Advise needed for staying with In-Laws?
- Thread starter koala_pig
- Start date
You have stayed with your in-law right from the beginner? I just moved in...
How old is your child now? No problem?
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How old is your child now? No problem?
My Gal Scapbook Blog
http://www.freescrapbookzone.com
hi piggy,
yes, stayed with them right from the start...as the mummies above mentioned...it's about respect, giving space and tolerance...it's possible...
of cos can't say totally no prob right? that would be totally unreal but with give and take, it'll work out. my kids are all below 4 and having inlaws ard sure help
yes, stayed with them right from the start...as the mummies above mentioned...it's about respect, giving space and tolerance...it's possible...
of cos can't say totally no prob right? that would be totally unreal but with give and take, it'll work out. my kids are all below 4 and having inlaws ard sure help
oh...thans..all of you! how you all sort out all the household chores?
My MIL gave us their masteroom.. I guess its really nice of her as now she staying in the smallest unit in the house.
Sorry, i am asking a sensitive qns. How much do you all gave to them on top of the usual montly allowance?
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My MIL gave us their masteroom.. I guess its really nice of her as now she staying in the smallest unit in the house.
Sorry, i am asking a sensitive qns. How much do you all gave to them on top of the usual montly allowance?
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http://www.freescrapbookzone.com
I have been staying with my in-laws and my bro-in law since my hubby and I got married late last year. It was really not easy getting used to their living habits. Still trying hard to adapt. Luckily, my hubby is understanding and is planning to look for a place of our own when the baby is due end of the year. Phew!
What I can say is lots of patience, tolerance, tolerance and tolerance. You have to be very chin chai.
Old folks esp MIL tend to be more naggy and most of the time she would want her say in the way and things should be, esp when u are staying under her roof. It also depends on your MIL's character. Mine is a homemaker all her life so she is not exposed to the ever changing society. Thus, she is more judgemental, traditional and conservative in her school of thoughts. What I can do is to close one eye, one ear in one ear out. Never never talk back and sometimes the truth always hurts. I have tried it, trust me and what I get is a black face and a cold war for 3 days until I apologised. If you really need to tell them, can try to get your hubby to say (it always works, they always listen to their own son.) or slowly explain your viewpoint to your MIL (this takes a long long time to take a little effect).
From preparation of the wedding, to setting up our own room, my pregnancy diet, even the baby's gender, baby full month celebration, hiring of the maid, and where to do my confinement, who to take care of my little one and finally how many kids I need to have, I have been through and through. Hahaha! It was like fighting an intelligence battle. They will have 1001 suggestions and ways that they want u to follow. Ultimately, you need to learn how to say no smartly, not offending them if you do not want to follow suit.
There are downs and of course there are ups, both pros and cons living as an extended family. There is support and help as and when u need them esp when you have kids.
What I can say is lots of patience, tolerance, tolerance and tolerance. You have to be very chin chai.
From preparation of the wedding, to setting up our own room, my pregnancy diet, even the baby's gender, baby full month celebration, hiring of the maid, and where to do my confinement, who to take care of my little one and finally how many kids I need to have, I have been through and through. Hahaha! It was like fighting an intelligence battle. They will have 1001 suggestions and ways that they want u to follow. Ultimately, you need to learn how to say no smartly, not offending them if you do not want to follow suit.
There are downs and of course there are ups, both pros and cons living as an extended family. There is support and help as and when u need them esp when you have kids.
I have also stayed with MIL from the beginning, becos FIL passed away even b4 i met hubby, we had to live with her. It was ok at first, then came our 1st child, (after 2 yrs of marriage)things started to get edgy, cos we have different methods of looking after children, so it was still ok...just a few disagreements here and there but tolerable. Now that 1st child is 3yrs old, i have realised that she is being yelled most of the time when i come home from work, UNTIL i gave birth to 2nd child late last month and stayed home to do confinement, the first 2 weeks i witnessed that 1st DD was being screamed at for everything she does right or wrong, imagine all the time when i was at work??? now that i have a new born, i wont let her end up like that. Now i understand why my DD lack self esteem. i am now on no speaking terms with her and vice versa. she cant even handle 1 child imagine 2?
My advice is.....distance always makes the heart fonder.....
My advice is.....distance always makes the heart fonder.....
hi piggy,
i've been staying with my in-laws all along.
and the advice is keep a generous heart with them..
sometimes my fil will miss aim the toilet bowl and forgot to flush his smelly away ... stay together is like that lor ... they are old liao and give them some dignity lor.
dun like my sis-in-law like that ... my dad eat one of her bananas also go and confront and say want to eat buy yourself.
i've been staying with my in-laws all along.
and the advice is keep a generous heart with them..
sometimes my fil will miss aim the toilet bowl and forgot to flush his smelly away ... stay together is like that lor ... they are old liao and give them some dignity lor.
dun like my sis-in-law like that ... my dad eat one of her bananas also go and confront and say want to eat buy yourself.
before i got married i was staying with my in laws, after i got married i stayed with them for few mths.
Living with them i guess one has to learn to give and be patient too. shifted out after i got pregnant in 05, soon i will shifiting back to stay with them liaoz..
very much looking forward, cos i can communicate with my mil.
she is rather fun lady to be with.
