Fiance has been visiting prostitute because of ED

joybundle

New Member
Hi ladies,
i hope to get some advice from the wise and experienced ladies here.

i try to summarized what has happened:
i have been with my partner for 6 years, engaged for 3 years.
5 years ago, i discover that my partner has problem maintaining and erection several times and we were never able to complete the deed.
i have encouraged him to see doctor to check if it's physical problem or couple counselling if it's some kind of mental stress, i was willing to accompany to solve the problem. however, he went to see 2 GPs on his own and they were quite dismissive as he was only 26 y/o when it started. the doctors simply prescribed him viagra and told him he's still young so most likely it's mental.

in the 2nd year of being together i tried to speak to him a few times regarding the intimacy problem and that it could lead to bigger problem if he does not try to solve it together. he always apologized but no action from him. i felt v sad, so i keep telling myself to give him time and space and not pressure him. so we actually led a life together without sex for the next 5 years. it's unbelievable but we actually love each other and connected well. he even proposed to me in our 3rd year of relationship.

however, i recently found out a lot of his dark secrets by accident.
i have out he has been having an affair with prostitute. i will skip the drama and summarize what he has claimed so far after a lot of pushing from me for him to tell the truth.
his current stand is that he wants to 'fixed' the relationship.
these are what he shared so far which may not be the full truth:
- he tried taking viagra without me knowing in 2nd year with me but he always get strong headache from viagra. he felt hopeless and DIY for 3rd year and realized he doesn't get headache from viagra anymore.
- he visited his first prostitute in 4th year of our relationship because he really wanted to find out whether he has any physical problem, he took viagra and his first time did not go entirely smooth, he did not actually has erection easily and also still couldnt maintain erection well.
- after that he did not have the courage to try with me because he felt he was dirty and he feels stressed and awkward with me.
- he then visited more prostitutes after that for next 3 years but every single time he took viagra. he concluded himself he may actually really have some physically limitation because he may not always be able to do it even with viagra. he says he more he do it, the more he feels dirty.
- his most recent prostitute turned into a full blown affair, he gave her quite abit of money in a period of around 2 or 3 months. amount to around $3K, he said that she has a sick mother(again, this may be cooked up by him or by the prostitute.) we are only 30 this year, he started having this problem at 26.
- he has a lot of pressure when it comes to slping with me because i am the only one who knows of his ED problem and being egoistic he cannot accept that. i have never told until of his ED for the past 5 years because i wanted to protect him.
- i am super heartbroken and hurt because we have been trying to save for house and knowing he spends money of prostitute i have a lot a lot of hurt and anger in me. i have asked him to be transparent about his transaction and show me his statements and bills but he only wants to tell me how much he has spends and he keeps saying he has nothing to hide but he cannot show me his statement.

it's v clear there are more things he is hiding, i actually feel very lost and i have never been so sad before in my life. i really do feel that my life has collapsed because i really see him as my soulmate and tolerated with a sexless relationship just to hoping that we would fix it someday. i am someone with nromal or above average libodo, so im not someone who is not interested in sex at all.

i feel like i have wasted 6 years of my life with him. i have found this out for 2 months plus and i still have a lot of pent up anger in me. i feel a strong sense of injustice and unfairness. i just happened to read article on illegal online prostitution in singapore and it occurred to me that the prostitutes he visited are illegal. i have thoughts of reporting this prostitute to the police. i have her name and her mobile number. can i or should i do that?

i understand fully this will not solve my relationship problem but i honestly think this will make me lessen my anger. regarding dealing with my relationship, i am just observing what he does to try to 'fixed' but on my end i am slowly withdrawing from the relationship since he cannot be fully transparent.

what would you advise me to do?
 

Wild_Boar

New Member
Hi ladies,
i hope to get some advice from the wise and experienced ladies here.

i try to summarized what has happened:
i have been with my partner for 6 years, engaged for 3 years.
5 years ago, i discover that my partner has problem maintaining and erection several times and we were never able to complete the deed.
i have encouraged him to see doctor to check if it's physical problem or couple counselling if it's some kind of mental stress, i was willing to accompany to solve the problem. however, he went to see 2 GPs on his own and they were quite dismissive as he was only 26 y/o when it started. the doctors simply prescribed him viagra and told him he's still young so most likely it's mental.

in the 2nd year of being together i tried to speak to him a few times regarding the intimacy problem and that it could lead to bigger problem if he does not try to solve it together. he always apologized but no action from him. i felt v sad, so i keep telling myself to give him time and space and not pressure him. so we actually led a life together without sex for the next 5 years. it's unbelievable but we actually love each other and connected well. he even proposed to me in our 3rd year of relationship.

however, i recently found out a lot of his dark secrets by accident.
i have out he has been having an affair with prostitute. i will skip the drama and summarize what he has claimed so far after a lot of pushing from me for him to tell the truth.
his current stand is that he wants to 'fixed' the relationship.
these are what he shared so far which may not be the full truth:
- he tried taking viagra without me knowing in 2nd year with me but he always get strong headache from viagra. he felt hopeless and DIY for 3rd year and realized he doesn't get headache from viagra anymore.
- he visited his first prostitute in 4th year of our relationship because he really wanted to find out whether he has any physical problem, he took viagra and his first time did not go entirely smooth, he did not actually has erection easily and also still couldnt maintain erection well.
- after that he did not have the courage to try with me because he felt he was dirty and he feels stressed and awkward with me.
- he then visited more prostitutes after that for next 3 years but every single time he took viagra. he concluded himself he may actually really have some physically limitation because he may not always be able to do it even with viagra. he says he more he do it, the more he feels dirty.
- his most recent prostitute turned into a full blown affair, he gave her quite abit of money in a period of around 2 or 3 months. amount to around $3K, he said that she has a sick mother(again, this may be cooked up by him or by the prostitute.) we are only 30 this year, he started having this problem at 26.
- he has a lot of pressure when it comes to slping with me because i am the only one who knows of his ED problem and being egoistic he cannot accept that. i have never told until of his ED for the past 5 years because i wanted to protect him.
- i am super heartbroken and hurt because we have been trying to save for house and knowing he spends money of prostitute i have a lot a lot of hurt and anger in me. i have asked him to be transparent about his transaction and show me his statements and bills but he only wants to tell me how much he has spends and he keeps saying he has nothing to hide but he cannot show me his statement.

it's v clear there are more things he is hiding, i actually feel very lost and i have never been so sad before in my life. i really do feel that my life has collapsed because i really see him as my soulmate and tolerated with a sexless relationship just to hoping that we would fix it someday. i am someone with nromal or above average libodo, so im not someone who is not interested in sex at all.

i feel like i have wasted 6 years of my life with him. i have found this out for 2 months plus and i still have a lot of pent up anger in me. i feel a strong sense of injustice and unfairness. i just happened to read article on illegal online prostitution in singapore and it occurred to me that the prostitutes he visited are illegal. i have thoughts of reporting this prostitute to the police. i have her name and her mobile number. can i or should i do that?

i understand fully this will not solve my relationship problem but i honestly think this will make me lessen my anger. regarding dealing with my relationship, i am just observing what he does to try to 'fixed' but on my end i am slowly withdrawing from the relationship since he cannot be fully transparent.

what would you advise me to do?
Im really sorry that such things have to happen to you. I do feel angry for you, that you had wasted 6 years of your youth; but i think this is also blessing in disguise.

