(2008/03) March 2008

babypink and mummy norman
Thanks.. financially yes i will still be able to provide for both so long i watch my spending. No problem.. I dun wish to be a single parent as yet.. i duno if he really say things to force to spite me though last time he did before too. he say if i dun agree to his divorce he will initate on his part whether or not i consent and tat he will move out n not be back. so far he hasnt really done it yet.. mabe he "mouth hard-heart soft"? i duno... Like i told him lor.. if he really wan then he have o go with me to the doc n he will be the one saying it.. i wun do it... cos i really dun bear to do it.. esp seeing my gal growing each day so cute so adorable...

Last time when i found out i'm preg i hv this stupid tot.. i told myself tat once he sign the birth cert i will bring the 2 kids out and get out of his life... when he wanted to divorce with me tat time i told him yes i will provided he gv me another kid. Now tat i have another kid i dun even knw why i am like tat... i am so angry and disappointed withmyself for being such a weakling.. mabe i shld hv keep to wat i say... sign the BC then i will sign the D paper....
 


bbpink
both u n abc are very brave...

if this happened to me, i will terminate this bb, and file for divorce.....i do not have the finance for 2 kids....i do not have help to take care of them...i will not take custody of my kids...and lead a new life.....and let hubby regret that his love for me is dead...and show him without him as fren or hubby i can survive very well....and of course still stay in contact with my kids....i believed that if hubby doesnt love me any moreor cruel enuff to say that he doesnt love me any more(not quarreling), there is no point for me to contd or try hard for nothing to keep family together....that is for me....

i admire woman who really try hard to keep family together and only end the relationship after their kids are independent....cos is no easy work....

think carefully how much u could take on....and once decided, u can make it.....
 
abc
seems he just mean to spite u...
now that u have an adorable gal..and a son on the way, mebbe things would turn great when ur son is born....

was he there when u delivering ur gal?...

for someone whose love is gone, he wun hug u when u are unwell..he wun take medicine for u...n he wun even wan to make out...

till he initiate D, all is not over yet...

stay strong for ur gal n the little guy in u....
 
abc...

At this stage, I think u & your #1 got attached to #2... dont think you should give up #2.

Trust & faith... I believe God would never give us more than we could handle.. Dont give up...

Life will be slightly more difficult.. But eventually u would learn in your own way to cope with it..Like you did for #1

You said your #1 is your inspiration and strength throughout this pregnancy and I think she will continue to be. In fact the baby you carrying now is your second pillar.

Its hard to not to allow yourslef to be affected by the other party's harsh words.

I believe that every mother is STRONGER than they think they are. Thats why we are given the task of giving birth. So i guess in a way, we women are tougher than man.. You'll get thru this difficult part in your relationship with your husband. So take care and be strong abc..

You'll be in my prayers tonite.
 
<font color="0000ff">mummy_norman_08</font>

actually there are a lot of financial assistance schemes available. I mean ..i cannot imagine the govt watching a mother with children starving on the street

i think if eat simple with simple education, as in normal education with no enrichment classes, a mum can bring up her kids alone

my pals always said i too optimistic , cos they keep saying children are expensive and some rather stop at 1

but i look at my parents who see me & my sis thru uni..they din spend a lot leh..my mum housewife
 
bellebeins and Mummy_norman
Thanks a lot...

Mummy-norman
I wish he is not doing it out of jus pure frenship. For guys they can do it with u even they hv no love. If not y got prostitutes right? hahaha... Yes he was there when gal is delivered but then timing is jus not right. His previous career failed. He took few years to finally get it on track thus during 2005 it is a difficult time for us. His career went down the drain, he started out career with $0 salary, bb jus born, i becoming demanding as i feel i like losing his attn, he had 3rd party though ended it within 2 weeks, i had post natal depression and being first time mummy i become demanding etc... Things then deteriorate from then lor... Now i leave him alone to do wat he wan, i find my own activities with my frens and my gal, stop bothering him and i feel he become better but still not much communication cos we hardly had time and he wun wan to gv up his career time for me etc... he went to work at 7 (i go work at 630am) and he came back at 12 am (where i am alr asleep). Thus we seldom hv time to talk...
 
something for all of u...whick perk me up...


