Confinement lady vs confinement catering?

[wishy_baby]

Soon after i found out that im preggy, i've started considering who can help me for confinement. I know some ppl may say that i worried too early but i felt that start planning early better cos I'll hv other thing to prepare at later stage of my pregnancy.

Here is my situation:
I'm currently staying with in-laws cos our BTO flat still under construction. So, first question came in - who to cook my confinement meal?

My MIL dun cook lunch on weekdays and dun cook at all on weekends. Asking her to change her routine then u prepare to hear a lot of complaint, banging table and slamming door... Like the whole world owe her money... And she is kind of stubborn, do thing on her weird way.... On the first dinner after I announced my preggy news, she cooked bak kut teh with lot of peppers. I didnt want to drink bcos I scared later body get heaty... So, she not happy saying dat bak kut teh with pepper not heaty... Faint!!! I can't imagine wat will she cook for my confinement later with such kind of sense...and not to mention about taking care of bb... It was 30 yrs ago story for her...

I ever tot of going back to my parent home in malaysia during confinement. At least my mom was an experience babysitter before. She helped neighbor during confinement and even shaved bb during fullmonth. but hb dun allow cos he can't see me and bb everyday and it will be too tired for him to travel every weekend. My mom can't come over to help me since I got no place for her to stay.

So, I'm considering getting part-time confinement lady who can cook my meals everyday and help me with bb during daytime. But another concern comes in-the house is my MIL one like she always claim so if another auntie come and mess with her kitchen? Oh no, she will sure make a big fuss to everyone in the house... Then the whole world owe her money again...

Another less intrusive option is to cater for confinement food but then who to help me with bb? Cos I not suppose to touch water at least on my first week of confinement....

It seems like no option is working..... How?

 

[porky_jean]

hi wishy, i hv the same issue with u when i had my #1 child. mil dun cook lunch. for dinner, she cook only 4 days and wan to rest for 1 day so we hv to pack dinner home for her. she said she dunno how to tk care of small baby (newborn) so i hv to do it myself. i nd someone experience to help me since its my first child and im worried that i cant rest or handle it well. aft discuss w hb, he agreed tt we enagage a confinement lady (CL). the first day my CL came, my mil alrdy told her straight tt she cannot mess up her kitchen, cannot soak her clothes in the toilet etc etc..my CL is a v auto lady. fr the first day she knw not easy to deal w another old lady in the hse. so most of the time she kp quiet and cook then clean up the kitchen. she even help to sweep the floor and wash the toilet. and she will cook more (bigger portion) so my mil & my hb can eat if they dont mind the food. so basically my mil is doing nothing but shaking legs and enjoying the food and soup with me. so from the 2nd week onwards she did not complain much..she is like also doing confinement like me for 28days since she also got someone to cook for her n do the housework. take it easy, things will work out and u try to rest and relax since u are preggy now. if u wish to chat can pm me too

now im expecting my #2 and i hv a maid so wont engage a CL this time

 

[wishy_baby]

hihi porky, thanks for sharing your experience and letting me know that I'm not alone...

sometimes i just dun understand, last time our parents got help (financial and physical support) from grannies when they were young parents and grannies nvr ask for anything in return. But when it comes to our turn to become parents, wat our parents do to us? one just do nth but complain alot. well, i dont blame her cos i'm just her dil but even my own mom just care about d angpao i nd to give her if i go back home for confinement...marriage not only let us see the true color of our life partner but our parents too...

 

[frog]

I have 2 children, and I find that CL is over-rated because I am a very hands-on person. A big part about confinement would be your meals. Catering is a good way to solve the problem, and it has good variety of foods, less cleaning, and you don't need to deal with a potential CL-from-hell.

Next would be your baby. If you attend the prenatal classes, and once you have given birth at the hospital attend the classes, or ask the nurse to let you see how they bathe your baby. They are super-experienced, bathed so many babies a day, and when you see them handle your baby you will feel like they are not so fragile, and you can do it too! My hubby and I gave our DD her first bath master bathroom's sink!!

Then there's the washing of clothes - this one, will/should delegate to the DH. To avoid having to wash up bottles and pumps... fully breastfeed for as long as you can. Really save a lot of work!!

So you train your mind to believe that you can do it rather independently. And when the time comes, you expect yourself to be independent. It's not sacrafice or hard - people all over the world do this (plus handle other children!) Hope this helps!

 

[jamiemama]

Wishy, in my view your own mum will still take far better care of you than your mil or any confinement nanny. it will be nice gesture for u to give your mother ang pow, coz being confinement nanny is a really difficult & tiring job.
Confinement is just one month, but it can be such a nightmare if your CL and mil don't get along. you will be caught in the middle of their conflict. if you don't hire cl but try to do everything yourself, your mil can still interfere and nag and make life hard for u. it is so crucial for the mother to get good rest during confinement, rather than face frustration and stress, which will then interfere with your bfeeding and your recovery. i think it is still better for u to return home. trust me, your own mother may not be perfect but she will definitely treat you better than anybody else will. blood is thicker than water (or any monetary transaction like with cl). i'm sure your hubby will understand if u tell him ur difficulties.

