1. We've compiled a list of frequently asked questions and their answers at http://singaporemotherhood.com/forum/threads/faq-on-using-the-new-forum.21478/

! * * * * * * * * * *! What Can I Do To Stop Vietnam Mistress Entering Singapore?

Discussion in 'Matters Of The Heart' started by perplexed, Nov 10, 2011.

  1. perplexed

    perplexed New Member

    Any advice at all?? My hubby's Vietnamese mistress wants to come to Singapore to deliver baby when I'm still legally married to my hubby. I really can't stand by and watch it happen.
    I know her delivery sometime next Feb.
    If I don't divorce she can't legally deliver here right? Tried to contact ICA but very difficult to get through..
    Anyone knows anything???
    My hubby keeps telling me he's running out of time, needs to bring her here cos of his mistake done and wants to take up responsibility but I couldn't take it. I cannot let it happen!
     
  2. yoyokomama

    yoyokomama New Member

    oh dear Cindy, I am very sorry to hear these happening to you.

    But Can I know if you are able to take it even if he doesnt bring the mistress over? I meant abt this affair thingy.. [​IMG]

    I know its not easy to let go of the marriaged but you also have to think even if u can prevent her from coming in. Now that she is preg and once the bb is born theres many things that you cant change.

    Are you ablt to cope, if she doesnt even managed to come over. I belief even if they r not able to come over, ur hubby will take lifelong responsibility on them, such as paying all their maintainence.

    I am not too sure abt the ruling under ICA. But will be good to check around as much as you can. My husband had also had kinda affair too and I have a 2 yrs old gal...I had totally understand how you felt.

    Do take care.
     
  3. dimension

    dimension Active Member

    i dun think he can wor. she come here cannot be on permanent basis right? since she cannot marry ur hubby. so max she come here deliver baby then must go home? maybe u can seek legal advise?
     
  4. hugomum

    hugomum Active Member

    Hi Cindy,
    It must be hard on you now.
    Stay strong, I believe without any valid permit, she can only come to Singapore using social visit which is short.

    Please reassure your husband whether is this his final decision to allow this 小三 to invade into your marriage life, if he insist, please rethink of your future path.
     
  5. dimension

    dimension Active Member

    in the first place he so sure they r his kids?? he got do test or not? he go over so rarely easily bo others' kids. then make such threats, sound like a scam. she expose everything to who? tell him he can oso make it right by adopting the 2 kids lor. but my 2c is that this marriage isn't worth saving. divorce on grounds on infidelity and make him pay u n ur child alimony. u deserve it more than the mistresses lo

    if he give u grief about responsibility, his first responsibility should be to u and your son.

    on a side note, seriously sad to hear your plight. gravest sympathies. i hope u can work thru it
     
  6. lnhvuong

    lnhvuong New Member

    Hi Cindy, why must u divorce? It mean u grand their wish, my view is just stay still, as sh vn she cant stay here to give birth, even those she pay money o cone here to give birth but her son can't be Singaporean, so don't worry.once your hubby accept them, I believe ICA will give pr to her as she need to stay to look after baby, tha been happened too may case.if she got pr ,your nightmare will begin, hope u can think through of this.
     
  7. mummyandme

    mummyandme New Member

    Dear Cindy,

    Please refer to the link below:

    http://www.ica.gov.sg/page.aspx?pageid=237&secid=171

    In order to apply for coming here for delivery, that woman has to apply for permission and she will be asked to submit a marriage certificate. I am not sure if your hubby has legally married to her in Vietnam or not, so just to be at the safe side, you better go personally to ICA and inform them of this, and give them your hubby particular and your marriage certificate. By doing this, their application might be rejected. Really, you have to go personally to ICA to talk to the officers directly so that they will give you proper advise and guidance.

    Hope this help...... take good care ya...

    Hugs hugs!!!!
     
  8. jenbabe

    jenbabe Member

    Cindy,

    are u sure that the vietnamese gal is able to enter into singapore n give birth while on social visit pass? I thought there is some certain rules that those who are heavily pregnant or 8 to 9 months pregnant are not allowed to come into singapore n give birth here. it is common sense that most countries have the same rule for heavily pregnant visitors as well.
     
  9. jenbabe

    jenbabe Member

    to know abt the husband's affair is worse n terrible, i can understand how u feel as my husband is also having on going affair for almost two years and since sept to now, i still feel very painful as the knife is still stabbed right into my heart. anyway yours is much worst as the other woman is pregnant with your hubby's child.. real lost for words but u must be brave n prevent her from entering spore.

    hugs hugs!!!!
     
