Advice & Support for Struggling Parent

[LostMum]

I am in my mid-40s, been working in the same company for many years and consider having a stable job. Had a P3 daughter. Due to job expansion before covid, i was assigned to a scope which I totally no experience. However, with positive mindset & encouragement from my superior, i took up the challenge. It was a struggle for the past 2-3yrs, as my portfolio was very wide, i spent a lot of time (even on wkends) to learn the rope, sacrificing a lot of family time and somewhat did not pay much attention on my child’s studies and family.
I actually come to my senses when my girl show me her class test result which was a worrying concern. She failed terribly and that actually is my wake up call. Over the 2-3yrs, i had lotsa arguement with my hub, who should teach my girl etc as We are both busy with our work. Some may say sub out, but how about daily homework. Math is not as easy as my time. I have been struggling over the thoughts of resignation. Firstly, i am tired of this new expanded job scope, it is totally not my field. Also, i spent so much time n effort, end up my career is neither here nor there. My major concern is still my girl, i felt i can spend more time with her. To coach her, maybe not academic buy character building which has been neglected. I am afraid if by teens its too late. Have any mums here able to share your experience of sacrifing your career for your child? I do not want to put a stop to my career, i meant to be just a career break, afterall i have been working nonstop for 25yrs since graduated. Will I be able to rejoin the workforce after my girl went to Sec sch? Thats like 2-3yra later.

 

[ZenZen2]

parents always wish to spend more time with their children but it really depends on each individual situation. factors to consider include:
1. is the family income sufficient without your income? don't assume its short term, assume its long term, i.e if u cannot go back to work or can't find a job with the same income
2. are u suitable and prepared to be stay home mum?
3. depending on yr income, yr income may be more than sufficient to get tuition or other methods to help yr girl's homework etc
4. are u able to find job with same income when u r near 50? depends on yr experience, specialisation, income etc etc

 

[Tinker9]

Hi I concur with the considerations Zen shared, you may wish to take a week's leave to slowly consider the options? Either that or you can intentionally try to take a bit of leave each week and during that time make time to guide your daughter. Good luck!

 

[meganmegan81]

Career can wait but your daughter is growing up fast. Talk to your boss to come up with a solution.

I personally feel you should not neglect your daughter. If it means career sacrifice and no other ways liow then so be it. Your kid is someone who will either hate or love you forever. Your boss is just someone who will forget you once you are out of sight out of mind.

 

[mum2nra]

Hi LostMum,

I understand where you are coming from. I have 3 children of my own- they are now 10, 12 and 14 yrs. I had a similar situation as you as well. I recently left my job last year to focus more on the family. Is it really sacrificing your job for your daughter or are you sacrificing your daughter/family for your career? I think it is also important from what perspective are you looking at this. Also important to consider what supports you have in place, what is important for you, what are your considerations here. Are your thoughts about leaving the job triggered by your daughter's results or you have already thoughts of leaving since it is very stressful due to the expanded job scope? Since leaving my job last year, I have also taken on a life coaching course and am planning to go into coaching of mums, be it those with newborn or mums who are struggling to juggle work and family or are torn in having to choose between 1 of the other. There are many mums out there who are facing various issues but may not know who to turn to. Ultimately, we all have unique situations and different seasons in our lives that we focus on what matters most at that point in time. If you wish to speak to someone to bounce off ideas or act as a sounding board, I will be happy to listen to you.

 

[MilkyChoco]

I am a young single mum with a 4 year old daughter.....Can understand how you feel.

I will think that spending the growing up years with your child is more important because you are basically bonding with them throughout their growing up years and I kinda missed my parents when I was growing up because they were working all the time and seldom spent time with us.

As a result,my older sister and I were not close to them and our relationship within the family got somehow stunted.My older sister and I left for SG to study at an early age and we lived apart from our parents for years.

 

[sys]

Hi I am facing same issue with you now.. I can understand what you are facing.. I have 3 kids and I am worried about their study too but I have my career too.totally have no time for them, so me and my husband decided to place them in student care and asking the tr to monitor their homework and they also have tuition over the weekend.. I am still monitoring the situation see if its work while I am working..
If situation still no improvement then I will consider resigning from my job..

 

[MilkyChoco]

Hi I am facing same issue with you now.. I can understand what you are facing.. I have 3 kids and I am worried about their study too but I have my career too.totally have no time for them, so me and my husband decided to place them in student care and asking the tr to monitor their homework and they also have tuition over the weekend.. I am still monitoring the situation see if its work while I am working..
If situation still no improvement then I will consider resigning from my job..

While I understand the importance of having dual income esp with the rising living costs here in SG,I also think we need to consider carefully over how to gel with our kids daily in the midst of our busy schedule and not make them feel neglected in term of their needs be it emotionally and physically.

 

[sys]

While I understand the importance of having dual income esp with the rising living costs here in SG,I also think we need to consider carefully over how to gel with our kids daily in the midst of our busy schedule and not make them feel neglected in term of their needs be it emotionally and physically.

Yes agreed.