Friend who criticised & scold my kids

[Lynnloo]

Hi mommies,

I have a long time friend who always criticised my kids and she will scold them when they misbehaved. She has 4 kids and i do agreed that her kids are not as active as mine. They are better behaved but i find it offensive when she shouted at my kids. She should have informed me if they have misbehaved and i will discipline my kids.
How do i handle this situation so that it will not spoilt the friendship?
Thanks in advance.

 

[Eppy]

Hi mommies,

I have a long time friend who always criticised my kids and she will scold them when they misbehaved. She has 4 kids and i do agreed that her kids are not as active as mine. They are better behaved but i find it offensive when she shouted at my kids. She should have informed me if they have misbehaved and i will discipline my kids.
How do i handle this situation so that it will not spoilt the friendship?
Thanks in advance.

Maybe you can share a few examples of how she criticized or scold?

 

[Lynnloo]

Once when we are out for dinner and my kids wanted to use my hp cos they are bored. She will criticised them of being very naughty. she said i do not know how to discipline my kids the correct way. Even friends who are with us also commented how i can tolerated on what she said after the dinner. Next when we went to a friend house for xmas celebration, hers and my kids are standing on the owner's bed.she shouted at my kids to come down.
Another occasion, my kids are playing with their gadgets, she commented on why i allowed my kids to play gadgets. Its not healthy. Next occasion, she allowed her kids to be play gadgets, a fren commented on why she allowed them to use gadgets for long hours.her respond is, the battery can only last a few hours and after which they will stop.

 

[Eppy]

Once when we are out for dinner and my kids wanted to use my hp cos they are bored. She will criticised them of being very naughty. she said i do not know how to discipline my kids the correct way. Even friends who are with us also commented how i can tolerated on what she said after the dinner. Next when we went to a friend house for xmas celebration, hers and my kids are standing on the owner's bed.she shouted at my kids to come down.
Another occasion, my kids are playing with their gadgets, she commented on why i allowed my kids to play gadgets. Its not healthy. Next occasion, she allowed her kids to be play gadgets, a fren commented on why she allowed them to use gadgets for long hours.her respond is, the battery can only last a few hours and after which they will stop.

Maybe the next time you go out in a group, can talk about it of how a friend of yours was being treated by her friend, something like that, see what she says. Listen n don’t act defensive. If she is smart, she will reflect otherwise even if you tell her upfront, she won’t get it.

 

[Lynnloo]

Maybe the next time you go out in a group, can talk about it of how a friend of yours was being treated by her friend, something like that, see what she says. Listen n don’t act defensive. If she is smart, she will reflect otherwise even if you tell her upfront, she won’t get it.

That's gd idea. Thank you so much.

 

[Bunny33]

Nobody has the right to scold your kids without your permission. It’s basic respect n seems like she has zero of it. I don’t think this type of frenship is worth keeping. No point hinting to her. Just tell her upfront that u don’t like it n hope she respect u n not shout at your kids. Everyone has diff parenting skills n what works for u may not work for others.

 

[Lynnloo]

Nobody has the right to scold your kids without your permission. It’s basic respect n seems like she has zero of it. I don’t think this type of frenship is worth keeping. No point hinting to her. Just tell her upfront that u don’t like it n hope she respect u n not shout at your kids. Everyone has diff parenting skills n what works for u may not work for others.

Hi,
Thank you for your respond.
Have been upset about this for quite some time.
Seeing my kids being yelled by her, i felt so bad.

 

[colormebeautiful]

Let me guess, is she a spinster?

 

[Lynnloo]

Let me guess, is she a spinster?

No.she has 4 kids.

 

[Mongkok]

if it bothers you so much, don't meet with her with kids.

if asked, just say your kids aren't happy being disciplined by her and treated with double-standard. Laugh it off. She should get the big idea thereafter.

 

[Lynnloo]

if it bothers you so much, don't meet with her with kids.

if asked, just say your kids aren't happy being disciplined by her and treated with double-standard. Laugh it off. She should get the big idea thereafter.

Have been avoiding of meeting up but she will bring kids n hb to my place....

 

[Mongkok]

Have been avoiding of meeting up but she will bring kids n hb to my place....

she definitely will inform u before she pops by (should be lah.. "courtesy goes a long way").

jus tel her that you welcome her. ask her give you some time to arrange the kids to be out of the hse. thereafter, you start the ball rolling...

 

[Lynnloo]

she definitely will inform u before she pops by (should be lah.. "courtesy goes a long way").

jus tel her that you welcome her. ask her give you some time to arrange the kids to be out of the hse. thereafter, you start the ball rolling...

Actually we are close that's why she will popped by cos she knew i will be home..

 

[pingping]

Actually we are close that's why she will popped by cos she knew i will be home..

Still, she needs to ask if it is a convenient time to visit you. It seems like there are no boundaries, and it is all about respect. If she respects you, she will not go to your house at her convenience. You are already not feeling comfortable, it means the relationship with your friend is imbalanced. If both of you are close friends, then you should be able to talk it out with her, without beating around the bush. Mutual respect is necessary for a healthy relationship.

