Need some Divorce advise

Ek886

Ek886

New Member
I am a PR with 2 child 2yo 4yo, my husband wants to divorce me after I caught him red handed at hotel lobby when he finds prostitute, this is not the 1st time I caught him being unfaithful to me. It’s been multiple time since I married him. I keep on forgiving him because of two children. He is the one who Want to file an divorce to me now. I am a stay home mom since my 2yo son born. We stay with his parents at landed property since we married. He also never give me fix monthly allowance. Mayb sometimes happy give me $800 $500 like that . He only allow me to use his credit card for spending expenses on children things or sometimes I eat outside . We tried to discuss nicely throughout the divorce but I Wan my 2child sole n care to be with me. He doesn’t allow that mentioning I cannot take care of them as I always rely on maid to do everything claiming that I am lazy at house dun even do things n did not contribute to his family at all.

Just Wan to know anyone who is same situation with me ?

1. Will I get my child sole n care if we divorce ?( I m not working also no income ）

2. He say he will contest with me over the child sole n care coz he is the one who paying for all expenses all the while. The child will be under a comfortable condition if he get child meanwhile follow me they might need to stay at hdb . Children Lifestyle will be different if I take them with me.

3. Now he even threaten me that I do not have money to contest with him on the divorce. He can make me lose my child sole n care n everything

what can I do? pls help me
 


Why do you want sole custody?

Care and control is enough. Is it truly in your child's interest for sole custody?
 
EricaAka said:
I am a PR with 2 child 2yo 4yo, my husband wants to divorce me after I caught him red handed at hotel lobby when he finds prostitute, this is not the 1st time I caught him being unfaithful to me. It’s been multiple time since I married him. I keep on forgiving him because of two children. He is the one who Want to file an divorce to me now. I am a stay home mom since my 2yo son born. We stay with his parents at landed property since we married. He also never give me fix monthly allowance. Mayb sometimes happy give me $800 $500 like that . He only allow me to use his credit card for spending expenses on children things or sometimes I eat outside . We tried to discuss nicely throughout the divorce but I Wan my 2child sole n care to be with me. He doesn’t allow that mentioning I cannot take care of them as I always rely on maid to do everything claiming that I am lazy at house dun even do things n did not contribute to his family at all.

Just Wan to know anyone who is same situation with me ?

1. Will I get my child sole n care if we divorce ?( I m not working also no income ）

2. He say he will contest with me over the child sole n care coz he is the one who paying for all expenses all the while. The child will be under a comfortable condition if he get child meanwhile follow me they might need to stay at hdb . Children Lifestyle will be different if I take them with me.

3. Now he even threaten me that I do not have money to contest with him on the divorce. He can make me lose my child sole n care n everything

what can I do? pls help me
Click to expand...
maybe u can try Aware or legal aids to help you
 
EricaAka said:
I am a PR with 2 child 2yo 4yo, my husband wants to divorce me after I caught him red handed at hotel lobby when he finds prostitute, this is not the 1st time I caught him being unfaithful to me. It’s been multiple time since I married him. I keep on forgiving him because of two children. He is the one who Want to file an divorce to me now. I am a stay home mom since my 2yo son born. We stay with his parents at landed property since we married. He also never give me fix monthly allowance. Mayb sometimes happy give me $800 $500 like that . He only allow me to use his credit card for spending expenses on children things or sometimes I eat outside . We tried to discuss nicely throughout the divorce but I Wan my 2child sole n care to be with me. He doesn’t allow that mentioning I cannot take care of them as I always rely on maid to do everything claiming that I am lazy at house dun even do things n did not contribute to his family at all.

Just Wan to know anyone who is same situation with me ?

1. Will I get my child sole n care if we divorce ?( I m not working also no income ）

2. He say he will contest with me over the child sole n care coz he is the one who paying for all expenses all the while. The child will be under a comfortable condition if he get child meanwhile follow me they might need to stay at hdb . Children Lifestyle will be different if I take them with me.

3. Now he even threaten me that I do not have money to contest with him on the divorce. He can make me lose my child sole n care n everything

what can I do? pls help me
Click to expand...

Erica,

how old are you? and how old is he?

