Divorce or not because of prostitutes?
- Thread starter blur_ballerina
- Start date
I agree with khanlicker for the most part...
However, I believe that there are many factors for married men who actually visit prostitutes...
- lack of proper communication & understanding
- lack of emotional support
etc..
then again, in my personal opinion, if the man really REALLY truly loves his wife, he should not even CONTEMPLATE having an affair with ANYONE, much less to say a prostitute... Although, sad to say such love is rare these days.
If the marriage has been going well before the man strayed... I would say it could be a one-off chance that he grew weak for that moment.. though it doesn't make it forgivable for most (including me :x)
However, I believe that there are many factors for married men who actually visit prostitutes...
- lack of proper communication & understanding
- lack of emotional support
etc..
then again, in my personal opinion, if the man really REALLY truly loves his wife, he should not even CONTEMPLATE having an affair with ANYONE, much less to say a prostitute... Although, sad to say such love is rare these days.
If the marriage has been going well before the man strayed... I would say it could be a one-off chance that he grew weak for that moment.. though it doesn't make it forgivable for most (including me :x)
khanlicker
New Member
Hi fellow Mummies,
here's an interesting confession from a married man
http://www.sammyboyforum.com/showpost.php?p=6583614&postcount=138
Hi Regina,
The answer to wife boring or not depends, but if u look at it objectively, the truth is, wife cant rival prostitute in terms of sexual and pleasuring skills, because they have sex day and night with many guys, practice makes perfect. SO, the important question that you should be asking is, subjectively speaking, does he still love me even if prostitute have better skills?
on weekends, I will try to list out the reasons (and hopefully with proof) of why man visit prostitutes ( or bar/KTV ). I am not attempting to justify the act of visiting prostitute, but trying to shed some light on it and let mummies here understand (not necessarily making u agree).
Like it or not, some reason may sound bizarre, but this is how man feels and they just have different mentality and reaction psyche from woman. Since you are married to a man, it sometimes help to look at it from a man POV.
here's an interesting confession from a married man
http://www.sammyboyforum.com/showpost.php?p=6583614&postcount=138
Hi Regina,
The answer to wife boring or not depends, but if u look at it objectively, the truth is, wife cant rival prostitute in terms of sexual and pleasuring skills, because they have sex day and night with many guys, practice makes perfect. SO, the important question that you should be asking is, subjectively speaking, does he still love me even if prostitute have better skills?
on weekends, I will try to list out the reasons (and hopefully with proof) of why man visit prostitutes ( or bar/KTV ). I am not attempting to justify the act of visiting prostitute, but trying to shed some light on it and let mummies here understand (not necessarily making u agree).
Like it or not, some reason may sound bizarre, but this is how man feels and they just have different mentality and reaction psyche from woman. Since you are married to a man, it sometimes help to look at it from a man POV.
Woohoo ... this is getting interesting. And I am putting my $$$ to say that Khanlicker is a MAN!
Anyway, I read your story. And agree that the man in the story would stray.
What if the wifey has given birth, still maintains her looks/body, loves her hubby, let him f***, initiate sex occasionally, do kinky stuff with her man, what are the chances the man will stray?
Anyway, I read your story. And agree that the man in the story would stray.
What if the wifey has given birth, still maintains her looks/body, loves her hubby, let him f***, initiate sex occasionally, do kinky stuff with her man, what are the chances the man will stray?
khanlicker
New Member
Souless mom,
It depends on how deep the man loves his wife and his values/morality/upbringing. Believe it or not, some man loves wife so much that they only masturbate and watch porn (some women even have problem with that) While some love the wife and are not willing to visit prostitute but they still go to KTV/Bar.
Regina,
Wife is wife, prostitute is prostitute, they are 2 different living entity, to everyman. There wont be any similiarity, but they do better in stroking men ego, making him feel better, and giving him better "girlfriend experience"
Men don't equate sex with love, period. They are able compartmentalize it. Occasionally, there will be some man(a minority of them) who fall in love, but majority of them are single, lonely soul. And almost every experience senior in sammyboy forum will advise and scold any man that fall in love with prostitute. So dont be misled by newspaper that sensationalize news of married man dump family for a whore, they are shocking, but it's only minority cases. So yup, nearly everyone in Sammyboy forum side with wives and family and always nag them to go back home after visiting whore.
It depends on how deep the man loves his wife and his values/morality/upbringing. Believe it or not, some man loves wife so much that they only masturbate and watch porn (some women even have problem with that) While some love the wife and are not willing to visit prostitute but they still go to KTV/Bar.
Regina,
Wife is wife, prostitute is prostitute, they are 2 different living entity, to everyman. There wont be any similiarity, but they do better in stroking men ego, making him feel better, and giving him better "girlfriend experience"
Men don't equate sex with love, period. They are able compartmentalize it. Occasionally, there will be some man(a minority of them) who fall in love, but majority of them are single, lonely soul. And almost every experience senior in sammyboy forum will advise and scold any man that fall in love with prostitute. So dont be misled by newspaper that sensationalize news of married man dump family for a whore, they are shocking, but it's only minority cases. So yup, nearly everyone in Sammyboy forum side with wives and family and always nag them to go back home after visiting whore.
So my guess is right! A man in disguise trying to justify the deeds of his same kind in a Mother's forum! How interesting can this gets.
And I really am interested why out of the blue a man appear in this forum.
