Thank you all the sisters for your concern!
Portia3, don't be angry with your DH. When we found out our infertility issue, I was very devastated and angry too because DH is the one with issue and I'm perfectly normal and healthy. At that moment, I can't deny I did not have anger. I couldn't share with any of our friends. I need to talk to somebody who shares the same situation as us. Even not many ladies here share the same situation as us. But luckily 1 lady emailed me privately and linked me up with another 2 more ladies. I can never conceive naturally because of DH. I have to go through IVF with donor. We can never have our own biological children. If I don't want to go through IVF, our only way to have kids is to go through adoption. If not, stay childless.
I took a week off from work at that time. I kept asking why this thing has to happen to me. Why do I need to go through IVF with all the poking of needles and surgery (ER) when he's the one with the issue? I even had a selfish thought to divorce him and remarry another healthy man so that I don't need to go through IVF. But is that really what I want? I was 32 years old and DH was 34 years old then. From his physical appearance, one can never tell he has such issue. He is so young and why? We went around consulting doctors. We had been to TMC under Dr Paul Tseng (where we found out our case), TTSH (Prof Chia) and NUH (Prof Wong). Lastly we ended up at KKH to do IVF because only Dr Tan is genuinely empathetic and patient with us. Till date, we still do not have an answer why he has such issue.
In fact my anger wasn't really targeting at DH. I felt more sorry and sad for him and I have to very careful with my choice of words because I can't bear to hurt him further. We took some time off in 2012 and 2013 to go travelling together. We went to many countries within those 2 years.
You know sometimes it's so hard to say, "Our child", knowing very clearly the child does not carry any genetic material of his. Now you probably also understand why my parents were not supportive at all for me to go through IVF and why his parents had no pressure for us to have kids.
Friends and relatives keep asking us when we want to have kids. We have to lie with our eyes wide open and that's a torture!
We turn to God for peace, strength and courage for everything that we do. I chose him as my DH. Our union is a blessed sacrament from God. We vow to love each other, take care of each other, be there for each other till death do us apart.
Try to think back your marriage vow and try to work with each other to make things work.
So for sisters out there, I understand that you have health issues such that you can't conceive naturally and have to take up the IVF route. But if your case is in such a way that you can still use your own eggs and sperms, it is already a blessing! For me, though I'm healthy and normal, I don't even have a choice. So 加油 everyone!
You are so nice....
