Inlaw Issues
- Thread starter JJ2015
- Start date
MTB-2015
Active Member
I have married for 17yrs, the PIL issue never solved. I just keep a distance from them, go back visit them with hubby few times per year.
I was trying very hard 17yrs ago to be a good daughter-in-law, but end up I realized that no matter how/what I've done, they won't appreciate. Therefore, we moved out and from that time on wards the relationship between PIL and me just "hello, bye". Simple like that, and I am happier.
I was trying very hard 17yrs ago to be a good daughter-in-law, but end up I realized that no matter how/what I've done, they won't appreciate. Therefore, we moved out and from that time on wards the relationship between PIL and me just "hello, bye". Simple like that, and I am happier.
tifflim
Member
Hi!
I understand that you are facing issues with PIL. In my opinions, seriously I feel its common to have issues with PIL.
Only 2 choices that I will feel that I will say.
1. Still stay and whatever PIL says "Give the attitude as "hey I don't bother" or let the barking dogs bark at the moon" or try to talk things out and impressed them.
or
2. Leave your PIL and go to your own matrimonial flat.
These are the best solutions as the more you care or bother, the more issues there are, when there are more issues there will be more misunderstanding between you and your life partner. This will cause your relationship to drift apart because no matter what you still have to respect your partner's parents although they can be just so "..."
In my opinions, I will take it as they are my own parents, so whether they hurt or scold me or whatever they does, I will just let it out and forgive them or forget about it as I am taking them as my parents too. So if you really cant compromise with your PIL. I will say its best that you opt for option 2.
I understand that you are facing issues with PIL. In my opinions, seriously I feel its common to have issues with PIL.
Only 2 choices that I will feel that I will say.
1. Still stay and whatever PIL says "Give the attitude as "hey I don't bother" or let the barking dogs bark at the moon" or try to talk things out and impressed them.
or
2. Leave your PIL and go to your own matrimonial flat.
These are the best solutions as the more you care or bother, the more issues there are, when there are more issues there will be more misunderstanding between you and your life partner. This will cause your relationship to drift apart because no matter what you still have to respect your partner's parents although they can be just so "..."
In my opinions, I will take it as they are my own parents, so whether they hurt or scold me or whatever they does, I will just let it out and forgive them or forget about it as I am taking them as my parents too. So if you really cant compromise with your PIL. I will say its best that you opt for option 2.
MTB-2015: I feel the same way as you. But I dnt know why it is so diffcult to be happy. Nothing seems to make me happy. I feel that my husband care for himself and his family more than me. We always have arguement and even after work, we will busy with kids or he will do his own stuff. Weekend, I will be busy doing groceries and with kids. I dnt feel a sense a security in this marriage. He asked me why Im always look moody and I told him if there is anything to worth beng happy about. Am i in depression?
Last few month, we had a very bad arguement because of new house and inlaw and we nearly divorce.
And I have make clear to my husband that I will never stay with inlaw even allow them to stay at my new plc.
Just too many issues. Im always stress with my work, kids, maid, family, Inlaw issues and now my health is also breaking down.
I just cnt get along with them even if it is just sitting dwn having a dinner, will make me feel agitated for days.
Now my helper handle my kids at my own house with the help of my own mum which I feel it easiler to pass instruction and communicate.
BB will be in half day child care center and elder boy will go to school during the day. My inlaw will dropby as and when they are free.
Tifflim - I dnt think I can be like you. My tolerance limits has really max out. Forgive and forget! Is really easy to say then do (*FOR ME*) cos the "Xin bin" is already accumulated for years. I have been working and supporting the family so for many years without a complaint. Taking care of the kids and chores myself and working at the same time without helper for past few years. Is not that I am spending his money to buy stuff for myself or kids.
And I have make clear to my husband that I will never stay with inlaw even allow them to stay at my new plc.
Just too many issues. Im always stress with my work, kids, maid, family, Inlaw issues and now my health is also breaking down.
I just cnt get along with them even if it is just sitting dwn having a dinner, will make me feel agitated for days.
Now my helper handle my kids at my own house with the help of my own mum which I feel it easiler to pass instruction and communicate.
BB will be in half day child care center and elder boy will go to school during the day. My inlaw will dropby as and when they are free.
Tifflim - I dnt think I can be like you. My tolerance limits has really max out. Forgive and forget! Is really easy to say then do (*FOR ME*) cos the "Xin bin" is already accumulated for years. I have been working and supporting the family so for many years without a complaint. Taking care of the kids and chores myself and working at the same time without helper for past few years. Is not that I am spending his money to buy stuff for myself or kids.
tifflim
Member
Hi! I understand that your tolerance level has max out and you really had a hard time handling and communicating with them. I think the best is that you get your husband to understand whats the issue going between you and his parents. Help him understand by asking him to analyse the same situation if he would be going through in your parents place. How would he feel? You have to make him understand. So that he can make arrangements for his parents to stay elsewhere and not move in with you in your new flat. For your both kids, having a trustworthy helper is important so that you can rely on the maid to take care of the needs and attention your kids require as I feel your elder son is already going to school. Maybe you can get him to enroll in more courses so that when he is back its time that you will also be on your way back home. For your little one, maybe your parents place will be good for temporary, If you think of cut cost. Always be calm and take things lightly, settle each at a time. Dont rush as its saddening if because of all these issues, your health is breaking down. You need to be healthy mummy in order to provide the best for your kids. For sometime, I think its best that you could avoid your PIL so that you wont be hurt or get agitated.
Hi JK 2015, I think I totally understand how u feel! Yes..even to sit down n have a meal makes me feel uncomfortable too...
Just feel like giving u a hug...don't give up!
tifflim
Member
Welcome JJ2015
tifflim
Member
Hi! I understand your situation. You are really super woman. You are still coping and doing well. Moreover, yes nowadays helpers are getting out of hands, showing tantrums or even at little children. Its really a good idea that you have fixed a SUV camera at home to monitor your helper. Yes enrolling into more classes may just increases your expenses level. Its good that your kid as remedial classes. Your little one will get used to it as time comes by as your little will be comfortable with it as he goes there daily. I understand that your 2 hours are really precious because thats when you get to spend time with your kids. Seriously, I am proud of you for juggling so many at one goal. You make a good wife and mother. I understand that your husband is siding his family members. But I think he is a place where he doesnt want to give in to his family members. But not to worry as time goes by, everything will be fine. All the best!
Ya JJ 2015, u must hang on for th3 sake of your kids n family.