Hmmm .... I wondering out loud now, why would the man still thinks that his wife still wants him after tasting KFC.
This topic is so interesting I may even ask Get Rea! to have a segment on this -- Married men who visit prostitutes.
And I really am interested why out of the blue a man appear in this forum.
Hmmm .... I wondering out loud now, why would the man still thinks that his wife still wants him after tasting KFC.
This topic is so interesting I may even ask Get Rea! to have a segment on this -- Married men who visit prostitutes.
cangeline
Member
It does sounds like from Man point of view, it is alright for them to go for prostitute but isn't that a very selfish thing?
When they stray, they got illness, who will have to suffer with them for their consequences, it is usually the wife and their family. Is it fair for the wife to bear such things just for the enjoyment and ego of their husband?
Somemore, it sounds so normal for man to stray but when woman stray, we will be call names and from man point, it is humilating for them to know their wife stray.
I would say if the husband can stray for prostitute then this man is not worth keeping. He have not committed himself to the marriage, not committed himself to the family and set a bad example for the kids.
I have no proof of my husband visiting them and only suspicious but once i have the proof then i will kick his ass off the house as he does not deserve any more for the wife to hold the family and to sacrific everything for the family for him.
When they stray, they got illness, who will have to suffer with them for their consequences, it is usually the wife and their family. Is it fair for the wife to bear such things just for the enjoyment and ego of their husband?
Somemore, it sounds so normal for man to stray but when woman stray, we will be call names and from man point, it is humilating for them to know their wife stray.
I would say if the husband can stray for prostitute then this man is not worth keeping. He have not committed himself to the marriage, not committed himself to the family and set a bad example for the kids.
I have no proof of my husband visiting them and only suspicious but once i have the proof then i will kick his ass off the house as he does not deserve any more for the wife to hold the family and to sacrific everything for the family for him.
Angeline : That is a sad fact of reality. But as this topic of men straying yet getting support from their wives, especially the school principal who was involved in a sex scandal, yet have his wife appearing infront of camera supporting him. I felt very sad.
Husband, daddy do naughty things -- family bear the burden of shame, humiliation from the public, hurt etc.
I must say it's hard to just kick a cheating spouse out of the house, cause there are so many considerations and consequences to bear. If there are kids involved, what are you going to say to the kids?
I personally think of some support group or media discussion on this topic is necessary. I know this will not eliminate married men from visiting prostitutes, but it brings about awareness to many ignorant women outside, and how they should react, resolve such issues without bringing hurt to themselves or suffer emotional scarrings in their lives.
No/Yes?
This topic is getting so interesting.
Husband, daddy do naughty things -- family bear the burden of shame, humiliation from the public, hurt etc.
I must say it's hard to just kick a cheating spouse out of the house, cause there are so many considerations and consequences to bear. If there are kids involved, what are you going to say to the kids?
I personally think of some support group or media discussion on this topic is necessary. I know this will not eliminate married men from visiting prostitutes, but it brings about awareness to many ignorant women outside, and how they should react, resolve such issues without bringing hurt to themselves or suffer emotional scarrings in their lives.
No/Yes?
This topic is getting so interesting.
cangeline
Member
Juz, I agree it is not easy to kick the cheating spouse out but from the other side of man view, is it because the man think that the wife have to consider for the family and kids so they think they can get forgive easily for mistake they might do it just once or repeatly.
Woman on the other hand, have to suffer the humiliation, the emotion suffering yet put up a strong front in front of the children.
I feel that having a family with both parents constantly quarreling or having a separated family but both spouse spend time with the kids well being?
Woman on the other hand, have to suffer the humiliation, the emotion suffering yet put up a strong front in front of the children.
I feel that having a family with both parents constantly quarreling or having a separated family but both spouse spend time with the kids well being?
Angeline, I agree with you that men thinks that women forgive easily and can be taken advantage of.
I have to admit my hubby is also a memeber of such websites, whether he has already committed the act, I don't know. It's call living in denial, cause seriously, I don't know what to do. That is why, after the spate of men visiting underage prostitutes came into light, I suddenly felt the urge or the need to understand and seek advice/insight from the mothers here.
Sadly, many women here also don't know how to react. It's so easy to say "kick the man out", what about the emotions turmoil the women have to suffer, what about the kids who are suddenly left with no father? What is the mother going to tell the kids? What if the wife continue to let the man indulge in such vices, and one fine day their husband is caught in the act by the authorities, will the wife blame herself for not walking out earlier, thereby exposing their children to shame etc etc etc....
The is no clear solution to solve this issue. But I think we need to create awareness, and also provide support for those poor suffering women who have such experience but don't know what to do going forward.
We, women need to learn how to take care of ourselves, put the needs of ourselves first then we are in a better position to look after our family. When such tragedy strikes we are in control, and know how is the best approach going forward.
These are my view.
I have to admit my hubby is also a memeber of such websites, whether he has already committed the act, I don't know. It's call living in denial, cause seriously, I don't know what to do. That is why, after the spate of men visiting underage prostitutes came into light, I suddenly felt the urge or the need to understand and seek advice/insight from the mothers here.
Sadly, many women here also don't know how to react. It's so easy to say "kick the man out", what about the emotions turmoil the women have to suffer, what about the kids who are suddenly left with no father? What is the mother going to tell the kids? What if the wife continue to let the man indulge in such vices, and one fine day their husband is caught in the act by the authorities, will the wife blame herself for not walking out earlier, thereby exposing their children to shame etc etc etc....