1) Age 30 though not young, is neither old. You can still find a decent pool of very capable and good quality man at this age.

2) If he felt dirty yet continued to seek services of prostitutes (illegal ones somemore), i felt he is not giving you the due respect. Instead of tackling the problem, he is merely running away from it. There will be much more problems in the next 30, 40, 50, 60 years, do you really want to be with someone who is not a REAL man? (Both meanings intended if you get it)

3) He could be at higher risk of STDs by engaging services of prostitutes and could cross contaminate you. To whom can you cry foul in the future?

4) I believe (and hopefully) you are not legally married yet and no kids right? Breaking up sounded so much better than divorced and cleaner and quicker breaks is possible.

Though honestly there are more divorce cases nowadays so its not a big issue once you come to terms with the fact.

5) I would say many women (before the menopause age) would have sexual desires. This is normal and how our body is being build - our hormones during fertile window is getting ready for baby making. A (total) lack of satisfactory sex is not healthy, physically and mentally.

The list could just go on. You are slowly withdrawing so actually you ready have an answer. Good luck and all the best.
 

joybundle

New Member
Hi wild boar.

Thanks for the advice, I really appreciate it.

My fiancé in general is a loving man towards me. Anyone who know us actually know are as loving couple and he dotes on me quite a lot for past 6 years. We actually went through quite a lot to be together in the past. We actually have a lot of gd times and memories together. In fact, I would say we are happier than average couple. So really imagine my shock when I discover his dark secrets for past 3 years. I have always been a very trusting to him and I never ever snoop around his things. To be honest, I have problem really accepting that all this has happened to me. I always think that if he feels that he cannot fix the sex issues with me he really should have broken up with me last time. Every time I think about the good memories, the cheating and affair, I cannot describe how heartbroken I am. So much so that I really wish I can delete my memory.

Yes, it seems like he likes to avoid problem. He feels like talking to me about ED will lead to an argument and breakup. I pointed out to him that talking about a problem is not arguing, arguing is really when both of us are shouting and not listening to each other. But to him, talking about the ED previously was a major nono.
I really don’t understand why he has to blow up a small problem and make things so complicated. It would have been a lot simpler if he just try to treat ED with doctor or see counsellor if it’s a mental thing in the past.

I don’t know how to deal my hurt, anger and disappointment and I’m trying my best. :.(
 

Drain

Member
He aren't impotent, why will Doc prescribe him with Viagra?
According to doc, Viagra is only for those with impotent issue. ie: Unable to 'stand'
If he's due to ED, or unable to maintain erection for long (unsure how 'long' though), he shouldn't be on viagra...
I suspected he's been diy alot in the past, which resulted this issue. Reason being I have friends whom diy alot since young, and resulted in unable to 'stand for long' or some, PE (Premature Ejaculation).
Does he exercise regularly? Is he stress at work or what? Perhaps going for a holiday may help?
I think due to his ego, he seek prostitute. The main is, what you plan/tend to do?
Loving him is one thing. But can you take it that he went for prostitute? Are you still be able to be with him? He's having high risk of having STDs too, since he have multiple partner...
You both are still young. I think as what Wild_Boar mentioned, you can still find a decent pool of very capable and good quality man at this age.
 

missyminyi

New Member
Don't even waste another year of your life.
You have done enough for this relationship. Youth is very limited.
Two of you may have really good & happy memories over these 6 years but with hidden secrets behind.
And I really can't find a single tiny reason that you should forgive him, especially with his explanation for his actions i.e. helps on the ED problem by visiting prostitute.

In any case, whether he can or how he stand / swim / dive, it's not the main issue at this junction. Put this issue aside for now.
Ask yourselves what are you looking for the next few years?

It's gonna be hurt to leave him but ultimately, this hurt will fade away.

If you choose to stay, I'm pretty sure that all these bad memories will stay and hurt you periodically.
 

KelGen

Member
Dear TS,

I agreed with the rest. There's no point in continuing with him. He's already like that for the past few years. Meaning it's becoming a form of addiction already. Those are just excuses he gave to hide himself from the guilt, some sort of reason to come out with, to make himself feel better.

You are still young, and seriously, having multiple partner, there's very high risk of having STD, even with protection. Moreover, he went for those illegal one. It's more of high risk. Break up and let go. I believe you will find someone much more better than him. It will take time to heal, but I rather you let go and pain for now, than to pain in the future. What if he got STD? and pass on to you, or even your kids? You will never know...
 

Wild_Boar

New Member
Hi Joybundle again,

I agree with others that you should move on from this relationship.

1) After trust is lost, do you think you can wholeheartedly trust him 100% in the future?

2) It took you three years to discover his dark secrets, could it be that he was good at covering his tracks or you simply didn't know him enough to even suspect anything amiss? Either way, theres a chance that those happy memories are merely skin deep, tactics used by guys when they court girls.

3) Don't be constrained within the appearance of a "loving" couples in eyes of others. Having no arguments (since he avoid the issues) doesn't mean theres no problems in this relationship. Have you discussed other more serious topics with him, say in laws (especially if there are disputes), houses, finances, kids, etc?

I cant guarantee that your next guy will be better than him (you'd need to open your eyes big big) but i can tell you that a marriage can be a total different creature from dating days. And having a guy whom you can trust, love and make love, and depend wholeheartedly is crucial to make your remaining 60-70 years a joyful one.

Ultimately its your life, and you dictate how you want your future life to be. Wishes you luck and courage.
 

Wild_Boar

New Member
Side track: honestly if i were you, my priority would be getting away from him. His affair with the prostitute could divert some of his attention and this could make your break easier as he already has another "soulmate" that knows of his condition and could "confide" in her.

No point getting your hands dirty with the prostitute. Law or nature (STDs or HIVs) would take care her someday one day, if she venture far enough.
 

