(2008/06) June 2008
- Thread starter avoros
- Start date
tinyfeet_tf
Active Member
Ya my parents gave me money. Oh its the bath tub tat symbolise pregnant. I tot was a pair of chopsticks. But for my in-law side, my poor hubby has to pay himself the dowry n wedding dinner. Yet when my in-law go for wedding dinner, they will take the angpow money fr my hubby, saying cos people gv us during our wedding, so their wedding, we have to gv the money to PIL to pay back if the old folks attend. walau, since then i heard tat, i gv up on issues regarding money wif my in-law.
tinyfeet_tf
Active Member
Tera
But your ILs paid for the dinner tables issit? Tat y they request to keep the profit?
Tat y nowadays, when my MIL mentioned anythg abt $, my hubby also piss off wif her. Cos my hubby also surprise over the angpow issue. Haiz
But your ILs paid for the dinner tables issit? Tat y they request to keep the profit?
Tat y nowadays, when my MIL mentioned anythg abt $, my hubby also piss off wif her. Cos my hubby also surprise over the angpow issue. Haiz
teragram
Active Member
TF,
My ILs did pay for the tables but then the money we took back was enough to cover the amount they paid. So we already gave them that amount. Then we thought that the surplus, hubby and I could keep (maybe can use on our house reno) but my MIL said the surplus would be for the $ she spent on the Guo Da Li gifts. Good lor.
I still rem on my wedding actual day, my MIL just conveniently left her clothes in our bridal suite lor. Yah, she also had a change of clothes. *roll eyes* So the next day when we checked out, we already had to lug our own stuff then plus all her barang barang. Aaarghh.
My ILs did pay for the tables but then the money we took back was enough to cover the amount they paid. So we already gave them that amount. Then we thought that the surplus, hubby and I could keep (maybe can use on our house reno) but my MIL said the surplus would be for the $ she spent on the Guo Da Li gifts. Good lor.
I still rem on my wedding actual day, my MIL just conveniently left her clothes in our bridal suite lor. Yah, she also had a change of clothes. *roll eyes* So the next day when we checked out, we already had to lug our own stuff then plus all her barang barang. Aaarghh.
tinyfeet_tf
Active Member
Tera
Then nt so bad. Cos i do heard if in-law pay all the tables, then they bear all profit /losses from the dinner.
Mine worst, make my hubby pay still must pay later for them to attend other's wedding to return the same amt that the relatives give. So my hubby fedup ask her dun attend lah if wnt to so calculative. Cos tat time we already warn them nt to call people from everywhere n most of them fr M'ysia some more. Some gv ringgit n some cos they old, they can't afford much. Mentally we very prepared to make loss. But lucky is friends n colleagues tat are generous to cover back.
Ha, aft the wedding, my ILs in the room opening the angpow n recording all the proceeds diligently. Did until 3am then get to sleep. Wow pianz, n still dun allow us to keep $ in safe, say nt safe..haha..insist to bring back.
Then nt so bad. Cos i do heard if in-law pay all the tables, then they bear all profit /losses from the dinner.
Mine worst, make my hubby pay still must pay later for them to attend other's wedding to return the same amt that the relatives give. So my hubby fedup ask her dun attend lah if wnt to so calculative. Cos tat time we already warn them nt to call people from everywhere n most of them fr M'ysia some more. Some gv ringgit n some cos they old, they can't afford much. Mentally we very prepared to make loss. But lucky is friends n colleagues tat are generous to cover back.
Ha, aft the wedding, my ILs in the room opening the angpow n recording all the proceeds diligently. Did until 3am then get to sleep. Wow pianz, n still dun allow us to keep $ in safe, say nt safe..haha..insist to bring back.
tinyfeet_tf
Active Member
Cactus
Ya, I was very thankful for my own parents to also return the angpow to us. In fact, in this pregnancy, most of my daily milk powder, food, etc.. my parents are feeding me still. Tat was y, i mentioned i will gv my mum a gd confinement money. Yet when my hubby requested his mum to buy for me the Chinese herb for bathing, i tink $1-2 per pkt only, she ask $ fr my hubby. Wow, my hubby scolded her.
Smtx, she always say my hubby nt filial, but i guess her attitude piss my hubby off loh. They dun nw hw to win their own son's heart n gv small problems.
Ya, I was very thankful for my own parents to also return the angpow to us. In fact, in this pregnancy, most of my daily milk powder, food, etc.. my parents are feeding me still. Tat was y, i mentioned i will gv my mum a gd confinement money. Yet when my hubby requested his mum to buy for me the Chinese herb for bathing, i tink $1-2 per pkt only, she ask $ fr my hubby. Wow, my hubby scolded her.
Smtx, she always say my hubby nt filial, but i guess her attitude piss my hubby off loh. They dun nw hw to win their own son's heart n gv small problems.
tinyfeet_tf
Active Member
Counting ang pow aft dinner quite common, but whn i look at the seriously on my MIL face when she count, i duno wat to say. She can even guess who gv the money if the angpow got no name, cos she recognise the angpow design packet when the relative hand to her. Ya, i knw my MIL has lot of fear in her, fear of scarcity, fear of lost. So i step back whenever i see this part of her action.
Tat y my FIL ask me to do my confinement wif at my mum side cos he wnts me to feel comfortable n nt hvg post-natal blue. Else, can u imagine all discussion will be abt $ throughout my preggie n confinement.
Cactus, still nt going hm, u usu go on spot at 5:30pm. Today is Friday!
Tat y my FIL ask me to do my confinement wif at my mum side cos he wnts me to feel comfortable n nt hvg post-natal blue. Else, can u imagine all discussion will be abt $ throughout my preggie n confinement.
Cactus, still nt going hm, u usu go on spot at 5:30pm. Today is Friday!
