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Maid --- to keep or not to keep?

Discussion in 'Motherhood, Pregnancies And Babies' started by llya, Mar 31, 2009.

  1. llya

    llya Member

    I'm FTWM. I have a 4 yr old girl and recently a 4mth old boy. Just employed Phil maid (here only abt 4mths) to help take care children/hsehold.

    I dun trust my maid cos caught her using my confinment nanny's hp during the 1st mth. After several chances we gave her to admit herself, she still refused to admit! Bring her to agent for a scolding and warning....Since then we are extra careful with her. Sometimes she will tell lies (like baby didn't cry but she tell me baby cry just now) but we just ignore her nonsense..... She also can't get along well with my girl....my girl told me maid scold her stupid, also maid stared firecely at her, when my girl misbehave and shouted at her....Sometimes its my girl naughty but the maid also cannot scold her right?

    These few days my maid has been acting strangely....black face everytime.....she told my mum she angry with my MIL for nagging at her etc....she told my mum, employer didn't make noise why MIL like to make noise"!! Is this type of attitude acceptable?? When she angry, she will carry my boy very hard!

    I found a 1/4 bal Sprite in her wardrobe....I asked her where she got it from, she says from baby sitter....a check with baby sitter, she says her hse got no soft drinks at all, neither do my hse have....so was thinking where she get the can from or where she got $$ to buy??? Stole from us? But we got no proof! This Sprite is not the first time, last week I found empty 7up!!

    She kept telling lies since last monday 23rd March....wat to do?

    But sometimes she can be really good, like play with my girl when both in good mood, if both bad mood, both will quarrel and black face.

    We treated her very nice, every weekends go restaurant, buy X'mas / birthday presents for her childre to send back Phil. We pay for everything!

    Cos she is 4 mths here with me....she has manged the hsehold quite well, eg washing, cleaning etc.....New maid I will have to retrain again....and I already started work....can't take leave....Confused.....What to do? To keep or not to keep?

  2. blim

    blim New Member

    let go.
    reason: "When she angry, she will carry my boy very hard!"
  3. queenaire

    queenaire Member

    keep. all maids the same.
  4. llya

    llya Member

    Should I give her a 3rd chance....but was thinking a leopard cannot change its spot! Afraid after she got cleared her loan, she will be worst!!

    Blim, I also very worried abt this....."When she angry, she will carry my boy very hard!"
  5. skyloppy

    skyloppy New Member

    let go bah.....
    My first maid even worst than yr maid. Lucky I let her go and now i get a better maid.
  6. cpyeo

    cpyeo New Member

    You've a young baby & a young child at stake.. if she can tell lies on these small matters, you can never imagine what else she's capable of doing.. better play safe than be sorri..
  7. llya

    llya Member

    Thks All for the feedback...will know what to do with her.....
  8. hop

    hop Member

    Let her go too... she may hurt your kids one day
  9. cutejojo

    cutejojo Member

    send her back n blacklist her so no next victim
  10. my_baby_boy

    my_baby_boy New Member

    My first maid even worse, caught her hurt my son. Luckily now i got a very ery very gud maid. She can do all things the whole hs. No matter hw busy she is, she will put her things on hold n help mi tk care my son.

    So change her. Dun think too much. Not all maid is like her. My prev maid cant do anything not even housework. I endured her for few months n i let go.

    Dun put ur children at risk.
  11. gracian

    gracian New Member


    i agree with all the mommies... change!!! you might get a better one... ... she no heart to work for you, so why bother to put up with her.

    no time to train... get your mum or MIL to train her the basic childcare first and you can slowly train during weekends.

    dun give these ppl a chance to walk all over you.
  12. llya

    llya Member

    Just when I decided to let go, she became back to her good self leh....very "auto" in doing things.....

    She is hard working, I can say.....she also did alot of hsehold things when baby sleeping.....its just her lies and maybe stealing (I still dunno if she steal, cos yet to check bag, I only assuming based on the soft drinks she have)......and abit cunning type.....

    Whenever she meet my SIL's maid, they will chat chat chat in their Tagalog language and sometimes (not always lah, so far abt 2-3 times) can show that she is agitated in their conversation......maybe complaining abt us to the other maid etc......
  13. westbb

    westbb Member

    for me it's very simple - as long as the maid is not treating my kids well, CHANGE. So what she is v good with housework? Your maid's treatment to your kids depends on her mood, don't you find that "scary"? What if she takes revenge on your kids if one day she not happy? I can't even think about it. To me my kids are more impt, a messier house is not a concern compared to my kids lor.
  14. cutejojo

    cutejojo Member

    my priority is to take good care of my child
    others task come later
    if cant even handle my child well, cunning, act differently in front of me n my child then i will not hesitate to CHANGE!
  15. closetdoor

    closetdoor Active Member

    You are having emotional stress. You are paying like $600 for help but instead you get this type of stress?

