!******!! Inferiority
- Thread starter mycutey
- Start date
Yup! You will have less invites for party cos the rich will mingle with the rich in expensive classes but usually the less well off won't have parties n your kids might not get to go parties. I feel that way cos husband has well off friends but after awhile dun associate with us cos they talked about stock n shares during gathering n what car they drive cut we dun drive our kids dun go to their kids classes n dun wear branded clothes ! It a sad reality in life! We feel sad cos how come we can't give our kids the best education n stuff but I viol hot to learn to be contented I m still learning!
shanghaibb
Active Member
Don't feel inferior! Kids don't need such material things, only adults do! Btw, the most successful people don't grow up with these things too...
Actually I prefer that my kid dont socialize with "elite minded" people as I don't want him to grow up like them. Hopefully my kid will grow up to be a person who appreciate what he has in live and not take it for granted.
Actually I prefer that my kid dont socialize with "elite minded" people as I don't want him to grow up like them. Hopefully my kid will grow up to be a person who appreciate what he has in live and not take it for granted.
Don't compare yourself with other families because that will make you feel discontented. There will be people who are lucky to be born into 'better' families and therefore endowed with more luxuries but that's their life. Everyone will have their down-days and family problems though - you only see the superficial side of the rich.
Better to focus on your own family and do your best to imbue positive values and principles in the children. Affording "better" things for children is very subjective - many simple things in life don't cost much but are effective for teaching. There's no end to trying to keep up with the Joneses.
I don't think I'm depriving my child of anything by keeping within Singapore at the moment and not sending him for all sorts of classes. You've got to decide what's most important to you and cut out the envying and feeling-bad.
Better to focus on your own family and do your best to imbue positive values and principles in the children. Affording "better" things for children is very subjective - many simple things in life don't cost much but are effective for teaching. There's no end to trying to keep up with the Joneses.
I don't think I'm depriving my child of anything by keeping within Singapore at the moment and not sending him for all sorts of classes. You've got to decide what's most important to you and cut out the envying and feeling-bad.
Hi cherrie,
I am one of those who stays at District 10,landed property,own cars and my kid is studying in top primary school.Do I feel happy?Not reali....
First,i don't enjoy mixing wf that kinda so called "hao lian" ppl.I choose to do my mktg at HDB neighbourhood,than in District 10 wet market areas.Unless i've no choice,if not,i won't do mktg at Cold storage,can't stand those Ang Moh or D10 "Tai Tai".
Second,i marry to well to do husband.His family is very "political".I sick of dealing wf his family.I've had 4 miscarriages n some other health prob dealing wf his family.
Third,i never enjoy staying at landed property.Too many things to maintain(garden,pest control).We oso face problems fr. neighbours' maids,for e.g.they let their dogs shit in front of my gate;we've to clear the dog shit b4 reversing the car out.
Guess what i did after suffering so many years?I downgraded to smaller house;took over my kid & take care him all myself coz i do not wanna him to be pampered by my PIL.
Yes,my kid will not enjoy more luxury life as he was when he was wf my PIL.But see...after a yr of training,he is more independent,he helps me to pack his toys,do hsework.
I am one of those who stays at District 10,landed property,own cars and my kid is studying in top primary school.Do I feel happy?Not reali....
First,i don't enjoy mixing wf that kinda so called "hao lian" ppl.I choose to do my mktg at HDB neighbourhood,than in District 10 wet market areas.Unless i've no choice,if not,i won't do mktg at Cold storage,can't stand those Ang Moh or D10 "Tai Tai".
Second,i marry to well to do husband.His family is very "political".I sick of dealing wf his family.I've had 4 miscarriages n some other health prob dealing wf his family.
Third,i never enjoy staying at landed property.Too many things to maintain(garden,pest control).We oso face problems fr. neighbours' maids,for e.g.they let their dogs shit in front of my gate;we've to clear the dog shit b4 reversing the car out.
Guess what i did after suffering so many years?I downgraded to smaller house;took over my kid & take care him all myself coz i do not wanna him to be pampered by my PIL.
Yes,my kid will not enjoy more luxury life as he was when he was wf my PIL.But see...after a yr of training,he is more independent,he helps me to pack his toys,do hsework.
Thanks avocado for sharing. What I realise is that yes poor can have joy if they are in good health cos I work with the sick and poor. They can afford the support like the rich to have maid n nurse to take care of them. I dun wish my kids to be poor but I pray they have character n to have wealth and health if possible. It is not true that if you study hard you will be rich. My bro studied very hard n is a Dr but owes the bank a lot of money upon graduation. While else I have friends who are only a level who earns more as businessman cos they come from rich families. But to be frank how many poor families kids will become president scholars or doctors nowaday? The primary sch syllabus is so hard only those that are rich can go for tuition not any tuition but gifted class etc right from birth!on top of that our kids need to compete miti foreign students who are very hardworking n brilliant... How many of our kids will make it to local uni? Pm in his national day rally said 2000 with excellent pptjt wanted to go nus medical school which only has 300 places so those who failed either can keep applying or go overseas. So in the end only the rich can pursue their dream as for the poor they must work hard n gel scholarship or work then study. Some poor student like my bro has to teach tuition while studying to earn their pocket money while their classmate studies n no worries about food. Poor student takes bus rich students driven or drive Mercedes. V rare u get a poor student who tops the class!
Hi
I think it is better to live within your means and teach your children to do so too.
Frankly speaking, it is good to have a car to ferry your children around if they are v. young otherwise I think most children enjoy bus and MRT rides.
As for the rest, it is not important. As long as you teach your children good values.
I think it is better to live within your means and teach your children to do so too.
Frankly speaking, it is good to have a car to ferry your children around if they are v. young otherwise I think most children enjoy bus and MRT rides.
As for the rest, it is not important. As long as you teach your children good values.
Hi goodtry,
Seems like u can really understand my feelings. My wish for my son is to be healthy, happy and wealthy..
Is really hard not to be inferior when all my friends drove their kids thru and fro, and yes, we have less friends, I suppose because of this. U see, when there's playdates, all mummies/daddies drove cars to the play area, while we took public transport thru and fro. Certain places could be quite out of reach by public transport or have to incur expensive taxi fares. And I do not expect and accept rides from them,as we don't live in the same neighborhood. Sometimes I feel they rather don't ask me along as too troublesome for me, is that kind of same class mix with same class thing. Goodtry, I am sorry to say that I feel quite consoled to know that u or at least someone is in the same shoes as me, hope u are not offended, and hope our Lives get better! My son loves cars, and I can feel that he wished to sit in the car seat , sometimes we took cab, he could barely see outside but he feels uncomfortable sitting on my lap. So sad right....
Dear mummies,
Thanks for your kind words. I also teach my child not to be materialistic,but really sometimes not easy to avoid the hurt. He was taught to write car in Chinese, and it seems at least to him all his classmates got cars, though some I saw are opc, lorry...Now ,having a car is 'expected', not having a car is like 'oh, I see'... Last time was easier, having a car was not really expected... Not long ago, a boy that we happen to know in the playground was talking to my son about his daddy's car and how many seaters etc..,my son of course didn't understand abit...
Avocado,
I really like to be in ur shoes!!! Hahahaha!
Seems like u can really understand my feelings. My wish for my son is to be healthy, happy and wealthy..
Is really hard not to be inferior when all my friends drove their kids thru and fro, and yes, we have less friends, I suppose because of this. U see, when there's playdates, all mummies/daddies drove cars to the play area, while we took public transport thru and fro. Certain places could be quite out of reach by public transport or have to incur expensive taxi fares. And I do not expect and accept rides from them,as we don't live in the same neighborhood. Sometimes I feel they rather don't ask me along as too troublesome for me, is that kind of same class mix with same class thing. Goodtry, I am sorry to say that I feel quite consoled to know that u or at least someone is in the same shoes as me, hope u are not offended, and hope our Lives get better! My son loves cars, and I can feel that he wished to sit in the car seat , sometimes we took cab, he could barely see outside but he feels uncomfortable sitting on my lap. So sad right....
Dear mummies,
Thanks for your kind words. I also teach my child not to be materialistic,but really sometimes not easy to avoid the hurt. He was taught to write car in Chinese, and it seems at least to him all his classmates got cars, though some I saw are opc, lorry...Now ,having a car is 'expected', not having a car is like 'oh, I see'... Last time was easier, having a car was not really expected... Not long ago, a boy that we happen to know in the playground was talking to my son about his daddy's car and how many seaters etc..,my son of course didn't understand abit...
Avocado,
I really like to be in ur shoes!!! Hahahaha!