  10. quinbus9

    quinbus9 Member

    Stay strong and hope everything goes smoothly for you!
     
  11. zossamuel

    zossamuel Member

    Hi cindy,

    Pls do not give up and do not give up ur husband to the Vietnamese.it will make both of them happy,finally getting what they wanted.stay firm and do not let the woman come over.if she come over,that is the end of ur marriage.do consider twice.take care
     
  12. phoenix_sky31

    phoenix_sky31 New Member

    I would threaten to divorce him on grounds of adultery, make him pay alimony and divide his property and money. Get as much money from him as possible leaving him with no money for himself and his mistress. Do you think the mistress would still want him knowing that he has no money and place to stay? When he knows the consequences of divorcing you meant parting one whole chunk of his wealth he would still want to boldly bring her back? Ask him to forget about it or forget about his money.
     
  13. yoyokomama

    yoyokomama New Member

    Hi,

    May I know how long on ave a divorce will take if both have agreed to it, married for almost 8 yrs, custody belongs to me and with no flat issue?

    In such case, we can just have one lawyer to settle the work right.. Anyone could recommend me a reliable and cheaper one as I need to work within my tight budget... Those that are charging $$$/ hr for consultation seems very costly.
     
  14. trulylove

    trulylove Member

    You personally go to ICA and speak to an officer.
    If yr husband is legally married in Viet with that woman or bear yr husband's child then yr husband has committed a bigamy. This is a illegal.
    Ask the officer, what will ICA do if this woman try to enter Singapore to give birth.
     
  15. perplexed

    perplexed New Member

    Thanks for all your advise. Ever since he broke the news on Apr 16 my life had turned upside down and total nightmare, which is still ongoing daily.
    Here's what really happened. I find my case extremely ridiculous and disturbing.
    My husband confessed on Apr 16 he owed alot of debt on online gambling and wanted a divorce based on he doesn't want to burden me with his debt. I cried and begged telling him I will help and support him no matter what. He still insisted on divorcing, breaking down in tears. I sensed something wrong so i keep questioning. Turned out he's having an affair. His first words were "she's very special. She'll be of use to us in future in overseas investment. Can we all stay under one roof?" I was shocked. I went crazy. The affair started in Oct 2010. I broke down. Next he pacify me say he try to break up that side, give him 2 weeks to make sure that woman wasn't pregnant.. and settle this affair.Following week he said he's going NS service for 5 days. During this time no contact at all allowed. This NS thing has been going on for quite some time.. I didn't suspect. Maybe I was slow or I dont know, confused at that time to link the two. Anyway he went. Soon after he came back he said that woman is pregnant and ask me to accept that. He wants to shoulder the responsibility bcos he has to. He needs a divorce to get her over to deliver. He is a bankrupt and had a jail record of 3 months before in 2009 for leaving singapore w/o permission. I stood by him all the tough times in life. He kept saying as a bankrupt he can't bring over after delivery cos no way except divorce and deliver here in time to auto be singaporean. Said it's a boy. Turned out that woman is already pregnant for 4 months or so. Told me they had sex on 2nd meeting! That woman came to Singapore to study they met at a pub. She paid for MBS hotel for their tyrst. Subsequently end Nov he asked her to leave Singapore to avoid anyone knowing. By Dec she found out she's pregnant. She wants him to take up responsibility. He agreed. He said she due in Aug. But the real story starts here. Turned out that woman is another one in Vietnam! He got to know this 27 year old in singapore. Had sex. She went back Vietnam. He went over Vietnam everytime around 3-5 days on pretext of going NS service every 3-4 weeks. He got to know this 27 year old's niece who is 23 year old. So actually he know this 27 year old aunt first but he also had sex with her 23 year old niece in the same family! So it is this 23 year old niece whom he got to know later in Vietnam that is pregnant! Both the 23 year old and my husband kept the affair from the 27 year old! My husband is trying to get this pregnant 23 year old to Singapore to separate the 27 year old from finding out and potentially create chaos within the family. By his frequent trips there he had know the whole family clan and he knew if the elders found out they will not let him off. But I wouldn't divorce. I refused to because I do not want to let that homewrecker come to Singapore. As time drags on.. week after week, month after month, he finally said sometime in Aug that woman delivered a boy in Vietnam. I thought there could be some closure to this because I've been living in a nightmare everyday since Apr 16 and we still live together. Many times i thought of chasing him out but he would everyday said he still loves me and our son. He regrets but he has to take up the responsibility... he continued to visit those 2 women separately who lived an hour apart every 3 weeks for 3-5 days since I found out. I couldn't stop him. He would obtain block permission of a whole month from the bankruptcy office. So anytime he can leave to visit. After the trip in Aug he came back to reveal another nightmare which is--- the 27 year old is also pregnant and due in Mar 2012.
     
