(2008/01) Jan 2008 MTBs
- Thread starter lu_meihua
- Start date
pixiepixel,
thanks for the sharing..
i like your method of handling and do practice it. wish i have your patience to do it persistent enough.
i got the books for her about emotions: 'i feel good about myself', 'i am jealous', 'i am angry', 'when i miss you', 'when i feel sad' etc. read to her at night for her to differentiate her feelings and relate to her daily encounters.
when it came to the real situation, she just keep crying and crying and won't listen to reasoning at all. i will then leave her to cry by herself and tell her to look for me when she finish. problem is, she will never come and look for me after that. she will either looked grumpy and keep lying on the floor or watch tv.
and i've got the problem that she doesn't take instructions at home. (she's very well behaved in school - according to teacher).
asked her to eat, she cheekly run away.
asked her to stop playing the ipad, she ignores.
asked her to greet ppl, she ignores.
only listen to us when we trying to remove her priviledge, e.g, ipad, tv. or worse, throw big tantrum when her priviledge is removed. worst, the grandparents just grant her whatever wish when she throw tantrum.
i am at my wits end.. hai...
thanks for the sharing..
i like your method of handling and do practice it. wish i have your patience to do it persistent enough.
i got the books for her about emotions: 'i feel good about myself', 'i am jealous', 'i am angry', 'when i miss you', 'when i feel sad' etc. read to her at night for her to differentiate her feelings and relate to her daily encounters.
when it came to the real situation, she just keep crying and crying and won't listen to reasoning at all. i will then leave her to cry by herself and tell her to look for me when she finish. problem is, she will never come and look for me after that. she will either looked grumpy and keep lying on the floor or watch tv.
and i've got the problem that she doesn't take instructions at home. (she's very well behaved in school - according to teacher).
asked her to eat, she cheekly run away.
asked her to stop playing the ipad, she ignores.
asked her to greet ppl, she ignores.
only listen to us when we trying to remove her priviledge, e.g, ipad, tv. or worse, throw big tantrum when her priviledge is removed. worst, the grandparents just grant her whatever wish when she throw tantrum.
i am at my wits end.. hai...
angelwind
Active Member
xiaoyun
the thing is, my son loves me too much to make me angry. im not saying your gal dont love you. but i use this style where i make sure my son loves me too much to make me angry or upset or me scolding him. to do that, i really have to bond hard with him
once i earn his "respect" alot of things is easier.
after he cries, he will come look for me coz he wants my hugs and my kisses. but i can tell u on some occasions, he will "dun like mama" enough not to come to me and sulk on the floor. i will give him more time but eventually i have to reason to him, he know he cannot escape that lor
my son takes instructions from me pretty well but not my hb. i always thinks its because of the way i handle him (see first paragraph). coz he knows papa always scold n beat, so he dun like to listen to papa. mama is different, mama loves me so i like to make mama happy
all i know is once i earn his feelings for me, everything comes along naturally. naturally your child will want to please you and love you and dont want to make you angry, sad, or scold
not all times are like that de lah. if he dont choose to listen to me i will remove whatever he is doing and let him cry. i have to be firm if i give him enough warnings to shut off the ipad or tv or stop playing toys. if he cries, i move on to the next itinerary (distraction). if he dont take the bait n cry, it will be another whole round of my previous post about how to deal with his tantrums
i use alot of mama loves you in a day. perhaps more than 10x of such sentences in a single day. i just keep repeating loving sentences until he feels very happy to be in my company
but then he's very sticky towards me lor. he prefers mama and not papa. downside lah
the thing is, my son loves me too much to make me angry. im not saying your gal dont love you. but i use this style where i make sure my son loves me too much to make me angry or upset or me scolding him. to do that, i really have to bond hard with him
once i earn his "respect" alot of things is easier.
after he cries, he will come look for me coz he wants my hugs and my kisses. but i can tell u on some occasions, he will "dun like mama" enough not to come to me and sulk on the floor. i will give him more time but eventually i have to reason to him, he know he cannot escape that lor
my son takes instructions from me pretty well but not my hb. i always thinks its because of the way i handle him (see first paragraph). coz he knows papa always scold n beat, so he dun like to listen to papa. mama is different, mama loves me so i like to make mama happy
all i know is once i earn his feelings for me, everything comes along naturally. naturally your child will want to please you and love you and dont want to make you angry, sad, or scold
not all times are like that de lah. if he dont choose to listen to me i will remove whatever he is doing and let him cry. i have to be firm if i give him enough warnings to shut off the ipad or tv or stop playing toys. if he cries, i move on to the next itinerary (distraction). if he dont take the bait n cry, it will be another whole round of my previous post about how to deal with his tantrums
i use alot of mama loves you in a day. perhaps more than 10x of such sentences in a single day. i just keep repeating loving sentences until he feels very happy to be in my company
but then he's very sticky towards me lor. he prefers mama and not papa. downside lah
angelwind
Active Member
xiaoyun
u know why ur gal is so well behaved outside rite? she knows where she stands socially outside, so she dun dare to anyhow anyhow. strangers mah
but at home, she is free, and she knows she can do whatever she wants at home.
my son oso like that. at home more notti than outside. i think lots of kids like that
so thats why at home i have to deal with his actions as such above. else sure i explode 24/7; he explode 24/7...we just feed each other's anger lor
if my child cant be the calm one, i have to be the one. if both angry at each other, forever we headlock and feed off each other's anger.
someone has to break the chain. and mostly its the mothers job
u know why ur gal is so well behaved outside rite? she knows where she stands socially outside, so she dun dare to anyhow anyhow. strangers mah
but at home, she is free, and she knows she can do whatever she wants at home.
my son oso like that. at home more notti than outside. i think lots of kids like that
so thats why at home i have to deal with his actions as such above. else sure i explode 24/7; he explode 24/7...we just feed each other's anger lor
if my child cant be the calm one, i have to be the one. if both angry at each other, forever we headlock and feed off each other's anger.
someone has to break the chain. and mostly its the mothers job
pixie,
*ding* that's the keypoint!
she doesn't love me as much as your son loves you.
partly because we are not those who will reinforce our love to her everyday - old chinese style.
and, her favorite is daddy. and there's a doting grandpa who will let her do watever she wants. as a result, she doesn't really listen to me or daddy.
there's always ppl around to give in to her.
that's why i try to limit her to go to grandparent's house in the weekend where she will be spoilt rotten. but when weekend comes, she will demand going 'ah ma' house again again. hai..
instead of going to ah ma house, we now try to bring her out swimming, go for character development classes. etc.
