What's wrong with having Daughter/s?

[yuki]

Hi Mommies,

Thank God both my parents and PIL are not like that. That's why i was truly shocked when my friend relate her family problems to me. I was like " huh, you mean this thing still happen in this society?"

Hi Angeline,

Ya. I still feel angry whenever i recall the incident.

Hi Tamarind,

I understand what you mean. My hubby dotes on my girl alot and i ws thinking if it's a baby boy in the first place, will he be that loving? I think it's a father's nature to protect and care gently for a girl. Maybe with a boy, he would play rough etc.

Anyway there was this incident that i came across that i realise the importance of balancing both dad's and mum's role. We brought our girl for a swim when she was about 1. i was naturally very excited and scared and tend to be overly protective of my girl, watching her and following her very very closely behind her. My hubby was very at ease and take it easily. When i girl almost fell, i scream at my hubby for not being fast enough in his action to catch my girl. But you know what, my girl didin;t cry and continue to play in the pool. There and then i realise i can be overly protective and may in a way hinder my girl's progress......... I let to let go a little.

 

[tamarind]

Yuki,
My hubby seems to favour my girl more than my boy. Is it natural for fathers to favour girls ? He plays with my girl more often than my boy. His reason is that my boy is only 11 months and not so fun to play with :C

 

[yuki]

Hi tamarind,

My friend has two children, the first a girl and second one a boy. The hubby was disapointed to have a girl and hopes for a boy so he was really happy when he knew that the second one is going to be a boy. But now, the boy is 3 years old and my friend commented that hubby end up prefer and closer to the girl, dotes on the girl more.

I think it's the fatherly nature to protect girls

 

[jenjen]

tamarind/yuki, acherly i tot as per sayings, girls are "Daddy's girls" and boys are "Mummy's boys"? hehe... so in the end, girls are closer to daddy and boys closer to mummy... and that's how we get MIL-DIL problems... keke...

but then, why do a lot of pple say that girls will be closer to Mummy leh??

 

[tamarind]

Jen/Yuki,
Yes I also heard of Daddy's girls, and that girls will be closer to Mummy. Then no one to sayang boy boy lor kekeke

 

[mummy of 2gals]

Hi Yuki,

i tot u were refering to my friend. hehe, my friend too had 1st gal, the hb abit disappt lah coz he wants son. 2nd is boy, but turn out hb obviously sayang the dau more then the son.

Aiyo, u dun know such things (DIL expect to hv boy) still exist ah? this is happening to my hb fam. that is y my SIL is SUPER stress, she has 2 gals. my MIL will directly pressure my SIL. so much so that she seems obsessed with having a son. coz my pil say mean things to her like if its a gal, they dun wan the bb, n mil ask her to keep a secret abt the gender when she knew was a gal ... so silly, how to keep a secret?! so my SIL gets very tense up w each of my preg, i guess she's afraid i'll hv a boy.

but my PIL dun dare to pressure my hb n me, coz we very "geh" one...we'll say mean things hehe. but can see fr their action n reaction when they know we r hving gals. my gal is 2yrs old, n my pil hv not bought a single thing for her. whereas my mum buys so much for my gal. but i dun really bother abt my PIL coz they hv a choice, juz means that we'll not be close to them. n sometimes if we drop by their hse, they will only "entertain my gal for like 10-15mins"... or sometimes they juz stay in their room, dun come out. so our visit is very short too.. mayb 1/2hr or less n less then 5xs a yr.

hi tamarind

got! grandparents who favours boys more loh hahaha...juz joking lah.

 

[bluesea2]

Jen, then it means girls will be Daddy's girls and they will also be close to mummy.

Girls are generally filial to parents mah rt? As for boys, I think they are not dat close to mummy after marriage liao.

 

[bluesea2]

Mummy of 2gals, so ur sil must be heaving signs of relief when she knew yours is also a girl???

Think our parents and inlaws era, they were in turn being pressured by their inlaws, so these type of thinking still exist within them. For us, I think perhaps our children will hv a better time as by then, less ppl care abt gender and we as potential grandparents will not bother abt these things liao.

 

[mummy of 2gals]

Hi Yuki,

i read that we should "play rough" with our daughter at times too..so that they will not grow up thinking they r the "weaker" sex

yes, my hb mentioned b4 if my gal were a boy, will he feel weird hugging n kissing "him" like he is always doing to my gal?

but i do think generally, boys are easier to bring up, in the sense that they are not as sensitive and emotional? this is wat my friend told me, she has a dau n a son.