977277.jpg
 
abc
u are very strong...
after what he has done to you, said to you, and been a first mum, his attitude then....u are very strong....u have went thru worst....what more could cme ur way now....u will tide thru....i believed the kids are your hopes to your life....with them, nothing is impossible....after hardship, all will be smooth sailing...and u will reap fr what u have sown...some men do change as they aged...they become more involved in the family....and more loving....your hubby could be this kind of man....if u persist and hang on, who knws....u would have your once nice, sweet hubby back whom u have decided to married back then......
 
abc..

I admire you.. take my hats off... I would not stay beside a man like that if he had done all that to mi. But sometimes it seems to me, love really can make you do things u can never inmagine..
 
Mummy_norman
Tat's wat i tot tat y i am holding on.. foolish woman right? hahaha... hoping with age he will get more involve, regret wat he had done n become better.. but am i dreaming? hahahah.. sometimes i wonder
 
abc
u are not dreaming...
u are just trying hard to hold together the family...and make it a happy ending...one day....he will regret...he will become better..and treat u all the better....love make us "foolish"....this is true love....wei da love...*hats off*....
 
true love? sometimes i feel i am so weak.. dun even dare to jus pack up and go and live on my own! So angry with myself at times.
 
abc,
have the two of you gone for marriage counselling yet? I think u should stick on with the pregnancy. I believe u have developed feelings for the baby.
I think when he says he has no more love for u, he means that he feels no more passion. but marriage may not be just passion. When passion dies off, there must be commitment and care to keep the marriage going. Remember in our grandparents' era, they have matchmade marriage without love, how come can maintain for so long. u think they have passion. I believe, marriage must be about commitment.
To be frank wif u, i believe that guys can be intimate wif you even, when they hold no more feelings for you, or sometimes, they did it out of pity. (sorry for saying this, but it happened before)
even if he did all those things out of friendship, let him be. At least he is there. Let he sort out his feelings and decide what is the rational thing to do. If he decides that this marriage is not for him, no point holding him back. In the end, u will still suffer. U just be brave and hold on. If he goes, life still goes on. U have your family and friends. One day, if he decides to turn back, and u can still accept him, u can be a happy family again. If he doesn't come back, it is his loss. You have the support of ur two children.
Conclusion, don try to change his mind or assume anything. treat him as a friend. give him time to cool down. guys when pressurised, always think about escaping. the more u wan something to happen, the more he try to fight back. (in this case, fight back the feelings, try to convince himself otherwise)
I dono whether i m confusing u here.
 
abc
hey i felt tat too...
i felt weak..
no where to go...
and then guilty to leave and then my kids to suffer on behalf of me..so i rather stay n shield them fr the pain of mom-less....but all this is sacrifice for the family...all in all is worth...
 
don pack up and go. if he goes, it is his decision. u just stay and live ur life as it is. erm.. do u think u can sorta be more passive? as in don't react so much to his presence. for example, when he is in the room, don make extra effort to make conversation. if there is a need to talk, den speak. if not, don't try to bother him. When he senses ur 'aloofness', maybe he will show more concern.
Just my two cents' worth of opinion.
 
aly
I knw wat u mean and yes i am doing tat. What i am afraid is really tat when i deliver he wun be in the delivery suite, and he no longer b ard then. I am afraid i hv postnatal depression again.. or mabe i think too much? hahaha...
Yea i am letting him do wat he wan.. even when he din come back i dun ask anymore... i din even wan to ask abt his work, where he going etc... tat y these few weeks he been nicer. i realise when i shut my mouth n do my own things he tend to be better but when i jus do the slightest thingy for e.g. today our anniversay and it is 4 years.. so in my msn message i jus wrote "4 years..." he become like tat again and saying all the nasty things.. i always tell myself maybe cos he himself is confused n he dun even knw wat he wan exactly... thus he dun even dare to commit. hahaha...