The is no clear solution to solve this issue. But I think we need to create awareness, and also provide support for those poor suffering women who have such experience but don't know what to do going forward.
We, women need to learn how to take care of ourselves, put the needs of ourselves first then we are in a better position to look after our family. When such tragedy strikes we are in control, and know how is the best approach going forward.
These are my view.
cangeline
Member
Juz, like you i am in such situation but i do not have proof of him visiting just know he visit such website only and suspect of it.
My stand is that, we need to judge the situation. Would your child be more hurt to hear you keep quarreling with your husband or it is better for him to understand some facts and then live separately.
I would choose secondary as the child do not have to withstand our coldness to each other or constant quarrel.
My stand is that, we need to judge the situation. Would your child be more hurt to hear you keep quarreling with your husband or it is better for him to understand some facts and then live separately.
I would choose secondary as the child do not have to withstand our coldness to each other or constant quarrel.
khanlicker
New Member
I can understand your sentiments (due to u finding out your hubby being member of such forum) but I must repeat I did not, am not and will not justify married husband visiting prostitutes ( only under exceptional circumstances, whereby wife unreasonable rejected sexual advance for a very long period of time ). If your hubby has a willing partner, he should not be visiting whores, ever.
Anyway, if your angst and frustration has blinded your judgement and rational thinking process, then I don't see any point of me continuing here any longer.
I certainly hope that you have a open and equal communication with your fellow hubby in the future for the sake of your marriage and not enter into any with a holier than thou attitude and tone.
Anyway, if your angst and frustration has blinded your judgement and rational thinking process, then I don't see any point of me continuing here any longer.
I certainly hope that you have a open and equal communication with your fellow hubby in the future for the sake of your marriage and not enter into any with a holier than thou attitude and tone.
Angeline, in the first place is was the marriage already in bad shape when the "act" was committed?
Like what khanlicker (i m beginning to detest the moniker, it reminds me of something vulgar), has the wifey been rejecting the hubby both sexually and emotionally? If yes, then there is more than meets the eye to the Act.
If all is well and healthy between hubby and wife and the Act was committed then, yes, it will be justifiable for the wife to make a firm decision to either leave the man or continue to work things out (?).
I know of somebody very close to me who is very attractive after the birth of 2 kids, and is still sexually active with hubby, but still the hubby visits the prostitutes, it's like an addiction.
I don't know, maybe i seek solace here to learn better so that when the truth slap on my face I can deal with it better.
Like what khanlicker (i m beginning to detest the moniker, it reminds me of something vulgar), has the wifey been rejecting the hubby both sexually and emotionally? If yes, then there is more than meets the eye to the Act.
If all is well and healthy between hubby and wife and the Act was committed then, yes, it will be justifiable for the wife to make a firm decision to either leave the man or continue to work things out (?).
I know of somebody very close to me who is very attractive after the birth of 2 kids, and is still sexually active with hubby, but still the hubby visits the prostitutes, it's like an addiction.
I don't know, maybe i seek solace here to learn better so that when the truth slap on my face I can deal with it better.
I agree with both cangeline and souless on several points - straying is really selfish, and yes, divorce does have several consequences, the most important of which is the child(ren) who will have to suffer from the break up, and the emotional damage.
In terms of humiliation, if not revealed to public, the humiliation would be the wife's own thoughts... in fact, divorce would result in speculation and possible humiliation as well.
Some may argue that it is a matter of the wife's pride over the child's mental and emotional well-being.
It takes a lot of humility and magnanimity for a wife to forgive the husband - not love. We may love our husband a lot, but for some women, love does not equate to humility or sacrifice.
In my pov, the women must be strong enough in the first place, before even deciding to divorce or not. The child(ren) will be affected by any kind of changes among their parents, especially in the growing up years. If possible, I would definitely advise not to divorce because really, it takes a toll on the kids.
I remember when I was younger, one of my good friends attempted suicide because of her parent's constant arguments, threats of divorce and fighting for custody. She felt so helpless and thought it was her fault. She thought if she ended her life, her parents wouldn't argue anymore, because she remembers the love story of her parents, and how they used to be so happy. Her parents had no clue she was so badly affected...
Parents need to suck it up as much as they can, argue as little as possible. If it were my husband, I would continue to be loving towards him, with the hope of making him feel more of the guilt, and less of himself - without bringing the incident up. I would then seek comfort by hanging out with friends...
In terms of humiliation, if not revealed to public, the humiliation would be the wife's own thoughts... in fact, divorce would result in speculation and possible humiliation as well.
Some may argue that it is a matter of the wife's pride over the child's mental and emotional well-being.
It takes a lot of humility and magnanimity for a wife to forgive the husband - not love. We may love our husband a lot, but for some women, love does not equate to humility or sacrifice.
In my pov, the women must be strong enough in the first place, before even deciding to divorce or not. The child(ren) will be affected by any kind of changes among their parents, especially in the growing up years. If possible, I would definitely advise not to divorce because really, it takes a toll on the kids.
I remember when I was younger, one of my good friends attempted suicide because of her parent's constant arguments, threats of divorce and fighting for custody. She felt so helpless and thought it was her fault. She thought if she ended her life, her parents wouldn't argue anymore, because she remembers the love story of her parents, and how they used to be so happy. Her parents had no clue she was so badly affected...
