(2008/11) November 2008

[lin]

Hi Mummies,

Happy Mooncake festival. Been tired lately, going for check up for brandon and attend the workshops etc.. Have already been to the developmental child unit. Doc is very nice and patient. Though, she did mentioned maybe brandon is just a slow development child and want to give him a chance to help himself before dignosed him as austisic. I cried when she said that.. knowingly she is giving me a hint or i am just plain sensitive. however, she did mentioned that if reali is, autism has certain degree from mild to severe. if mild, children can still attend mainstream eg normal primary school to university. but if severe, they will need to attend special needs school. She mentioned that good thing brandon is very young, and still can help in his development in his speech and motor skills. she did mentioned brandon has no problem in his motor skill and only lack in speech. so will continue with the speech therapy. But may need to psychologist when he reach 3 and testing of IQ. So I am praying he is normal. But am mentally prepared, if he is autistic, i think i need to face the music and help him whatever i can as i think luckily i suspect early then giving myself a wait and see. thank you mummies for listening my long winded story.. just that i cannot accept the fact.. reali hope everything is fine.

 

[peanut00]

Lynn
Yes in any case at least u found out early as mentioned by e doc so u can stil do a lot to help him as much as u can... For me I hav 2 colleagues with autistic children 1 gal 1 boy.. From wat I see and heard they're mild cases e boy is attending normal pri and he does manage to pass all his exams and e gal is attending special school not becos she is serious but becos e parents can afford e fee and wan to giv her e best...
In e meantime let's hope all e therapies help him in anyway and he'll soon b able to pick up words...

 

[sinnyy]

lynn: did brendon take MMR?

 

[tunapuff77]

Gd Morning !!!!

 

[jo15]

Morning to Lilian!

Feeling Monday blues today ... maid and hb already got it from me this morning.

Lynn,
I think Brandon is juz slow in speech ... give him and yourself some time. Everything is gonna be fine .. dun get too tense up.

nut,
So did you went Kite festival @ Marina Barrage on Saturday? When u sms mi tt day ... I thought it was simply a gathering, didnt know its a festival.

 

[peanut00]

Not a good morning for me... My blood boiling and I'm going to get mc for 2nd half of e day

 

[olwenlim]

oh dear nut, what happened?

jo: the kite festival is organised by my co. forgot to mention tt last week. but i went late. how u feeling now?

ah bear: glad to hear ur thesis is done.

how's my ah lian, ah jes, aly_nat today?

 

[shortgal]

Morning!! ya it's Monday again...arghh... Blues blues blues.. ;p

 

[peanut00]

My rascal's growing attachment to pacifier:
It's getting ridiculous she can ask for it anytime thruout e whole day! I'm getting agitated and during e weekends I tried to restrain her from having it other than her naptimes. Of cos this caused a really frustrating weekends as she kept crying and screaming to get her way... Haiz my throat now hurts from all e shouting and I mus admit tt I keep saying shameful which is definitely not positive discipline! I'm jus wondering if I'm doing e rite thing knowing it won't help eventually as her papa and granny always conveniently give in to her! They may b doing tt jus to save themselves from e frustrations as well... Wat shd I do.....
- continue to b e bad woman while e rest do nothing to help and eventually make my gal resents me?
- take at least a week leave to train her while asking mil to get lost
- or haiz jus let her be.... And continue with usual life with her sucking tutu most time of e day......

 

[peanut00]

Tried reasoning with her say tutu only for sleeping and she can stil hav her fav pillow whenever she wans.. She seems to understand and can repeat pillow can tutu cannot and giv me her pacifier.. But this morning wan means wan.. No matter how hard I screamed at her she went crying high and low for her granny... And needless to say she gave it to her. I went out feeling so angry dun even wan e breakfast.... Am so tired.. Like I've been disciplining her for nothing

 

[tunapuff77]

Slept early yest.. so today not feeling tat blue. And boss is not ard today! yipee!

nuts, cool down... hmm ... dunno how to help u here. I know ur frustrations

Liv, got ur email liao.

Wendy, i juz sent to u liao

Mummy2nia, when r u gog to send me your CTC... u promised me de

 

[peanut00]

And e "I DUN WAN" nitemares
- I dun wan umm umm
- I dun wan bong bong
- I dun wan change!!!
If make her do it she will cry like gena tortured... Y my gal like tt one....