Living with them i guess one has to learn to give and be patient too. shifted out after i got pregnant in 05, soon i will shifiting back to stay with them liaoz..
very much looking forward, cos i can communicate with my mil.
Mochi,
i think your sister inlaw in terrible! How can he said that to your dad.
Carole,
Sound like you shouldnt have shift out since you can get along w your inlaw so well..btw, what happen to your current house?
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i think your sister inlaw in terrible! How can he said that to your dad.
Carole,
Sound like you shouldnt have shift out since you can get along w your inlaw so well..btw, what happen to your current house?
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mochi
Yr SIL is a bit petty right...one banana only...
at least he only eats one banana out of a bunch..
my BIL finished all the snacks and food that I buy to stock for my late night hunger craves...
from milk, nuts to bread...i think he seems to be also pregnant like me...I can only grumble in silence
anyway, i advocate staying near but not together under one roof...
Yr SIL is a bit petty right...one banana only...
at least he only eats one banana out of a bunch..
my BIL finished all the snacks and food that I buy to stock for my late night hunger craves...
from milk, nuts to bread...i think he seems to be also pregnant like me...I can only grumble in silence
halo to every mummies.. I'm new in here. Actually i oso leave with my MIL, FIL SIL and BIL. I move in before i got married. I had been living with them almost six years. My MIL is a wonderful MIL as for my FIL he's quite ok too. Exepect my SIL, same as reishi BIL. Finished all the snacks tat i brought for my cravings but NEVER EVER buy bck for me i always got my hubby to buy for me and he will hide in our room for me. Haha... But too bad we are moving out soon cos nt enf rooms and on top of it i just employ a maid. So got no other choice but to move out. If not i will stay in her house for sure. Cos my MIL will side with me whatever i say or do. Or maybe my MIL is a very "chin-chai" ppl. She's fun to be with. She oso help me to look after my 8mths plus daughter even thought she come back from work everyday without fail. As for my daughter things she will ask me before hand even thought she had 3 children her own self. I could say only she the BEST MIL in this world!!!
janice: lol, looks like we sama sama leh. My Mil is nice to me, can sit down and gossip over a morning cup of coffee too.
no much likings for my SIL, as she doesnt teach her own kids and let the elder does what he wants, even pushes his younger brother, and sil can sit there bo chap. BIL is little greedy monster, loves snacks. always say he is dieting but u can see him walloping all snacks he can find, sticks of ice cream and sodas.. gosh...
piggy: sold my current plc 2 weeks ago and yesterday the buyer exercise the option, and we cfm shifting back on 1st dec.
and keys handing over in 3rd dec. looks fast manz
hb misses this plc alot. but this silly idiot loves this plc so much yet he willing to sell... guess the $ comes more impt lor.
no much likings for my SIL, as she doesnt teach her own kids and let the elder does what he wants, even pushes his younger brother, and sil can sit there bo chap. BIL is little greedy monster, loves snacks. always say he is dieting but u can see him walloping all snacks he can find, sticks of ice cream and sodas.. gosh...
piggy: sold my current plc 2 weeks ago and yesterday the buyer exercise the option, and we cfm shifting back on 1st dec.
ya lor Carole i couldnt agree more with you. My sil is single not married but i reali dislike her cos i had never seen someone like her in my life. Lazy, untidness, very bo-chap and only know hw to ask $$ for my MIL or me althought she's working. Never contribute any $$ only know hw to ask for $$. Sometimes i think doesnt she feel ashamed so big liao still ask for $$.
my SIL also bo chap kind. she can shower in the bathroom and hack care if its dirty. I was then pregnant and no longer staying with in laws, i still have to wash their toilet for them. MIL got angry and suan BIL (her son) indirectly, saying staying here ones dun bother... My BIL only say, his wife also pregnant.. landed every weekend, i there i wash.
piggy: exercise option means, buyer pays the balance 4% in cheque/cash/cashier order to buy the hse. which also means the sale is cfm.
MIL is one kind. her elder son sick down with flu, she can allow him to eat ice cream, drink chilled drinks and even sweets etc. worse, flu and running nose, dun clean n let him rub everywhere.. so disgusting!
piggy: exercise option means, buyer pays the balance 4% in cheque/cash/cashier order to buy the hse. which also means the sale is cfm.
MIL is one kind. her elder son sick down with flu, she can allow him to eat ice cream, drink chilled drinks and even sweets etc. worse, flu and running nose, dun clean n let him rub everywhere.. so disgusting!
katherine_k
Member
Hi,
I stayed wit my ILs since end Feb 2006. I really regret to agree staying wit them! Their living styles are horrible. Their place is so messy n wit so so many many things in the hse. Very UNTIDY n DIRTY!!! I feel so ashamed staying there wit them. Every weekends I wil go back to my mom pl n stay over the weekend n tat is my happiest time of 1 week. I just look forward to Sat n hate Sunday 6pm as I will have to go back to their place again.
