hi all,
i wanna vent out my unhappiness abt my mil. its gotta to be a long one hehe...
I'm currently staying with my PIL. Just delivered my DD not long ago (she's abt 2mth+ now). All the while long me and my MIL relationship is quite ok until I have given birth.
My MIL is also taking care of my SIL's DD (a 1yr old kid) Now that my MIL needs to look after my DD she's told my SIL to bring her bb over every morn from 7am-6pm.
Before giving birth my MIL promise to do confinement for me. Well she mess up my confinement
MIL-
1. food wise - she repeats the same old dishes for my lunch & dinner during my CF period. I know she's kind enough to volunteer to look after my DD and me. But in the end she keep mumbling she cant cope with one newborn and one toddler at one go. I can't blame her as I know it's hard as she so old alrd. But why she commits herself in the 1st plc & now mess up my confinement & causing me also went into postnatal blues? pls note she have the time to sit down with niece to play from 11-6pm and no time to cope? bull shit!!! can u imagine she can suggest to my hubby tat let baomu takecare of my DD (DD was 1mth old then). saying her daughter mentioned she bu fang xin her BB let maid takecare then wat abt mine? her DD is precious and mine not? i din know abt this until mil told me herself. i laugh and i said 'mother ur daughter bu fan xin then u do u think i fan xin meh? then i walk away. if i dont talk back she thought she can bully me. wait long long.
2. Bathing - on the 4th day i really cant tahan the hot weather. so i asked her if i can bath. she said yes but ask me to do a quick one. when i told my mum mil allow me to bath, she asked if she got brew the herbs for me onot. i said no 'my mum was so angry and she scolded me for bathing without using herbs. the next bathing time i ask mil for the herbs and she actually have it. she goes 'ur sil doesnt like to bath using the herbs' thinking in my heart 'hey halo she dont like doesnt mean i dont like right?' since u have it y u nv offer? haiz.
3. During that period I need to look after my DD myself in the day until my niece goes home. I never get to rest as my DD is very cranky and refuse to sleep during the day and I have to carry her to pacify in order to coax her to sleep. I carried until my hand was painful for 2mths. And when I get to rest my niece start making lots of noise in the house like shouting and throwing tantrum. As usual mil came putting pacifier to my DD. i hate the idea of pacifier right from the start. nevertheless, i threw away before going back to wrk. I was so stress up and I almost went into depression. The thought of committing suicide came across my mind. As a 1st time mother I'm totally lost. I cried every single day during my confinement. My mum came to know and she suggested that I move back to her hs to finish my confinement.
I went back to my mother's hs during the 2nd week. I thought it wld be better as my mum will cook gd confinement food for me. Who knows my mum so long ever takecare of BB I realize she cant cope as well. End up I need to look after my DD myself 24hrs. I cried again and again. I feel so sad thinking why am I so useless. So I went back to my PIL hs the 3rd week thinking since my mum unable to help me & at least my MIL can help to look after my DD at night so tat I get to rest. Food wise I can just bear with it. After I went hm, she cook noodle with fish and meat everyday (2wks). I eat till sian and tired. I tell myself never mind since ending soon and I can just tahan. After my confinement ended, she never cook for me at knowing tat I’m BF DD so I need all the healthy food. I have no choice but to stop BF my DD after 1.5mths. Thinking no point giving her as all the food I ate outside is unhealthy. More ever no one is supporting me to BF my DD. I gave up and I’m sad abt it for awhile and I even cried when I’m BF her the last time.
SIL-
Then come my SIL commented my DD eye saying she got crossed eyes to my MIL and MIL told me in a joke manner. I was so pissed off and I told my MIL “pls ask ur daughter don’t comment anything abt my DD again, I don’t think it’s nice to say such thing in front of a innocent BB” Guess what’s my MIL reply? “Huh y huh” I hear alrd I got nothing to say anymore. I just ignore her and walk away. Inside my heart I was thinking “she is ur granddaughter and now tat ur own daughter commented such remarks shldnt u tell her off? I told my DH abt it and he said her sis is straight forward type. I was even more sad that as a father of our DD he shld protect DD. Wat does he mean by my sis is like tat? I was so upset and I told him I will let her off this time and if this happen again and I come to know she criticize my DD again don’t blame me from telling her off. My DH just nodded his head. I have not criticize anything abt her DD before so I don’t understand y she do this to me. hubby keep telling me sil is harmless. harmless and straight forward can anyhow say things to hurt me? then can i do the same to her DD? when i say this i shut him up.
Thinking of moving out.
Recently I discuss with my DH that I wanna shift out and have our hs. He said can’t as his name is alrd under my PIL hs. My DH name was added in as my FIL is working as a part timer and his CPF has not enough $ alrd. So I told him if possible we will give $500 each month to them as a topup by cash to pay for their flat. And this way he can take out his name and buy a flat of our own. He brush me off by keeping quiet and ignoring me. I sms him I was very sad by his action and it’s ok if we can’t buy. Told him I don’t wanna put him in a difficult position. i told him
it's ok tat if u don’t agree and u can just tell me off if I’m in the wrong. But don’t just keep quiet, as this way I don’t know what u r thinking. Actually right from the start when I get to know him he is alrd like tat. Wat can I do? I’m alrd very tired of quarreling over this with him. He's the only son and to him its naturally to take over the hs from his parents. ok i will put his matter aside and when we have the $ i wll sure move out far far from them. another thing is i hate abt my mil is, when she talk to me abt my DD she will use 'ur daughter' hey come on she's ur grandchild and she's given a name ya. i feel like telling my hubby but again im afraid he will think im too sensitive & always the trouble maker.
i hv just spoke to hubby last nite abt moving out. he said we cant now as financial wise we are alrd so tight. maybe later, i hear alrd sian half. he said i have been thinking too much abt mil & sil and ask me not be so sensitive abt the remarks they made. well, to him he just wanna be peacemaker and im the one always creating trouble and so insensitive. i dont no y i married him lah. how am i going to spend a lifetime with him? i really dont know. i must admit tat are good & bad abt my mil. well, staying together sure got conflicts one. Unavoidable.
Now I don’t wanna think too much abt all these mil & sil, I have my DD who is the only person I’m looking forward to see everyday after work.