Heartbroken99
New Member
Very sad
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Hubby & relationship issues
- Thread starter Heartbroken99
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Johnson Philip
New Member
Your hubby got low self-esteem. If you wish to stick with him. You need to make him feel important in your life. Let his confidence grow.
If not, start planning for yourself and your child. Seek a lawyer first for your optional incase he or you want to divorce later. The child might not go to him if divorce.
All the best and stay positive for your child.
If not, start planning for yourself and your child. Seek a lawyer first for your optional incase he or you want to divorce later. The child might not go to him if divorce.
All the best and stay positive for your child.
Go get a job. Period.
I think you aso buey zi dong. He may be struggling to sustain this family. U still sit by waiting for durian to drop?
When he threaten DV, u should start looking at yourself. You became a liability.
They ask you don't work to start a family. You got this blessing from hub too? Other ppl say u listen. U didn't even assess your situation as it goes. u happily continue don't work.
Just get a job. Things wil b better.
U no job no money... engage lawyer aso got problm.
Settle yourself first. By then you will b in a better position to handle this situation.
I think you aso buey zi dong. He may be struggling to sustain this family. U still sit by waiting for durian to drop?
When he threaten DV, u should start looking at yourself. You became a liability.
They ask you don't work to start a family. You got this blessing from hub too? Other ppl say u listen. U didn't even assess your situation as it goes. u happily continue don't work.
Just get a job. Things wil b better.
U no job no money... engage lawyer aso got problm.
Settle yourself first. By then you will b in a better position to handle this situation.
Heartbroken99
New Member
hi I am not buay zi dong. When he was doing his reservist and studying in university for the whole 7 years, I was the one working as a full-time low waged worker to support him both financially and emotionally. Pls tell me in these days, which woman is still so silly and faithful to stick with a guy who beat and always throw temper yet support him fully when he’s poor and really down for 1 decade of courtship before our marriage. Many will choose to leave but I foolishly thought he will change for a better person and things will be good in the end back then.
In fact, my hubby was 1 of them telling me to quit the job to stay at home to conceive (because he’s desperate to fulfil his mum final wish to have a grandchild 3 years ago) and later asked me continue to stay at home to take care of baby as his late mum is very frail due to kidney dialysis. His old aged & weak health mum can’t take care of our baby at all. He said even if I go outside and work I can’t earn much at all yet only putting myself into more troubles.
And FYI I have been constantly looking for part-time jobs these days but only to get employers’ direct replies after knowing my child is too young now, they told me frankly that they are very worried I have to often take urgent leaves or childcare leaves to take care of my child and will disrupt & hinder their daily job functions. They even advised me to only start looking for jobs until my child goes into a primary school. Worst thing is due to this recent covid-19, many companies even explained to me they can’t afford to hire any part-timers, in fact they are even considering laying off some of their full-time workers already, let alone hiring part-timers who can’t do much for their daily operations.
His own sister is a super high flyer, really high earner but didn’t help him out or at least say will help him pay for our child’s school fees if she understands clearly he can’t manage any further. Or maybe help to pay & hire a helper for us so I can really go out to work to help the family. Hope you understand the picture more clearly now.
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Heartbroken99
New Member
hi how come you also think he has a low self-esteem issue? And I have been making him so important for more than a decade until he stumbled all over me now. In fact he really looked and talked very confidently to anyone who knows him. All people who knew him told me I have the best man in the world, confident, jovial, humorous and generous. But deep down here only me, my bro and my mum thinks he has some self inferior issues. I am worried about the costs of consulting a lawyer as I don’t have any money since I have not been working for 3 years.
Anonymousjane
Active Member
Hmm to be honest finding a job and then being able to hire a helper would be the best option. If you can get your mom to take care of your child in the interim while you get a full time job. That way you will be independent and he won't be able to treat you as his wish. If he still does not change and if you then think separation is the best option, you will then be able to self sustain.
Not sure why would the sister offer to pay since she is technically not involved in your family (it is between the couple and child)
Not sure why would the sister offer to pay since she is technically not involved in your family (it is between the couple and child)
Anonymousjane
Active Member
Fr
Only way here is to be the opposite by being independent and financially stable.