  16. jenbabe

    jenbabe Member

    hi cindy, what is a block permission of a whole month from the bankruptcy office? I am asking is that i also have the same story as yours minus the pregnancy. my hubby is also still "together" with the other woman but he refuses to div after woke up n realised i m still better than her. Still he wont end anything including contact with her..he is undischarged bankrupted too.

    i feel for u.. u must be suffering a lot and so helpless especially since the other women got his babies.
     
  17. jenbabe

    jenbabe Member

    this husband of yours could travel out of singapore, so i dunno the other ways to advise u.

    so either u bite the bullet n close eye to it or file divorce.
     
  18. perplexed

    perplexed New Member

    at this point of time i wouldn't say i was too shocked because i was numb from pain. So no solution. I had persevered and hoped all these while that he can somehow finally let go of that side but now it's impossible with 2 women there and 1 baby born and 1 more on its way... I dont know if there's any such cases in Singapore. I was just stumped. So the pressure starts again... pester me divorce everyday. But all these while he still very good to me.. say love me and son... I start to buy that. I believed he truly love me and all these ridiculous things he did out of folly stupidity.. whatever how ridiculous but he realised he only love me and son and those two women are really just responsibilites. He had bastardised things so bad he cannot run away from these responsibilities. I refused to divorce. Same again I don't want any to come to Singapore. During these months I lost my job bcos I couldn't concentrate and at the same time he's still gambling so lost all my savings and my credit card debt to 7k bcos to help him and our family expenses. He lost alot of his pay to debts. A month after I post the 1st thread he had a divorce draft ready - reason cited it was my unruly behaviour that caused our divorce. He said the lawyer told him if he's the one who pays the fees the lawyer represents him so he must cite a reason against me. He cannot choose adultery bcos that will drag 8-9 months and time is running out. He begged and at times lost temper to get me to sign but I wouldn't. So everyday at time would be one moment very good next if pressured it turn into a nightmare. He said the build up to his infidelity is because i was bad to him. I controlled him too much in the past. He had been very good to me, very loving to me but i was too possessive. He felt suffocated. He wants out. So he committed adultery to push himself out of this marriage. But all these time he never voiced out his thoughts or frustration. I thought nothing's wrong. In fact I had started a new job and was happily living my life thinking how happy life was until his confession. I questioned him how come he never tell me his concerns. He's very skillful at sweet talk and can hide his feelings so well so on surface still very good and tolerant to me but secretly harbour all the resentment which I really didn't notice. Im the kind I lost temper fast but cooled fast too. I don't bottle my feelings. Open like a book. He's opposite.
    Time drags on... I met that 27 year old in Vietnam when i went over. Said my husband lied to her from beginning telling her he's not married. Later confessed he's divorced but it's all lies. At one point my husband said in front of us he still loves me but he wants to take up the responsibility to the unborn.
     
  19. quinbus9

    quinbus9 Member

    I hate to say this but really this guy isn't worth your tears. Save yourself because he's not likely to treat you any better if you insist on sticking on with him!
     
  20. perplexed

    perplexed New Member

    Now.. even at this point of writing, that 27 year old is in Singapore. She came yesterday. My husband thought I would divorce by the day before but I didn't. He planned her coming cos he said time really running out. If sign now, it takes abt 2 months to generate the divorce and he needs to do many paperwork incl going Vietnam embassy, going ICA to apply, etc.. and then he thought he could bring her to Singapore to stay with his father and grandma. His father's history is similar. Divorced and remarried but divorced again. Know what happened? Just a few days ago he found out the flat the dad n grandma staying was sold! So if he brings her here they've nowhere to stay! Cos he no money! Now im not working every month his pay comes in paid household expenses, go casino ship and lost to gambling.. he has no money! except to get pay advance from company.. even yesterday after that woman came he had to approach his friend and very reluctantly from his friend put up for the next few days at his friend's family flat. She sleeps with the friend mother in bedroom while he sleeps on sofa. Even until just now he still pester me to sign today.
     
  21. jenbabe

    jenbabe Member

    sound like my hubby too and i am exactly same as u, in term of temper, etc.

    oh well frankly ur hubby is much worst than my dad.. hmmm he also got me illegalimate siblings too. i dun recognise them as my sisters as well.. My mum suffered the worst and we stood by her thru this phrase. and finally dad woke up n treats mum much better than before although he still has to do his part n responsbility for other women. no choice but at least they cannot enter singapore.
     