Once i was invited to a party at larbordor park.... n i was told it is impossible to go unless u drive or take taxi..i stay in toa payoh area..i can imagine the taxi to go for the party in the end i did not turn up..
yes Cherrie u fully understand... i used to have a rich friend who will invite us to party but i felt left out cos when they talking they are talking about the private swimming lessons not in any public or club pool but their own house pool... but the worst feeling is we as parents dont go to this parties to have fun but cos we feel our kids are so lonely at home..n those parties have magic show n balloon scuplture etc... it is rare for them/
to be honest we are not poor but we are neither here nor there... not poor to get public assistance but not that rich to send our kids to classes ....but why we worry cos i see my kid not doing so well in his studies compared to those with tuition.. n yes rich people can outsource to tuition classes n live longer..teaching my son makes me vomit a lot of blood... i love to be contented..but not when my mum will tell me how come i cant give so much..why brother is a dr but earn so little ... n my mum asks us for more $$ for cancer medication.... we just wish we are rich to pay to give her more.
so my advice is unless your kids have the calling to be a dr tell them to be banker business man cos unless ua re very rich.. studying medicine will blow a hole in your pocket... most dorctors are rich cos they come from privileged background...
i know no one can make us feel inferior but who wants to feel inferior but when u meet up with old classmates n they asked you about classes n hols... or maybe just a bout car.. well we do have a big merc/ volvo that comes frequently..
well no complaining cos i still have legs to walk to bus stop but it is the rainy days that i am down cos the kids cant go out unless take cab..
not many places are accessible by bus..
well cherrie times have changed ,...my son in p2 told me classmate has handphone... i told him tan ku ku... i only pager in university!
the only way to protect your child maybe is homeschool... then they dunno what is angry bird, iphone etc..
yes Cherrie u fully understand... i used to have a rich friend who will invite us to party but i felt left out cos when they talking they are talking about the private swimming lessons not in any public or club pool but their own house pool... but the worst feeling is we as parents dont go to this parties to have fun but cos we feel our kids are so lonely at home..n those parties have magic show n balloon scuplture etc... it is rare for them/
to be honest we are not poor but we are neither here nor there... not poor to get public assistance but not that rich to send our kids to classes ....but why we worry cos i see my kid not doing so well in his studies compared to those with tuition.. n yes rich people can outsource to tuition classes n live longer..teaching my son makes me vomit a lot of blood... i love to be contented..but not when my mum will tell me how come i cant give so much..why brother is a dr but earn so little ... n my mum asks us for more $$ for cancer medication.... we just wish we are rich to pay to give her more.
so my advice is unless your kids have the calling to be a dr tell them to be banker business man cos unless ua re very rich.. studying medicine will blow a hole in your pocket... most dorctors are rich cos they come from privileged background...
i know no one can make us feel inferior but who wants to feel inferior but when u meet up with old classmates n they asked you about classes n hols... or maybe just a bout car.. well we do have a big merc/ volvo that comes frequently..
well no complaining cos i still have legs to walk to bus stop but it is the rainy days that i am down cos the kids cant go out unless take cab..
not many places are accessible by bus..
well cherrie times have changed ,...my son in p2 told me classmate has handphone... i told him tan ku ku... i only pager in university!
the only way to protect your child maybe is homeschool... then they dunno what is angry bird, iphone etc..
cheerrie not offended.... not offended.. let pray our kids will zhen qi and do well and cho ren tuo di!! look at all the ministers how many can relate to the poor? even pm comes from a good background.. not even for those from humble background to make it big...
welth is not equal to happiness but when there is a crisis like need for dialysis, cancer etc, they are better to handle them cos we need money to buy resources...
welth is not equal to happiness but when there is a crisis like need for dialysis, cancer etc, they are better to handle them cos we need money to buy resources...
but no offence to the rich... the fact u are reading this thread means u are quite humble too n not like rich n elitist...i once see my sec sch classmate when walking to church she zoomed by in a sports merc while i walked from the bus stop... then out pops a maid...not any type of maid but one wearing uniform with the baby... i was like WOW.. you know sweat was rolling down me n my dress is so wet ( hot afternoon) but i did try to live within my means that why i never buy a car... cos i dun want to buy something that will lose it value...
but really without a car it is hard to bring young kids out even to the railway station etc.. even to the zoo
but really without a car it is hard to bring young kids out even to the railway station etc.. even to the zoo
Dear goodtry,
Totally agree with u!! We are not poor enough to get subsidy, not rich enough to enjoy. Most of the times, the richer will only get richer, the gap is getting wider between the rich and poor. My son always ask me why don't get a car and i told him we got good legs, we should walk and exercise...the fact is car too costly and depreciates quickly, not forgetting misc costs. On one hand, I want a car for my son to travel comfortably, on the other hand, should I be so wasteful..
Then now sch education not doing much real teaching, most of the time needs tuition to make up. I honestly feel my kid knows quite alot comPared to his classmates but they seem to have an edge over him due to the tuition classes they attend for years. Sometimes he came home feelin g stressed like how come his friends can do the sch work but he can't... Then those so called branded tuition centers are also not very accessible by trains/buses. To go there, we have to take about 45min trAin ride and walk walk walk, wAlk till sweAt. If rain, even worst, he's the only wet one in class....
Maybe he doesn't feel anything yet, but I do feelthe pain. I am not materialistic, never wanted big house or even a car, but when it comes to my kid, I feel I really can't provide for him the 'general' things that most kids have.
Of course we have to live within our means. But most major things still need money to settle, like sickness, enrichment classes etc...got money, will have less worry over which doctor to choose, charges,increase in prices, now public transport also quite expensive.
Then sometimes because of the money status, less friends means less playmates for our kid....not rich kids also got less exposure too, from the beginning, already lose out!
Yeah, let's jia you! Hope our kids turn out better than ourselves!!!!!
Totally agree with u!! We are not poor enough to get subsidy, not rich enough to enjoy. Most of the times, the richer will only get richer, the gap is getting wider between the rich and poor. My son always ask me why don't get a car and i told him we got good legs, we should walk and exercise...the fact is car too costly and depreciates quickly, not forgetting misc costs. On one hand, I want a car for my son to travel comfortably, on the other hand, should I be so wasteful..
Then now sch education not doing much real teaching, most of the time needs tuition to make up. I honestly feel my kid knows quite alot comPared to his classmates but they seem to have an edge over him due to the tuition classes they attend for years. Sometimes he came home feelin g stressed like how come his friends can do the sch work but he can't... Then those so called branded tuition centers are also not very accessible by trains/buses. To go there, we have to take about 45min trAin ride and walk walk walk, wAlk till sweAt. If rain, even worst, he's the only wet one in class....
Maybe he doesn't feel anything yet, but I do feelthe pain. I am not materialistic, never wanted big house or even a car, but when it comes to my kid, I feel I really can't provide for him the 'general' things that most kids have.
Of course we have to live within our means. But most major things still need money to settle, like sickness, enrichment classes etc...got money, will have less worry over which doctor to choose, charges,increase in prices, now public transport also quite expensive.
Then sometimes because of the money status, less friends means less playmates for our kid....not rich kids also got less exposure too, from the beginning, already lose out!
Yeah, let's jia you! Hope our kids turn out better than ourselves!!!!!
Hi cherrie and mums,
Please don't feel that way. It is only natural that parents want to provide the best for their kids and also natural that kids would want things they do not have.
Understand that this is just a phase that u go thru when your kid is young and when he's older he'll know better too. Didn't we all grow up the same way?
Stop worrying about such stuff, your genunine care and love for your child within your means is the only thing that matters and he'll know that and become a better person next time when he grows up. Make your child be proud of u as his mum and not proud of what his mum has.
Please don't feel that way. It is only natural that parents want to provide the best for their kids and also natural that kids would want things they do not have.
Understand that this is just a phase that u go thru when your kid is young and when he's older he'll know better too. Didn't we all grow up the same way?
Stop worrying about such stuff, your genunine care and love for your child within your means is the only thing that matters and he'll know that and become a better person next time when he grows up. Make your child be proud of u as his mum and not proud of what his mum has.
Thanks! I think we really wish we can let them be driven to sch esp on a wet day n their shoe so wet! We also find very hard for kids Jo write composition if they don't in out! Thanks Matthew we really want the best for our kids!We really wish we can give them the best education! I think rich people not so stressed cos if kids not doing well can go overseas or work for their family!I really pray my kids will have character one day! But I m really stretched with work chores n family I wish I can afford more help so that I can spend more. Time with each child
hi goodtry & cheerie,
what matthew said is correct,didn't we all grow up the same way? In the past,we took buses or walked to school.
my bro n me come fr. poor family.We've to take few buses to school.We seldom hv new clothes to wear,mostly hand me down clothes fr. relatives.But my bro n me grow up to be very strong ppl.My bro is a successful doctor.
Whereas my hb borned in silver spoon n he couldn't take hardship.He went thru top school,JC n universities; but so what?He is very relying to his parents,emotionally n financially.Sometx, I despite him.
I know most parents wanna give the best to their children,however,i feel,even we can't give the best to them,they shld able to learn to get the best from what they've.
I've nvr hv a proper study environment.I did my studies on the mahjong table n stool provided by the owner.But I managed to graduate n landed in good jobs.
I used to envy my classmates who did their homework/project comfortably at home coz they've computers at home,while i couldn't afford one.Thus,I've to rush my hmework n projects in school.I oso did my exam studies in school coz my owner frequently played mahjong.
I am glad i went thru these coz i learn to appreciate what i've now. I always tell my son be appreciative what he has...I told him how lucky he is,to hv nice home n do his homework on his $$ thousand plus ergonomics desk.
what matthew said is correct,didn't we all grow up the same way? In the past,we took buses or walked to school.
my bro n me come fr. poor family.We've to take few buses to school.We seldom hv new clothes to wear,mostly hand me down clothes fr. relatives.But my bro n me grow up to be very strong ppl.My bro is a successful doctor.
