Husband filed for divorce

Namimummy

New Member
Hi
My husband shifted out of our house since Sept 19. We have no kids. Only one dog under my care now.

Yesterday i received a call from his lawyer rep to come down their office to collect the documents n suppose to see if i am agreeable to the terms.

He had initiated to divorce since June. I was trying very hard to salvage it but to no prevail.

Our HDB matrimonial flat is 50/50. I wonder if i can ask for 80/20. For the fact that I've no parents or other family members to fall back on. I will be homeless if we need to sell the house. He is the one who paid for most bills. I'm the one paying for unrecorded bills like groceries, food and Necessities.

I am also working full time. Can i ask for alimony then? I have calculated the cost of living alone and that will set me back with a deficit of - 800 a month.
 
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margret

Active Member
what make him move out?
why is he in a urgent to divorce?
do u know what reason he give for divorce?
 

poco

Member
Namimummy, how old are you , how Long have you married and how long have you both bought the Hdb flat?
 

Namimummy

New Member
what make him move out?
why is he in a urgent to divorce?
do u know what reason he give for divorce?
He juz claimed he can't live with me anymore. That our lives generally are different etc.

I haven seen the papers yet.

Should i look at the papers first before engaging the lawyer?
 

poco

Member
I'm 36, coming 5 yrs to this soon to end marriage... We bought this house in 2015
You are above 35 can has the flat under single scheme.
Since he wants to divorce urgently (dun u feel something fishy?)
Ask him to transfer the flat to you if not don’t sign the paper, let him wait 4 years.

Normally if he agreed flat can be transfer but you have to return him back the cpf.

My brother in-law same as your case.
Ex wife wants divorce (shld be has bf outside)
He asked the ex wife to transfer flat to him (only his name.), he agreed to pay her small $ by instalment but pay half way guess because her ex re married so he stopped.


Yes, see the paper first, and add your condition of the transfer of flat or 80% you take, whatever you feel comfortable and ask for a sum of divorce fees $50k or depends on how much his salary and how much you think your husband has in his saving.


No need hire your lawyer first, ask his lawyer to negotiate with him.
If he urgent to divorce he will agreed to your terms.

He can’t treat marriage as a game, waste your time and youth, happy come unhappy go.
 
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margret

Active Member
You are above 35 can has the flat under single scheme.
Since he wants to divorce urgently (dun u feel something fishy?)
Ask him to transfer the flat to you if not don’t sign the paper, let him wait 4 years.

Normally if he agreed flat can be transfer but you have to return him back the cpf.

My brother in-law same as your case.
Ex wife wants divorce (shld be has bf outside)
He asked the ex wife to transfer flat to him (only his name.), he agreed to pay her small $ by instalment but pay half way guess because her ex re married so he stopped.


Yes, see the paper first, and add your condition of the transfer of flat or 80% you take, whatever you feel comfortable and ask for a sum of divorce fees $50k or depends on how much his salary and how much you think your husband has in his saving.


No need hire your lawyer first, ask his lawyer to negotiate with him.
If he urgent to divorce he will agreed to your terms.

He can’t treat marriage as a game, waste your time and youth, happy come unhappy go.
poco, its doesn't work that way.

when u collect the divorce deed, the lawyer will not talk to you, he will not negotiate for you since your husband hire him, you have to get your own lawyer.

once the collect the divorce deed you will have 21 days to decide what to do.

for hdb there are many option, one option is to make him transfer his cpf to you. even without the need to pay him back. but if there is any remaining installment you have to get a new loan. are u able to afford it?
 
Hi
My husband shifted out of our house since Sept 19. We have no kids. Only one dog under my care now.

Yesterday i received a call from his lawyer rep to come down their office to collect the documents n suppose to see if i am agreeable to the terms.

He had initiated to divorce since June. I was trying very hard to salvage it but to no prevail.

Our HDB matrimonial flat is 50/50. I wonder if i can ask for 80/20. For the fact that I've no parents or other family members to fall back on. I will be homeless if we need to sell the house. He is the one who paid for most bills. I'm the one paying for unrecorded bills like groceries, food and Necessities.