Ellysia,
I just went dentist a week ago and was given medicated mouth rinse. Had been rinsing faithfully so shouldnt be gum infection. Just hope that it wun come back to plague me.
Liewz,
Sometimes I feel pain/ pressure if I go toilet with a super full bladder. I oso realised that I took a longer time to ease myself now. As if it takes longer to get the pee out and not as powerful as before preggy. Sorrie for being so descriptive. ;p
Feifei,
Hugs.. we are emotional creatures.. I think your hb will understand de. Soon we will be there le. Jia you, jia you. Ya, you try 2nd month already strike consider as very powerful le. I tried for 10 months with the help of clomid somemore..
Gg off for the day. Will be back tomorrow. HAiz..
I just went dentist a week ago and was given medicated mouth rinse. Had been rinsing faithfully so shouldnt be gum infection. Just hope that it wun come back to plague me.
Liewz,
Sometimes I feel pain/ pressure if I go toilet with a super full bladder. I oso realised that I took a longer time to ease myself now. As if it takes longer to get the pee out and not as powerful as before preggy. Sorrie for being so descriptive. ;p
Feifei,
Hugs.. we are emotional creatures.. I think your hb will understand de. Soon we will be there le. Jia you, jia you. Ya, you try 2nd month already strike consider as very powerful le. I tried for 10 months with the help of clomid somemore..
Gg off for the day. Will be back tomorrow. HAiz..
tinyfeet_tf
Active Member
Cactus
Haha... ya my MIL always say in front of me n hubby tat next time she old, this son duno will take care of her or not. I stay quiet cos i knw wat she wnt to drive at.
I knw my hubby has a heart for his parents n its nt wrong. Just tat the MIL too much until, he does nt wnt to show it to her anymore. So becum a vicious cycle tat the more she test, the more he impatient wif her.
Tat y when smtx u say yr hubby will do then tell them, same here loh. He will do already then let them knw later rather than hearing their traditional objections.
In fact, when we knew we were pregnant, my mum knw it fr me immediately. But my hubby kept it away fr his side for 2 weeks until the scan confirms it.
Haha... ya my MIL always say in front of me n hubby tat next time she old, this son duno will take care of her or not. I stay quiet cos i knw wat she wnt to drive at.
I knw my hubby has a heart for his parents n its nt wrong. Just tat the MIL too much until, he does nt wnt to show it to her anymore. So becum a vicious cycle tat the more she test, the more he impatient wif her.
Tat y when smtx u say yr hubby will do then tell them, same here loh. He will do already then let them knw later rather than hearing their traditional objections.
In fact, when we knew we were pregnant, my mum knw it fr me immediately. But my hubby kept it away fr his side for 2 weeks until the scan confirms it.
TF,
I can understand how u feel. You only need to give your PILs your profits, but my PILs took all our Ang Pows. Wondering why they are so money faced!
My PILs wanted "Face", so have to hold wedding dinner at Hotel, and they never helped out with a single cent. After dinner, ALL our Ang Pows, even those my parents collected(My parents gave me back the Angpows on their side) went off to pay my FIL's credit card bills. Because of that, we spent the whole of last yr to clear up those bills we incurred during the wedding, and nv get to go Honeymoon yet.
Imagine the dinner, my MIL after Hao Lian finish liao, can come n tell us holding a dinner is a hassle. She forgot who were the ones who wanted dinner, and Hotel somemore... When she said that, I almost blow up in front of her...
My only hope is they don't come after my gal's first month Ang Pows next time. If they do it again, this time I'm not gonna give face liao.
I can understand how u feel. You only need to give your PILs your profits, but my PILs took all our Ang Pows. Wondering why they are so money faced!
My PILs wanted "Face", so have to hold wedding dinner at Hotel, and they never helped out with a single cent. After dinner, ALL our Ang Pows, even those my parents collected(My parents gave me back the Angpows on their side) went off to pay my FIL's credit card bills. Because of that, we spent the whole of last yr to clear up those bills we incurred during the wedding, and nv get to go Honeymoon yet.
Imagine the dinner, my MIL after Hao Lian finish liao, can come n tell us holding a dinner is a hassle. She forgot who were the ones who wanted dinner, and Hotel somemore... When she said that, I almost blow up in front of her...
My only hope is they don't come after my gal's first month Ang Pows next time. If they do it again, this time I'm not gonna give face liao.
paulnelaine
Member
TF,
pampers premium change to pampers active baby liao... last time used to call pampers premium FIT n DRY.
the dry ones are cheaper range in pampers brand.
pampers premium change to pampers active baby liao... last time used to call pampers premium FIT n DRY.
the dry ones are cheaper range in pampers brand.
Soyabean,
U think my hubby cute ah? Haha, u know what I told him back? I said, Those Ang Mohs dun have the red tub, den does that mean their baby gonna be unhealthy? Hubby said Chinese got chinese beliefs, Ang Mohs dun have. So not affected. Super Pantang loh, I also buay tahan him.
Danryan,
I was told by my gynae that baby will be more active after we take sweet stuff. So some mummies when their babies inactive the whole day, either they place a cold bottle on their tummy or drink a sweet drink. But if baby nv move after these 2 menthods, must go see gynae liao...
U think my hubby cute ah? Haha, u know what I told him back? I said, Those Ang Mohs dun have the red tub, den does that mean their baby gonna be unhealthy? Hubby said Chinese got chinese beliefs, Ang Mohs dun have. So not affected. Super Pantang loh, I also buay tahan him.
Danryan,
I was told by my gynae that baby will be more active after we take sweet stuff. So some mummies when their babies inactive the whole day, either they place a cold bottle on their tummy or drink a sweet drink. But if baby nv move after these 2 menthods, must go see gynae liao...