*ding* that's the keypoint!
she doesn't love me as much as your son loves you.
partly because we are not those who will reinforce our love to her everyday - old chinese style.
and, her favorite is daddy. and there's a doting grandpa who will let her do watever she wants. as a result, she doesn't really listen to me or daddy.
there's always ppl around to give in to her.
that's why i try to limit her to go to grandparent's house in the weekend where she will be spoilt rotten. but when weekend comes, she will demand going 'ah ma' house again again. hai..
instead of going to ah ma house, we now try to bring her out swimming, go for character development classes. etc.
I totally understand... Many times I have to calm the kids down quickly or get them to do something that my hb ask before my hb blows his top.
My hb and I cannot reconcile our parenting style I think. He's the authoritarian type, and I am not. So he complain I always want to be the 'Hao ren'. To me, it's not abt that at all.
My gal also doesn't want me to be angry so she will listen to me most time. I wld like to think it is becos she wanna please me and not cos she is afraid I will beat her or threaten her. I think it has to do with he temperament of the kid also. My #1 will remind me not to scold mei mei, and dun get angry cos she doesn't want me to grow old. Haha.
Btw any of ur kids have phobia of growing old ah? How to explain to them ar? My gal gets very disturbed at any signs of aging, she doesn't want us or herself to have white hair, have wrinkled skin, get stiff neck, wear dentures like her grand parents. I tried borrowing books to explain that we all grow old but she won't until much later. And if we stay happy and cheerful, we will always b young in our hearts. But she dun buy it leh. Kept tearing and sobbing saying she doesn't want to grow old.
My hb and I cannot reconcile our parenting style I think. He's the authoritarian type, and I am not. So he complain I always want to be the 'Hao ren'. To me, it's not abt that at all.
My gal also doesn't want me to be angry so she will listen to me most time. I wld like to think it is becos she wanna please me and not cos she is afraid I will beat her or threaten her. I think it has to do with he temperament of the kid also. My #1 will remind me not to scold mei mei, and dun get angry cos she doesn't want me to grow old. Haha.
Btw any of ur kids have phobia of growing old ah? How to explain to them ar? My gal gets very disturbed at any signs of aging, she doesn't want us or herself to have white hair, have wrinkled skin, get stiff neck, wear dentures like her grand parents. I tried borrowing books to explain that we all grow old but she won't until much later. And if we stay happy and cheerful, we will always b young in our hearts. But she dun buy it leh. Kept tearing and sobbing saying she doesn't want to grow old.
Terrible 3s are definitely worse than terrible 2s!! The scolding, shouting, threathening, etc are an everyday affair for me
Anyway, we just shifted B to his own room over the weekend...yayyy!!! He kept coming over in the middle of the nite on sat so I totally KO from lack of sleep on Sun nite and daddy also tired so we let him sleep in our room. Then I decided to shift the fan and everything else into his room on Mon so he had to nap there and last night he managed to sleep on his own and only came out of the room at 7.30am! So happy!! But he could only sleep after he locked himself in the room cos he said he's afraid the giant will come. I don't know what giant he's talking about but explained to him that we've locked the main gate so gaint can't come and even if he did, mummy will catch and throw him into the dustbin. I told him the giant is scared of mummy and mummy will protect him...hahaha! Kids and their imagination! Hopefully he'll also do well tonight
Anyway, we just shifted B to his own room over the weekend...yayyy!!! He kept coming over in the middle of the nite on sat so I totally KO from lack of sleep on Sun nite and daddy also tired so we let him sleep in our room. Then I decided to shift the fan and everything else into his room on Mon so he had to nap there and last night he managed to sleep on his own and only came out of the room at 7.30am! So happy!! But he could only sleep after he locked himself in the room cos he said he's afraid the giant will come. I don't know what giant he's talking about but explained to him that we've locked the main gate so gaint can't come and even if he did, mummy will catch and throw him into the dustbin. I told him the giant is scared of mummy and mummy will protect him...hahaha! Kids and their imagination! Hopefully he'll also do well tonight
angelwind
Active Member
precious moments
*ding* thats the keypoint
my son doesnt want me to be angry so he will listen to me most of the time
and also, my hb is also super authoritarian type. he believes in caning a child for the child to listen to him. my hb should be best fren with ur hb
and he always say, there must be 1 bad person between the couple. let him be the person lor
i dont believe in this. i believe that if my children loves both papa and mama so much they they dun want to make us angry or scold them, i think we've done a pretty good job of parenting our child - with love, i should add.
love feeds on love; anger feeds on anger; hate feeds on hate
it all depends on which path we want to take
*ding* thats the keypoint
my son doesnt want me to be angry so he will listen to me most of the time
and also, my hb is also super authoritarian type. he believes in caning a child for the child to listen to him. my hb should be best fren with ur hb
and he always say, there must be 1 bad person between the couple. let him be the person lor
i dont believe in this. i believe that if my children loves both papa and mama so much they they dun want to make us angry or scold them, i think we've done a pretty good job of parenting our child - with love, i should add.
love feeds on love; anger feeds on anger; hate feeds on hate
it all depends on which path we want to take
angelwind
Active Member
yvonne
congrats!!
moving x1 to his own room is next on my agenda leh....
and x1 always say here got monster, there got monster one de...even walk down the stairs he'll say "quick, quick, monster coming!"...ehh...i didnt say that to make him walk faster; he dream it up himself one de leh
we bot those glow in the dark stickers liao. planning to decorate his room TOGETHER one day so that he is willing to sleep there. but first thing first must buy a bedframe
congrats!!
moving x1 to his own room is next on my agenda leh....
and x1 always say here got monster, there got monster one de...even walk down the stairs he'll say "quick, quick, monster coming!"...ehh...i didnt say that to make him walk faster; he dream it up himself one de leh
we bot those glow in the dark stickers liao. planning to decorate his room TOGETHER one day so that he is willing to sleep there. but first thing first must buy a bedframe
chaye
Active Member
xiao yun
Same here. T has alternatives at home too. The MAID ! Whereas Pixie's Xandall has only her to love. It's easier to discipline X in pixie's way I think. When I'm angry at T he will go find his alternatives and ignore me totally after that. I'll be invisible to him.