Whereas my hb borned in silver spoon n he couldn't take hardship.He went thru top school,JC n universities; but so what?He is very relying to his parents,emotionally n financially.Sometx, I despite him.
I know most parents wanna give the best to their children,however,i feel,even we can't give the best to them,they shld able to learn to get the best from what they've.
I've nvr hv a proper study environment.I did my studies on the mahjong table n stool provided by the owner.But I managed to graduate n landed in good jobs.
I used to envy my classmates who did their homework/project comfortably at home coz they've computers at home,while i couldn't afford one.Thus,I've to rush my hmework n projects in school.I oso did my exam studies in school coz my owner frequently played mahjong.
I am glad i went thru these coz i learn to appreciate what i've now. I always tell my son be appreciative what he has...I told him how lucky he is,to hv nice home n do his homework on his $$ thousand plus ergonomics desk.
hi cherrie,
being rich doesn't mean hv more frds.I nvr mix wf rich tai tai.I cant stand talking abt car,condo,share price n comparing this or that wf them. So pls dont think this way.
Though i've car to chauffeur my son ard,we walk to school sometx.Coz no parking.I find it irritating to when those rich n inconsiderate parents do nt give way or anyhow park their cars at the waiting area.
what if u own a car?Many things to maintain,my dear.For e.g. Pay roadtax,insurance,send car for servicing,top up cashcard,pump petrol,wash car.With increase population & rich ppl in sg,finding a parking space is not easy.Sg drivers oso getting more n more inconsiderate n reckless,driving can be very frustrating esp,when u meet those "hao lian" rich ppl,Ah beng or "chao Ang Moh".
We oso get wet when sent him to school.Coz during rainy days n peak hr,i can't stand the long quene n i've to park further n walked to school.So he oso got wet.I normally let him wear slippers n changed him to school shoes when reach school.
being rich doesn't mean hv more frds.I nvr mix wf rich tai tai.I cant stand talking abt car,condo,share price n comparing this or that wf them. So pls dont think this way.
Though i've car to chauffeur my son ard,we walk to school sometx.Coz no parking.I find it irritating to when those rich n inconsiderate parents do nt give way or anyhow park their cars at the waiting area.
what if u own a car?Many things to maintain,my dear.For e.g. Pay roadtax,insurance,send car for servicing,top up cashcard,pump petrol,wash car.With increase population & rich ppl in sg,finding a parking space is not easy.Sg drivers oso getting more n more inconsiderate n reckless,driving can be very frustrating esp,when u meet those "hao lian" rich ppl,Ah beng or "chao Ang Moh".
We oso get wet when sent him to school.Coz during rainy days n peak hr,i can't stand the long quene n i've to park further n walked to school.So he oso got wet.I normally let him wear slippers n changed him to school shoes when reach school.
Hi everyone!!!
Hi Matthew, I feel v enlightened by your words: make your child be proud of u as his mum, not what his mum has!
But then how to do it? As everyone usually look at the surface...my another friend like me just told me she felt slighted by the teacher......
Hi avocado,
U and ur brother's hard work really paid off handsomely!! I hope my child would also be able to have such good luck if he works hard!
After reading all these comments, I do feel abit better but sometimes can't help the feeling creeping back especially when having a gathering etc....,
Hi Matthew, I feel v enlightened by your words: make your child be proud of u as his mum, not what his mum has!
But then how to do it? As everyone usually look at the surface...my another friend like me just told me she felt slighted by the teacher......
Hi avocado,
U and ur brother's hard work really paid off handsomely!! I hope my child would also be able to have such good luck if he works hard!
After reading all these comments, I do feel abit better but sometimes can't help the feeling creeping back especially when having a gathering etc....,
Dear Cherrie,
Like Avocado, I didn't grow up in a well to do family. Today I'm doing resonably well and I attribute it to my parents. I didn't have a car to fetch me to sch or expensive tuitions to aid me when i was growing up but I have values which I carry with me till today.
Now that I'm grown up myself and driving I can appreciate the hassle & efforts my mum bothered to go thru to bring 2 small kids (my bro and I) on outings taking bus (rain or shine) so that we can still experience childhood.
Probably like yourself, she didn't feel comfortable mixing with my richer classmates' parents at parties (she can't speak english at all) but she brought me along all the same because she knows that as kids I would want to mingle with my friends.
I am very proud of my mum. She may not be able to provide me with the luxury of a car or such but I know she gives me 100% within her means.
There is no end to comparison. Even if u have a car now, very soon you'll start thinking about how others are driving continental cars and yet u can only afford a jap car. U can buy conveniences and better living standards with money but all these are only temporary. It is more important to let your child incalculate the values in life and these will aid him in his life when he grows up.
Never ever let the way u feel now influence your child's thinking. He must grow up confident and not feeling inferior and this is only possible starting with you.
Like Avocado, I didn't grow up in a well to do family. Today I'm doing resonably well and I attribute it to my parents. I didn't have a car to fetch me to sch or expensive tuitions to aid me when i was growing up but I have values which I carry with me till today.
Now that I'm grown up myself and driving I can appreciate the hassle & efforts my mum bothered to go thru to bring 2 small kids (my bro and I) on outings taking bus (rain or shine) so that we can still experience childhood.
Probably like yourself, she didn't feel comfortable mixing with my richer classmates' parents at parties (she can't speak english at all) but she brought me along all the same because she knows that as kids I would want to mingle with my friends.
I am very proud of my mum. She may not be able to provide me with the luxury of a car or such but I know she gives me 100% within her means.
There is no end to comparison. Even if u have a car now, very soon you'll start thinking about how others are driving continental cars and yet u can only afford a jap car. U can buy conveniences and better living standards with money but all these are only temporary. It is more important to let your child incalculate the values in life and these will aid him in his life when he grows up.
Never ever let the way u feel now influence your child's thinking. He must grow up confident and not feeling inferior and this is only possible starting with you.
mumusings
Active Member
There's no end to comparison. Own things only if you can afford to upkeep them. What matters is job/financial security and a happy/healthy family! No point being burdened by so many loans and social obligations (especially if people are fake and condescending). I know people who make a show out of their wealth and 'happy' life but in actual fact, they're miserable, insecure and lonely.
As parents, we ought to encourage our children to be independent and not expect free things to fall from the sky. Also to teach them the difference between wants and needs. My son is three and sometimes rattles off a list of what he wants to 'buy' excitedly after going to ToyRUs. My hb will ask him: "Do you really need all of them? They're there at the store everyday and we can visit them once in a while." The kid indicated finally that he only wants "kan4" (see only) because what he really wants is not available in Singapore. Proud that he's learnt not to buy for the sake of buying - tested him a few times at Daiso by offering to pay for something I thought he might like. He placed it back on the shelf and said he didn't really need the toy... So now we've all reached an understanding that going out = having fun, not necessarily buying things = when he's good, he'll get a treat in other forms.
As parents, we ought to encourage our children to be independent and not expect free things to fall from the sky. Also to teach them the difference between wants and needs. My son is three and sometimes rattles off a list of what he wants to 'buy' excitedly after going to ToyRUs. My hb will ask him: "Do you really need all of them? They're there at the store everyday and we can visit them once in a while." The kid indicated finally that he only wants "kan4" (see only) because what he really wants is not available in Singapore. Proud that he's learnt not to buy for the sake of buying - tested him a few times at Daiso by offering to pay for something I thought he might like. He placed it back on the shelf and said he didn't really need the toy... So now we've all reached an understanding that going out = having fun, not necessarily buying things = when he's good, he'll get a treat in other forms.
I came from a girl sch in orchard last time n whenever my dad drove me in his run down can scrapped van I will ask far far awayfrom the sch! I feel so inferior my friends are driven by drivers talked about expensive hols but I can only smile cos never travel! Now I dun own a car n fun mind if we get a ride even if it is a van but I rather take bus than to be seen in a run down van!
The thing is I feel inferior since young so I work hard al but still can't make it rich cos standard of living is so high now! But I wish I can be avocado rich n yet can be thrifty!
I wish I have the money n wel have a choice to stay hdb take mrt n wear Casio n not have only no choice but to do the above! But I am contented that I m healthy n family are healthy! But it will be great to let my kid pursue their dreams learn more things! I watched a documentary on Sun few months ago on Singapore n China kids! All the same the rich ones sent their kids to many classes so that they can eventually know what they are good at! The middle income or poor will never be able to pursue sports like golf tennis n music like piano! So I really wish I can. Afford all these for kids dun work n spent quality time with them! Pm mum can even eat lunch with her kids cos she own her own law firm! Do u think my boss allow me to do so?never ot already I should be happy!
I wish I have the money n wel have a choice to stay hdb take mrt n wear Casio n not have only no choice but to do the above! But I am contented that I m healthy n family are healthy! But it will be great to let my kid pursue their dreams learn more things! I watched a documentary on Sun few months ago on Singapore n China kids! All the same the rich ones sent their kids to many classes so that they can eventually know what they are good at! The middle income or poor will never be able to pursue sports like golf tennis n music like piano! So I really wish I can. Afford all these for kids dun work n spent quality time with them! Pm mum can even eat lunch with her kids cos she own her own law firm! Do u think my boss allow me to do so?never ot already I should be happy!