Mummy_norman
u r strong too... guess this is wat abt women. a lot of fren ask me to jus pack n go but when it really happens i think it is easier said than done.
 
aly
tat wat i am doing now. In fact he say he rather i stay put in the house and he be the one moving. actually it is my in law house. we dun hv a flat of our own. staying with in laws... like u say i din bother to make special effort to salvage jus let it be. he dun wan talk dun talk lor.. but jus wonder will it one day be a case we really got nothing to talk abt. hahaha...

In fact my grandparents r the one who inspire me. Since i knw things i knw tat my grandparents never get along. They dun slp together, never talk nicely to each other, always quarrelling. But when my grandpa one day was hospitalise my grandma cried. I was sad but yet touch.. nw becos my grabdma nd to take care of grandpa they r slping together now. This tell me tat though ppl quarrel in long time when they stay together they wun leave each other in lurch... tat makes me even more stregth to stay...
 
yup.so u gotta be strong. if the marriage fails, u have tried ur best, he is the one who needs to decide for himself what is the right things to do
 
aly/abc
not easy...
i have tried...
i dun why..i cant stand the silence...
how to like no react to presence...and speak when needed?....
 
mummy_norman
Conc on playing with yr gal... hahaha... jus ignore him lor. i tried n i did it... hahaha... if he in the room jus alone with me, either i read book or slp lor.. hahahaha
 
Mummy _ Norman 08,

You and mi the same.. i cant stand the silence.. i will question and ask and push when i dont get response from my the other half...

But after a while, i know that it makes things worst so i sleep now whenever we quarrel or in mist of a fight
 
Hi abc,

Ive been following this thread but not posting. I cant help after reading your post. *Hugs* Its indeed very tough on you and youve been very strong. Did you both have a good talk? Why does he want to be out of the marriage when hes in depression now? Shouldnt you and your girl, being his immediate family, be pillars of strength in his life? Doesnt he feel blessed that he has a supportive wife whos willing to go through thick and thin with him and even forgive his mistake (affair), as well as an adorable daughter? Whats his response when you told him you still love him and want to stay on and help him out of this depression?

Sorry, I just have too many questions in my mind. I really dunno whats on his mind. Since hes working now, why arent he helping out financially?

Lastly, does it help if the family goes on a short trip, or better still just you and him to catch up on good old times that he may have forgotten?
 
raisintan
he say he dun even knw wat he wan in his life and his life is in a mess. He dun wan to harm anymore ppl. He doesnt wan to talk cos he is persistent in his decision. If we talk we are leading no where cos he insist his way, i insist my way n in the end no conclusion. He keep asking me to find a husband who can love me more and one who can gv my gal and me a more complete family.

I mentioned earlier his first career went down the drain. Now he jus starting a new career. No basic pay. all commission based n very little commission. But i think his biz is picking up cos he contributing more to the family in terms of grocery and oso other stuff. He also gv me $ at times though i am working...
 
abc
i will just feel very uncomfy....will try if this happen again to me...u really *thumbs up*...u have been trained to become numb to his presence....

bellebeins
same here...i used to make sure i get a result..then i realised things get worst....so similar, now i sleep, then tmr morn, when i m better, i give in...cos i feel pointless to quarrel...worthless....
 