1) sole custody unless you can take care children by yourself. Your children still young.
If you get sole custody , what if he doesn’t care to give you maintenance?
Can you support 2 children by yourself?

Tell him Share custody , if children live with you ,take maintenance $, give him responsibility, you have some rest day too.

2) Or Share custody children live with him , if your in laws can help take care children, the environment is good, why not let your children live with him and u bring them back on weekend.

Better than you alone , have to work with no help.
What if children sick? You can’t keep taking MC from work.
And Pri school need tuition and need someone help guide homework....etc.

Unless you have someone help you care of children ao you can focus on work if not it will be very tough.
Why make your life so tough and let him enjoy freedom (no need care of children)?

When your children around 10-11 years old, you can contact them directly ,or when your job and financial are stable, you can ask them to live with you more days.

So you have to find a job first, has a stable income ,has a place to live then you can plan for your children to live with you.
 
i will let the children stay with his parents because better environment. it’s hard but it looks like better than what i can provide for them.

from the family background that he has, you might lose custody. try to see what he wants so that u can have share custody.
 
EricaAka said:
I am a PR with 2 child 2yo 4yo, my husband wants to divorce me after I caught him red handed at hotel lobby when he finds prostitute, this is not the 1st time I caught him being unfaithful to me. It’s been multiple time since I married him. I keep on forgiving him because of two children. He is the one who Want to file an divorce to me now. I am a stay home mom since my 2yo son born. We stay with his parents at landed property since we married. He also never give me fix monthly allowance. Mayb sometimes happy give me $800 $500 like that . He only allow me to use his credit card for spending expenses on children things or sometimes I eat outside . We tried to discuss nicely throughout the divorce but I Wan my 2child sole n care to be with me. He doesn’t allow that mentioning I cannot take care of them as I always rely on maid to do everything claiming that I am lazy at house dun even do things n did not contribute to his family at all.

Just Wan to know anyone who is same situation with me ?

1. Will I get my child sole n care if we divorce ?( I m not working also no income ）

2. He say he will contest with me over the child sole n care coz he is the one who paying for all expenses all the while. The child will be under a comfortable condition if he get child meanwhile follow me they might need to stay at hdb . Children Lifestyle will be different if I take them with me.

3. Now he even threaten me that I do not have money to contest with him on the divorce. He can make me lose my child sole n care n everything

what can I do? pls help me
Click to expand...
Hi I will try to answer your question:-

1) Sole custody is not really in favor. This means that if anything happens to your kids, your hubby can’t make any decision. A sensible way should be joint custody. I believe what you really want is care and control.

2) doesn’t matter if you are house wife, the woman charter is here to protect you. In other words, your hubby has to provide you almost the same level of comfort before and after the divorce. I hope your hubby get his fact correct.

3) u can approach Aware or those legal aid to help you out.
Finally, you will always have high chance of getting the care and control unless you give up.

John.
 
axioms said:
Why do you want sole custody?

Care and control is enough. Is it truly in your child's interest for sole custody?
Click to expand...
Sorry not sole, I agreed with share custody but he even Wan me to give up the care n control to him
 
poco said:
Erica,

how old are you? and how old is he?

1) sole custody unless you can take care children by yourself. Your children still young.
If you get sole custody , what if he doesn’t care to give you maintenance?
Can you support 2 children by yourself?

Tell him Share custody , if children live with you ,take maintenance $, give him responsibility, you have some rest day too.

2) Or Share custody children live with him , if your in laws can help take care children, the environment is good, why not let your children live with him and u bring them back on weekend.

Better than you alone , have to work with no help.
What if children sick? You can’t keep taking MC from work.
And Pri school need tuition and need someone help guide homework....etc.

Unless you have someone help you care of children ao you can focus on work if not it will be very tough.
Why make your life so tough and let him enjoy freedom (no need care of children)?

When your children around 10-11 years old, you can contact them directly ,or when your job and financial are stable, you can ask them to live with you more days.