    The answer is so clear...
  16. llya

    llya Member


    Just got a call from my SIL, she says her maid tell us that my maid has a boyfren in Phil, so far she bluff me send $$ to her children and always call back to her uncle is bluff also...Its actually her boyfren! Dunno she got aids or not.....She says she likt to meet many boy to anger her ex husband....even dun want her children anymore....so why I buy her so many presents for her children!!!??

    She even told my SIL's maid issues in my hse, eg, I quarrel with my mum on monday, I scold her these few days, last time i not like that.....etc.
  17. yanyi

    yanyi New Member

    hi amanda,

    just change it .. support you all the time!!
  18. kikeeko

    kikeeko Member

    Hi there
    Change her. Better to have a peace of mind, especially its your family you are talking about
  19. chuameifeng

    chuameifeng New Member

    yes i definitely agree that you should change her!! But i think having a maid is quite crucial, a very useful helping hand especially fr busy mummies like us!
  20. mummyto2

    mummyto2 Member

    There is a thread of a maid abusing a 3 yr old gal in the WTE section. Makes a lot of us mummies worried about unhappy maids. If you have doubts about your maid, better to change her.
  21. yokonoriko

    yokonoriko New Member

    No point keeping. Cos u never know what will happen next. For me I allow my maid to have Hp but i make clear with her that I will chk her hp and she is only allow to make phone calls back. But sometimes i know she call her friend. But I just keep one eye close. I felt that is better to give to them rather they do things behind ur back. I told her that is a priviledge not a compulsory. I can overrule to take away her hp. Anyway they are human afterall. Just have to be strict but not unreasonable.

    My maid is very good with my boy. But housework like shit. Now i am expecting another so decide to take another maid.

    Sometimes once u dont feel at ease, u better change the maid. No point keeping her. (I used to own an agency) So just a pc of advice. Should u hv any prob regards to maids and need advice. U can always let me know. Hope i can advice.
  22. llya

    llya Member

    Thks for all the good advise [​IMG]
  23. ribenagr8s

    ribenagr8s Member

    change. Dont be feel trapped by a maid.
  24. llya

    llya Member

    I talked to her last evening, asking her what's her problem, why she tell lies, why she tell my SIL maid issues in our hse etc etc...Where she got $$ to buy soft drinks etc.....then husband suggested do a thorough search.....

    Guess what, we found S$140 sealed in an envelope ready to send to PHIL!! When confront her she break down and cry and says her cousin passed to her. How? She stole a 10cts coin from our hse, make a publicphone call (when given the chance to go fetch my girl from childcare) to her cousin working here. Her cousin will meet her to pass cash of $170 to her the next day, when she supposed to fetch my girl again. She needed to send the money cos her son in hospital etc. I dun beleive her nonsense! We still think that the money is my husband's! Not from her cousin....She cried till now and today wake up refused to do any house work! She had packed her kuggage ready to go back to agent.....We will be sending her back to agent later this morning.
  25. llya

    llya Member

    The balance $30 she use it to buy soft drinks and food on the way to fetch my girl....
  26. bess

    bess Member

    dun believe her shit.. if her son really in hospital, y she dun sent all the money back, still keep tat $30 for herself for soft drinks and food?

    and if her son really in hospital, as a mother, she still keep some money for herself for luxury item.. then this woman is not a good mother.. and if she dun care so much to her own son, u think she will care for your kids...? to me ah.. not a good mother... her character also quite private limited...
  27. llya

    llya Member

    Sent her back already...Abit heartpain, cos been w her for 4.5 mths........sometimes we still joke joke here and there......

    Now I very jia lat, no one to take care of my baby....so I have to take almost 2 weeks urgent leave for the new replacement.....Didn't find any suitable transfer maid! Now my girl child care just sms me saying her school got HMFD, but no closure of school....just have to be careful that she dun fall sick......
  28. valsboys

    valsboys Member

    You did the right thing!! The maid's character is questionable, so no matter how good she may be with kids n housework, do not expose your kids to such negative influence as they are very impressionable at this age.
  29. llya

    llya Member

    But now I'm at wits end....I can't possibly take 2 weeks urgent leave straight...boss not happy....so now arranging fo help for next week....
  30. the former helper is quite a handful.. let's hope that your next helper will be a good one.. sigh..
  31. sweet910