Mummy_norma
Tat is becos i experience like u too. When i probe things got worse.. so now i jus keep myself shut lor. hahaha...
 
haha. whenever we quarrel he will dun talk, n i talking no stop. he got so irritated that he wanna brake off with me (tat was b4 we married). now i try not to nag so much lah. but ever since i preg, surprisely no more quarrels......

abc

i admire u oso...
 
abc,

sounds like he has kind intentions at heart. i hope this is a transition phase for him, and it's really very tough on you. is he open for counselling? how does he spend his weekends? does it help if just both of you go out and unwind to places you've been to during dating time?

i guess when he's relaxed, he may be more willing to talk about it? doesnt he feel touched by your determination and love?
 
raisintan
No i think he feel more obliged and guilty ley... Weekends he spend mostly working, catching up his clients or doing admin work, if not his service to grassroots etc. His biz require networking thus he need to ensure his network is wide lor. But sun night he usu home earlier. he would watch tv or read to my gal if she is nt asleep yet...

He say he has no time to unwind and can't at the moment cos his work. His parents are very old.. 60plus, mum working part time but old ppl paid little. Only $4.50 per hour kind. Father working but biz nt doing well. Jus enuff to pay factory rental kind, younger bro only poly first yr. Hb need to pay electrical bills etc and sometimes even housing loans and father may borrow $ from him too... luckily his parents still healthy if not worse.. oh yea his parents no CPF, no insurance too.. mabe hv a little la but still costly if sick kind lor... tat y he is pressurised i think.
 
<font color="0000ff">bellebeins & mummy_norman_08</font>

i m like u ladies, i oso cannot stand silence

if i am unhappy abt something , i wana thrash it out verbally

if my hb din converse with me ( he always says to let me cool down ) but it just <font color="ff0000">heats</font> me up

then i wil start saying things that can be very nasty, but i dun mean it one deep down

i advise my hb that if he sees me annoyed , just hug & give me..but he said wat if i slapped him..haha

so far i have yet to slap anyone in my life leh
 
abc,
think your husband is stressed over the finances and that he hold the fort in the family, so he probably feels his responsibilities are alot more being the elder son. Give him some time.
 
i admire u all.. sometimes i oso wish i hv someone who i can really nag and scold without fearing he will leave me.. someone who after quareel will apologise and hug me. Last time yes he will but now... when i am sad he will also make me laugh.. now it seems like he is more sad than me.. hahaha... i do admire those couple who quarrel, the wife who can scold the hubby without fearing he will leave... n then make up...
 
babylush
He is not the eldest.. he is the second in the family. But his elder bro has since passed away. I think he feel burden on him lor... being the oldest now and bro still so young....
 
i think men are like tat.. they will close up once confronted..

My hubby to be.. will just ignore or keep his silence for days.. that really pisses mi off.. sometimes i give in.. but most of the time, i give in, he still has not gotten over the incident. So nowadays i sleep on it, when he's ready to forgive, he will just approached mi..
 
abc,

your hubby is not leaving you yet... he say he wants too but like wat u said till now he is still around...

I think(my own opinon) if he had really wanted to u and your girl.. He would have done so in the 1st time round.. would not have stuck till now..

Some other guys really cruel out there, once they say they leaving, the next min they are gone...
 
abc,
with another baby coming along, your husband feels more financial stress which could be the real reason why he brought up the termination of pregnancy. When things get better, maybe can try to assure him that the both of you can get through this together.
 
abc.. I am really sad to hear what u have been through.. But U got to remain stronger under such circumstances.. coz remember, u have to face the music after all..and your wonderful gal.. of coz a soon to be gal or boy to join in!!

I think,u really have to ask urself.... prep urself with the oncoming challenges.. u got to be mentally strong to overcome any possibilities that your hubby will leave u...In fact, I always feel that all women should be prepared to accept the fact that be our hubby will leave us.. (be it GOd's will or "Dick's" will :)-P)!!

I am not in the position to tell u what u should do..But I really hope everything turn out to be ok for u and do continue to remain strong k!!.. remmeber to speak out.. dun keep in your heart k!! Although we can't help much..but we are sincerely here to LISTEN and be there for u..

