Help!!!! my husband invloved with a china women.

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Hi jon, thanks for sharing the guy pov. So, what kind of guys shld single women look for in order to marry a good husband. Any traits? Family background. Job?<!-/quote-!><hr size=0></blockquote>
Guys from difficult backgrounds. That is the biggest test of character. In tough environments, 1 out of 100 guys will fight hard and develop a heart that is strong and pure. The other 99 will attempt to cheat, or simply give up. It's a common excuse: "I come from tough background, so that's why I'm so bad lah". Only the strongest guys can come out purer.

If your guy is always busy working on his career, then there's good chance he is strong. Look at the guys doing national service. Some will cheong (party) during weekend, and then get MC during weekdays. Some will just sleep whole weekend, let girlfriend scold or even get dumped, and then go back to camp stronger and fitter for their jobs.

Sad fact is that all girls get the guys they deserve. Girls usually dump the guy who is "boring" in the sense that they work, sleep, exercise, and nothing else. In short, girls who got no discipline in life will dump guys who have discipline in life. It's a simple equation. Two people too different will drift apart.

You want a hardworking guy who is smart and loving? Be such a girl yourself.

And queenie is right. When things break down, a wife's biggest "weapon" is being gentle. However, that "strategy" is "after the fact" (not preventive). The better strategy is being gentle as a habit to start with; prevention is better than cure. Also, you'll get a gentle loving guy if you're gentle yourself.

Improve yourself non-stop, then fate will give you a guy similar to your level when you're ready.
 


Jon..thanks for yr post! Inspires me too! Cheers!
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Im in process of div btw...ex hubb got involved with a prc n now got other gfs. I hv two young ones but i am moving on..i think life will be good without this man in our life! Looking forward to the D day!
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it enough. i think that is called unreasonable behaviour, but i think it have to be a few times. that to make it strong. that what my PI told me previously.

also did u find out the particulars of the PRC? u can use this to get him to give u what u want if not, u can blacklist the PRC. If he wan to protect that PRC, he will listen to u.
 
Hi Jon,
My husband is not straying, i believe he is not from his character. But he abandoned the family. I have three young kids, age 3, 2 and 10 months old. He left the house since 8 June, when the eldest boy had high fever, and till today, there was not a single call nor sms from him. During these period, all my kids felt sick one after another, and i looked after them till i felt sicks too. I have never been to clinic and hospital so many times within such a short period. I smsed and called him but there was no response.
His temper is getting very bad, he has never wanted to communicate when there was an issue. When he was not happy, he just left the house, regardless there was any holiday trip or family outing planed ahead. It happened so regular till i lost count, but this time round i was really shocked as it involved the health and safety of the kids. How could he ignored when the school informed him of the high fever? HOw could he just walked away and show ZERO concern to his own kids?

I am truly disappointed and do not want to risk my kids life with this man anymore. He has become so unreasonable and irresponsible. It hurts somuch to know he is such a person. I was heartbroken, depressed but now i have to stand up and continue to life ahead with my three lovely kids.
 
weiyao, u will be surprised, if there's no third party, where can he be? Initially I also don't believe that my ex hubb will do such a thing.....but he proved me wrong...Big time...

Don't be surprised by the outcome ok...hey, he is away for so long...can lodge police report already. My ex hubb used to pull that stunt on me.....I nearly called the police and i really will...I cannot accept such behaviour.

he is all ready to shake off his burdens already so nothing else matters...very high chance is there may be a third party....My ex hubb kept insisting he do not have an affair but end up he was indeed having many affairs outside...
 
<blockquote><hr size=0><!-quote-!><font size=1>quote:</font>

My husband is not straying, i believe he is not from his character. But he abandoned the family... I smsed and called him but there was no response.<!-/quote-!><hr size=0></blockquote>It's true that some men can be workaholics. I'm one of those who will dive back to work if I'm angry with my wife. Or I'll just storm out and buy some of my wife's favorite tidbits for her. It'll cool things down. And more often than not, I manage to "bribe" her to my way of thinking with the tidbits. :p

But no one should abandon family and don't answer phone. Within 48 hours, you should file a police report.

Keep filing police reports every time it happens. Keep the records. You won't need any other evidence to get favorable divorce terms.
And if he does reply your SMS, just gently ask him to come back, and keep your SMS and his SMS reply. If he don't reply, write a diary log (with date and time) to say he didn't reply. (In court, he has to show he DID reply, long story, legal aspects). You just concentrate on writing your own diary logs, which will conveniently become your affidavit later.

