Support group - Miscarriages

Hi Mulberry,
Yes, grieve as much as u can..these few days will be the worst stage but u will be ok.

Welcome back Apple!

I am taking a break from TTC and hope to start again when my AF report - dont know when...hee hee..but felt so much happier this month, also dont know itiz because of CNY mood.

Anyway, its still CNY..so let's all be happy and who knows?? Maybe we can still make it for a piggy baby!

ah_kat
 


hi nanz,
welcome back! how's yr holiday trip?
yes AF finished..lasted abt 4-5 days. will bu this weekend..what's chicken juice? how to cook ah?

hi ah kat,
thanks...i feel happier too..still got to do blood test this sat..but happier cos things back to normal. as long as i am healthy, i dont really mind too much about other things liao..

hey gals, shall we meet up for CNY? we can go for yusheng lo hei together? how?
 
hi ladies, thanks so much for your comforting words. Am really touched with each n every one of your replies.
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I cried buckets on that day itself. Yesterday cried less, and was really tired, and slept quite a lot. Also yesterday I had really bad cramp, took the 2 painkiller pills that the doctor gave.
Today so far, no more cramps. But i feel like got lotsa 'wind' inside me...so embarrassing, keep passing wind.
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Is that normal?

abit weird now, i sorta have phobia going to toilet coz for the past few days (b4 the m/c), it was so agony keep seeing the red blood. Now even after the mc, going to the toilet just makes me think of that times.

Tmr is my birthday, dunno how to celebrate it this year. Actually told hubby i don't have the mood to celebrate...sigh..
But last night, we talked about going for a holiday. Haven't decided where yet...Thinking of going Bali or HK or Japan. Thinking about holiday makes me feel abit better, and at least have something to look forward too.
 
Hi Apple,

Holiday end so fast hor....bascially is jus a eat and eat trip for HB & me. For the 1 week in taipei, we visited night market every nights. Then eat and eat like nobody business...Glad tat u been feeling great these days.
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Mulberry,

A holiday trip will definitely helps in the healing process. A number of us have just went for holidays too. Anyway, wat happen had happen so just go for dinner with ur hubby lor, dun dwell on the 'lost' anymore, u have to move on for urself as well as those who loves and care for u..we must cherish what we have now right...there's much more to life...cheers...

Oh yes, happy Birthday to u! (One day advance ya!)
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mulberry, can understand your phobia. there are more phobias for me every 15th of the month cos that was the date i lost my bb, phobia of eating certain things that i thought contributed to the m/c, doing certain things that i thought contributed to the m/c, etc. Over time, those phobias have been temporarily hidden.. until maybe when i conceive again.. i think i will become a paranoid pregnant woman. sigh.

if you are thinking of bali, try staying at nusa dua beach.. it's the best in bali. i'm prob going to japan in may too.
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remember to do a small confinement. well, i did the least.. only drank red dates water.
 
hi Nanz, thanks for the early bday greeting.
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yes i must not dwell on it too much. My hubby has been really great.. He has been really tired coz on top his high pressure n demanding job, he has been taking good care of me.

hi xbliss, i don't think it was anything u did that contributed to the mc. so dun worry abt things that u eat, or did. My gynae said it's nothing to do with food. also unless u were doing super physical exercise/activities, it's not ur fault.
let's all be strong and overcome our phobias ya.
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btw, ur trip to japan, r u planning to go by tour or F&E? i heard usually F&E will end up more expensive, is tat right?
 
Mulberry, phobias is normal. It is normal to have phobia.. many of us had phobia too.

my experience,
Phobia #1: I was staying at my own home days before the m/c. And after the m/c, i don't even feel like stay at home alone ..
Phobia #2: I was wearing my favourite T-shirt and pants when I m/c. They were half soaked in blood. Till now.. I still could not bring myself to wear them again.
Phobia #3: the Hospital.. .This is a favourite hospital for pregnant women to give birth and i had M/c in it..Yesterday I visited my colleague there.. Memories just flow back.. and was tearing inside me while trying to maintain my posture in front of my colleague.

Just know that what you are experiencing now is normal.. Cry.. let it out.. Just remember to stand up after that.
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Happy Birthday! If there is no mood to celebrate.. it is fine. .. Just do what you think will make you feel better. ok ?
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nanz,
yeah..hard to forget how down i was few weeks ago...what a difference a few weeks made. After the ordeal, i feel that i have to make full use of the good healthy time lor...
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mulberry
*hugs* i understand how u feel cos i lost my 1st bb few days after my birthday. i wonder how come it is given to me and taken away so quickly. So many why why why...but trust me, dont blame yourself..time will heal...slowly but surely...

i cancel my japan trip last year cos was preggie, then shortly after mc...will make it to japan end of this year..hopefully no more hitches..
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dun think it's ex to go f&e.. in fact, u get to travel more places if you are adventurous enough. the natas fair will be coming up on 23-25 march. prob will get lots of good deals there. I can speak japanese so touring japan on our own is not a problem. u would only need to do lots of research for the cheapest deals.
 
Hi Mulberry,

Yeah, I had the same issue with going to toilet as well as u just feel that u are passing out "something"...anyway, time will heal.
A short trip wld be good. We went to Koh Samui end of last year and told ourselves to leave all the "bad" things there...
 
hi gals,

its monday again! how's yr weekend?
i had a fairly good one, cut my hair, did a manicure, sent my dog for grooming, had yusheng dinner with parents.

