!!!!**************!!!A Support Group for postnatal depression

C

charlottesweb

New Member
Dear mommies,

I find that it is very difficult to find much informal support groups and resources locally for postnatal depression and would like to start a thread where moomies who think they are battling PND and mommies who had overcomed the condition can share info and help each other. Better still if there are professionals out there who can contribute too...

Having gone through this after a year ago, I think a support group is important and we can discuss issues like medication, breastfeeding implication, and how and where to seek help and basically anything under the sun without being judged or a negative social stigma. Coz it seems to me, one needs to go to the doc for this and not everyone has the courage to take the step.

Mommies who suffer from this deserve special attention and I think it's time more awareness and apathy is raised about this condition...most people especially hubbies and the older generation think this is rubbish and that certainly doesnt help those of us in the theos of this situation...when it is these very people who need to lend their support on our road to discovery.

I hope we can come together to lend support and learn how to cope with this, triumph and still lead meaningful lives with our loved ones.

Anyone out there overcomed this after the first child and went on to have another child? I am past PND now but very fearful or having another child and that the nightmare of PND begins again...everyone tells me I'm selfish for not wanting another child but I really think my PND will strike again coz it's caused by the hormones and the environment and support network around me....

Comments, advice and any sharing welcomed....

Best regs
Charlorttesweb
 


Fern,
I had pnd for my 1st child. Guess what? Nw doing confinement for my 2nd bb.

Did pnd strike again?

Yes. Tho not as severe cos I alrdy knew what to expect, or rather I knew thru experience hw to handle my emotions.

Will share mre later cos I gotta take care of bb now.

Glad that u started this thread.

More awareness shd be given to this condition.
 
Fern,
I had pnd for my 1st child. Guess what? Nw doing confinement for my 2nd bb.

Did pnd strike again?

Yes. Tho not as severe cos I alrdy knew what to expect, or rather I knew thru experience hw to handle my emotions.

Will share mre later cos I gotta take care of bb now.

Glad that u started this thread.

More awareness shd be given to this condition.
 
Hi there!
Im not diagnose with depression n i donno if i have depression. But i do hope sharing my story wld help.
Before i got pregnant, i have some sort of like split personality. I can forgive this person today n hate her again tomorrow. Know what i want now n feel so lost the next moment. Happy in the day n cry in the night. N i usually spends my nights drinking rotting away.
When i hit my limits i end up cutting myself, enjoys feeling the pain n watching the blood drip. It makes me feel alive. I then got 'addicted' to tattooing. Feeling the pain for few hours, n seeing the picture after the pain. Watching it heal. N having it on my body. Except for the first one on my hand which was kinda out of impulse, the rest were on thighs n ankles n back which can b easily covered up if needed to. Pictures i chosen all has their meaning. N its something i know if i look back twenty yrs later i wont regret. They will b there to remind me of things i wanna b reminded of, lessons.
Due to my 'craziness', i had an abortion at 18. Which was the greatest mistake of my life. Something i wld regret forever, something which i will never forgive myself.
I was careful when i was with another bf. But accident happened n i took the emergency pill within the nxt 24hrs, (morning-after pill if im not wrong). I still got pregnant. Was crazy drinking n heavy smoking during the first 3mths, which is the danger period where most miscarriage occurs. But my baby was strong, n i believe its fated.
When i had my first checkup at ard 12-14weeks n everything was well, i decide i want to keep this baby. Its like a wakeup call. Surviving through the pregnancy was easy on the outside hard in the inside. No morning sickness or whatever sufferings. The whole pregnancy n labour was a breeze. But the emotional part was torturing. Deep inside my heart i know i wanna keep the baby. But certain comments from my dad or others makes me feels like ending it. Even when there were supportive pple like my mum n collegues n all. I cld b happily planning for the lil life n nxt moment thinking of abortion, or giving up for adoption. Even the day i was in the labour ward. Took lots of determination to shake those negatives off n persist on. I dont want another regret.
Things got worst after the child was born. The first i saw him, i know i wanna keep him. But when we were hm n there were only the two of us. It was hell. My boy was a difficult baby. Crying like he just gotten slapped EVEY NIGHT. no matter how i carry or rock or whatever, he wldnt stop. Being very badly slp depreive, no help cos im a single mother, father n didi's slp badly disturbed, n baby crying so badly me not knowing what to do, the complete helpless n desperate feeling. I can scream at him asking him to shutup n slp. Breakdwn n cry with him. Etc etc. Even after i moved in with my mum. In the day when there's just the two of us n he wldnt stop crying. I wld lost control n scream at him or breakdwn n cry. There were few times when i carry him n shout when r u going to stop! Had the urge of shaking him n throwing him onto the wall. But i end up banging my head onto the wall instead la. Was almost mad but still cant bear to hurt him..
Also has thoughts of selling him away. Carry him jump off the building. Slapping him. Etc etc. Im serious.
Have not been to any doctor. Tried reading up n tried overcoming it myself. N i did it.
I think awareness of this is very impt. Knowing it n fighting it. I learnt to use positives to overcome the negatives. Think of the happy times when i feel like breaking dwn. Self-hypnotise. Will keep reminding myself of how determined i was to keep him. Of it was my decision to bring him into this world, he didnt ask to b here. Of him not having a father, caused by me.
It is not impossible to overcome it. U just have to understand it. Find the thing that triggers it. For me, its whenever my baby starts his cries. I will just breakdwn n get up. Find out how to handle him. Cry if u need to. Crying out is definitely much better than keeping it inside. Admit it acknowledge it fight it. Dont run away from it.
Medication can only surpress it temporary. U have to find the roots n pluck it out. Heal the inner self. Slowly step by step overcome it. Different pple experience different 'level' of postnatal blues. It is cause by hormones yes, but i believe fear plays a part to. There must b a factor that triggers it. Find it n solve it.
Jiayou mummies~
 
Wow Cindy, reading ur posts is great eye opener. Reminds me of my rebellious teenage years, tho I dun hv any tattoos or go the extreme of hurting myself. But the inner turmoil u describe is familiar.

