Maid-less & Learning to Cope

[taitai]

Dear Mummies

I am maidless for 72 hours liao.

Sad to say that no matter how good we treat them, 她们真的养不熟.说走就走.

My Myanmar maid has been very listless for many weeks, but everythime when i show concern and ask for the reeason, she said nothing. Just last Friday, she made a mistake again, and I ask for the reason, and also cited all the mistakes she has made over the pass many weeks. She said that if you are not happy, just send me back to the agent. So I did.

Family is now maidless, we are coping, and hopefully, if possible, go maid-less.

Ladies in the house, who is maidless with kids? Can you show me your encouragement? : )

 

[frog]

Hello, taitai... Does your nick suggest that you are not working? Do you have kids? How old are they? I am a FTWM with 2 kids below 6, and at the moment have a maid since my no. 2 was born... but my dream is to be without one. I think it is truly workable... Again and again, I see not much point in continuing to have a maid... one that doesn't prepare breakfast for me, cannot get the children ready for their full-day childcare, and cooks the same dishes 3 times a week at dinner!!

Jia you!! Jia you!! You can do it!!

 

[taitai]

Princess, I am a FULL TIME working mum. My moniker is to make myself become one in future. hahahahaha ....

Day 4 and I am still surviving. Of course, having a maid is good, cuz there is always a person to standby to "look see look see". But they are only of 30% help most of the time.

My kids attend full-time CC, so the house is empty from 8 to 6 each day. Maid prepare kids to school each morning, prepares dinner before they reach home before 6. The rest of the day is very simple household chore. Sadly, the house is not tip-top clean. How sad.

We will lose freedom like going out at nite when the kids are asleep. Or going out impromptu to run errands, meet friends etc etc ...

But the quality of the maids nowadays really sucks. We cannot afford more pay cuz we have to pay the govt levy, hence, the other countries like Taiwan, HKG and even Malaysia will get the better maids. The maids who come to Singapore, are here to "look see look see" some call them shoppers. After loan period, work for a futher 2 or 3 months to earn pocket money then go home.

With the new law that is to be commenced next 1 Jan, we will see pay shooting up again. Cuz it's compulsory by law to give them one off day each week, unless the maid agreed with an OT pay to give up the off-day, they must be released. F***!

I am waiting to see the social problems that will surface on this.

 

[mikiko99]

Hi TaiTai

Me too FTWM, no maid or parent or ils to help out. Both my kids are less then 6 yrs old. Of cos hb support and help out is impt. We do all the housework ourself + cooking dinner after work. We are surviving well

 

[taitai]

Mikko

You are inspirational.

But cooking dinner after work is tough for us, cause we work till 6pm (earliest) plus travelling time home .... my kids will starve to death.

Another thing is that we lose out on our night outings.

How do you manage to have private time for yourself or with your hubby?

 

[heeheesan]

Mummies
I am also exploring and considering to live without maid as they created tonnes of issues for us though they do contribute too.

But am wondering the level of stress and hardship if we were to take care of 2 below 4 years old monsters without a helper, wouldn't life become a torture and sufferings?


Jia you Taitai!

 

[mrsngpk]

me too FTWM with 2boys, 3 and 4 years old. no helper, living alone with hubby and myself only. They are in full day CC.. goes to school at 8 in the morning, i'll befetch them before 7. after work have to feed them, bath them, play with them, when they sleep it's already 10+ pm, and i have to pack their bags, do housework, wash clothes etc etc. quite tiring leh. My hubby is on shift work , there are 3 days in a week that he won't be home for the night.

i've to settle the kids all by myself. morning feed them milk, shower them, change them. then on TV for them while i prepare myself for work.

it's very tough, but to think back, i'm already used to it. HOuse will be messy, but no choice, try to clean a bit over weekend.

 

[ublur]

so glad to see I am not alone.. really.. I used to have a maid when i have my number 1, send her back after my elder one turn 2 yrs and go to cc full day.
just have 2nd baby, tried hire one during my maternity and turn out to be disaster.. she can complain that she can't sleep well in my hse when i gave her new bedding, mattres etc.. and say that she was forced to come to singapore.. since then i gave up, send her back..

now my bb just turn 6 months odl and i am still maid-less.. tiring and shag cos i am back to work, stress level at work is high.. hb is super busy with his work as well. I try to manage most of the household chores at night on my own.. wkend i have one part time cleaner but there's a limit she can help. cos wk day night time, i will still have to prepare bags, sterilise bottles, wash clothes, make sure clothes are washed and dry in time so that part time cleaner can iron them on sunday. not to mention that I am still breast feeding... everyday i will only reach home close to 9pm after picking my kids up from sch etc..

