How to be happier..

[SearchingLove]

Hubby and i are in early 40s and we've been in a sexless marriage for many years - he has PE, refuses to see doc due to pride issues + he always have the mindset that i'm not patient enough (he expects me not to be disappointed if he shoots in less than 30secs, or if he ej during foreplay..), can somebody teach me on how not to show any disappointment on such situation?

yest he told me that he wouldnt have the mood to have sex or initiates if we have any arguments/disagreements on any days (eg if mon we have slight disagreements, he wouldnt have the mood for rest of the wk) - but which couple wouldnt have disagreements when it comes to child issues?

our only intimacy will be a goodnight peck on forehead from him on gd days and he claimed that he has been a gd hubby by trying to go doc's appointment with me etc..

i dont know if i'm too demanding..but i feel very unhappy..i cant tell him how i feel cos he will be angry and the cycle repeats...

can somebody pls advise what shd i do so that my days will be happier?

 

[be-brave]

in a way, i'm in your husband's shoe. i have dry vagina, so intercourse is v painful for me. so i develop phobia of sex. i dont dare to b too close to my husband, afraid to raise his hope of intimacy then crush it later cos is so painful for me. in the few times we managed to go through it, he worry that he hurt me and i m upset that he has to worry about it plus the pain.

for me, a hug a kiss is all i want. but he wants more and i m v stress about it.

think your husband is also having a lot of stress. probably thats why he said he doesn't have the mood to initiate sex if you have disagreement. probably a way to "protect' himself, subconsciously. i read somewhere that it is harder for the man to hold if he is stress.

maybe try to focus on intimacy first? hugs and kisses and being with each other. if you have the urge, can do it yourself.

 

[SearchingLove]

I am ok with a simple hug or kisses, but the point is he is not, he feels that i’m too demanding with these requests..

He is always working and on home after 8 or 9pm daily, he claims to be very busy, but honestly I wonder if he is really working or what..would you believe that a guy who don’t diy?

With regards to your pain, have you check if you have endometriosis?

 

[Hailey G]

I'm in my early 40s too, been married for 15.5 years, always been sexless as my hubby has zero interest, not even foreplay. Probably due to his hectic work schedule (we work together). I'm unhappy sometimes, envy those normal couples who can have intimacy and sex, even those who only have it once a month. We do hold hands when we are out and he is caring....just zero intimacy, zero foreplay, zero sex. Have told him many times but he never give in. Anyone in the similar situation.

Hubby is not bisexual, no 3rd party.... He is just always fretting on his work.

 

[JL8118]

Seems there's more and more such cases.
For TS, i guess you can only try talk to your hubby out, to have his PE treated. My hubby used to have PE as well. After much persuading as I've told him about my feel, he finally went to see doc about it. Took some pills, and eventually his PE gets better

 

[p_eppermint]

Seems there's more and more such cases.
For TS, i guess you can only try talk to your hubby out, to have his PE treated. My hubby used to have PE as well. After much persuading as I've told him about my feel, he finally went to see doc about it. Took some pills, and eventually his PE gets better

guess you are lucky as your hubby loves you more than his face/ego...

OP's hubby seems like one who values his ego a lot and does not want to see doc as he finds it embarrassing. might need some effort to convince him. jiayou and good luck!

 

[JL8118]

guess you are lucky as your hubby loves you more than his face/ego...

OP's hubby seems like one who values his ego a lot and does not want to see doc as he finds it embarrassing. might need some effort to convince him. jiayou and good luck!

Yes. Am lucky that after much persuading, psycho-ing, my hubby finally seek my advice and go for it.
It do take lots of time/encouragement though

 

[be-brave]

I am ok with a simple hug or kisses, but the point is he is not, he feels that i’m too demanding with these requests..

He is always working and on home after 8 or 9pm daily, he claims to be very busy, but honestly I wonder if he is really working or what..would you believe that a guy who don’t diy?

With regards to your pain, have you check if you have endometriosis?

does he talk to you, as in chit chat or his work?

mine is not endometriosis. thanks for asking.

 

[be-brave]

Seems there's more and more such cases.
For TS, i guess you can only try talk to your hubby out, to have his PE treated. My hubby used to have PE as well. After much persuading as I've told him about my feel, he finally went to see doc about it. Took some pills, and eventually his PE gets better

think stress causes many couple to have less sex.

JL, you two must have very good communication that he can hear you and able to manage his pride.

I know this is not easy for men to handle.

 

[JL8118]

think stress causes many couple to have less sex.

JL, you two must have very good communication that he can hear you and able to manage his pride.

I know this is not easy for men to handle.

Yes. Talk till my saliva dry up.. Then he listen...
Have to say communication is really important in a marriage/relationship.