My husband hit me


Oh dear... sorry to hear that Korena. Are you able to provide details so that we may help you if we can? If ever you feel unsafe for yourself and the baby, please do reach out to your family and close friends... don't take it all alone. :(
 
He's job was unstable, ran into debts. He went MBS Casino lost a lot of money, from saving to borrowing. He kept saying that he want to find opportunity to earn money. When bills come every month, I told him bills come. He always said that will prepare will prepare, some months are paid some months not paid. Times I only left few dollars with me. I want to ask him for money, but I scare that I will stress him. Sometimes, he will even say why I spent money so fast. But I only spent in needs. His work stress and money stress turns on criticizing me, shouting at me, scolding me, then hitting me when I asked for divorce. I don't want my family to look down on him. I'm worried about how my family will see him. I love him very much, but he keep hiding and tell lies til a point I don't know what is the truth. I feel very hurt, very disappointed. But I still love him. What I should do?
 
I'm sure you love him... but right now, you and your baby are more important. You need support from your family.

A marriage is not perfect, our parents have gone through hard times before too... so while they may judge him for how he is treating you now (and they have every right to, you are their beloved daughter!), they might also accept him again when he changes for the better. By confiding in them doesn't mean that you don't love him. It means that at least your family can watch out for you.

Hitting is not ok. It's not ok even if you aren't pregnant. Hitting when you're pregnant is even worse. What's going to happen if this remains unresolved even after the baby is born? If he carries on hitting you, your baby will bear the brunt of it when he or she is born. A baby is going to cry and fuss and that can frustrate an already stressed person even more... you need to reach out to your family so that they can help you now before things get out of hand...
 
My family will take me away from him. I'm afraid that he can't take the mental stress, as he's in very bad situation now
 
Hi Korean,

My situation is slightly similar to yours minus the physical abuse.

Lying and lying until don't know what is the truth.

Anyway it's dangerous for you and baby now. Is it his first time hitting you? Did you talk to him after that? Tell him you will not tolerate another episode!
 
He's job was unstable, ran into debts. He went MBS Casino lost a lot of money, from saving to borrowing. He kept saying that he want to find opportunity to earn money. When bills come every month, I told him bills come. He always said that will prepare will prepare, some months are paid some months not paid. Times I only left few dollars with me. I want to ask him for money, but I scare that I will stress him. Sometimes, he will even say why I spent money so fast. But I only spent in needs. His work stress and money stress turns on criticizing me, shouting at me, scolding me, then hitting me when I asked for divorce. I don't want my family to look down on him. I'm worried about how my family will see him. I love him very much, but he keep hiding and tell lies til a point I don't know what is the truth. I feel very hurt, very disappointed. But I still love him. What I should do?
Sad to say, gambling destroys family. Especially, when he starts to borrow to gamble. Moreover, he gets abusive.

For the safety of ur child, ur baby and urself, u should reach out to ur family.
 
Hi chubbybaby2

This is not the first time, everytime I initial divorce or go against him. he will think that I left him in his lowest state of life, and start to shout n hit. My reason was because I don't want to be his burden
 
Hi brainy smurf,

He start to borrow to gamble. But he always tried his best to return. But he will always promise return someone in full, in the end only partial. Or he will find reasons and excuses to drag a period when he can find money to return. But also in the process of finding money. His attitude and bad tamper worsen
 
Hi Chubbybaby2,

He lied a lot. I know is because he don't want me to worried. He will always act strong, that he still alright. But I know situation was bad. I just want a husband to wife honest talk. At least I understand and can try to help.
 
Hi brainy smurf,

He start to borrow to gamble. But he always tried his best to return. But he will always promise return someone in full, in the end only partial. Or he will find reasons and excuses to drag a period when he can find money to return. But also in the process of finding money. His attitude and bad tamper worsen
Have u had a heart to heart chat with him on why he gambled?
Even from a man perspective, hitting of wife on any circumstances is wrong.

Gamble, Drink and prositution are all vices that destroys family.

If u still want to salvage ur marriage, better talk to him with another person around. This will prevent him from hitting u again.

Go to CC, blacklist him from casinos.

Just my 2cents worth.
 
I feel that if it's not the first time he has hit you, then all the more you need to remove yourself and your baby from this situation and speak to your family.

It will never end. I'm sorry, but that is the truth... it won't end until an intervention from family members take place.

Think about it. With his temper and negative outlook right now, how is he in the right mindset to think of salvaging his job and to make money properly? It's an endless cycle. To pick himself up, he first needs to snap out of this. If he doesn't snap out of this and break the cycle, he will only burrow himself deeper.