Every time has a price yes I would love no child to appreciate what he has but I dun want them to go thru what I been thru! I want the best for them! Last time many kids so parents dun really carenmuch but now kids are precious n we love them a lot! I can't rem when I buy myself new clothes since my kids arrive! I save I try to give them nutritious food n
hi cheerie,
don't nid to envy ppl who stay in big hses or condo.I can tell the more "cons" than pros of staying in landed hse or condo.
While ppl stay in HDB might face the pro wf foreigners(for e.g. CHina PRC);ppl who stay in private properties face the same prob wf maids,"chao Ang Moh".My ex-neighbours,one the "Chao Ang Moh" two teenagers' smoked n party whole night until we couldn't sleep.The other neighbour's(indonesian chinese)old maid always on the malay music so loud n she oso talked so loud wf the other neighbour's maid.
All my 3 idiot ex-neighbours' super ya ya papaya.Complained to police oso no use,coz police encouraged us to make peace.U think these stuck up who busy wf their whole lives making $$ bother to make peace wf u? forget it.We chose to shift out after 7yrs of agony.
ok,what if u stay in condo?U've another set of prob dealing wf MCST's rules.U might enjoy the serenity & facilities of staying condo,but hv to another another type of ppl.U thought ppl whol stay condo r more "high class" or civilized...sorry...no...There was dog shits on the walking path n lift;ppl smoke in basement carpark.U oso nid to pay maintenance fees which the amt equivalent or might even more than enuff to pay for europe tour.
And u find ur cars end up wf more scratches coz the rich Ah beng or uncle or ang moh who own lexus or MPV need to bigger space to open their car doors.
To add on,doing marketing isn't easy coz u stay at private properties.U nid to drive out all the times.It is unlike staying in HDB,u can simply go downstair to buy groceries.
after hearing these,i can tell u...let's be grateful of staying in hdb.
don't nid to envy ppl who stay in big hses or condo.I can tell the more "cons" than pros of staying in landed hse or condo.
While ppl stay in HDB might face the pro wf foreigners(for e.g. CHina PRC);ppl who stay in private properties face the same prob wf maids,"chao Ang Moh".My ex-neighbours,one the "Chao Ang Moh" two teenagers' smoked n party whole night until we couldn't sleep.The other neighbour's(indonesian chinese)old maid always on the malay music so loud n she oso talked so loud wf the other neighbour's maid.
All my 3 idiot ex-neighbours' super ya ya papaya.Complained to police oso no use,coz police encouraged us to make peace.U think these stuck up who busy wf their whole lives making $$ bother to make peace wf u? forget it.We chose to shift out after 7yrs of agony.
ok,what if u stay in condo?U've another set of prob dealing wf MCST's rules.U might enjoy the serenity & facilities of staying condo,but hv to another another type of ppl.U thought ppl whol stay condo r more "high class" or civilized...sorry...no...There was dog shits on the walking path n lift;ppl smoke in basement carpark.U oso nid to pay maintenance fees which the amt equivalent or might even more than enuff to pay for europe tour.
And u find ur cars end up wf more scratches coz the rich Ah beng or uncle or ang moh who own lexus or MPV need to bigger space to open their car doors.
To add on,doing marketing isn't easy coz u stay at private properties.U nid to drive out all the times.It is unlike staying in HDB,u can simply go downstair to buy groceries.
after hearing these,i can tell u...let's be grateful of staying in hdb.
quinbus9
Member
Hi Avocado,
Fully understand what you're saying... I had neighbours who stuffed legal letters under each other's door (both lawyers!) over water leaks through ceiling. A friend's neighbour sued her family 'cos fencing encroached 1cm into their garden and demanded for entire structure to be demolished. There were also folks who were changing cars as fast as they change girlfriends. Or changing girlfriends (from those who drove to those who owned Merc SLK). Very messed up. Have seen a lady being dumped by the side road one night howling and begging the guy to take her back - he simply threw her out of the Mercedes and drove off, leaving her to stagger home barefooted as her expensive heels broke.
Hi Good Try,
You have to face the fact that many people can never rise to the same ranks as the elite. Best to focus on your own family and enjoy simple living. There's no end to comparison. So what if other people go on expensive holidays? Or, so what if you have enough to give your kids the 'best'? Will that make them better people? Like you, I was surrounded by people middle-class and above. I had friends in JC who strangely envied me just because of my sec school uniform and that I lived in a private apartment. I was ironically envying them for being more resilient, hardworking, intelligent and motivated! These are the people who earned their distinctions and scholarships.
Fully understand what you're saying... I had neighbours who stuffed legal letters under each other's door (both lawyers!) over water leaks through ceiling. A friend's neighbour sued her family 'cos fencing encroached 1cm into their garden and demanded for entire structure to be demolished. There were also folks who were changing cars as fast as they change girlfriends. Or changing girlfriends (from those who drove to those who owned Merc SLK). Very messed up. Have seen a lady being dumped by the side road one night howling and begging the guy to take her back - he simply threw her out of the Mercedes and drove off, leaving her to stagger home barefooted as her expensive heels broke.
Hi Good Try,
You have to face the fact that many people can never rise to the same ranks as the elite. Best to focus on your own family and enjoy simple living. There's no end to comparison. So what if other people go on expensive holidays? Or, so what if you have enough to give your kids the 'best'? Will that make them better people? Like you, I was surrounded by people middle-class and above. I had friends in JC who strangely envied me just because of my sec school uniform and that I lived in a private apartment. I was ironically envying them for being more resilient, hardworking, intelligent and motivated! These are the people who earned their distinctions and scholarships.
Hi all,
Goodtry, i echoed ur thoughts! It is not like it is a must to be rich. But we will have more choices, can choose where to buy our house, what to have and what to want. Right now, my situation is like how to squeeze the most out of my dollars. I like to move house, but resale prices are too high Plus renovation, I am not going to have much cash left. My son likes piano but is not really talented in it and he has no
interest in cheaper group class. He feels it is too noisy with many children playing their own tunes. But we can't afford a grand piano for music teacher to come and teach. And other teachers who teach from their homes, distance matters to us as traveling time thru and fro is very long and we would be coming back at peak hour which the crowd is horrible.
It is very true rich are always more privileged as there are more choices. My rich friend forfeited a month of kindy sch fees from an expensive kindy without blinking an eye simply because not up to her expectations.
My kid asked me if we could buy a car as he doesn't like to take trains or buses when it is crowded, because many uncles and blocked his view....and his legs ached from standing too long.. Sigh... sad.. The Singapore today is really very crowded. How would a mother feel when there's a request like this?
The saddest thing is we do not have a choice, we can't even consider if the things the kid wants is a 'need' or 'want'. To pursue dreams of any kinds, the kids must first have some exposure to it, right? Else how to know where the interests lie? The times have changed,it was not so compeitive ladt time. When i was in pri 6, only 1 classmate got car, another classmate learn piano, 1 classmate got tuition as she failed her english pre lim. Now, my son'sclassmates went to english, chinese enrichment, piano, ballet, drawing and art, speech and drama. My son already lose in the starting race. Even my Sis married rich and I dread the day when my kid realised and will look at his cousins with envious, not jealousy.
Goodtry, i echoed ur thoughts! It is not like it is a must to be rich. But we will have more choices, can choose where to buy our house, what to have and what to want. Right now, my situation is like how to squeeze the most out of my dollars. I like to move house, but resale prices are too high Plus renovation, I am not going to have much cash left. My son likes piano but is not really talented in it and he has no
interest in cheaper group class. He feels it is too noisy with many children playing their own tunes. But we can't afford a grand piano for music teacher to come and teach. And other teachers who teach from their homes, distance matters to us as traveling time thru and fro is very long and we would be coming back at peak hour which the crowd is horrible.
It is very true rich are always more privileged as there are more choices. My rich friend forfeited a month of kindy sch fees from an expensive kindy without blinking an eye simply because not up to her expectations.
My kid asked me if we could buy a car as he doesn't like to take trains or buses when it is crowded, because many uncles and blocked his view....and his legs ached from standing too long.. Sigh... sad.. The Singapore today is really very crowded. How would a mother feel when there's a request like this?
The saddest thing is we do not have a choice, we can't even consider if the things the kid wants is a 'need' or 'want'. To pursue dreams of any kinds, the kids must first have some exposure to it, right? Else how to know where the interests lie? The times have changed,it was not so compeitive ladt time. When i was in pri 6, only 1 classmate got car, another classmate learn piano, 1 classmate got tuition as she failed her english pre lim. Now, my son'sclassmates went to english, chinese enrichment, piano, ballet, drawing and art, speech and drama. My son already lose in the starting race. Even my Sis married rich and I dread the day when my kid realised and will look at his cousins with envious, not jealousy.
And to save more, I buy clothes, cheap ones...but always got criticized by cousins and siblings. Comments like" so ugly, u so old already still wear this type of clothes and take this type of bags" etc....but to me cheap and new can already, not faded or torn. Is expected that i should carry a branded bag at least, but to me is crazy, no money for my kid, still can pay money to designers, I can't do it...
hi cheerie,
i know where u coming fr.I hv to admit sg's lives today is different fr. the past.This is a drastic change over the 1-2 yrs which we all hv to accept n cope...Yes...an "overcrowded" SG.