Parents need to suck it up as much as they can, argue as little as possible. If it were my husband, I would continue to be loving towards him, with the hope of making him feel more of the guilt, and less of himself - without bringing the incident up. I would then seek comfort by hanging out with friends...
cangeline
Member
Sexual life desire is something both Man and woman need.
When the husband complains that his sexual needs are not met and move on to look for extra activities and justified it by saying it is the wife fault, is it really fair?
When we turn the table over, why was the wife losing the desire for it, is it because she is too overwhelm with load of responsibilities in the family that she become too tired for it?
In singapore, most of us are working mums, we need to manage our job, managed our kids, their school work, taking care of the housework like washing clothes etc...
By the time, you completed all these tasks, seriously who will not feel tired and how often will one wife lost the desire for it?
On the other hand, when man working outside return home, some might help with simple chores, some simply just continue tv watching or surf web and then expect the tired wife to fulfill one desire?
So my point is that when those man stray, did they ever pause and think in the point of the woman shoes why is it we are rejecting it or not commit to it.
there are man who choose to satisify their desire through masturbate and watch porn instead of being unfaithful to the wife so does one wife not able to satisfy their desire justify their action?
When the husband complains that his sexual needs are not met and move on to look for extra activities and justified it by saying it is the wife fault, is it really fair?
When we turn the table over, why was the wife losing the desire for it, is it because she is too overwhelm with load of responsibilities in the family that she become too tired for it?
In singapore, most of us are working mums, we need to manage our job, managed our kids, their school work, taking care of the housework like washing clothes etc...
By the time, you completed all these tasks, seriously who will not feel tired and how often will one wife lost the desire for it?
On the other hand, when man working outside return home, some might help with simple chores, some simply just continue tv watching or surf web and then expect the tired wife to fulfill one desire?
So my point is that when those man stray, did they ever pause and think in the point of the woman shoes why is it we are rejecting it or not commit to it.
there are man who choose to satisify their desire through masturbate and watch porn instead of being unfaithful to the wife so does one wife not able to satisfy their desire justify their action?
cangeline
Member
I agree with you ,kryzzie that divorce is really the last resort as most of us have children to think of.
Sad to say, when such thing happen, woman most often tolerate for the sake of their children.
The inborn instinct of a Mother.
On the other hand, why can't the Man think of the children before they actually commit such act and expected they will be forgiven without any consequences?
Sad to say, when such thing happen, woman most often tolerate for the sake of their children.
The inborn instinct of a Mother.
On the other hand, why can't the Man think of the children before they actually commit such act and expected they will be forgiven without any consequences?
Joanne, I like your last para. It takes a woman who has a lot of self-love and inner peace to achieve this.
Anger, resentment, attachment .... may bring about the separation. But will not achieve harmony within oneself, and not to mention to the kids.
Even if we must let go eventually, we know that we have done our best. Acceptance of the fact of life, and it's easier to let go. With no regrets.
Anger, resentment, attachment .... may bring about the separation. But will not achieve harmony within oneself, and not to mention to the kids.
Even if we must let go eventually, we know that we have done our best. Acceptance of the fact of life, and it's easier to let go. With no regrets.
I think watching porn is already being unfaithful...
although I have been told that my views are a little extreme.. but I feel that thoughts lead to words, and words eventually leads to action.
So I would prefer if he would not even think about it.
I believe if a man really loves his woman, he would quit his unfaithful ways. It would take time, alot of understanding and effort for both man and woman though...
although I have been told that my views are a little extreme.. but I feel that thoughts lead to words, and words eventually leads to action.
So I would prefer if he would not even think about it.
I believe if a man really loves his woman, he would quit his unfaithful ways. It would take time, alot of understanding and effort for both man and woman though...
I agree with you souless, it may be easier to accept we have done our best and let go, but kids may not have enough understanding to let go as easily... And that's the hard part.
I grew up with in a single parent family, and till today, I wondered what it would have been like to have a father, to have a complete family, etc.
It is true a lot of self-love, inner peace and sacrifice is needed to be the "bigger" person, but, for me, after years of volunteering with children - especially those from broken families, I learn that it is so important for a child to grow up in a complete family, because it is really difficult for any mother to play the role of both a mother and father in a child's life, and a "new" father brings about a whole set of other complications for a child.
I grew up with in a single parent family, and till today, I wondered what it would have been like to have a father, to have a complete family, etc.
It is true a lot of self-love, inner peace and sacrifice is needed to be the "bigger" person, but, for me, after years of volunteering with children - especially those from broken families, I learn that it is so important for a child to grow up in a complete family, because it is really difficult for any mother to play the role of both a mother and father in a child's life, and a "new" father brings about a whole set of other complications for a child.
Joanne, my heart goes out to you.
But on the other hand, if no parents are not at peace with one another, will the child be happy?
Maybe what I am trying to do here sound overly ambitious. But is there a support group for mothers who have philandering husbands for whatever selfish reasons they have.
Support group does not encourage mothers to seek divorce as a solution. But for mothers to come together to talk it out within a group of women who have the same issues.
No point, talking to their husbands, who will find it confrontational, and issue will be left unresolved. And seriously, I tell you men will not not repent. Trust me.
But on the other hand, if no parents are not at peace with one another, will the child be happy?