Hi Ladies,
There is one site which sell pretty cheap nursing wears n bras, check out www.iwantmilks.com
There is one site which sell pretty cheap nursing wears n bras, check out www.iwantmilks.com
ZuEn,
agreed with u that our pee not so strong liao..like a little at a time hor..hmm...
Tks ger, trying to curb my depression lor =D..
All,
Oh yes, those ladies who haven buy disposable panties, i can recommend u to get a brand named " Impressions", my fren bot 4 packs for me, 5pcs each today frm Tamp Giant, no more stock liao...Its for expectant mother, bery comfy cos cotton and can be rewash if u wan lor...tink cost $5+ only...me need to get 3 more packs lor..
Tera,TF,
Talking abt water retention,i started hv water retention at my feet at 6th mths, then ever since i admmited to TMC on mon, the swell subsidie leh...so duuo is it i got lift up my leg and seldom walk cos laying in bed all the time or really if bad swelling means delivery soon..hmm..
agreed with u that our pee not so strong liao..like a little at a time hor..hmm...
Tks ger, trying to curb my depression lor =D..
All,
Oh yes, those ladies who haven buy disposable panties, i can recommend u to get a brand named " Impressions", my fren bot 4 packs for me, 5pcs each today frm Tamp Giant, no more stock liao...Its for expectant mother, bery comfy cos cotton and can be rewash if u wan lor...tink cost $5+ only...me need to get 3 more packs lor..
Tera,TF,
Talking abt water retention,i started hv water retention at my feet at 6th mths, then ever since i admmited to TMC on mon, the swell subsidie leh...so duuo is it i got lift up my leg and seldom walk cos laying in bed all the time or really if bad swelling means delivery soon..hmm..
tinyfeet_tf
Active Member
Elaine
Ok. Thanks. Ya, experience mama say get Pampers Premium when comes to worst rashes case. But I keep looking, can't find. So is the Active Baby one.
Kelcqi
So your FIL credit bill in incurred from the wedding dinner or his personal credit card bill. If from wedding dinner, then correct lah. If for personal bill, then siong loh.
Ok. Thanks. Ya, experience mama say get Pampers Premium when comes to worst rashes case. But I keep looking, can't find. So is the Active Baby one.
Kelcqi
So your FIL credit bill in incurred from the wedding dinner or his personal credit card bill. If from wedding dinner, then correct lah. If for personal bill, then siong loh.
TF,
Sad to say, my FIL's credit bills incurred from his own spending. Like I said, they never contribute to the wedding. And even "profited" from our wedding cos all our Ang Pows from wedding dinner ALL went to paying off his bills. Hubby cannot don't pay, cause is hubby who sup my FIL e card, so if don't pay, the one getting into trouble is my hubby not my stupid FIL. Selfish rite?
Sad to say, my FIL's credit bills incurred from his own spending. Like I said, they never contribute to the wedding. And even "profited" from our wedding cos all our Ang Pows from wedding dinner ALL went to paying off his bills. Hubby cannot don't pay, cause is hubby who sup my FIL e card, so if don't pay, the one getting into trouble is my hubby not my stupid FIL. Selfish rite?
Hi gers,
Good morning. Looks like no one is in office today? I have half a day to go. -.o"
kelcqi,
So late still awake? I must hit the pillow by 10+pm latest, hehe. So your hb still sup the e card to your FIL? Sometimes, we children oso difficult position. Cannot dun care about parents, but some parents oso spend $$ without thinking de. My FIL not working liao. No savings and no income, so he will ask for $$ from us on top of the token that we give him monthly. Oso cannot dun give, yet worried that it will encourage him to continue doing so. Can only take one step at a time. He just got his CPF $$, so can tahan him for a while, but I think it will be gone soon. Haiz..
Feifei,
I realised that my right foot got swelling, but left foot dun have. If water retention = impending labour, then wat is mine? Haha. Bb cannot decide if she wants to come out? Hehe. She better not. Must guai, guai stay until at least 37 weeks. ;p
Good morning. Looks like no one is in office today? I have half a day to go. -.o"
kelcqi,
So late still awake? I must hit the pillow by 10+pm latest, hehe. So your hb still sup the e card to your FIL? Sometimes, we children oso difficult position. Cannot dun care about parents, but some parents oso spend $$ without thinking de. My FIL not working liao. No savings and no income, so he will ask for $$ from us on top of the token that we give him monthly. Oso cannot dun give, yet worried that it will encourage him to continue doing so. Can only take one step at a time. He just got his CPF $$, so can tahan him for a while, but I think it will be gone soon. Haiz..
Feifei,
I realised that my right foot got swelling, but left foot dun have. If water retention = impending labour, then wat is mine? Haha. Bb cannot decide if she wants to come out? Hehe. She better not. Must guai, guai stay until at least 37 weeks. ;p
Hi mummies, do check out my BP on BABY BJORN carriers and nursing accessories!
http://www.singaporemotherhood.com/forumboard/messages/581296/1329953.html
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Zu-en, last nite reached home late, so still awake loh. This morning 9.30 woke up to hunger bangs liao. Haiz, I keep feeling I didn't rest enough.
My FIL no cpf somemore wor, last time self employed, later business failed, declare bankrupt, but the thing is they never learn their lessons, last time earned alot but spend alot. Even bankrupt, still dunno the importance of savings. Haiz.
As hubby's wife, I'm very pissed but can't say anything cos afterall is Hubby's money. Although MIL said tt since married, I should not be contributing back home but to hubby's side, but I refused to listen cos I think she too money faced liao. I seriously think they have more than enough liao. Imagine hubby is paying for all the bills except mobile but they can still say not enough. I really dunno, one mth plus the income my FIL brings back from part time cabbie, got 2k over to spend, plus MIL rarely cook, we tabao for her. Like that still not enough meh?
