Support group - Miscarriages


Fauzieanah Binte Juraimi said:
Everybody in my family is giving birth soon.. Everybody noes deir babies' gender all last wk... Sigh... I feel like im e only one left..
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I understand what you are going through now. I been there before during my first mc. Both my SILs got preggy with me too, all 1-2 mths apart only. But only I end up mc, both their babies are healthy now. Initially, I felt very sad and feel so unfair, its my first pregnancy and it took me 2 yrs to conceive. For them, pregnancies are very easy, its both their second pregnancies, moreover its planned pregnancy as they deliberately wanted dragon babies.

It took me a while to walk out of it. I even stopped doing my freelance job for many months as I got to see infants. But now I learnt to turn the negative vibes to positive. I walked out bravely to face the infants. I used them as my motivation to carry on the ttc journey that one day I will hold my own rainbow baby too. Now I can play and have fun with the infants at ease, the only downside is facing both my SILs babies, cos they just reminded me too much of my unborn child, as they are of the same age.

Be strong, my dear. You can walk out of this too.
 
princessleopard said:
I understand what you are going through now. I been there before during my first mc. Both my SILs got preggy with me too, all 1-2 mths apart only. But only I end up mc, both their babies are healthy now. Initially, I felt very sad and feel so unfair, its my first pregnancy and it took me 2 yrs to conceive. For them, pregnancies are very easy, its both their second pregnancies, moreover its planned pregnancy as they deliberately wanted dragon babies.

It took me a while to walk out of it. I even stopped doing my freelance job for many months as I got to see infants. But now I learnt to turn the negative vibes to positive. I walked out bravely to face the infants. I used them as my motivation to carry on the ttc journey that one day I will hold my own rainbow baby too. Now I can play and have fun with the infants at ease, the only downside is facing both my SILs babies, cos they just reminded me too much of my unborn child, as they are of the same age.

Be strong, my dear. You can walk out of this too.
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ya man, I see my friends who got pregnant same time as me during my first time, only 2 weeks apart, the baby turning 3 this year in sep I also dam sian. but im so happy for them, the babies are so cute.

haha now toddler liao. and recent chem preg also makes me very sad, I see my sis-in-law tummy growing bigger each day, when I shd only be abt 4-6 weeks diff from her. the feeling really sucks. then like u say, we just have to be strong :) but u really very brave to work with all the infants, haha I think I will go crazy
 
hopeful_mum said:
ya man, I see my friends who got pregnant same time as me during my first time, only 2 weeks apart, the baby turning 3 this year in sep I also dam sian. but im so happy for them, the babies are so cute.

haha now toddler liao. and recent chem preg also makes me very sad, I see my sis-in-law tummy growing bigger each day, when I shd only be abt 4-6 weeks diff from her. the feeling really sucks. then like u say, we just have to be strong :) but u really very brave to work with all the infants, haha I think I will go crazy
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Ya, this kind of feeling is really terrible. But time can heal slowly. Working around the infants is fine now, only the SILs babies, cos we knew they are about the same as our baby, so when you see them grew up, its kinda hurtful. I dun like that kind of reminder.

Actually this freelance job was by luck, I was planning ttc then, so I googling what is good for baby, then saw the infant massage and was amazed by the benefits it can brings to infants. So, I went for it and became an instructor. It was meant for my baby actually, but after attending the course, I thought it will be so nice to help other parents too.
 
princessleopard said:
Ya, this kind of feeling is really terrible. But time can heal slowly. Working around the infants is fine now, only the SILs babies, cos we knew they are about the same as our baby, so when you see them grew up, its kinda hurtful. I dun like that kind of reminder.