joybundle

New Member
He aren't impotent, why will Doc prescribe him with Viagra?
According to doc, Viagra is only for those with impotent issue. ie: Unable to 'stand'
If he's due to ED, or unable to maintain erection for long (unsure how 'long' though), he shouldn't be on viagra...
I suspected he's been diy alot in the past, which resulted this issue. Reason being I have friends whom diy alot since young, and resulted in unable to 'stand for long' or some, PE (Premature Ejaculation).
Does he exercise regularly? Is he stress at work or what? Perhaps going for a holiday may help?
I think due to his ego, he seek prostitute. The main is, what you plan/tend to do?
Loving him is one thing. But can you take it that he went for prostitute? Are you still be able to be with him? He's having high risk of having STDs too, since he have multiple partner...
You both are still young. I think as what Wild_Boar mentioned, you can still find a decent pool of very capable and good quality man at this age.
Hi Drain, thanks for your comment.
He said that when he visited GPs 5 years ago, they only ask him if he can get hard when he pee in the morning. he said he can and they just said he is still young, probably mental barrier and prescribe him viagra.
we have gone for a few sessions with counsellor too and the counsellor also mentioned it might be because he watched too much porn in the past and DIY too much.
he does not exercise regularly and his physical fitness is below average. he also has hyperthyroid. he is unable to have sex during holiday too because he usually feels tired after travelling around. when we were able to have sex in first year of our relationship, he often becomes very tired after sex and would say he's very tired after sex(not because he does not want it, he is always interested but he does not have the stamina to do it often). he does not have stamina of an average man.
yes, i guess part of the reason why he seek prostitute is also because they dont know him and if dont ever need to see them again. also he says its just transactional no feelings involved, he just needs to fulfill his physical needs. except the recent freelance prostitute which he also has some feelings for. this really breaks my heart. i honestly don't know what to do but i do know that i am slowly withdrawing from him. i'll be very honest that i have nightmare about him sleeping with prostitute at night. in the first 2 weeks when i first found out, i suffered from post traumatic stress disorder, kept getting nausea, diarrhea, anxiety attack. it was really bad. there were many times i thought of him sleeping with prostitutes and i literally feel so disgusted that i almost throw up.
next week we are going for STD and HIV check up.

because we have not been sleeping together for past few years, i have also formed my mental barrier. it is very strange i love him and connect with him emotionally but i stopped seeing him as sexual partner since several years ago.

it may sound silly but i only truly feel that he is not a man after what he has done. i wouldnt have thought of him as 'not a man' previously but i do feel that he is not a man and a coward after i discovered his secrets.

i think the whole incident has impacted in a very major and abnormal way. i have been having strong urge to just sleep with somebody perhaps because i have been repressing by sexual desire for very long or perhaps i really want to sleep with other people for 'revenge'. the only reason why i did not sleep with other people for past few years is only because i love and respect my partner a lot and i am also someone with very high moral standard. i know that i have above average looking and perhaps it doesnt help me knowing that i can easily find someone to sleep with me. i do not like this side of myself which has kinda arises recently. i have trying not to do things which i will regret.
 

joybundle

New Member
Don't even waste another year of your life.
You have done enough for this relationship. Youth is very limited.
Two of you may have really good & happy memories over these 6 years but with hidden secrets behind.
And I really can't find a single tiny reason that you should forgive him, especially with his explanation for his actions i.e. helps on the ED problem by visiting prostitute.

In any case, whether he can or how he stand / swim / dive, it's not the main issue at this junction. Put this issue aside for now.
Ask yourselves what are you looking for the next few years?

It's gonna be hurt to leave him but ultimately, this hurt will fade away.

If you choose to stay, I'm pretty sure that all these bad memories will stay and hurt you periodically.
i feel like i need to put in 150% just to live like a normal person every single day. i always thought that if i have ever been cheated on i will leave immediately, never did i expect that the level of pain is insane and it's so hard to pick up the courage to just walk away. i am so traumatized that such a loving and doting boyfriend could turned out like that. i feel that i don't know what i can hold on to anymore. :.(
 

Wild_Boar

New Member
Hugs. It only human to think of revenge, but who will eventually suffer the consequence of "sleeping with anyone" out of revenge? Only you. Females will always be at the losing end, esp if we accidentally became pregnant out of marriage.

Are you close with your parents? Are you able to confide in your parents, especially since your partner is not merely a bf but a fiancé? You may want to keep them informed of your decision, before he plays victim in front of your parents and make you the "heartless" party.
 

Mongkok

Active Member
As a young person, full of opportunity, u don't need to 'cheapen' yourself to pacify the anger in u.

He is facing expectation when slping w u. But like u mentioned, the pros won't judge him nor they will even remember him as someone who can't do it.

As mentioned, he started as verifying whether it's your problm (don't stimulate enough) or his. Apparently, he found the answer. The last pros jus happens to click w him. That's how he end up giving her $.

I would suggest u ask yourself whether u foresee yourself being w someone w this issue. If yes, then sit down w him and discuss how u guys should face this together. Constant pros visit will threaten your physical health.

Also, he (frequent pros visit) may be already on the path if no return. Hence pls monitor. If so, it would be advisable to leave him alone.

The path (to weather this w him) may or may not be futile. Hence pls weight the consequences of your choice.
 

fleurem

Member
Hello joybundle, I suggest you move on without him. I have been cheated by my BF before as well. I gave him a second chance, we got married. Now he is cheating on me again. Some people just don't deserve the second chance. Similar to you, I "wasted" 8 years of my life with my husband (soon to be ex). I am not sure if you are feeling the same as me because I am afraid of moving on initially also. Because we spent so much happy times together and we invested all our youth in this relationship. I am 28 this year and I am afraid of not being able to find another man. But you know what? Being alone is better than being with someone who you cannot trust. You think about it everyday. You wonder if they are doing anything behind your back. It is destroying your mental health. Don't!

If he feels dirty after the first time then why is he still going back for more? When people tell lies, there's no logic in what they say at all.

Going through annulment and divorce would be even more draining than what you are going through now. I hope you don't go through that. I strongly believe it should always be the couple against the world. Meaning you should always be the first person he approach when there are problems. No relationships should tolerate a third party. They won't be of any help, instead they will add on to the problem. Clearly he don't trust you enough or have enough faith in you to solve this together with him. I see it as his ego and pride is more important than the relationship.

I know how you feel about PTSD because I too have gone through that when my hubby told me out of the blue one day he wanted to divorce. (I lost 4kg in 1.5 weeks) But you will get better. You should. You must. Not for him, not for anyone, it's for yourself.

Throw that revenge thought away, you will regret it if you ever find another man. You will feel dirty just like your BF. I've also been through that in my youth days. It's not worth it to "stain" yourself because of him. Love yourself more than you love him. Love yourself first. At the end of the day, only you can help yourself. I am still learning too and I know it is difficult, but we must try. If you are strong enough to endure all these, why not convert them to the strength to move on?

Never let an old flame burn you twice. Yes you may be heartbroken but this episode should fix your eyes as to what kind of man he is.

Stay strong!
 