So feel like sending the maid away and have T all to myself and discipline him my way. A BIG SIGH
precious moments
We quarrelled many times bcos of our different parenting styles ! I want him to totally hands off when I'm around to discipline T but he cannot do it lor. argghhh
Same here. T has alternatives at home too. The MAID ! Whereas Pixie's Xandall has only her to love. It's easier to discipline X in pixie's way I think. When I'm angry at T he will go find his alternatives and ignore me totally after that. I'll be invisible to him.
precious moments
We quarrelled many times bcos of our different parenting styles ! I want him to totally hands off when I'm around to discipline T but he cannot do it lor. argghhh
angelwind
Active Member
chaye
my maid dun dare to discpline x1...i told her before, its me and my hb's job she cannot tell x1 what is right or wrong. x1 has to learn to differentiate that on his own. furthermore her rights may not be my rights, her wrongs may not be my wrongs too, you get what i mean?
if she see something wrong, she has to tell me and i will discipline x1. 1 single point of contact. no 2 ways about it, leaves no room for our kids to know who can they push, who they cannot push (boundaries)
got 1 time she tell x1 cannot take scissors. i told her off. coz to me, x1 can take. he has to learn how to use them. if he hurt himself, its a lesson well learnt. but to my maid, its dangerous.
my maid dun dare to discpline x1...i told her before, its me and my hb's job she cannot tell x1 what is right or wrong. x1 has to learn to differentiate that on his own. furthermore her rights may not be my rights, her wrongs may not be my wrongs too, you get what i mean?
if she see something wrong, she has to tell me and i will discipline x1. 1 single point of contact. no 2 ways about it, leaves no room for our kids to know who can they push, who they cannot push (boundaries)
got 1 time she tell x1 cannot take scissors. i told her off. coz to me, x1 can take. he has to learn how to use them. if he hurt himself, its a lesson well learnt. but to my maid, its dangerous.
xiaoyun,
HR's terrible 2s were very manageable, cos he took to reasoning and distraction very well. We hardly needed to scold him, the phase went through pretty peacefully with only 1 or 2 times of big tantrums. So we were not very experienced in handling tantrum.
This time round is different. Like Yvonne said, scolding, shouting, threatening has become daily affair :-(
Our parenting style is pretty similar to what Pixie is practicising. Acknowledge his feeling, talk to him, talk and talk, reason, bargaining (eg, 5 more minutes then we close tv). At the end of it, if nothing works, either I lost my temper and scold him, or I ignore him totally and he sure comes back to me to say sorry and hugs and kisses me.
We actually know what works for him. But the thing is, we are concern about losing the fine balance of giving in to him too often. Take an example, we limit tv time to 30min per day, just before bedtime. Before the program is going to end, I will notify him, just 5 min to go and we have to go to bed. When the program ends, we switch off the tv. He would say he wants 5 more min. We give in and let him watch a little while, and he willingly went to bed, previously. But nowadays, after the 2nd 5 min, he asks for another 5 min, then after that he asks for 8min, 10min, then says have to wait till zero min, etc, just to prolong the time to test our limit. When I start to be firm and said it's the last time, sometimes he is okay, sometimes he wails badly said another 5 min. When he starts to wail, we start to struggle, either to force him to the room with his crying badly, or give him a stern warning and said this is the last 5min. If we do the later, he would go in to the bedroom happily and obediently. To us, this is a bit over-doing it. When I told my mum over the phone, she said we should give in till he is older. But now she sees it how it happens, she said yes, at times we need to be firmed with him, else he may become too demanding, not knowing the limit. SO ya, we are struggling in finding the fine balance.
And another thing is, HR has super good memory. He remembers exactly how I scolded him, how I have reasoned with him. He used the exact same words and same tone to scold meimei, exactly like me!! When I try to reason to him about the same thing, he said no, it's not like that, last time you said this and this, not that!! So my another struggle is to be very careful on what I use when talking to him. He is very very close to me, so I have to be a good example to him. When I lost temper often last month, he was also becoming more bad temper.
Oh, and, the good boy chart still works for him. So we are still using esp when he demands to buy a new toy or some candies.
It's never late so start showing lots of love to your kids. Why stick to the traditional chinese way? Drop that. Start to give them a big hug and a big kiss in the morning, when drop them to cc, pick them up at cc, while playing, and before nightime. This kind of special close contact does wonder in making a relationship works well! I was from a traditional chinese family, even till now, I never say how I love my parents and never give them a hug, let alone a kiss. But my kids are growing up with lots of hugs and kisses everyday. My parents see the different and they agree it's very different, it makes our family much closer! Try it!!
HR's terrible 2s were very manageable, cos he took to reasoning and distraction very well. We hardly needed to scold him, the phase went through pretty peacefully with only 1 or 2 times of big tantrums. So we were not very experienced in handling tantrum.
This time round is different. Like Yvonne said, scolding, shouting, threatening has become daily affair :-(
Our parenting style is pretty similar to what Pixie is practicising. Acknowledge his feeling, talk to him, talk and talk, reason, bargaining (eg, 5 more minutes then we close tv). At the end of it, if nothing works, either I lost my temper and scold him, or I ignore him totally and he sure comes back to me to say sorry and hugs and kisses me.
We actually know what works for him. But the thing is, we are concern about losing the fine balance of giving in to him too often. Take an example, we limit tv time to 30min per day, just before bedtime. Before the program is going to end, I will notify him, just 5 min to go and we have to go to bed. When the program ends, we switch off the tv. He would say he wants 5 more min. We give in and let him watch a little while, and he willingly went to bed, previously. But nowadays, after the 2nd 5 min, he asks for another 5 min, then after that he asks for 8min, 10min, then says have to wait till zero min, etc, just to prolong the time to test our limit. When I start to be firm and said it's the last time, sometimes he is okay, sometimes he wails badly said another 5 min. When he starts to wail, we start to struggle, either to force him to the room with his crying badly, or give him a stern warning and said this is the last 5min. If we do the later, he would go in to the bedroom happily and obediently. To us, this is a bit over-doing it. When I told my mum over the phone, she said we should give in till he is older. But now she sees it how it happens, she said yes, at times we need to be firmed with him, else he may become too demanding, not knowing the limit. SO ya, we are struggling in finding the fine balance.