But my FIL is a horrible man... he keep everything n make the whole place so messy n dirty. He is the one who does the marketing n he always go to JB to do marketing n top up petrol too. He buy seafood like prawns & fish from JB too as his car will stink the next day. I prefer to buy fresh fish for my boy but he dun want! I really pity my boy so is my family. Every weekend my parents will buy fresh fish for my boy as they say give kid must be fresh one and my boy can finish 1.5 bowl of porridge wit fried fish. Back to my FIL, although JB n Spore is just neighbour countries but the heat in the car will spolit the seafood too. The fish he buy is so tough n the prawns so soft n soggy unlike those fresh Q Q prawns. Oh n the tau gan he buy turns sour too. I try to eat tau gan on the day he buy n if I know he bought a few days back, I wont eat.
My hubby bought the condo wit my MIL b4 he met me n I thght I got not much choice but to stay wit them. I even convince myself tat it is not a bad idea since I dun have to do hseworks or do any cooking, I just look after my boy tat all. My MIL is a very thrifty person so she will keep the laundry water n flush the toilet bowl that y their place got lot & lot of pails. My boy is not those kwai kwai type n I so scare tat one day he will fall or trip into the pail.
Btw my SIL is single so she is staying wit us too. She is ok but she is so innocent or WU ZI I must say. She only know how to study as her mom want her to concentrate on her studies, she is doing full time part-time studies. Until now my MIL still wash underwear for her n she is 25yrs old!
Abt the way how my MIL look after my son. Since my boy was young, she alway tell him 'scare scare (geng geng in cantonese') to scare my boy. Now my boy a bit of thing, he will scare which I dun like, my boy like so timid. The way she look after my boy is so so wrong n I hate it! I want to send my boy to school to 'toughen' him n get him out of my MIL clutches! I understand tat when my boy go to school, he will pick up so bad habits or get sick easily but honestly I really ok wit it.
I thght of leaving the place wit my boy but I those type tat will say but no action one. I dun really want to have jia bian. Now they are selling the pl but the pl is so messy, not many pple will want to buy (from my pt of view). I really hope got some kind soul buy the place so tat we can move out n have our own place call HOME.
Sorry to vent out my frustration n make u all listen to my story.
I stayed wit my ILs since end Feb 2006. I really regret to agree staying wit them! Their living styles are horrible. Their place is so messy n wit so so many many things in the hse. Very UNTIDY n DIRTY!!! I feel so ashamed staying there wit them. Every weekends I wil go back to my mom pl n stay over the weekend n tat is my happiest time of 1 week. I just look forward to Sat n hate Sunday 6pm as I will have to go back to their place again.
But my FIL is a horrible man... he keep everything n make the whole place so messy n dirty. He is the one who does the marketing n he always go to JB to do marketing n top up petrol too. He buy seafood like prawns & fish from JB too as his car will stink the next day. I prefer to buy fresh fish for my boy but he dun want! I really pity my boy so is my family. Every weekend my parents will buy fresh fish for my boy as they say give kid must be fresh one and my boy can finish 1.5 bowl of porridge wit fried fish. Back to my FIL, although JB n Spore is just neighbour countries but the heat in the car will spolit the seafood too. The fish he buy is so tough n the prawns so soft n soggy unlike those fresh Q Q prawns. Oh n the tau gan he buy turns sour too. I try to eat tau gan on the day he buy n if I know he bought a few days back, I wont eat.
My hubby bought the condo wit my MIL b4 he met me n I thght I got not much choice but to stay wit them. I even convince myself tat it is not a bad idea since I dun have to do hseworks or do any cooking, I just look after my boy tat all. My MIL is a very thrifty person so she will keep the laundry water n flush the toilet bowl that y their place got lot & lot of pails. My boy is not those kwai kwai type n I so scare tat one day he will fall or trip into the pail.
Btw my SIL is single so she is staying wit us too. She is ok but she is so innocent or WU ZI I must say. She only know how to study as her mom want her to concentrate on her studies, she is doing full time part-time studies. Until now my MIL still wash underwear for her n she is 25yrs old!
Abt the way how my MIL look after my son. Since my boy was young, she alway tell him 'scare scare (geng geng in cantonese') to scare my boy. Now my boy a bit of thing, he will scare which I dun like, my boy like so timid. The way she look after my boy is so so wrong n I hate it! I want to send my boy to school to 'toughen' him n get him out of my MIL clutches! I understand tat when my boy go to school, he will pick up so bad habits or get sick easily but honestly I really ok wit it.
I thght of leaving the place wit my boy but I those type tat will say but no action one. I dun really want to have jia bian. Now they are selling the pl but the pl is so messy, not many pple will want to buy (from my pt of view). I really hope got some kind soul buy the place so tat we can move out n have our own place call HOME.
Sorry to vent out my frustration n make u all listen to my story.
katherine: if they are selling the place, where are they gng to stay? buying one on their own or buying one with ur hubby? have this been sorted out?
I understand not many DIL wishes to stay with ILs due to many reasons. dont be dishearten. at least u have tried and gain some experiences. This will helps us to grow and be a better ILs next time.