I know how ur kid feels coz i felt the same way when i was like his age.
When i was small,I used to envy ppl whose parents chauffeured them wf luxury cars.Though i took school bus,even my school bus uncle looked down at coz i stayed at old & small hse.Teachers oso behaved the way.....
My bro even worst,he stayed wf relatives(due to distance to school).Even we r close relatives,they couldn't even spare a slice of bread to him.Well,guess what happened to this relatives?They turned bankrupt,none of their 4 children doing well.While my bro is a successful doc n boss who owns few chains of clinic.
I oso liked to play piano but my mum couldn't afford to pay for my lessons n buy a piano for me.While my cousin,who 1yr my junior n only daughter at hme,got everything she wanted.I was so envious seeing her playing piano.But good things didn't last,she couldn't pass the piano exams,gave up half way.That's it,the piano at home became an antique.
I used to think the same way as you.My hb's SIL has everything she wants.I always think how unfair my parents in law r,i being a younger DIL but nvr get fair share.Over the past yrs,we fought for my fairness,hses,$$...etc...At the end,it created mental stresses to both me n my hb.After my miscarriages,i closed this chapter n move on....
Now i am happily leading my lives wf my family.
Being rich doesn't mean that u've more privileges.In sg,it is not easy to hire a good personal tutor or even a part time/full time maid.Ppl no longer as committed to their jobs as they used to be.
My kid is group tuitions for all his subjects,coz he's being the only son,i wanna him to mix ard.My hb likes to complain a lot...coz he grew up in a well to do family n everything was nicely done for him.He can't take hardship,give up easily.He oso individualistic.I do not wanna my son to be like him.U can't live alone in this society.
Why there r so many suicide cases in sg now?Coz ppl can't face stress n take the shorter way to end their lives.
I always tell my son,life will nvr be perfect,the world doesn't circle around you !! Don't go crying to mama when things doesn't happen the way you wanted..
i know where u coming fr.I hv to admit sg's lives today is different fr. the past.This is a drastic change over the 1-2 yrs which we all hv to accept n cope...Yes...an "overcrowded" SG.
I know how ur kid feels coz i felt the same way when i was like his age.
When i was small,I used to envy ppl whose parents chauffeured them wf luxury cars.Though i took school bus,even my school bus uncle looked down at coz i stayed at old & small hse.Teachers oso behaved the way.....
My bro even worst,he stayed wf relatives(due to distance to school).Even we r close relatives,they couldn't even spare a slice of bread to him.Well,guess what happened to this relatives?They turned bankrupt,none of their 4 children doing well.While my bro is a successful doc n boss who owns few chains of clinic.
I oso liked to play piano but my mum couldn't afford to pay for my lessons n buy a piano for me.While my cousin,who 1yr my junior n only daughter at hme,got everything she wanted.I was so envious seeing her playing piano.But good things didn't last,she couldn't pass the piano exams,gave up half way.That's it,the piano at home became an antique.
I used to think the same way as you.My hb's SIL has everything she wants.I always think how unfair my parents in law r,i being a younger DIL but nvr get fair share.Over the past yrs,we fought for my fairness,hses,$$...etc...At the end,it created mental stresses to both me n my hb.After my miscarriages,i closed this chapter n move on....
Now i am happily leading my lives wf my family.
Being rich doesn't mean that u've more privileges.In sg,it is not easy to hire a good personal tutor or even a part time/full time maid.Ppl no longer as committed to their jobs as they used to be.
My kid is group tuitions for all his subjects,coz he's being the only son,i wanna him to mix ard.My hb likes to complain a lot...coz he grew up in a well to do family n everything was nicely done for him.He can't take hardship,give up easily.He oso individualistic.I do not wanna my son to be like him.U can't live alone in this society.
Why there r so many suicide cases in sg now?Coz ppl can't face stress n take the shorter way to end their lives.
I always tell my son,life will nvr be perfect,the world doesn't circle around you !! Don't go crying to mama when things doesn't happen the way you wanted..
hi cheerie,
Regarding to ur cousins n siblings comments,u can nicely tell them,"i choose to spend my money in food n books(whatever),to me,clothes n bags r like decorative items on Xmas tree,after the season goes,hv to take out n keep.But the food i eat is good for my body,while books that i read enrich my well-being...etc"
It is the ppl choice.I've seen rich tai tai(in the public toilet) who carry LV bag n hv to put their LV bag into another plastic bag,mayb scare the water splash onto her bag.If i've do that all the times b4 i go into toilet,think i'll wet my pants one of the days.
I don't wear branded clothes or bags.I can tell u...FEEL so good...coz i can walk ard the showroom without being bother by the agent.The wet market's aunties n uncles oso will not overcharge me unlike those "xmas tree"tai tais whose being "chopped".
Regarding to ur cousins n siblings comments,u can nicely tell them,"i choose to spend my money in food n books(whatever),to me,clothes n bags r like decorative items on Xmas tree,after the season goes,hv to take out n keep.But the food i eat is good for my body,while books that i read enrich my well-being...etc"
It is the ppl choice.I've seen rich tai tai(in the public toilet) who carry LV bag n hv to put their LV bag into another plastic bag,mayb scare the water splash onto her bag.If i've do that all the times b4 i go into toilet,think i'll wet my pants one of the days.
I don't wear branded clothes or bags.I can tell u...FEEL so good...coz i can walk ard the showroom without being bother by the agent.The wet market's aunties n uncles oso will not overcharge me unlike those "xmas tree"tai tais whose being "chopped".
hi goodtry,
read ur post again,find it very meaningful when u mentioned u wish ur kids to hv character n wealth and health.
Yes,u r right,the impt word:"character".Look at today,there r so many corruption cases(SLA,Singtel,NKF) due to "GREED"...Yes,the excessive desire for wealth.But might end up spending years behind the bars n their family hv to suffer...
i always tell my son tat nothing comes free.If u wanna this toy,ok,daddy has to work hard n that's mean u can't spend the wkend wf daddy coz he has to go bk to work.I give him choices.
read ur post again,find it very meaningful when u mentioned u wish ur kids to hv character n wealth and health.
Yes,u r right,the impt word:"character".Look at today,there r so many corruption cases(SLA,Singtel,NKF) due to "GREED"...Yes,the excessive desire for wealth.But might end up spending years behind the bars n their family hv to suffer...
i always tell my son tat nothing comes free.If u wanna this toy,ok,daddy has to work hard n that's mean u can't spend the wkend wf daddy coz he has to go bk to work.I give him choices.
a good one....
To live is to want. When we are hungry, we want food. When we are tired, we want rest. We want the company of friends and loved ones. There is even the paradox of wanting enlightenment. Buddhism doesn't ask us to renounce companionship or the things we need to live.
The challenge is to distinguish between what is wholesome -- taking care of our physical and psychological needs -- and what is unwholesome. And this takes us back to the Three Poisons and the Five Hindrances.
We don't have to run screaming from all of life's pleasures. As practice matures, we learn to distinguish between the wholesome and the unwholesome -- what supports our practice and what hinders it. This in itself is practice.
Certainly, Buddhism does not teach that there is anything wrong with working to earn money. Monastics give up material possession, but laypeople do not. The challenge is to live in a material culture without getting snared by it.
It isn't easy, and we all stumble, but with practice, desire loses its power to jerk us around
To live is to want. When we are hungry, we want food. When we are tired, we want rest. We want the company of friends and loved ones. There is even the paradox of wanting enlightenment. Buddhism doesn't ask us to renounce companionship or the things we need to live.
The challenge is to distinguish between what is wholesome -- taking care of our physical and psychological needs -- and what is unwholesome. And this takes us back to the Three Poisons and the Five Hindrances.
We don't have to run screaming from all of life's pleasures. As practice matures, we learn to distinguish between the wholesome and the unwholesome -- what supports our practice and what hinders it. This in itself is practice.
Certainly, Buddhism does not teach that there is anything wrong with working to earn money. Monastics give up material possession, but laypeople do not. The challenge is to live in a material culture without getting snared by it.
It isn't easy, and we all stumble, but with practice, desire loses its power to jerk us around
quinbus9
Member
I think if we start our kids taking public transport and encouraging them to appreciate the simplicity in life, they won't think it's a big deal having a car. My parents taught us never to envy others because every family is different and unique. There's really no end to the wish-list.
We decide proudly for ourselves the values we wish to imbue in our own kids. So what if people make snide comments on attire, brands of bags etc? All these are very shallow pursuits. Carrying an LV may attract more courtesy at a shop at the end of the day, it's a projected image. And worse still, you're paying for something terribly marked up in price. There's no wrong in wishing to want the best private lessons, schools and spacious homes BUT at the end of the day, will these bring about happiness and better character?
Some people slog so hard to make payments for condo apartments when they could have been happier with a large HDB 5-room flat. Having a grand piano doesn't make better music if you skills are mediocre. Purposely sending kids to brand-name schools will only perpetuate the killer-envy in our kids, not elevate them in spirit. Better to teach our kids and discipline ourselves to stay focused on important things. You can get a child to learn through seemingly banal resources like brochures, newspapers and posters. We all learnt our ABCs without Leapfrog and Vtech, didn't we? Eating 'cheaper' and 'normal' foods have not impaired us in any way in the 1970s and 1980s. Are kids any healthier and happier with expensive things? I don't think so. 'Luxury' and 'best' are very subjective. The best family is one with genuine warmth, not one with tonnes of money, stress and politics.