 

[tamarind]

mummy of 2gals,
Not true leh ! My boy is v sensitive even though he is only 11 months. If he is not happy he will cry very loud.

 

[yuki]

Hi mummy of 2gals,

Wow, can imagine the stress that your SIL is going thru... Just tell the ILs to blame it on the hubby's sperm lor.

Hi mommies,

Actually having experienced my hubby's family, i change my opinion that girls are closer to family. My hubby and his brother are still very close to my MIL. We went to our MIl's place at least twice a week and my hubby will make arrangement with his brother and sister to go back at the same time for dinner, get together etc.

It all boils down to the upbringing and the culture of the family. My ILs doesn;t show favourtism among their children. In fact my hubby was designated to take care of his younger sister, to buy meals back for her when my MIL had to work during their school days. They share housework equally.

 

[lavengal]

My HB wanted a boy when I was pregnant. I cried when he told me he's upset that the bb would be a girl after the u/s.

Now my 1 yo dau actually called "Daddy" first before calling me. She now calls him automatically everytime he steps into the house after work. Now HB is so proud of it and cannot imagine a day without his precious daughter.


Could he have secretly still wanted a boy?? Yes I think so.

 

[mummy of 2gals]

Hi tamarind,

haha then yr boy will grow up to be a sensitive man

HI Yuki,

yes my SIL told my mil its her son's sperm, but my mil choose not to believe n give her angry stares! i think my MIL choose to "blame" outsiders then her own son.

yes, i agree with u. like my mum fam.. all her bros n sis are very close, every week will gather at my grandma place. though upbringing plays a part, but i still think girls hv a tendency to "think of home" coz i think we r more emotional?

Hi Susan,

alot of times i also suspect my Hb secretly hope for boy..though he always deny and say that gals are equally good... but sometimes little things he says shows he wants a son. but he will deny at all costs haha...coz he 100% knows its his sperm's job.

actually i m ok if he hope for a son so he has a "playmate" coz alot of wives hope for dau coz we want a "company" too.. but i cannot accept if he wants son coz he thinks sons are better (meaning he thinks my gals as not as good!)

 

[jenjen]

tamarind, young boys are like that one lah... maybe ur boy will grow up to be SNAG (Sensitive New Age Guy)... lots of gals will go ga-ga over him leh?? keke...

 

[tamarind]

mummy of 2gals, Jen,
Yes I hope so too

 

[ma22]

Hi to all mommies of gals,

Well said abt all good things comes in a pair.

Have u ever wonder o notice that if u r carrying a gal, the mommy usually look prettier ? And wif boys, the mommy's nose will look broader ? So ain't we lucky to have gals ? And we are even luckier than those who don't o can't conceive isn't it ?

A yr ago, while carrying my 2nd gal, this woman in her late 40's approached me & asked : " How does it feel to have a bb inside you cos I've never pregnant before. " My heart sank. I'm not sure on how to reply in order not to hurt her. All I can tell her was it's very tiring.

Anyway, I'm really blessed wif 2 gals n look rather "swee" thru-out my pregnancy. Heehee .... Fyi, all my sils have boys. Lucky me

 

[yuki]

Hi Ma22,

I am not so sure about the looking prettier part. My cousin had bigger nose when she was expecting her girl. Ha Ha. Nevertheless, her daughter is a blessing.

 

[jenjen]

Ma22, I puked from start to finish throughout my pregnancy wif my gal, how to be swee swee leh?? I think u are very lucky to have no such problems...

In fact, I've heard that if preg wif boy, ur looks wun change much...

 

[ma22]

Probably that's individual lah. Guess, I'm really lucky then.

Ever encounter taking the train & nobody gives up their seat for u ? Some even stare at u as if u're an alien ? I always kana one. Not becos of swee but becos I look very norm ! Not to mention the upper body. But when they c ur lower body, ah, that's when they start to let u have their seat. Sigh ..... Y must look at face first leh ???

 

[mummy of 2gals]

Hi Jenjen,

Welcome to the "club" hahaha. i had 9mths of MS thru'out my 1st preg!! i was so horrfied n terrified of being preg!! i felt so depressed when preg. the feeling cant be described. pp keep telling me it will b over, but mine nvr.. until my gal came out haha.

and with 2nd preg..now im in my 7th mth i still hv MS, though not as bad as my 1st preg. but still feel nausea n vomit at times..totally no appetite! so of coz these 2 preg, i dun look swee at all haha..like 1/2 dead

so Ma22..u very lucky leh, i wished my preg's like yours..then mayb i'll b motivated to have more kids hehe.

other then my horrible MS which makes me loose all interest in everything, my look din change, no big nose, no pimples, n best part, no stretch marks hehe.