I'm not diagnose with pnd, but I read up enough to know the symptoms and I'm definitely within it at the higher end.

Frm young my parents were not with us, I was brought up by granny. Not close to her nor to my elder sis. We were not well to do but parents made sure we had most of what we need. Gd education, no need to lift a finger with housework. Basically we were left alone to do whatever we like, even when sch results were bad, nobody said anythg. No aim, no aspirations, nothing. I believe till nw is due to zero communication with parents. No bonding, no mentorship, no guidance.

Evtime we met with any problem, juz shove to parents and they will settle it. In a way we were spoilt to our disadvantage.

Fast forward to working life..I had a blast, earn my own money, got married, move out..finally my own space. I work with my hb in the same line so we see each other most days. Sleep late, wake up late, eat whenever we want. Good life.
I din want to have kids, my lifestyle is so nuah, I dun think I can be responsible enough to take care of a child and make sure he be well brought up. Aw, my hb started to ask me to have a kid. Long story short, I gv in and ds1 was borned.

Big mistake cos I was so unprepared for the routine of looking after a bb. The feeds, nappy chg, falling sick. Suddenly evthg so routine, total opposite of my life. I went into deep depression.

Lucky for me, I have a lot of angels ard and god is blessing me and taking care of me. My CL stayed for a yr to take care of bb. When bb was 1, my mum took care while I went back to work with my hb for 3 yrs. My ds1 is nw 5yo. So I escaped the work of taking care of bb right up to toddler age. When I finally quit my job for gd, my son is alrdy a big boy.

Then I tot ok, juz be contented to bring him up. But certain incidents made myself question the need to provide him with a sibling. There were times when I needed help and my sisters did supported me and I tell myself I'm lucky to have my sisters ard to help. If I'm gone, then my son will be all alone in this world without any kin. So I started to plan #2.

Nw ds2 is here. Once agin the feeling of helplessness descended on me. Nw I dun hv any nanny, my mum doesn't seem keen to help and it's not fair for me to dump my bb to her agin after what she gone thru with my ds1. So I'm stuck with an active preschooler and a newborn.
 
Dear Cindy, applause you for your courage, and thanks for contributing. I think we all, at some point want to press the "stop" button on our kids just so they shut up...you are right in that the medication only do so much as to numb, I went on anti-depressants, it did help me relax, made me spaced out...but what really helped what it made me realise I needed to do something about it, I dont want to be spaced out like that all the time...like living in a bubble wrap.

Motherhood is a tough journey, some have it easier, some have it worse but ultimately it's a self-sacrificing journey.

Here's my story:

I got head-hunted to join a cosmetic MNC in 2008,so left my previous stable govt job. Was so happy, good pay increase, regional role....yippee I was living the good life in my designer wares and glamourous job, travelling...then I found out I was pregnant 2 months into the job. Being naive I informed HR and my boss about it as it will impact my work travel plans and to my horror, they fired me...gave me 1 day notice and told me to pack up. My world crashed...went to MOM etc and basically nothing much could be done, one had to be employed for 3 months before employer is liable for compensating for maternity. Well basically nothing much I can do short of hiring lawyer myself and take them to court...whatever for right? At most they pay me 4 months maternity?

Anyway...the good thing is I had a relaxing pregnancy but I was feeling wronged and indignant inside. didnt help that I had a rocky relationship with my mother she and didnt quite get along with my hubby too. I'm an only child, dad passed away when I was yound and mother became quite dependant on me and was afraid I'll abandon her after I got married...so a load of issues there...

My daugther was born 2008 and she was healthy and beautiful but she was also a difficult baby, very fussy and cried alot so that was a challenge. I had such difficulty feeding too, the milk never came, only helped a little with medical help. The whole time most tell me to give up feeding and that I was too sturborn to want to persist...it was a lonely war path but I persisted....and kept bb on a 50%-80% BM diet for abt 12 months...well thats as much as my body will give.

We also discovered after sunning bb (jaundice) that she had a patch of hypo-pigmentation on her cheek...a patch that won't darken like the rest of her face after sun exposure. After the diagnosis was given, docs say nothing much could and should be done, just keep her fair so the patch is not obvious...I was heartbroken...worried she may develop insecurities about the patch...I so wanted everything perfect....

On the career front I really struggled..I really wanted to spend time to focus on the kiddo but yet, its a big financial sacrifice and I had already been out of job for a year...so I wanted to take on a flexi-hr job to balance...it took awhile before the right job came along...in the meanwhile I took on lower paid, lower level jobs so long as they allowed flexibility in timing...