Sometimes I see my MIL buying clothes more frequently than me when she doesn't even have to work, I really thinks she thinks hubby prints notes issit?
My FIL no cpf somemore wor, last time self employed, later business failed, declare bankrupt, but the thing is they never learn their lessons, last time earned alot but spend alot. Even bankrupt, still dunno the importance of savings. Haiz.
As hubby's wife, I'm very pissed but can't say anything cos afterall is Hubby's money. Although MIL said tt since married, I should not be contributing back home but to hubby's side, but I refused to listen cos I think she too money faced liao. I seriously think they have more than enough liao. Imagine hubby is paying for all the bills except mobile but they can still say not enough. I really dunno, one mth plus the income my FIL brings back from part time cabbie, got 2k over to spend, plus MIL rarely cook, we tabao for her. Like that still not enough meh?
Sometimes I see my MIL buying clothes more frequently than me when she doesn't even have to work, I really thinks she thinks hubby prints notes issit?
danryan,
wat sort of cream he gave? cos when i went for my previous check, i complain backache n doc gave me a cream for muscle pain. i check e ingredients, 1 of them seems unsafe for preggy so ended up i din use at all.
then i bought frm little dreamers some lotion for pregnant woman to relieve backache, heaviness in limbs to apply.
wat sort of cream he gave? cos when i went for my previous check, i complain backache n doc gave me a cream for muscle pain. i check e ingredients, 1 of them seems unsafe for preggy so ended up i din use at all.
then i bought frm little dreamers some lotion for pregnant woman to relieve backache, heaviness in limbs to apply.
mrswrx,
U stay in bukit timah rite? I uses AB employment in BT shopping centre. You can look for Janet. Her fee is abt $500, insurance $267, and I find her quite reliable. I also find her maids not so problematic (compared to my friends'), or maybe she knows my family's preference since my 2 SILs and I get maid from her for many years. Having said that getting maid also very much depends on luck.
I dont suffer from swollen legs, but my pelvic bone aches if I sit or walk too long
U stay in bukit timah rite? I uses AB employment in BT shopping centre. You can look for Janet. Her fee is abt $500, insurance $267, and I find her quite reliable. I also find her maids not so problematic (compared to my friends'), or maybe she knows my family's preference since my 2 SILs and I get maid from her for many years. Having said that getting maid also very much depends on luck.
I dont suffer from swollen legs, but my pelvic bone aches if I sit or walk too long
travismommy
New Member
Hi, I just delivered my baby in Feb/08.
Since my baby has swtiched to FM feeding, I am selling off the Mandela breastpump "Pump-in-Style Advanced" complete set, which was hardly used.
If there are interested parties, please contact me at [email protected]
Thanks.
Since my baby has swtiched to FM feeding, I am selling off the Mandela breastpump "Pump-in-Style Advanced" complete set, which was hardly used.
If there are interested parties, please contact me at [email protected]
Thanks.
tinyfeet_tf
Active Member
Kelcqi
Oops, after reading your story, my empathy wif u. I better not complain my side already. Yours really extreme case liao
Zuen, Feifei
The swollen feet = impending labour is usu for those going thru healthy growth, i guess. However, some do swell earlier for other reasons. Was reading Pigeon mother's month to month guide tat on our 8th mth (week 28 - 31), some will often swell on arms n legs. If this is only a temporary occurence, eg. late in the day, this is natural. However, if swelling persists throughout the day, it could be a sign of preganancy toxicity (pre-eclampsia or eclampsia) due to excessive weight gain.
It also states that excessive weight gain (toxemia) is a pregnancy-induced hypertension where a pregnant mother experiences a group of 2 or more symptoms, including elevated maternal blood pressure, swelling ankles n hands, sudden weight gain as well as protein in urine.
Oops, after reading your story, my empathy wif u. I better not complain my side already. Yours really extreme case liao
Zuen, Feifei
The swollen feet = impending labour is usu for those going thru healthy growth, i guess. However, some do swell earlier for other reasons. Was reading Pigeon mother's month to month guide tat on our 8th mth (week 28 - 31), some will often swell on arms n legs. If this is only a temporary occurence, eg. late in the day, this is natural. However, if swelling persists throughout the day, it could be a sign of preganancy toxicity (pre-eclampsia or eclampsia) due to excessive weight gain.
It also states that excessive weight gain (toxemia) is a pregnancy-induced hypertension where a pregnant mother experiences a group of 2 or more symptoms, including elevated maternal blood pressure, swelling ankles n hands, sudden weight gain as well as protein in urine.
secret_garden
Active Member
hi danryan & muffin,
I dun rem maid's Insurance so ex leh...mine about same or cheaper tha morraine when i employed my maid in 2006. With maid's agency fees, insurance was FOC leh...only if changed maid then they charge me. Even then also less than $200?
I dun rem maid's Insurance so ex leh...mine about same or cheaper tha morraine when i employed my maid in 2006. With maid's agency fees, insurance was FOC leh...only if changed maid then they charge me. Even then also less than $200?
TF,
Aiyah, we all complain to let off steam mah. That's why I said sometimes dunno MILs all went through training on "How to torture my DIL" issit? Keke...
Everytime someone complains about their MIL or PIL, seems so similar to what my PILs are. But I know there are even more "powerful" MILs than mine, after browsing through the forum. Haha. Yi shan hai you yi shan gao.
My PILs very money-faced and want "face", while another gal was telling me her MIL went to her parents house to created a scene say that the gal must have used "black magic" on her son cos her son sided with the wife and told the mother off.