Drain

Member
Hi Drain, thanks for your comment.
He said that when he visited GPs 5 years ago, they only ask him if he can get hard when he pee in the morning. he said he can and they just said he is still young, probably mental barrier and prescribe him viagra.
we have gone for a few sessions with counsellor too and the counsellor also mentioned it might be because he watched too much porn in the past and DIY too much.
he does not exercise regularly and his physical fitness is below average. he also has hyperthyroid. he is unable to have sex during holiday too because he usually feels tired after travelling around. when we were able to have sex in first year of our relationship, he often becomes very tired after sex and would say he's very tired after sex(not because he does not want it, he is always interested but he does not have the stamina to do it often). he does not have stamina of an average man.
yes, i guess part of the reason why he seek prostitute is also because they dont know him and if dont ever need to see them again. also he says its just transactional no feelings involved, he just needs to fulfill his physical needs. except the recent freelance prostitute which he also has some feelings for. this really breaks my heart. i honestly don't know what to do but i do know that i am slowly withdrawing from him. i'll be very honest that i have nightmare about him sleeping with prostitute at night. in the first 2 weeks when i first found out, i suffered from post traumatic stress disorder, kept getting nausea, diarrhea, anxiety attack. it was really bad. there were many times i thought of him sleeping with prostitutes and i literally feel so disgusted that i almost throw up.
next week we are going for STD and HIV check up.

because we have not been sleeping together for past few years, i have also formed my mental barrier. it is very strange i love him and connect with him emotionally but i stopped seeing him as sexual partner since several years ago.

it may sound silly but i only truly feel that he is not a man after what he has done. i wouldnt have thought of him as 'not a man' previously but i do feel that he is not a man and a coward after i discovered his secrets.

i think the whole incident has impacted in a very major and abnormal way. i have been having strong urge to just sleep with somebody perhaps because i have been repressing by sexual desire for very long or perhaps i really want to sleep with other people for 'revenge'. the only reason why i did not sleep with other people for past few years is only because i love and respect my partner a lot and i am also someone with very high moral standard. i know that i have above average looking and perhaps it doesnt help me knowing that i can easily find someone to sleep with me. i do not like this side of myself which has kinda arises recently. i have trying not to do things which i will regret.
What a weird question of a doctor will ask. Frankly speaking, I believe most men won't get hard when pee in the morning. More of like get hard when wake up in the morning...

It's just excuses from him la. He will get tired having sex with you. But won't get tired having sex with prostitute? What a joke!

Pls don't go for such 'revenge'. It's not worth it. Moreover even you are sleeping with another, how will he know? If he doesn't know, that's not revenge at all. Unless you bring the guy home, and have sex when he's around, and aware.
 

johntan68

Member
Hi ladies,
i hope to get some advice from the wise and experienced ladies here.

i try to summarized what has happened:
i have been with my partner for 6 years, engaged for 3 years.
5 years ago, i discover that my partner has problem maintaining and erection several times and we were never able to complete the deed.
i have encouraged him to see doctor to check if it's physical problem or couple counselling if it's some kind of mental stress, i was willing to accompany to solve the problem. however, he went to see 2 GPs on his own and they were quite dismissive as he was only 26 y/o when it started. the doctors simply prescribed him viagra and told him he's still young so most likely it's mental.

in the 2nd year of being together i tried to speak to him a few times regarding the intimacy problem and that it could lead to bigger problem if he does not try to solve it together. he always apologized but no action from him. i felt v sad, so i keep telling myself to give him time and space and not pressure him. so we actually led a life together without sex for the next 5 years. it's unbelievable but we actually love each other and connected well. he even proposed to me in our 3rd year of relationship.

however, i recently found out a lot of his dark secrets by accident.
i have out he has been having an affair with prostitute. i will skip the drama and summarize what he has claimed so far after a lot of pushing from me for him to tell the truth.
his current stand is that he wants to 'fixed' the relationship.
these are what he shared so far which may not be the full truth:
- he tried taking viagra without me knowing in 2nd year with me but he always get strong headache from viagra. he felt hopeless and DIY for 3rd year and realized he doesn't get headache from viagra anymore.
- he visited his first prostitute in 4th year of our relationship because he really wanted to find out whether he has any physical problem, he took viagra and his first time did not go entirely smooth, he did not actually has erection easily and also still couldnt maintain erection well.
- after that he did not have the courage to try with me because he felt he was dirty and he feels stressed and awkward with me.
- he then visited more prostitutes after that for next 3 years but every single time he took viagra. he concluded himself he may actually really have some physically limitation because he may not always be able to do it even with viagra. he says he more he do it, the more he feels dirty.
- his most recent prostitute turned into a full blown affair, he gave her quite abit of money in a period of around 2 or 3 months. amount to around $3K, he said that she has a sick mother(again, this may be cooked up by him or by the prostitute.) we are only 30 this year, he started having this problem at 26.
- he has a lot of pressure when it comes to slping with me because i am the only one who knows of his ED problem and being egoistic he cannot accept that. i have never told until of his ED for the past 5 years because i wanted to protect him.
- i am super heartbroken and hurt because we have been trying to save for house and knowing he spends money of prostitute i have a lot a lot of hurt and anger in me. i have asked him to be transparent about his transaction and show me his statements and bills but he only wants to tell me how much he has spends and he keeps saying he has nothing to hide but he cannot show me his statement.

it's v clear there are more things he is hiding, i actually feel very lost and i have never been so sad before in my life. i really do feel that my life has collapsed because i really see him as my soulmate and tolerated with a sexless relationship just to hoping that we would fix it someday. i am someone with nromal or above average libodo, so im not someone who is not interested in sex at all.

i feel like i have wasted 6 years of my life with him. i have found this out for 2 months plus and i still have a lot of pent up anger in me. i feel a strong sense of injustice and unfairness. i just happened to read article on illegal online prostitution in singapore and it occurred to me that the prostitutes he visited are illegal. i have thoughts of reporting this prostitute to the police. i have her name and her mobile number. can i or should i do that?

i understand fully this will not solve my relationship problem but i honestly think this will make me lessen my anger. regarding dealing with my relationship, i am just observing what he does to try to 'fixed' but on my end i am slowly withdrawing from the relationship since he cannot be fully transparent.

what would you advise me to do?
Hi Sis,

I will not touch base on what you should do with yr bf as many others have given you their opinions. At the end of the day, these are advises and you have to weight the pros and cons and make a decision that of beneificals to you.
However, i would want to touch base on your BF ED issue. I dont think frequent DIYs will result into ED, neither there are scientific evidence suggesting that. A sensible approach for your BF is actually to consult an Urologist of his issue and not visiting prostitutes. With right examinations, the urologist can tackle it and give him a proper treatment.

Whether or not he has any ED, there is a simple rule of thumb you can observe, does he "stand" in the morning? If yes, chances are, he has not much of an issue. However, one of the biggest issue could be he loss interest in having sex with you; perhaps watching too much porns or simply find that you are less attractive in bed etc...

Whatever the case, hope 2 of you can tackle it with the help of professionals.
 

missyminyi

New Member
Hi Sis,

I will not touch base on what you should do with yr bf as many others have given you their opinions. At the end of the day, these are advises and you have to weight the pros and cons and make a decision that of beneificals to you.
However, i would want to touch base on your BF ED issue. I dont think frequent DIYs will result into ED, neither there are scientific evidence suggesting that. A sensible approach for your BF is actually to consult an Urologist of his issue and not visiting prostitutes. With right examinations, the urologist can tackle it and give him a proper treatment.

Whether or not he has any ED, there is a simple rule of thumb you can observe, does he "stand" in the morning? If yes, chances are, he has not much of an issue. However, one of the biggest issue could be he loss interest in having sex with you; perhaps watching too much porns or simply find that you are less attractive in bed etc...

Whatever the case, hope 2 of you can tackle it with the help of professionals.
Oh my tian.. what is there to tackle? Either one of the possibilities does not cover the fact that he is having some sort of relationship with the other lady aka pros... with ED or not, this shall never be the reason for him to cheat. Whether the male ED or not is not important at this junction.
 