 

[wonga]

Hi! am new here. Juz read this topic. I myself has a going 4 yrs old girl. Anyone who asked me whether i want a second kid, i will answer them, If only can guarantee, confirm and chop stamp can have a girl than i consider...(^_^)

 

[ma22]

Hahaha, that's what my sil said. In the end she "manufactured" bb boy no. 3

Boy o gal doesn't matter, so long as u have a healthy kid. Jia you, go for bb no 2 if u r able to !

 

[mummy of 2gals]

Hi neo hong ling,

u so insistent on having 2 daughters ah haha. but no guarantee one lah. my friend tried so hard to have a dau, end up 4 boys...she was given 4 chances, still din get a gal.

does your gal feel lonely? i myself has elder bro n sis...so not too sure how it feels like to be only child.

as for my gal, she is super sociable and love bbies n kids alot, so i guess she'll appreciate a sibling. I wanted another gal coz i feel gals will appreciate sister better

(i m thinking more of teen yrs n adulthood).

 

[wonga]

hehe..u know why 2 girls better? can share clothes n toys! dun have to buy 2 different sets! haha. k..i think gals r more loving ler...more gentle n side mommy more..haha.
hmm.she doens't complain she lonely..but she did complain of boring during school holidays.

 

[wonga]

i dunno whether i will have no. 2 ..but i really wish i can choose if i want. i got few relatives with boys around me..n whenever i see them up to mischive..i always feel glad mine's a girl. haha.

 

[yuki]

Hi mommies,

Just went for my detailed scan yesterday and i can officially join the club! I'm expecting a baby girl

Now no more excuse to hold me back from buying more clothes.

The gynae says i don't need to buy any more stuff but i tell her will still buy. How to resist pretty dresses????

 

[jenjen]

hi mums... re: no 2...
hb & i both want one boy one gal... he even tells me even if first was a boy, he still want a gal as no 2... it's not cos of zhong nan qing nu...

 

[yuki]

Hi mommies,

Thou i just did my detailed scan yesterday and found out the gender, within short period of time, kena comments from people already.

During the scan, while gynae is doing the scana nd announced the gender of the baby, at the same time hubby has a phone call so out of politeness, he walk out of the room to answer the call. Gynae make a remake "huh walk off when he knows it's a girl". I thot that was quote unnecessary. Then before i go, she said i need not buy more stuff which i told her i still will. She ask me to hold on a bit in case something happen.... I was wondering what will happen.... Thou hubby and i hope it will be a boy so that we can have one boy and noe girl but we accept it of the second one is a girl! So i don;t unerstand the rational of holding back and hoping it will become a boy....

Likewise when we meet our neighbour in the lift (they have a elder boy and a baby girl), when we told them the second one is a girl, they seems embrassed and commented that maybe baby is playing a trick....

Mummy of 2 gals, i am beginning to understand your frustration..... We just want to accpet things as it is and love our children but these comments aren't very encouraging.....

 

[d one]

This CNY, MIL wished me happy new year and also to get another kid (son) for the family. Laugh it off.... Now, I am carrying my second kid but still early to know the gender. Me and HB no preference but deep in my heart, wish to have another gal.. company for my gal and they tend to stick to each other. So far, no queries from anyone. But I prempt HB that I take offense to any unkind and insensitive remarks from anyone and everyone. Prepare him cos I am one to shoot anyone and everyone off that crosses me. No one can bother me except that I am concerned HB will be stressed (by family?), if it really turn up to be gal. (He is the only male in family). Am I thinking too much?

 

[m22]

hi yuki, congrats on expecting a baby girl! ya, need to buy more clothes! I have 2 girls but I still bought a lot of clothes for my 2nd one! My excuse is my 2nd one is more spunky whereas my first is the sweet-sweet type. So all her girly-looking dresses not suitable for my rough-and-tumble 2nd daughter!

I get a lot of comments from relatives and auntie-auntie type of neighbours too! What's it to them whether I have a boy or not?!

My little brother was finally born after 9 long years of yearning from my parents. But ironically, he turned out to be their biggest nightmare. He's already in his 20s now, still loafing around, always spouting obscenities and shouting at them!