To many others, the above may be nothing but somehow I was caught in this vicious cycle of self-blame that my desire for career advancement and materialism drove make to leave a stable job for that dumb MNC and that led to my downfall....

I developed dark thoughhts and lost all interest in whatever i used to enjoy...I just burst out crying sometimes and couldnt control my emotions, often having outbursts when things dun go right... the smallest things trigger me off, oesnt help my mom is also very volatile so I end up having shouting matches with her and I would shake uncontrollably and start slapping myself or throwing myself against the wall...somehow inflicting pain on myself so it matched the internal pain within me... when she sees me like this, she accused me of being drama and just want to put the blame on her when I said I think I had PND...I just couldnt control my thoughts and emotions like I could in the past.

Well, that is behind me now...after taking the anti-depressants, I knew I had to try to get out of this...the sessions with the psychologists at KK were helpful...for teh first time in a long time, I could open up and tell her everything, all my worries and deepest darkest secrets...my sessions were always emotional and I cried and cried...it was a good platform for release...I could say things I want to say without being judged.

They suggested that i go for couselling...around the same time I stopped breastfeeding and I can feel the hormones clearing up and I was less emotional. Thru a friends recommendation, I took on a full time job that allowed flexible working hours...my mom also shiifted in to help with my child...and everyone in the house had to learn how to be civil to one another for the sake of the little one....As for her patch, we try to keep her fair and away from too much sun and it doesnt show up too much, having the concealer on standby if we ever need it...will have to build her self-confidence and how to answer when others ask her abt it...so far not many people notice or ask...I think the issue will kick in more when she goes to school and start having PE in the sun and it becomes obvious....sigh....my poor girl I hope the world will be kind to her...little children can be so mean...

Things started to get better...i opened up and told friends about things rather than trying to keep up appearances.

I still have my moments and bad patches but I guess I'm out of the darkest phrase...

Nobody told me the extent to which this can be, and nowhere did I read about how I can lose control of myself like that...I think alot of awareness needs to be raised abt this and where one can get help...the current way local hospitals present help for PND is far too formal and intimidating....they should allow some form of chatline or email etc where people can talk abt their situation and hopefully get advice and be persuaded to get some help...infact gynaes should also screen patients to identify the high risk groups...

No one likes to think they are mentally disturbed or depressed so it's a huge step to take when it comes to making an appt with a psychologist for assessment...

I hope this little thread can help sufferers share and have a place to vent...I know this would have been a source of comfort for me when I was in my deepest darkest hour...

I cant offer much here, except a listening ear and hopefully some advice based on my road to recovery if needed...

cheers
 
Hi Sungrapes...sigh sounds like you need to go thru the routiine all over again, I hope the depression doesnt strike as bad this time...I so fear going thru all that again, haiz....
 
I didn't get post-natal blues at all even though I know I was repressing the stress as a new mother. I've read about this syndrome before and know my mind is strong enough not to get involved with negative thoughts/feelings/actions.

I kept myself busy, started a blog to write about happy/useful topics to share with others, did sewing, had the radio on all the time switching channels, found this forum and don't allow external matters to affect me. Just basically kept myself focused on learning as the bb grew and enjoying making modifications to lifestyle/home.

Very fortunate that husband was by my side from delivery ward and is great with the infant (now toddler). I don't believe that taking medication will work. I've always believed that a person's mind is the most powerful engine. If you know you have a tendency to lapse into depression, consciously stop it by telling yourself that it's a vicious trap.

Hope everyone's feeling better now?
 
Hi,
I duno where to start but i think my self esteem has reduced to negative and it makes me so depressed to the point of irrational thoughts of suicide, at the peak of my breakdowns..

I have 2kids.. 27mos girl & 9mos boy.. I had no help from day 1.. My MIL was diagnosed with breast cancer & my mom prefers to work.. My MIL asked her friend to do confinement for my first birth, 10am to 4pm daily. It was a last minute thing cause my own mom actually agreed to do for me but she couldnt even handle nightfeeds.. She has never needed to take care of my bro & I before.. She had my grandma to help totally.. I was more stressed there, hence the last minute CL from my MIL..

i did not do confinement for my #2.. No help at all.. I did everything myself..

I have been a 24/7 SAHM since march 09.. My previous job was being a technician in HP.. 7-7 shift jobs that only has 14 working days a month.. I had a pay, had good prospects, had buddies with me to gossip and had a social life back then.. I was abt 70kg..

Now, i have no friends, no colleagues, no social life, no dating time with hb, not even a good nights rest.. And I'm at 98kg.. I look terrible.. I cant go out to exercise cos i always had to tc of 1 child.. My #2 arrived when my #1 just hit 18mos.. I had to take care of a newborn + a toddler who always got sick cos needed to adapt to childcare.. I barely even have time to sleep..

Somehow we got by until recently where I had a huge meltdown.. I seek advise from my parents and yet they accused me not wanting to work, of wanting to be taitai only.. Who doesnt want to be taitai? But reality check, i cant.. I needed to work, to have a social life, to keep myself in check.. I have no reason to even try to look good now, any attempt now will only make me more tired at night.. Got to remove make up, wash hair etc.. I cant even find fitting clothes anymore.. I broke down at the thought of me in another 5yrs..