And don't forget to responsibly get on with your life and with taking care of your family.<blockquote><hr size=0><!-quote-!><font size=1>quote:</font>

His temper is getting very bad, he has never wanted to communicate when there was an issue. When he was not happy, he just left the house, regardless there was any holiday trip or family outing planed ahead. It happened so regular till i lost count, but this time round i was really shocked as it involved the health and safety of the kids. How could he ignored when the school informed him of the high fever? HOw could he just walked away and show ZERO concern to his own kids?<!-/quote-!><hr size=0></blockquote>In what way is his temper bad? Domestic violence? Shouting? If he just walks away, then it's "the other kind of bad temper", the kind that most workaholics have.

Let's assume he is the "angry and walk away" type, not the "angry and fight back" type.

Hope you don't mind me stating general causes that don't apply to you (cos I don't know your husband or you). Is he very unhappy with the family? Seems like he's given up already.

First general cause: Men usually do this if they suspect their wife is not loyal (got affair before, track record broken).

Second general cause: the wife very nasty. Always beat the husband down until he just don't care anymore. Beaten wives also give this treatment. The word is "jaded". Pain until not pain anymore, so... heck care already.

Third general cause: it's just an excuse, and he's got other distractions. Some people will go for their distractions (games, gambling, soccer) by actually thinking up reasonable excuses. Others don't bother to think, so just get angry and leave (for distractions).<blockquote><hr size=0><!-quote-!><font size=1>quote:</font>

I am truly disappointed and do not want to risk my kids life with this man anymore. He has become so unreasonable and irresponsible. It hurts somuch to know he is such a person. I was heartbroken, depressed but now i have to stand up and continue to life ahead with my three lovely kids.<!-/quote-!><hr size=0></blockquote>You mean he didn't used to just up and go before? You sound surprised, and you also said "his temper getting really bad". If it's a new habit, then it is likely to be a front for something else (aka excuse).

If you and your kids are in financial need, do get a PI to get evidence on him. But in your case, you hardly need any other evidence. A father who just runs off like that will get blamed in court of law.

If you're not in immediate financial need, my advice is to never assume wrongdoing on his part first. Think back about when and why he started leaving the house. Were the quarrels getting nasty? Did your parents say anything about him? Meantime, just keep filing "missing person" reports every time it happens. Be genuinely worried about him.

You must become stronger. Be more mature than him. Carry on with your family life responsibly. Deal with your family's needs first, then deal with his irresponsible behavior later on.
 
Hi Jon,
He was not like this before we had any kids. He was gentle and concern about me. After we had the first kid, he was still ok. Things start to get nasty after the second was born. When the baby was only 5 month old, he left the family for three weeks, never returned any calls nor smses. No 3 was accident, i took quite sometime to accept the fact as i knew that he could not bond with the children well.

If i know where he is, i still can file police report? He is staying with his mother currently which is just opposite block. Even at his mother house now, he did not talk to anyone. Sleeping, eating, playing computer and working are his normal routine. My maid and baby go to in law house everyday.

We still can communicate last time, but for the past one year, every time i wanted to talk about our relationship, he only reply " I hve no mood to talk now, wait till i have mood" (which will never come), if i started to talk, he would just shout at me " Enough, stop now or i go away". I ever suggested marriage counsellor but he refused. How to quarrel with one mouth? I ever injured when i was trying to stop him from leaving the house. I hugged him but he just pulled me till my head knocked on the wall and had a big bump and my arm was covered with BIG bruises.

I am working full time, also doing some part time sales to earn extra for the family, at home still have to look after the kids. Wherelse, he always stop at one place, never plan or willing to upgrade himself for the sake of family. I am tired of his childish attitude.

Add on: My elder son has chronic illness, he has stayed in hospital three times so far, none of it, the father stayed with him, I stayed with him even when i was pregnant with my 2nd kid and when i was doing my last confinement.
 
Sandy, evidence not enough, need to capture them on bed then can. But usually v hard to capture adulterous couple on bed. And usually judge will split the sale of the flat 50/50 unless that man willing to give u the flat, which is rare i must say. My ex is fighting with me down to the last dollar of the sale...

I hv two kids too...