I am also working full time. Can i ask for alimony then? I have calculated the cost of living alone and that will set me back with a deficit of - 800 a month.
Sorry to hear what is happening, best it u find ur own lawyer so that u able to know what is ur right . If u want the house u might need to pay him by cash every months which happened to my gf too . N u need time to keep all receipts to prove u contributed to this house too, so u able to request alimony or else will be difficult n also u dun have kid
 
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poco

Member
poco, its doesn't work that way.

when u collect the divorce deed, the lawyer will not talk to you, he will not negotiate for you since your husband hire him, you have to get your own lawyer.

once the collect the divorce deed you will have 21 days to decide what to do.

for hdb there are many option, one option is to make him transfer his cpf to you. even without the need to pay him back. but if there is any remaining installment you have to get a new loan. are u able to afford it?
ijnn
:cool::po_O:p



Margaret, I have a girlfriend her husband file for divorce, but she is able to ask for a sum of money thru his lawyer before she agreed to sign.

She no need to hire her own lawyer, they have no children so it was a straight forward thing.
The lawyer help both of them come to a term.
Guess the husband has a girlfriend outside so he wanted to settle it fast.
If not she doesn’t want to sign and has to wait for 3 yrs. (They have separated for 1 year)
Divorce both of them no need go to court too.
No children involve.
For Hdb issue better to settle privately.

Hire lawyer unless she has things to fight.
Unless her husband earns a high income.
If nothing to fight and only a few requests,
no point hiring lawyer.

Unless he is nasty, do not want to compromise.
Then no choice has to hire her own lawyer.
Able to settle in private is better.
No point waste $ to lawyer, min $2k?
 
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Namimummy

New Member
I am going down to pick up the documents from his lawyer this week.

He felt that i dont love him anymore. Being together for almost a decade and married for 5years, being stagnant at certain stage shld be quite common. He was very affected by it.

I know after this happened, he confided to her ex. I suspected something but I didn't wanna pursue further.

He gave me up. Or rather, he gave us up.

I need advise. If i am working but if i prove that my income is not enough to sustain my independent lifestyle. Can i ask for alimony? Like i said, i have to get a place of my own as i do not have parents. I am asking 1/5 of his salary income.
 

Namimummy

New Member
@Namimummy, did u ever wonder why there’s a sudden behave change in him? What’s are the huge differences bet the 2 of u tt he wants to divorce u?
I don't know. I wish i would know too. Now he's accusing me of cheating him with a girl. That's the best part. I don't know what tricks he have up his sleeves.

He planned all this... He told everybody except me abt his decision abt divorcing me. He transferred out his money from out joint savings. Cut my supp card and all.

He even chk the house matters. How much we will split etc. Which i never ever did. I was so unprepared
 
i'm sure he might have someone outisde... i fnot why he nv wanna discuss divorce with you? unless u guys already separated.. but i dont think that is the case... he just pushing all blames to you la... get money from him...
 

margret

Active Member
take a look at this. posted by one of the mummies. if he doesn't have a valid reasons delay time with him.

 

Namimummy

New Member
take a look at this. posted by one of the mummies. if he doesn't have a valid reasons delay time with him.

What would delay be an advantage for both?

Thanks for sharing the link above.

I realised im stucked in an almost similar situation except im not sure if he has a woman outside. I assume he didn't hv.

He said I've changed because
1. I've lost alot of weight. I went for weight loss surgery for health sake. He felt i was no longer attractive because he likes bigger woman. Even when the marriage broke down (when he demand for divorce), we still do 'room activities'. He claimed there's just lust, no love. That broke my heart into zillion pcs.

2. I took my degree studies frm 2016-2018. That resulted in lack of time together

3. I made him unfilial to his parents. He claimed i was unhappy whenever his parents ask for money i wld b unhappy. But i nv stop him for giving.

4. He said i also shut him up whenever he tried to reason with me. Communication breakdown.
 

KelGen

Member
You can try talk to him to ask him to give you 80/20. Though I doubt he will.
Worst come to worst, drop down to 60/40.
Otherwise, buy over his share if you really want the house
If not, after divorce, then find another house.
 