 

[little_jewels]

Good morning mommies,

Peanut,
I feel that since the papa and granny is giving in to her for the pacifier, then there's nothing much you alone can do. Even if you stop giving her the pacifier during the weekend, the granny will give in, the other 5-days of the week. There's no reinforcement to teach your gal that pacifier is for nap times only. In fact, I feel that the different approaches will only serve to confuse the poor child. At this young age, she is still grasping to understand. But her ability to understand must be through regular reinforcement not just by you, but by everyone. If one person says "no-no", then the next person give in, the child will go "HUH?" Wat's going on? Is it a "no-No" or can I get my pacifier? So until you can get everyone to co-operate, I would say you are fighting a losing battle. I've been there... done the same thing as you. Was determined to 'teach' my gal. In the end, I only gave myself and everyone else around more grief.

Haiz.... so my policy now is: "If you can't beat them, join them". Eventually the child will outgrow the pacifier cravings, they will outgrow the clinging stage, etc. No point stressing myself, the child and everyone just becos some baby books says I need to do so and so. I've had this 'hands off' approach since #2 and I find that she has turned out to be a happier child. *faintz* Then again, I dun go totally "hands off" also lah. Some things that I find makes sense (eg: having night routine) and works fairly easily, I will use.


Lynn,
Cheer-up yah. Tink Brandon is just slower in his speech development. Continue to expose him to those sond and dance DVD's, books, etc. I'm sure he will improve soon. Maybe he is like me. I din open my mouth and speak for the first 3-years of my life. I only nod or shake my head. Till my parents also tot I either am dumb - as in cannot speak, or am mentally challenged. Turns out I was just too lazy to talk. Cos there was no need to. All I needed to do was shake or nod my head. All the talking was done by my parents for me. *lolz*

 

[jo15]

olwen,
Feel so bad mood this morning especially when I realise the maid has not been mixing one scoop of Friso FM with 4 scoops of Karihome FM as I have instructed. Sometimes she like to "zhi zhuo zhu zhang" and never tell mi.

nut,
Take a week leave .. bring her to your mum's place everyday and train her there for 7 days ... hope both of you can survive thru!
If you leave her as she is .. she gets more and more attached to it and it will be more difficult to wean her off the pacifier. Can imagine she is so attached and in future wont listen and feel embarassed that her frens are not having their pacifiers and she still wans her pacifier .. shame shame.

 

[lovedogs]

3Jems,
i think it is the employee mkt now... u r in sales...shd be hot in demand leh

as long as happy at ur current office, most impt

guess u have no intention to hop again soon?

peanut,

u have to talk to ur MIL and hb...both must be agreeable to wean her off the pacifier...else, hard to work leh... so first, must get their buy in.
i heard from an ex colleague who is ang mo...she said she cut the pacifiers into half and let her kid suck....hahaha... the kid suck liao strange and subsequently stopped asking for it. maybe u wanna try? cut all her pacifiers into half and give it to her. tell her all spoil liao...see what happens? think u have to endure a few days of cold turkey.... coz she is quite big liao hence, harder to wean off. we weaned my boy off at abt 13 mths... so it was very easy...juz stopped giving to him 1 nite and that was it.... think have to wean early... but u start now better than later! Jia You!


wtan,

hiaz... thanks for your help leh... i also dunno when I will be free to go tampines...hahahaa.. ask u ah...do u go parkway shopping? If yes, let me know. If not, what time are u home on friday evenings? I think perhaps next Friday I will try to go tampines after work...let me know

Lynn

dun worry so much...am sure Brandon is a normal kid....u have to think positive ok... positive energy works wonders.

 

[peanut00]

Aahahahaa.. so i get 2 extreme advises here.. =P
umm... let me tink...

Jo
actually becos she's SOOOOO attached to it.. i'm not looking at weaning her off totally.. it will proof to be too much for her at this stage.. If she can jus do without it other than nap/sleep times i'm happy enuf.. thou i dunoe if this will confuse her.. Jus tot mayb this weekends i'll try e "cut off tip" tutu for day time and only giv her e normal tutu when she's sleeping see how it goes..

 

[peanut00]

kash
so u tink it'll confuse her a lot if i giv her e spoilt tutu other times and giv normal tutu when she's napping/sleeping? If tts e case then i've to really wait till 1 time when i'm on long leave and try it out.. and in e meantime hav to let her be liao... Knowing my mil, she wont work with me one.. she jus dun wan her to cry..

 

[lovedogs]

peanut,

i dunno...but personally, i think will be confusing for her. If wanna wean off, I would prefer to do it once and for all...wean off totally. I also heard some pple put pepper on the pacifier... but i think not so nice... cutting off sounds like a better idea. Ur MIL one kind...shd cooperate with you. talk to her... ask her whether she wants nini to be like those kids ...4, 5 YO liao still using pacifier in public! good grief rite? so embarrassing... ask your MIL to think properly. heehee..

