Just wanna find an avenue to pour my heart out.
Problem with in-laws for Chinese New Year (CNY).
My husband and I are Malaysians but staying in Singapore.
Every CNY, we have been celebrating it in his hometown Johor. For the past 10+ years since I married into his family, I have never once celebrated CNY with my family. But 2 years ago because one of my family was very sick till almost died, I decided I should make it a point to go back and celebrate with my family too. So we will drive off on 2nd day of CNY to my hometown up in the north Kedah. Spend 2 days there and drive back to Johor. Rest 1 day and go back Singapore.
But this year because my son has exam on the week after CNY, I cannot allow him to miss school during that week. Hence, I am making him skip school 2 days before CNY to give us the traveling time. Due to this, we need to go up to my hometown first, then come back on 1st day of CNY to Johor and spend the rest of CNY with his family.
Initially, my in laws agreed no problem. But now the so called kaypoh uncles and aunties at my in-laws side cause trouble. They say reunion dinner at the guy's side very important so we cannot have at the girl's side. Come on... what century are they living in?! Can't we even have reunion dinner on 1st day of CNY. They can say my in laws are very old so must spend CNY with them. Does that mean my parents are getting younger??? Furthermore, their own daughter in laws staying in HK and Indonesia never come back to celebrate CNY with them. Only their sons will fly back themselves. And yet they can say other people's family. Why don't they take care of their own family first.
I just quarreled with my husband over this. I said if they dare say in front of my face, I will definitely tell them I should follow their daughter in laws and just go straight to my own family and not even come back to "bai nian" with the parents in law.
It's as if his parents are important and my parents are not. What is this?!
Furthermore, my husband does not even go visit my parents during holidays when I bring my kids back. He only goes back during CNY. Do not give me face. I am so angry that I want to scream! I dare not tell my parents coz for sure they will tell me if I am facing this kind of problem, then they rather I don't come back. Don't quarrel. They will see us during other time because they are very understanding.
Even during school holidays, we will go back to my husband's side every quarter ie. March, June, Sep, and Dec. But my family is only June and December. Yet my father in law can say "You must bring the kids and spend longer at my place." I told my husband off for keeping quiet. Why can't you explain that we already spend so much time at your side. Can't you allow the kids to spend 2 weeks at my side. Is it really that much to ask???
I always keep my mouth shut as I don't want trouble. But this time I really very angry. So I told my husband if that's the case, then we will have reunion dinner with your family but first thing at 4am 1st day of CNY, we will be setting off to travel 8 hours on the road. So no "bai nian". Then on 3rd day of CNY we will go back Johor and get jammed on the highway (because Saturday more people travelling home), followed by Singapore on 4th day Sunday. At first, if I had followed my initial plan, we can go back to Singapore on Saturday and let my son rest 1 day before he start school. But now cannot. So the kids will be tired out from the short timing for travelling and jams. In the end, the kids suffer because of these kaypohs and non-understanding people.
Anyone in the same situation like me can share how you all arrange for CNY? My 2 friends who are facing this problem does it this way - each CNY they will spend at one side of the family. So it's alternate CNY at each side because they say the travelling is too much. But my husband does not agree. Said CNY must spend at his side. I cannot tahan anymore so I force him to go back to my side even if it's 2 days.
This is really stubborn and old fashion mindset people. At this time and age, they still think husband's family is more superior than the wife's side. I am trying to be fair to both sides (and already I give more days to my husband's side) but yet they are still asking for more. Why did I marry into such a family?
Problem with in-laws for Chinese New Year (CNY).
My husband and I are Malaysians but staying in Singapore.
Every CNY, we have been celebrating it in his hometown Johor. For the past 10+ years since I married into his family, I have never once celebrated CNY with my family. But 2 years ago because one of my family was very sick till almost died, I decided I should make it a point to go back and celebrate with my family too. So we will drive off on 2nd day of CNY to my hometown up in the north Kedah. Spend 2 days there and drive back to Johor. Rest 1 day and go back Singapore.
But this year because my son has exam on the week after CNY, I cannot allow him to miss school during that week. Hence, I am making him skip school 2 days before CNY to give us the traveling time. Due to this, we need to go up to my hometown first, then come back on 1st day of CNY to Johor and spend the rest of CNY with his family.
Initially, my in laws agreed no problem. But now the so called kaypoh uncles and aunties at my in-laws side cause trouble. They say reunion dinner at the guy's side very important so we cannot have at the girl's side. Come on... what century are they living in?! Can't we even have reunion dinner on 1st day of CNY. They can say my in laws are very old so must spend CNY with them. Does that mean my parents are getting younger??? Furthermore, their own daughter in laws staying in HK and Indonesia never come back to celebrate CNY with them. Only their sons will fly back themselves. And yet they can say other people's family. Why don't they take care of their own family first.
I just quarreled with my husband over this. I said if they dare say in front of my face, I will definitely tell them I should follow their daughter in laws and just go straight to my own family and not even come back to "bai nian" with the parents in law.
It's as if his parents are important and my parents are not. What is this?!
Furthermore, my husband does not even go visit my parents during holidays when I bring my kids back. He only goes back during CNY. Do not give me face. I am so angry that I want to scream! I dare not tell my parents coz for sure they will tell me if I am facing this kind of problem, then they rather I don't come back. Don't quarrel. They will see us during other time because they are very understanding.
Even during school holidays, we will go back to my husband's side every quarter ie. March, June, Sep, and Dec. But my family is only June and December. Yet my father in law can say "You must bring the kids and spend longer at my place." I told my husband off for keeping quiet. Why can't you explain that we already spend so much time at your side. Can't you allow the kids to spend 2 weeks at my side. Is it really that much to ask???
I always keep my mouth shut as I don't want trouble. But this time I really very angry. So I told my husband if that's the case, then we will have reunion dinner with your family but first thing at 4am 1st day of CNY, we will be setting off to travel 8 hours on the road. So no "bai nian". Then on 3rd day of CNY we will go back Johor and get jammed on the highway (because Saturday more people travelling home), followed by Singapore on 4th day Sunday. At first, if I had followed my initial plan, we can go back to Singapore on Saturday and let my son rest 1 day before he start school. But now cannot. So the kids will be tired out from the short timing for travelling and jams. In the end, the kids suffer because of these kaypohs and non-understanding people.
Anyone in the same situation like me can share how you all arrange for CNY? My 2 friends who are facing this problem does it this way - each CNY they will spend at one side of the family. So it's alternate CNY at each side because they say the travelling is too much. But my husband does not agree. Said CNY must spend at his side. I cannot tahan anymore so I force him to go back to my side even if it's 2 days.
This is really stubborn and old fashion mindset people. At this time and age, they still think husband's family is more superior than the wife's side. I am trying to be fair to both sides (and already I give more days to my husband's side) but yet they are still asking for more. Why did I marry into such a family?