It has been proven time and time again that domestic violence only escalates, it never ends until the victim reaches out for help. And more often than not, the children are the ones suffering - either getting abused themselves, or witnessing their mothers being abused. It damages their future. In the end, the abusers do not feel remorseful but it is the mothers who feel guilty for not protecting their children until it's too late.

Can you bear to see your husband venting his stress on your baby? This may sound harsh but at the end of the day, if you don't protect your baby and yourself, no one will. Korena, you are not alone. Your family loves you. Don't end up hurting yourself, your baby or your family. Is it worth it?

I agree with what some mummies have suggested above... when you talk to him, always have someone else with you. Bring a family member or friend along. It's when he knows that others are aware of the situation and are looking out for you, he will be more conscious of his actions and abuse.

Are you working?
 
Hi brainy smurf,

I did had a heart to heart talk with him. He said is the fastest way to find money for daily expenses.

He don't drink or find prosituties.

If I find another person go with me, I already show him indirectly I don't trust him anymore. Will cause more negatives to him. I'm his wife, I shouldn't give him more negatives. Sometimes he will need to go casino find his business partners
 
Hi CHH_Mummy,

Currently I'm not working totally. I don't want my family to know is because I don't want him lose his self confidence. What you said is true, domestic violence mostly escalates. But I saw how my husband cared and loved me before. Even he can eat plain porridge with can food. He will still want me to eat proper food. Can I say he is in lost way now?
 
Hi brainy smurf,

I did had a heart to heart talk with him. He said is the fastest way to find money for daily expenses.

He don't drink or find prosituties.

If I find another person go with me, I already show him indirectly I don't trust him anymore. Will cause more negatives to him. I'm his wife, I shouldn't give him more negatives. Sometimes he will need to go casino find his business partners
It's not about trust. He is getting abusive, and might get more abusive.

Sometimes, when things happen, it will become too late. Try to find his siblings or parents to resolve this problem.
If u need to find business deals in casinos, I think something is not very right. I only heard of business deals in nightclubs. How will u be able to clinch business deal when u have the jackpot machines in front of u?
If business is bad, get a down to earth job.

Anyway, the bottom statement still remains. If he hits u again, call the police. Protect urself and ur baby and even ur kid.

Just my 2cents worth.
*ps I am a man. And real men don't blame their wife for their problems at work. *
 
Hi brainy smurf,

He is abusive and might get more. I don't dare to tell anyone now. I'm afraid he will lose his reputation, I know I must protect my baby. As for "real man don't blame their wife for their problems at work" maybe he is stressing on heavily on family daily expenses?
 
@brainy smurf is right. I've had problems at work too. So did my husband. Life is not smooth sailing. There are ups and downs. But instead of venting our frustrations at one another, we support and help each other. There is no excuse to spousal abuse. No reasons can justify it.

All I can say is... if you don't protect yourself and your baby, you will only have yourself to blame if your baby ever gets hurts. This is harsh, yes. But it is also the truth. So be strong, Korena.

I'm glad that you're reaching out to your family. Trust me, it's the right thing to do. You need support now. All we can give you on this forum are advise and listening ears... but we don't know you or your husband so there's a limit to how much we can help you. Whereas your family is there for you physically and that is very important especially now that you're pregnant. Pregnancy is not easy, giving birth is not easy... if you have to deal with being abused on top of it, you will get postnatal depression. Take care of yourself. Life is precious.
 
Once he hits you, he will definitely hit you again. Moreover you are now 3 months pregnant. Maybe you move back to your parents' place for the time being.
 
Hi brainy smurf,

He is abusive and might get more. I don't dare to tell anyone now. I'm afraid he will lose his reputation, I know I must protect my baby. As for "real man don't blame their wife for their problems at work" maybe he is stressing on heavily on family daily expenses?
Hope everything is OK for u..

To risk ur husband reputation or to risk your unborn baby, young kid and urself is all up to u.

A man who make mistakes, admit it, changes, is a real man.

At this time, u need ur parents, siblings protection against ur husband.

U need to stay safe, unharmed with ur unborn, and kid in order to have any chance of rebuilding this family.

Just sharing...
 
I'm at my family place now. They came over to pack some of my stuffs. I don't know what my husband is feeling now. I guess he have not reach home yet
 
I'm scare that my husband will do harm to himself or commit suicide , I'm worried he cannot take the stress.
 
U left the house to protect ur kid and ur unborn. If u stay, there is a chance that ur husband might abuse u and might even hurt ur kid or unborn.
 
He keep calling my phone, texting me to forgive him. My family told me don't answer or reply anything. What I should do?
 
