Angelica Cheng
Active Member
Me and my husband have been trying for a child for a few years. Last year, while I was undergoing IVF treatment, I was diagnosed with low ovarian reserves and poor egg quality. My doctor advised that my chances of conceiving a child with my own eggs are close to zero, and strongly recommended that I should use an egg donor.
Ever since then, I have been under intense pressure from my husband and in-laws to conceive a child via egg donation to continue their family bloodline. My in-laws run a traditional Chinese family business in the furniture industry with factories in Malaysia and Thailand. To have a grandson to continue their bloodline and take over their business is of utmost importance to them.
In fact, they want me to undergo IVF overseas, so that genetic selection (PGS) can be used to select a son instead of daughter, whereas sex selection is banned in Singapore. I had been thinking of using my cousin as egg donor, but in my in-law's eye, just having a blood relative as an egg donor is not good enough. My father-in-law had in fact contacted a mainland China agency that provides beautiful, talented and highly intelligent egg donors who are undergrads at the top elite universities in China. I find that scary, like being used as a guinea pig in an animal breeding experiment.
Recently, my husband hinted that he is considering to divorce me if I am unable to produce a son for him. I feel that this is a form of emotional blackmail, and smack of male chauvinism in traditional Chinese culture.
I have consulted my close friends, and there are varying opinions. Some have suggested leaving my husband, while others suggested that I should strive to fulfill my role as a woman and wife to achieve true happiness.
However, I am not psychologically comfortable with the idea of carrying another woman's child in my womb, and feel that the child by egg donation will not really be my own flesh and blood.
I am really confused. Please kindly advise how I should deal with my situation.
Ever since then, I have been under intense pressure from my husband and in-laws to conceive a child via egg donation to continue their family bloodline. My in-laws run a traditional Chinese family business in the furniture industry with factories in Malaysia and Thailand. To have a grandson to continue their bloodline and take over their business is of utmost importance to them.
In fact, they want me to undergo IVF overseas, so that genetic selection (PGS) can be used to select a son instead of daughter, whereas sex selection is banned in Singapore. I had been thinking of using my cousin as egg donor, but in my in-law's eye, just having a blood relative as an egg donor is not good enough. My father-in-law had in fact contacted a mainland China agency that provides beautiful, talented and highly intelligent egg donors who are undergrads at the top elite universities in China. I find that scary, like being used as a guinea pig in an animal breeding experiment.
Recently, my husband hinted that he is considering to divorce me if I am unable to produce a son for him. I feel that this is a form of emotional blackmail, and smack of male chauvinism in traditional Chinese culture.
I have consulted my close friends, and there are varying opinions. Some have suggested leaving my husband, while others suggested that I should strive to fulfill my role as a woman and wife to achieve true happiness.
However, I am not psychologically comfortable with the idea of carrying another woman's child in my womb, and feel that the child by egg donation will not really be my own flesh and blood.
I am really confused. Please kindly advise how I should deal with my situation.
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