Abc.. JIA YOU!! Follow ur heart..
 
babypink
i also cannot remain silence. I just vent out whatever anger i have and when my HB keeps quiet i just yell at him "WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE TALKING!! ARE U DUMB?!?!?! CAN U TELL ME HOW U FEEL!!!" Then he will start rattling and we will both sort out our thinking.

ABC
I am so shock to see ur post after i took my noon time nap.
I have no right to comment on anything but pls do not terminate ur pregnancy. Having a baby is a gift. As for ur HB, just calm down and think about what is the better alternative.

I had my scan earlier on. the sonographer couldnt detect the gender as the cord was blocking. She say there IS SOMETHING there BUT it MIGHT be the cord cause the cord is at that position thus me and HB got disappointed hahaha..
I should be at 14wks + however, i am back to 13wks.. Now EDD is at 24th March. Geez it is never correct.

Baby was moving the hands around and moving up and down. We could see the hands putting into the mouth and sucking the thumbs.
 
I am still having bad diarrhea. Already 5 times and i am feeling very thirsty but when i drink water i feel like vomiting. I dare not eat anything cause i am afraid to vomit.
 
ade,
so cute to see the baby sucking the thumbs.
happy.gif

the cutest moment during my scan was when the gynae wan to see between my baby's legs. The moment she tried to scan, the baby immediately closed the legs. luckily, i laughed and made some movement and my baby opened legs wide again.. nice baby. very cooperative. lucky. or else muz wait another 4 weeks in suspense.
 
<font color="aa00aa">hey mummies,
im keen to join the gathering too.

Gathering
venue: The Village at Heeren
date: 27 October 2007
time: 12 noon

Attendees:
1) Babypink (both can)
2) abcdisney
3) Linda
4) Kate (prefer sat, sunday only can come at 1pm)
5) Petrina
6) Babe Dude (Prefer Sat)
7) deremi (prefer sat)

for those mummies who hv been coughing,
my frenz told me take honey mix with warm water or ginger boil with water to make tea can relieve the coughing...no harm trying.

talking abt babe gender i prefer boy too...hee...</font>
 
Adeline, take care, drink water to prevent dehydration. I guess because you don't eat much, that's why u r back to 13wk. I'm going for my oscar scan tomorrow also 13 wk, hope there is a chance to identify gender.

abc, i rem u were the one who said hb has an affair. i don't believe that if he's busy, he has time for an affair?! oops, i shouldn't comment in this manner.

i think things will be easy if you do nt have children, but persisting a relationship for the sake of children - may not give you happiness in the long run.

u r really admirable. u hb shd really cherish u for that.

my hb is oso doing a career switch, and took a break from work for a long period to concentrate of making career plan and switch, but nothing like this happen.

i strongly believe communication is key to a relationship - it is not about cannot stand silence or don't want to nag him of wat - it's about communicating about your thoughts, your plans, have agreement, have consensus, have debates, throw ideas, and simply talking about dreams / or even fears. I think that's v important.

i believe marriage counselling is a good place to start.

take care.
 
i'm also coughing for a week already. but did not see doc, do you think coughing will wake up our baby if he/she is sleeping?

i bought lozenges and took them, there are some lozenges that are not suitable for expectant mums.

for now, i only buy from pharmist and insist that the medicine instruction mentions about safe for expectant mums.
 
abc, my heart goes out to you. i know this is not easy and your bb, girl and hubby all need you. pls be strong and even stronger...
 
<font color="0000ff">adeline</font>

hehe, the tot of baby sucking thumb inside tummy is so cute
happy.gif


<font color="0000ff">gathering</font>

the more the merrier
happy.gif
by then, all our morning sickness or whole day sickness should be over
 


Hi Babypink

Here's my info
Chewwy 1977 15 Mar 08 Dr Watt Raffles Hospital Pasir Ris 1st 80% Girl

Thanks for your help with the updating.
 
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