We decide proudly for ourselves the values we wish to imbue in our own kids. So what if people make snide comments on attire, brands of bags etc? All these are very shallow pursuits. Carrying an LV may attract more courtesy at a shop at the end of the day, it's a projected image. And worse still, you're paying for something terribly marked up in price. There's no wrong in wishing to want the best private lessons, schools and spacious homes BUT at the end of the day, will these bring about happiness and better character?
Some people slog so hard to make payments for condo apartments when they could have been happier with a large HDB 5-room flat. Having a grand piano doesn't make better music if you skills are mediocre. Purposely sending kids to brand-name schools will only perpetuate the killer-envy in our kids, not elevate them in spirit. Better to teach our kids and discipline ourselves to stay focused on important things. You can get a child to learn through seemingly banal resources like brochures, newspapers and posters. We all learnt our ABCs without Leapfrog and Vtech, didn't we? Eating 'cheaper' and 'normal' foods have not impaired us in any way in the 1970s and 1980s. Are kids any healthier and happier with expensive things? I don't think so. 'Luxury' and 'best' are very subjective. The best family is one with genuine warmth, not one with tonnes of money, stress and politics.
Hi avocado,
Thanks for sharing!! Appreciate it. Maybe next time when u run into unhappiness with your rich neighbours, just think of me. You see, if u are unhappy, u can move away even to Hdb if you think the neighbors could be any better. For me, I can't and just got to put up with it. My Pinoy neighbors always dumped their food down but we couldn't do anything as there's no proof since they refused to admit it and NEA couldn't catch them doing it. end up, I don't hang my laundry out. This is only one of the incident, too much to list down!
We are not materialistic. But we can't keep up with the average singaporeans living standards, and hence the inferiority especially when it affects our child. I mean average standards, not like I want to be among the rich class.
As my English is not too good, please pardon me if I sounded rude, as I pondered for quite sometimes about how to put the words tactfully across. But sometimes being straightforward is easier to be understood.
Thanks to everyone who posted here, appreciate your kindness and advises....
Thanks for sharing!! Appreciate it. Maybe next time when u run into unhappiness with your rich neighbours, just think of me. You see, if u are unhappy, u can move away even to Hdb if you think the neighbors could be any better. For me, I can't and just got to put up with it. My Pinoy neighbors always dumped their food down but we couldn't do anything as there's no proof since they refused to admit it and NEA couldn't catch them doing it. end up, I don't hang my laundry out. This is only one of the incident, too much to list down!
We are not materialistic. But we can't keep up with the average singaporeans living standards, and hence the inferiority especially when it affects our child. I mean average standards, not like I want to be among the rich class.
As my English is not too good, please pardon me if I sounded rude, as I pondered for quite sometimes about how to put the words tactfully across. But sometimes being straightforward is easier to be understood.
Thanks to everyone who posted here, appreciate your kindness and advises....
Well,Quinbus summarized everything we tried to say...Good one,Quinbus!.
Cheerie,
My English oso no good...haha...u can see...
My rich neighbours oredi became "ex" neighbours.
At the end,it doesn't matter where u stay & which school to go,it is the "luck".There r children do well in neighbourhood school.There r oso rich yet humble neighbours(though it is rare).
Cheerie,
My English oso no good...haha...u can see...
My rich neighbours oredi became "ex" neighbours.
At the end,it doesn't matter where u stay & which school to go,it is the "luck".There r children do well in neighbourhood school.There r oso rich yet humble neighbours(though it is rare).
quinbus9
Member
Hi Cherrie,
Stay strong and happy always
You have us for support!
Hi Avocado,
I've been through branded school (kindy, pr, sec, jc) and I can safely say it's best to stay sane by being humble and grateful for what our parents have done for us. I come from Mandarin/dialect speaking home and relied on teachers + only 1 type of tuition (Pr 5 and Pr 6) to ensure that I graduated sound and safe. I had friends who were from illustrious families but they were humble and didn't like talking about their families. In fact, they're just wanting to eat hawker food, enjoy hanging around after school and playing during CCA. Maybe rich people are different these days or it's the noveau-rich that are attention-seeking in their ways.
I'm happy with HDB and I think it's great to start our kid off on both feet firmply planted on the GROUND. If you give the kids nothing but the 'best', anything lesser will give them trauma and discomfort. No fancy dining, holidays and classes until we've ensured that he's of sound values and behaviour. We make the kid thank staff at shops, restuarants and also when alighting buses. Respect and self-respect are two imperatives for us. Also appreciation of everyone's efforts, no matter how small.
Stay strong and happy always
Hi Avocado,
I've been through branded school (kindy, pr, sec, jc) and I can safely say it's best to stay sane by being humble and grateful for what our parents have done for us. I come from Mandarin/dialect speaking home and relied on teachers + only 1 type of tuition (Pr 5 and Pr 6) to ensure that I graduated sound and safe. I had friends who were from illustrious families but they were humble and didn't like talking about their families. In fact, they're just wanting to eat hawker food, enjoy hanging around after school and playing during CCA. Maybe rich people are different these days or it's the noveau-rich that are attention-seeking in their ways.
I'm happy with HDB and I think it's great to start our kid off on both feet firmply planted on the GROUND. If you give the kids nothing but the 'best', anything lesser will give them trauma and discomfort. No fancy dining, holidays and classes until we've ensured that he's of sound values and behaviour. We make the kid thank staff at shops, restuarants and also when alighting buses. Respect and self-respect are two imperatives for us. Also appreciation of everyone's efforts, no matter how small.
moorspa7
Member
Hi,
Hving material things like cars, holidays or landed property does not make you a better parent than one who hv none of the latter. My dad has a car and do bring us for holidays. However, I do not feel happy. In fact, I was depressed during my teen yrs, which I only realized in my 30s. I was treated with a lot of negativity and I don't feel loved. It has affected my adolescents yrs.
I hv 2 kids and we don't hv a car cos we can't afford 1, and we don't go for holidays. However, my kids are happier than I was as a child. All they need is love, attention and our time. Yes, they may become materialistic as they grow older due to peers pressure, but as long we guide them along the way, it shouldn't be a problem. There will be comparisons esp when they are in primary school, it is unavoidable.
I believe in living within our means, that is only the way to being happy. I do not want to end up in debts and be a slave to money, just to measure up to those rich pple. It's not worth it.
Hving material things like cars, holidays or landed property does not make you a better parent than one who hv none of the latter. My dad has a car and do bring us for holidays. However, I do not feel happy. In fact, I was depressed during my teen yrs, which I only realized in my 30s. I was treated with a lot of negativity and I don't feel loved. It has affected my adolescents yrs.
I hv 2 kids and we don't hv a car cos we can't afford 1, and we don't go for holidays. However, my kids are happier than I was as a child. All they need is love, attention and our time. Yes, they may become materialistic as they grow older due to peers pressure, but as long we guide them along the way, it shouldn't be a problem. There will be comparisons esp when they are in primary school, it is unavoidable.
I believe in living within our means, that is only the way to being happy. I do not want to end up in debts and be a slave to money, just to measure up to those rich pple. It's not worth it.
mumusings
Active Member
Well put, Moorspa!
Living within means and enjoying each other's company + avoiding constant comparison with others. A lot of times when we go out, I see mummies staring at us (don't know what they're surveying at) - looking at clothes, shoes, pram etc. We're not decked in bling and ostentacious clothing but usually happily chatting/playing. Makes me wonder why people are so hung up on material needs.
We're definitely training the kid to enjoy prublic transport and wholesome chores! One can never measure up to the super-elites/rich so just enjoy life for what it can offer!
Living within means and enjoying each other's company + avoiding constant comparison with others. A lot of times when we go out, I see mummies staring at us (don't know what they're surveying at) - looking at clothes, shoes, pram etc. We're not decked in bling and ostentacious clothing but usually happily chatting/playing. Makes me wonder why people are so hung up on material needs.
We're definitely training the kid to enjoy prublic transport and wholesome chores! One can never measure up to the super-elites/rich so just enjoy life for what it can offer!
Hi Cherrie
I was from a girls school and most of my classmate's parents were driving big cars. I did feel inferior as a kid but that's because nobody corrected my thinking.
Now as a single parent and my girl is attending an all-girls school, I do get worried at times if she'll feel inferior. Some of her classmates have their own ipad and my girl wanted one too but I asked her why does she need an ipad when she has a laptop. We have to correct the way kids think.
It's very important to maintain close relationship with kids and we have to cut down all those nagging. Do activities with your son eg: Baking (nobody says guys cant bake!), bring him out for outdoor gardening (bishan has a small plantation for kids), cycling, jogging, doing housechores etc. Teach him that we as parents wont be there forever to take care of them so train them up now... this will help him when he goes NS too. Many schools have "Show and Tell" so your son can bring photos of him planting/baking and share with his classmates. I bet many kids dont get to do all these with their parents.