I understand not many DIL wishes to stay with ILs due to many reasons. dont be dishearten. at least u have tried and gain some experiences. This will helps us to grow and be a better ILs next time.
katherine_k
Member
Hi,
Actually my hubby dun want to stay wit his parents too as he said tat his parents are always quarrelling. His mom will bang things when she is not happy. He is sian of their behaviour too but he cant do until unless they sell away the pl.
Piggy,
Yes after selling the place, we will live on our own. I will send my boy to school n if I have 2nd bb, I will employ maid n bring to my mom pl or to infant care.
Carole,
They will rent a place or they may buy or watever but my hubby has make himself very clear tat we will buy our own HDB. My FIL thght of buying a landed property n my hubby told him '3 OF U dun need such big pl' I told my hubby too tat I WONT GIVE IN tis time if they say want to live together.
From my behaviour I think my ILS know tat I really dun want n not happy staying wit them. As last time I still talk to them n go out wit them but ever since I moved in, I become very quiet n I was really very moody. The 1st thing I open my eyes, I want to get out of there n the last thing I want to do is go back there.
Yesterday I was on leave n I went wondering on the streets whole day n I dun want to go back. I feel tat I dun know where to go n I wonder ard until 6.30pm as tat is my normal going back time. Some of u may feel tat I dun need to wonder or shopping the whole day, I can always go back n stay in my room. I tried b4 n my MIL said tat when I at home, my boy dun want to eat his dinner n want me to play wit him. And my FIL will add the fuel n my MIL will said 'u stay in room n dun come out' I think most kids will manja wit their mom n they want him to eat 2 bowl of porridge n if he has only 1 bowl, they will be angry. For a kid, I think 2 bowls are too much for their timid tummy. I told them so many times but they said tat he can eat when I not ard. I am SICK n TIRED of all those things.
Actually my hubby dun want to stay wit his parents too as he said tat his parents are always quarrelling. His mom will bang things when she is not happy. He is sian of their behaviour too but he cant do until unless they sell away the pl.
Piggy,
Yes after selling the place, we will live on our own. I will send my boy to school n if I have 2nd bb, I will employ maid n bring to my mom pl or to infant care.
Carole,
They will rent a place or they may buy or watever but my hubby has make himself very clear tat we will buy our own HDB. My FIL thght of buying a landed property n my hubby told him '3 OF U dun need such big pl' I told my hubby too tat I WONT GIVE IN tis time if they say want to live together.
From my behaviour I think my ILS know tat I really dun want n not happy staying wit them. As last time I still talk to them n go out wit them but ever since I moved in, I become very quiet n I was really very moody. The 1st thing I open my eyes, I want to get out of there n the last thing I want to do is go back there.
Yesterday I was on leave n I went wondering on the streets whole day n I dun want to go back. I feel tat I dun know where to go n I wonder ard until 6.30pm as tat is my normal going back time. Some of u may feel tat I dun need to wonder or shopping the whole day, I can always go back n stay in my room. I tried b4 n my MIL said tat when I at home, my boy dun want to eat his dinner n want me to play wit him. And my FIL will add the fuel n my MIL will said 'u stay in room n dun come out' I think most kids will manja wit their mom n they want him to eat 2 bowl of porridge n if he has only 1 bowl, they will be angry. For a kid, I think 2 bowls are too much for their timid tummy. I told them so many times but they said tat he can eat when I not ard. I am SICK n TIRED of all those things.
katherine_k
Member
Hi,
Actually my hubby dun want to stay wit his parents too as he said tat his parents are always quarrelling. His mom will bang things when she is not happy. He is sian of their behaviour too but he cant do until unless they sell away the pl.
Piggy,
Yes after selling the place, we will live on our own. I will send my boy to school n if I have 2nd bb, I will employ maid n bring to my mom pl or to infant care.
Carole,
They will rent a place or they may buy or watever but my hubby has make himself very clear tat we will buy our own HDB. My FIL thght of buying a landed property n my hubby told him '3 OF U dun need such big pl' I told my hubby too tat I WONT GIVE IN tis time if they say want to live together.
From my behaviour I think my ILS know tat I really dun want n not happy staying wit them. As last time I still talk to them n go out wit them but ever since I moved in, I become very quiet n I was really very moody. The 1st thing I open my eyes, I want to get out of there n the last thing I want to do is go back there.
Yesterday I was on leave n I went wondering on the streets whole day n I dun want to go back. I feel tat I dun know where to go n I wonder ard until 6.30pm as tat is my normal going back time. Some of u may feel tat I dun need to wonder or shopping the whole day, I can always go back n stay in my room. I tried b4 n my MIL said tat when I at home, my boy dun want to eat his dinner n want me to play wit him. And my FIL will add the fuel n my MIL will said 'u stay in room n dun come out' I think most kids will manja wit their mom n they want him to eat 2 bowl of porridge n if he has only 1 bowl, they will be angry. For a kid, I think 2 bowls are too much for their small tummy. I told them so many times but they said tat he can eat when I not ard. I am SICK n TIRED of all those things.
Actually my hubby dun want to stay wit his parents too as he said tat his parents are always quarrelling. His mom will bang things when she is not happy. He is sian of their behaviour too but he cant do until unless they sell away the pl.