  22. jenbabe

    jenbabe Member

    cindy, be strong and dun give in... try to delay for longer as u can.. make his life a living hell.
     
  23. perplexed

    perplexed New Member

    i started writing on this thread again out of the fact i go become insane from all these. Forced myself to let go already but its the emotions, why i so stupid to cling on to him based on love alone... and he said love me only.. oh my god.. right now he said he may need to run away from singapore cos no more time left. I met that woman again last nite and asked all the questions i had in my heart and mind. In a way it freed me. He said the one he loves is me in front of her. He no love her. She accepts cos she said she penniless (by the way my husband said took money from her also, amounts sgd 30000+) and now pregnant no means to work and all her family know about them so she's sticking to him. Yesterday nite I also told her everything I know including the niece affair and baby is my husband's. She's shocked but on the spot she also accepted that!! Maybe Vietnamese women are like that... I dont know.. All along I cannot accept but only reason i cling on is my husband insists love me only so i always thought got hope. But now...
     
  24. perplexed

    perplexed New Member

    should i divorce? the reason was he couldn't live with me anymore bcos of my behaviour. The clauses are: full custody of my son is mine, he pays alimony to me $500 til my son 21 yr old, he pays $800 to my son for maintenance til 21 yr old. He pays all household expenses. The flat is under his and my mother in law's name. My mother in law is on my side. If flat sold, 50% of his share goes to me. I still stay in this flat with my son, he cannot sell w/o my permission for 8 years, he cannot bring another female back, he cannot reside here.
    Then a call from him just now - said if I sign today, he can give me $600 a month for everything. Cos he needs to survive with that woman after divorce. So the clauses are "flexible" in his eyes, his so called amicable terms are $500+$800+$500(hsehold exps)= $1800 just figures. In actual term he hope i can help him. I help him by divorcing so he can bring the woman over to singapore, after divorce the woman don't mind him seeing us once a week.. after divorce I can get a flat of my own to let him and that woman stay while i stay in this 5-rm flat with my son, after divorce we still help each other, like if he's financially stranded i can help... or come to me for advice for anything cos the Vietnam woman seems not very intelligent or eloquent.
    CAN I DIVORCE BASED ON ABOVE?
     
  25. perplexed

    perplexed New Member

    Rainbowsky - thanks much for your sharing. Block permission is example end of Nov, he applied online for Dec's 1-31 to leave Singapore. So any day within the month he can leave, based on "work".
     
  26. jenbabe

    jenbabe Member

    cindy? if i were u, the answer is NO!!!!!! call me selfish.. but i wont let any women take advantage of me.

    i see.. now i understand.. dun worry i can understand how u truly felt as i went thru a living nightmare and truly hellish time for many months already and now is 2012.. i just feel it is time to move on without a such motherf@@ker. he is not worth my efforts, time n $$$$..

    if possible, PROTECT YOUR INTEREST AND YOUR CHILDREN INTEREST FIRST.
     
  27. perplexed

    perplexed New Member

    He just called me. Said timeline too late. Said everytime i drag he let me. Everything i want him to do he did but not enough now caused him to miss timeline. Said he's going to tender resignation and leave next week with the woman since singapore has no kin left. Asked me to take care of my son and get job asap. Nothing he can do anymore
     
  28. lasery2k

    lasery2k Member

    Hi Cindy,

    some experience i had thru my sister husband. not as much a jerk but good enough to be call one by me coz he cheated and also $$ involved are huge..

    felt sry for you, but to me it's no point clinging on to him as he's not a float. he's more like a sinking ship.

    Singapore laws:

    1) can apply through court if u suspect the husband is having a adultary and divorce is instant.
    2) ask for yr child sole custody and protection if he's violent or threathen to u.
    3) ask for alimony & also maintenance fee for yrself and your son.
    4) keep all documents of his bank account and also his travel doc photocopied if possible as evidence in court.
    5) if after court and divorce, the judge will based on how much he's earning and give a reasonable amout for him to be given monthly to you.
    6) if he delay payments / give lesser by $1 ask for it and make sure he give it. else can inform the court they payment is delayed and not in full amount. the court will issue letters for you and if he's charged, he would need to be jail. sry to say some dickers need the law to teach them a lesson.
    7) singapore judge are not as nice as they seems to be in this days towards the male when comes to divored and adultary.

    hope you will note the point above and see if it helps.
     