So you have to find a job first, has a stable income ,has a place to live then you can plan for your children to live with you.
Click to expand...
I m 31 he is 35 , not sole . Is shared custody but he wants me to give the care n control to him also . Even the children stay with him also the helper look after , he dun even spend time on them. Always busy with his so called friends n flings. I dun bear to separate with my kids as I was the one who spend most of time with them since their birth. Of coz I wish to get both my kids with me if there is possibility , where got mother wish to being separated with the child especially the younger one only 2yo.n 4yo.
 
johntan68 said:
Hi I will try to answer your question:-

1) Sole custody is not really in favor. This means that if anything happens to your kids, your hubby can’t make any decision. A sensible way should be joint custody. I believe what you really want is care and control.

2) doesn’t matter if you are house wife, the woman charter is here to protect you. In other words, your hubby has to provide you almost the same level of comfort before and after the divorce. I hope your hubby get his fact correct.

3) u can approach Aware or those legal aid to help you out.
Finally, you will always have high chance of getting the care and control unless you give up.

John.
Click to expand...
Ya. He want the care n control of the kids, but I dun agree with it, he say he will contest with me if I dun let go the care n control to him .
 
johntan68 said:
2) doesn’t matter if you are house wife, the woman charter is here to protect you. In other words, your hubby has to provide you almost the same level of comfort before and after the divorce. I hope your hubby get his fact correct.
Click to expand...

in fact her been a housewife is advantageous, since it means she sacrificed more for him
 
axioms said:
in fact her been a housewife is advantageous, since it means she sacrificed more for him
Click to expand...
Do u think there is difference on the result if I engaged outside paid lawyer or I get the government legal aid to help me on this ? I wishes my child can get the best alimony either maintenance amount which we deserve to. Since he is been cruel to me now.
 
EricaAka said:
I m 31 he is 35 , not sole . Is shared custody but he wants me to give the care n control to him also . Even the children stay with him also the helper look after , he dun even spend time on them. Always busy with his so called friends n flings. I dun bear to separate with my kids as I was the one who spend most of time with them since their birth. Of coz I wish to get both my kids with me if there is possibility , where got mother wish to being separated with the child especially the younger one only 2yo.n 4yo.
Click to expand...

EricaAka:
Do you have relatives to help you ?
do you have a place to stay
Your elder child girl or boy?

Usually if children below 7 years old, court will give the children to mother’s care.
But you have to prove your side that you have a stable place to stay and has a job.

You can’t depend on your husband maintenance to pay for your house , your expenses, children ...etc unless he has a very high income.
But what if he delays pay you maintenance fees for months?
Or what if he remarry and has his own children?

You are still young. Is best you put your children in childcare now and look for a job. You will have a higher chance to get full care for your 2 children.

Or rent a place near your in-law house, so everyday after work you can bring your children stay with you or visit them.
Let them help take care day time.
Talk to your in-laws.
 
if u have the care and control of your children, your husband have to pay maintenance to you. once the judge give judgement he have to pay maintenance make sure he pay, if he doesn't bring him to court. dont live in stone age where husband refuses to pay just keep quiet, know your rights make him accountable for his action.
 
poco said:
EricaAka:
Do you have relatives to help you ?
do you have a place to stay
Your elder child girl or boy?

Usually if children below 7 years old, court will give the children to mother’s care.
But you have to prove your side that you have a stable place to stay and has a job.

You can’t depend on your husband maintenance to pay for your house , your expenses, children ...etc unless he has a very high income.
But what if he delays pay you maintenance fees for months?
Or what if he remarry and has his own children?

You are still young. Is best you put your children in childcare now and look for a job. You will have a higher chance to get full care for your 2 children.

Or rent a place near your in-law house, so everyday after work you can bring your children stay with you or visit them.
Let them help take care day time.
Talk to your in-laws.
Click to expand...
1. No. I did not have any relatives to help me out here. If divorce only all by myself n a maid with me.
2.If we divorce I move out with children, I will need him to find me a place to stay with 2child ( both son ) this I will ask him to pay.
3. He does have very high income approximately earnings 150k per mth
4. I will look for a job next year after cny as my younger one will go to childcare after cny,
5. I agreed with rent a place nearby my in law house as I dun need to travel far also.
6. my in law definitely wants to keep the children to stay with them but this is what i dun Wan as after divorce I couldn’t be stay at their hse u see. I afraid they will be sarcastic to me if I continue like nothing happens n stay with them even my husband agree to move out from this house
 
margret said:
if u have the care and control of your children, your husband have to pay maintenance to you. once the judge give judgement he have to pay maintenance make sure he pay, if he doesn't bring him to court. dont live in stone age where husband refuses to pay just keep quiet, know your rights make him accountable for his action.
Click to expand...
That’s y now he said he going to contest with me over the child care n control as he dun Wan I take out the children from his parents house. If I take out he will need to pay all expenses which he not willing to .
 
