Hi employers/parents… I hope it’s okay if I added to an existing thread and not create a new one. I recently joined this platform solely with the intention to warn others from hiring some FDW because they have caused me much mental distress and worry for the safety of my family.
I just wanted to share a difficult experience we had with one of our former Indonesian ex helpers - who unfortunately has been re-employed early this year. Her name is Oppi Lestari (WP: 0 09885XXX) - latest known FIN as of 2023 G8948XXXN. DOB XX-10-1996.
We first hired Oppi in 2020. Three months in, we caught her chatting and taking selfies with the other helpers downstairs at the playground, totally neglecting our 4 yo daughter who she was supposed to be watching. Our daughter eventually went home and up to our flat by herself, and Oppi didn’t even realise it until I went down to reprimand her.
Another incident, caught her playing mobile games (even when we already explicitly told her no phone use while tending to the children) while waiting for my daughter’s bus transport and she was not even aware my daughter had been playing in the driveway.
A year in, she was preparing milk for my 1yo and even when we already told her to wash her hands properly (this was the height of COVID - everyone was washing their hands properly!) before any F&B prep - she didn’t, and she handled eggs prior to the milk prep. My 1yo had an egg allergy and because there were traces of raw egg on the teat of the milk bottle (we found out MUCCCHHH later) he nearly went into anaphylactic shock (was already breathing in rasps) and had to be taken to the emergency room.
I had such a phobia since then I stopped asking her to help me tend to my baby and his consumption from then on.
We sat down with her and asked her what was going on and why she was so absent-minded. She told us about problems back home and all the things she was facing. We empathised at the time although on hindsight we realised it may just have been crocodile tears and sob stories.
A year and a half into her contract she indicated her desire to return home saying she does not want to work anymore. To us, we have given her a chance to prove herself again - and as mother I dislike changing helpers too often as it is difficult for my children to keep re-adapting. And they were already fairly fond of her.
Nevertheless we sent her back anyway, granting her wishes.
Fast forward three months later, we have yet to find a suitable replacement helper so my MIL told me to contact her to see if she would like to continue working for us.
We thought long and hard about whether to take in someone familiar with our style and has learnt and grown with us over time or to get someone entirely new. We went with the former.
So we rehired her in late 2022. What a major mistake that was.
We treated her very well since we already know her quirks and she is also quick to understand our expectations. However the problems did not start immediately.
A couple of months in, she came home from her off day sent by another helper (who was a stranger both to her and us) - apparently she was drunk.
Yes. She came home drunk and loopy… and reeked of alcohol, while my young children wondered what happened and why she was swaying.
I told her to clean up and we had another chat with her. Again with the family problems - but we just took it as her wanting to work here to run away from it. We still empathised at that point.
Nothing major happened in the next few months and we were due to move in the following year and everyone was pretty excited at this point. In March however, we had to temporarily move to my MIL’s place for about three months before our new home was move-in ready.
Two months in, she kept telling me how she was ill-treated by my MIL and how she is often scolded. She then says she thinks she wants to go back home. This was a one-sided story and we have no way of verifying apart from it becoming a he said/she said thing. I was shocked - I told her that we’re only here for a few months, you’ve been patient and we’ve worked together for so long before why the change of heart now. After all I did not take her back only for her to not finish her contract. I advised her to be patient just a little while longer because she told us she had no issues with us, just my MIL. It’s only a month away before we moved.
Two days later, she ran away.
So all that heart to heart talk was for nothing. She literally left under our noses, with only her passport, one of her phones and a sling bag with some clothes. It was a Saturday, everyone was home and we didn’t even realise she had left until a few hours later.
After many attempts at contacting her failed (she switched off her phone) - we reported her to the police.
I did not know where she slept over the weekend but it was two days later that I got a call from MOM - telling me she is there - and wants to return home. Got my agency to settle the flight, sending to airport etc.
We were left in a rut for several months because we were at a point where we could not even bear the cost to hire a new helper at the time as we were in between moving and it’s also not worth it. Had to make a deal with my workplace for an extended WFH arrangement for a few months (I nearly lost my job because of this - but didn’t, however it severely impacted my appraisal review), and we managed on our own for a while until we couldn’t anymore as my office gave an ultimatum either to return or “explore other solutions”.
So we literally had to beg, borrow (or steal!) to get a new helper in so I could return to work.
Our first replacement helper didn’t work out and we are now with our second replacement helper who also wants to transfer out after 7 months. Oy vey right? We don’t even have issues with her work. She is the one who wants to transfer citing things like we do not trust her etc. But seriously, if you come home on your day off with a huge black bag of stuff and put it outside the house, only to bring it in later, why would we not question you? This is our home and if you sneak stuff in, how would I know if they’re legal things or not? Isn’t it our right to know? So the fact that I checked, she tells me that we do not trust her therefore she cannot work here. She drops hair everywhere too even in food - I told her to wear a hairnet - she refuses - saying if you force me, I want to transfer. How is expecting food with no hair an extreme requirement? This current helper goes by the name of Khaerunnisa (WP: 0 09878XXX) latest FIN: G8943XXXQ. DOB: XX-06-1996. I do not recommend anyone hiring her either because she lies, cheats and is blatantly rude and stubborn. We also caught her reprimanding and hitting our son on camera for not wanting to sleep - something we will probably bring up on her last day. On top of that we have reason to believe she has been in contact with our prev helper Oppi.
A few days ago I received a WhatsApp text from a number claiming to be Oppi - she asked for her things back. I said we have discarded all her stuff. It’s been a year since she ran away and she still has the audacity to ask for her stuff. I threw them all away already. She then sent two older photographs of our current moved in home (probably taken earlier in the year) of a soft toy and a her clutch which she left in our home during renovation period and said “still on your bed”.
I told her - you want your stuff, find it in the trash we don’t have it anymore. But the real issue here is, HOW did you obtain photos from INSIDE my home? I told her I can report her for invasion of my privacy. After a few messages of back and forth and her claiming she has “evidence” I still have her stuff, I told her to please wake up and stop being so big-headed. Because she wants to pick an issue with me over a stuffed toy and a clutch which we have already discarded - rightly so too! Why would be hanging on to her stuff when she left us a while back?
We have reason to believe Khaerunnisa was the one who took the photos for her and sent it over while Oppi paid a visit (probably stalking our home at some point) - we didn’t have complete CCTV then. I feel unsafe in my own home that they could so easily be sharing things within my home externally.
I did make a police report for harassment but the IO said there is no offense because the photos did not include a person. I’m like - but they have probably stalked our home how can you say it’s not an offense. So that was when I am reminded again that our justice system is most often than not, reactive.
I am putting this here to warn others because I realise even if I put the feedback on MOM site - nothing will be done to ban them from entering.