 

[Lynnloo]

Have talked it out with her but she is not taking it well. In our chatroom with friends, she is always shooting at whatever i said. The rest also felt that she is directing at me. Though one of them have told her that she is rude towards me, she choose to ignore. Ya, come to think of it.the relationship is imbalance. There is no mutual respect...

 

[Drain]

Have talked it out with her but she is not taking it well. In our chatroom with friends, she is always shooting at whatever i said. The rest also felt that she is directing at me. Though one of them have told her that she is rude towards me, she choose to ignore. Ya, come to think of it.the relationship is imbalance. There is no mutual respect...

Sounds to me she's jealous over you... Hence always pointing finger at you. Or probably, she's interested in your husband? Hope not...

Well, you can shoot her back. Tell her it's your own family, and you are the one managing, not her.

 

[Lynnloo]

She and my hb are friends before i knew my hb. Don't think she is interested in him cos her hb earns gd money.

 

[Drain]

She and my hb are friends before i knew my hb. Don't think she is interested in him cos her hb earns gd money.

Well, doesn't mean earn good money, means not interested
I feel she's over-reacting. Tell her is your own kid, you know how to discipline them. Not up to her to discipline.
Tell her if you scold/shout at her child, will she be happy?

 

[Lynnloo]

Ya told her that and she is not taking it well. Her pride is v.high and she need to have the last word eventhough its clearly her fault. After telling her, she will "shoot" whatever i said in the chatroom. Hence, i'm staying slient.

 

[Drain]

Ya told her that and she is not taking it well. Her pride is v.high and she need to have the last word eventhough its clearly her fault. After telling her, she will "shoot" whatever i said in the chatroom. Hence, i'm staying slient.

Ya. Just heck care her then. Worst come to worst, exit the group

 

[jewelgoh]

Ya told her that and she is not taking it well. Her pride is v.high and she need to have the last word eventhough its clearly her fault. After telling her, she will "shoot" whatever i said in the chatroom. Hence, i'm staying slient.

Since she and your hb are friends, why not get your hb to tell her off instead. It will make much difference coming from a male's mouth.

 

[tiggerpooh]

actually in our grp of friends, there is also such a person....

but in my instance, the friend is a guy... he will go around joke or insult me... since there is no way i will take any shit from someone whom shld b friend of DH... I will retort....

Weird thing is he didnt like it n told DH about it... N i just tell DH 2 tell his friend 2 stop being a cry baby... if he cant take whatever he is giving, den dont do it unto others. My stand has always been clear n i told my DH... if he is not there 2 defend me... I will defend myself... n if his friend doesnt like it... dont do it 2 me.

After dat incident, d friend became quiet n behaved himself.

 

[moorspa7]

Ya told her that and she is not taking it well. Her pride is v.high and she need to have the last word eventhough its clearly her fault. After telling her, she will "shoot" whatever i said in the chatroom. Hence, i'm staying slient.

It seems like she has something against you and is not open about it. Good choice in staying silent, however, please maintain boundaries. If she comes to your house without notice, do not let her in. You need firm boundaries til she gets it that you mean what you say. It is not going to be easy but it will work out for you in the long run. She will treat you like a doormat if you continue to let her do what she wants. This is for your sanity, otherwise it is going to be very stressful for you in in the long run. You have a choice to protect yourself from being stressed by people who have no regards for your emotional being. Sorry to say this, but she is a toxic person. You can google on this and how to deal with such people. As long you have made yourself clear what is uncomfortable for you to her, and she ignored it. She is not a friend to you.

 

[hamburger]

I think she treats you as a REALLY close friend hence just speaks freely to you and your kids. Moreover as someone with 4 kids, she's too used to "disciplining" children, she probably forgets that other people's kids should be treated differently and leave it to their parents.

Mediacorp pan ling ling and hong huifang friends for so many yrs, also ended their friendship due to pan ling ling also criticising hong huifang's children. If can, i feel best is meet up without kids. Maintain your friendship with her just as the two of you.

 

[sarah_lynn]

I tell off other people's kids all the time if they are endangering or hurting my son or any of my friend's kids. I don't raise my voice particularly, but I will say something along the lines of 'stop that now, it's not nice to hit/kick/whatever'. And I would hope that someone else would say the same to my boy if he was misbehaving and I missed it for some reason. I don't want my son learning that hitting is ok and that is the message he is getting if he isn't told off and equally if someone is hitting him and doesn't get told off.

If you're not in the mood to communicate with her, say it to her. Sometimes even the good critiques might get you mad and upset. But it seems to me that she's just acting like a toxic person.

 

[LovesNewBorns]

She and my hb are friends before i knew my hb. Don't think she is interested in him cos her hb earns gd money.

The only thing I can say IS .... she’s SUPER JEALOUS OF YOU !!!!
So what if she’s ur hubby’s Friend .....she is definitely NOT good Friend to you .
Friends are there to boost you up when things are bad .. not put you down every chance she gets !!!
Leave that chat group .. form one of ur own ( WITHOUT HER ) with others that u connect well with ...

She went for $$$ and now jealous cos you have ur hubby .

She sounds like a very spiteful person!!!
You are better off with her in ur life.