Actually this freelance job was by luck, I was planning ttc then, so I googling what is good for baby, then saw the infant massage and was amazed by the benefits it can brings to infants. So, I went for it and became an instructor. It was meant for my baby actually, but after attending the course, I thought it will be so nice to help other parents too.
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ur heart is so big, im sure god will bless you with as many children you want :)
 
princessleopard said:
I hope so too. Hope god will bless us children after we pass his tests. I always think positively that we are the chosen ones where he wants to give us more strength and be better parents. :)
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ya I think we will be, as we will treasure them more. lol I just hope I don't spoil my kids! i think we also will have tendency to spoil them compare to other parents becoz we will treasure them super much hahaha
 
hopeful_mum said:
ya I think we will be, as we will treasure them more. lol I just hope I don't spoil my kids! i think we also will have tendency to spoil them compare to other parents becoz we will treasure them super much hahaha
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Just got to constantly remind ourselves not to spoil them. One of my relative had 2 mc before, so she really spolit her kids now. She will be my reminder in future not to spoil my kids. I am more worried that my hubby will spoil kids. But luckily we had talk it out, he will not interfere how to educate my kids. For us, we have to be VERY firm on this, cos both side of our families will definitely spoilt my kids. My hubby is the first son of the family, and my side my child will be the firstborn of the 4th generation. So stressful! :)
 
princessleopard said:
Just got to constantly remind ourselves not to spoil them. One of my relative had 2 mc before, so she really spolit her kids now. She will be my reminder in future not to spoil my kids. I am more worried that my hubby will spoil kids. But luckily we had talk it out, he will not interfere how to educate my kids. For us, we have to be VERY firm on this, cos both side of our families will definitely spoilt my kids. My hubby is the first son of the family, and my side my child will be the firstborn of the 4th generation. So stressful! :)
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hahaha i think i will be the one spoiling them. last time i think must be strict, now my heart has a super soft spot coz of all the miscarriages. my hubby believes in punishment type, so i don't know. now need to wait to have a kid first then i can decide to spoil or not. lol

u still seeing dr su? think im going to see her this weekend.
 
hopeful_mum said:
hahaha i think i will be the one spoiling them. last time i think must be strict, now my heart has a super soft spot coz of all the miscarriages. my hubby believes in punishment type, so i don't know. now need to wait to have a kid first then i can decide to spoil or not. lol

u still seeing dr su? think im going to see her this weekend.
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Ya, sometimes you will know what to do when it comes. haha
I dun believe in punishment, I am more into reasoning. Occupational hazards...haha. But seeing all those news about the childcare incidents, I am seriously considering home-schooled.

Yup, I just went to see her this week. Finally she said my 'qi' is improving. So happy, the result of quitting job, rest more, sleep in more. :)
 
princessleopard said:
Ya, sometimes you will know what to do when it comes. haha
I dun believe in punishment, I am more into reasoning. Occupational hazards...haha. But seeing all those news about the childcare incidents, I am seriously considering home-schooled.

Yup, I just went to see her this week. Finally she said my 'qi' is improving. So happy, the result of quitting job, rest more, sleep in more. :)
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that's good news! at least it paid off that health is improving :)
hahaha ya i also think reasoning is good. hmm home sch good idea too. but i tink some cases are one off just unfortunate the poor kid has to go through it. good for kids to have interaction outside also.
 
hopeful_mum said:
that's good news! at least it paid off that health is improving :)
hahaha ya i also think reasoning is good. hmm home sch good idea too. but i tink some cases are one off just unfortunate the poor kid has to go through it. good for kids to have interaction outside also.
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Yup. At least some good news on health after so long.
I think can still go for enrichment or play classes, to interact with other kids, but now really got fear to leave them entirely to childcare for a full day. I am just too paranoid..hahah
 
princessleopard said:
I understand what you are going through now. I been there before during my first mc. Both my SILs got preggy with me too, all 1-2 mths apart only. But only I end up mc, both their babies are healthy now. Initially, I felt very sad and feel so unfair, its my first pregnancy and it took me 2 yrs to conceive. For them, pregnancies are very easy, its both their second pregnancies, moreover its planned pregnancy as they deliberately wanted dragon babies.

It took me a while to walk out of it. I even stopped doing my freelance job for many months as I got to see infants. But now I learnt to turn the negative vibes to positive. I walked out bravely to face the infants. I used them as my motivation to carry on the ttc journey that one day I will hold my own rainbow baby too. Now I can play and have fun with the infants at ease, the only downside is facing both my SILs babies, cos they just reminded me too much of my unborn child, as they are of the same age.