I can't put baby in IFC cos its 7-7 and my hubby works 9-9.30 plus he start work on sundays.. If i were to work, it would be as if i'm a single mom to 2kids! How to go work on every Monday?

I'm at a loss now.. Dont know what to do.. My moods have been very erratic and emotional past 2weeks.. I think i need help but i have no idea where to get it.. I dont think i can visit doctor alone, will have to bring my boy there with me.. I feel suffocated with my kids, i cant get my own breath..

For moms who have been to the doctor, what is it that they usually do? Do u bring your kids with u? I have no idea.. Where can I see a doc for this?

I feel so worthless & helpless and alone.. So unimportant, as if i didnt have a need to exist if not for my kids.. Everyone else gets to rest, sleep well, maintain their sanity just cos they have a job to keep and I dont.. They all have to look good just becos they work.. Anything i spend on myself is excess.. And everyone tells me I'm so lucky to be a SAHM but who can understand that I'm screaming for help inside?
 
Hi Pearly,

Motherhood is challenging and without additional support we often feel we have no choice but to be there 24-7 for the kids.

If you think you need medical help and wish to seek it, I sugg you contact KKH to see a Dr on PND. It is the first step towards seeking help and speak to the Dr without the need to censor any information and basically pour your heart out, this helped me alot.

Sounds like you wish to get back to work if you could, would you consider hiring a domestic helper to care for the kids? I used to be against the idea but since my mom was seriously ill, I have no other choice as I had to work and didnt wish to survive on single income. My helper is not fantastic but so far, acceptable and really allows me to work and at times have some personal time with hubby. There is no perfect arrangement and there are tradeoff, so you gotta see if it is worth it if the trade-off is at the expense of your wellbeing.

Think you also need to let your hubby know what you are gg thru, if it means he needs to take a half day off so you can go see a Dr, then I think he should so do as a sign of support.

Things will get better, your kids need you. It's impt we remain sane and upbeat for their sake...

Good luck and god bless.
 
I just gave birth to my 2nd child in Jan, and now i am totally on my own with my bb. I am not sure if i am having depression, but i totally have no appetite on eating anything... although i feel hungry and looking at the food make me feel like vomitting. i kept on telling myself is because i am lake of rest (bb need to be fed every 2hoursly), wake up 3 times at night make me feel uneasy, coz last time i used to sleep from 10 to 7.
i hope this feeling can go away very soon, else i can't concentrate on taking of bb as i don't have strength to even carry her... i really wish that i can be back to normal, eat a lot, i don't mind gaining weight as i am always underweight.
i want myself to be more positive on everything !!!
 
Hi bomberg,
Have you managed to overcome your problem as i am facing the same thing now. i just gave birth in may and no appetite at all. i am hungry but i feel like vomitting when i see food. i cry with my baby. i feel very helpless as i cannot carry him ans i feel giddy often. what should i do?
 
Hi bomberg,
Have you managed to overcome your problem as i am facing the same thing now. i just gave birth in may and no appetite at all. i am hungry but i feel like vomitting when i see food. i cry with my baby. i feel very helpless as i cannot carry him ans i feel giddy often. what should i do?
 
Hi bomberg,
Have you managed to overcome your problem as i am facing the same thing now. i just gave birth in may and no appetite at all. i am hungry but i feel like vomitting when i see food. i cry with my baby. i feel very helpless as i cannot carry him ans i feel giddy often. what should i do?
 
hi, i hv back to work now. but tt period was really uneasy. i quickly engaged a nanny to help me. tt nanny is helpful and she with us since my first kid. so she started taken care bb at 3rd month. i suggest tt u find somebody to help up. dont keep everything to urself. believe me ,will over soon.
 
Hi,is this thread still active?
Does anyone has a doc to recommend for PPD that is affordable?
Do they work on wkends?coz I don't think I can handle bringing my 1mth+ bb with me.
I have no1 to help to take care of bb.
 
Sunkissprissie,
I was referred to changi hospital by polyclinic.

To be honest, psychiatrists will just prescribe anti depressants, sleeping pills and anti anixety drugs. I did not take them as im not comfortable with drugs tt alters the chemical balance of my brain.

Instead, i seek counselling. I feel it helps to get to the root of the problem. Many times, ppd is an outpouring of hidden fears n anxiety alrdy within us brought abt by the additional chges we hv to adapt to.
No doubt, hormones plays a part. But by the 3rd, 4th mth, ur hormones wld be back to normal.

Im fine now, without taking drugs. if u need mre info, pls pm me.
 
Hi, i dunnoe if i am suffering from postnatal depression, but i noe i am definitely into severe depression and have suicide thoughts like everyday now, but no courage to die. Hope someone can help me.

I gave birth in Mar tis yr, took care of baby for first 3 mths, feeling tired cos' lack of sleep from looking after baby, but not depressed. i went back to work in jul n baby went to inlaw's hse. i become a wkend parent thereafter.

Every Sun i would have headaches and cried alot after returning from my in law hse cos i could not stand the way my mil take care of my baby. In fact it is my fil who take care of my baby. My mil does nothing but save save save, at the expense of my baby. We quarrelled over many things like unclean clothes, oily bottles, spoilt food, forbidden food eg. preserved plums, etc. This leaves my hubby and fil in difficult positions.

