never get to see her dad...so, I was thinking..when she attends presch or actal sch and they need to draw my dady or write compo on my daddy..what should I do??
singlemomof3
Member
Here you would need to work with your daughter's teachers... I informed all my children's teachers when I realised that my ex was serious about leaving us. They helped me monitor them for behavioural changes etc and was more forgiving of tantrums/symptoms of withdrawal/depression etc.
However, even if the teachers don't ask/talk about fathers, children would inevitably do so. Kids talk... a lot.
You don't really have to worry that she'd be the odd one out cos she "doesn't have a father" as it's more common now than you'd think. (it's actually scary what's common these days but I digress)
But you'll have to decide *what* you are going to tell your daughter about her father so that she has an answer for her friends.
However, even if the teachers don't ask/talk about fathers, children would inevitably do so. Kids talk... a lot.
You don't really have to worry that she'd be the odd one out cos she "doesn't have a father" as it's more common now than you'd think. (it's actually scary what's common these days but I digress)
But you'll have to decide *what* you are going to tell your daughter about her father so that she has an answer for her friends.
precious_gem
New Member
hi,
I know, u all will probably scream at me ... but decided Not to go for the divorce ... he insisted he still loves me and the kids and that he only call that SLUT that couple of times cuz the SLUT keep calling him for money and he won't give her ... not sure to believe him but one thing I believe him is that he has not seen that SLUT, just a couple of calls and that to tell her to stop calling him. As for the money, He told me he really needs it and promise to pay back, he's actually is bad with money mgmt. Hiaz ...
ALready told my gal, that we might live separately from their daddy, she said she wanna be with me but that she is sad that daddy won't be living with us ... so thot shud give "us" one more try. Atleast he said he still loves me and want to grow old with me ...
I know, u all will probably scream at me ... but decided Not to go for the divorce ... he insisted he still loves me and the kids and that he only call that SLUT that couple of times cuz the SLUT keep calling him for money and he won't give her ... not sure to believe him but one thing I believe him is that he has not seen that SLUT, just a couple of calls and that to tell her to stop calling him. As for the money, He told me he really needs it and promise to pay back, he's actually is bad with money mgmt. Hiaz ...
ALready told my gal, that we might live separately from their daddy, she said she wanna be with me but that she is sad that daddy won't be living with us ... so thot shud give "us" one more try. Atleast he said he still loves me and want to grow old with me ...
singlemomof3
Member
*hugs* no we certainly aren't going to scream at you!
Since you have decided to give your marriage another chance I hope that you will give him the benefit of doubts and try to trust him again. Forgive him and move on, forget about the SLUT... they are a dime a dozen and frankly, not worth your time and effort.
All the best for you and your children!
Since you have decided to give your marriage another chance I hope that you will give him the benefit of doubts and try to trust him again. Forgive him and move on, forget about the SLUT... they are a dime a dozen and frankly, not worth your time and effort.
All the best for you and your children!
precious_gem
New Member
thanks singlemomof3 for ur well wishes.
I read a few of ur posts and I really admire you. I was a single parent once, with my first gal (now 17) for 10 years. I was 23 yrs old then & my gal was 18mth old, so this is actually my second marriage, it's been 6 yrs now.
Tho I'm NOT going for the divorce, we cud still be friends right, here on the forum, well even outside, if u don mind, cuz most of the time, I'm on my own taking my 2 young kids (5 yr old gal & 18mth bb boy) around and also I cud use a listening ear every now & then and I would be willing to lend an ear too, even a shoulder
That goes for everyone here 
I read a few of ur posts and I really admire you. I was a single parent once, with my first gal (now 17) for 10 years. I was 23 yrs old then & my gal was 18mth old, so this is actually my second marriage, it's been 6 yrs now.