Be strong, my dear. You can walk out of this too.
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Thankz.. Im reli tearing..
 
Fauzienah for me its a yes :) but others mayb not...dats y i hav to go for spiritually cleaning. Hopefully nothing happens the next tyme round.

Ladies after D&C, my first menses, i am stil bleeding after 9 days. Normally by now my menses shuld hav stopped. Guess gone haywire oreadi. :(
 
nurul_huda said:
Fauzienah for me its a yes :) but others mayb not...dats y i hav to go for spiritually cleaning. Hopefully nothing happens the next tyme round.

Ladies after D&C, my first menses, i am stil bleeding after 9 days. Normally by now my menses shuld hav stopped. Guess gone haywire oreadi. :(
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its like this. after my first D&C, i bled for abt 2weeks and more.
 
hi all, i'm a newbie here.
i went through a mc last year in end March....and then my marriage of 4 years failed. so, had a lot to deal with last year. currently, going through separation and eventually divorce.
sometimes i get pretty envious of people/friends/colleagues/ex-colleagues around me who are getting pregnant or given birth. seeing strangers walking by with big bellies won't escape my eyes too.
i guess in due time i will be able to start my new family and bear many children (i want 3. LOL). by that time I'm already 33. hope I can get pregnant as soon as possible once I re-marry.
 
nurul_huda said:
Fauzienah for me its a yes :) but others mayb not...dats y i hav to go for spiritually cleaning. Hopefully nothing happens the next tyme round.

Ladies after D&C, my first menses, i am stil bleeding after 9 days. Normally by now my menses shuld hav stopped. Guess gone haywire oreadi. :(
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I think probably its normal, after D&C, I bleed on and off for about 3 weeks. For natural mc, it was about a week.
 
Mira835 said:
hi all, i'm a newbie here.
i went through a mc last year in end March....and then my marriage of 4 years failed. so, had a lot to deal with last year. currently, going through separation and eventually divorce.
sometimes i get pretty envious of people/friends/colleagues/ex-colleagues around me who are getting pregnant or given birth. seeing strangers walking by with big bellies won't escape my eyes too.
i guess in due time i will be able to start my new family and bear many children (i want 3. LOL). by that time I'm already 33. hope I can get pregnant as soon as possible once I re-marry.
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Sorry to hear what you are going through.

Hope everything go smooth for you. :)
 
Mira835 said:
hi all, i'm a newbie here.
i went through a mc last year in end March....and then my marriage of 4 years failed. so, had a lot to deal with last year. currently, going through separation and eventually divorce.
sometimes i get pretty envious of people/friends/colleagues/ex-colleagues around me who are getting pregnant or given birth. seeing strangers walking by with big bellies won't escape my eyes too.
i guess in due time i will be able to start my new family and bear many children (i want 3. LOL). by that time I'm already 33. hope I can get pregnant as soon as possible once I re-marry.
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life is nvr as smooth as we want it to be, but if you are at your lowest now, the only way it can go is UP. so keep your chin up and things will turn for better! jia you!
 
nurul_huda said:
Fauzienah for me its a yes :) but others mayb not...dats y i hav to go for spiritually cleaning. Hopefully nothing happens the next tyme round.

Ladies after D&C, my first menses, i am stil bleeding after 9 days. Normally by now my menses shuld hav stopped. Guess gone haywire oreadi. :(
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For mine.. I did not do D&C.. I took Cytotec at hm... Bled for more den 2wks..
 
hopeful_mum said:
ya man, I see my friends who got pregnant same time as me during my first time, only 2 weeks apart, the baby turning 3 this year in sep I also dam sian. but im so happy for them, the babies are so cute.

haha now toddler liao. and recent chem preg also makes me very sad, I see my sis-in-law tummy growing bigger each day, when I shd only be abt 4-6 weeks diff from her. the feeling really sucks. then like u say, we just have to be strong :) but u really very brave to work with all the infants, haha I think I will go crazy
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My sis just gave birth n now on confinement...if not because 1st n 2nd m/c our baby will be same age...sigh :(
I skip cny visit n we bought ticket go tw during cny my eldest sis asking cannot take it meh till need to avoid cny..partially la another half cos of long holiday co close for 6 days. Ppl won understand how we feel only ourselves know the most...
 