Piggy,
Yes after selling the place, we will live on our own. I will send my boy to school n if I have 2nd bb, I will employ maid n bring to my mom pl or to infant care.
Carole,
They will rent a place or they may buy or watever but my hubby has make himself very clear tat we will buy our own HDB. My FIL thght of buying a landed property n my hubby told him '3 OF U dun need such big pl' I told my hubby too tat I WONT GIVE IN tis time if they say want to live together.
From my behaviour I think my ILS know tat I really dun want n not happy staying wit them. As last time I still talk to them n go out wit them but ever since I moved in, I become very quiet n I was really very moody. The 1st thing I open my eyes, I want to get out of there n the last thing I want to do is go back there.
Yesterday I was on leave n I went wondering on the streets whole day n I dun want to go back. I feel tat I dun know where to go n I wonder ard until 6.30pm as tat is my normal going back time. Some of u may feel tat I dun need to wonder or shopping the whole day, I can always go back n stay in my room. I tried b4 n my MIL said tat when I at home, my boy dun want to eat his dinner n want me to play wit him. And my FIL will add the fuel n my MIL will said 'u stay in room n dun come out' I think most kids will manja wit their mom n they want him to eat 2 bowl of porridge n if he has only 1 bowl, they will be angry. For a kid, I think 2 bowls are too much for their small tummy. I told them so many times but they said tat he can eat when I not ard. I am SICK n TIRED of all those things.
katherine_k
Member
sorry for the double post
maplebabies
New Member
Hello, came in here to kaypo abit.
Personally i wouldnt encourage living with ILs. If i have sons next time, i will also volunteer to stay on my own till such time i am not mobile and old and need help in daily essentials then i move in with them.
Cos living with ILs means bringing about 2 sets of habits, beliefs, values etc and ultimately, we as DILs lose cos we gotta to give in to ILs anyway. So unless we are very easy-going and can sacrifice our set of unless habits, beliefs, values, its better to stay apart. Since absence makes the heart fonder and living a distance allows more mutual respect and less conflicts.
If i were to see my ILs everyday and if i disagree with their ways, especially in bringing up my kids, i have to either give in to them and forgo what i want for my kids Or i confront them and ask them to do things my way. Either way, somebody will be unhappy. Then why not stay apart and just visit often? At least the conflicts are reduced to once or twice a week.
Personally i wouldnt encourage living with ILs. If i have sons next time, i will also volunteer to stay on my own till such time i am not mobile and old and need help in daily essentials then i move in with them.
Cos living with ILs means bringing about 2 sets of habits, beliefs, values etc and ultimately, we as DILs lose cos we gotta to give in to ILs anyway. So unless we are very easy-going and can sacrifice our set of unless habits, beliefs, values, its better to stay apart. Since absence makes the heart fonder and living a distance allows more mutual respect and less conflicts.
If i were to see my ILs everyday and if i disagree with their ways, especially in bringing up my kids, i have to either give in to them and forgo what i want for my kids Or i confront them and ask them to do things my way. Either way, somebody will be unhappy. Then why not stay apart and just visit often? At least the conflicts are reduced to once or twice a week.
maplebabies
New Member
Erm, not to mislead, my ILs are nice lah. Wont mind sitting with them over coffee sometimes. But social interactions like this once or twice a week is different from staying together.
We have very different hygiene standards to begin with so ... its a No for me to stay with them althou hubby is only son. Rather not move in and then everyday unhappy.
But i am mindful should one day, one of them pass on, the other will by default stay with us. By then, then i worry bah.
We have very different hygiene standards to begin with so ... its a No for me to stay with them althou hubby is only son. Rather not move in and then everyday unhappy.
But i am mindful should one day, one of them pass on, the other will by default stay with us. By then, then i worry bah.
canceriangurl
New Member
hi, i m a new registered member...my only advice....NEVER stay wif ue ILs, no matter hw desperate u nd their help
not all in laws are that bad to live with. I am sure that are many in laws are lovely ppl too.
sometimes to stay with in laws or nt, its nt up to DIL to choose. Some hbs would love to be filial and look after their folks, we as wives should also respect hubby's choice and decision too.
if any is living with in laws, practice patience and more patience.
sometimes to stay with in laws or nt, its nt up to DIL to choose. Some hbs would love to be filial and look after their folks, we as wives should also respect hubby's choice and decision too.
if any is living with in laws, practice patience and more patience.
destitonia
Member
i agree with carole.. patience and tolerance and compromise will make living together a better experience..
katherine_k
Member
I agree tat not all ILS are diffcult to live wit but so happen tat I live wit those type tat not many of us want to live wit. I told my hubby tat if 1 day I become other pple ILS, I try not to stay together unless I am really alone in tis world.
maplebabies
New Member
Carole, borrow your quote ah ... "Some hbs would love to be filial and look after their folks, we as wives should also respect hubby's choice and decision too."
My question is what if "some of us wives would love to be filial and look after our folks too (especially if we do not have brothers to take our folks in) and so wants to fetch our folks over to stay with us too ... should and will husbands also respect our choice and decision too?
I can tell you, its a NO! No hubbies will understand if we wives need to fetch our parents over. Its us wives who have to understand and accept their wishes. So much for men-women equality rite?