dont work first. get maintenance from him since he earn so much. get all the credit bill n receipt to prove your expenses.
 
margret said:
dont work first. get maintenance from him since he earn so much. get all the credit bill n receipt to prove your expenses.
Click to expand...
He is a very clever n stingy person to me lor. All the while he allow me use his credit card, he only gave me $500 cash like that when he happy, not every mth somemore, when comes to discuss about divorce he agree to give me 3k alimony 2k for each children, but now he say he wants the child to stay with grandparents means I also stay at his parents house n bargain with me the child maintenance 2k it way too much for per child n he asked me to list down all the expenses for the child now . I really feel pissed off. He can spend on his luxurious clothing n food all that easily 700- 1500 per clothes or shoe. Now come n bargain the child 2k maintenance per mth too much.
 
EricaAka said:
1. No. I did not have any relatives to help me out here. If divorce only all by myself n a maid with me.
2.If we divorce I move out with children, I will need him to find me a place to stay with 2child ( both son ) this I will ask him to pay.
3. He does have very high income approximately earnings 150k per mth
4. I will look for a job next year after cny as my younger one will go to childcare after cny,
5. I agreed with rent a place nearby my in law house as I dun need to travel far also.
6. my in law definitely wants to keep the children to stay with them but this is what i dun Wan as after divorce I couldn’t be stay at their hse u see. I afraid they will be sarcastic to me if I continue like nothing happens n stay with them even my husband agree to move out from this house
Click to expand...

Since he has high income, u hire private lawyer to fight maintenance - your expenses, rent and children care...etc.
You can start searching for a lawyer who is able to help you.
 
poco said:
Since he has high income, u hire private lawyer to fight maintenance - your expenses, rent and children care...etc.
You can start searching for a lawyer who is able to help you.
Click to expand...
Does a private lawyer n those legal aid lawyer makes different result in contested divorce? He got high income but doesn’t mean I can afford to hire a private lawyer to fight with him ah. What if I lose on the contest ?
 
EricaAka said:
Does a private lawyer n those legal aid lawyer makes different result in contested divorce? He got high income but doesn’t mean I can afford to hire a private lawyer to fight with him ah. What if I lose on the contest ?
Click to expand...

I’m not sure does it make a difference but I heard if go thru legal aid lawyer may need to meditate first and has to wait appointment date....
Where are you from?

Btw his salary is $150k per year or per month?
If $150k per month , you should ask min $30k from him.

How’s your in-laws react? Did they help you?
If possible, settle with him ambicably.
Or give both of you 1-2 years to work things out.
No rush for divorce, no good for children too.

He has high income, your children below 7 , normally you will win children care and high maintenance fees.
Since he was the one at fault too.
Is he doing his own business or work for people?
 
Last edited:
poco said:
I’m not sure does it make a difference but I heard if go thru legal aid lawyer may need to meditate first and has to wait appointment date....
Where are you from?

Btw his salary is $150k per year or per month?
If $150k per month , you should ask min $30k from him.

How’s your in-laws react? Did they help you?
If possible, settle with him ambicably.
Or give both of you 1-2 years to work things out.
No rush for divorce, no good for children too.

He has high income, your children below 7 , normally you will win children care and high maintenance fees.
Since he was the one at fault too.
Is he doing his own business or work for people?
Click to expand...
Per mth, my in law of course side the son one what. No matter what had he done they will not blame him one, blood thicker than water . Now is he Wan to get rid of me ASAP . He already file the divorce on his side , Wan to get 2k out from his pocket already so hard still Wan to say 30k , dream too early , he work for ppl one
 
EricaAka said:
Per mth, my in law of course side the son one what. No matter what had he done they will not blame him one, blood thicker than water . Now is he Wan to get rid of me ASAP . He already file the divorce on his side , Wan to get 2k out from his pocket already so hard still Wan to say 30k , dream too early , he work for ppl one
Click to expand...