I could not concentrate at work and fell sick very often. I could no longer meet the high expectations of my demanding boss. She was very unhappy about my performance and picked on me. I quit my job in Sept cos' i could not take the pressure at work and at home. My baby remains staying at my in law's hse as i need to actively look for a job and attend interviews. I sent out close to 100 CVs and have gone for more than 10 interviews. All failed. I become demoralized and have stopped searching for job now.

Every wed, i would bring my expressed breast milk to my in law's hse. I tried to close one eye and one ear not to see and hear what she does and say but it's hard. I became more depressed as i could not control what is given to my baby. I wanted to bring my baby back home to look after him myself, but i dare not. My baby crawls everywhere now and would make noise if he is left unattended in the playpen for a while. I could not put him at infant care either cos' got no working mother subsidy.

I feel useless. My hubby has to support my parents, his parents, our baby, and now me. I skip meals now to save $, save all the $ to buy baby stuff. Since i couldn't earn $, the only way is to save $. I ate only one meal a day for about a month already and the cheapest food i can find. I feel my health deteriorating, cos' gastric pain everyday.

His mum has never treated me as part of their family. For this 13 yrs, she has never asked me to eat something from her table, worst, she will say drumsticks, big prawns etc are for who n who and tell me not to eat. Then we only had ROM, no customary, and his mum gave me nothing too. Worst, she taught my hubby to tell relatives that we are not married so he could still get red packets. Last time when i stayed over at weekends, She would touch my things, try out my clothes and shoes, and happily keep those she like without asking me. Now when i visit my baby, she would check out my bag and belongings, and when i caught her red handed, she gave some lame excuses. I have endured them all. What i cannot endure are those affecting my baby's health and well being.

My hubby said my baby is doing fine, despite wearing those dirty clothes and drinking from dirty bottles. By quarreling with his mum, I am adding stress to him and his family. I feel lousy. I didn't want to be quarrelsome but i could not control. I have suicide thoughts everyday now, thought once i am gone, he won't have to be sandwiched between his mum and me, and i won't be a burden to him either. They can be one good happy family. I make their family unhappy. All cos' of me.
 
Mooshe~
Don't let ur mil dishearten u. Mils are usually out to belittle dils and mine is really horrible but I managed to make my stand. Don't give up on ur happiness and family. Ur mil has no right to rob u of them.

U are ur baby's mummy and I'm sure u will do a good job of caring for ur baby. Listen and follow ur internal mother's instinct.
 
Any mummies still active here? I am suffering from PND. Quite severe I could say. I feel giddy whenever I stand/walk. I couldn't go anywhere without support. I am under medication.. but I still always have negative thoughts. It's like I couldn't control my brain to stop thinking. I sit all day long in the living room till hubby comes back. My 3 months old is being taken care by my parents. I feel useless bcs at times I can only watch my boy cry and I can't do anything.. I need help. I couldn't travel to get counselling but I will discuss w my husband abt it. Any mummies have nice dr to recommend? The charges doesnt matters. I just want to get well, take care of my boy and lead a normal life.
 
Hi all, I suspect I'm having PND. I can even think of harming my baby and myself. I can throw him on thr floor or on bed and I tot is wat he deserved. I really cannot stand him torturing me everyday and nite. He is a cry baby. Even at nite, he will wake up many time crying for me. Its super frustrating!!! I'm super tired cos hav not been really sleep ing since he born. He used to wake up every hr to cry from 3mths to 10mths. And now he wake up 2 to 3 times.

Last nite I saw the news of a mother throwing his son down from window. I tots its wat the child deserved and even tot of doing it on my baby.

Help!! I'm going crazy!
 
Hi, maybe you need to take some time-off. The lack of sleep being a new mother, and the anxiety that comes with it can be difficult to cope. Is there someone that can help take care of your baby? A few hours, or a few days - let you calm down and recover?
 
Hi oops,

I have been thru too. U need rest. Where do u stay? Can u pm me? If it's near, I can go over to help so that u can rest/sleep.
 
frogprincess, I'm not a new mummy. I'm a 2nd mummy. My #1 is a sleep angel who sleep thru the nite since 3mths old. Now he don even bother abt his baby crying at nite and can still sleep soundly.

Nobody wants to help me. I'm also a FTWM. Its affecting my work too. If this bb is my #1, I won't have #2 liao.

July_baby, u can help at nite?? Wkends my hb will be home so don think u can come. My 2 kids r in the childcare now.

I think I really hav to force myself to take a day off to rest at home. But I hav lots of work in office leh. And one day rest won't help at all actually. I have been suffering for 15mths liao.
 
Opps,

U r definitely not alright. How old is both ur kids? My 2nd one is also more troublesome to take care unless my no. 1 who sleep thru the night too.

drop me an email, see what I can help u out. [email protected]
 
Opps... the work will always be there... If you goto your usual GP and just tell the doctor that you are very stressed with work and children, you just ask for MC... normally they would give. Send the kids to childcare, go home and sleep. After that have a nice high tea before fetching the kids. Everyone need space and rest once in a while...
 
Jus took leave yesterday to rest. In the end nvr rest, cos when I wan to take a nap, SMS keeps coming in 1 by 1.