We all complaint to let off steam. Containing all inside will lead to depression one. Cos I went through it, I put up with all the nonsense of my in laws until come a day I almost gave up my life cos they are really whacking everything out of me. And me, thinking nv to voice it out is the best solution. Never thought becos of my in laws, they really messed up my worklife, marriage and mental being. Still seeing a counselor at KKH becos of the depression they put me through the other time. Even the counselor told my hubby off regarding the way my in laws are behaving, and hubby nv giving me enough support.
So nowadays I hack care already. I pissed wif my in laws, I voiced it out at the forum, to the counselor cos even seeing someone scold my PILs, it makes me feels supported somehow although nothing can done to change the situation. Of cos I learn also not to fight with hubby over my in laws cos I know that it puts him in a difficult position, n he cannot forsake his parents no matter wat. And quarreling only strains the marriage.
I'm so glad I found this forum cos alot of times, responses from all the mummies, and those sharing their stories makes me feel tt I'm not alone going through it. So if there's anything really bothering you, just share it out. You'll always have supports from us mummies.
Aiyah, we all complain to let off steam mah. That's why I said sometimes dunno MILs all went through training on "How to torture my DIL" issit? Keke...
Everytime someone complains about their MIL or PIL, seems so similar to what my PILs are. But I know there are even more "powerful" MILs than mine, after browsing through the forum. Haha. Yi shan hai you yi shan gao.
My PILs very money-faced and want "face", while another gal was telling me her MIL went to her parents house to created a scene say that the gal must have used "black magic" on her son cos her son sided with the wife and told the mother off.
We all complaint to let off steam. Containing all inside will lead to depression one. Cos I went through it, I put up with all the nonsense of my in laws until come a day I almost gave up my life cos they are really whacking everything out of me. And me, thinking nv to voice it out is the best solution. Never thought becos of my in laws, they really messed up my worklife, marriage and mental being. Still seeing a counselor at KKH becos of the depression they put me through the other time. Even the counselor told my hubby off regarding the way my in laws are behaving, and hubby nv giving me enough support.
So nowadays I hack care already. I pissed wif my in laws, I voiced it out at the forum, to the counselor cos even seeing someone scold my PILs, it makes me feels supported somehow although nothing can done to change the situation. Of cos I learn also not to fight with hubby over my in laws cos I know that it puts him in a difficult position, n he cannot forsake his parents no matter wat. And quarreling only strains the marriage.
I'm so glad I found this forum cos alot of times, responses from all the mummies, and those sharing their stories makes me feel tt I'm not alone going through it. So if there's anything really bothering you, just share it out. You'll always have supports from us mummies.
tinyfeet_tf
Active Member
Kelcqi
Haha..gd gd. Wah u even went thru the depression. Hug hug. Ya, glad to hear your story. Smtx i feel bad telling people cos i tot throwing dirty linen. But u r right. Just nd to let the steam out.
Same here, my in-law wnt face type. I remember in our wedding, cos my hubby had no savings n we have to fund our own dinner, I suggested to my hubby tat I will borrow $10k fr my mum n we will return her (within a week) when the angpow collection come in, more on cashflow purpose only. My hubby was ok n we did it. So aft the wedding, when my in-law knew abt this arrangement, they were so angry and scolded my hubby n me. I was so angry tat I ask them what have i done wrong. If my hubby is helpless, obviously i seek help from people around. The least i expect is to get scolded from people who are nt helping. So my FIL explained tat we shd approach them in the 1st place and even if they dun hv $, they will find ways. For me, I told him if my hubby did nt suggest n can't be the one to approach right. Also, its just a small matter that my mum didnt mind. Then later i realize all they were driving at, is abt saving face!!
Abt this pregnancy, i was depressed when i discuss wif my hubby over him staying at my parents place during my confinement. Cos I have to plan all the logistics, i wanted him to confirm if he'll be staying wif me n baby in June. He dare nt commit his answer for fear of his parents nagging tat hw cum stay at the woman side (face issue again). I knew wat's on his mind so i explained to him circumstances/fact is such tat there's no other alternative. (ie. his mum can't do confinement for me cos she already too big to take care of herself, yet nw my pregnancy is wif my parents n the moment whn bb born, I am nt going to move until my confinement over). I told him if really insist that his parents dun allow him to stay here, we cum back to s'pore immediately n we rent a place nw and engage CL. I will nt make any changes once I reach my last month.
Tat was during my 4th month of pregnancy tat we were discussing this at TMC while waiting for detailed scan result, when we found our baby wif heart complication too. So at my gynae clinic, he could nt gv me an answer abt the confinement issue, n just when at gynae office, i cried. The cry was more of the hurt over confinement issue than over my baby heart complication. So my hubby tot i cry becos of baby problem. For that whole day, i feel so down n when my mum near me, i just cry again. Then mum tot also cos of baby heart. But deep in me was like i going thru this pregnancy by myself (since my hubby is station oversea) and yet when he will be back for my confinement, he still hesitant over staying wif me to support my confinement.
But now, I dun care liao n make him agree if it. If tat day cum and my in-law make a fuss, I'm sure will throw my anger n question wat has his side done so far in my whole pregnancy when this child bear their surname and yet only knw hw to save face... I can imagine if this really hapen, i will nt stop myself from making this scene to wake them up, after all the tolerance.
Actually my hubby smtx really in difficult position when come to such situation. Like whenever he transit in S'pore, I'll go to inlaw place to stay wif him in West. But there r times when he transit for 1-2 days, I suggest to him to stay in East (my parents side) cos nearer to airport. So in such circumstances when we do, he doesnt let his parents knw tat he is back in S'pore. My parents will also be informed nt to let the other knw in case in the conversation they let out. See how chiam when force by circumstance like tat. All creating cos of inflexible thinking.
Finally, i let out this kept inside frustration here. Haiz. Hope other mamas dun mind me let out here. The longest post i ever type
Haha..gd gd. Wah u even went thru the depression. Hug hug. Ya, glad to hear your story. Smtx i feel bad telling people cos i tot throwing dirty linen. But u r right. Just nd to let the steam out.