Expose them to the kind of hard life kids in other countries are going through. Can watch online, bring them on mission trips or just go to our neighboring countries. Teach them to be contented with what God has given to us.
It'll also be good if you love yourself more by exercising & dressing up. It doesnt mean loading yourself with branded clothes; buy clothes online (can get decent piece at less than $35). Your son will feel proud too when he hears people commenting that his mum still look pretty right!
I was from a girls school and most of my classmate's parents were driving big cars. I did feel inferior as a kid but that's because nobody corrected my thinking.
Now as a single parent and my girl is attending an all-girls school, I do get worried at times if she'll feel inferior. Some of her classmates have their own ipad and my girl wanted one too but I asked her why does she need an ipad when she has a laptop. We have to correct the way kids think.
It's very important to maintain close relationship with kids and we have to cut down all those nagging. Do activities with your son eg: Baking (nobody says guys cant bake!), bring him out for outdoor gardening (bishan has a small plantation for kids), cycling, jogging, doing housechores etc. Teach him that we as parents wont be there forever to take care of them so train them up now... this will help him when he goes NS too. Many schools have "Show and Tell" so your son can bring photos of him planting/baking and share with his classmates. I bet many kids dont get to do all these with their parents.
Expose them to the kind of hard life kids in other countries are going through. Can watch online, bring them on mission trips or just go to our neighboring countries. Teach them to be contented with what God has given to us.
It'll also be good if you love yourself more by exercising & dressing up. It doesnt mean loading yourself with branded clothes; buy clothes online (can get decent piece at less than $35). Your son will feel proud too when he hears people commenting that his mum still look pretty right!
i oso hv no car coz it will really burn a hole in our pocket if we do and not being able to spend on other more impt stuff. though i really wish to have a car when i am richer i doubt it will happen any sooner. once in a while, i feel wei xu coz i dun like to take public transport, find it dirty as everyone uses it. many of my frens n relatives have cars, so it really makes us look odd. then some will ask..."y u dun buy a car? there are cheaper cars ard..." even my kid asked me "y no car"... to each his own. cannot afford means cannot afford lah...
the $ i use is spend on my kids' enrichment classes and investment. so between car and kids' education, i have to choose the secone, its more worth it inthe long term.
the $ i use is spend on my kids' enrichment classes and investment. so between car and kids' education, i have to choose the secone, its more worth it inthe long term.
sane
Active Member
There will always be a higher mountain, always someone richer, prettier, smarter and it's endless.
If I'm not invited to outings, I will organise my own and create my own activies. There's no need to follow one's footstep. Sometimes we are so busy in chasing others footstep that we forgot to live and enjoy our life.
While cooking with my friends just now, I just lamented that how fortunate it is to put food onto the table. Home cooked food is always the best.
The mummies here always DIY our own parties and gatherings comparing to see who can throw a more economical yet creative party .
In fact, everything in SG is over-rated and too expensive. The things in the country tt I m staying now is really so much cheaper, a beautiful modern terrace house of 5 storey with a parking lot cost only like a 3room flat in sg and a BMW X5 cost the same as our 1.5cc car with COE included.
Why is it so expensive? n u should have guess where did the $$ go to..
I got nice clothes as low as $6-7 and my friend beat me into buying a pair of BN nice pants at $1++! We always search through the night markets for good bargains.
Some shoes, clothes, bags from reputatble websites only cost less than $10!
Rather than enrichment classes, the teacher in my gal's class encourage us to bond and coach her instead, read to her. If it's a must, at least let her learn things of her own interest.
Don't follow what the others did blindly.
If I'm not invited to outings, I will organise my own and create my own activies. There's no need to follow one's footstep. Sometimes we are so busy in chasing others footstep that we forgot to live and enjoy our life.
While cooking with my friends just now, I just lamented that how fortunate it is to put food onto the table. Home cooked food is always the best.
The mummies here always DIY our own parties and gatherings comparing to see who can throw a more economical yet creative party .
In fact, everything in SG is over-rated and too expensive. The things in the country tt I m staying now is really so much cheaper, a beautiful modern terrace house of 5 storey with a parking lot cost only like a 3room flat in sg and a BMW X5 cost the same as our 1.5cc car with COE included.
Why is it so expensive? n u should have guess where did the $$ go to..
I got nice clothes as low as $6-7 and my friend beat me into buying a pair of BN nice pants at $1++! We always search through the night markets for good bargains.
Some shoes, clothes, bags from reputatble websites only cost less than $10!
Rather than enrichment classes, the teacher in my gal's class encourage us to bond and coach her instead, read to her. If it's a must, at least let her learn things of her own interest.
Don't follow what the others did blindly.
Hi, i do kind of identify with this thread ever since I became a SAHM. With a single income, our total income has effectively halved. And we both came from humble backgrounds and our incomes had always been those super average kind.
I dun feel bad abt taking public transport, although I hate the squeeziness. But I wun pay an arm and a leg to support a car when I can have much better uses for the money. Actually I'm very environmentally conscious and we are the kind of people that don't mind walking 2km to get to a destination when we have the time on a weekend. We don't like consuming lots cuz we think of the environemnt. The fancier the food, the more stress it has caused on the environment. I don't feel it's right to just take and take from the environment. E.g. looking at how restaurants package their food, or even processed foods which may seem fancy but in the end laced with trans fat and possibly even harmful plastics due to the packaging. Watch Food, Inc if you don't believe me. Overly "enriching" your kids will only make him dislike learning too. That's when the not buying a car unnecessarily comes into play - the savings can give u the boost should the need for enrichment class really arise.
Sometimes I do feel bad about not being able to afford more for my child, but hey he's got time from me that his friends don't! I have seen how a rich friend's kid - spoilt brat he is.. kicks tantrum even at the age of 5! Gets to be ferried to and fro sschool in continental CARS (yes more than 1), sometimes even sports car yet cries at will. (My son is only 2+, and he walks happily with me in the rain to the MRT station. He was tired but still he was cheerful. No whining, no fussing.) Served at home with 2 maids, get BIG item toys ever so often.. but at the end of the day, a very lonely child whose dad prefers to play golf than spend time with the kid when he's back in town (overseas based job). I also noticed he makes more eye contact with the pets than his own kid! So what if you earn 30k a month?! Contrast this with another friend's case - SAHM with 2 lovely girls, well mannered and pleasant, intelligent and a joy to be with. Who has the last laugh now? Today I realise why young children are so difficult to teach. No, make that ALL children. Because what we're trying to teach them constantly is values. And that's the hardest thing to teach - simply because it's the most important. And you certainly don't need money to teach that.
You don't need money to excel in some sports, like, running, basketball, soccer, swimming, most other team sports. Granted some of the sports do require deep pockets, like sailing, golf, tennis. And all sports are really about character building - perserverance and resilience training, being able to motivate oneself and others as well as teamwork.
I feel grateful for what I have. Having my son (when we thought we would never have a child), having a good hubby and everyone is healthy. Money can't buy u health, never forget that. It may buy one some time if one is ill, but that's abt it. And this rich friend of mine, I don't really think she's happy either. I will not go into too much detail here, but this is what I see.
I dun feel bad abt taking public transport, although I hate the squeeziness. But I wun pay an arm and a leg to support a car when I can have much better uses for the money. Actually I'm very environmentally conscious and we are the kind of people that don't mind walking 2km to get to a destination when we have the time on a weekend. We don't like consuming lots cuz we think of the environemnt. The fancier the food, the more stress it has caused on the environment. I don't feel it's right to just take and take from the environment. E.g. looking at how restaurants package their food, or even processed foods which may seem fancy but in the end laced with trans fat and possibly even harmful plastics due to the packaging. Watch Food, Inc if you don't believe me. Overly "enriching" your kids will only make him dislike learning too. That's when the not buying a car unnecessarily comes into play - the savings can give u the boost should the need for enrichment class really arise.
Sometimes I do feel bad about not being able to afford more for my child, but hey he's got time from me that his friends don't! I have seen how a rich friend's kid - spoilt brat he is.. kicks tantrum even at the age of 5! Gets to be ferried to and fro sschool in continental CARS (yes more than 1), sometimes even sports car yet cries at will. (My son is only 2+, and he walks happily with me in the rain to the MRT station. He was tired but still he was cheerful. No whining, no fussing.) Served at home with 2 maids, get BIG item toys ever so often.. but at the end of the day, a very lonely child whose dad prefers to play golf than spend time with the kid when he's back in town (overseas based job). I also noticed he makes more eye contact with the pets than his own kid! So what if you earn 30k a month?! Contrast this with another friend's case - SAHM with 2 lovely girls, well mannered and pleasant, intelligent and a joy to be with. Who has the last laugh now? Today I realise why young children are so difficult to teach. No, make that ALL children. Because what we're trying to teach them constantly is values. And that's the hardest thing to teach - simply because it's the most important. And you certainly don't need money to teach that.
You don't need money to excel in some sports, like, running, basketball, soccer, swimming, most other team sports. Granted some of the sports do require deep pockets, like sailing, golf, tennis. And all sports are really about character building - perserverance and resilience training, being able to motivate oneself and others as well as teamwork.
I feel grateful for what I have. Having my son (when we thought we would never have a child), having a good hubby and everyone is healthy. Money can't buy u health, never forget that. It may buy one some time if one is ill, but that's abt it. And this rich friend of mine, I don't really think she's happy either. I will not go into too much detail here, but this is what I see.
mumusings
Active Member
Well said, La Mer.
