Hi Chooz,
I understand how you feel cos my son was in critical condition 2 years ago. He was in a much more critical condition compared to your son, staying 1 month in ICU and 2 months in the general ward. I experience what you have felt and much more. There was a risk of him leaving anytime then. (His condition was a medical emergency known as status epilepticus, with 7-8 seizures a day, without recovery in between.)
During his first seizure, I was really panicky. I did not know what to do, could not find my wallet, and then my keys. After finding my keys, I could not remmeber where I put my wallet. I was that bad then.
Then came his second and third and more seizures to come. I cried goodness knows how many times. I could not stop my tears when I talked to my friend about his condition. I teared when writing to the forum, I teared just thinking about him, I teared when I saw other kids healthy and playing. HOWEVER, I thought of how I could help him. I decided that in order for me to help me, I must be strong. I cannot keep crying or I will really hai4 le4 ta1. It was then I picked myself up, went to ICU every morning to listen to the doctor's debrief, be with him and do massages for him, tell the nurse to suck out his phlegm, monitor his vital stats and whether there were any changes with his behaviour etc. I wrote everything down in a notebook. I also took my meals. I would eat every meal so I could have the energy to take care of him.
And slowly he got better. He needed lots of physiotherapy cos he was not able to sit up, stand up or walk. He was also not able to lift his head up after lying down in bed for 1 month. We went through this very difficult time with my son and now he has recovered well. He was away from school for a total of 8 months.
My friends have commented that I am happier than before. I guess I count my blessings every day. Being alive and healthy and to be able to stay together as a family is really a blessing, even though he is still on epilim. Really must kan4 de kai1 otherwise I will really be so very unhappy and ask why is it him who has got this illness, etc, or why is my life so hard...
Don;t worry. Worrying will not get you anywhere. Think of what you worry and how you can help. Eg. if you worry about seizure, then how can you help him when the seizure arise. You do first aid for seizure and maybe send him to the hospital. You try to improve his health so that seizures are less likely to occur - which you have already done. Life is full of uncertainty. Nobody knows what is going to happen next. Be there for your son. That is important and you have done that too.