Namimummy

New Member
I
You can try talk to him to ask him to give you 80/20. Though I doubt he will.
Worst come to worst, drop down to 60/40.
Otherwise, buy over his share if you really want the house
If not, after divorce, then find another house.
I don't think I've the monie to buy over his share. Our house value now is abt 500K and we are currently paying 50/50 via cpf
 
than u try to nego more abit... like 70/30.. ask him to give u 70% of the flat share.. whatever need to go to the cpf still have to.. and the balance will be given to you by cash.. and this u can go get a 3 room flat under single scheme....
 

KelGen

Member
I don't think I've the monie to buy over his share. Our house value now is abt 500K and we are currently paying 50/50 via cpf
Well, are you working? When buying over his shares, is to top up his CPF via loan (if not enough)
Example, house is 300k when you both purchased. And both have been paying total of 100k till now (meaning 50k each)
So when you buy over his share, is to pay back 50k to his CPF account.
 

Namimummy

New Member
Well, are you working? When buying over his shares, is to top up his CPF via loan (if not enough)
Example, house is 300k when you both purchased. And both have been paying total of 100k till now (meaning 50k each)
So when you buy over his share, is to pay back 50k to his CPF account.
Will it be based on current market price?
 

margret

Active Member
What would delay be an advantage for both?

Thanks for sharing the link above.

I realised im stucked in an almost similar situation except im not sure if he has a woman outside. I assume he didn't hv.

He said I've changed because
1. I've lost alot of weight. I went for weight loss surgery for health sake. He felt i was no longer attractive because he likes bigger woman. Even when the marriage broke down (when he demand for divorce), we still do 'room activities'. He claimed there's just lust, no love. That broke my heart into zillion pcs.

2. I took my degree studies frm 2016-2018. That resulted in lack of time together

3. I made him unfilial to his parents. He claimed i was unhappy whenever his parents ask for money i wld b unhappy. But i nv stop him for giving.

4. He said i also shut him up whenever he tried to reason with me. Communication breakdown.
if separation you can still stay in the house. and he pay for the house expenses.
take this period to built up your finance.
 

Namimummy

New Member
How long can I delay to collect the divorce document from his lawyer?

Apparently i was told i need to come down personally
 
they will only give u 21 days to reply... so best is to get the paper asap and to read clearly... cos some points u might not understand and will need to consult others... so best is not to drag
 

margret

Active Member
How long can I delay to collect the divorce document from his lawyer?

Apparently i was told i need to come down personally
only when u received the document handed to you by hand and you acknowledge it. then the 21 days will start.
if u dont wan to go down, they have to send to u by hand.
 

Namimummy

New Member
I was just been advised by another lawyer to wait for his lawyer to serve the writ to me. I don't have to go down personally. But I've to respond within 8 days
 

Namimummy

New Member
Thanks for the advises. He texted me to rush me to agree with the divorce. I don't know what's the rush. Very saddening.

Seek advise from a lawyer. Chances of getting higher share of the hse is likely impossible
 

Drain

Member
Thanks for the advises. He texted me to rush me to agree with the divorce. I don't know what's the rush. Very saddening.

Seek advise from a lawyer. Chances of getting higher share of the hse is likely impossible
Then use this as a chance to nego with him on house matter :)
Since he want to rush, and you not in the rush, you are at the upper hand
 

Namimummy

New Member
I need some advices for my flat

If we decide sales proceeds to be 50/50. If im getting a resale flat, i must fully utilise the 50% on my next flat i have due to the new clause for resale buyers
 

Caramel_gal

New Member
Why are you still thinking of alimony? You guys don'y have children, don't you think that is asking a bit too much. You should learn to provide and stand up for yourself like a strong and independent woman.
 