Give a hope said:
My sis just gave birth n now on confinement...if not because 1st n 2nd m/c our baby will be same age...sigh :(
I skip cny visit n we bought ticket go tw during cny my eldest sis asking cannot take it meh till need to avoid cny..partially la another half cos of long holiday co close for 6 days. Ppl won understand how we feel only ourselves know the most...
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Some people just dun understand what we are going through. But at least they can be more sensitive towards us. My SIL did not show any concern for my mc, yet she sent me pictures of her new born when she gave birth. Does she have to hurt me that much by doing that? Knowing that my baby is suppose to be 2 weeks before hers.
 
princessleopard said:
Some people just dun understand what we are going through. But at least they can be more sensitive towards us. My SIL did not show any concern for my mc, yet she sent me pictures of her new born when she gave birth. Does she have to hurt me that much by doing that? Knowing that my baby is suppose to be 2 weeks before hers.
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Ya lor...mbe they want to treat us as normal person but to me I hope them to be more sensitive towards us.
My elder sis even asking whether I have loose dress cos I don like to wear tight fitting shirt last time cos she says her tummy too big n can't fit her own dress now
 
princessleopard said:
Some people just dun understand what we are going through. But at least they can be more sensitive towards us. My SIL did not show any concern for my mc, yet she sent me pictures of her new born when she gave birth. Does she have to hurt me that much by doing that? Knowing that my baby is suppose to be 2 weeks before hers.
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Ya that's very insensitive. We don't need them to pity us or sympathise or even empathise with us. But at least be sensitive. Sigh lets try to see it positively she is sharing her joy with u. :)
 
Give a hope said:
Ya lor...mbe they want to treat us as normal person but to me I hope them to be more sensitive towards us.
My elder sis even asking whether I have loose dress cos I don like to wear tight fitting shirt last time cos she says her tummy too big n can't fit her own dress now
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hopeful_mum said:
Ya that's very insensitive. We don't need them to pity us or sympathise or even empathise with us. But at least be sensitive. Sigh lets try to see it positively she is sharing her joy with u. :)
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Ya I agreed. Sigh, never mind. We got to move on, just stick with positive people and thoughts. :)
 
Give a hope said:
My sis just gave birth n now on confinement...if not because 1st n 2nd m/c our baby will be same age...sigh :(
I skip cny visit n we bought ticket go tw during cny my eldest sis asking cannot take it meh till need to avoid cny..partially la another half cos of long holiday co close for 6 days. Ppl won understand how we feel only ourselves know the most...
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Totally agree wif u... Im avoiding pregnant women oso.. I sound so psycho.. Its jus too painful.. I keep visualising e bloods n everyting whenever I c pregnant women.. :-(
 
I agree with all of the above! My friend just decide to massive send me her new born and yupp ouch and she's inviting me to her house during cny and im finding excuses to reject her now hais!
Did my new house site measurement today! Cannot wait for the house to be done!
 
mangohope said:
I agree with all of the above! My friend just decide to massive send me her new born and yupp ouch and she's inviting me to her house during cny and im finding excuses to reject her now hais!
Did my new house site measurement today! Cannot wait for the house to be done!
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Just ignore those unhappy things and focus on happy things like your house reno! :)
 
princessleopard said:
Just ignore those unhappy things and focus on happy things like your house reno! :)
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Thank you!

You are so brave to face all the cute baby photos, I can't even face kids now I will siam or treat them fakely.

My husband recently keeps finding fault in me and ya things just got really bad and nasty and at some point I just feel like giving up this marriage and he can find someone who can give birth to a healthy baby for him. He's saying harsh things like wasting on the money on me and still not able to give birth to one. Hais his anxiety disorder is getting real jialat and tougher for me to take his pattern.
 
princessleopard said:
Just ignore those unhappy things and focus on happy things like your house reno! :)
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Thank you!