One word, shag!!

 

[stephz]

Tai tai,
I can empathize with you about being maidless. However I was not working then when I sent back my maid. Surprisingly I found that I am happier without, tho' it's a bit tough to manage alone. I have been surviving without maid for years, taking care of my kids myself.

This yr I had just started work and my kids went to cc. A lot of adjustment to make, but I did not want any maid. So far, we are coping well, with some help from the papa of course. I can't imagine having to worry additional maid's problem.

You may have to adjust your personal time by taking leave on some afternoons. Or you can take turns with yr husband to fetch yr kids if you have appointment with friends.

You will be surprised that you might have lesser stress without a maid and also one less worries. Most important, you have additional cash to spend on your kids and pamper yourself.

Ublur, guess it's a bit tough on you as yours is still a baby. Hang on, life will b better when your child outgrow the baby stage.

 

[peonyjos]

My maid went home leave for two weeks and guess i have been too reliant on maid that these two weeks is so tiring for me.

My daughter also very hyper and attention seeking. I am Ftwm and I have to take leave as no one to look after my gal.

But it is too that u feel more comfortable without a maid, although I treat my maid as part of family, still have to be careful bat valuables lying ard. These two weeks, I just put my watches, rings and wallet lying ard.

 

[babyink]

Josie, yes no matter how much you trust a maid, must be careful with valuables lying around. Think that is on our part as employers to take precaution because maids can get tempted too after a while..
Really admire all the maidless FTWM here. you guys are inspiring.
I tried SAHM, FTWM w/out maid, now FTWM w maid cos I find I get more quality time with kids and hubby....imagine next time when kids start primary school still have to supervise school! Salute to you guys !

 

[taitai]

It will get easier when d kids get older.

I rope in the kids help, trust me your kids will become more independent. It's day 9 without help for me. Still learning to cope.

I read from yestetday papers that 50% of new maids either got sent back or transfered within a year. See how bad the situation is. We pay $600 over including levy for a bunch of crap, d cream of d crop go to taiwan n hkg. Sigh ...

 

[clover13]

Hi Taitai, you have found a company in me too. I just sent my maid back last month when she had attitude problem and quarrel with my mum. But you are much luckier than me, one week after I send her back...I had a fall and fracture my left ankle (I was trying to guide my dad how to fetch my 2 year old gal from pre school when I fell off the bus stop)...now in a cast and on hospitalisation leave till 31st dec..I'm a FTWM... The world crashed on me when my husband started blaming me for my carelessness even though I was in pain for the next few days and there's so much things to do (I have a 10mth old as well)..I managed to find a part time cleaner who comes in once a week and blessed with my loving parents who came to live with me in these tiring period to help out as and when...but so far its still a very sad period for me ...

 

[taitai]

Clover,

Regrettable to see you in such a situation.

I cannot say I am having the time of my life. But learning to cope and manage slowly. We are "lucky" as it is year-end, me and HB are busy clearing leave, so most days we are free we share the responsibility on the household chore.

My HB is a very hands-on dad, he loves our kids very much and will spend time with them. Feed them, make milk for them, shower them, pat pat them to sleep.

But come next year, when both are back to our usual work routine, I am not too sure anymore.

I have my parents to thank too, cause they will prepare dinner for my two boys after they return from fulltime CC.

Maybe your HB does not know how to show his concern to you, instead of being nice and affectionate, he diverted it to anger? Why not you try to be nice and calm to him and tell him that you would prefer to be well and normal in dire times like this. Show him that without maid you will not die, try your best to demonstrate that you are still in control. Easy said than done, but try a little by little.

You know men ... they like to trample on women who lacks confidence, and depress and distress. They feel that they have the power to manipulate you better when you are down and out. But if you maintain your composure, and be calm and rationale. If may work to your benefit.

Try it, lemme know. Cheerio! All the best.