Don't panic k...goodluck to us!
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u are wrong, evidence for adultery no need to catch red handed in bed. if he goes to a hotel or stay in a room with another women for a period of time alone with the women, that's ca be use as adultery

evidence of intimacy also can be used.

my pi had helped me to get adultery evidence for me to file, and it was successful.
 
omg who is he lawyer?

my lawyer also say almost the same thing new beginning say, and u need a PI's report to prove all this.
 
weiyao
I dont think it's acceptable behavior. You should file a police report since he has been gone for so long with no communication.
 
Hi Weiyao,<blockquote><hr size=0><!-quote-!><font size=1>quote:</font>

He was not like this before we had any kids. He was gentle and concern about me. After we had the first kid, he was still ok. Things start to get nasty after the second was born. When the baby was only 5 month old, he left the family for three weeks, never returned any calls nor smses. No 3 was accident, i took quite sometime to accept the fact as i knew that he could not bond with the children well.<!-/quote-!><hr size=0></blockquote>Before I start, please understand these are all guesses. A real investigation into psychological profiles takes weeks, even months.

Most men are grossed out by certain realities of life. They see a curvaceous figure, and don't consider all the body fluids and life processes within. Many men who saw wife give birth even lost interest in sex. Only men who have true love in their hearts will accept reality (accept that girls are not sexy plastic toys).

Some men who hate burdens/responsibilities won't bond well with kids. At least a wife can be a sexy toy at times. Kids just eat food, cause trouble (to them). You mentioned he "plays computer". A creative and driven man will play with his career, ie spend time upgrading career, streamlining processes at work and at home, etc. You might have to prepare for the possibility that he is not cut out for adult life.

Let's take a look at your current situation.

You work full-time, even do part-time sales to supplement income. Your husband is not helping you to give you free time to upgrade (eg help with house chores, so you can study at night). He himself also not upgrading. Your situation will only become worse. You work non-stop, and your career and income will become stagnant and even dip over time.

You need to fix his attitude first. If a man wants a good time with sexy wife, he can surely demand she exercise, eat well, sleep well. However, he himself must put in effort to earn it too. Eg, earn enough so wife got free time to go gym. Yes, you should take care of your health and figure for him. But he must put in his own effort too.

Things to do.<ul>[*]Document everything that happens in a diary (will even improve your English/Mandarin too). <LI>Review diary, look for your own mistakes, look for areas to improve <LI>Bring your diary to AWARE, see http://www.aware.org.sg/support-services/legal-services/[/list]From now on, everything you do must be documented. Helps you to think before you do as well.

Remember. Always think and do things. Don't just get frustrated, confused, shout, etc.<blockquote><hr size=0><!-quote-!><font size=1>quote:</font>

If i know where he is, i still can file police report? He is staying with his mother currently which is just opposite block. Even at his mother house now, he did not talk to anyone. Sleeping, eating, playing computer and working are his normal routine. My maid and baby go to in law house everyday.<!-/quote-!><hr size=0></blockquote>No, you can't file a missing person report. Instead, always send a firm SMS to him, ask him to come back. Or ask him to help you with house chores. Or tell him you're already working full-time plus part-time. In short, responsibly issue requests for help, and document all those requests.

<blockquote><hr size=0><!-quote-!><font size=1>quote:</font>

We still can communicate last time, but for the past one year, every time i wanted to talk about our relationship, he only reply " I hve no mood to talk now, wait till i have mood" (which will never come), if i started to talk, he would just shout at me " Enough, stop now or i go away". I ever suggested marriage counsellor but he refused. How to quarrel with one mouth? I ever injured when i was trying to stop him from leaving the house. I hugged him but he just pulled me till my head knocked on the wall and had a big bump and my arm was covered with BIG bruises.<!-/quote-!><hr size=0></blockquote>
That's domestic violence, if he proactively pulled you and flung you into the wall. But DO NOT report to police for that! Write down in your diary, take photos of your bruises, just do the records. For such domestic violence to become chargeable, he must have full intention to hurt you, not avoid you.

<blockquote><hr size=0><!-quote-!><font size=1>quote:</font>

Add on: My elder son has chronic illness, he has stayed in hospital three times so far, none of it, the father stayed with him, I stayed with him even when i was pregnant with my 2nd kid and when i was doing my last confinement.<!-/quote-!><hr size=0></blockquote>
There are some possibilities here that you must clarify with him.

Is he feeling that you are not good enough for him? Maybe he thinks you're genetically weak because your first child is chronically ill?