You are so brave to face all the cute baby photos, I can't even face kids now I will siam or treat them fakely.

My husband recently keeps finding fault in me and ya things just got really bad and nasty and at some point I just feel like giving up this marriage and he can find someone who can give birth to a healthy baby for him. He's saying harsh things like wasting on the money on me and still not able to give birth to one. Hais his anxiety disorder is getting real jialat and tougher for me to take his pattern.
 
hopeful_mum said:
u are so sweet. I will feel sweet and upset at the same time.
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I understand, once in a while will feel sad, like the anniversary or when you are down. But I rather focus on happy thoughts now. This is a heavily photoshop picture, but I just loved it very much. Like old saying, see more pretty things, will have pretty kids....hahha
 
mangohope said:
Thank you!

You are so brave to face all the cute baby photos, I can't even face kids now I will siam or treat them fakely.

My husband recently keeps finding fault in me and ya things just got really bad and nasty and at some point I just feel like giving up this marriage and he can find someone who can give birth to a healthy baby for him. He's saying harsh things like wasting on the money on me and still not able to give birth to one. Hais his anxiety disorder is getting real jialat and tougher for me to take his pattern.
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I also avoid for a long while. But just decided I have to walk out of it, since my job also requires me to face the babies. You can do it too, one day. :)

Oh dear, why like that? Maybe he is stressed with work or the house reno, that is why he said that?
 
princessleopard said:
I also avoid for a long while. But just decided I have to walk out of it, since my job also requires me to face the babies. You can do it too, one day. :)

Oh dear, why like that? Maybe he is stressed with work or the house reno, that is why he said that?
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ya maybe he is too stressed with work? think u all take it slow, work on the house together first. build r/s, don't let all these miscarriages affect ur marriage. even we have kids, they will grow up and set up their own family, the person who is going to be with u forever (hopefully) will be ur spouse.

that's why hubby sometimes say, if no kids, still have each other. think both of u are still grieving, take some time to rest and heal.


I still play with kids and hug them. but after that when I go home I will feel sorry.
 
princessleopard said:
I also avoid for a long while. But just decided I have to walk out of it, since my job also requires me to face the babies. You can do it too, one day. :)

Oh dear, why like that? Maybe he is stressed with work or the house reno, that is why he said that?
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He was from a broken family and His whole family has this anxiety prob, his was diagnosed last year. He's okay to everyone but just me he will find fault and trouble on me even my colleagues can sees it. They just console me saying no choice mayb I owe him for the past life. Before marriage all ok after marriage all the nightmares comes, even During pregnancy he will scold and dump me aside. Hais
 
mangohope said:
He was from a broken family and His whole family has this anxiety prob, his was diagnosed last year. He's okay to everyone but just me he will find fault and trouble on me even my colleagues can sees it. They just console me saying no choice mayb I owe him for the past life. Before marriage all ok after marriage all the nightmares comes, even During pregnancy he will scold and dump me aside. Hais
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haiz, but as long as he isn't violent or verbally abusing you, its really just a kind of illness which I think he couldn't control also. just cool down, when he angers u, just walk away so don't fight further. think he has those reactions also becoz u are only his trusted spouse, thus vent all frustrations on u, of coz that doesn't give him the right. but just take a break, so that u can cool down also.

jia you. now settle the house first. think he sees u go through all these mc, he also feel very sad and stress. he being in broken family, he probably looking forward to his completed small family which cause him a lot of anxiety also. since he is no in a hurry to try, then u also just go with the flow.
 
hopeful_mum said:
ya maybe he is too stressed with work? think u all take it slow, work on the house together first. build r/s, don't let all these miscarriages affect ur marriage. even we have kids, they will grow up and set up their own family, the person who is going to be with u forever (hopefully) will be ur spouse.

that's why hubby sometimes say, if no kids, still have each other. think both of u are still grieving, take some time to rest and heal.