 

[porky_jean]

wishy, my mum said last time she also handle all by herself. she got 4 kids. so she also not helping me as she wants me to learn and do it myself too. i survived on my own during the 2nd month. baby wail so loud during bathe..dunno wats wrong..but slowly day by day i find it better. i only hate the nagging fr my mil while im handling my baby. she only talk but no help which i find it v fustrating..and keep asking me why baby cry ? im a first time mummy also trying to understand wat my baby wants. its not easy to stay together but always look on the brighter side. when my baby reach 3mths old, i will bring him out for gatherings w frens so i dont hv to stay at home to face her

 

[frog]

Some husbands are very hands-off, and might be totally cool if you are away for 1 month with a newborn, to which he might visit you during the weekends, or once, or twice. Some do not look forward to that prospect - and they should be encouraged.

Think of it this way - they are actually telling you that they want to be a part of you and the baby. Isn't that nice? Your hormones will play havoc with you after delivery - let's just say that you might think you will be ok now... but when you are in confinement, you might regret not having him around - even if it's just your hormones speaking! And it's a nice bonding time. So, my advice is, try, try very hard to stay by your husband ....

 

[alicelui]

I have same problem like u wishy. Parents in Msia, mil dun cook. My mom offer to come over Singapore take care me but i no place for her as my house still bto. Thinking to get a day confinement lady. My edd is April 2013 , but duno where to get good confinement lady

 

[babyk2003]

Hi wishy, I think u can benefit from a CL. I engage in confinement catering for my second child 2yrs back. I have to do most of the house work n take care of my first child n newborn, though my DH tries to help out as much as he could wif the housework. I still find it tiring. I let my daughter share my confinement food then n big mistake, after the confinement, she fell ill n ran high fever for 2 weeks. I guess too heaty. I also didn't take gd care of myself during the confinement period, I found myself aching all over. Because I have to do housework, pumping breast milk n washing, I'm sweaty all the time. One night I was so sweaty I went for a bath before bed. I dun like to feel sticky n hot before I breastfeed my baby. The next morning, I swell up. My face, hands n feet swell up. It took a week for the swelling to subside. After that I know I can't mess around with confinement. Really have to take care of our body. Help n rest is essential during this important period of time.
Now pregnant wif my third child, I'm going for a part time CL, although still looking for one.

 

[cyndiong]

Hi wishy, I also been thru similar situation. My pil n bro in law are staying in my house which mean no extra room for confinement lady. In the end, the confinement lady sleep with me while my hubby sleep with his bro. My cl also cook separate food for the whole family. Thus no complaints fm my mil. If u wish to ask your mum to take care of you, perhaps she can sleep with u n yr hubby. If not ask yr hubby to sleep in living room. As for cooking wise, yr mum can just cook for you while yr mil cook for whole family.
Confinement food catering is not cheap, ard $1.6k?? Might as well top up few hundred dollars n engage a cl or give the $$ to yr mum or mil.

 

[denise111]

Hi Alice, my mum can work confinement during Mar to Apr'13, if you're interested, can contact my hp.98801042

 

[wishy_baby]

Finally proposed to PIL regarding the idea of getting CL after much consideration. As expected, both of them strongly against the idea and said a lot of hurting words especially my MIL-ur baby so precious ar? Cannot get scared?(when hubby commented my MIL like to bing-bang thing at home) How to grow up like dat... Confinement cooking very easy de ma, more sesame oil, more ginger only... Y nd to prepare so many thing? Poor ppl also survived thru their confinement without any helper... Want us to be like useless ppl at home? And much more... Then followed by bing-bang again.... Aiii....

Not to say that we dont wan them to help but look at my MIL attitude now, she has been showing so much frustration wif everything we prepared for bb... Not happy when we collected passdown bb items from friends and when my mom brought me bb stuff from msia...saying we make her house no space when everything is in our room only... Not happy when I dun like her cooking during my first trimester... So, we just tot of to lessen her frustration by getting another pair of helping hands to share the additional workload when bb arrives... But she expect us to tolerate wif her attitude n watever she wan to do... Well, I can give in but how about bb?

I can't imagine wat she will do to me n bb during confinement... And my FIL ,as usual, will be loitering outside whole day instead of staying at home to avoid her nagging, leaving only me n bb wif her...

 

[cy0919]

Hi wishy, my situation same as you. My mum at m'sia can't help for my confinement and the thing is I have twins! Now still looking for confinement lady who has experience to take care of twins....