Maybe what I am trying to do here sound overly ambitious. But is there a support group for mothers who have philandering husbands for whatever selfish reasons they have.
Support group does not encourage mothers to seek divorce as a solution. But for mothers to come together to talk it out within a group of women who have the same issues.
No point, talking to their husbands, who will find it confrontational, and issue will be left unresolved. And seriously, I tell you men will not not repent. Trust me.
I think it would really helpful if there was a support group, though I do not know of any. I agree that husbands may find it confrontational. It's sad and true...
but I do know of a couple who overcame the situation and the husband is repentant and completely rid of his old ways. What I understand from both of them is that they seeked professional help and both became more open with each other. Most importantly, is that he wanted to change, to stop hurting his wife (whom is actually my childhood friend and was like a big sis to me) and to be there for their children... instead of spending his time with other women (he was sleeping with prostitutes & escorts, but always a different one and no feelings/attachment, according to him).
I watched how their relationship developed, the sweet, the sour, the bitter and now they both seem to have come to a point of acceptance and peace.
but I do know of a couple who overcame the situation and the husband is repentant and completely rid of his old ways. What I understand from both of them is that they seeked professional help and both became more open with each other. Most importantly, is that he wanted to change, to stop hurting his wife (whom is actually my childhood friend and was like a big sis to me) and to be there for their children... instead of spending his time with other women (he was sleeping with prostitutes & escorts, but always a different one and no feelings/attachment, according to him).
I watched how their relationship developed, the sweet, the sour, the bitter and now they both seem to have come to a point of acceptance and peace.
Juz souless
did you find out why your friend's husband went to find prostitutes even though his wife is attractive?
Khanlicker - do you have anything to add to this? recently, I met a guy who told me his wife "served" him well and then he said: If every day I have abalone, I get bored. I also want wanton mee for a change.
LOL!
did you find out why your friend's husband went to find prostitutes even though his wife is attractive?
Khanlicker - do you have anything to add to this? recently, I met a guy who told me his wife "served" him well and then he said: If every day I have abalone, I get bored. I also want wanton mee for a change.
LOL!
i thought my male friends were bad enough... but omg those male friends you both know some like real a***oles.. ugh. If it were my friend saying that, I will surely tell them I would slap them if I were the wife...
So selfish and ignorant of the consequences. They only think with the heads below >.>
So selfish and ignorant of the consequences. They only think with the heads below >.>
cangeline
Member
I agree with Regina that it is very difficult as they can always do it outside without you knowing.
My suspicious came when one night he came back smelling fresh from just bathe and he claim he came back from work and check his phone and notice alot of contacts with name and service hour. I even try to call one of the contact and then a China gal picked up so i went to google the number and name ended up it is some sites with alot of china gals posting their phones, vital statics, services and also price.
So we must really keep an eye on them once you start noticing them going to weird website and hide it when you enter the room.
One way to know what they are surfing is that you can check the website they visited via the History in the browser. Usually the browser settings allow the info to be kept for about a few days unless your husband is so clever to clear them then you have to go to the computer hidden temporary internet directory in hope to give you some hints on the website he have surf.
My suspicious came when one night he came back smelling fresh from just bathe and he claim he came back from work and check his phone and notice alot of contacts with name and service hour. I even try to call one of the contact and then a China gal picked up so i went to google the number and name ended up it is some sites with alot of china gals posting their phones, vital statics, services and also price.
So we must really keep an eye on them once you start noticing them going to weird website and hide it when you enter the room.
One way to know what they are surfing is that you can check the website they visited via the History in the browser. Usually the browser settings allow the info to be kept for about a few days unless your husband is so clever to clear them then you have to go to the computer hidden temporary internet directory in hope to give you some hints on the website he have surf.
wow cangeline.. you're quite IT savvy! I'm sorry to hear that your hubby is like that though... there are also software programs that can be used to keep a log and track internet history even if it is deleted via the browser...
I was unfortunate enough to mistakenly google my bf's username instead while trying to go to his facebook profile page... and found his name and contact number on sites listing him as "client" and what activities he's interested in... Although he says he has mended his ways, but we're not married yet. We have been talking about marriage and because of the knowledge that he was once like this.. I am still hesitant to settle down with him. Sigh. It's a good thing I am still in my early 20s, so marriage is not too much a pressing issue..
and honestly, if we were married with a child, I would not even consider leaving him. The child's welfare and upbringing matters most to me.
I was unfortunate enough to mistakenly google my bf's username instead while trying to go to his facebook profile page... and found his name and contact number on sites listing him as "client" and what activities he's interested in... Although he says he has mended his ways, but we're not married yet. We have been talking about marriage and because of the knowledge that he was once like this.. I am still hesitant to settle down with him. Sigh. It's a good thing I am still in my early 20s, so marriage is not too much a pressing issue..
and honestly, if we were married with a child, I would not even consider leaving him. The child's welfare and upbringing matters most to me.
cangeline
Member
Yes Joanne, there are programs like that but programs of such will sometimes allow the husband to find out.
Yes, i am still stuck with him is because i have a child to consider. But sometimes it is good to know the truth at least in your heart you know the options you have.
Sad to say, guys are all ever changing. Today he can be a super good husband and you never know when he will suddenly turn into a super jerk. They are ego fellow that sometimes easily influence by others by a challenge or sweet talks.