Mongkok

Active Member
if your house is a new unit, try taking over it (pay back his cpf contri). coz the profit is good when u sell it later.

to tide u thru, you may explore renting out the rooms.

rule of thumb, who don't have the time shall lose the nego. he don't hv time. u hv.

now (this moment) you are most valuable to him. use this moment to nego w him. if he wants out asap, he got to agree to your terms. if not, drag it. explore ways to drag w/o burdening yourself (engage lawyer etc).

as long as you are working and willing to adapt (renting out your space), you won't lose.

btw, he rush you is not becoz he is hving a menopause, but rather he is rushing to his new girl.

btw, when a person no longer love another, even breathing aso can b an issue. coz he will blame u for taking time to breath then talking to him... hmmm... what says?

he isn't for u. jus move on. no issue.
 

Namimummy

New Member
Why are you still thinking of alimony? You guys don'y have children, don't you think that is asking a bit too much. You should learn to provide and stand up for yourself like a strong and independent woman.
Asking alimony is the only source which i can get money from him.

He's earning 3x more than me. And i did the math of the deficits I'll be in..
I am not asking half of his salary. If asking 1/7 of his salary is unethical, then period.

He should then stand up as a man to honor his words which he once vowed in our marriage.
 

wendy_reborn

Active Member
Asking alimony is the only source which i can get money from him.

He's earning 3x more than me. And i did the math of the deficits I'll be in..
I am not asking half of his salary. If asking 1/7 of his salary is unethical, then period.

He should then stand up as a man to honor his words which he once vowed in our marriage.
No matter how much he earn once a man married a women. He vows to take care of her for life, till the day she die or remarried.

Even if there is a divorce, he should give u the same standard of life. To make your case strong, use receipt to back u up.

Don’t listen to that idiot, he/she is making a lot of idiot comment in the forum.
 

Namimummy

New Member
I wanted to be self sustainable as well. But for now, i know i cant. Like i mentioned, this came very sudden and i am not financially prepared. I'm one silly woman who trusted this man to take care of me in sick n health, for poorer or richer..for bad or good...
 

margret

Active Member
I wanted to be self sustainable as well. But for now, i know i cant. Like i mentioned, this came very sudden and i am not financially prepared. I'm one silly woman who trusted this man to take care of me in sick n health, for poorer or richer..for bad or good...
yes we should be self sufficient but also we should be good to ourselves.
we given the best part of our life to the man we loved. just because he have someone else or he change his mind to contiue the marriage then we should suffer because of his changed mind. this is really unfair.
so there is nothing wrong is asking him to compensate back
 

Cath_rina

New Member
Asking alimony is the only source which i can get money from him.

He's earning 3x more than me. And i did the math of the deficits I'll be in..
I am not asking half of his salary. If asking 1/7 of his salary is unethical, then period.

He should then stand up as a man to honor his words which he once vowed in our marriage.
Yes I agree. My ex earns lesser and he is just a normal local guy driving grab after he lost his job in the oil and gas sector. Then I found a bf whom i truly love and wanted to divorce him. He still has to pay my maintenance. He was unfaithful as he found a new gf and got remarried after we divorced and now has a child with this woman but my relationship is now in unsure stage. I still will fight for my maintenance because it is our rights as women.
 

johntan68

Member
Not really. If take over, is sort of based on the price you bought, paid etc.
I don’t think this is correct, it will be based on valuation price or the market price. It will not based on the initial purchased price of the property.
 

johntan68

Member
Asking alimony is the only source which i can get money from him.

He's earning 3x more than me. And i did the math of the deficits I'll be in..
I am not asking half of his salary. If asking 1/7 of his salary is unethical, then period.

He should then stand up as a man to honor his words which he once vowed in our marriage.
How much you asking is quite tricky. It is not about you asking 1/7 or 2/7 or even 3/7 is that too much or too little etc... firstly, the judge will have to consider your financial means, secondly, whether your life style will be downgraded after the divorced and how much of the maintenance to fill that gap. Ideally, one will definitely ask for more but your lawyer need to proof that amount is of reasonable for you, otherwise yr request will be throw out of the court room. 2 things I would suggest you to do:-
1. Get a lawyer and understand your options available.
2. Speak to a banker, get the banker to calculate the loan amount, how much you need to pay, loan, base on, let say 50/50, 60/40 etc. This will give you an idea how much you need to pay him should you buy over his share, CPF top up and cash as well. How much will be your monthly housing loan.

John.
 

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