  29. pippabebe

    pippabebe New Member

    HI Cindy

    For Pete's sake, DUMP THIS DEMON and find your true HAPPINESS!

    For all you knopw he make up story just to get rid of you so he can play around with these girls. The girls are also stupid to cling on this man since they knew he has been telling lies all these while. Doesn't make sense that they still want to keep baby.

    "...can hide his feelings so well so on surface still very good and tolerant to me but secretly harbour all the resentment which I really didn't notice. Im the kind I lost temper fast but cooled fast too. I don't bottle my feelings. Open like a book. He's opposite. ..." .... this sound so much like my spouse too and I;m like you, forget fast. Realised MEN are very petty indeed.

    I truly understand your nightmare... I am also giving my spouse chances and chances to repent and stop chatting up with girls online and getting their numbers to chat on cell and meet up.... I really dont know if he has dont any further beside chatting but my trust for him from 100% shot down to Zero.

    Anyway back to your situation, this man really not worth you holding bad your future. he is a LOSER and dieing to married a not so not intelligent or eloquent girl and still need your help,.... I say "pls be my guest!"

    For all you know he will be shock by your respond.

    Tell him you dont want to be burdened by his irresponsible actions.

    I hope you find your happiness soon. You will. All people do when they are willing to let go and move on.

    If your case is not so complicating, then my advice will be hold on your spouse and enlighten him and hope he comes back and repent on his deed.
     
  30. mehui

    mehui New Member

    Hope you find happiness soon no matter which decision you take. Saddening to read about all these[​IMG]
     
  31. hifive

    hifive New Member

    how come a man in bankruptcy can travel? In debts still got money to fly overseas?

    <font size="-2">"full custody of my son is mine, he pays alimony to me $500 til my son 21 yr old, he pays $800 to my son for maintenance til 21 yr old. He pays all household expenses. The flat is under his and my mother in law's name. My mother in law is on my side. If flat sold, 50% of his share goes to me. I still stay in this flat with my son, he cannot sell w/o my permission for 8 years, he cannot bring another female back, he cannot reside here."</font>

    Above clause and terms sounded fair BUT ONCE HE LEAVES SPORE, HE'S FREE LIKE A BIRD, NOBODY CAN RUN AFTER HIM FOR MONEY (alimony).

    A son is still a mother's flesh and blood, no matter how bad he is. Not sure yr mum-in-law will sway. That 50% may not be yours if no black and white written or indicated in divorce paper! Money can cause a man to be crazy and fight hard for it.

    This kind of person with loose banana should suffer retribution.

    <font color="119911">Now, if a house cost $350,000 is sold and you really see 50% of it reflected in your bank account, ask that loose banana to forever disappear from your life. Ask that loose banana to write his 'crimes' or record a video (secretly if he refused to write) so that your son or other people can't twist fact and spoil your relationship when he grows up.</font>

    Those Viet women so easily got bedded by that loose banana, can he be sure he's the owner of the 'product'?

    <font color="0000ff">Life still goes on. How you want to live, how to make yourself and son happy, you're the decision maker. I have seen a few single mums who bought up their children well. Tough to be single mums but life is bad with an unsupportive and uncaring cheater.</font>
    Good luck!
     
  32. sweetjasmine

    sweetjasmine New Member

    Cindy, my heart goes out to you.

    If I am in your shoes, I will run as far away from this man as I can. Please go record down whatever crap this guy is saying to you from now on. If he wants to promise anything, put down in writing with thumbprint and signature.

    Get a job fast so custody is never a doubt.

    Instead of him coming out with his divorce criteria, name your settlement request. In no way is the divorce going to be your fault. The reason is going down as his adultery or non contribution (financially and morally) to the family or irrevocable differences (at worst).

    If he refused, you have recordings of his adultery to force his hand.

    In such circumstances, we need to use our head instead of our heart because using our heart will lead to more misery for us women.

    Take care and hope you find your own solution soon.
     
  33. jojo_munchy

    jojo_munchy New Member

    Hi Cindy..

    Be strong..I had gone through a hard time too since my baby is born &amp; my ex had left me &amp; baby for a PRC!!

    Why our country is accepting this kinda of slut to enter into Singapore to create social problems &amp; destroy our family????

    Cindy go all the way to fight this through...

    I did stupid things that also can't change that jerk mind to come back for this family or for the sake of the baby.

    You need to have friends &amp; family supports to get through this.

    It difficult to face it alone..

    Pls take good care &amp; be strong for your sake!