And even if hubby ok to take wife's parents in, i tell you, his parents wont feel happy. Cos they will always want to reserve the right to stay with that son even if they already have other sons to stay with. Selfish rite? Thats what i hate about some ILs and i hope mine will not become like that.
Thats why i maintain we stay on our own. Neither set of parents shall stay with us until one of them pass on. This way its fair to whichever set of parents whose other half left and is thus alone and who need not worry about not being looked after.
My question is what if "some of us wives would love to be filial and look after our folks too (especially if we do not have brothers to take our folks in) and so wants to fetch our folks over to stay with us too ... should and will husbands also respect our choice and decision too?
I can tell you, its a NO! No hubbies will understand if we wives need to fetch our parents over. Its us wives who have to understand and accept their wishes. So much for men-women equality rite?
And even if hubby ok to take wife's parents in, i tell you, his parents wont feel happy. Cos they will always want to reserve the right to stay with that son even if they already have other sons to stay with. Selfish rite? Thats what i hate about some ILs and i hope mine will not become like that.
Thats why i maintain we stay on our own. Neither set of parents shall stay with us until one of them pass on. This way its fair to whichever set of parents whose other half left and is thus alone and who need not worry about not being looked after.
maplebabies
New Member
To be honest, i was married before i am married to my hubby now. My ex MIL was one of those hell MILs. You know ... she didnt even like me to go home visit my parents often after marriage. She said "why do you always go back niang jia?" On CNY eve, after having dinner with her, i want to bring hubby back my house have 2nd reunion dinner, this time with my parents, she also not happy. When my hubby strayed, she told me "Sometimes men stray becos they couldnt get what they want at home." Duhhh??? Why dont she say her son no jia jiao?! This is the kinda MIL a gal better wish she never get to know.
maplebabies
New Member
Sorry ah, talking about MILs, i tend to share some personal experiences. Cos they were traumatising for me to be able to remember for life! I hope i wont have daughters with such ill fate.
But my current set of ILs are nicer. Still, i think its becos we are not fully staying together yet. If we stayed together, and when kids come along, it will be an entirely different story.
The very basic is hygiene differences. I would like my house spick and span. Clean and safe. But my IL house hor ... newspapers all over toilet floor, leftover from dinner choke the basin, rotten fruits stay on tables till forgotten and damp sweaty soiled clothes pile in bathroom till they stink and attract flies ... aiyo, enough said rite?
But they are nice lah. And i guess thats the saving grace. At least they are nice so i dont mind staying over their place once in a while or visit them often and put up with all that, since its just once or twice a week. But its different if we were to stay together, i think i wont last a day in my own house.
But my current set of ILs are nicer. Still, i think its becos we are not fully staying together yet. If we stayed together, and when kids come along, it will be an entirely different story.
The very basic is hygiene differences. I would like my house spick and span. Clean and safe. But my IL house hor ... newspapers all over toilet floor, leftover from dinner choke the basin, rotten fruits stay on tables till forgotten and damp sweaty soiled clothes pile in bathroom till they stink and attract flies ... aiyo, enough said rite?
But they are nice lah. And i guess thats the saving grace. At least they are nice so i dont mind staying over their place once in a while or visit them often and put up with all that, since its just once or twice a week. But its different if we were to stay together, i think i wont last a day in my own house.
looks like Maple u and me same fate.. My ex MIL is a horrible one... poor girl, bet u suffer a lot. dun think abt the past. In Life, there are times when one gain some and loses some too. We should treasure when we have now and forget all those unhappy things. I know how bad can a MIL be.. esp when u speaks abt Ex MIL!! just hate her to the core too.. well, but now i see her, i would juse smile n walks away. Do not wish to be associate with them any more.
basic hygiene in homes are should be of an acceptable level. my ILs plc isnt that clean and safe too, just that one has to compromise into striking a balance to make the plc better.
Frankly, i am one of those odd kinds which i always feel that if ever my hb wants to stay with in laws, i will be object but will compromise and give in. helping to look after folks too. My mum stayed with me over the weekends at my current home, but she is really a difficult person to live with. just like many hates to stay with a difficult MIL, i would say my mum is really difficult. So i also know why many DILs wont wanna stay with MIL too.
If one chooses nt to stay with ILs, its a good choice and a good option with lots of privacy. But if one chooses to stay with ILS and having ILS at home, practice patience and compromise and tolerance. The folks are gng to live that long to see how our DILS/SIL gng to treat us. What we can do now is to respect them as who they are.
basic hygiene in homes are should be of an acceptable level. my ILs plc isnt that clean and safe too, just that one has to compromise into striking a balance to make the plc better.
Frankly, i am one of those odd kinds which i always feel that if ever my hb wants to stay with in laws, i will be object but will compromise and give in. helping to look after folks too. My mum stayed with me over the weekends at my current home, but she is really a difficult person to live with. just like many hates to stay with a difficult MIL, i would say my mum is really difficult. So i also know why many DILs wont wanna stay with MIL too.