Yes, i am still stuck with him is because i have a child to consider. But sometimes it is good to know the truth at least in your heart you know the options you have.
Sad to say, guys are all ever changing. Today he can be a super good husband and you never know when he will suddenly turn into a super jerk. They are ego fellow that sometimes easily influence by others by a challenge or sweet talks.
Hi Angeline, I am really proud of you to know you'd still be with him for your child.
I agree with you. Men can lie right through their teeth...
Actually, for me, I believe men also like to be "flirted with" like "sha jiao"... irregardless of the women's age (unless old ah ma... then different story)
But from what I've learned from some successful married couples is that hubby's will still feel his heart stirring when wife flirts with them. Just like wife will feel touched when hubby takes her on dates, gives surprises, etc.
Actually, to make a marriage work, really needs both couple to WANT to make it work, and to remember the child(ren) involved....
I agree with you. Men can lie right through their teeth...
Actually, for me, I believe men also like to be "flirted with" like "sha jiao"... irregardless of the women's age (unless old ah ma... then different story)
But from what I've learned from some successful married couples is that hubby's will still feel his heart stirring when wife flirts with them. Just like wife will feel touched when hubby takes her on dates, gives surprises, etc.
Actually, to make a marriage work, really needs both couple to WANT to make it work, and to remember the child(ren) involved....
Ladies
For me, I am living in denial, rather choose to do so. Cause seriously if I really go and "dig" the truth out, I don't know what shall I do, what can I do.
It's easy to say divorce, kick up a big fuss etc etc. But ultimately, what do you want to achieve?
To be honest, this is what a counsellor once told me, ladies always use the "excuse" to turn a blind eye on their HB infidelity by saying its for the child's sake. Truth is, there is toooooo much fear inside them, they are torn, and in doubt, nobody to turn to etc, that they chose the more painful route in staying put.
Honestly, you will not be happy, and the child sense it. Father and mother bu lian xin, the child will still suffer.
So, the intention of me starting a thread on SBF and LBF is to see what can be done to stop these website to be so blatantly accessible, maybe a support group for women who are in pain/hurt when their HB are f**** around.
Yes, it may sound ambitious to so-call ban such unhealthy forums, we can never eliminate pornography on the website, its all about demand and supply, but if something of such nature is happening in our backyard, shouldn't we do something about it instead of ranting, whining, felt unjustified, resentment, anger, all the emotions you can come up with.
It's true that IDA has no control over these forums as they are registered overseas, but I am sure, that if such forums have local numbers link to pimps and prostitutes shouting "come call me, use my service" does this not constitute, pimping and sexual service by unlicenced prostitutes?
Think about it. I think most of you may think I am crazy trying to act heroic, save the world, BS ...
But that's my take. If not, just live with it in misery, and continue to let the men f*** around.
For me, I am living in denial, rather choose to do so. Cause seriously if I really go and "dig" the truth out, I don't know what shall I do, what can I do.
It's easy to say divorce, kick up a big fuss etc etc. But ultimately, what do you want to achieve?
To be honest, this is what a counsellor once told me, ladies always use the "excuse" to turn a blind eye on their HB infidelity by saying its for the child's sake. Truth is, there is toooooo much fear inside them, they are torn, and in doubt, nobody to turn to etc, that they chose the more painful route in staying put.
Honestly, you will not be happy, and the child sense it. Father and mother bu lian xin, the child will still suffer.
So, the intention of me starting a thread on SBF and LBF is to see what can be done to stop these website to be so blatantly accessible, maybe a support group for women who are in pain/hurt when their HB are f**** around.
Yes, it may sound ambitious to so-call ban such unhealthy forums, we can never eliminate pornography on the website, its all about demand and supply, but if something of such nature is happening in our backyard, shouldn't we do something about it instead of ranting, whining, felt unjustified, resentment, anger, all the emotions you can come up with.
It's true that IDA has no control over these forums as they are registered overseas, but I am sure, that if such forums have local numbers link to pimps and prostitutes shouting "come call me, use my service" does this not constitute, pimping and sexual service by unlicenced prostitutes?
Think about it. I think most of you may think I am crazy trying to act heroic, save the world, BS ...
But that's my take. If not, just live with it in misery, and continue to let the men f*** around.
Hi everyone! I'm new to the forum n hv been reading the threads.
I'm going thru a very rough time. Just found out my hb visited prostitutes and found China gf photos, although he denied nothing happened. He's a frequent porn website visitor and of course one thing leads to another plus hanging out w ferns who are mostly singles! The list just went on. Finally when the tru is out and confessed. I now still find other websites tt he joined. I guessed a lot of things tt he didn't dare to tell me. To even sending his drinking women frens home (found hair in passenger seat of my car).
Two weeks back I tested the waters n told him he can hv a drink w his 'buddies', I found a sexy young girl pic on his mobile. It's really old habit die hard, how to tell if he's sincere in his actions?!
I'm going to see a marriage counsellor next week, hopefully I can get him to see a sex therapist to be accessed n for me to find out if this marriage is worth to be savaged.
These 4 months have been so torturous, having to juggle w 2 kids, his parents and now this!
After 18 years of marriage and the hardship we weathered, it's all nothing now.