As for cleanliness, maybe he has OCD in that terms. Maybe you can try seeing if coming up with storage boxes where you can clear off all in a box when not needed and also reach them easily when needed.
From a third party's perspective, your husband knows he is the sole breadwinner now and you and your child is completely dependent on him. Most probably he is taking advantage of this and treating you as he wishes to and perhaps even feeding his own ego.
Only way here is to be the opposite by being independent and financially stable.
As for cleanliness, maybe he has OCD in that terms. Maybe you can try seeing if coming up with storage boxes where you can clear off all in a box when not needed and also reach them easily when needed.
Heartbroken99
New Member
hi it’s not I don’t want to ask my mum for help in taking care of my child, my hubby actually cut ties with my mum because of the above mentioned issue and 1 more issue which I didn’t have time to share above. So now I am stranded with being alone taking care of the child fully all by myself. He doesn’t want to see my mum just because he was the one in the wrong and being so unreasonable. So tell me now who else can help me, except his capable sister?? Family members are supposed to help one and another, moreover when they are financially stable. If she’s really not a high earner, I would even dare to hope for her assistance.
In fact I think the sister should step in to help his bro financially (either paying for the monthly school fees or getting us a helper) if she knows his situation so I can rest my mind and go out to look for a full-time job. But getting a job nowadays is another tacky issue for me, many employers don’t want to hire me now as I replied to another person’s below/above. You can read up yourself if you are free.
And back then, she was actually one of them asking me to quit my low wage full-time job to stay at home and conceive. 3 of them - my late mil, my hubby and his sister asked me to quit job one as both are trying to fulfil his late mum final wish to have the only grandchild in his entire family.
now my only biggest concern is who will get the custody of my child if divorce me? I am very upset and worried because of this issue. I want to work but I can’t get a decent job. I have been helping him more than enough (both financially and physically) for the past 2 decades!!
Heartbroken99
New Member
yah he has OCD as his late mum (my late mil) has super serious OCD (can’t go home at all when she’s doing laundry or can’t visit toilet or fart when cooking food) too. His both siblings also have some OCD issues too.
I tried to clear by putting into carton boxes but he’s very angry coz he said too messy and not clutter-free. So what more can I do again? Tell me really for god’s sake why did I meet such a guy??
And YES!! I fully agreed with you that’s he’s taking advantage on us (both kid & i) dependent on him now. But he was the one of them telling me to quit job and stay at home to take care of the child knowing that hiring a helper would cost him even more than having me at home being the best helper & caregiver for our child. Now he’s trying to going overboard and asking more & more expectations from me. Do you know how upset I am going thru right now? Having to bear with a 24/7 time bomb who may any time any where just explodes and roar like a madman & throw things at us?!
go legal aids or aware to help you legally.
both of you really have to many differences.
I would strongly advise you, move forward. and likely your life will be happier.
Heartbroken99
New Member
I would like to but I have no job and can’t do anything bcoz no one will help me take care of my poor child.
go to family court to apply for maintenance against your husband.
then try to put child in day care, find a job.
Heartbroken99
New Member
My child is currently in childcare already. But how to apply for maintenance when I haven’t even divorce with my hubby yet?? Or maybe can just that I don’t know! Pls enlighten me if you know.
in fact I also tried to look for many jobs but all employers Upon hearing my child is only so young and in childcare don’t want to hire me full or part time, coz they worried I will often take urgent or childcare leaves to Bring her home when sick or etc. Plus the covid-19 situation many told me they are even thinking of laying off some workers already so how to have additional head-counts?
Maintenance Mediation
The Maintenance Mediation Chambers (MMC) is a dedicated one-stop centre to deal with all the maintenance disputes through mediation at the FJC. It offers a free mediation service to assist parties to resolve their maintenance disputes amicably.
When litigants make applications in Court for maintenance for self and/or child, or for enforcement or variations of existing maintenance orders, mediation appointments will be fixed at MMC for parties to attend at the FJC to mediate their maintenance disputes.