Drain

Member
Oh my tian.. what is there to tackle? Either one of the possibilities does not cover the fact that he is having some sort of relationship with the other lady aka pros... with ED or not, this shall never be the reason for him to cheat. Whether the male ED or not is not important at this junction.
Agreed. Coming to this stage, whether having ED or PA or whatever, it's not important at all anymore.
It's the fact that he's been visiting prostitute.
 

Romantique_1979

New Member
Dear TS, I am sorry to hear about your situation. If I may add, your bf's ED issues are just an excuse to have paid sex aka commercial sex. There are some men, who wants a loving wife at home for her company ( read between the lines, 'loving couples') and great exciting sex outside with a prostitute. Reasons why I can think he is super loving and nice to you is he wants to maintain this balance of having the best of both worlds, and also it helps to lessen his guilt. If both of you have not had sex for such a long time, despite your young age, I am afraid he has lost all interest of any physical intimate interaction with you, sad but true. His desire to 'stand and enjoy' sex has been outsourced to a 3rd party, and it will be very difficult to challenge the fact.

Move on, you are still young. All the best to you, in your decision.
 

joybundle

New Member
Dear TS, I am sorry to hear about your situation. If I may add, your bf's ED issues are just an excuse to have paid sex aka commercial sex. There are some men, who wants a loving wife at home for her company ( read between the lines, 'loving couples') and great exciting sex outside with a prostitute. Reasons why I can think he is super loving and nice to you is he wants to maintain this balance of having the best of both worlds, and also it helps to lessen his guilt. If both of you have not had sex for such a long time, despite your young age, I am afraid he has lost all interest of any physical intimate interaction with you, sad but true. His desire to 'stand and enjoy' sex has been outsourced to a 3rd party, and it will be very difficult to challenge the fact.

Move on, you are still young. All the best to you, in your decision.
Hi Romantique, thank you for your comment.

I think based on what I shared, most men think he is seeking excitement and providing and excuse on why prostitute. I can however quite easily share why this is not the case for my partner. I totally understand ‘keeping the loving wife home and exciting woman outside’ which a lot of bored man did. However this is very unlikely to be the case for me, reason being, I am outgoing, lively and playful person. Compared to me, my partner is actually the more dull person. He actually enjoys life a lot more and find more meaning in life after meeting me, he has repeatedly said this since beginning of our rs. He is in fact scared of a lot of things compared to me( scared of ghosts, snakes, height, roller coasters etc) and he also has a lot of health conditions (hyperthyroid, super sensitive stomach, he gets stomachache very often like at least once a week, so much so i was worried that he had some kinda stomach cancer, below average stamina, feels tired very easily, gets heaty and sore throat often like once a wk or so) so for someone of such profile, it’s perhaps really not tt surprising he has ED? He does not have the courage to try sex without viagra, even with viagra, he may not stand or last. (even with prostitutes) He has also say himself he is super embarrassed and really has fear of visiting urologist until now. I believe his ED is a component of physical limitation and mental limitation. he has also repeatedly said that he is super scared to address his ED issue with me because he is so afraid that our relationship will end because of that. but i'm sure you and i both know we should never have ran away from the problem.

i love to try out new things, new food, new places, new activities together. and i have always been someone who believes that doing new things together keep the relationship and sparks alive. i am also interested and pretty well-versed in quite a few things which men may be interested in like cars, watches and games. did i let myself go over the years and become uglier? nope, i am an above average-looking, slim woman who also looks younger than my actual age. i love to dress up and have always maintain myself. i have a healthy libido but over the years i stop feeling the sexual attraction to my partner for the past few years especially after around 1 or 2 years of stop sleeping together. as i look back, i really do think i love him and connect with him well intellectually and emotionally. in fact one of the thing i love most about being together is how we joke together and at so many things and we can also engaged in very serious intellectual conversation. also, he dotes on me quite a lot since the beginning of relationship. i will be honest here, my partner is not the most masculine man around, he is short, he doesn't pleasure me much in bed, he is not strong (my dad in his 60s can lift heavier things than him), he has never been really physically fit before. he does not have a ugly face though, he is average or above average-looking. i also kinda gave up wearing heels for my partner because of his height(i am already petite and not tall). so with all these, i love him and always tell myself looks is one of the less important thing especially for a man. over the years, i fantasize about sex with other much more masculine and fitter man. i'm not really interested in sleeping with him but i love him and i love almost all other form of connection with him and all these years i really repress my sexual desire just so i can be a loyal faithful and committed partner. i love him for his intelligence, even though with the things he did, i'm really not sure if he's very smart. i think it makes sense to break up with me rather than cheat on me if he thinks we cannot be together. in fact now, i see him as not really a man, because his act of sleeping with prostitute seems very cowardly and gross to me. i do feel a sense relief now i feel that i can 'honour' and face my own sexuality and also imagine the the possibility of good and fun sex life again! maybe because i am woman, i think sex is very important but not the most important thing i look out for in a partner. i truly want to seek a meaningful and enriching life with my partner(may not be my current partner) i truly believe things like looks and sex are not forever, they are part of a good holistic life. you don't lay on your death wishing for sex and looks. you lay on deathbed thinking of the people you have truly loved in life and you will be grateful for that. :)

i guess previously if he had not feels sooo embarrassed by his problem and deal with it, things would have been simpler. now, it becomes his ED problem plus his questionable moral standard.
 
Dear Joybundle, I’m glad to see that you have analyzed your situation and come to terms with your feelings. Exiting the relationship and starting anew is not easy given the great amount of shared history you have with him and your feelings which have developed over the years for him. However, it is not fair of him to put you through such emotional turmoil and confusion and his refusal to work issues out with you.
 

margret

Active Member
honestly how much u understand him.
how many things he is keeping from you?
how long did he started to go for prostitute?
is viagra a truth treatment for his ED? or he is just using it to booast up his ego with prostitute?
we as 3rd party sometime see more than u
 

joybundle

New Member
Don't even waste another year of your life.
You have done enough for this relationship. Youth is very limited.
Two of you may have really good & happy memories over these 6 years but with hidden secrets behind.
And I really can't find a single tiny reason that you should forgive him, especially with his explanation for his actions i.e. helps on the ED problem by visiting prostitute.

In any case, whether he can or how he stand / swim / dive, it's not the main issue at this junction. Put this issue aside for now.
Ask yourselves what are you looking for the next few years?

It's gonna be hurt to leave him but ultimately, this hurt will fade away.

If you choose to stay, I'm pretty sure that all these bad memories will stay and hurt you periodically.
Hi missyminyi, thank you for your advice.

So his explanation was first time was to figure out whether there was anything wrong with him. Which isn’t totally conclusive. The rest was for his own physical needs.

What am I looking for? I am looking for someone who is sincere, who shares the same value as me, nice to me. Basically nothing far off from what most women will look for in a relationship.

Yes, it’s very very painful to leave a relationship with so many good memories. We do a lot of things together as couples. Literally almost everything I go, I can see memories of us there. Our lives are heavily intertwined. We have gone through so many ups and downs in our lives together. We encourage each other to be better over the years. Except that intimacy problem.

