!!What should i do??? Financially oso very tight...Divorce

Discussion in 'Matters Of The Heart' started by sorry4kids, Dec 3, 2010.

  1. sorry4kids

    sorry4kids New Member

    Hi all, here is my story to share with u all... Need advice...
    my husband is 12 years older than me, im with 3 kids 6,,4 and 9mths.
    He's a drunkard, he cant live without beer,he drinks,gamble and smoke. He take his salary daily(Taxi driver). If he ok (meaning he don't drink) he'll give me allowances(daily) if he's drink with his friends, i wont get any.(cause he love paying for other).
    During my maternity leave, he gamble on world cup and lost alot of money and borrowed from 3 loanshark and 5 legal moneylender and the worst is that i was force to take a 4k loan. Which i havent even clear till nw. Monthly at $360. Right after borrowing he told me,im testing u to see if u'll help me if im in trouble and say if i win tonight, i'll pay u back 1 shot which he did not as he lost even more.He was in more than 10k debt. That night he go bersak after he lost, i was been harrased to sell the house which i cant as its less than 5 years. when i refuse to sign anything (he told me to sign something to sort of sell the house once it reach 5years). He chased me, tenant, kids and helper out of the house. Stayed at my mum in law house temp. When he finally cool dw abit, we moved back hm but after i still refused to sign the house, he blew his top and threw a beer btl at the living room, my sis in law then called the police. Police and ambulance came as they thought im hurt. I moved out again but to my bro in law place this time round. Manage to move back after 2 weeks after my bro in law helped him clear some of the debts.Im financially very tight as im paying for the maid,insurance and all the kids expenses (childcare,milk powder,diaper,meals,insurance etcs...)I take back around 1.3k only monthly after cpf.His taxi has been towed back so many times by different company as he don't pay his rental.
    To him, if he have $ he give me if not let it be... but i cant handle this anymore...recently he got very drunk and got himself into big trouble again,accident. Again, no taxi, no $... Need advise, i noe divorce is what everybody will suggest. But i need to know more. Will i get my kids for sure? House? If i don't get the house, where m i suppose to stay with my kids? 2011 dec then will reach 5yrs for my hdb flat. cause if i sell b4 5 years, hdb will take back the house. i went to legal aid but not approve.I mean if i divorce him nw b4 dec 2011, will hdb take back my flat? Or only after divorce is finalise (meaning court approve) then hdb flat issue will be discuss?
    Btw, i kept pestering him to pay the loan, he can even say u got no prove.Luckily i got keep all the msg... i got PPO and maintences is at $1.5 per mth. However he didnt pay, everytime he got drunk he will bang real hard at my door(we sleep in different room). He even say he'll declare he don't work if i bring him to court re: maintences issue. Isnt it unfair for women if guys can just claim they don't work??? Im at my dead end nw, no saving yet got to pay for maid as she look after my baby when im at work. I just need him to be out of my life then at least i can still rent 1 more room out. He insisted in sleeping in another room as he says baby will disturb his sleep as he need attention to drive... If he get out of my life with no chances in my life i will be so relief...
     
  2. grace3005

    grace3005 Member

  3. jenbabe

    jenbabe Member

    Hi Tan

    I can understand how u feel as i am in the exact situation as yours except the husband job.. he earns twice or more than me but yet in shitty fc**ing debts of less than 10K from 6 ah longs.

    I also thinking of leaving him too but my son wants dad n mum to be together so what can i do?

    Perhaps u can talk to your hubby into staying with his family first. this road will be no easy task down there but pray for a miracle.

    Perhaps u can try to drag him down to the hope centre for counselling on kicking the gambling addict, etc and focus on clearing the debts.
     