    Regards
    Jo
     
  34. linda_ang

    linda_ang New Member

    My gf was married since 2009. 21 feb... And last year have there wedding dinner 20-03-11. Yet thing change after all. I feel like a nightmare on. After meet this getai Chen Xiao xin and thing happend a broken married of them. Husband and Xiao xin getai singer was together up to hurt the wife deep deep by there stupid way. Keep sent the wife photo and SMS of them thing to make the wife cannt take it. I understand my gf pain inside her heart. She knw her husband since 2003 for 9 year . Yet treat her this way both of them use to be very close fre and stay in same location of there house. My gf happend her sickness now husband leave her and hurt her this way how a women could take all this by her ownself. She cannt slp and eat worry and scare of all those thing the husband and the Xiao xin wan to do to her. Why must treat my gf this sad way when my gf so in love deep with we husband for 9 year love. Husband beat my gf for more then 6 time up even end in hospital b4. But my gf forgive him few time and stil with him. Yet hurt a 软的女人.. Even my gf chose to be forgive her husband that time when she find up got this Xiao xin . She told alot of fre even infornt of her husband and the women . She stil hope her husband to be back and save the marriage. Husband fre told my gf dnt be silly women this kind of man forget about it not use anymore. How he hurt u we are guy see Liao also not happy. Even the husband knw very well wife love him so much and he stil make way to hurt my gf more deep . When my gf with her husband time her husband is no money de. My gf dnt mind spent with him together all those hard time an nv leave him stil chose to marry him. Together dem those wind wind rain rain time. Then thing change. Husband got money Liao treat her like hell spent his money on the women and buy her lv bag Rolex watch Gucci shoe and go japan holiday. When my gf apply for money in family court husband say no money all this and tt yet stil can bring tt women go Japan holiday . This kind of husband see the way he did to my gf yet stil make her til no way.
     
  35. linda_ang

    linda_ang New Member

    dear mommyy....did u all saw the new paper top new bout getai chen xiao xin ...my gf husband with this singer chen xiao xin .....
     
  36. jenbabe

    jenbabe Member

    post the new paper link here
     
  37. nelle_nelle

    nelle_nelle New Member

    Any link.?

    How are things, Lin Lee?

    Kudos to all the ladies who are strong for their children's sake! Women have so much more strength in them than men....
     
  38. aud0406hotmailcom

    aud0406hotmailcom New Member

    Posted on Thursday, March 08, 2012 - 12:25 pm:  
    Hi ladies,I totally understand how you all feel cos I've been through it last Oct. I'm married to him for 10yrs.. Trying very hard for a bb. The best part was it happens during my IVF!!! 
    Everyday,on the pretext of working late,he'd be back only at 5am in time to give me my injection. During this time,I got bruises on my tummy cos of the injection.. Not a word of concern. I still think it's worth it!! Know wat,3 to 4 injection every morning. It's not easy but I endure. I even manage to drive myself to the hospital to take out the embryo and drive myself back aft the procedure AND putting them back 3days later(all under sedation)!! 
    Why I did it myself?? Cos I thought he finished work at 5am so being a thoughtful wife,let him sleep late.. But never never expected he was not out working but nightclub instead!!! Every night aft work!! Of cos with the company of PRC clubgirls!! 
    I just find that I'm so dumb! So stupid! I go through so much pain and yet he still does this!! Actually I'm very lucky. 
    Cos one of the PRC woman called his fren and was caught by his wife! Then,the wife called to inform me. 
    War broke out. I wanted to divorce but he refused and said he still loves me. As for the PRC,jus to pass time n singing companion.. I'm like living in hell.. Then I realized why his Hp was always on silence mode.. 
    Nowadays,I keep a very close eye on him. No more like before. He used to have all the freedom he wants but not anymore.. I told my husband,if he is caught again,I'd publish his and the woman's pic on the papers!! To shame them. Nowadays,whenever I see PRC,especially nearby a ktv or pub,I feel very agitated cos the trust is no more there.
     
  39. nelle_nelle

    nelle_nelle New Member

    These kind of overseas sex workers and hostesses have broken up a lot of marriages and relationships. These women have little qualms about the wrong they do. They have little sense of right and wrong, not to mention integrity.

    Not all overseas women are bad. There are those who work hard and try their best to provide for themselves and their families in the midst of difficult economic situations.

    There are many who come on social visit passes and they peddle massages and sex. They advertise online even openly.

    Check your husband's or beau's Internet history. If he always deletes everything, that may be a warning sign.
     