The MMC is located at level 2 of the FJC at 3 Havelock Square, Singapore 059725.
The Maintenance Mediation Chambers (MMC) is a dedicated one-stop centre to deal with all the maintenance disputes through mediation at the FJC. It offers a free mediation service to assist parties to resolve their maintenance disputes amicably.
When litigants make applications in Court for maintenance for self and/or child, or for enforcement or variations of existing maintenance orders, mediation appointments will be fixed at MMC for parties to attend at the FJC to mediate their maintenance disputes.
The MMC is located at level 2 of the FJC at 3 Havelock Square, Singapore 059725.
Anonymousjane
Active Member
Why cant u tell prospective employers your mom will take care of your child? I mean if you tell them no one will take care, then they will definitely not hire you because of the potential absence from work.
Why not talk it out with your husband and mom to sort it out. Tell your husband you are keen to earn to help the family and ask your mom if she can help out.
Otherwise find a full time job, dont need to tell them no one else to care for your child. Then hire a helper.
There are many women who go back to work after maternity and their child is perhaps 2-4 months old. Yet employers dont really let go of them. Just need to convince them you have that sorted
Heartbroken99
New Member
My hubby cut ties with my mum and wanted to divorce with me already. He totally ignored me for 4 days like a transparent person. In fact 4 mins ago, I was just talking to him in less than 30cm only but he don’t want to reply me at all. So who help me take care of my child??
tiggerpooh
Active Member
sorry if I may seem blunt, but if there is intent 4 u 2 divorce your DH, den y do u care if he is cutting ties wif your mum?
as long as u tell your mum u need help n wat u r planning 2 do, I don't think she wont help.
n as u have said, your child is in childcare.... which opens fr 7am - 7pm most of d time. I m sure if u r not picky... there shld b a lot of jobs out there within dat time frame...
as long as u tell your mum u need help n wat u r planning 2 do, I don't think she wont help.
n as u have said, your child is in childcare.... which opens fr 7am - 7pm most of d time. I m sure if u r not picky... there shld b a lot of jobs out there within dat time frame...
Heartbroken99
New Member
I tried to look for jobs even part time also can’t find as most of these jobs need to work on weekends which I can’t as my mum can’t come & help in my house too, my hubby forbade her to come my place in fact.
you think too much for your husband.
he is trying his best to cut you financially and also make no one to help you.
in the end you not only lose out in divorce and even to the extend of your child.
since he doesn't want you to work. go and claim maintenance for yourself and your child. do some part time job when your child in child care, or work from home, dont let your husband know. slowly build up your financial. plan in the future if u divorce, let your mother take of your child
Heartbroken99
New Member
Sis, I knew what you meant. But really can claim maintenance without going through any legal procedures?? And do you happen to know any job I can work from home one??? Pls advise thanks
so far is he giving you n child any maintenance?
the filing for maintenance order there will be done by yourself, the mediators will ask both of u to go there and settle on maintenance for you n child.
for work from home, u can try go online n search. although salary is low but at least you have some income
Heartbroken99
New Member
is monthly allowance known as maintenance in this context???
He only gave $400 a whole month for me to take mrt daily to send & fetch kid from school, settle my daily 3 meals, my kid’s dinner & snacks, buy his daily breakfast & dinner (if he’s at home), buy groceries (optional or when needed), his/mine/child clothes, toys, credit bills, $130 insurances, buy food for my mum secretly etc. In addition he only paid for my hp bills. Just my insurance almost 1/2 of the allowance gone. And I have to top-up EZ-Link card every week 2x or 3x of $10 each time. Where got more $$$$ left to buy meals and pay off my credit card bills etc???
So pls thanks tell me......really frankly speaking $400 what got enough at all? That’s why I have to use my OWN savings (saved very long & very very very hard-earned) as I was such a lowly paid worker to pay off anything more to credit card company when $400 allowance is all used up in the first 2 weeks.
When I shared this info to some mums, they were shocked to hear only $400 a month for me & a child AND also to help my hubby to buy things & groceries sometimes, sure not enough at all. In your opinion, what do you think??
how much is his salary?