And another thing is, HR has super good memory. He remembers exactly how I scolded him, how I have reasoned with him. He used the exact same words and same tone to scold meimei, exactly like me!! When I try to reason to him about the same thing, he said no, it's not like that, last time you said this and this, not that!! So my another struggle is to be very careful on what I use when talking to him. He is very very close to me, so I have to be a good example to him. When I lost temper often last month, he was also becoming more bad temper.
Oh, and, the good boy chart still works for him. So we are still using esp when he demands to buy a new toy or some candies.
It's never late so start showing lots of love to your kids. Why stick to the traditional chinese way? Drop that. Start to give them a big hug and a big kiss in the morning, when drop them to cc, pick them up at cc, while playing, and before nightime. This kind of special close contact does wonder in making a relationship works well! I was from a traditional chinese family, even till now, I never say how I love my parents and never give them a hug, let alone a kiss. But my kids are growing up with lots of hugs and kisses everyday. My parents see the different and they agree it's very different, it makes our family much closer! Try it!!
i am definitely not the calm one though i tried. (not a very calm person) 
in terms of setting a limit for her, i dun normally give in. 5 mins is 5 mins. no more extension. and count down before times up works too. i've not much problem to handle her alone when there's no other ppl at home. she can stop her crying very fast when i manage to identify her feeling and takes the reasoning very well.
problem is she knows how to push the limits very well. i find that her behavior is the worst when she's at in-laws place. she can wail non-stop 'i want mama (grandma)..., i want yiyi (aunt), i want gonggong (grandpa), i want daddy...' when she can't things she wants. hai...
sometimes i really wish i can bring her to somewhere inaccessible by the grandparents so that she can be well-behaved. hai...
for showing the love for her? we are still too shy to say it out in words. haha...
hugs and kisses is always there, just don't know why 'i love you' is so difficult to come out from the mouth. at the very most is 'i like you'
in terms of setting a limit for her, i dun normally give in. 5 mins is 5 mins. no more extension. and count down before times up works too. i've not much problem to handle her alone when there's no other ppl at home. she can stop her crying very fast when i manage to identify her feeling and takes the reasoning very well.
problem is she knows how to push the limits very well. i find that her behavior is the worst when she's at in-laws place. she can wail non-stop 'i want mama (grandma)..., i want yiyi (aunt), i want gonggong (grandpa), i want daddy...' when she can't things she wants. hai...
sometimes i really wish i can bring her to somewhere inaccessible by the grandparents so that she can be well-behaved. hai...
for showing the love for her? we are still too shy to say it out in words. haha...
hugs and kisses is always there, just don't know why 'i love you' is so difficult to come out from the mouth.
at the very most is 'i like you' Pixie,
Yeah my hb and urs can shake hands! It's so true what u said, love begets love, anger begets anger.
Chaye,
I think my hb and I must agree to disagree, so when he discipline I let him do his way, but when I disciopine he shld also do likewise. Cos i feel it's not gd to contradict each other in front of child, but I always behind their backs trying to pyscho him e.g not to shout and hit them. So far not working tho.
Kam,
Agree with you that we shld be a gd example to our kids always. My older gal will also scold mei mei the same way we parents scold them. There was once she even threatened to tiak mei mei, errr you know the action of flicking her finger on her. I was so shocked and she told me grandma did that.
Talking abt pushing limits, I usu give in 2-3 times then I will stop already. My #2 also know how to bargain for last 5 mins! learn fr Che Che, tho I also dunno if she really understands what it means.
Yeah my hb and urs can shake hands! It's so true what u said, love begets love, anger begets anger.
Chaye,
I think my hb and I must agree to disagree, so when he discipline I let him do his way, but when I disciopine he shld also do likewise. Cos i feel it's not gd to contradict each other in front of child, but I always behind their backs trying to pyscho him e.g not to shout and hit them. So far not working tho.
Kam,
Agree with you that we shld be a gd example to our kids always. My older gal will also scold mei mei the same way we parents scold them. There was once she even threatened to tiak mei mei, errr you know the action of flicking her finger on her. I was so shocked and she told me grandma did that.
Talking abt pushing limits, I usu give in 2-3 times then I will stop already. My #2 also know how to bargain for last 5 mins! learn fr Che Che, tho I also dunno if she really understands what it means.
Nowadays the 3 year olds can argue so well, they put us at a loss of words sometimes. B also tend to argue with me on every single issue, just pushing our boundaries and pushing his luck! Reasoning don't work well cos they just tune out what we're saying and continue to argue their way to victory. I don't usually give in so I end up punishing him and he'll give me more whining...sigh!
angelwind
Active Member
pm
i have been told by parents expert that it is OK to have different ways of discipline. we as adults must find the balance to what we feel right vs our spouse's style vs how our child reacts to my style.
its always WIP - work in progress
but i was also being told, we cannot correct our spouse infront of our kids. even though hb wrong, must correct behind your child's back. must stand united at the front so that your child dont climb onto you or prefer papa or mama
i have been told by parents expert that it is OK to have different ways of discipline. we as adults must find the balance to what we feel right vs our spouse's style vs how our child reacts to my style.
its always WIP - work in progress
but i was also being told, we cannot correct our spouse infront of our kids. even though hb wrong, must correct behind your child's back. must stand united at the front so that your child dont climb onto you or prefer papa or mama
kam,
what safety workshop u attended? i've just checked with my engineers & manager who attended safety workshop/program but they never came across about 'grow in the dark thingy' emits radiation? I mean by how? Now that u mentioned kinda makes me worry cos i've pasted the stars & moon stickers that grow in the dark in my boys' room for almost 6mths!!
what safety workshop u attended? i've just checked with my engineers & manager who attended safety workshop/program but they never came across about 'grow in the dark thingy' emits radiation? I mean by how? Now that u mentioned kinda makes me worry cos i've pasted the stars & moon stickers that grow in the dark in my boys' room for almost 6mths!!