If one chooses nt to stay with ILs, its a good choice and a good option with lots of privacy. But if one chooses to stay with ILS and having ILS at home, practice patience and compromise and tolerance. The folks are gng to live that long to see how our DILS/SIL gng to treat us. What we can do now is to respect them as who they are.
mrs_fre3dom
New Member
Read alot of cases where in-laws are hard to handle. Kind of worried before i got married. Got to adapt to their living lifestyle which is different from my own parents.
Well, Luckily things went well since 1 yr ago i moved in. My MIL was more open minded then FIL. She given me n hubby alot of privacy even offer to help to look after our baby if we go on holiday and also Dating.
Most important keys to live together is to be "AUTOMATIC". Tolerate... Respect... Dun take them for granted.
Well, Luckily things went well since 1 yr ago i moved in. My MIL was more open minded then FIL. She given me n hubby alot of privacy even offer to help to look after our baby if we go on holiday and also Dating.
Most important keys to live together is to be "AUTOMATIC". Tolerate... Respect... Dun take them for granted.
hi im in this thread first time. im be moving to my MIL place soon after me and hbby married 2 yrs and staying outside. due to becos we just sold of our property at good price and decide to stay at my MIL place. they stay in condo and total have 3 rooms nad they even move out their masterbed room . cos i told my hubby that i must have my personal toilet esp i think its so inconvience when i menstruates and usually i come out just wrapping a towel instead of fully clothe
and morever my MIL will have sunday majong session where guests will come and i cant imagine using the my toilet if im gg to have the common toilet.
but im quite worried cos esp when it come to washing cloth. im quite fussy and most of my clothes i will hand wash and even my hubby dont touch them at home. and how abt those undies where u gals hang them out. cos i feel so paiseh displaying my bras and panties in the drying area where my MIL and FIL will see leh..and i also not use to if MIL wash my clothes wif those panties everything and when they collect and fold my clothes..
any advice??
i tot of asking my hubby to buy a dryer. i normally wash my load of clothes once a week(that is only for my clothes) and then maybe i just put to dryer so tat i dont need to dry in that case my PIL(parent in law) wont see my all my undies and bras..
any advice from those who stay wif the PIL? and lastly i also find quite weird. at home i normally dont wear bra walking at home.. now staying wif PIL then maybe hae to remind myself that i have to wear a bra at home..
anybody got similr experience
and morever my MIL will have sunday majong session where guests will come and i cant imagine using the my toilet if im gg to have the common toilet.
but im quite worried cos esp when it come to washing cloth. im quite fussy and most of my clothes i will hand wash and even my hubby dont touch them at home. and how abt those undies where u gals hang them out. cos i feel so paiseh displaying my bras and panties in the drying area where my MIL and FIL will see leh..and i also not use to if MIL wash my clothes wif those panties everything and when they collect and fold my clothes..
any advice??
i tot of asking my hubby to buy a dryer. i normally wash my load of clothes once a week(that is only for my clothes) and then maybe i just put to dryer so tat i dont need to dry in that case my PIL(parent in law) wont see my all my undies and bras..
any advice from those who stay wif the PIL? and lastly i also find quite weird. at home i normally dont wear bra walking at home.. now staying wif PIL then maybe hae to remind myself that i have to wear a bra at home..
anybody got similr experience
babyink
Member
Hi wishtobemum, I have gone thru the same inconvenience as you as I'm also used to removing my bra when I am at home especially at nite before I sleep so I go to the kitchen to get water etc I won't bother to wear my bra. But eversince I got married and my PILs comes around often (they are not staying with us), I make it a point to wear my bra. I guess it's part and parcel of married life, you have less privacy to yourself. As for dryer, I definitely recommend you to get one, it cuts down the amount of time I take to dry clothes. Frankly speaking, after a while, I don't feel paiseh that my FIL see my undies anymore, otherwise, you have a lot of inconvenience at home to 'hide' your undies everytime he is around, right? Moreover, if he has a daughter, then he should be already used to seeing undies at home. I think it depends on your FIL also, my FIL is quite open-minded and not conservative type, so he does not mind at all. But I know some FILs may mind seeing woman undies around. If yours is open-minded, should not be a problem.
maplebabies
New Member
Hehe, this is interesting but very real. I used to live with a monster MIL and now, not going to with my current MIL (i must clarify i dont dislike her ah ... she is nice lah).
Well, when i was staying with my ex MIL last time, i too, could not have my own toilet. When bathe, must bring towel and clothes and pads all in since cannot simply come out in a towel. So troublesome. And when she call her mahjong kakis or friends over, i also dont like to use the toilet cos they will stare at me as i walk in and out of toilet. Dunno stare at what? So rude. Maybe ex MIL always speak ill of me so when they see me, its like 'oh, so this is the one ah?' *in a bad sense*. I also cannot go bra-less which i am already so used to. End up i stay in my room most of the time. And for my lingerie, i cant wear sexy ones, you know when you want to BD during ovulation to make babies, then you cant wear sexy ones, so frustrating rite? Cant wear cos wash already hang where? My normal lingerie, i hang at the 'tek go' in the kitchen and the bars are just above the dining table so sometimes my bras and undies will be above whoever sit at that corner of table. Ex MIL will say to me, cannot hang above men's head, will be 'suay' one. So pang tang rite?! Drive me nuts!