If he is feeling that way, you need to be prepared to let him go soon. Under the law here, he must still take care of you (Women's Charter), so just go to the above link I gave you and ask for directions.

If you want to hold on to him, then you must be prepared to be his mother. How? Make sacrifices, cut out all your leisure time, study hard, upgrade career. 10 years later, after you've upgraded your career substantially, he may or may not follow suit. It's up to his character. But for your sake and your children's sake, you need to be the responsible adult in your family.

Or is he being bullied at work? If so, tell him that finding a good employer is like searching for the right wife, takes time and effort. He should keep upgrading his skills. Big successful companies wanna earn money, not play politics. They will pay him fairly for his skills.

Lastly, you did mention that he refuses to upgrade himself. Is your family income too low? I'd say $2000 is quite enough for a family to survive. If you love him, you will accept that income level, and not bug him to increase that. You will make sacrifices, cut out some forms of leisure, save money, etc. I suspect my guess here is not correct, since a husband who runs away from family is not a responsible working adult. If he's got time to play computer, he's actually got potential to upgrade and earn more.

Just take care of your family, and let him be for the time being.
 
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Just found out that my hubby had bed with a China woman (24 years old) during his trip to Guanzhou for his work. They knew each other through the apps, wechat, chatted for 4 months and able to bed when meet for the 1st time. My hubby's impression to that girl is simple and nice girl.

The meet up was initiated by that girl, they had a birthday celebration for the girl, my hubby even specially prepared cake, a $150 necklace purchase in Singapore and a birthday card. The girl was touched and suggested to go to her motel after dinner to continue the chat.

Upon arrival to the motel, they continued the chat until silence. The girl kept looking at the gift and birthday card which my hubby gave. She appeared to be so touched. My hubby then initiated to asked her if she is willing to be with him. The girl did not gave an answer but behave shyly. Then my hubby initiated to kiss and there they begin.

Upon my hubby return, they still carried on with the chat... But they had ended since discovered 1 month ago.

They really aroused my curiosity. Till now I still cannot understand why are they so cheap? Just met 1 time can bed. And she could bed without putting condom, just that my hubby did eventually.

When I tried to get the stuff back from that girl, she refused. She said she really love my hubby and wished to keep it. She promised to never message him again. I wonder if she really traded necklace for sex? That is really easy... Is it that their environment forced them to become like that? Causing them to target at married foreign man, as they are more vulnerable, then get a ticket out of their country.

Y all the weirdest thing could happen in china? China not enough man to satisfy them?
 
so hurt, really sorry to hear what happen. Although the women is so cheap to go to bed with a bed for just a $150/- necklace, but to some of them, that is a month slary.

It takes 2 to claps, i think the important thing here is your husband. Is he so easily tempted by other women.

I am not trying to defend the china women, but your husband should know his limit as he is a married man, what is his intention. Instead of asking that china women the questions, u should ask your husband.
 
Hi Mikki,

Thanks! For my hubby to get tempted so easily was partially my fault which I only see it after this painful lesson.

He usually got really bored when he is on shift duty at work. Everytime he will call me, but I was really too busy to entertain him. Taken him for granted. Also, my heart was not with him. We know that we both felt neglected by each other. But don't know how to deal with it.

And there come this girl after 5 years of our marriage. Gave him this fresh and new excitement. She responded to him almost quite immediately whenever on chat. That's how they started.

But going to the extend to bed is too much. He disregard this family and me. He even told that girl, should he and I continue to be like this, probably he could be with her.

Thinking back, it seems all arranged by someone up there to made us see the problem... But I still can't accept that it was the girl who actually invited him to the motel and created all this kind of opportunity.. which cat got opportunity wouldn't eat fish?
 
But I did told my husband, he should not have even agreed to meet up. He also promised not to have this kind of meetings. I even asked him, if ever next time there's a girl stripped infront of him, will he bed with her. He said it's very hard, but he promise he will not do anything that will hurt us and the family in future. He feels painfil going through this also, and will never want to go through again.
 
so hurt, if your husband is so easy tempted then u have really have to keep a lookout, as even without that women, there are many many outside.
 
Did you find out what apps he uses to get to know these china women? I think all of us better start checkinng our hubby's phones... I am not even aware of such apps which men can get to know foreign women??
 
I'm deeply hurt and depressed when i found my husband is having affairs with a china woman and some other singers. I was so heart broken that my husband has betrayed me after 21 years of marriage. I found out the truth after our wedding anniversary in Dec. I was so shocked and unbelievable after seeing his sms to the women.