He has shared that he feels that I don’t love him because I have become more physically withdrawn towards him over the years and it’s something he’s afraid to address. I just feel that many things which will naturally lead to sex, I can’t do it with him because when the sex doesn’t happen we will stress us up again. So he actually asks me often if I love him. Now I looked back, I was nothing like that at the beginning of relationship, I was passionate and playful lover but him not addressing the problem over the years has formed a physical barrier. However, I think everything else we still connect. He mentioned that the moment we resolved the intimacy issue, he wants a marriage without hesitation. However, things are not that simple now, I have a problem with his moral, visiting prostitutes and affairs other than his health problem.

I agree with you the memories will haunt me. Especially if he doesn’t come clean with everything. I know I will never feel safe and secure if I settle down with a man who is clearly hiding things from me.

I’m sad that many of my friends who were happily attached like me are now married. I was supposed to be like one of them. Now, I sometimes feel abit lonely and I envy people who have a reliable partner. I am not obsessed with the idea of marriage itself but more towards having a partner who I can lead a meaningful life with. It really used to be him missing that intimacy piece.
 

Mongkok

Active Member
Hi Romantique, thank you for your comment.

I think based on what I shared, most men think he is seeking excitement and providing and excuse on why prostitute. I can however quite easily share why this is not the case for my partner. I totally understand ‘keeping the loving wife home and exciting woman outside’ which a lot of bored man did. However this is very unlikely to be the case for me, reason being, I am outgoing, lively and playful person. Compared to me, my partner is actually the more dull person. He actually enjoys life a lot more and find more meaning in life after meeting me, he has repeatedly said this since beginning of our rs. He is in fact scared of a lot of things compared to me( scared of ghosts, snakes, height, roller coasters etc) and he also has a lot of health conditions (hyperthyroid, super sensitive stomach, he gets stomachache very often like at least once a week, so much so i was worried that he had some kinda stomach cancer, below average stamina, feels tired very easily, gets heaty and sore throat often like once a wk or so) so for someone of such profile, it’s perhaps really not tt surprising he has ED? He does not have the courage to try sex without viagra, even with viagra, he may not stand or last. (even with prostitutes) He has also say himself he is super embarrassed and really has fear of visiting urologist until now. I believe his ED is a component of physical limitation and mental limitation. he has also repeatedly said that he is super scared to address his ED issue with me because he is so afraid that our relationship will end because of that. but i'm sure you and i both know we should never have ran away from the problem.

i love to try out new things, new food, new places, new activities together. and i have always been someone who believes that doing new things together keep the relationship and sparks alive. i am also interested and pretty well-versed in quite a few things which men may be interested in like cars, watches and games. did i let myself go over the years and become uglier? nope, i am an above average-looking, slim woman who also looks younger than my actual age. i love to dress up and have always maintain myself. i have a healthy libido but over the years i stop feeling the sexual attraction to my partner for the past few years especially after around 1 or 2 years of stop sleeping together. as i look back, i really do think i love him and connect with him well intellectually and emotionally. in fact one of the thing i love most about being together is how we joke together and at so many things and we can also engaged in very serious intellectual conversation. also, he dotes on me quite a lot since the beginning of relationship. i will be honest here, my partner is not the most masculine man around, he is short, he doesn't pleasure me much in bed, he is not strong (my dad in his 60s can lift heavier things than him), he has never been really physically fit before. he does not have a ugly face though, he is average or above average-looking. i also kinda gave up wearing heels for my partner because of his height(i am already petite and not tall). so with all these, i love him and always tell myself looks is one of the less important thing especially for a man. over the years, i fantasize about sex with other much more masculine and fitter man. i'm not really interested in sleeping with him but i love him and i love almost all other form of connection with him and all these years i really repress my sexual desire just so i can be a loyal faithful and committed partner. i love him for his intelligence, even though with the things he did, i'm really not sure if he's very smart. i think it makes sense to break up with me rather than cheat on me if he thinks we cannot be together. in fact now, i see him as not really a man, because his act of sleeping with prostitute seems very cowardly and gross to me. i do feel a sense relief now i feel that i can 'honour' and face my own sexuality and also imagine the the possibility of good and fun sex life again! maybe because i am woman, i think sex is very important but not the most important thing i look out for in a partner. i truly want to seek a meaningful and enriching life with my partner(may not be my current partner) i truly believe things like looks and sex are not forever, they are part of a good holistic life. you don't lay on your death wishing for sex and looks. you lay on deathbed thinking of the people you have truly loved in life and you will be grateful for that. :)

i guess previously if he had not feels sooo embarrassed by his problem and deal with it, things would have been simpler. now, it becomes his ED problem plus his questionable moral standard.

think ur relationship w him aren't as close/tight knitted as what you have mentioned/assume.

why the embarrassment (him) of his issue when he is supposed to be comfortable w u in this relationship?

from these 6 yrs, you truly understand how and what you have sacrificed. but, that will not equate to 'improving' the relationship. the issue here is he 'sees' your sacrifices. but he didn't 'see' your 'through-thick-and-thin' with these sacrifices against your personality/character.

basically you are a woman with a life and clear objective. he 'sees' that.

do note, he has an issue w his body. this issue compromises him as a 'man'. he sees himself as 'not normal'. he also sees you are 'normal'. you are a 'complete' woman (in his opinion) but he isn't a complete man. hence, no amount of 'sacrifices' will dig him out of his hole unless he is offered a cure to his problem. when you are a weak person, u will understand no one will be able to empathize w u as he/she nvr walked the same path.

further said, you will end up w many years of no sex being w a man w that hv this problm (ED issue). you have to ask yourself u sure u can take it? if pure love can pull things thru, this thread wouldn't have started.

your guy is feeling inferior and alone.

as for 'deathbed' theory, unless one is gg heaven in coming months/days..., if not, one would have enjoy sex many times before he/she can think of the loved ones before shut eyes.

therefore, do not rely on a too far assumed future to make your decision. env/people change. ask yourself if you truly understand yourself or truly understand him. sort that out, bite the bullet and move your life.
 

Drain

Member
joybundle,

Well, I believe you already have in mind on what you decide already. I will suggest to go with your feeling, and move on. Sometimes it's better to let go, and pain for now, than to pain in the long run.

Best of luck!
 

Romantique_1979

New Member
Hi joybundle,

The past 2 months or more must have been the most difficult period of your life among the 'ups and downs' of 6 year relationship with your partner. It is during this period, after your discovery, that he is making amends, to step up on the already existing loving relationship with the hope of redeeming the 'partnership' (that's how I see it, from my POV), which is why it is making it even more difficult for you to decide to call it off. Both of you had invested so much over the past 6 years and naturally, it will not and cannot take 6 days to break apart. It is time for you to review and evaluate the relationship, for once ask yourself what you really want out of it, forget about what he wants or his promises (eg instantly to have a wedding ceremony once he resolve 'his problem'). Despite what you think of him, he is not coming clean with you. His reluctance to reveal his CC statements, bills etc is clearly a deceit - who knows what you may find from these information, KTV or Massage center charges? Viagra purchases from pharmacies..the amount purchased and consumed over the past years? If you persistently insist on seeing these statements etc, and if he relents, make a decision on the outcome gathered from the information, if it confirms with your suspicion.