Tho I'm NOT going for the divorce, we cud still be friends right, here on the forum, well even outside, if u don mind, cuz most of the time, I'm on my own taking my 2 young kids (5 yr old gal & 18mth bb boy) around and also I cud use a listening ear every now & then and I would be willing to lend an ear too, even a shoulder
hi,
i'm 22 with 6 mth old bb girl. broke up with ex before i knew of my pregnancy and he has disappeared since.
i am wondering if i shld contact him now, to get him to sign some papers to give up custody all together. his name is not on my dd's birth cert and at this moment, he has no interest in looking for us. i wld prefer it to remain this way, but I am not sure if he will change his mind in the future.
my dillema is
if i don't get him to give up custody now, if he changes his mind in the future and wants to fight for custody or sth like that, it will be problematic and disruptive to our lives.
but i really dont wish to contact him now. and wish that he will just remain gone forever, or at least until my girl is 20 and wishes to see him. i think i've found balance now and don't want to disrupt this 'balance' and i'm also unsure of what his response will be. what if he intended to remain gone but since i've contacted him, he changes his mind and wants to see the baby or sth?
sigh.
anyone with similar experience?
i'm 22 with 6 mth old bb girl. broke up with ex before i knew of my pregnancy and he has disappeared since.
i am wondering if i shld contact him now, to get him to sign some papers to give up custody all together. his name is not on my dd's birth cert and at this moment, he has no interest in looking for us. i wld prefer it to remain this way, but I am not sure if he will change his mind in the future.
my dillema is
if i don't get him to give up custody now, if he changes his mind in the future and wants to fight for custody or sth like that, it will be problematic and disruptive to our lives.
but i really dont wish to contact him now. and wish that he will just remain gone forever, or at least until my girl is 20 and wishes to see him. i think i've found balance now and don't want to disrupt this 'balance' and i'm also unsure of what his response will be. what if he intended to remain gone but since i've contacted him, he changes his mind and wants to see the baby or sth?
sigh.
anyone with similar experience?
Hi, I'm 32 with a 6 mths old boy. I will be signing the DOS coming Mon. Gald that I found this thread to get support from one another. He is seeing another married woman who also has a young child. He said he no longer loves me and wants to be with her. Of cos I was deeply hurt but there's nothing I can do. At times, I thought of confronting the other woman, want to ask her how she bear to leave her son?? Anyway, I decided to let go. Now, my main worries is my boy. Just like one of you have mentioned, what happens if the teacher asks them to write compo on their daddy... I'm ao worried. I have also not told any one about my separation cos doesn't want to worry my parents. Intend to keep it from them till the time is right... My email is [email protected]
singlemomof3
Member
jaze, wow yours is an interesting case and I took some time to search on the net... but most of the information is for US child custody laws and even that differs for each state! I would suggest that you consult with a lawyer to be sure of the pros and cons. *hugs*
jeslyn, if he can leave you and your son for another married woman with a young child, he most certainly can leave HER. I'm glad that you have decided to let go. Your son is young and that is good. He will only have memories of you caring for him... make the most of it!
jeslyn, if he can leave you and your son for another married woman with a young child, he most certainly can leave HER. I'm glad that you have decided to let go. Your son is young and that is good. He will only have memories of you caring for him... make the most of it!
hi jeslyn,
dont worry since u have already made ur decision. i'm sure you've thought about it thoroughly.
last time in sch, i had several friends who were brought up singlehandedly by their mothers. none of them were teased abt. nobody treated them any differently in fact.
anyway, and from my own experience, it's more impt that BOTH a child's parents are happy. it's better than him living in a house where both parents keep fighting or daddy is always not at home for the night right? then he will wonder.
yup, singlemomof3 is right. is good that he is young, so its easy for him to accept the situation naturally when he gets older.
as for the compo part, i dont rem my teachers giving such compo! they are sensitive to children raised by 1 parent in case of widow/divorced etc and usually the topics are like, write abt any family/person u admire or sth like tt. anyway, if u taught your son to accept ur DOS well, he may even surprise u with a good answer matter-of-factly like, "I'm not close to my daddy, but can i write about my mummy instead?"
dont worry since u have already made ur decision. i'm sure you've thought about it thoroughly.
last time in sch, i had several friends who were brought up singlehandedly by their mothers. none of them were teased abt. nobody treated them any differently in fact.
anyway, and from my own experience, it's more impt that BOTH a child's parents are happy. it's better than him living in a house where both parents keep fighting or daddy is always not at home for the night right? then he will wonder.
yup, singlemomof3 is right. is good that he is young, so its easy for him to accept the situation naturally when he gets older.
as for the compo part, i dont rem my teachers giving such compo! they are sensitive to children raised by 1 parent in case of widow/divorced etc and usually the topics are like, write abt any family/person u admire or sth like tt. anyway, if u taught your son to accept ur DOS well, he may even surprise u with a good answer matter-of-factly like, "I'm not close to my daddy, but can i write about my mummy instead?"