I love my husband very much with all my heart. We have 4 kids. We had gone through the ups and downs for the past 13 years. Yet he can do such thing to hurt me deeply.

My husband failed his business in 1999 and had tried several times to rebuild his business but failed. For the last business, he used my name to set up a company but was not successful and owed a lot of debts. For the past few years, my family and I were harassed by the debtors. But i can bear all these difficulties. I have been working very hard to make extra income to support the damily and pay the debts especially his car summons.

After all these hard work, I was rewarded by his betrayal which has deeply deeply hurt me. He denied his affairs with the China women and claimed he still love me till today. I'm deeply heart broken and can't accept the fact though I know he is cheating me.

I can forgive him all the things he has done to me but not forgiving him for betraying me. My husband has changed and he stole my gold jewelery and money. I confronted him and he always denied. He even went gambling at casino.

This year was the saddest new year i had. I confronted him before New Year eve and he denied he did not sleep around with other women. And he blamed me for being too self centered and not caring about his feelings. I was really sad that for all i have been working so hard to help him and the family to get better life, i will end up with such repay from him. I am really heart broken.

I found out that the woman will be going back to China soon this month. She's asking my husband to pay her company so that she can go back. I just don't understand why my husband is so naive.
I'm thinking of divorcing him after I find evidences. But for the sake of the children, my father in law does not wish i file divorce with him. Though I love my husband very much, I feel my heart hurt and being slashed hard whenever i think of the affairs. Even I forgive him, will he change and love me as before? I dunno.....
 
Anyone can advise me if i divorce with my husband, will i able to get the custody of all my 4 children? If he will to fight with me for the children, what should i do?
 
Hi Hurt Deeply, sorry not able give any advice or words to console you. But wish to let u know that u are not alone, i truly understand how you feel as I myself facing exactly the same problem betrayed by my husband of 14 years and we hv 3 kids. For my case, I also so deeply hurt and wish to divorce him immediately if everything permit BUT am now still enduring due to many many uncertainties over my end (kids, housing, finance etc) . My youngest just starts nursery this year.....So now, everydays i live more like a zombie ....I only try to stay focus on kids issue and no more. (I keep telling myself no more expectation from him then no more disappointment from him .... 有点阿Q, 自我安慰...but this the only thing i can do now since I can't change anything now) .... 你加油！
 
What Apps? There are tons of it.

I know the PRCs and Taiwanese women love Apps like Line and WeChat, cause of the ez Chinese character typing and the cute emoticons.

Also, they can hide behind monikers, without revealing the contact number and names.

Whatsapp on the other hand, will reveal contact details.
 
Thank you Lynn.
I"m not so strong like you. It really hurts me whenever i think my husband flirting with the prc. My heart is bleeding and painful. Just becos i love him so much, he hurts me by cutting deep into my heart. I cant concenrate in my work and keep thinking. I dunno how long will i get over this.

Ya taitai My husband changed to use wechat and text in chinese. i cant imagine he became so atas.
 
Hi hurt deeply, I am not strong at all, in fact occasionally I still cry in the wee hour after all my kids sleep. I am just a coward, ever since last March after i knew of my own husband betrayal till now (he refuse to change) and I still cannot make any changes out of it... In total, knew my husband for 20 yrs and love and trusted him for past 20 yrs....we married for 14 yrs and I hv been a SAHM for past 12 yrs since the birth of our eldest child ..... so with no friends, no strong family support, no alternative help and most important no inome and no alternative shelter ... so to endure with the situation now is the only way I can do....（I also not to sure for how long I can endure, hopefully can wait till my youngest enter P1 and I can then find myself a PT job, earn some income, build up circle of friends and confident from there). Now can only choose to close both eyes on him and focus solely on my 3 kids.（没有尊严的赖着不走只为了有个可以屋顶）....so if u able to do more and better than me, go ahead and do whatever u think is right and good for yourself and your kids future.... ... and if u hv close friends or family members who u able to share 心事，talk to them ...it will definietly help to relief some stress..keep everything to yourself is terrible and horrible, and I know that feeling strongly... (For me, I on religious music to find calm and to relief stress) ...that y I can only say 加油！
 
Hi Hurt deeply and Lynnang,

I can feel for you... when my hubby told me the truth about they bed. I grab so hard and feel like throwing my phone. My whole body went cold and sour, feel like running out and sweat it out. Whenever I bath, I felt upset looking at my body. So this is the punishment I deserve after giving birth to our 2 adorable children.