 

[shortgal]

nuts, the 2 extreme advises come from Mother of 3 and Mother of 1... haha so u can see for the more children u have the more hands-off the mummy will be hahaha...

Dymples, not to 'suan' u k.. hee.. coz i also feel the same sometimes, y make myself and others so miserable to keep insist on certain practices.. then after all the shoutings/cryings/quarrels, i also tired.. 累人累己。。 ;p

 

[jo15]

nut,
U cant give 'cut' tutu in the day and normal tutu at night ... juz one and only 'cut' tutu which she can only have until she give up tutu herself. Especially when she is getting more and more attached, u need to wean her off asap. Pls hide any new ones ... I have few new spare ones but I hide it perfectly in my bag drawers and nobody knows where I kept it. I was so tempted to give in right on the first nite but I endured with his whines in the middle of the nite ... slowly things get better.

 

[cloudyjs]

morning mummies

hi olwen!
tks for yr email over the weekend... i hope you are looking for something yrself too

lynn
understand how you feel. hope for the best for u, in the meantime do continue to encourage B and be positive, hope it will all be ok.

nut
ya everyone at home mus be supportive to u if you wanna wean nini off, else all yr efforts will jus go down the drain. i tink it does help if u show her a spoilt paci and threw it away right before her eyes. i did it too when i was weaning off my gal. of cos the 1st few days were terrible, but the efforts paid and also with the co-operation of everyone at home. nobody even dared say the word "tutu" during that time. and when we were out shopping at kids' store we avoided the paci section too, may jus get her to forget abt this tutu thing once for all. then recently when i showed her pics of her with paci she herself know how to say "shame" and "yeeeee", haha
you need to persevere lor, jia you.

 

[peanut00]

Kash
u really seen those 4 5 YOs still taking tutu???!! oh my god.. i hope my rascal wont b one of them =(

Liv
yes i agree.. when we not going towards same directions, only cause more frustrations and conflicts.. in e end all miserable and relationship strained..

Jo
All e advises given here are good.. mayb i'm a bit more softhearted and dun wan to totally giv her cold turkey since she's too attached.. tot weaning off in stages.. But like wat u and kash mentioned it may confuse her even further.. Haiz.. Tink hav to really wait when i'm on long leave and try out myself.. Totally can't depend on MIL

 

[little_jewels]

Peanut,
End of day, do what you feel is most suitable for you and nini. Maybe can try the cut tutu thing. For my #1, she was still drinking from milk bottle and wear pampers to bed till she was in P1 hor. I gave up trying to wean her off those earlier cos it was giving me more probs. In end, she realised that it's shame shame to wear diapers and drink from milk bottle. Slowly, she wean off those things herself. hahahah...


Liv,
No worries babe. Yah yah... I guess when mommies get to my stage of having 3 kids, the amount of noise and whining they make is enough to make the most sane person turn crazy. So now I'm more hands-off liaoz. I just too tired to battle with them over the smaller things. Rather save my energy for other more important stuffs. Else I'll just add to the noise level and chaos. hahahah

 

[peanut00]

Jes
.... i've to set aside a 'tutu mission' leave le.. haiz..

Dymples
all e advises here make sense including urs.. same as u, my SIL never try to wean her gal off last time.. jus let nature takes its own course.. My niece was also a tutu addict like my gal and was stil sucking it when she was 3YO.. It was only when she attend playgroup at 3+ then she auto wean it off when my SIL bluff her say got lizard dabian on e tutu and make her throw away.. I'm jus worried my gal wont b tt easy and ends up like wat Kash mentioned... stil on tutu at 4 5 YO!!! hahahaa...

 

[lovedogs]

peanut,

i saw them in public! really... still sucking pacifiers... not once...but quite a lot of times! was surprised as well...

 

[tunapuff77]

nuts, i make lousy decisions when i m feeling frustrated. Why not wait till tmr then u decide wat is best for nini and u?

Jes, hahahah, V so cute, know how to say shame shame at herself!

 

[cloudyjs]

nut
hope u'll achieve yr mission fast. do rem the more u drag possibly the more attached nini will be to her paci, so my advice is do it quicker rather than later, but of cos u hv to assess which methods suit u and nini best. good luck

oh, and if u do give nini cut paci, do be careful see that she doesn't chew and bite the rest of the rubber.

lian
haha, tats cos now to her paci is such an alien object she must be wondering why is she sucking to this thing previously.

