Hi Meilan!
Good to see you here again!
I was about to drop you an email after having read what you'd written in another thread.
I'm a bad mother too. I scold my children, chastise them (I mean, caning on the buttocks) and sometimes I even send them to a quiet corner for "eons" (to them) - which is very often the bathroom, and not their rooms. I'm also exasperated by all their tantrums, and they always seem to be giving me a hard time, especially when I drop Bryan off or pick him up from school. They will be playing tag or hide and seek with me and refuse to put on/take off their coats/shoes etc - I feel rotten every day and am upset with myself that I can't control my temper and explode in front of my kids. I think we all know what a bad day is.
Bryan's been having this crying for no reason nonsense ever since we came back from Sg. He will also cry and act up when an adult seats him down to talk to him - for he knows he's in the wrong and he knows what to anticipate from such a talk - like he's been misbehaving blah blah - And it came to one fine evening when I finally gave him a good chastisement after having heard from my husband that he was snatching a hoop from his classmate the day before. He did not relent when the teacher offered him other hoops and in the end he was sent to the principal's office and given time out there. So that incident made 5 rules out of us. 1) Always listen (be obedient) to Daddy and Mommy. In school, teachers. 2) No fighting. 3)No snatching. 4) No crying for no reason. 5) Always share your toys and play together with your friends. From that day onwards, we will always fall back on these rules. Anytime he deviates from these rules, he can expect punishments.
I'm not saying that this is the solution to his tantrums. But they help to eliminate the times when he becomes unreasonable. Because with these rules now, I can explain to him what his crimes are and I can mete out punishment which is often in these days, no TV. Then it goes on to No TV and No Toys for the rest of the day or to He can't do anything at all now and I send him to bed immediately.
I do approve of chastisement, but I don't think anyone else can do it other than the parents themselves. So I don't think you should let the teacher cane your son esp when that's not even the school's policy. Coz we don't know how the teacher does it and if she does it in front of the whole class, it might be hard for JK to swallow the shame. And we also do not know what the teacher does after a caning incident. Coz the parents can spend lots of time talking to the child and then reconcile the conflict and finish it with a closure to the incident like a hug and assurance that Daddy and Mommy still love him. What does the teacher do exactly when the children misbehave? Is it shame/loss of dignity that is causing him not wanting to go back to school?
Have there been changes going on right now? Has he been feeding well and sleeping well? Has he been having nightmares causing him to feel lousy or cranky or disorientated?
Bryan's also not very forthcoming when I ask him about his day in class. But sometimes through play, I can tell what he's been learning in school. Play with JK. Play school at home. Or observe his play at home. Bryan is also not keen to learn anything at home either - he'd rather have his DVDs or VCDs anytime. I feel lousy too coz I have always imagining doing some homeschooling with him. I get the materials ready only to have him tell me he's not interested. But I've learnt to leave it. Just give him a break, after all he's done a lot in school in the morning already V Ill tell myself. So give yourself a break if JK doesn't want to do anything just yet.
I know you won't give up being a SAHM. You just need someone to talk to. It is sometimes very energy sapping trying to explain to a preschooler and sometimes I feel I just need sensible chit chats with adults to keep my sanity.
Sometimes I wonder why my children are such monsters, all out to get me, then sometimes I wonder why I'm such a monster, all out to get them, then when I hear stupid things like "Mommy, it's Q. Q for Cucumber!" Then I have to laugh. That's the reason why we stay at home. I'm still learning to enjoy my children. I still fail to too many times. I still hope I will not have to raise my voice at them more often than necessary. I try hard not to shout at them. But I still explode.