$400 is quite low for you and your child
Heartbroken99
New Member
His salary is high but not as really high as his sis & bro-in-law lah. However he used 80% of his salary once comes in to his account to pay off all his credit bills, home bills (electricity, internet, water etc), so left very little for himself and gave me $400 - so I heard from him many times. Because he travels so extensively, naturally his travel claims a lot and usually finance Dept in company always process and do their claims very slowly one.
So if let’s say he do for this month travel claims (hotel bookings, air tickets, transport, meals, entertainment expenses etc) BUT.......have to wait at least until 2 more months then come in one, so his salary really not enough to roll over and don’t have enough to save or pay off other things.
But his sis & bro-in-law ok, their salaries super high and they have so much cold hard cash & savings in bank, they don’t travel as extensively as my hubby does and they don’t have any kid so don’t need to spend a lot at all. So when their salaries come in, it’s really for their own savings and spendings. No need to worry this and that so much.
Anonymousjane
Active Member
Full time jobs are mostly monday-friday. Not many jobs require weekends. Work from home, while it exist, is very rare. Otherwise everyone would choose to work from home.
Other option, you can try some small business from home, like home cooked food - tingkat delivery, food delivery, buy and sell items and so on.
As for maintenance, I believe it would have to be via legal means
Other option, you can try some small business from home, like home cooked food - tingkat delivery, food delivery, buy and sell items and so on.
As for maintenance, I believe it would have to be via legal means
Anonymousjane
Active Member
Plus what about sending ur kid to your moms place if she cant come to your house?
Heartbroken99
New Member
can’t do tingkat delivery or home cooked food coz needs NEA license one and I don’t know how to cook nice. Lolz!
I want to buy & sell items but I always don’t know how some ppl manage to source from suppliers the goods etc.
And yes I am finding a full time job but I have shared with many mums privately that upon hearing my child’s so young in preschool they were scared I will keep taking urgent leaves and childcare leaves any time to bring her home then will disrupt their daily operations. Let alone saying for part-time, it’s even harder when working hours are already shorter yet have to take time-offs or leaves to go take care of my child. And mostly part-time jobs need me to work on weekends, then who help me take care of my child? And many employers told me lately due to this covid-19 situation, many companies freezed headcounts and some even thinking of laying off workers, not even to mention hire somemore??
wendy_reborn
Active Member
Even you work full time if there is anything, u can call your mum to help you
Heartbroken99
New Member
FYI my hubby cut ties off my mum so I don’t dare (no face) to trouble my mum and moreover the most important thing is she’s very old very hard to take care of my super duper active toddler!!!
Hi, I truly understand how you are feel right now, I was a 过来人 and I was a divorcee with a kid and somemore my family are in Malaysia, unable to support me at all. Anyway, I will suggest you to:
1. Move back to your mum place, don't let your husband threaten you.
2. Fight for allowance and maintenance from your husband and yes, you can fight for maintenance even though you have not gone through divorce process. You can also consider to visit family counselling centre for a free consultation or visit woman support society such as Aware Singapore.
3. I know is very hard to get a job for now but please try your best. Once you got a job, can consider to place your child in a childcare or nanny, and also process for divorce. I feel is unhealthy for a child to live with violent dad, it will definitely affect your child character in future.
4. Some Family Counselling Centre do recommend jobs for single parents, you should consider to fix an appointment with them since it is free.
1. Move back to your mum place, don't let your husband threaten you.
2. Fight for allowance and maintenance from your husband and yes, you can fight for maintenance even though you have not gone through divorce process. You can also consider to visit family counselling centre for a free consultation or visit woman support society such as Aware Singapore.
3. I know is very hard to get a job for now but please try your best. Once you got a job, can consider to place your child in a childcare or nanny, and also process for divorce. I feel is unhealthy for a child to live with violent dad, it will definitely affect your child character in future.
4. Some Family Counselling Centre do recommend jobs for single parents, you should consider to fix an appointment with them since it is free.
NatalieTan84
Member
Second what you shared....My sentiments exactly.
No one deserves to go through this nonsense!
Celinelesner
New Member
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