  40. nelle_nelle

    nelle_nelle New Member

    If he doesn't allow you access, hmmm........
     
  41. nelle_nelle

    nelle_nelle New Member

    A lot of men start small. Maybe, it starts with a thought, an idea, or a conversation where their friends talked about such things, or the Internet, and then they progress on and on to bigger things.

    Power of thought and influence...
     
  42. nelle_nelle

    nelle_nelle New Member

    One of my friend's marriage just broke down because she found that the husband has an illegitimate child by a PRC woman.

    A few years ago, it happened to another friend too. Same situation. The PRC woman got pregnant.

    These woman are often smarter than we think they are. Coz they are desperate and with no values reigning them in, they hurt other women and their children who are totally innocent.
     
  43. mehui

    mehui New Member

    Oh dear... yes, these women are manipulative and cunning. Just overheard one teaching her friend how to tackle guy and get him to buy expensive gift on the mrt last week. She was too loud to not-overhear what she said. "If he say this... you say this... then he has no choice... if he still say this... then you say... you should get what you want very soon..." Makes my blood boil when I see dodgy men sneaking about on weekends and off-peak hours with these hookers and what-not. I wonder if the men who stray can see the 'pattern' in these women's behaviour and their lowness?? Or are they too blinded by lust/beauty?

    Hope you will all stay strong for the sake of your kids and make the most appropriate decisions that's best for the family/yourselves.
     
  44. tewig

    tewig Member

    Hi,

    Cindy, are you financially independent? I know there is 'gan qing', but this man has been a curse in your life. He really doesn't deserve you. Leave, and get as much as you can before he pulls you down underwater.

    Wishing you all the best. stay strong.
     
  45. aud0406hotmailcom

    aud0406hotmailcom New Member

    Hi Nelle,I'm someone that's not very good w computers.. There is no way I can check his stuffs too if he uses his off computer which is really common.. Recently one of my gf thought me the goodness of watsapp!! (jus see how dumb I m. Jus know how to use watsapp!) I use it to check on him n his whereabouts.. And I really do it very frequent especially when the clock hits 6pm.. Sigh..
     
  46. aud0406hotmailcom

    aud0406hotmailcom New Member

    Hi Mehui,u are right,some PRC are really hardworking.. But only handful of them.. Used to know 1 that's really hardworking.. And she really change my conception on PRC but aft my hubsand's incident,I hate PRC!!
     
  47. kayliz

    kayliz Member

    dear all, pls be strong! i read your stories and i really feel injustice for all of u. i am not in the position to give any advise but if these things happen to me, i will get a divorce with everything to my benefit.
    after divorce, sell the house and get the money. rent another flat, stay with your parents, or whatever it takes but leave the house and bad memories.
    a lot of arrangements need to be made but get it over and done with.
    i know that u stay with your hubby because u do not want him to have his way or let the woman come over easily.. but isnt it tiring to always be on your toes to monitor his activity?
    knowing that his heart is not fully with u, why still cling on to the relationship? do u believe a man's words? if he can commit adultery once, what makes u think he won't do it again?
    i will never want to get near a dirty man again.

    i read about someone who refused to divorce the hubby. and it order to make her do so, he brought the other woman home to have sex in front of her.
    yet this person can still close one eye and pretend nothing happened. why?!
    Let go.... the moment u let go, do not care about him or the other woman. how happy they will be when u "surrender", is none of your concern. just pretend they are dead.
    live your life to the fullest, get a job, focus on your kids. one day u will emerge happier and free. don't suffer mentally.
     
  48. tinklestar

    tinklestar Member

    I feel sorry for you.

    Personally I would divorce him, claim alimony and maintenance and made him pay back all that I have paid for his debts if I have documentary proof. I feel he has not shown you love. No one wants to hurt a love one which is what he is doing and he did it knowing you are hurt.ever told my husband, before you commit infidelity, think of me and my hurt.

    Chinese says there are 4 vices: gluttony, drinking, gambling and fooling around with women. He already has 3 not to mention irresponsibility and infidelity towards you. for all you know, he could have used your money to eat well with his mistresses. And sometimes, let's be honest, it is easy to vocalise love but showing action by love is hard. And he could be using your softness to get you to financially support him and his mistresses.

    I am sure you can support yourself and your child if you divorce, just make sure you don't sign any documents stating what financial and asset division terms you agree to unless it is all to your benefit, such as house belonging fully to you. You will actually live better without him and might find a better guy to love and cherish you.
     
  49. blueblur

    blueblur New Member

    rainbowsky, are u divorce?
     