He keep calling my phone, texting me to forgive him. My family told me don't answer or reply anything. What I should do?
I guess ur family is right, at least for this few days. He needs to cool down and reflect on his wrongdoings.

What he have done, have already brought hurt and damage to the family. He need to pick up himself, quits gambling.

You really need to rest more as you are pregnant.

Hope everything will turn out fine for you.
 
I'm the one that is with him. I know why I fall in love with him in the first place. My family can ignore him, because my family not in love with him. I'm the one that love him.
 
Love is blind. No one will blame you. Instead of worrying his well being, you should really take care of urself and ur pregnancy.

He is a adult. He have to be responsible for the things he have done. He need to calm down if he want to salvage his family.

As head of household, he need to be strong, deal with problems, accept mistakes, make amendments, apologise, move on.

All men make mistakes. Just admit, apologise, change. He will be back as a better husband, father.

You might want to use this abuse to negotiate with him. I guess from the words u wrote, you still loves him alot and wants to rebuild this family.

Just sharing.
 
Yes I love him. But i don't want to be abused. It really hurts when I saw someone I love turns to be like that. But he keep texting me he can't live without me, he said he realized. He said he love me a lot. Can someone admit mistakes so fast?
 
He kept texting me that he can't live without me, love me and realized his mistakes. Can someone realized so fast?
 
He kept texting me that he can't live without me, love me and realized his mistakes. Can someone realized so fast?
Possible.

I would suggest a few things. (Just sharing)

1. Ask him write down all the mistakes he think he made on a book. He is supposed to write down how will he change. Maybe, if possible, make him verbally promised to ur parents and his parents that he will never ever hit u again.

Example:
Mistake 1: I have hit my wife on the face in the midst of an arugement.

Actions promised:
I promised not to do it again under any circumstances. I will walk away to cool off in the event of future arugement. I, John, husband of korena will under no circumstances/situation physically or verbally abuse my wife. If this was to happen, my wife, korena will bring the kids and divorce me and will never forgive me.


2. He will have to list down all debts owned and the debtors.

3. He will have to come up with a detailed plan on monthly installments to which debtors and amounts.

I think Man in general can follow written instructions better. And hopefully, these written statements will remind him strongly never to exercise his fists ever again.

But if there is a 2nd time, u can forget about this man. Chinese saying - the dog can't change his habit of eating shit.

Anyway, just sharing.
 
I fully agree with @brainy smurf. I'm glad that you're with your family now. If he doesn't take this opportunity to change and break the cycle of gambling and abusing, then you're honestly better off without him as it shows that it will only get worse after your child is born.

If he learns from his mistakes, then there's an opportunity to rebuild your marriage. My thoughts is to not move back so fast, like what @brainy smurf said... he needs to calm down first. He needs to be in a clear state of mind for you two to work this out constructively. And remember, always have your family with you when you talk it out with him. Don't go and meet him alone.
 
Thank you brainy smurf

Making him write down is something that I'm doing to revenge by insulting him like a kid. For debts I believe he wouldn't take long to pay, because for my understanding. He doesn't like to borrow money in the past. Only helping friends by lending friends money and never return. I'm just afraid that he does any silly things like ending himself
 
Thank you CHH_Mummy

When I know him until our marriage is 7 years. The only gambling he know was Chinese New Year poker cards game. Means he doesn't know how to gamble, even lottery he buy once in a very long time. He shocked me is when he start to visit casino everyday and make friends with wrong people
 
Now I don't know if he really realized or just texting to beg me go back. Then when I go back things don't change, end up I continue will be his burden and his stress
 
Thank you brainy smurf

Making him write down is something that I'm doing to revenge by insulting him like a kid. For debts I believe he wouldn't take long to pay, because for my understanding. He doesn't like to borrow money in the past. Only helping friends by lending friends money and never return. I'm just afraid that he does any silly things like ending himself
U got my meaning wrong. Pardon my poor command of English.
It's definitely not a revenge.

When emotions are high in place, we tends to make wrong decisions. When things settle down, we tends to forget.

By writing down, he can remind himself what have he done to hurt his wife and the family. Will also serve as a reminder not to do it again. There is no need to display in public. Keep somewhere where he and u can occasionally see it.

I tends to forget little things like buying fruits for my wife or watching a drama together on the coming weekend. By writing down, I forget much lesser.

These notes I made also kept reminding me my responsibilities, and not to take my wife for granted.

I also write down things in which I promised others too. As I am not only a husband, but also a son, big brother to someone else. My family is extremely impt.

On a ligher note, as a father-to-be in November, I will also pen down all the things I promised my kid.

Once again, just sharing.

All ways are OK actually as long as ur husband don't abuse u ever again.
 



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