Xiaoyun,
So when you hug and kiss them, you don't say anything? Or just say, come, give mummy a hug/kiss? No offence ah, just curious
Yes, I understand how the "intervention" of grandparents or other family members can affect parenting. And yes, you are right, for me, it's very easy, cos me and hub are on the same page, we compromised and then practice the agreed parenting methods, and we don't have any family members here on a long term basis. My parents come to stay with us now and then, during this time, yes, the kids get to be break more "rules" and we are more relax about the "rules" cos the kids only get to see them so rarely so just let them enjoy the fun than to worry on breaking rules. Plus my mum is the greatest mum, she respects our parenting style totally and go along with our way as much as she can. HR changed so much during the few weeks my brother was here, cos he knows jiujiu loves him very much and would give in to any of his requests! They are way too smart than us adults!
I think at the end of the day, if there is no way you can change the grandparents way of doing things or pampering the kids, you have to change your mindset, change your way of parenting to suit them, so that you would be able to enjoy your kids more.
precious_moments,
Ya loh. The first time he did that, we laughed until tear dropped. But after that, thinking back, I felt very bad and regretted on showing such a bad example for him to learn.
Yvonne,
The thing is I hate and I cannot take kids whining. I rather to have peace, so I give in as much as I can handle. Just wish this is the right way for him to grow.
So when you hug and kiss them, you don't say anything? Or just say, come, give mummy a hug/kiss? No offence ah, just curious
Yes, I understand how the "intervention" of grandparents or other family members can affect parenting. And yes, you are right, for me, it's very easy, cos me and hub are on the same page, we compromised and then practice the agreed parenting methods, and we don't have any family members here on a long term basis. My parents come to stay with us now and then, during this time, yes, the kids get to be break more "rules" and we are more relax about the "rules" cos the kids only get to see them so rarely so just let them enjoy the fun than to worry on breaking rules. Plus my mum is the greatest mum, she respects our parenting style totally and go along with our way as much as she can. HR changed so much during the few weeks my brother was here, cos he knows jiujiu loves him very much and would give in to any of his requests! They are way too smart than us adults!
I think at the end of the day, if there is no way you can change the grandparents way of doing things or pampering the kids, you have to change your mindset, change your way of parenting to suit them, so that you would be able to enjoy your kids more.
precious_moments,
Ya loh. The first time he did that, we laughed until tear dropped. But after that, thinking back, I felt very bad and regretted on showing such a bad example for him to learn.
Yvonne,
The thing is I hate and I cannot take kids whining. I rather to have peace, so I give in as much as I can handle. Just wish this is the right way for him to grow.
Kam,
interesting question.
i will just call out her name, ask her how's her day, etc
my gal sees my PIL at least 6 days a week, and my FIL doesn't really agree with how I teach my gals although we never quarrel about it.
When I am around, FIL will say: you cannot do this, cannot do that. otherwise mummy will scold. then when i scold her, he will 'help me' to scold her also.
When I am not around, FIL just let her do watever she wants.
hence, the signal my gal get is that i can't do this/that because mummy not allow or mummy made her scolded by gonggong. (instead of doing this/that is no good).
can give me any suggestion on how to change my mindset/parenting style?
re: quarrel in front of kids
in fact it's ok to quarrel in front of kids for the sake of resolving conflicts.
no vulgar words, no banging tables, no shouting, etc.
it's natural to have conflicts and it's important on how to solve it. kids can learn it too..
interesting question.
i will just call out her name, ask her how's her day, etc
my gal sees my PIL at least 6 days a week, and my FIL doesn't really agree with how I teach my gals although we never quarrel about it.
When I am around, FIL will say: you cannot do this, cannot do that. otherwise mummy will scold. then when i scold her, he will 'help me' to scold her also.
When I am not around, FIL just let her do watever she wants.
hence, the signal my gal get is that i can't do this/that because mummy not allow or mummy made her scolded by gonggong. (instead of doing this/that is no good).
can give me any suggestion on how to change my mindset/parenting style?
re: quarrel in front of kids
in fact it's ok to quarrel in front of kids for the sake of resolving conflicts.
no vulgar words, no banging tables, no shouting, etc.
it's natural to have conflicts and it's important on how to solve it. kids can learn it too..
angelwind
Active Member
xy
just to share, we always play "kissing games"
1. whenever i hug my boy and want to kiss him, i act forceful and force kisses on him, he will act dont want and push me away. usually its all fun n giggly one, we ended up rolling on the sofa, floor or bed
2. i kiss my son when i deposit him in cc. i will give lots of fast kisses. then he will say "slower" then i will do sloowwwww kisses, then once he say "faster!" i will kiss very fast. he will keep saying faster or slower to change my tempo of kisses
issit a bad habit? i dunno. maybe ppl say not hygienic but my son and i love to play silly games like these and he wants to kiss me every now and then de
but we dont kiss on each other lips. just cheeks and forehead only
just to share, we always play "kissing games"
1. whenever i hug my boy and want to kiss him, i act forceful and force kisses on him, he will act dont want and push me away. usually its all fun n giggly one, we ended up rolling on the sofa, floor or bed
2. i kiss my son when i deposit him in cc. i will give lots of fast kisses. then he will say "slower" then i will do sloowwwww kisses, then once he say "faster!" i will kiss very fast. he will keep saying faster or slower to change my tempo of kisses
issit a bad habit? i dunno. maybe ppl say not hygienic but my son and i love to play silly games like these and he wants to kiss me every now and then de
but we dont kiss on each other lips. just cheeks and forehead only
Talking about terrific 3s & terrible 2s...i've exactly 2 (#1 42mths & #2 29mths) at home & both boys...so u can imagine 'chaos'...luckily me & hb still surviving. When the boys are really well-behaved, probably for only 15 to 20mins if we were lucky, next moment they'll be in their cheeky mode & mischief act again! Yesterday, Z was trying to bite R's hand again but MIL stop him in time & he got startled when my MIL raised her voice upon seeing his wanna bite action. He quickly let go R's hand & pretended innocent. When being questioned, he can still tell my MIL that, "我不是故意的"! We have to explain & remind him several times that what he did was not acceptable & he gotta admit at fault & say sorry etc when he has done something wrong. Recently i've been having a tough fight with Z when come shower time. He'll refuse, whine & cry loudly...not sure why, end up sometime have to threaten & use cane cos my voice were dry & patience up trying to coax him into showering happily. In return, Z will say sobbing.."Mummy,我不爱你了,我不要跟你讲话了"...can be upsetting but then again, after awhile when he has sorted out his thoughts/calm down, he'll come to me & say, Mummy i love u! and will come & hug & kiss me...temperamental boy!
steph,
I replied you regarding the glow in the dark thingy. How come it didn't appear here?!!! Grrrr.....