I still play with kids and hug them. but after that when I go home I will feel sorry.
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Ya agreed. My hubby said the same thing. But dunno if its cos he is consoling me, I felt sad only when I saw him playing with kids. He is great with kids, no kids ever stopped laughing with him around. So, I am very stressed and sad that I cannot give him one.
 
mangohope said:
He was from a broken family and His whole family has this anxiety prob, his was diagnosed last year. He's okay to everyone but just me he will find fault and trouble on me even my colleagues can sees it. They just console me saying no choice mayb I owe him for the past life. Before marriage all ok after marriage all the nightmares comes, even During pregnancy he will scold and dump me aside. Hais
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Can it be treated? Have you tried sitting him down and talk to him when he is more calm?
 
The tears just flows out automatically.
He needs to see the specialist but he just keeps avoiding it.
The Tcm say is he needs times and also self control a bit but yet he's just also venting out to me!
The western family doctor comment that Tcm is useless so now he also resistance to the Tcm hais.
I don't know what else I can do. Everything I say to him he won't listen. Only he can say I cannot, I comment more he will starts shouting already.
 
mangohope said:
The tears just flows out automatically.
He needs to see the specialist but he just keeps avoiding it.
The Tcm say is he needs times and also self control a bit but yet he's just also venting out to me!
The western family doctor comment that Tcm is useless so now he also resistance to the Tcm hais.
I don't know what else I can do. Everything I say to him he won't listen. Only he can say I cannot, I comment more he will starts shouting already.
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Hmm..very tacky situation. Is there anyone close whom he listens to?
 
mangohope said:
The tears just flows out automatically.
He needs to see the specialist but he just keeps avoiding it.
The Tcm say is he needs times and also self control a bit but yet he's just also venting out to me!
The western family doctor comment that Tcm is useless so now he also resistance to the Tcm hais.
I don't know what else I can do. Everything I say to him he won't listen. Only he can say I cannot, I comment more he will starts shouting already.
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big HUGS!!!

ya like princess suggested, maybe wait for him to calm and ask him to continue seeing a specialist. my own gynae also says tcm is crap so I listened also. but now I tink its not so crap after all.

but cant change their perspective, coz some tcm are indeed crap and anyhow give medication which may not be good. so cant blame ur hubby resistance. but I think TCM not so impt, its him seeing the specialist more impt. coz usually when we can conceive, the hubby not so impt. we just tiao our body, he can don't go. that's why when we can conceive naturally, gynaes don't do their SA becoz it works.
 
I'm just trying to tolerate it day by day but just afraid that I will sooner or later giving up. The Tcm is his dad's friend and someone who he respect and listen to so I thought she's able to help. Other than that will be my boss who he listens to.
 
mangohope said:
I'm just trying to tolerate it day by day but just afraid that I will sooner or later giving up. The Tcm is his dad's friend and someone who he respect and listen to so I thought she's able to help. Other than that will be my boss who he listens to.
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If there is someone whom can talk to him, then maybe ask them to help. Try to work things out slowly, I think cannot rush in this case, cos dun want to agitate him further.

Its so hard on you now, hang in there, ok?
 


hopeful_mum said:
big HUGS!!!

ya like princess suggested, maybe wait for him to calm and ask him to continue seeing a specialist. my own gynae also says tcm is crap so I listened also. but now I tink its not so crap after all.

but cant change their perspective, coz some tcm are indeed crap and anyhow give medication which may not be good. so cant blame ur hubby resistance. but I think TCM not so impt, its him seeing the specialist more impt. coz usually when we can conceive, the hubby not so impt. we just tiao our body, he can don't go. that's why when we can conceive naturally, gynaes don't do their SA becoz it works.
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TCM thingy is really subjective. I know east and west they are not in good terms. Till my gynae ask if I am seeing tcm as well 4 yrs back, I got shocked too. She even said can help me ask her patients which tcm they are seeing to help them conceive. Back then, I had done checks with her to see why I cannot conceive after trying for a year. My gynae actually believe east and west can work together to make things work.
 
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