    sweet910 New Member

    Hi, Amanda,
    why don you look for a babysitter i/o hire maid?
  32. llya

    llya Member

    I need one maid to help me in the evenings ans weekends as my husband is totally OUT OF HELP!! He work UNPAID OT everyday, even sats till abt 6pm and sunday is his resting day! I'll die w/o a maid. My mum working full time and dun always come here.....she got her own activity and MIL doesn't want to lay a finger!!
  33. picking a gd maid is like winning lottery.. sigh..
  34. sweet910

    sweet910 New Member

    oic.. then, how about a part-time cleaner to come weekends to help u out on housework?
    i am pregnant for 2nd bb & thinking of to look a part-time cleaner & babysitter to look after my 2nd bb... while my eldest (coming to 3yrs old) is now in childcare
  35. llya

    llya Member

    Its not the hse work but the taking care of kids! Daily keeping of toys, teaching of the eldest and baby crying! Very siong for ma after work to be handling alone....Like this week, maid go home, I wanna cry! Backache and everyday throw temper, caning my girl!
  36. carla_lily

    carla_lily Active Member


    I fully understand how you felt... Totally lost when I sent my maid of 1 year back to Indonesia. She is a good help... love my boy and can manage the household well. However, she loves to tell lies too.... and I think she stole from me as well... Found $60 on her and she told me another maid gave her the money for her safe keeping... Then found a hp on her and she told me it's her cousin's hp... But i thought the hp looks familiar... seems like my hubby's old hp.

    Lots of thing i closed one eyes and the final straw is when i caught her collecting her own urine. She insisted that it is not urine but strepsils dissolved in water.... So i threatened to send it for DNA testing then she confessed. Sent her back the same day.

    Took urgent leave and was lost for the next 3 days. I dunno my boy's sleeping habits as she was the one who cared for him since one month old. My hubby need to work 7 days a week and OT on every weekdays.

    I threw temper at ppl who show me concern and now regretting it.

    Amanda, this will be a very difficult time for you but you will be able to go thru it. See if your parents can help you during weekends....

    As your girl is already 4 yr old... she will be able to help you in some tasks. Treat her like a yound adult. I always asked my girl to take care of my 1 yr old boy who is learning how to walk...

    Don't panic and don't feel guilty if you need some time alone... if you need help, pls let your hubby, parents or in-law know. Don't try to manage everything alone. if not, you might vent your angry at your children.

    A new maid will take 3 weeks to arrive and a mth of training...

    I got my new maid 2 weeks ago... she cannot managed my kids... need to change a new maid again....
  37. carla_lily

    carla_lily Active Member

    I took 2 weeks leave to train this maid... now waiting for the new maid but i have no more leave to take... *sigh*....
  38. valsboys

    valsboys Member

    Aiyoh...Amanda...poor girl, leh!! But I totally understand..sometimes need some time to ourselves, away from the kids, if not can go bonkers. You realy need to get some urgent help.

    Wah!! carla_lily, another maid new maid to train and no leave, not easy...start everything from scratch again.

    My current maid will also be going home in a couple of weeks. Will really miss her as she takes care of my boys well, good with housework n cooking, takes good care of me too....Too bad she can't continue to work [​IMG]

    Now she is training the new maid. The feedback is that she is very slow t work n to understand, cant speak english well although she is ex-singapore. This one dun take initiative and also not as honest (broke my boy's tumbler n just hide it instead of telling me!!). My kids also dun like her as much. Thinking of changing, but she poor thing have to pay agent 2 mos for transfer again.
  39. carla_lily

    carla_lily Active Member

    I'm still thinking if i should give my current maid another chance... I got my agent to sound her out on how she feel working for me. I think she told the agent that it's tough waking up for night feed. So agent found me a new maid lor...

    My current maid is actually quite okay. She can do housework and take care of my girl (4 yr old). She is an ex-sin as well... but too bad, she cannot take care of toddlers. She is more suited for young kids, 3 yr old and above... Her previous employer has a pair of 3 yr old boys.

    You might want to think of changing a maid fast since your current maid is still around to train.

    I feel guilty to return my current maid to agency as she is not really that bad. So, I spoke to my agent and asked if my maid has to pay penalty if i return her to agency. My agent said the penalty is on case-by-case basis. Since my maid did nothing wrong and this is purely a mismatch, they will not ask her to pay more than her loan.
  40. llya

    llya Member

    Hi Carla,

    Think your scenario abt the same as mine.....I'm ok with maid only recently found her telling too much lies....but she's very good as hse work....now I felt lost w/o her around. Think she has found a new emoployer liao, so not that bad.....
  41. janlee

    janlee Member

    Maid issue... me also getting very frustrated with my phil maid.