The moral of the story to me is, don't wish for the gender of the child - gender doesn't mean anything. Instead, just wish for a healthy, happy child who loves and respects you as much as you love him/ her.

Hopefully when our present generation becomes parents-in-law, such old-fashioned, feudalistic-type of thinking will not exist anymore!

 

[yuki]

Hi M22,

Thanks. Indeed the health of the baby is the most important.

Hi D one,

Thank God i do not have direct pressures from my and hubby's family. Thou hubby said it's ok, but i know deep down inside he yearns for a boy. But he also knows it's him that matters when comes to the gender of the baby so he can't complain.

 

[ma22]

Hi Yuki,

Welcome aboard ! Yes, go ahead get new clothings for ur 2nd dau. Being the 2nd child in the family, my stuffs were usually hand-me-downs from my sis. So unfair ! Nowadays, I usually get 2 sets of the same design for both gals.

Hi m22,

Hey, mine gals also like urs leh (One sweet-sweet aka chilli-paddy & the o/r rough-n-tumble sort). What's the age gap like ? Mine is 2 yrs diff. The elder gal will smack mei-mei on the head if mei-mei play with her toys etc .....

 

[daughter]

It does not matter it is a boy or it is a girl. What matter is your baby grow up to be healthy and happy. The bonus will be they can click well with you and remain good close to you when they grow up and start their own family.

It is true that some people can be very irritating. I had a collegue (only 25 years old!!)who was expecting her second boy and could say things like 'luckily it is a boy, if girl i dunno what to do' to colleagues who are mother of gals.

and my observation is whether the boy will remain at home with you after getting married depends on whether you click well with your DIL. Our generation we already start 'rebeling' against unreasonable MIL, think about what happens to the next generation!

All I can say is if you have a boy, you better learn to be good to someoneelse's daughther.

 

[mummy of 2gals]

Hi Yuki,

congrats on finding out the gender, it makes planning easier isnt it...can start ur shopping spreed liao

Ya loh, now u can sense all insensitive remarks coming right. my col also, she has a gal n now may be expecting boy...she also ask me stupid qn like "did ur "gal" change to a "boy""...so silly, i juz gave her a look as if she is so silly n say "of coz not, i wld love to assume she is still a gal" haha.

how come ur gynae also so insensitive...my gyane is an old auntie, but hehe she always say gals better, n congrats me on hving another princess.

ya loh, so frustating right... we are definitely happy to accept the gender of our 2nd kid, but pp around us like assume otherwise. yes!! i meet alot of such pp that upon hearing its "another" gal, they feel embarassed...how strange. once someone ask gender of my bb, when i said gal, she was lost for words, n another preg lady beside me replied hers is boy..the person asking quickly say to her "wah ur hb must be very happy right" ... does she mean i m not happy w my child juz coz she is a gal?

tt's y i feel so unjust, esp for my 2nd gal.. i really need an outlet to vent it n get support from mothers in the same situation hehe.

Hi M22,

fully agree with u that most impt is our kids are healthy & happy n grow up respecting n loving us!!

but i think this kind of thing will still exist when we r in laws, coz if u notice alot of insensitive remarks comes from young pp like us too!

Hi daughter,

u hit the spot abt being nice to someone else's dau!! i also think to keep son by one's side, most prob must know how to treat DIL well. like the show Zhen Qin, sooo funny the upper class inlaw told the charshao fam that now the strategy is MIL nice to DIL, not the other way round.

 

[bluesea2]

Congrats Yuki on your 2nd princess!

Isnt it irritating to hear unpleasant remarks? It's really no business of others whether we are having girls or boys. As long as we are happy and our kids grow up happily and healthily, we are contented.

Hi "daughter", maybe your colleague who is going to hv 2 boys means she is used to taking care of a boy that if she has a sweet sweet girl, she dunno wat to do. However, if she mean to be sarcastic, then gd luck to her for having boys. They will be someone else's husband one day and may not listen to mummy anymore. Isnt it true that our hubbys are closer to us than their mums?

Hi mummy of 2 gals, yes, I hv heard such comments like "your hubby must be so happy" to someone who is expecting a boy. Now I take things in my stride, what other people say is none of my business as long as they dun say abt me. Even if they do, dun let me hear it! haha ...

Just this morning, I was waiting at the driveway with my girls for hubby to drive the car out of the carpark. Then a lady walked past and smiled, asking me if my baby is boy or girl. I said girl and she said u're so lucky to hv girls. Said they are more filial than boys, just like her own daughter.