Good that he work for people so he can’t cheat on his income.

Already file divorce... then better if u hire private lawyer to fight for your rights.
Tell lawyer your situation, and if he earns 150k per month, asking for 20% @$30k of his income is not too much.

Use his credit card to pay for lawyer fees to open file, he hasn’t cancel it right?
 
poco said:
Good that he work for people so he can’t cheat on his income.

Already file divorce... then better if u hire private lawyer to fight for your rights.
Tell lawyer your situation, and if he earns 150k per month, asking for 20% @$30k of his income is not too much.

Use his credit card to pay for lawyer fees to open file, he hasn’t cancel it right?
Click to expand...
Do u have a good lawyer to recommend ? I think 30k is not possible la. As believe flower does not bloom forever, now he earn that much mayb in future he does not leh. Not possible he will commit with that amount lah, he haven’t cancel the card but he did check on every single things I spend
 
EricaAka said:
Do u have a good lawyer to recommend ? I think 30k is not possible la. As believe flower does not bloom forever, now he earn that much mayb in future he does not leh. Not possible he will commit with that amount lah, he haven’t cancel the card but he did check on every single things I spend
Click to expand...
be realistic ask for what u need only. if u dont push him to the wall, he wouldn't fight back.
u ask 30k, he sure will contest.
try to get the credit bill for last few months to prove that u need all those expenses.
if u wan good lawyer let me know.

very curious, what he file divorce against you?
 
margret said:
be realistic ask for what u need only. if u dont push him to the wall, he wouldn't fight back.
u ask 30k, he sure will contest.
try to get the credit bill for last few months to prove that u need all those expenses.
if u wan good lawyer let me know.

very curious, what he file divorce against you?
Click to expand...
Not possible to get the credit card bill from him.. as I mentioned that the credit card I spend belongs to him. if I asked him sure he will protect himself not to give me the statement. He told me he file unreasonable behaviour on himself, but then I think who will go n file ownself wrong Sia.. he claims that I was unfit to be a mother, Claims that I rely on my maid to do all the stuff like cooking for kids , seldom bath them or fetch the older one back from sch , never feed them by myself, like I was handicapped in the house.
 
EricaAka said:
Do u have a good lawyer to recommend ? I think 30k is not possible la. As believe flower does not bloom forever, now he earn that much mayb in future he does not leh. Not possible he will commit with that amount lah, he haven’t cancel the card but he did check on every single things I spend
Click to expand...

I dunno good Lawyer.
You try Google.You have to go for few Lawyers for short consultation and pricing. I think shld be free? Then u decide which one u feel comfortable with.

Your husband has claim that you did nothing at home, leave everything to maid, did not do your duties as mother and wife....etc.
You have to really find a good lawyer who can help you.
 
poco said:
I dunno good Lawyer.
You try Google.You have to go for few Lawyers for short consultation and pricing. I think shld be free? Then u decide which one u feel comfortable with.

Your husband has claim that you did nothing at home, leave everything to maid, did not do your duties as mother and wife....etc.
You have to really find a good lawyer who can help you.
Click to expand...
I will
 
EricaAka said:
Not possible to get the credit card bill from him.. as I mentioned that the credit card I spend belongs to him. if I asked him sure he will protect himself not to give me the statement. He told me he file unreasonable behaviour on himself, but then I think who will go n file ownself wrong Sia.. he claims that I was unfit to be a mother, Claims that I rely on my maid to do all the stuff like cooking for kids , seldom bath them or fetch the older one back from sch , never feed them by myself, like I was handicapped in the house.
Click to expand...

There is no way a person can file a divorce based on his wrong doing.

If he file that u are unreasonable based on those issue u mention then u have to contest and rebut if not u will lose your care and control. Also u have to counter him back. For instance any evidence of him going to prostitution
 
wendy_reborn said:
There is no way a person can file a divorce based on his wrong doing.