 

[peanut00]

good thing u al hav e support from family (which i'm lacking from).. and i tink they're not as addicted as Nini is.. so somehow its easier and faster.. In e meantime before i take long leave which is most probably in Dec le (cos now getting busy), tink i've to jus live with it 1st but gotta make it a point to preach her all e time.. haiz..

 

[tunapuff77]

nut, i tink u have to tell ur MIL ur intention before starting ur mission.
I started mine after my mum 'suan' me, she asked me why i go n buy new pacifier for K, when I didnt like her to take it in the first place -_-"

 

[peanut00]

Lian.. tts wat my hubby said whenever mentioned she's getting too addicted.. Say in e 1st place I was e one insisting to give tutu.. But who would wan to if given e choice? wat to do my gal is a cranky bb to start off with...
Yest he told me let her b anyway my niece also suck until quite big.. Told him tt doesn't mean our gal has to follow suit

 

[peanut00]

But I tink I v harsh and fierce towards her... This morning run away from me crying like v scared and even yest nap time and nite sleep gena nitemare cry until v Cham and saying tutu tutu in her dream when e tutu was actually in her mouth..

 

[tunapuff77]

aiyo.. poor nini and poor mummy nut
Did u try distracting her with other things when she asked for tutu? Or let her bite on something, biscuits, bread ..?

 

[little_jewels]

Kash,
hahahah... yes yes. I'm in sales. But no more intention to hop now. Got lobang yah?

Peanut,
Oh dear... poor Nini. Tink she really traumatised liaoz. Later you go home, must sayang her more liaoz. Dun scold her anymore lah. As for the tutu thing, instead of cutting off, my colleague was saying that she rub bittergourd all over her gal's tutu last time. So everytime her gal asked for the tutu, she will give. But becos it tasted bitter, the gal gave up the tutu herself. Maybe can try this method. Cos no need for you to be bad guy and no preaching or scolding required.

 

[cloudyjs]

3jems - the maid expert
ask u something - if say i no wan my maid and cos her contract with me is not up yet, am i supposed to send her back to agency or got to send her back home directly?

 

[peanut00]

Yah thinking back mayb I really too harsh towards her Liao... I'm easily agitated and frustrated person so when things dun go my way I'll go crazy and bonkers.. This morning really act like siao woman.. positive discipline into e bin u go..

 

[little_jewels]

Jes,
Has she paid up the loan with the maid agency already? If the loan not yet paid up, then technically supposed to send her back to agency for them 're-cycle' her cos they want to re-coup back their $$$. On other hand, if the loan has already been settled, you can send her back directly to her country. No need to go thru agent. Just cxl her work permit online, buy budget airline tix and send back.

 

[peanut00]

Lian
Yah I tried but doesn't work most time. Yest at my mum place mayb got niece to play with and distract her so better

 

[little_jewels]

Peanut,
*hi-5* hahaahah... me hot tempered. I get irritated and frustrated easily. Like when I teach my gal her maths. I can explain slowly the first time. 2nd time getting frustrated. By the 3rd time, I'll be shouting and screaming. Aiyohz.... bad mommy. After that I'll feel absolutely shitty and apologetic. I've to constantly tell myself to keep cool. Walk away and breathe. Then I breathe so hard, I feel like a dragon. *faintz*

 

[cloudyjs]

3jems
thanks for the explanation.. ya, my maid's loan has been fully paid liao. recently she's like abit lazy and sometimes turn deaf ear to me so i wanna know what r my options if say she really gets on my nerves then i will know what to do to her, hehe *evil*

 

[little_jewels]

Jes,
AIyohz... all maids are like that. Their 'good & useful' life span is only the first 9-months. After that their pattern all come out. My current maid is with me for 1-yr and 1-month. Had to tolerate all her nonsense. But I find her attitude getting from bad to worse. Last week she dare to answer me back 3x. *aarrgghh* Fed-up siah. Now waiting for good maid, then I'll send her back to her country. I won't allow her to change employer! Fed-up with these maids. Treat them nice also like no use.

 

[lovedogs]

3Jems, Jes,

yah loh! my mum's maid abt 11 mths here. My mum told us last week, the maid shouted at her like want to fight! my mum was so angry! 30 mins later, the maid went to apologise to her. My mum says want to send her back liao. Told my mum if she wants to....better go agency find replacement first. This maid apparently talk to everyone softly but will only talk to my mum loud loud. think she feels she can bully my mum.

3Jems,

hahahaa... i believe if u submit ur profile to search firms, shd have a lot of opportunities. But yet again, if u are happy here...no point moving.... moving is tiring... have to learn everything all over again...network all over again. sian...