No mood to work now. How I wish I no need to work. But if I don work, I will be worst wif zero amt of sleep. Hubby say I mus do all horrible nite feeds for my sleep monster and he not won't help cos he earned more than me so he needs to sleep. Can imaging if I stop working. Zero income means zero sleep. Hate this theory from hubby.

Sian, keep making mistakes at work. Makes me even worst.

Really tot of killing myself to end all this. Since I can't solve all my problems, cannot stop working, cannot hav gd rest etc etc...

I knw I cannot do it cos of my kids and mum.

Worried tat one day I might bring my kids and mum to another world so I can take care of them myself.
 
I know I hav PND so I always try to find chance to rest, but in the end all nvr successed. Mostly cos by hubby and sleep monster.

My condition might get worst if tis goes on. How I wish I can get away wif all this for 1 day and 1 nite.
 
Hi Opps, how abt you ask your family/company doc to refer you to see a psychiatrist? i think you are overwhelmed with work and family, and under too much stress.

I've been thru all these, and i'm currently still on anti-depressant and have left my workplace (work is never-ending, even if i worked myself to death, at the end of the day, my company will only send a wreath).

I'm now a fulltime SAHM, and living with my mil - of course living with in-law has a different set of probs, but with medication, i'm ok on most days. But at least, my relationship with my child is better now.
 
Alison, I don hav money for psychiatrist. Hubby expect me to share 50% of the hsehold exp wif him. And I still have to support my parents who r retired (wif all savings given to some stupid msia women) and not working now. My mum is a hsewife. I'm earning lesser plus need support parents, and need to share half of the hsehold exp.

How to pay for the medical bills for myself?? I need to save for my parents medical fee and care (might need a maid for them cos I'm not allow by hubby to take care of them)in future.
 
how abt going to polyclinic, and ask for referral?

you are under alot of stress, plus financially you are also very stressed. have you tried talking to your mum on your probs? or talk to anyone? eg friend or colleague - someone who can be trusted, willing to listen, give advice, and will not add on to your current burden..

I'm not exactly sure why your hubby dont allow you to care for your parents in future, but for now, dont give yourself extra stress by thinking abt the future - as in need to engage maid, need to pay for levy etc..things might not be as bad, as in, your parents might be able to look after themselves and might not need a maid afterall.

i mean, try to take 1 day at a time..
 
I'm also the type who thinks far ahead, eg next time this how, next time that how..and i'm also very scared that i wouldnt have enough money to give to my mum, since i'm no longer working.

but i tell myself if i keep thinking, i will go mad very soon..so i try to tell myself to take 1 day at a time.

Worry is like a rocking chair--it gives you something to do but it doesn't get you anywhere...
 
I don wan to bother my friends cos I knw they hav their own problems. I hav not been contacting them too cos no time and hubby don allow (always rush me or give me that angry look when I tok to my friends/my family members on the line). I'm also not allow to go out to meet my friends cos hubby don wan let me go. His theory is he went out or came hm late cos of work but for me is for leisure so cannot go. My mum also under stress by a stupid old man at home plus her health so I don wan to bother her and make her condition worst.

My parents won't be able to take care of themselves when they r sick rite. All humans will go thru sickness and death. I can see my mum and tat stupid old man getting weaker as days goes by. Can't really walk and need walking stick liao. Confirmed will need care one day, jus how fast it will come. They r aldy 70+. Better to start planning and saving now.
 
Remembered the Quan Yi Feng case. Her doc say can happened within 10yrs after child birth.

I told my hubby my situation, he don care. Cos he keep thinking his stress, high blood, backaches and health r more impt and worst.

Like wat my friend say, he will only wake up when something serious happened. But no pt wake up when tat thing happened cos too late liao.

I cannot control my emotions now. WIll let go esp on my kids. Worried one day I cannot ctrl myself and I will do something.

Hate this world!!
 
@newmummy -- not sure if PND can happen after 1 year ... but i do believe depression can happen at any time especially to women who have just become mothers. Due to hormonal changes and the new responsibilities of being a mother, the stress can cause PND depression. Sometimes after bottling up for too long, emotions erupt like a volcano.

Therefore, it is important to recognise the symptoms and put a stop before it gets serious.
I think sharing and ranting this forum does help mummies to relieve tension and frustrations. Hopefully, we forumers can continue to encourage each other and motivate each other.
Cos collective negativity can breed even more negativity. So let's stay positive.
 
@oops -- u sharing your issues here means you are conscious of your state of mind (which is better than being totally oblivious).
Stay positive and when you're angry, try to stay away from the kids. Put them in their room and give yourself a short break to take a breather and calm yourself down.

If $ is an issue stopping you from seeking professional help, you can approach family service centres who provide free counselling support.
 
Oops, please do not take it lightly.

You need to seek someone who is experience in this area to talk to you. I have been through PND one month after my 2nd baby, right after the confinement lady left. That was a dark period and fortunately, it did not last long.

We definitely need someone who really understand what we are going through, who been through and guide us out of this. You can do it!

Jia you
 
Hi all, i've always worried that i would fall into PND and hence decided to search for support groups and I'm glad i found this thread.

I'm a 2nd time mum to a now 5 week old daughter, and a 2 year old girl. When I had my #1, I didn't remember having time to feel that i might fall into PND. Yes, she did have night feeds of course, and my hb largely helped with it. At that time, i was still 'enjoying' the new events of a first time mum like night feeding, playing with bb... etc. Having a bb seemed to be like a new 'fun' thing for me. My #1 also managed to sleep through at 5-6 weeks old. Time flew then, and my #1 is already soon to be 2 years old.