If he file that u are unreasonable based on those issue u mention then u have to contest and rebut if not u will lose your care and control. Also u have to counter him back. For instance any evidence of him going to prostitution
Click to expand...
I hav no evidence. Couldn’t get the check in record from the hotel
 
EricaAka said:
Not possible to get the credit card bill from him.. as I mentioned that the credit card I spend belongs to him. if I asked him sure he will protect himself not to give me the statement. He told me he file unreasonable behaviour on himself, but then I think who will go n file ownself wrong Sia.. he claims that I was unfit to be a mother, Claims that I rely on my maid to do all the stuff like cooking for kids , seldom bath them or fetch the older one back from sch , never feed them by myself, like I was handicapped in the house.
Click to expand...
Hi margret, could u pm me the lawyer contact
 
Ek886 said:
I am a PR with 2 child 2yo 4yo, my husband wants to divorce me after I caught him red handed at hotel lobby when he finds prostitute, this is not the 1st time I caught him being unfaithful to me. It’s been multiple time since I married him. I keep on forgiving him because of two children. He is the one who Want to file an divorce to me now. I am a stay home mom since my 2yo son born. We stay with his parents at landed property since we married. He also never give me fix monthly allowance. Mayb sometimes happy give me $800 $500 like that . He only allow me to use his credit card for spending expenses on children things or sometimes I eat outside . We tried to discuss nicely throughout the divorce but I Wan my 2child sole n care to be with me. He doesn’t allow that mentioning I cannot take care of them as I always rely on maid to do everything claiming that I am lazy at house dun even do things n did not contribute to his family at all.

Just Wan to know anyone who is same situation with me ?

1. Will I get my child sole n care if we divorce ?( I m not working also no income ）

2. He say he will contest with me over the child sole n care coz he is the one who paying for all expenses all the while. The child will be under a comfortable condition if he get child meanwhile follow me they might need to stay at hdb . Children Lifestyle will be different if I take them with me.

3. Now he even threaten me that I do not have money to contest with him on the divorce. He can make me lose my child sole n care n everything

what can I do? pls help me
Click to expand...


Have you considered alternatives like marriage counselling or trying to understand why he want to find professional sex worker instead of finding you for sex? Have you considered alternate arrangements like he can go out find sex but cannot touch you sexually (at least protect you from STDs)? After all, you marry him and have a sheltered life (him allowing you to use his credit card). Divorce is quite ugly to go through unless he wants it. The more urgent matter is to do a health checkup and ensure you have not caught any disease.

Ek886 said:
Not possible to get the credit card bill from him.. as I mentioned that the credit card I spend belongs to him. if I asked him sure he will protect himself not to give me the statement. He told me he file unreasonable behaviour on himself, but then I think who will go n file ownself wrong Sia.. he claims that I was unfit to be a mother, Claims that I rely on my maid to do all the stuff like cooking for kids , seldom bath them or fetch the older one back from sch , never feed them by myself, like I was handicapped in the house.
Click to expand...

Do you have a maid at home that does all those things he mentioned? If there is no maid in your house then he is obviously lying.. If there's a maid at home, does she do those stuff he mentioned? It is really your word vs his word.
 
Ek886 said:
He is a very clever n stingy person to me lor. All the while he allow me use his credit card, he only gave me $500 cash like that when he happy, not every mth somemore, when comes to discuss about divorce he agree to give me 3k alimony 2k for each children, but now he say he wants the child to stay with grandparents means I also stay at his parents house n bargain with me the child maintenance 2k it way too much for per child n he asked me to list down all the expenses for the child now . I really feel pissed off. He can spend on his luxurious clothing n food all that easily 700- 1500 per clothes or shoe. Now come n bargain the child 2k maintenance per mth too much.
Click to expand...

Finally, are you a PR by marriage? If you are, high chance, he can claim you use him to get PR via marriage. So be careful when raising divorce. My advice is seek marriage counselling.
 
queenieso said:
I was in a somewhat similar situation before. I know you feel helpless being a non-native and somehow it is like just you against the world and as you can see, some replies are victim blaming you.
Women should be stronger and learn how to retaliate. Husbands should not dictate how a relationship runs. Women should stop being so submissive.
You deserve better. Sometimes, the laws laid down are so strict that it when it eventually runs, you find yourself on the losing end. I know because I went through an almost the same process. I eventually had to go to contract killer to finish a job which I should have done long ago to keep my sanity after the abuse physically and emotionally.
Click to expand...
Yes. It is very true, but I will try my best to get my children even The chances is 50-50. I wouldn’t rest without a fight
 
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