As for not having any intimate relationship with you for such a long time, I do find it strange. Making love is not about just having coitus or copulation, there are other ways to enjoy it with a partner whom we love, it comes so naturally for couples in love, so ED is not an excuse. This is not a sex forum, so I will not go into details with this subject.

From your writing, you are obviously a smart, rational woman. But like every human being, we can clouded by our own emotions and subject to blind spots. (or do not wish to see).

Take time to evaluate your situation, there is no rush to make a decision today or even next month. But when you do, I hope you will be relieved of your pain and proceed with the option you have chosen, and have no regrets whatsoever.

All the best, and I mean it from the bottom of my heart.
 

joybundle

New Member
I have read all comments and I am thankful for them. I do not have the time and mental capacity to reply and I will reply when I can.

I would like to ask for advice on how can I move on from this? I am in a lot of pain. Everywhere I go I see us. I think 80 % of my waking moment I think bout us. When I see him, he’s still very nice to me.

How can I ensure that I move on to a happier me? How can I move on with least amount of pain? (I know least amount of pain sounds unrealistic but I can’t help it and still ask)

Does anyone have tips or experience on how you have moved on from a long term relationship?

Thank you.
 

Mongkok

Active Member
let me suggest an unorthodox way that should yield less pain.

chinese says 'ride on (current) cow while finding that (next) horse'. understanding?

u r (should be) at the early 30s. to drop him now is a big 'risk' as u may not find another one before you entering mid/late 30s. no issue. in life, need to play some tricks. your interest should come first.
 

JL8118

Active Member
I have read all comments and I am thankful for them. I do not have the time and mental capacity to reply and I will reply when I can.

I would like to ask for advice on how can I move on from this? I am in a lot of pain. Everywhere I go I see us. I think 80 % of my waking moment I think bout us. When I see him, he’s still very nice to me.

How can I ensure that I move on to a happier me? How can I move on with least amount of pain? (I know least amount of pain sounds unrealistic but I can’t help it and still ask)

Does anyone have tips or experience on how you have moved on from a long term relationship?

Thank you.
Well, I do see there's few options over here.

1) As what Mongkok suggested, stay on this, while searching for another

2) Close your eyes, and continue in this relationship

3) Give up this relationship, and find another

I will suggest you go for #3. From the way you describe, probably you are in near 30s. With your age, you should be easy to find another whom meets your requirement.

Good luck
 

Lambi

Well-Known Member
"and he also has a lot of health conditions (hyperthyroid, super sensitive stomach, he gets stomachache very often like at least once a week, so much so i was worried that he had some kinda stomach cancer, below average stamina, feels tired very easily, gets heaty and sore throat often like once a wk or so) so for someone of such profile, it’s perhaps really not tt surprising he has ED? He does not have the courage to try sex without viagra, even with viagra, he may not stand or last. (even with prostitutes) He has also say himself he is super embarrassed and really has fear of visiting urologist until now. I believe his ED is a component of physical limitation and mental limitation. he has also repeatedly said that he is super scared to address his ED issue with me because he is so afraid that our relationship will end because of that. but i'm sure you and i both know we should never have ran away from the problem.

i love to try out new things, new food, new places, new activities together. and i have always been someone who believes that doing new things together keep the relationship and sparks alive. i am also interested and pretty well-versed in quite a few things which men may be interested in like cars, watches and games. did i let myself go over the years and become uglier? nope, i am an above average-looking, slim woman who also looks younger than my actual age. i love to dress up and have always maintain myself. i have a healthy libido but over the years i stop feeling the sexual attraction to my partner for the past few years especially after around 1 or 2 years of stop sleeping together. as i look back, i really do think i love him and connect with him well intellectually and emotionally. in fact one of the thing i love most about being together is how we joke together and at so many things and we can also engaged in very serious intellectual conversation. also, he dotes on me quite a lot since the beginning of relationship. i will be honest here, my partner is not the most masculine man around, he is short, he doesn't pleasure me much in bed, he is not strong (my dad in his 60s can lift heavier things than him), he has never been really physically fit before. he does not have a ugly face though, he is average or above average-looking. i also kinda gave up wearing heels for my partner because of his height(i am already petite and not tall). so with all these, i love him and always tell myself looks is one of the less important thing especially for a man. over the years, i fantasize about sex with other much more masculine and fitter man. i'm not really interested in sleeping with him but i love him and i love almost all other form of connection with him and all these years i really repress my sexual desire just so i can be a loyal faithful and committed partner. i love him for his intelligence, even though with the things he did, i'm really not sure if he's very smart. i think it makes sense to break up with me rather than cheat on me if he thinks we cannot be together. in fact now, i see him as not really a man, because his act of sleeping with prostitute seems very cowardly and gross to me. i do feel a sense relief now i feel that i can 'honour' and face my own sexuality and also imagine the the possibility of good and fun sex life again! maybe because i am woman, i think sex is very important but not the most important thing i look out for in a partner. i truly want to seek a meaningful and enriching life with my partner(may not be my current partner) i truly believe things like looks and sex are not forever, they are part of a good holistic life. you don't lay on your death wishing for sex and looks. you lay on deathbed thinking of the people you have truly loved in life and you will be grateful for that. :)

i guess previously if he had not feels sooo embarrassed by his problem and deal with it, things would have been simpler. now, it becomes his ED problem plus his questionable moral standard."
Hi
I hv hyperthyroidism too and from experience it affects the whole body de..sometimes its this sometimes its that..its an agonising disease but it cannot justify the fact that he visits prostitutes. Since u not married yet I find easier to separate than wait until u married cos more money tp divorce and you know we women's shelf life is so short..
 

myENV

New Member
Read this: Pairedlife.com Title: Step to healing and recovery after a breakup by Benny Njuguna. A few quotes from there:-
1) Whenever you find yourself thinking about him, snap out of it. Let your heart know you don’t want him back, you want to move on your life without him. He had been unfaithful thus you cannot continue in a relationship whereby your partner is unfaithful. It’s no longer a healthy relationship.
2) You need to be disciplined and determined. You have to forget him if you want to recover from the breakup and move on.
3) You need to delete his number from your phone book and change your phone number. Unfriend or block him from your online social accounts. Be determined you will not contact him and disciplined that when you feel like contacting him, you will tell yourself the relationship is over due to his unfaithfulness (prostitutes), you have to move on thus you need to forget him and move on with your life.
4) You have to stop stalking him. Tear his photos into pieces.
5) Always smile even when you feel sad because it will remind you there is a future, you can make it by recovering from the breakup and move on.
6) Write a letter to yourself in it, write why you have to forget him and move on. Always have that letter with you for it will act as a reminder why you need to forget him.
7) Love yourself more and clinging to him is denying yourself of the fact that you can move on.
 

myENV

New Member
Confide to someone who love and care for you. Let them help you and don’t suffer quietly. Love yourself more and tell yourself you deserve a much better man than him. There is always a reason why you knew about his secret before marriage but not after. Count your lucky stars. Move on and don’t look back. For a bright future is ahead of you. Good luck.
 

sacrifice

New Member
Just try to solve problem directly without judgement.
1) ED - can try cork ring to hold the blood in at the base when it is erected, if cannot even erect can use a pump with a tube, can use both concurrently, sex aid shop has it , can also google in online shop
2) affair with good time girls - must cut this addiction otherwise they will drain all the money away with sympathetic story or TLC “love”
3) your relation with him - go for counseling and open communication, if all else fail then time to move on as you still young
 

KelGen

Member
I have read all comments and I am thankful for them. I do not have the time and mental capacity to reply and I will reply when I can.