Basically, like I said, it's very very very small quantity that it doesn't really pose any harm to human. I heard this from a Biosafety training officer a few years back. And this is what I got from Mr Google:
From stickers to toys, an object's ability to glow in the dark instantly adds to its appeal. Making things glow in the dark is a simple matter of chemistry.
The most common way of making an object glow in the dark is to use chemicals called phosphors to produce light. These kind of glow-in-the-dark objects need to be exposed to light, or charged, in order to glow. The light energizes the phosphors and excites their electrons. As the electrons lose this extra energy, they release it as a light of their own.
Scientists have created numerous phosphors in the lab, but zinc sulfide and strontium aluminate are the ones that are most commonly used in glow-in-the-dark products, with strontium aluminate being the longer lasting of the two. The chemicals are mixed right in with the plastic that is molded into glow in the dark stars for your ceiling or added to the pigment of your Halloween make-up.
On rare occasions, something will glow in the dark without needing to be charged. These items still use phosphors to create the glow, but they add a radioactive element like radium to the compound. The radioactive element gives off small amounts of radiation, not enough to be dangerous, that constantly charge the phosphors in the same way a light would. Radiation-charged phosphors are typically used on clock or watch hands that need to glow hours after a light has been turned off.
Another way to make objects glow in the dark is through chemiluminescence, a chemical reaction. Two chemicals are mixed together, and the resulting reaction causes electrons to become excited, moving to a higher energy level. When the electrons return to normal levels, they release light energy, producing a glow. This is the type of reaction that is used to create the light in glow sticks.
I replied you regarding the glow in the dark thingy. How come it didn't appear here?!!! Grrrr.....
Basically, like I said, it's very very very small quantity that it doesn't really pose any harm to human. I heard this from a Biosafety training officer a few years back. And this is what I got from Mr Google:
From stickers to toys, an object's ability to glow in the dark instantly adds to its appeal. Making things glow in the dark is a simple matter of chemistry.
The most common way of making an object glow in the dark is to use chemicals called phosphors to produce light. These kind of glow-in-the-dark objects need to be exposed to light, or charged, in order to glow. The light energizes the phosphors and excites their electrons. As the electrons lose this extra energy, they release it as a light of their own.
Scientists have created numerous phosphors in the lab, but zinc sulfide and strontium aluminate are the ones that are most commonly used in glow-in-the-dark products, with strontium aluminate being the longer lasting of the two. The chemicals are mixed right in with the plastic that is molded into glow in the dark stars for your ceiling or added to the pigment of your Halloween make-up.
On rare occasions, something will glow in the dark without needing to be charged. These items still use phosphors to create the glow, but they add a radioactive element like radium to the compound. The radioactive element gives off small amounts of radiation, not enough to be dangerous, that constantly charge the phosphors in the same way a light would. Radiation-charged phosphors are typically used on clock or watch hands that need to glow hours after a light has been turned off.
Another way to make objects glow in the dark is through chemiluminescence, a chemical reaction. Two chemicals are mixed together, and the resulting reaction causes electrons to become excited, moving to a higher energy level. When the electrons return to normal levels, they release light energy, producing a glow. This is the type of reaction that is used to create the light in glow sticks.
Kam,
I also cannot tahan his whinning...and he's so GOOD at it. I totally can't stand it but if I give in to him once, he'll push his luck harder next time and I'm not prepared to give in all the time. Now I become a horrible mummy, only scream, shout, scold and punish him all day long...haha.
I also cannot tahan his whinning...and he's so GOOD at it. I totally can't stand it but if I give in to him once, he'll push his luck harder next time and I'm not prepared to give in all the time. Now I become a horrible mummy, only scream, shout, scold and punish him all day long...haha.
mom2nat,
Your bb still very young right? How come you have med for him already? If he sleeps well and drinks well, I would let it run its course. If not, I would bring him in for a check, as young baby is vulnerable to bugs.
xiaoyun,
I am not an expert leh What I am trying to say is, 当你不能改变外在的条件时，你唯有调整自己. Got what I mean
This morning, my blood was boiling so fiercely because of the HR tantrum throwing. I was very sad because XY was very well behaved, but because I was angry, I scolded her unnecessarily. Then when reached to cc, I just left them there, forcing them letting go of me, and left them there crying, cos I was so angry with HR that my tear was bursting out any minute. When I drove to the office, I called my hub and let it out, wah lao, cried like mad I tell you, made my hub so worried. But I felt better after that. Then thinking back of the incident, I think HR is really pushing my limits, and trying to be unreasonable, and XY is a very poor victim, and me can actually be more calm and don't let my anger linger for too long. Bad start of the morning. But I am all okay now.
Your bb still very young right? How come you have med for him already? If he sleeps well and drinks well, I would let it run its course. If not, I would bring him in for a check, as young baby is vulnerable to bugs.
xiaoyun,
I am not an expert leh
What I am trying to say is, 当你不能改变外在的条件时，你唯有调整自己. Got what I mean This morning, my blood was boiling so fiercely because of the HR tantrum throwing. I was very sad because XY was very well behaved, but because I was angry, I scolded her unnecessarily. Then when reached to cc, I just left them there, forcing them letting go of me, and left them there crying, cos I was so angry with HR that my tear was bursting out any minute. When I drove to the office, I called my hub and let it out, wah lao, cried like mad I tell you, made my hub so worried. But I felt better after that. Then thinking back of the incident, I think HR is really pushing my limits, and trying to be unreasonable, and XY is a very poor victim, and me can actually be more calm and don't let my anger linger for too long. Bad start of the morning. But I am all okay now.
Kam
I have progesic cos he took vaccine, fever med on standby. For fever I surely give med, cos young children tendency to get fits. I won't act hero then end up game over!! Oso dunno where he get the fever from. I try not to bring bb out, but mil n maid can't pacify him. Sigh....
