I’ve been married for a bit more than a year and have pretty much been though most of the ordeal mentioned. My attitude towards ILs has evolved from one of RENness to questioning myself: What do I want from the marriage? I can rationalize and REN to reduce conflict, but I believe too much rationalization/ suppression of our emotions (doing what you should rather than what you really want) makes one unhappy. ILs just have no idea how hard women nowadays have to work. My MIL was commented once that she should have gone out to work; she can go shopping and enjoy herself instead of sacrificing her life for the family. When remind her she’s free to look for a job 10 yrs ago, her children have long grown up, she’ll say she’s very busy with cleaning the house everyday.
1) I understand my MIL is insecure and need to cling onto her only son- my hb (though she has another daughter). But does one woman (MIL)’s ignorance and insecurities give her the right to interfere and mess up another woman (the DIL)’s marriage? I have asked my hb to call his mum/ chit-chat with her more to manage her insecurities. His response is a mix of avoidance and lukewarm acknowledgement. And I’ve to deal with my MIL questioning if we spend a lot of time at my parents’ place (?!) I wish I could tell my MIL one day that I didn’t steal her son; she scared him away.
2) I’m not staying with my ILs though they are can’t wait to invade our house. Since I paid for 50% of the house and share 50% of the household expenses, I don’t see why my ILs& relatives should behave like it’s a given right for my ILS to move in and take over house. If I paid for half with my hard-earned money, I have equal rights to be a filial daughter and my parents have equal right to move in, isn’t.
3) Why isn’t there a marriage workshop for ILs. Or why doesn’t MCYS do some campaign to educate the ILs. The ILs need someone one to tell them the damages their selfish whims are doing to their children’s marriage(s). I feel exhausted, my patience tested and my faith in the marriage tested and weakened.
1) I understand my MIL is insecure and need to cling onto her only son- my hb (though she has another daughter). But does one woman (MIL)’s ignorance and insecurities give her the right to interfere and mess up another woman (the DIL)’s marriage? I have asked my hb to call his mum/ chit-chat with her more to manage her insecurities. His response is a mix of avoidance and lukewarm acknowledgement. And I’ve to deal with my MIL questioning if we spend a lot of time at my parents’ place (?!) I wish I could tell my MIL one day that I didn’t steal her son; she scared him away.
2) I’m not staying with my ILs though they are can’t wait to invade our house. Since I paid for 50% of the house and share 50% of the household expenses, I don’t see why my ILs& relatives should behave like it’s a given right for my ILS to move in and take over house. If I paid for half with my hard-earned money, I have equal rights to be a filial daughter and my parents have equal right to move in, isn’t.
3) Why isn’t there a marriage workshop for ILs. Or why doesn’t MCYS do some campaign to educate the ILs. The ILs need someone one to tell them the damages their selfish whims are doing to their children’s marriage(s). I feel exhausted, my patience tested and my faith in the marriage tested and weakened.