 

[lovedogs]

anyone here has good part time maid contact? Mine went back to her country and not coming back. The new one MIA....

 

[cloudyjs]

3jems, kash
totally agree, they are probably only good cos they are still paying their loan. after tat, they think they are earning big bucks liao and thus start to behave like shit. my maid's with me just over 1 yr, and i noticed since she's started to take her own salary, chu pattern liao. but so far she still dare not raise her voice at me lah, if she dare i sure ask her to pack and go rightaway. she's getting lazier, do her work like an old lady, sometimes not listening to me and making stupid errors. haiz... really leh, there are no good maids around.

 

[little_jewels]

Kash,
You try calling my ex-cleaning auntie. You can contact her at HP: 9368 3570 - auntie Susan.I'm not sure if she still doing cleaning job or not. But she's really nice. Do good job cleaning too. If ever I stop having maids, would like her to help me clean again.

 

[jo15]

re: maid
My new maid here for 3mths ... so far 'geh kiang' twice. She dare not talk back .. say sorry or keep quiet. Yesterday dunnoe she headache or what ... hb's relative keep comment why the porridge so watery bla bla .. then when I say her liao she like so moody and look as if kena possessed like tt.
Told her before bring her water bottle out if go out with us .. never bring .. nvm .. everytime ask her what she wan drink .. forever say anything .. last night say wan ice water .. my hb so fed up.

 

[jo15]

nut,
Ur MIL gg for holidays and u taking leave to look after ur gal? Then when they are back ... update her on Nini's progress that she can go without the pacifier ... so there's no need to give her pacifier ... ur MIL dun hear much cries during the initial phase then she wont give Nini pacifier anymore. Hope this works.

 

[lovedogs]

thanks for the contact 3Jems

I will call her up tonite.

Jes,

my mum is those super chin cai type. Hence, I think she knows who she can bully. hiaz... think i must talk to my mum again and tell her to find replacement firs then send this maid back home. since her 1st mth here, my dad add only extra $30 per mth for her...dunno for what! hiaz..she always bully my mum...but my mum juz keep quiet coz she doesn't want to bother my dad. Maid is very scared of my dad as he is a very fierce man and can speak perfect bahasa. She smart loh...when i go over my mum's place, she also speak softly to me like very gentle...can't imagine she shouted to my mum.

Jo,
can imagine very sian hor.... sometimes, i look at their face i also sian...thats why i can't imagine i have to live with them.

 

[little_jewels]

Re: maid,
Haiz... my complains about maids can become a paperback novel liaoz. My current one is maid #6! Going on to maid #7 soon (looking out for suitable candidate). Piangz... imagine... 7 maids over 5 years. Average life expectancy is only 8.57 months.

Dunno wat is so difficult for them to just do their work properly. I dun ask for much. Just keep the house clean. Cook lunch for my gals and dinner for family. If make mistake, to take responsibility and own up. Like that also cannot make it.

Then now the fili govt wants us to pay their maids $540 per month with every sunday off? Siao! I won't lor. Like that I'll stick with Indon maids lor. After going through 3 pinoy maids and 3 Indon maids, I can say from experience that a maid is still a maid. There's no diff. I still can get Indon maids who can speak English. I dun need a uni grad from phillippines who only know how to act smart and behave 'hiao-hiao' in my house.

 

[jo15]

kash,
Yah .. hate to see their black face. Last nite we went out for dinner, MIL wanna scoop for her .. I told MIL ask her scoop herself lah cos she sit there like kena possessed like tt ... I told hb next time if we go out dun bring her out already .. cos if I'm ard ... Lucas also dont wan the maid feed ... bring her out waste more money only.

3gems,
Wah filipino maid getting so ex ah? How high class do they think their citizens in Singapore as maids worth? Eventually they will definitely give us problems somemore.

 

[cloudyjs]

jo
my maid nowadays do wrong things oso dun bother to say sorry! as if i've wronged her like tat.

kash
i realised it really doesn't pay to be nice to them. initially i oso pity them tried to be nice, feed her well, talked to her everynow and then... but what do i get in return? only more and more shit.

and sometimes when i talk to my maid, she doesn't even bother to answer me, sometimes i feel she's more like the "boss" like tat. the reason why i keep telling myself dun flare up with her is cos i scare she bullies my MIL and secretly beat my gal, although i've MIL to watch her, but i still dun wan to take the chance.

si bey sian! imagine at work got to lun the bosses, at home got to lun the maid!