I have no advise except, if possible dont stay together or delay stay together as much as possible. And the dryer is a good idea!
With my current ILs, while staying over sometimes, they will still come in our room after we left for work to make up the bed. Although its nice of them, i still feel abit invaded but i dont kick up a fuss cos already so much better than my ex MIL. Sometimes hubby and me will joke: Oh, *maid* did her duty. If she didnt, we will say: Oh, *maid* not free, gotta go buy TOTO, hahahaha ...
Feel abit invaded cos sometimes, we may leave things lying around accidentally then not so nice if they found it mah. Like my BBT thermometer (my ILs must be wondering if i am having fever all the time?) or my OPK (scarli they thot i pregnant??!) and sometimes my undies (i dont care, i am wearing the sexy ones liao so if they see and if they paiseh then so be it). With my current ILs, when i wash lingerie at their place, i hang in my own room. Cos their kitchen very dirty leh. Then my MIL will come in the room and see those lace and ribbons. I dont care anymore. IF she sees, she should feel paiseh bah, especially if she has to touch them. Then maybe she wont come in anymore, hehehe ... so remain like that lor, no need to tell her off and strain relations. Anyway i think she should understand lah, we trying to make babies now mah so sexy lingerie is just part of the toolkit.
Well, when i was staying with my ex MIL last time, i too, could not have my own toilet. When bathe, must bring towel and clothes and pads all in since cannot simply come out in a towel. So troublesome. And when she call her mahjong kakis or friends over, i also dont like to use the toilet cos they will stare at me as i walk in and out of toilet. Dunno stare at what? So rude. Maybe ex MIL always speak ill of me so when they see me, its like 'oh, so this is the one ah?' *in a bad sense*. I also cannot go bra-less which i am already so used to. End up i stay in my room most of the time. And for my lingerie, i cant wear sexy ones, you know when you want to BD during ovulation to make babies, then you cant wear sexy ones, so frustrating rite? Cant wear cos wash already hang where? My normal lingerie, i hang at the 'tek go' in the kitchen and the bars are just above the dining table so sometimes my bras and undies will be above whoever sit at that corner of table. Ex MIL will say to me, cannot hang above men's head, will be 'suay' one. So pang tang rite?! Drive me nuts!
I have no advise except, if possible dont stay together or delay stay together as much as possible. And the dryer is a good idea!
With my current ILs, while staying over sometimes, they will still come in our room after we left for work to make up the bed. Although its nice of them, i still feel abit invaded but i dont kick up a fuss cos already so much better than my ex MIL. Sometimes hubby and me will joke: Oh, *maid* did her duty. If she didnt, we will say: Oh, *maid* not free, gotta go buy TOTO, hahahaha ...
katherine_k
Member
Hi,
Me too. I used to remove bra b4 I sleep but now I change tis habit. No nice sexy lingerie for me too all of them are nicely kept in my cupboard. Sometime my MIL will say one 'wow ur bras so sexy yah' She ever comment my demin skirt is too short n asked if I wear any 'protection' or not?
Me too. I used to remove bra b4 I sleep but now I change tis habit. No nice sexy lingerie for me too all of them are nicely kept in my cupboard. Sometime my MIL will say one 'wow ur bras so sexy yah' She ever comment my demin skirt is too short n asked if I wear any 'protection' or not?
Seems that more ppl have bad experiences than good experiences...For me, i guess i am luckier...My MIL is good. She helps us to look after my gal when we are not free & helps us cook & wash clothing. She does all the marketing! I really cant expect much! She also gave us their masterroom so that we can use the toilet.
Now, i can finally take a short nap over weekend when I am tired. My hubby only mopped the floor over weekend. I finally have time to iron our clothings.i can go out pa toh with Hubby for light supper...
These are the things we never get to do for 2 years. I really treasure it although there are less privacy staying with them. Now I can at least have a second kid if we really want to...
Now, i can finally take a short nap over weekend when I am tired. My hubby only mopped the floor over weekend. I finally have time to iron our clothings.i can go out pa toh with Hubby for light supper...
These are the things we never get to do for 2 years. I really treasure it although there are less privacy staying with them. Now I can at least have a second kid if we really want to...
babyink
Member
Hi Piggy, I'm like you, one of those who are fortunate to have good PILs. My PILs especially my MIL really take care of us, eversince she knew about my pregnancy, she started to prepare more nutritious meals and desserts just for me. She even volunteer to pay for my confinement expenses! I am quite touched and count myself blessed as I know out there are some PILs who are quite calculative with their DIL. But having said, I still have many doubts about staying with my PILs after I deliver my bb because of the loss of privacy. I'm used to staying by myself because I was staying in my own apartment before I was married. Plus I'm particular about tidiness and can't stand plastic bags, barang barang lying around in my house. But with old folks, you can't expect them to meet your standards in that way. So although they are nice, and they will be more than happy to stay with us & help us look after bb, cook, even housework, I think I still rather cook myself and pay weekend maid for now and just have them come over and visit us rather than staying under one roof. Any one of you feels like this?