However now with #2, I am utterly annoyed with night feeds and the need to constantly watch over her. I guess i'm too used to enjoying my freedom now that my #1 is already 2 years old and have been able to sleep through since she was very young. I have not had to deal with night feeds for such a long time already. Yet now with #2, I know that it is normal for bb this age to still have night feeds but yet I find it very frustrating that i cannot get a good night's sleep as i used to sleep from about 10-7am, undisturbed. (My #1 sleeps with my maid in the next room).

I find myself often thinking why i had #2 and sometimes i wish i had not. I also sometimes wish that i can totally just ignore her and let her cry if she does. Every night it takes about an hour to get her to sleep, which by then would be close to midnight. I'm fine if she kept quiet and just observed her surroundings till she sleeps but no..she seemed to be very angry, kicking and punching and fussing. It's like a nightly ritual. Carrying doesn't help, putting her down doesn't help too. It doesn't help that my room aircon is quite faulty and 18 degrees is 28 degrees (that's what my fan shows) so it's very hot for us and probably for her too, so we dress her lightly.
There have been occasions that she sleeps through but also occasions where she wakes for night feeding. Though she only wakes once at about 330am, i also can't help feeling irritated. Last night when she woke, i felt so irritated and told my hb that my #2 is very annoying - why did she have to wake up and cannot just sleep through? My hb was a little upset when i said that and told me i shouldn't be saying such things as it's normal for her to wake up for feeds. Of course immediately after that, i regretted my words..

My confinement lady came to visit me today and also to pick up something from me. She stayed for a while and i complained to her about having to take an hour to put #2 to sleep and night feeds too. When my CL was here, #2 mostly slept through..I wished i had the $$ to hire CL for another few more months. My CL half jokingly said that she could bring #2 back to her hometown in Malaysia and bring her back during CNY next year.. i can't believe i even considered it but of course i know i cannot allow that..

Even my hb can sense i don't seem to love #2 as much as i love #1.. and I can't help but feel extremely guilty for having such feelings towards my #2. I feel like such a bad mom and i always try to make myself love her more like how i love my #1. I don't find myself wanting to spend time with her, or fussing over her. I don't hate her and i don't dislike her but i just don't know why. Sometimes i feel maybe she is like a burden to me, making me give up my precious sleep and etc and immediately i will hate myself for thinking that way because afterall she is my daughter.

I feel stressed and irritated that my 'normal' life has been disrupted. I can't wait for her to grow up soon. Sometimes i even find myself considering sending her to someone to take care of her for 1 year and i'll take her back there after. But that is just not right...

What is wrong with me and how can i over come this?? Why do i feel this way ??? =(
 
The way to deal with PND is to make sure you ask for help whether from hubby or ILs or friends to help take care of the bb when you feel an outburst coming. Some mummies feel bad about troubling others and end up getting stressed.

Often, its the hormones and severe lack of sleep that starts to create drift between the mummy and the bb. We start to blame the bb for being fussy and why they need to keep crying etc... But what else can the bbs do except to cry in order to express their needs.

Ashlyn Kho - u state in your post that you have a maid. Can you get your maid to help you so you can take some time off? There's some mummies who struggle alone with minimal help from hubby and no maid. At least you're fortunate in that sense. :)

And bbs are godsend (try reading the TTC and MC threads) and you will start to appreciate what you have. At least a healthy though crying bb.

BBs crying and fussiness is just a passing phase and will be over before you know it. If the hormones are driving you nuts, seek professional help.

There is nothing wrong with you, its the hormones's fault. Take some multivits and have a healthy diet to condition your body so you can deal with the stress. When the body and mind are in fatigue, that's when the PND gets worse.

Take care!
 
Hi Wobble.. Thanks for your reply.
My maid largely takes care of my #1 and plus my #1 slps w her at night too in her own bed. So I didn want to put my #2 w her, in case my #2 disrupts #1 and it will be chaos. I also don't want my maid to feel stressed having to handle 2 kids (though highly unlikely my #1 will wake at night but still.....) I wish I could bring myself to do it but I just can't...

At times I have thought abt getting a nanny hire a cl again but it just doesn't sound practical plus my hb is sure to say I'm insane and that "there's nothing difficult and no need to hire and waste $$". Also I feel guilty if I were to ask ppl to tc of bb for me, it's like what am I doing as a mum?! Sigh....
 
Hi all
Hvg been thru pnd twice and recovered. My advice is to get as much help as u want. The priority is ur recovery. $ and all can be earned back. All the $ in the world is no use at all if u dun hv the health to enjoy them.
You need to WANT to get well. You need to actively seek help.

Also, there's nothing wrong with outsourcing ur kids to others to take care. If u can afford it, send to infant care or cc or get a nanny to tc half day or even overnight. This is not the time to talk about face or pride. Ask for help, even if it is your mil...

Get well soon ladies.
 