Fully agree that it's not worth spitting out all the cash just to keep up with others (buying car, going on holiday etc). I find so much joy taking the kid on his MRT rides (although now very risky due to breakdowns) and buses.
He's now almost 4 and recently discovered how to draw and write on his own. There's really no point pushing kids to go for fancy events and classes if they're not ready for it. 80% of meals are home-cooked and it's nice to see him enjoy eating rice so much! He gets a little treat out there (when we all share a $1 Coke or some ice-cream, not too much + he likes the ice more than the drink).
This fellow has all the toys at home to keep him company and I figured out that every S$50 spent on enrichment can pay for nearly 4 die-cast trains and 15 Hotwheels cars! I'd rather he hone skills at home and fully enjoy figuring out the mechanics with hb and me.
I may have turned out to be a different mother if I had continued working + likely get a maid etc. Definitely happy to have chosen the path of SAHM because I'd never have learnt so much in such a short span of time. I never knew this forum existed till my son was nearly 2 and I wished I'd found this place (and blogging earlier)!
Very easy to BUY packages, classes to get others to teach kids but nothing is more precious that parents playing an active role in imbuing values and language skills. Just my thoughts...
Fully agree that it's not worth spitting out all the cash just to keep up with others (buying car, going on holiday etc). I find so much joy taking the kid on his MRT rides (although now very risky due to breakdowns) and buses.
He's now almost 4 and recently discovered how to draw and write on his own. There's really no point pushing kids to go for fancy events and classes if they're not ready for it. 80% of meals are home-cooked and it's nice to see him enjoy eating rice so much! He gets a little treat out there (when we all share a $1 Coke or some ice-cream, not too much + he likes the ice more than the drink).
This fellow has all the toys at home to keep him company and I figured out that every S$50 spent on enrichment can pay for nearly 4 die-cast trains and 15 Hotwheels cars! I'd rather he hone skills at home and fully enjoy figuring out the mechanics with hb and me.
I may have turned out to be a different mother if I had continued working + likely get a maid etc. Definitely happy to have chosen the path of SAHM because I'd never have learnt so much in such a short span of time. I never knew this forum existed till my son was nearly 2 and I wished I'd found this place (and blogging earlier)!
Very easy to BUY packages, classes to get others to teach kids but nothing is more precious that parents playing an active role in imbuing values and language skills. Just my thoughts...
sane
Active Member
I m trying hard to ask my hb to sell the car in sg too n my gal like to take the public transport since young, she luv taking bus. bus ride makes her day.
I prefer to take bus/mrt too if I'm alone especially meeting my friends in town. It's a killer to drive even in off peak hours, impatience drivers, hard to find parking lots, jams, expensive parking fees. It only take 2 mrt stops to reach from Novena to Orchard but imagine that distance if I drive n parking fees cost as much as $3+ per hour! N I can shop as far as I like without worrying to walk back to retrieve the car n the expensive parking fee! can drink wo worry abt drunk driving n also dun nid to ferry my friends back. Hehe..when I top up $50 cash ard, I returned only with $10-20!!
The parking summons come like nobody business too!!
As I m staying in tw too, our 2nd hand car only cost a few thousands n except if u r traveling to other provinces, theres no ERP n ample space to park too, sometimes foc!
We get quality clothes, shoes, bags here at only a fraction of the price in sg, (made in Taiwan products). children clothes cost as little as $2+ n even less for change of season sale so u imagine the mark up in SG! How much the shop owners r earning fr u!
When my friends came to visit me, they go wild when I Bring them to wu fen pu wholesale market, a pair of winter boots cost less than $10!! N we can find Korea inspired dress for as little as $10 each n with $50, we bring back big bags of clothes!!! Hehe...
At least I dun feel like a carrot head here!
The pace is much laid back too n the housewives here prefer to cook with home, healthier for our families too. We organize grocery trips to costco n share on bulk purchase.
I dun like my gal to take outside food. if there's really no choice to dine out with friends, i ensure she eat at home before going out, steam cod fish, tofu n veggies till my friend ask me not to be so stringent on her diet.
During the day, we will hone up our culinary n baking skills, most prefer home cooked food rather than the greasy food outside.
There is really nothing much to be inferior. My hb wanted to sign me up for a gym membership but I feel dun waste $$, I'm v happy to go public pool, play basketball n badminton at the garden court n y waste $ to engage others if I'm able to teach my own gal ;p
I mit my housewives friends in the morning to garden for jogs instead n I only frequent the public poo
In SG.
it doesn't mean tt whatever others does, we need to follow. I've never owned a LV before n I'm proud to say that my wedding ring cost only $100+, i dun own diamonds, the most expensive clothes hanging in the wardrobe is less than $20 n I really like to boast to my friends abt the bargains that I find until they can't tahan me, waha.it really makes my day to get really good bargains.
I think I m the only person to take the public bus n train here, y not as it only cost a fraction of the price compared to cabs. ;p
I prefer to take bus/mrt too if I'm alone especially meeting my friends in town. It's a killer to drive even in off peak hours, impatience drivers, hard to find parking lots, jams, expensive parking fees. It only take 2 mrt stops to reach from Novena to Orchard but imagine that distance if I drive n parking fees cost as much as $3+ per hour! N I can shop as far as I like without worrying to walk back to retrieve the car n the expensive parking fee! can drink wo worry abt drunk driving n also dun nid to ferry my friends back. Hehe..when I top up $50 cash ard, I returned only with $10-20!!
The parking summons come like nobody business too!!
As I m staying in tw too, our 2nd hand car only cost a few thousands n except if u r traveling to other provinces, theres no ERP n ample space to park too, sometimes foc!
We get quality clothes, shoes, bags here at only a fraction of the price in sg, (made in Taiwan products). children clothes cost as little as $2+ n even less for change of season sale so u imagine the mark up in SG! How much the shop owners r earning fr u!
When my friends came to visit me, they go wild when I Bring them to wu fen pu wholesale market, a pair of winter boots cost less than $10!! N we can find Korea inspired dress for as little as $10 each n with $50, we bring back big bags of clothes!!! Hehe...
At least I dun feel like a carrot head here!
The pace is much laid back too n the housewives here prefer to cook with home, healthier for our families too. We organize grocery trips to costco n share on bulk purchase.
I dun like my gal to take outside food. if there's really no choice to dine out with friends, i ensure she eat at home before going out, steam cod fish, tofu n veggies till my friend ask me not to be so stringent on her diet.
During the day, we will hone up our culinary n baking skills, most prefer home cooked food rather than the greasy food outside.
There is really nothing much to be inferior. My hb wanted to sign me up for a gym membership but I feel dun waste $$, I'm v happy to go public pool, play basketball n badminton at the garden court n y waste $ to engage others if I'm able to teach my own gal ;p
I mit my housewives friends in the morning to garden for jogs instead n I only frequent the public poo
In SG.
it doesn't mean tt whatever others does, we need to follow. I've never owned a LV before n I'm proud to say that my wedding ring cost only $100+, i dun own diamonds, the most expensive clothes hanging in the wardrobe is less than $20 n I really like to boast to my friends abt the bargains that I find until they can't tahan me, waha.it really makes my day to get really good bargains.
I think I m the only person to take the public bus n train here, y not as it only cost a fraction of the price compared to cabs. ;p
mumusings - I remember tearing up when my son first rolled over for the first time because I was trying to demo him how to do it! and he took my cue. and the first time he walked, the first time he said "i love u" or even the first time he scaled a rope ladder or whenever he overcomes his fears. These moments are very precious!
moorspa7
Member
Well said, La Mer. I totally agree with u.
Ser, Taiwan seems like a great place. Like u, I also feel happy to get good bargains. I feel the high prices in Singapore is due to high rental costs and it's killing business not only in Orchard but HDB areas as well, compared to 10-20 yrs ago. If not for the high rental costs, it would be more affordable to live in Singapore. Seems like Taiwan is not as fast paced as Sg, I would prefer a more laid back lifestyle as I was under so much stress in my younger years.
Mumusings, it seems like only SAHMs can identify with each other. When I talk to my friend (not close) who is a working mother, she thinks I am hving an easy time at home. After being a Sahm, I realize it's harder than working cos the kids are totally dependent on me. I hv to be strong for them. Instiling good moral values into our kids is not easy and it's a challenge esp when they enter primary school with so many external influences.
Ser, Taiwan seems like a great place. Like u, I also feel happy to get good bargains. I feel the high prices in Singapore is due to high rental costs and it's killing business not only in Orchard but HDB areas as well, compared to 10-20 yrs ago. If not for the high rental costs, it would be more affordable to live in Singapore. Seems like Taiwan is not as fast paced as Sg, I would prefer a more laid back lifestyle as I was under so much stress in my younger years.
Mumusings, it seems like only SAHMs can identify with each other. When I talk to my friend (not close) who is a working mother, she thinks I am hving an easy time at home. After being a Sahm, I realize it's harder than working cos the kids are totally dependent on me. I hv to be strong for them. Instiling good moral values into our kids is not easy and it's a challenge esp when they enter primary school with so many external influences.