 

[jenjen]

MO2G (short form, paiseh)... the zhen qing probably targeting the older generation cos they watch mah... hehe...

bluesea, my bbsitter oso say she rather have more gals than boys...

 

[glmum]

Hi all,

I am a mum of 2 girls also. They are 2.5yrs apart. Luckily for mem my hubby loves girls and he alsways says he dun mind a third girl. the elder girl now coming to 3 always "teh" him so much so that he says girls are better. Boys wont't do that to daddy. He always joke and say that nexct time he will get lots of supper from the daughters boyfriend. Ha ha ha.

 

[mummy of 2gals]

Hi Jen,

ya, zhen qin is for the older folks, i find it quite funny, n at that time, i told my hb my MIL should watch it! coz my mil also typical old fashion, expect her DILs to serve her sons.

hope ur wish of hving 1 each come true

... its nice to have a mixture. are you planning 2nd bb? are u afraid of preg? coz i read yr preg is puke 9mths kind... me too, n i m super horrified. also i think coz of the bad MS, i develop pre natal depression, its more serious for my 1st preg..i spend all my days crying, in the ofc, in the car and at home

HI glmum

yes, i know of some men who prefer daughters. they melt at the sight of little gals. my father also prefers daughter..i dont know y. my friend who has 4 sons, quite fuuny, keep commenting that she dun have the "ming" of eating supper, coz no daughter.

my elder dau is not girly type at all..she very rough, so i wonder if my younger dau will be opp of big sister.

 

[munchkukie]

know my bb's sex yesterday night, it is a girl. I have a 2 yr old gal gal liao. A little bit of disappointed cos has wanted to close shop if the bb is a boy. Every pregnancy cause my skin problem to flare up and turn me into a scaly monster.

Though my parents and PIL never expressed any wishes nor make any comments, I feel that a family should have a boy.

The gd thing abt having another gal is that the sisters can bond together and maybe more economical. Anyway, it is out of my control liao and she is still my flesh and blood. I will love her anyway.

Just my thoughts.

 

[jenjen]

MH, congrats on ur 2nd pregnancy... i understand ur feeling... i too prefer one boy one gal to close shop... but when i see my gal, she's soo cute leh...

 

[jenjen]

Dun mind i share my gal's pics wif u all... 2 birds wif 1 stone... help me vote, ok?

<font size="+1"><font color="0000ff">Vote Jean as Cutest Kid - Aug 2005

</font>

<font color="0000ff">Click the pic to vote!
Or send a blank email to [email protected], Subject: Jeannieve...
Thank you!</font></font>
List of All Contestants!

 

[yuki]

Hi MH,

I know exactly how you feel. Just did my scan on monday and know the gender.

My elder girl is turning 2 in two weeks time.

MAybe our girls can be friends huh?

Is your baby due in Jan 06? Thot i saw your nick in the Jan 06 babies thread.

Was disappointed too but i don;t want to let my baby feel that she's not wanted so i tell myself to get over it and be thankful that baby is healthy.

Don't know closing shop or not cos actually i don't mind three kids but hubby wants to stop at 2.

 

[yuki]

Hi Jen,

Your girl is so cute!!! If i had already cast my vote for someone else, can i still vote for your princess? Was doing my sister's friend a favour by voting for her baby....

 

[munchkukie]

yuki, Jen: I hope that by writing it down, I can get over it sooner and not let my baby feel unwanted.

yuki: my girl is 26 months already but still not saying much. I am in Jan06 thread. Where do u stay? I would like her to have more friends.

 

[bluesea2]

My elder gal is 28mths and younger one is coming 4 mths. Maybe next time we can bring our gals to meet and play.

Where do u gals stay? I stay in sengkang.

 

[jenjen]

yuki, thank you!!

can... one email can oni vote once per child... but one email can vote for many children!

which one is ur sis's fren? i see cute or not?

 

[yuki]

Hi MH,

Ha Ha. That's also teh reason you see my post on Tusday with so much complains.

I am ok now. Trying to talk to my girl and play some classical music so that my girl and i can enjoy.

Hi Bluesea,

I stay in SK too! In 300 plus series. What about you?

Hi Jen,

Will vote for your girl too.

How old is your girl? If i remember correctly you resides in SK too right?

 

[jenjen]

yuki, my gal is coming to 9 mths old...

 

[munchkukie]

aiyah..u all stay in SK one, I stay in Jurong East...

 

[bluesea2]

Yuki!!! I'm staying at 300+ series too. Near Nan Chiau primary, how abt u?????