Hi sungrapes, thanks.. At this moment I can't be bothered about face or pride, it's more abt not having $$ to engage my confinement lady back.. My mil always pays for alot of things for us as she dotes on my hb alot - even the salary for cl was also paid by her, my hospital delivery bill, house renovation, most of the furniture, baby shower catering... All paid by her. I wish I could ask her for a loan because I don't want her to pay for us for anymore things because I feel bad enough. She can't help to tc bb as she and fil owns a food business which operates daily except Monday. She does not stay with us but stays above her food stall in those shop houses.. And comes back on Sunday night as Monday they r off. But even on Monday she does not help much w bb as she wants to catch up on sleep and rest and of cos I understand.

Hb would also not want me to hire cl again as he will feel its a waste of money and will not understand why I can't cope. I've also lost my appetite and is disgusted by the sight of food. I'm hungry but I just can't eat and hb gets irritated sayin if I don't eat I'm bound to complain that I have pains here n there n will b very troublesome....after losing my appetite for a week alr I started to worry if I was going into pnd.. Yesterday I cried my eyes out out of exhaustion and stress and felt better after that..

I don't want ppl or anyone to think is it I don't love my #2 or do I regret giving birth to her.. All the more I don't want #2 to feel my negativity and affect her too..
 
hei wobblejelly...
i am feeling better now... i will just day by day..

my bb recently has been crying everytime i approach her .. she didnt wan me to put her to sleep... she keeep on crying looking for her daddy.. after she tired, she finally sleep on her own..
its realli sux when ur bb keep on crying when u approach her...

i hope its just cause of i didnt spend much time withher.. i have been juggling between work, school and new mummy
sad.gif
 
What about infant care? Or helper? Find some one to just tc of bb so to free u up then u wun be so stress.

Tatz what I did. My helper stick to my #2. I just play with him. My mil always complain tt my maid nv do hsework like her frend's maid. She is always comparing. But I act blur.

Babies r v time consuming and I went thru the no life period too. This is very normal. But once they grow up, they will be more independent and will play with ur eldest. They can go full day cc then u will have ur freedom back. There is light at the end of the tunnel. Dun despair. Thgs will not always be the same.
 
Actually my cl also offered to bring my then newborn back to malacca. hahaha!

But then I alrdy quit my job so no excuse to do that. If not I sure take up the offer.

If im u, I will let ur maid tc of both. if she is capable of doing so. I hv many frnds who does the same. And I think many families oso do it this way. I always see many maids with one big one small at the playgrd, in schools etc. They r more like nannies.

Smtimes, we as mummies just hv to let go. Its more important to spend quality time with them then to always be stressed up and end up venting our frustration on them.
 
I wish I can hire back my cl for another 2 months.. I am really thinking of that and as for cost... I might just take a loan from a bank for $4,000 over bucks... My mil called hb this morning.. And asked if she needs to buy any more veg and meat back. My hb say no need since maid nv cook. My mil was quite upset that maid nv cook n ask my hb why. My hb said "cannot manage lah how to cook with 2 children?? " my mil insisted that can be done... Just cook "simple dishes" ... My hb told her "why don't u try yourself lor".. I just don't understand why my mil must insist to cook.. The cooking and washing up and mopping the floor after that is so damn time consuming!! Not like I extremely fancy my maid's cooking either.! I am getting so irritated with this insistence on cooking and eating shit...

I don't know how anyone else apart from mummies here will understand the stress and depression.. Thus I can't really tell my close friends, relatives or hb abt this... They will just think "can be done lah" .... Which is more depressing...
 
Hi Mummies,

I had PND when my daughter was born in 2009. I had no CL or helper, and my husband was working overseas at that time. My MIL was working (anyway, we don't get along), and my mother had to take care of my sis' kids. So I was taking care of my child all alone.

It was a terrible time. I had so much resentment against my baby. I didn't like her at all, to put it bluntly. I hated being a mother and sometimes, when baby was crying, I really felt like I truly hated her. I wanted to be rid of her. I remember crying a lot, feeling lost, desperate, hopeless.

At my 6 week check with my gynae, I brought it up. She sent me to see a psy immediately, right after my gynae appointment. I was required to go for subsequent sessions but didn't. Why? Not because I didn't want to (I really, really, really felt I needed to), but I didn't go because there would be no one to take care of my baby if I were to attend the sessions.

After one terrifying incident with my baby which I will not go into detail here, my mother came over and stayed with me for the next year. My husband also tendered his resignation, and returned to Singapore.

It took me one whole year before I felt any bonding with my baby. One year before I felt I loved her.

Mummies with PND, please find someone to help you out at home. Support is so important, I can't emphasise that enough. And on your worst days, keep reminding yourself that things get better after the first year. And if you have to urge to harm yourself or your baby, quickly separate yourself from your situation, and try to calm down.
 


I agree with sungrapes, learn to let go abit.

Ashlyn: if you dun let your maid try, you wouldnt know if she can cope. Of course you can take turns to tc of the bb so the maid oso can get some rest. At least you're sharing the burden with someone.

And dont feel guilty about paying $ to get help (if you can afford). Different people cope differently, its easy for others to say what's so difficult to take care of bb. only we mummies would understand.

And dun be upset with your MIL - I think she meant well as homecooked meals are better than eating out all the time. But if really cannot cope, then just order tingkat dinner.

I have a friend with young twins and she lagi cannot cope. End up hiring 2 maids as she was hvg PND. 2 maids but they also dont cook as both very busy with the kids. But at least my fren is so much more relaxed and happier now.
 
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