Same here, my in-law wnt face type. I remember in our wedding, cos my hubby had no savings n we have to fund our own dinner, I suggested to my hubby tat I will borrow $10k fr my mum n we will return her (within a week) when the angpow collection come in, more on cashflow purpose only. My hubby was ok n we did it. So aft the wedding, when my in-law knew abt this arrangement, they were so angry and scolded my hubby n me. I was so angry tat I ask them what have i done wrong. If my hubby is helpless, obviously i seek help from people around. The least i expect is to get scolded from people who are nt helping. So my FIL explained tat we shd approach them in the 1st place and even if they dun hv $, they will find ways. For me, I told him if my hubby did nt suggest n can't be the one to approach right. Also, its just a small matter that my mum didnt mind. Then later i realize all they were driving at, is abt saving face!!
Abt this pregnancy, i was depressed when i discuss wif my hubby over him staying at my parents place during my confinement. Cos I have to plan all the logistics, i wanted him to confirm if he'll be staying wif me n baby in June. He dare nt commit his answer for fear of his parents nagging tat hw cum stay at the woman side (face issue again). I knew wat's on his mind so i explained to him circumstances/fact is such tat there's no other alternative. (ie. his mum can't do confinement for me cos she already too big to take care of herself, yet nw my pregnancy is wif my parents n the moment whn bb born, I am nt going to move until my confinement over). I told him if really insist that his parents dun allow him to stay here, we cum back to s'pore immediately n we rent a place nw and engage CL. I will nt make any changes once I reach my last month.
Tat was during my 4th month of pregnancy tat we were discussing this at TMC while waiting for detailed scan result, when we found our baby wif heart complication too. So at my gynae clinic, he could nt gv me an answer abt the confinement issue, n just when at gynae office, i cried. The cry was more of the hurt over confinement issue than over my baby heart complication. So my hubby tot i cry becos of baby problem. For that whole day, i feel so down n when my mum near me, i just cry again. Then mum tot also cos of baby heart. But deep in me was like i going thru this pregnancy by myself (since my hubby is station oversea) and yet when he will be back for my confinement, he still hesitant over staying wif me to support my confinement.
But now, I dun care liao n make him agree if it. If tat day cum and my in-law make a fuss, I'm sure will throw my anger n question wat has his side done so far in my whole pregnancy when this child bear their surname and yet only knw hw to save face... I can imagine if this really hapen, i will nt stop myself from making this scene to wake them up, after all the tolerance.
Actually my hubby smtx really in difficult position when come to such situation. Like whenever he transit in S'pore, I'll go to inlaw place to stay wif him in West. But there r times when he transit for 1-2 days, I suggest to him to stay in East (my parents side) cos nearer to airport. So in such circumstances when we do, he doesnt let his parents knw tat he is back in S'pore. My parents will also be informed nt to let the other knw in case in the conversation they let out. See how chiam when force by circumstance like tat. All creating cos of inflexible thinking.
Finally, i let out this kept inside frustration here. Haiz. Hope other mamas dun mind me let out here. The longest post i ever type
TF,
*Hugz*, It must really have been tough on you to go through pregnancy alone. Earlier on before I went to see a counselor, I felt almost alone in the pregnancy although hubby is here physically. Why I said that is because my MIL even seeing me vomiting frequently, can tell me it's nothing compared to hers(Imagine I woke up at 4am everynite to puke, she nv and still make tt kinda comments). She made it sounded like I'm making a fuss over my pregnancy until my hubby also thinks that way. Even I get cramps at nite due to cyst, can tell me I'm disturbing others.
Prior to that, when they knew about my pregnancy, instead of rejoicing like any in laws, they asked my hubby to consider an abortion reason being they are worried hubby cannot support their finances and their spending habit.
Earlier on still have BIL and his gf's issue over our room. I complaint here before. In my PILs place, nothing I do is rite except be of service to them and money machine to them only. Should anything goes wrong, the finger always pointing to me. Even when it's not my fault.
So eventually one day I couldn't take it anymore, I didn't know why I kept crying. And when my FIL actually came into my room when I was crying, he continue saying it's my fault etc. So eventually, I couldn't take it anymore and feel that my hubby also nv support me, I wanted to end my life. Now think back, maybe it's also the hormones adding to the emotions.
The police came and a series of things happening. My PILs kanna from the police officers and they referred me to IMH for depression, and at IMH, the counselor scolded my hubby and his parents. But becos I was pregnant, they referred me to KKH, at KKH, my hubby also got scolded for not giving me support and allowing his parents to treat me that way. So come back, hubby told his parents not to provoke me or come and say anything nasty to me anymore cos he worried liao.
I know all these while also very tough on hubby that he's trapped in between. But I think the counselors really make him wake up to his sense.
EVen till now my MIL although nv say anything to me, but I overheard her telling my hubby why he spend money buying tonic and bird nest for me, say buy for me wasted cos it's me who benefit and not the baby. (Imagine she nv cook tonic for me, n now even wanna stop hubby from buying me tonics.) Where got such MILs? And on the other hand keep stressing me to have an at least 7 pounds baby...
Hubby dun dare to tell me cos he knows his mum's thinking is wrong and he didn't want me to "Hu Shi Luan Xiang". He nv say, I also pretended I dunno cos dun wanna created unhappiness. Keep thinking once my flat comes, I'll not have to see my in laws that much anymore. Although MIL taking care of baby, and I dunno what is gonna happen next...
I feel that most importantly for you now is to talk to your hubby. Although he's in a difficult position, but tell him, alot of ppl's husband also stays with their wife at the in laws side during confinement. I'm staying wif my parents for confinement also, but hubby not staying cos I hired a CL.