I'm going thru a very rough time. Just found out my hb visited prostitutes and found China gf photos, although he denied nothing happened. He's a frequent porn website visitor and of course one thing leads to another plus hanging out w ferns who are mostly singles! The list just went on. Finally when the tru is out and confessed. I now still find other websites tt he joined. I guessed a lot of things tt he didn't dare to tell me. To even sending his drinking women frens home (found hair in passenger seat of my car).
Two weeks back I tested the waters n told him he can hv a drink w his 'buddies', I found a sexy young girl pic on his mobile. It's really old habit die hard, how to tell if he's sincere in his actions?!
I'm going to see a marriage counsellor next week, hopefully I can get him to see a sex therapist to be accessed n for me to find out if this marriage is worth to be savaged.
These 4 months have been so torturous, having to juggle w 2 kids, his parents and now this!
After 18 years of marriage and the hardship we weathered, it's all nothing now.
I hv been to marriage counsellor before, but they can't offer very good advice. It all depends very much on yourself, what u want ultimately.
If u wana suck it up for your kids, r u happy? Is this what u want for yourself? When your kids grow up, u will be all alone, will u hate yourself more?
Way too many women thought that they are doing this for their kids, self sacrificial ... but truth is, its self-destruction.
Many women forgotten to take care of themselves, forgotten their truth self after getting married, after having kids. And when their husband betray them, they felt lost n cling on their kids like a safety buoy.
There is always hope. And perhaps taking care of yourself firstrather than putting your family first will be the first step to healing. You hold a very important role in the family and many depend on you so you would need to get back on track and be happy before everything else can fall into place. It's not about being selfish but about nurturing yourself.
If u wana suck it up for your kids, r u happy? Is this what u want for yourself? When your kids grow up, u will be all alone, will u hate yourself more?
Way too many women thought that they are doing this for their kids, self sacrificial ... but truth is, its self-destruction.
Many women forgotten to take care of themselves, forgotten their truth self after getting married, after having kids. And when their husband betray them, they felt lost n cling on their kids like a safety buoy.
There is always hope. And perhaps taking care of yourself firstrather than putting your family first will be the first step to healing. You hold a very important role in the family and many depend on you so you would need to get back on track and be happy before everything else can fall into place. It's not about being selfish but about nurturing yourself.
blur_ballerina
New Member
Angeline Chan - what website is that, that your hubby visited? Let's pool our knowledge together - we will be more "powerful" that way.
Magpie Tan - I empathise with you. A year ago, I was stressed and down. Because I debated long and hard as to whether to divorce or not. I opted for divorce finally. They won't change. And you have to constantly keep your tabs on them. It is tiring and unfair to yourself and to your kids. The kids won't be happy too, knowing the parents are not united, as one mummy said. I totally agree.
Magpie Tan - I empathise with you. A year ago, I was stressed and down. Because I debated long and hard as to whether to divorce or not. I opted for divorce finally. They won't change. And you have to constantly keep your tabs on them. It is tiring and unfair to yourself and to your kids. The kids won't be happy too, knowing the parents are not united, as one mummy said. I totally agree.
until today, im still living in denial cause i do not know what will be the best way out.
i try to nurture self-love, learn to live for myself, do what a wife gotta do, be a good mother
if one fine day when d truth is out. i think i can make a fair decision. leave with no regrets, head held high. i hv d confidence that i will not be d one who suffer.
i try to nurture self-love, learn to live for myself, do what a wife gotta do, be a good mother
if one fine day when d truth is out. i think i can make a fair decision. leave with no regrets, head held high. i hv d confidence that i will not be d one who suffer.
msbean
Member
I agree with most of u this type of "dirty" forums should close down as it broken many many family .
For me I cant accept a ' banana spilt "(Share with other woman ) . Woman must work and independent so that one day we if touch wood anything happen we can support our own family .
I alway tell my husband , if you boring pls divorce dont stray ard and get disease to house . My husband say dont siao la why I go for a few min shiok and destory year of relationship and family bonding .
I hear from my guy colleague , nowsday even have those itchy mother out there some is single mother some is divorcee . Even can call my colleagues to meet up for one night stand as she have need . Look like we have new competivor prostitutes and MILF . I do some read out in sammy when I am free to learn to be more alert on man action .
Man cant been 100&% trusted for my mindset ,maybe I grow up from single parent so alway have this type of thinking .
For me I cant accept a ' banana spilt "(Share with other woman ) . Woman must work and independent so that one day we if touch wood anything happen we can support our own family .
I alway tell my husband , if you boring pls divorce dont stray ard and get disease to house . My husband say dont siao la why I go for a few min shiok and destory year of relationship and family bonding .
I hear from my guy colleague , nowsday even have those itchy mother out there some is single mother some is divorcee . Even can call my colleagues to meet up for one night stand as she have need . Look like we have new competivor prostitutes and MILF . I do some read out in sammy when I am free to learn to be more alert on man action .
Man cant been 100&% trusted for my mindset ,maybe I grow up from single parent so alway have this type of thinking .
Realistically, I do not think any measures can eliminate the sleazy forums.
However, my personal effort is to bring the sleaze to the surface to discuss openly, to make more women aware of such sleaze that is happening right in our backyard.
It actually shock me that many local women here have no idea of these forums.
However, my personal effort is to bring the sleaze to the surface to discuss openly, to make more women aware of such sleaze that is happening right in our backyard.
It actually shock me that many local women here have no idea of these forums.
khanlicker
New Member
Ehile I understand ur plight and the situation you're coming from.