  4. sorry4kids

    sorry4kids New Member

    Rainbow, tks for replying...
    Is ur husband very close to ur kids???
    If yes, it'll benefit the kids if u continue to be with ur hubby...
    Dat guy is not close to the kids, he's always out with his friends, coming home late night, getting drunk. He got very high ego, his family did offer him a place to stay but he turn them dw saying why muz he leave his own house. I loose hope in him, he got sacked fm at least 3 company cause he don't turn up for work when he's drunk. And nw he owned all the taxi company in singapore rental... sigh... Just the taxi rental he owned 10k plus ah long and legal $ lender of 10k...sigh...
     
  5. jenbabe

    jenbabe Member

    Yes on the appearance, my husband is close to my kid but mostly he put in efforts to spend time with him on sunday after we argued a lot on his being away from home. I have my suspicious abt him hvg other woman somewhere else but now i no longer love him n love is like vanishing into thin air liao.

    wow your hubby seems much worse than mine but still slightly better as my family pulled me out of the debt. here i am working very hard to clear the debts and to put meal on table and to provide for his expenses which i know is very hard on my take home pay of $1.3K.

    if u really feel there is no more hope for your marriage then perhaps u can ask him to sit down n talk when he is sober, not drunk. maybe u can separate from him first and rem that being separated for 3 to 4 yrs, u can apply for divorce under the separation ground.
     
  6. sorry4kids

    sorry4kids New Member

    Hi rainbow, me too take hm 1.3k. Somemore having 3kids and a maid. U r lucky as u only have one. Im on my dead end liao, cant leave without maid as my son is too young for childcare. Just took my salary on mon now left with 100... but that guy is still going out daily, smoking and drinking. Luckily my sis in law did help me a bit... Ya, heard fm someone dat i can file for separation 1st. will do just that, hopefully i can get the house. just want that useless guy out of my life badly. hopefully our kids will see how much we do 4 them...
     
  7. yasminelala

    yasminelala Member

    Could you file for a separation, speak to a MP (election is coming) to help you secure a rental flat. rent out the rooms in yr flat to earn an income. And get that guy out of your life. It is not good for kids to live in such an unstable condition.
     
  8. sorry4kids

    sorry4kids New Member

    Tks yasminelala for replying, ya, will be going dw to family court to file for separtion tomorrow. Hope everything goes well and smooth for me. Dat guy is happily eating at home, smoking and watching tv, goin out daily without any contribution sigh.....
     
  9. jenbabe

    jenbabe Member

    Wah yeah so what i have on kid to support,, still worse i cannot see my first daughter for so many years already... I miss her occasionally.. nvm abt this.

    The separation papers will cost only $500 onwards. Maybe u can appeal to the LAB for assistance.

    Your situation is really difficult to solve due to tight finances. but try your best...
     
  10. jenbabe

    jenbabe Member

    I really understand how u feel... I never look down on u but the main issue is finance. very tight so how to file for divorce right... i am in the same shoe as u..
     
  11. yasminelala

    yasminelala Member

    Jiayou... Things will get better when the kiddos grow up. Plunge right in, mother could do miracle. Finances are already difficult as of now since your husband is not contributing. So no difference (with or without him around). He is only contributing emotional stress to you
     
  12. sorry4kids

    sorry4kids New Member

    Dear rainbowsky, what and where is LAB?
     
  13. jenbabe

    jenbabe Member

    LAB is legal aid baeru.. located at Maxwell, think within the MND. I went there once but forgot the address.
     
  14. sorry4kids

    sorry4kids New Member

    something big happen last night. Same old thing, he was drunk when he came and started screaming at the top of his voice and threaten me, if i don't have this family, i make sure u die. I felt so threaten and told him, don't bully girl, if u dare talk to my dad. N i call hm but it happen to be my bro who pick and both of them started to argue. He again started cursing me when he return me back the phone. My bro ask me to lock myself with the kids in the room and call the police which i did as i have PPO. Alot of things happen before he was handcuff. Luckily he was brought back to the police station and just return hm. I firmly told his dad anytime ur son goes crazy, im going to call the police.... So many things happen till im so tired
     
  15. kaitlynangelica

    kaitlynangelica New Member

    Forgive me for asking. But if your relationship has been so bad from the beginning, how did you manage to have 3 kids? You still want to have sex with such a man? Also, didn't you plan before getting pregnant? Kids are terribly expensive, what with tuition and all?