I would like to ask for advice on how can I move on from this? I am in a lot of pain. Everywhere I go I see us. I think 80 % of my waking moment I think bout us. When I see him, he’s still very nice to me.

How can I ensure that I move on to a happier me? How can I move on with least amount of pain? (I know least amount of pain sounds unrealistic but I can’t help it and still ask)

Does anyone have tips or experience on how you have moved on from a long term relationship?

Thank you.
pm you :)
 

joybundle

New Member
I’m so scared that I will not be able to meet someone who will understand me the way he does. I am so scared that I will never love anyone again. I don’t know what to do.
 

evolutionmr

New Member
I’m so scared that I will not be able to meet someone who will understand me the way he does. I am so scared that I will never love anyone again. I don’t know what to do.
let the nature take its course. you cant force 2 person without mutual feeling to be together. at times, fate do plays a part. giving this relationship up will open your door to the correct one.
 

milogal88

Well-Known Member
I’m so scared that I will not be able to meet someone who will understand me the way he does. I am so scared that I will never love anyone again. I don’t know what to do.
Hey babe, sorry to read what you are going through. And I don’t really think any reasoning from him justify his visits to prostitutes. He’s simply taking you for granted!

I was in a 10-years r/s previously before coming to terms that things are actually not working out. Yes, the hardest part is how to walk out from it coz it is VERY easy to walk straight back into the r/s and shit happens again. It’s almost like a vicious cycle. Infact, there were times I tried to take my own life but come to think of it, that was really stupid of me coz my ex is simply not worth it!!

I’m glad that my bff sat me down one day and asked me this “Do you want to waste another 10-years of your life in this meaningless r/s. If your answer is no, be firm, break up and never look back. If yes, then just suck it up and stop whining in agony". Her words really woke me up and I am grateful to her till this day.

And sometimes, it might not be that you really love him per se. It’s more of like you being used to this lifestyle, in your comfort zone with him around in your life that you are afraid to walk out of it. But I do believe that when 1 door is closed, another will be opened. And the new door that opens up, might have something even better in store for you. You don’t have to jump straight into another r/s first as it won’t be fair to the other party. Take some time to heal emotionally whilst keeping your options open when there are potential dates that come along.

Importantly, you have to be firm. Have a clean break and cut all contacts.

I also learned to love myself more, rebuild my own life, spending more time with my family and my friends whom I have neglected whilst in the possessive r/s. And yes, I do go on online chats to expand my social circle and lucky to have found my hubby. We are happily married for 10 years now with a pair of twins.

So, I wish you all the best and trust yourself that you can walk out of this. Hugs!
 
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Darthvaderxxx

New Member
Google kopi panggung and try if it is Ed issue. It solve the issue for me permanentlt while I am on it for 1 month.

For prostitute visiting issue, ask yourself whether can accept his dirty past anot if not just move on. Something for you to understand from his perspective, it is not easy to have Ed problem. for a man if your thing is not working when it is supposed to , you will feel like there is no point living on anymore and will use all your resource to get it resolved. I had been in his position before ,i found out I suffer from Ed when I was 21 years old and have visited prostitute for a way to cure it and test whether it is working . Back then I broke up with my gf as I could not get it up , she did not know about my issue as whenever the topic of sex is brought up or scenario that will lead to sex is about to happen I will bail out fast. My mindset then is that I did not want to burden anyone and be sexless and do not trust her enuff to let her know for fear that she will leak out and cause my public image to be tarnish. there isn't really much that you can do when u visited prostitute as u simply cannot get it hard for penetration even though you are aroused and the girl in front of you is super sexy and welcoming. So most of this visits are more like counselling session with prostitute, yeah I know how it sound. So basically what happened is 2 naked person talking on bed and doing nothing for 1 hour, she questioning you why you come when yours is liddat then suggesting cure to you and showing you pity then you dress up and pay up and gtfo. Feeling more depress and empty about it. There will be no caressing or hugging etc after she know you have ed. Why? prostitute will only want the session to end faster and will want to get off the man as soon as possible, so if you cannot get it up after they try to diy for you they will usually leave it be and wait for you to go. In short nothing much is done , no penetration no body fluid, risk of STD 0 . No sane man will use their mouth on prostitute. Logic : public urinal every one pee , will you go lick that ? The answer is a flat no , same as prostitute.

Am now happily married and bless with 1 child , fully cured of Ed thanks to kopipanggung and am no longer relying on it to get hard. I share this as I would not like to see anyone in my previous situation.
 

joybundle

New Member
Hi there. I am not sure if anyone is still reading this.

Recently I have reconnected with one of my acquaintance and I found out that he actually had a crush on me a few years back.

So anyhow, we chat, connected and made out. I’ve met other men online but none I actually want to make out with.

The thing I want to share about this making out is that, I feel that my true passion is back. I have repressed so much passion with my fiancé or rather ex fiancé for so long because in my head anything that leads to sex with him will lead to disappointment and stress between us and I try to avoid acts which turns people on with him. I am not physically attracted to the ex fiancé but very connected to him intellectually and emotionally. Because of the few times he initiated sex but failed to get it up, it actually stressed me up a lot. I just feel that he is not as masculine as other men out there as his height is below average and doesn’t really have a fit body but have always chose to overlooked that because I connected so well with him emotionally and intellectually.

So this acquaintance and I met up a few times more and made out. I was trying hard not to sleep with him. Recently we slept together and after so long of not sleeping with my ex fiancé. I feel normal again after sleeping with this acquaintance. He physically more masculine and it turns me on me. Also, we had sex 3 times in a night as most importantly he didn’t stressed me out with erectile dysfunctions. The sex to me was so liberating and amazing. He is in his early 40s and a decade older than my ex fiancé, he’s not even going to gym or keeping his body in tip top condition but he can last sooo much longer than my ex fiancé and so much more stamina to keep going even after a very long day. He always try to make me reach orgasm. I am an attractive woman with healthy or above average level of libido. I really can’t believe I gave up sex for so many years for my ex fiancé only to be cheated on. Sorry that I am ranting here. I just find it unbelievable that I was willing to give sex up for him because I loved him. This acquaintance just reminds myself that I probably never should give up my sexual rights and continue to be comfortable with being a healthy woman with sexual desires. I feel sad that I repressed myself for so long :( and all the amazing sex I have missed out all these years.

I just really wish to be able to find someone who I can connect with intellectually, emotionally and without health condition.
 

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