However there's 2 cons in creating awareness.
1) Causing wives to become paranoid, resulting in women suffocating their husbands and creating unnecessary mental stress and mistrust on both parties.
2) If single guy is discovered accidentally to have visit such forum, he'll be stigmatized and thus, denying him the opportunities to find a potential a date, let alone gf.
However there's 2 cons in creating awareness.
1) Causing wives to become paranoid, resulting in women suffocating their husbands and creating unnecessary mental stress and mistrust on both parties.
2) If single guy is discovered accidentally to have visit such forum, he'll be stigmatized and thus, denying him the opportunities to find a potential a date, let alone gf.
wendy_reborn
Active Member
i disagree with u
1)if the man have no intention, why does he need to visit the sites.
2)it better for any potential gf or wife to know that the bf visit these sites, instead finding out too late after committing tothe relationship.`
1)if the man have no intention, why does he need to visit the sites.
2)it better for any potential gf or wife to know that the bf visit these sites, instead finding out too late after committing tothe relationship.`
desparate_wife
Active Member
klandlicker, u are a man, if there are these kind of websites for women and u discovered your wife visiting it, what will u think, what is your action
moorspa7
Member
Khanlicker
Why would there be disadvantages in creating awareness on these sleazy forums? Isn't it gd to be aware than ignorant ? Do you expect us women to be so ignorant in this century when information can be shared in the forum? Probably you hv not been be betrayed before, that's why you can say such words.
If wives/girlfriends are aware of all this, a lot of problems can be prevented by simply stopping the husband/boyfriend from getting involved in affairs and prostitution, or worse addiction. It is better to catch them early than later, in order to save the mariage/relationship. I don't see anything wrong with gaining more knowledge. Btw, most wives trust in their husbands 101% until they discovered they are betrayed, that's when the mistrust starts.
Why would there be disadvantages in creating awareness on these sleazy forums? Isn't it gd to be aware than ignorant ? Do you expect us women to be so ignorant in this century when information can be shared in the forum? Probably you hv not been be betrayed before, that's why you can say such words.
If wives/girlfriends are aware of all this, a lot of problems can be prevented by simply stopping the husband/boyfriend from getting involved in affairs and prostitution, or worse addiction. It is better to catch them early than later, in order to save the mariage/relationship. I don't see anything wrong with gaining more knowledge. Btw, most wives trust in their husbands 101% until they discovered they are betrayed, that's when the mistrust starts.
Moorspa, K licker is a man. Unless his wife betrays him, ie, if he is married.
Licker, you should see it positively.
1) If all women are made aware of such websites then they will feel threaten and ensure that they are always ready for sex and make themselves sexually more appealing to their men so that they will not stray. That is what you have said earlier that married men stray cause their wives don't how to dress up, maintain themselves to be sexually delicious to their men. Also, many women always reject their husbands sexual advances that the men have to seek alternative pleasures outside. So good to have wake-up call for these wifeys, right or not? : )))
2) Every woman have a right to know what their men have been doing so that they can be assured that they are free from HIV/AIDS and STDs. If their BF once screw around with unlicenced prostitutues then the girls have the right to have their men check. And what is wrong with that?
It's true that men cannot resist temptations, but if they decided to settle down with a girl and have unprotective sex with her, it's only right to have himself checked or have the girl know what he was doing previously.
Licker, you should see it positively.
1) If all women are made aware of such websites then they will feel threaten and ensure that they are always ready for sex and make themselves sexually more appealing to their men so that they will not stray. That is what you have said earlier that married men stray cause their wives don't how to dress up, maintain themselves to be sexually delicious to their men. Also, many women always reject their husbands sexual advances that the men have to seek alternative pleasures outside. So good to have wake-up call for these wifeys, right or not? : )))
2) Every woman have a right to know what their men have been doing so that they can be assured that they are free from HIV/AIDS and STDs. If their BF once screw around with unlicenced prostitutues then the girls have the right to have their men check. And what is wrong with that?
It's true that men cannot resist temptations, but if they decided to settle down with a girl and have unprotective sex with her, it's only right to have himself checked or have the girl know what he was doing previously.
So, let's brainstorm how we could bring these sleazy websites to the surface.
Licker, don't worry. There are still prostitutes around, our local government did not ban prostitution in Singapore. Those walkers in Geylang need to be licensed, so they have to go for regular health checks to see if they have contracted STDs or HIV. Also, no pimping is allowed in Singapore. This is to ensure that the prostitutes are well-taken care of.
Also, men will no longer run the risk of having sex with a minor or prostitute who is under-age, like those who are caught for visiting an online prostitution syndicate ring.
This will also save their family from shame, disgrace and emotional scarrings.
Pity those children of the men who visit non-licensed prostitutes and got caught, ok.
Licker, don't worry. There are still prostitutes around, our local government did not ban prostitution in Singapore. Those walkers in Geylang need to be licensed, so they have to go for regular health checks to see if they have contracted STDs or HIV. Also, no pimping is allowed in Singapore. This is to ensure that the prostitutes are well-taken care of.
Also, men will no longer run the risk of having sex with a minor or prostitute who is under-age, like those who are caught for visiting an online prostitution syndicate ring.
This will also save their family from shame, disgrace and emotional scarrings.
Pity those children of the men who visit non-licensed prostitutes and got caught, ok.