Let him know how important his support is. Must really voice it out cos after birth, we are very prone to Post Natal blues/depression. No matter what, u tell him, now is his family. Grandparents are consider extended family. Get him to talk to his parents and as for you, stay out of the conversation cos if not, your PILs will think that you made their son go against them. My counselor told me one, any unhappiness I have wif my in laws and wanna voice out, let my hubby do the talking.
You try not to think too much this period of time ok. Be firm in what you want to do. Jia you! You have our support here.
*Hugz*, It must really have been tough on you to go through pregnancy alone. Earlier on before I went to see a counselor, I felt almost alone in the pregnancy although hubby is here physically. Why I said that is because my MIL even seeing me vomiting frequently, can tell me it's nothing compared to hers(Imagine I woke up at 4am everynite to puke, she nv and still make tt kinda comments). She made it sounded like I'm making a fuss over my pregnancy until my hubby also thinks that way. Even I get cramps at nite due to cyst, can tell me I'm disturbing others.
Prior to that, when they knew about my pregnancy, instead of rejoicing like any in laws, they asked my hubby to consider an abortion reason being they are worried hubby cannot support their finances and their spending habit.
Earlier on still have BIL and his gf's issue over our room. I complaint here before.
In my PILs place, nothing I do is rite except be of service to them and money machine to them only. Should anything goes wrong, the finger always pointing to me. Even when it's not my fault. So eventually one day I couldn't take it anymore, I didn't know why I kept crying. And when my FIL actually came into my room when I was crying, he continue saying it's my fault etc. So eventually, I couldn't take it anymore and feel that my hubby also nv support me, I wanted to end my life. Now think back, maybe it's also the hormones adding to the emotions.
The police came and a series of things happening. My PILs kanna from the police officers and they referred me to IMH for depression, and at IMH, the counselor scolded my hubby and his parents. But becos I was pregnant, they referred me to KKH, at KKH, my hubby also got scolded for not giving me support and allowing his parents to treat me that way. So come back, hubby told his parents not to provoke me or come and say anything nasty to me anymore cos he worried liao.
I know all these while also very tough on hubby that he's trapped in between. But I think the counselors really make him wake up to his sense.
EVen till now my MIL although nv say anything to me, but I overheard her telling my hubby why he spend money buying tonic and bird nest for me, say buy for me wasted cos it's me who benefit and not the baby. (Imagine she nv cook tonic for me, n now even wanna stop hubby from buying me tonics.) Where got such MILs? And on the other hand keep stressing me to have an at least 7 pounds baby...
Hubby dun dare to tell me cos he knows his mum's thinking is wrong and he didn't want me to "Hu Shi Luan Xiang". He nv say, I also pretended I dunno cos dun wanna created unhappiness. Keep thinking once my flat comes, I'll not have to see my in laws that much anymore. Although MIL taking care of baby, and I dunno what is gonna happen next...
I feel that most importantly for you now is to talk to your hubby. Although he's in a difficult position, but tell him, alot of ppl's husband also stays with their wife at the in laws side during confinement. I'm staying wif my parents for confinement also, but hubby not staying cos I hired a CL.
Let him know how important his support is. Must really voice it out cos after birth, we are very prone to Post Natal blues/depression. No matter what, u tell him, now is his family. Grandparents are consider extended family. Get him to talk to his parents and as for you, stay out of the conversation cos if not, your PILs will think that you made their son go against them. My counselor told me one, any unhappiness I have wif my in laws and wanna voice out, let my hubby do the talking.
You try not to think too much this period of time ok. Be firm in what you want to do. Jia you! You have our support here.
tinyfeet_tf
Active Member
Hello Kelcqi
I remember your story on your BIL n gf liao. Gd to hear everything in gd hands wif the counselor intervention.
So happy that you have develop this far n will be doing your confinement wif your parents. U mean u will do your confinement alone in your parents house n the baby will be separated fr u at inlaw side wif hubby?
Ya, anythg i will get my hubby to face the battle. Too much for me to care over small little things nw.
I remember your story on your BIL n gf liao. Gd to hear everything in gd hands wif the counselor intervention.
So happy that you have develop this far n will be doing your confinement wif your parents. U mean u will do your confinement alone in your parents house n the baby will be separated fr u at inlaw side wif hubby?
Ya, anythg i will get my hubby to face the battle. Too much for me to care over small little things nw.
TF,
I'll be doing confinement at my mum's place with e baby. Hubby said he'll go over everyday to see me n baby. Hope he keep his words.
TF, thankfully the counselor really on my side. So nowadays alot of things I scare I ended up quarreling wif hubby, i "ren" until I see the counselor, den tell her everything. Esp anything concerning my PILs. Keke...
TF, u know hor, my counselor said something I find it very true. Same sentence, same meaning, but come out from my mouth n hubby's mouth will sound different to my MIL n FIL. That's why she firmly told hubby, some things he needs to address to his parents one. Although they are elders, we should respect them, but doesnt mean they are always rite.
But hor, alot of times MIL kanna from hubby, she will think is me and I still get after treatments from her. Like she'll gimme black face and slam the door to show me her anger. Haiz... But I just act blur loh. 2 more mths only...
I only hope she n my FIL dun aim my baby's money. The baby bonus and Ang Pows from first mth. Else, no matter how nice I had been putting up with them, this time I'll not give them face anymore.
I'll be doing confinement at my mum's place with e baby. Hubby said he'll go over everyday to see me n baby. Hope he keep his words.
TF, thankfully the counselor really on my side. So nowadays alot of things I scare I ended up quarreling wif hubby, i "ren" until I see the counselor, den tell her everything. Esp anything concerning my PILs. Keke...