  50. jenbabe

    jenbabe Member

    nope not yet. still separated unofficially. ^o^
     
  51. jenbabe

    jenbabe Member

    blur, why?
     
  52. blueblur

    blueblur New Member

    u giving him a chance or waiting for the right time? how long u are separated
     
  53. jenbabe

    jenbabe Member

    50-50.. undecisive... right time for ???
     
  54. blueblur

    blueblur New Member

    ask wan to know. as my husband also betray me. just wan to know whether should i forgive him or let go. if u don't mind, just getting some ideas here.
     
  55. jenbabe

    jenbabe Member

    i see.. thought u knew me too.. so sorry i got a scare.

    well at first i was in great pain for the past half year and yes i have been praying a lot and can feel peace n restoration flowing into my heart and release all the pain, wounds, bitterness and anger out of the heart.

    from what i read in the book "the power of prayers on marriage",

    1)forgive and move on
    2)forgive and let go.

    at first of all, i am a christian (no offence here), and i thought divorce is a sin before God's eye but later on i realised divorce can be given since the spouse heart is sort of hardened already and can be lying thru their teeth and what can i do? can i tell him to f@@# off???? no rite, so of cos i still love my husband but he has a different idea and sadly he still wants to stay on with the other woman despites my pleas..
    stay tog with her for over 2 years....

    so i chose to forgive him and forget abt everything. separated for 2.5 mths.

    blur , i dun know much abt your situation.. perhaps u can follow your heart and think what u want to do? forgiveness is the hardest thing to do of cos, and u need time to overcome your griefs and denial before u can be ready to forgive your spouse n the end is something personal u want to decide for your marriage.
     
  56. september

    september Active Member

    ladies,

    I got ROM in May 2005 and our customary was in Oct 2006. Then In May 2006 a mth before our photoshoot, he confess his affair with a local gal (very young gal in her early twenties) Things was shitty but I choose to go ahead with our wedding and stay with him.

    Then after delivering my boy in 2008, I discovered he chat online with gals, indecent chat ok. But still I stay on with the marriage after he begged.

    For me i went to thru hell...and I really mean hell. It was only recently, think sometime last yr then I was really ok lor.

    Cindy, how are u? I can understand how u feel although it will nv be totally.

    ladies, even though I hv "recovered" but like mended broken mirror, crack is alway there.

    I do not mind listening to you all if you all need a listening ears ya.

    u can email me at magical_rabbit@hotmail.com
     
  57. ynot

    ynot Member

    Hope what my contribute can help,

    My friend who file for a divorce recently, she ask the lawyer to write the one term &amp; condition that is the house has to fully belong to her not even need to return the CPF which the husband has been contribute (this very important)if she sell the house.
     
  58. nelle_nelle

    nelle_nelle New Member

    Yes, this is a good one. I had a friend who ask for the entire house plus another property plus a new car plus a lump sum payment. And she succeeded.

    Classic...
     
  59. carolineteo

    carolineteo New Member

    Hi Everyone,

    Last year around Feb/March i realised my husband had been having sex with 2 Vietnamese girls. I have kicked him out of the house but my 2 daughters cry everyday and couldnt concentrate in School. After 2 months, i have signed an agreement with him and he agreed he wont do it again.

    Recently i spot checked on him, he is still with 1 of the vietnamese girl and every other night he will find excuses to go out for long hours.

    I am very tired with our relationship and i wanted a divorce. But there are so many external factors that pull me back. Firstly, he has very good relationship with my family members and most importantly he is a handyman at home. So my family members disapproved my decision. Secondly my daughter is taking O level this year and i am afraid this will affect her result. Thirdly I have just moved into an enblock. If i would divorce, i cannot buy over that flat, HDB will buy over at cost.

    I have spoke with him twice and he has promised to change but never. Most of the time, he will see her in the afternoon so he thought that i wont find out.

    I am lost now. Do i have to tolerate for 5 years till i can get my flat transferred? Or Should i wait for my girl to finish her O'level? Please give me your view. Thanks
     
  60. tinklestar

    tinklestar Member

    You can wait til she finishes old levels or else just file for separation. Personally, I think if the relationship is bad, staying together might just make things worse. Unless you are very sure both can maintain a happy family relationship and mend the relationship in front your kids, it's pointless to stay together.children these days are too smart to be fooled.Do what you think is best for the children and yourself. I believe most mothers are willing to sacrifice for the children.

    Main thing is, reassure your gals that you love them and that whatever is happening has nothing to do with them..

    Children suffers the most.
     

Share This Page