I have progesic cos he took vaccine, fever med on standby. For fever I surely give med, cos young children tendency to get fits. I won't act hero then end up game over!! Oso dunno where he get the fever from. I try not to bring bb out, but mil n maid can't pacify him. Sigh....
angelwind
Active Member
mom2nat
i will worry too if my #2 is having fever, but to me as long as dont high persistent fever i will usually wait
kam
HUGS hope u feeling ok
hope HR pass this stage real soon hor...
when x2 makes me bz, i short temper at x1 too. very bad i know
we are like new parents every single day
i will worry too if my #2 is having fever, but to me as long as dont high persistent fever i will usually wait
kam
HUGS hope u feeling ok
hope HR pass this stage real soon hor...
when x2 makes me bz, i short temper at x1 too. very bad i know
we are like new parents every single day
angelwind
Active Member
mom2nat
my gal just took vaccine last sat..........
ur darius (issit this spelling?) got fever? u took 5in1 or 6in1? i took 6in1...she no fever BUT her milk intake PLUNGE...no appetite
we cannot even put into her 360ml in daytime. nightime is latch so i dunno...so avg 500ml a day, very little?
only yesterday climbed back, managed 4x120ml in the daytime, which is her std intake
my gal just took vaccine last sat..........
ur darius (issit this spelling?) got fever? u took 5in1 or 6in1? i took 6in1...she no fever BUT her milk intake PLUNGE...no appetite
we cannot even put into her 360ml in daytime. nightime is latch so i dunno...so avg 500ml a day, very little?
only yesterday climbed back, managed 4x120ml in the daytime, which is her std intake
Kam,
hope you are feeling better now.
i was so guilty towards #1 after i scolded her when she refused to let me bathe/touch her and kept crying for yiyi. that's when she's not feeling well - high fever, stomachache + yucky stomachache medicine. hb purposely made me guilty by saying #1 so poorthing, fever already still get scolded. etc. tears rolled in my eyes...
was wondering what mistakes i made when taking care of the little ones. is there any blindspots that i overlooked.
signed up for a class regarding 'ai4 de jiao4 yu4' last night hoping that i can have some enlightenment. -- the class turns out to be a very profound one. require a lot more reading and thinking..
before i go for my class, #1 put up a sad face. saying "mummy, wo3 yao4 ni3..." o.. that melts me. @.@
and my sis told me that she kept looking for me during the 2 hrs that i was not around. (i was so happy when i hear that).
didn't know that she will miss me as i've always be with her except goes to work. that's why i never know that she will actually miss me..
(secretly thinking that i should go out more so that she will realise that mummy is very important.)
hope you are feeling better now.
i was so guilty towards #1 after i scolded her when she refused to let me bathe/touch her and kept crying for yiyi. that's when she's not feeling well - high fever, stomachache + yucky stomachache medicine. hb purposely made me guilty by saying #1 so poorthing, fever already still get scolded. etc. tears rolled in my eyes...
was wondering what mistakes i made when taking care of the little ones. is there any blindspots that i overlooked.
signed up for a class regarding 'ai4 de jiao4 yu4' last night hoping that i can have some enlightenment. -- the class turns out to be a very profound one. require a lot more reading and thinking..
before i go for my class, #1 put up a sad face. saying "mummy, wo3 yao4 ni3..." o.. that melts me. @.@
and my sis told me that she kept looking for me during the 2 hrs that i was not around. (i was so happy when i hear that).
didn't know that she will miss me as i've always be with her except goes to work. that's why i never know that she will actually miss me..
(secretly thinking that i should go out more so that she will realise that mummy is very important.
)pixie / chaye,
Thanks. Ya man, hope this phase passes soon. This is a very important phase for him actually, the older generation said 三岁定八十, meaning how he is at 3yo determined what a person he would be at 80yo! So I want and I hope I can guide him well and provide the best for him.
Xiaoyun,
Haha. I understand what you said. I went off for 1 night to attend a company night event, which I enjoyed a lot. But hor, my HR got so angry with me. He told me the next morning, Baba can go to work, Mama cannot go to work (at night), Mama must be at home playing with me!
I will be going to India for 1 week next week. On one hand, I really don't mind a (long) break from the kids and the routine, knowing that my parents and my hub will have no problem handling them; on the other hand, I worry if that would hurt them badly (as in they miss me lots plus not able to understand why mummy is not around for so many days. I already told HR that I am going to India, he asked me every now and then, mama you work in india, but I haven't told him that I won't be around for a few days, and I am thinking if I should tell him or how should I tell him. Maybe ask hub tonight.
Am so glad boss came back and went off again. Else I cannot rant like what I am doing now
What course did you sign up? Can share? And what you have learnt? Share with us leh.....
Thanks. Ya man, hope this phase passes soon. This is a very important phase for him actually, the older generation said 三岁定八十, meaning how he is at 3yo determined what a person he would be at 80yo! So I want and I hope I can guide him well and provide the best for him.
Xiaoyun,
Haha. I understand what you said. I went off for 1 night to attend a company night event, which I enjoyed a lot. But hor, my HR got so angry with me. He told me the next morning, Baba can go to work, Mama cannot go to work (at night), Mama must be at home playing with me!
I will be going to India for 1 week next week. On one hand, I really don't mind a (long) break from the kids and the routine, knowing that my parents and my hub will have no problem handling them; on the other hand, I worry if that would hurt them badly (as in they miss me lots plus not able to understand why mummy is not around for so many days. I already told HR that I am going to India, he asked me every now and then, mama you work in india, but I haven't told him that I won't be around for a few days, and I am thinking if I should tell him or how should I tell him. Maybe ask hub tonight.
Am so glad boss came back and went off again. Else I cannot rant like what I am doing now
What course did you sign up? Can share? And what you have learnt? Share with us leh.....
Kam
It happens to me too. I scold the kids cos piss w maid, or one trigger I scold another. Worse when I go on ranting like crazy woman. We usually feel bad after tat but at the moment can't tahan. U r a great mom. It's ok for us to have meltdown too! Hee...
Pixie
Yup, Darius. He took at 2nd mth, 6 in 1. He was having running nose tat time but doc say well enuf so went ahead. He takes v small meals. Each feed 80-120ml. Sometimes 40ml leh. I got a lot of milk in freezer, dunno how. Ur gal takes 500ml in total, still got latch? Hopefully she will drink more soon
It happens to me too. I scold the kids cos piss w maid, or one trigger I scold another. Worse when I go on ranting like crazy woman. We usually feel bad after tat but at the moment can't tahan. U r a great mom. It's ok for us to have meltdown too! Hee...