    So sorry to hear about all that you are going through.
     
  16. sorry4kids

    sorry4kids New Member

    Hi, xmasbaby.

    Everybody have been asking me the same ques, maybe naive, always thought he'll change.
    For the 2nd n 3rd child. He somehow change for half a year b4 i conceive. For dat half year, he didnt drink or gamble. I always thought he'll change. For both time b4 conceive, he gave me allowance daily, bring us out. Dunoe what happen, for both time few mths after i was pregnant, things change. Right now, im sourciing for a affordable lawyer, going dw to family court next wk for mediation session as he didnt pay the maintenance. Tks for the concern.
     
  17. dracano

    dracano New Member

    Tan,
    Just curious, what are the genders of your three children? I can't help but feel strange that your hb's habits would coincidentally change during your last two pregnancies.
     
  18. mtyh

    mtyh Member

    for housing, u may approach hdb to rent perhaps a 3-room flat at hdb rate (very affordable). Seek your MP's help in getting the approval.

    things will only get better, hang in there.
     
  19. froggie12

    froggie12 Member

    Hey,

    You may want to approach you CDC's for some financial assistance. CDC can help you on the childcare fees. You only pay around $100 a mth. By sending your kids to cc and infant care, you save on the maid's wages. Also, see your mp too. They know which gov agencies deals with.

    You can sell your house for less than 5 years on the open market. My friend sold hers (stayed for around 4 years plus) on the open market. However, you have to write in and cite your reasons for doing this. They will dealt with case-by-case basis. And I think you have a strong case.

    Stay strong. You are not alone. You still have your wonderful kids.
     
  20. peng2007

    peng2007 Member

    Hi

    If you want to look for ways to earn some extra money, I might have the lobangs to help you. You can email me at pengpengloo2005@yahoo.com for more information.
     
  21. peng2007

    peng2007 Member

    sorry my email is pengpengloo2005@yahoo.com.sg.

    I am currently helping my friend part time in some businesses. It is flexible and simple. If you need more information, let me know.
     
  22. blackheart

    blackheart New Member

    Hi, I'm quite vexed abt now...
    My husband didn't contribute anything since the day my son was born and shows no concern abt the son when he was sick.. and the worst thing was his so-called business being fold and he didn't get any job. Before his business failed, he had a house was bought from his previous marriage. And during my pregnancy, i suggested him to sell it off but without any earning in return. so we moved to my mum's place. and he keep lied to me saying he is consider bankrupt but aft that i found out from his fren that he was one of his gurantor for his car loan. and lots of lies from him. And also lied to me if I'm able to get some loans, he wil be able to get a job but it was a lied again. Currently, our son is staying with me. But I've filed divorce throught LAB. Initially, I wan full custody.. but bcos my mum's health wasn't in gd condition to take care of him aft childcare. My mum was a cancer patient. So i decided to have joint custody and give him the 'care and control' cos i'm afraid in the long future, I'm unable to cope cos my wrking hrs are abit weird. i off wrk at 7pm and bcos of my mum can't even fetch my son from CC, I gotta hire someone to fetch him frm CC.
    And I asked LAB lawyer asst, if they not able to locate my husband, what will happen to the child? She said, judge will give the custody to me.. I'm just afraid I cannot cope this alone.. Whereby he still have his parents who is able to help out.. I only left with my mother.... my siblings not able to help out much too, they have their own family to take care of.
    sigh... what can i do? I just hope he will accept the joint custody and care n control..
     
  23. sweetevil

    sweetevil New Member

    Stay strong!!!
     

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