Baby keeps smiling at helper

[DianeT]

hi, I'm a full time working mom and my 8 month old baby is taken care mainly by my father who is retired during weekdays. I have a helper at home as well. I noticed my baby is often smiling at my helper and does not even bother smiling much or looking at me! It upsets me a lot. There are certain days where my baby would look for the helper when she senses her around even though I'm carrying her.

My helper used to bathe my baby and carry her a lot when she was in her first few months. We have now limited the interaction between my helper and baby to just a few tasks such as bathing around twice a week and changing her pooped diapers on behalf of my father. What frustrates me and my parents more is that the helper tries to find every opportunity to make eye contact with the baby, calls her name and to make her smile.

I know people would tell me this is a good thing that it shows my helper would not harm the baby etc but I cannot help feel the jealousy and concern the baby would look for her.

What should I do?

- upset mom who feels baby does not like smiling or looking at her

 

[aquietkindofpeace]

Hi are you a first time mummy? maybe just to share these feelings will pass with time and security in the knowledge that you always be the baby's true mummy.

I would say relax and chill and try not to take it personally. It's normal for a baby to be close to her primary caregiver. If you increase the interaction you will see her responding to you too. Don't give up, it's too early days yet in the childhood journey .

 

[seasaltcaramel21]

hi! just to share that i'm in a similar situation as you too. we found this to be the case when my baby was abt 4-5 mths just as i started returning to work. that's when hubby and i made the conscious decision to spend lots and lots and LOTS of quality time with baby once we r home and especially over the weekends. we also took her on holiday without the helper just for that quality time. we felt that over time, this helps. some tips maybe i can share with you:

1. once you come home lets say at 6pm, immediately pick baby up and spend the rest of the night with her. no more helper-baby interaction. means for me i will ask helper to clean up house, wash dishes, etc etc anything and everything EXCEPT baby

2. weekends are 100% mummy and daddy time with baby. i will go out without helper. will ask helper to stay hm and do some chores. and if chores r done, she is free to rest.

3. if ur baby can sit unassisted, get a high chair or walker so that helper isnt always carrying baby. this will in a way limit the time spent if tts smth ure concerned abt.

all in all, it is normal for babies to respond positively to caregivers or anyone who is familiar to them. think of it this way, ur helper will probably leave aft 2 yrs or even if she continues, she wont be ard forever. i have also tried to change my mindset to that of, "i am grateful that so many ppl love my daughter. it is a good and natural thing to love and i would not want it otherwise." cheer up mummy! ure doing great

 

[DoubleQ]

hi, I'm a full time working mom and my 8 month old baby is taken care mainly by my father who is retired during weekdays. I have a helper at home as well. I noticed my baby is often smiling at my helper and does not even bother smiling much or looking at me! It upsets me a lot. There are certain days where my baby would look for the helper when she senses her around even though I'm carrying her.

My helper used to bathe my baby and carry her a lot when she was in her first few months. We have now limited the interaction between my helper and baby to just a few tasks such as bathing around twice a week and changing her pooped diapers on behalf of my father. What frustrates me and my parents more is that the helper tries to find every opportunity to make eye contact with the baby, calls her name and to make her smile.

I know people would tell me this is a good thing that it shows my helper would not harm the baby etc but I cannot help feel the jealousy and concern the baby would look for her.

What should I do?

- upset mom who feels baby does not like smiling or looking at her

Hi, what @seasaltcaramel21 say is true. I used to feel that way too. So once i reach home at 5pm, settle down eat etc, already about 7pm, then i took both my boys (toodler & newborn) to my room and spend my time and put them to sleep without helper. I also everyday will remind them that "mummy working so daytime u stay with helper and night time with mummy ya so dont notty. Weekend mummy will bring u both out ok." daytime helper close to them and i find with it, cause i will feel much secure thag she wont do stupid things to my kids cause she love them like her own. This going to be temporary, cause she stay here for 2yrs only.

We have to play our part too as parent.
Sorry to say, not only helper. If ur parent who are the primary caregiver, ur baby will also do the same to ur parent. So u need to take ur role once ur back. Not easy babe. And yes very tiring. But i love when spending my nights with them even im super tired n having sleepless nights. Its already become my routine since past few yers having my 1st born till today. Never had peaceful nights or rest.