Pixie
Yup, Darius. He took at 2nd mth, 6 in 1. He was having running nose tat time but doc say well enuf so went ahead. He takes v small meals. Each feed 80-120ml. Sometimes 40ml leh. I got a lot of milk in freezer, dunno how. Ur gal takes 500ml in total, still got latch? Hopefully she will drink more soon
pixie,
here's the information of the classes.
http://www.xiyaoculture.org/shopdisplaycategories.asp?id=24&cat=%B6%AB%D1%C7%C8%CB%CE%C4%D1%D0%BE%BF%CB%F9%2B%CF%B2%D2%AB%CE%C4%BB%AF%D1%A7%BB%E1%BF%CE%B3%CC
http://www.xiyaoculture.org/shopdisplayproducts.asp?id=28&cat=%C9%FA%C3%FC%BD%CC%D3%FD
it's conducted in chinese/mandarin.
i think the pace is quite slow and require a lot of thinking and reading. you can try if you like.
to me, no more this kind of classes in the near future. i cannot 'digest' it very well.
here's the information of the classes.
http://www.xiyaoculture.org/shopdisplaycategories.asp?id=24&cat=%B6%AB%D1%C7%C8%CB%CE%C4%D1%D0%BE%BF%CB%F9%2B%CF%B2%D2%AB%CE%C4%BB%AF%D1%A7%BB%E1%BF%CE%B3%CC
http://www.xiyaoculture.org/shopdisplayproducts.asp?id=28&cat=%C9%FA%C3%FC%BD%CC%D3%FD
it's conducted in chinese/mandarin.
i think the pace is quite slow and require a lot of thinking and reading. you can try if you like.
to me, no more this kind of classes in the near future. i cannot 'digest' it very well.
angelwind
Active Member
xiaoyun
alamak my chinese very bad i doubt can understand the "teachings" but ill try to attend it. no harm
mom2nat
i mean 500ml in total including latching. meaning daytime she takes at least 3x120ml,ideally we aim to give her 4x120ml, then at night is latch...i dunno how much, so yes min 500ml if calculate.....
i donated my febm regularly to a march2011 mummy. i nanny to her gal lor...
i heard got a mummy looking for febm, 50pkts, u have this much?
alamak my chinese very bad i doubt can understand the "teachings" but ill try to attend it. no harm
mom2nat
i mean 500ml in total including latching. meaning daytime she takes at least 3x120ml,ideally we aim to give her 4x120ml, then at night is latch...i dunno how much, so yes min 500ml if calculate.....
i donated my febm regularly to a march2011 mummy. i nanny to her gal lor...
i heard got a mummy looking for febm, 50pkts, u have this much?
xiaoyun,
Thank you so much for sharing!!! I think this would suit me very well! There have courses for 3-12yo too. The classes just started leh, else I would definitely enroll HR. Would register for a class or two if hub agress to take care of the kids. How I wish I live near to Kaki Bukit. You and Krystle live near there right? They have a childcare too!!! Do your kids attend this cc? And have few good primary schools around there? Gosh, should I ask hub to move there? Though it would be too far for me to travel to work :-( Okay, I am over excited liao.
This is one of the interview with the guru that I found from goggling, so that you can have a feel what his teaching is about. But it's in traditional chinese and it's very wordy:
http://www.xiyaofund.org.hk/web/word/0008.htm
Thank you so much for sharing!!! I think this would suit me very well! There have courses for 3-12yo too. The classes just started leh, else I would definitely enroll HR. Would register for a class or two if hub agress to take care of the kids. How I wish I live near to Kaki Bukit. You and Krystle live near there right? They have a childcare too!!! Do your kids attend this cc? And have few good primary schools around there? Gosh, should I ask hub to move there? Though it would be too far for me to travel to work :-( Okay, I am over excited liao.
This is one of the interview with the guru that I found from goggling, so that you can have a feel what his teaching is about. But it's in traditional chinese and it's very wordy:
http://www.xiyaofund.org.hk/web/word/0008.htm
Kam,
#1 is now attending the 3-12 yo classes with another 2 Feb08 kids. 2 classes already, so far cannot see much progress.
didn't know you will be interested, otherwise will jio you when they started the class 2 weeks ago. never mind, the class is continuous one, can always join in Sept when the new term starts.
she's very ok for the first lesson, but teacher told me that she didn't participate during the second lesson.
i am switching her to the childcare there next year. 1 of the reason for me to put her on the weekend class there is for her to slowly transit to this new school.
good primary school here is Maha Bodhi (hope i get the spelling correct). very popular and good school, think you will like the school too. they have buddhist 'enrichment' class after school.
come, come, move near me!!
#1 is now attending the 3-12 yo classes with another 2 Feb08 kids. 2 classes already, so far cannot see much progress.
didn't know you will be interested, otherwise will jio you when they started the class 2 weeks ago. never mind, the class is continuous one, can always join in Sept when the new term starts.
she's very ok for the first lesson, but teacher told me that she didn't participate during the second lesson.
i am switching her to the childcare there next year. 1 of the reason for me to put her on the weekend class there is for her to slowly transit to this new school.
good primary school here is Maha Bodhi (hope i get the spelling correct). very popular and good school, think you will like the school too. they have buddhist 'enrichment' class after school.
come, come, move near me!!
Hi, Xiao Yun,
haha..... my FIL is like your FIL. He gave whole cone ice cream and one big packet of crackers to my E recently; and E coughed. My MIL scolded him, he answered"must eat more, get used to it, then no sick any more." Jialat.....
For me & my hubby, we tried to teach E that different person has different pattern. When She refused to listen to us, E must give us reasons. Which is more valid? Haha..... guess that I make her think too much, derive too much.
haha..... my FIL is like your FIL. He gave whole cone ice cream and one big packet of crackers to my E recently; and E coughed. My MIL scolded him, he answered"must eat more, get used to it, then no sick any more." Jialat.....
For me & my hubby, we tried to teach E that different person has different pattern. When She refused to listen to us, E must give us reasons. Which is more valid? Haha..... guess that I make her think too much, derive too much.