My hubby cried too, i can feel that he feel so bad. We never realize how we are so important to each other.

We see the problem in our marriage. He felt emptiness as I always put my time on work and kids. My heart was not with him also. I hate him for lying.. but thinking back, it is only natural for him trying to cover up as far as he could, thinking to minimize the hurt caused.

My hubby initially avoided me to ask him further more questions. But I still feel something missing, I don't know why I am so keen to ask more, every details.

I then went online to find out more, and realized that it is only normal to behave this way. This is the way to re-build trust and should have no more lies.
http://www.wikihow.com/Rebuild-Your-Spouse's-Trust-After-an-Affair

He opened up to me more and knowing what to do more. Many questions popped in, he answered each and everyone. Until I'm dried with questions.

We know where our problem was, so we tackle them together. He promised me that he will never ever commit it again.
 
Thanks, so hurt. Good to hear that your relationship with your hubby is heading the correct path together. Is good that your husband is willing to open up himself and tackle the problem together with you, at least this shown that he still love you and want to save the marriage.....I also understand that Communication is the most important part in a relationship..... But my husband just refuse to talk abt it, refuse to open himself, refuse to rethink of our relationship, our marriage our family, his kids.. .. then, there is nothing i can do. Ever since last March, after I found out he affair(I dun even know his affair last? is this the very 1st time? ) he merely admit it, but no changes till now. In fact, worst, now he knew that I already knew of his wrongdoings and also knew that I can't change anything（no family support, 没地方可去， 拿他没办法) . He carry on enjoying his way of life....come home much later than before w/o the need to find any excuse...4/5am daily.... So, that y, I said i can't thing now but only to focus on my kids and no more.
 
Hi Lynnang,

How could your husband do this to you? Have you all tried to look into the problems? Do you think that he still regard you?Does he even show guilt upon his mistakes? Does he still wants his family? Have you tried to be soft on him, give him the courage to open up. Y not tell him just open up, nothing more can be more hurtful than what he had done. To open up, is a way to re-build trust.

Is this the marriage what both of you are looking at? Marriage is no matter what happen, husband and wife must hold hand in hand to go through this together.


Personally I feel:
1. Should have a heart to heart talk, in a calm manner and show that you care, if you care, you will be very upset. If you don't, he would feel that he is not needed. When he feel not needed, then there's no point to carry on with the partner who don't care.
2. Is he guilty? Does he wants to put in the effort together to improve?
3. Is there anything at your part that you think should improve as well? You could share the responsibility with him, but it should consider a bonus instead of like he really take it that you share the blame for what the wrong he had done.

I hope the above helps. Now my hubby and I found a new way of life, despite many times I got sensitive with his words and feel upset. But he is expecting it, and try means and ways to please me as he could. He promise me that he will do whatever it takes to recover our relationship and mend for the wrong he did. Probably, my problem was least complicated.
 
Thanks for sharing So Hurt.

I'm happy that your husband still cherishes you and the relationship. Glad that you have made the efforts to recover the trust in your busband again.

I had confronted my husband about the affairs but he denied and insisted he didn't betray me at all. But the evidences tell everythings. I didn't tell him that i found evidences.

I love my husband very much. But I just cannot accept the fact he betrayed me. We have tried to talk to resolve the problem but it didn't turn out right. Till today, we have not settled the problem. I'm in a dilemma where i do not know should i continue the relationship by closing one eye for the sake of my 4 kids. Or should i divorce him and start my new life with my 4 kids.
 
Hurt Deeply,
go see a marriage counselor - seek help to find ways to resolve this. no one else can give you advise to divorce or not. only yourself.
Care Corner (TPY) has this support group for wives like us to share and support. Give them a call for more info.
take care.
 