TF, u know hor, my counselor said something I find it very true. Same sentence, same meaning, but come out from my mouth n hubby's mouth will sound different to my MIL n FIL. That's why she firmly told hubby, some things he needs to address to his parents one. Although they are elders, we should respect them, but doesnt mean they are always rite.
But hor, alot of times MIL kanna from hubby, she will think is me and I still get after treatments from her. Like she'll gimme black face and slam the door to show me her anger. Haiz... But I just act blur loh. 2 more mths only...
I only hope she n my FIL dun aim my baby's money. The baby bonus and Ang Pows from first mth. Else, no matter how nice I had been putting up with them, this time I'll not give them face anymore.
tinyfeet_tf
Active Member
Kelcqi
Ha, we r the 2 talking 2nite. True, same word n sentence from different person has different effect. My prayer for you for your difficult parents in law. Least mine, they dun think I am the one behind the scene cos they knw tat my hubby has always been wanting his way wif them even as a child. In fact, smtx if they knw my hubby make up his mind, they will come to me to hope that i can advice him otherwise. So i am more bless that my hubby has a mind of his own. Also, my MIL very scared of him. keke.
Hmm, this brings me to think why for some mann who prefer having a daughter than a son, they will treat the son more strict than daughter. Wonder if it's because our husband who have been overly protected by their mothers wants to get out of this over-protective situation. As a result, would like their son to be strong n nt weak in front of their wives too.
Ha, we r the 2 talking 2nite. True, same word n sentence from different person has different effect. My prayer for you for your difficult parents in law. Least mine, they dun think I am the one behind the scene cos they knw tat my hubby has always been wanting his way wif them even as a child. In fact, smtx if they knw my hubby make up his mind, they will come to me to hope that i can advice him otherwise. So i am more bless that my hubby has a mind of his own. Also, my MIL very scared of him. keke.
Hmm, this brings me to think why for some mann who prefer having a daughter than a son, they will treat the son more strict than daughter. Wonder if it's because our husband who have been overly protected by their mothers wants to get out of this over-protective situation. As a result, would like their son to be strong n nt weak in front of their wives too.
TF,
Yaloh. My Sat so wasted! To think 10 wks from now, I'll be stuck home wif a crying baby. The thought sucks. All my wonderful Sats disappearing before my eyes.
My Hubby also someone who have a mind of his own. But he's very filial kind. He'll nv talk back his parents unless they are way too much... And he seldom stand up for me in front of his parents cos he thinks it's only small matter. Unless his parents can openly point fingers at me even I'm not in the wrong. Say I disturb the peace in the family since I married in. But actual fact, my PILs quarrel more than anyone else. They just finding someone to pt fingers only.
My MIL can come to my room when hubby not ard and say something. Later deny everything when hubby confront her. No witness, I have no chance of defending myself. My FIL also, said something to me, then tell my hubby another thing. That's why I really cannot stand them...
My PILs will nv dare to offend hubby cos hubby is the one supporting them and paying off all the bills. They everything will let hubby have his way cos they worried their financial supply will be cut off if they offend hubby. My MIL once told me, say I cannot make my hubby angry, else if he angry and leave the house, the whole family collapse, I'll have to bear responsibility. So from that sentence, she only cares abt money, not hubby actually...
My hubby also told me, his mum's thinking is very bias one. Tell me to ignore her so that I'll not be so unhappy.
TF, my hubby also said, every man must be strong. Cos they'll need to head the family next time. His father taught him tt last time, but now hor, in the house my hubby call the shots, not my FIL cos hubby brings back e dough. See how money speaks in this world?
Yaloh. My Sat so wasted! To think 10 wks from now, I'll be stuck home wif a crying baby. The thought sucks. All my wonderful Sats disappearing before my eyes.
My Hubby also someone who have a mind of his own. But he's very filial kind. He'll nv talk back his parents unless they are way too much... And he seldom stand up for me in front of his parents cos he thinks it's only small matter. Unless his parents can openly point fingers at me even I'm not in the wrong. Say I disturb the peace in the family since I married in. But actual fact, my PILs quarrel more than anyone else. They just finding someone to pt fingers only.
My MIL can come to my room when hubby not ard and say something. Later deny everything when hubby confront her. No witness, I have no chance of defending myself. My FIL also, said something to me, then tell my hubby another thing. That's why I really cannot stand them...
My PILs will nv dare to offend hubby cos hubby is the one supporting them and paying off all the bills. They everything will let hubby have his way cos they worried their financial supply will be cut off if they offend hubby. My MIL once told me, say I cannot make my hubby angry, else if he angry and leave the house, the whole family collapse, I'll have to bear responsibility. So from that sentence, she only cares abt money, not hubby actually...
My hubby also told me, his mum's thinking is very bias one. Tell me to ignore her so that I'll not be so unhappy.
TF, my hubby also said, every man must be strong. Cos they'll need to head the family next time. His father taught him tt last time, but now hor, in the house my hubby call the shots, not my FIL cos hubby brings back e dough. See how money speaks in this world?
kelcqi, TF,
din noe u 2 went thru so much. cheer up n hope things wil turn betta each day.
was so disturb by my knee last nite. so painful when bendin n stretchin. rely dunno wat e pain is about. nw walking aso quite difficult. haiz... me alone nw liao, hb went oversea since fri. gonna be 2wks of boredom n c him 1 day, he goes reservist for 2wks(stay-in). haiz... boring boring.
din noe u 2 went thru so much. cheer up n hope things wil turn betta each day.
was so disturb by my knee last nite. so painful when bendin n stretchin. rely dunno wat e pain is about. nw walking aso quite difficult. haiz... me alone nw liao, hb went oversea since fri. gonna be 2wks of boredom n c him 1 day, he goes reservist for 2wks(stay-in). haiz... boring boring.