    My mum suspected my maid actually beat my 17th mth old son when she is not around. But there is not evidence and we can't be pointing finger at her. Actually we tot of sending my son to childcare and my mum can fetch him anytime she likes... We have been observing her and found her heart don't know fly where. She can be staring out of the window in daze.

    I am someone who hate to scold maid and I actually only scolded her twice since she is with me for 8 mths. I am not thinking of sending her away. But scare she will not be able to get any good employer. Sigh... I just want a maid who loves my son and hseworks...I can close my eyes.

    My first 2 phil maid gave me so many problems...

    The 1st one was very very rude to my mum, the second one came and keeps crying and crying... said she missed her family, very little things can cause her tears to flow down like water tap. Buay tahan.
  42. singapore_woman

    singapore_woman New Member

    Hi there, recently I met up with this Philipino girl. She looks after 3 young kids for her expat madam. The family are leaving town in 2 weeks time & this girl is desperately looking for new employer. She seems nice & gentle. Whoever interested can contact her directly - her is Beth 94689275. Interview her yourself to see if she suits you.

    My family already has one, thus am only lending her a helping hand =) cheers
  43. madamt

    madamt New Member


    I have a maid who work for me for 4 days. On the 3rd day, when i wanted to go out to buy grocery, my daughter who is 3 years old pulled my maid to go out with me cos my daughter wanted to play at the playground. So while they were at the playground, i went to buy groceries at nearby shop. When i was back to check on them, they were at the playground. My daughter still wanted to play, so i went back home to offload the groceries. When i went back to the playground and check on them, they were not there and it started raining. I was panic. I went back home again to check, still they were out of sight. I quickly went back to the playground, this time, went to the nearby block to search for them. I found them at the next block walking towards the playground. My maid told me my daughter wanted to play there.

    I told this to my mum and my hubby, both of them said my daughter would never go any other places except the playground or home.

    Now i am worried. Can I trust this maid? Should I keep her? She is good at the housework and willing to learn how to cook from us. But this incident makes us worried that what happen next time if she was to bring my daughter to somewhere else?
  44. llya

    llya Member

    Hi Jinjin,

    I think u are to blame. How can you, as a mother, leave your child ALONE to a "stranger" u just know for 4 days??? Not once, but twice! This should be the probation period that we should keep sight of the maid and not leave your girl with her! Unless she has worked for u for a few months!

    My husband or in laws will scream the hell out of me if I'm to leave my child with the NEW maid even for a few minutes! Have u ever thought wat will happen, if really cannot find them?
  45. llya

    llya Member

    Oh ya.....just to update.....cos I started this thread

    I let go of the old maid and found another, so many times better then the old! Its been one year she working with me and both my kids liked her!
  46. shannii

    shannii New Member

    Hi mummies

    any good maid agency to refer?
    I would like to check out what is the typical rates that the agency will charge for a new and transfer maid?

    Still considering whether to get a new or a transfer experieced maid?

    Thanks for all your advices.
  47. alicia80

    alicia80 Member

    If your maid misbehaves …


    We thank Ruth Wong for her feedback and suggestions (TODAY, 22 November 2010).

    2. If a foreign domestic worker (FDW) has behaved irresponsibly, employers can write to the Ministry of Manpower (MOM) at mom_wpd@mom.gov.sg. MOM will take appropriate action based on the facts and circumstances of the case. Any FDW convicted of offences under the Employment of Foreign Manpower Act or criminal offences will be barred permanently from working in Singapore. This prevents the transfer of FDWs with bad track records within the industry.

    3. MOM also requires all employment agencies (EA) to provide prospective employers the employment history of FDWs. FDW employers may also obtain such information from the Work Permit Online system that is accessible via MOM’s website.

    4. Employers who are dissatisfied with the service standards of their EAs may approach the respective accreditation body (CaseTrust or Association of Employment. Agencies (Singapore)) to lodge a complaint. To guide prospective FDW employers to an appropriate EA that suits their needs, there is a directory of EAs on MOM’s website (www.mom.gov.sg) with information on the number of demerit points issued to each EA, and a list of EAs which are under surveillance or have had their licences revoked. MOM will be enhancing the directory to provide more information and search functions.

    5. The writer had suggested that EAs be responsible for verifying the information provided in the FDW’s bio-data. The accreditation bodies have proposed to develop a standard bio-data template for the industry to help distinguish more responsible EAs by requiring agencies to indicate if and how they had attempted to verify the information provided. MOM is supportive of this initiative and is working with them to develop the template.

    6. Amendments to the Employment Agencies Act are currently before Parliament and the proposed new framework, together with a standard bio-data template, aim to raise the standard of recruitment practices and to minimise malpractices in the industry.

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