My hubs had an affair (I suspect he rekindled the relationship!) with a 'private' PRC masseuse whom he hooked up when he went for her 'services'. He slept with her at the 3rd meeting, and even paid for her to join him on his business trip. Apparently a student who is doing the service 'part time' to supplement her family income back home.
Never before had he uttered the word 'split up' until the time when he had the relationship with her. Now he wants to separate with me on the pretext of wanting to live on his own. I don't buy it. I think he is still seeing her and is using this separation for his convenience.
When I found out - he confessed - I made him break it off with her on the spot - he did it over the phone but subsequently out of 'trust' I did not obsess abt the affair bc I thought we were 'giving it another shot'- so I never checked on him. But throughout the 3 mths or so of 'trying' - he mentioned a few times how 'he still thinks of her', 'worrying if she is OK', 'will need time to get over her'....blablablablablabla!
Now he's at stage wanting to separate fr me. He even went to look for his 'own place'.
We are still living together and the past 2 mths had been hell - bc he pretty much abandoned me. I had to take care of myself. The change was really drastic and I was left in disbelief at all his excuses. Even confronting him in front of family did not help - he kept the same excuse of wanting to strike out on his own and never having thought about it before we got married!
I am in despair nw bc he kept using the same excuse and tried to make ppl believe that the he was never sincere 100% in the marriage - I think it is bull crap.
Can a PI find out details abt the PRC if he is still seeing her?
He is very tech savvy and I do not have access to his electronics/ data without him suspecting.
What legalities can I impose and what details will I need?

HELP!
 
ashleyteo said:
Sometimes, a person may have dual personality, or some deep character and traits that we may not see at the surface.
Some are even born being a highly sensual person, and not knowing where or how to use those "energy" in a more meaningful ways.

Some are born being very charismatic, and tends to attract the opposite sex.
It is important to know oneself and the other person real character and traits, and how to control, manage and relate to them.

For example, the well known Taiwanese singer, songwriter and host was born with a set of numbers, where he has a higher chance of marriage problem.
If he knew where his problems are, like communication, then it can possibly savage his marriage.

Another example, is the well known local television actor, host and director who had an affairs a few years back. He was born being a highly sensual person, has dual personality and also has a higher chance of marriage problem. Luckily for him, his wife was forgiving. Sometimes, knowing oneself better, and also knowing the other party inner most character and traits may help to resolve some of these problems.

Nevertheless, seek some help on your relationship, if there is a problem like professional counseling.

Always stay Positive, and think Positively.

Have a Change mindset. Paradigm shift. and do not think negatively.

Even though it may be very difficult, but do Forgive and forget after resolving the problems, and move forward.
Click to expand...


i like your post on positive thinking.

i also like your sentence on forgive and forget.

But the real world is not so positive and ideal like u say, u have not gone through what many wives here have gone through, we don't seek revenge, but the husband it the one coming back to revenge like trying hard to take away the children from us no making our life difficult not not giving maintenance for us and the children, BUT SPEND on TOW.
 
taitai said:
I know the PRCs and Taiwanese women love Apps like Line and WeChat, cause of the ez Chinese character typing and the cute emoticons.
Also, they can hide behind monikers, without revealing the contact number and names.
Whatsapp on the other hand, will reveal contact details.
Click to expand...
Pros and cons using WeChat.

hurt_deeply said:
Thank you Lynn.
Ya taitai My husband changed to use wechat and text in chinese. i cant imagine he became so atas.
Click to expand...
WeChat (click to read news)
 
fantasiaval said:
any guys or ladies here can pm me for a chat? im set on my mind for divorce this year..my husband has china mistress n he loves her.

he wants to move out with her already. i still have young kids 4 mnths old.

has any1 here encountered china mistresses? or wat can i do to get rid of the woman? the china woman is now in china but coming to SG soon..she is 27 yrs old supposedly n student. but i think my husband knows her in SG pub. anyone tried to convince their husband to leave china woman?

im realli desperate n hope she wont cheat his money
Click to expand...

If a man is so irresponsible, then you're better off without him. Remember, it takes 'two hands to clap,'. If you keep him, can you trust him again? I know your kid is still young, but you can be strong and stand on your own. I have a single mom friend, she is happier after her divorce and her daughter is now 10 and thriving.
These men are really stupid, once the money is gone, the PRC women won't stick around, it's that simple. Let the men learn their lessons the hard way and best is the wives don't take them back when they come crawling home for forgiveness because no more money and no woman.
 
I hope everything goes well but you guys should hang out more often and get to know each other better. Maybe you could take him out for sports such as running, badminton, golf, tennis, etc.. If you wish, I could give you a better pricing for our running coaching program and you guys could join together so to build a stronger and better bond. I'm not telling you have to join our coaching program but I'm asking you to take up sports so you could have a better bonding together as according to one research, playing or involving in sports help to build better bonding. Hope this help.
 
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