Are you gals interested to meet up soon?
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Hi ladies,
I just found this support group. I am one of those who had a m/c on Feb 2 and did a D&C on the day itself. Till now, i am so sad and got lots of heartaches. Bleeding had stop and waiting for my first cycle. Doc say can try after 3 months but i am so scared it will happen again.
 
RRF,

*Hugs* & *Sayang*.....Time will heals! We all understand wat u meant. All of us in this thread had the same bad experiences. U will overcome the fear as times goes by. Take care.
 
Thanks Nanz. I will somehow overcome it and move on.
I wanted to ask if anybody had gone thru laparoscopy ? after my m/c, gynae advise me to do blood test and raised the possibility of doing laparoscopy. It will cost about 4K, so i wanted more opinion as shd i do it?
 
hi rrf,

*hugs* take care of your health..do a mini confinement if you havent done so. hope u r recovering well...like what nanz said, time heals...
 
hi rrf,

sorry to rake up the past..but is this yr 1st mc? gynea usually would suggest detailed checks if it is a repeated mc (meaning 2 or more mcs). For my case, i had 2 mcs, hence went thru extensive blood test for chromosome defects, diabetic etc. It cost me $600. Hope the info helps.
 
Yes, its my first m/c. Gynae say the lap procedure will enable him to make a detail check on the reproductive system- there are 6-7 things he check for. He say at least nx time if i am preg, it rule out the 6-7 possibilites. I suspect maybe becos of my age (37), he thinks i shd do as much as possible to rule out possibility of 2nd m/c
 
rrf,
why not get 2nd opinion if u r unsure? not sure abt u, i am just concerned abt the cost
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But if the cost is not an issue, it is good to go for tests for further prevention. But again, tests are just tests, we can never understand how our bodies work. Just to share, my 2nd mc was due to chromosome defect of the foetus - 45x turner syndrome. My HB and I went for chromosome test after the D&C. We are both fine. So not sure why our bb has that defect. We cant do much for further pregnancies too except to pray that it will not be the same problem again.
 
Tks applemuffin,
my gynea also did advise me that even doing all the tests, it does not mean it can pointpt the problem or conclude anything. Juz rule out some possibilities. I need to discuss and think thru. Yr suggestion is gd and do you have a gynea to recommend for 2nd opinion? Sigh...i am so tired of all these, why is that other people can be so smooth sailing and i/we have to be thru all these.
 
hi rrf,
if u read my above postings, i sought 2nd opinion with head of fertility dept - Prof Wong PC - NUH. He saved me from going thru another D&C to rectify my problem of not having AF after D&C. I am comfortable with him and have greater confidence in him than 1st gynea. So am now sticking with him for future ttc.
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rrf, dont give up...guess all the sufferings are worth it when u finally give birth to a bb.
 
hi gals,

another new wk!!

Hi rrf,
sorry to hear abt your m/c, take care of yourself and build up your health which is very important now.

why your gyna ask you to go through laparoscopy? I went through laparoscopy becos the gyna cannot find my foetus when i was bleeding during pregnancy. after my m/c, my gyna just did a blood test for me and a semen test for my hubby to rule out any problems with us. i agree with applemuffin the cost is high, it might be good to have a second opinion.

but if you have made up your mind abt going through the lapro procedure, don't worry it is just a keyhole 'surgery', the healing process is fast.
take care, try not to eat the melon stuff for sometime, especially honeydew. take chicken essence to 'bu'
 
hi rrf,

sorry to post again, but i happen to see you posted in other thread to enquire abt Dr Peter Chew, is he your gyna also? he is mine too but i'll most likely switch to another gyna when i get pregnant again!
 
hi ladies, have any of u heard that it's 'pan-tang' for a someone that's just m/c to attend a full moon party?
coz a fren invited me (she didn't know i just m/c) but my mom ask me not to attend...she says not nice, my fren's family might not like it..
 
hi mulberry,

i only heard when preggie, if pantang, dont go for ppl's wedding. Not sure abt bb's full moon.

I dont pantang, when preggie also went for close fren's wedding. Can check w/yr fren if she is ok, if not, dont go...save yourself the heartache of seeing newborn bb...my view lah
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Hi, i actually posting here to seek some advise from you ladies. During wifey's checkup last Thurs, doc discovered that there was no heartbeat in the foetus and there was apparent halt in development. We were nearing end of the first trimester (3 months) and thus was really shocked by this development. Wifey took it quite hard and honestly i find it quite difficult to accept. There was no symptoms prior, no bleeding, no accidents, no falls or illness.

All of sudden, we were back to square one. Wifey had to go for op to remove the dead foetus the following day and she is currently on medical leave for this week. She is badly affected and break down now and then. At times, I was also at a loss on how to console her, one moment, we were looking forward to the baby and the next, we had nothing. I could only tell her to take care of her health & that we would try for another one once she recovered. But I know such things take a while to heal.

For the past few days, she's experiencing sharp adominal pains / cramps, much akin to menstural cramps (as she put it) and heavy bleeding. This would happen like all of sudden, i.e. today fine, but the next day, she will experience the pain. I feel helpless for her when she's in pain cause I not sure if that's normal? Hence I thought to seek advise here.

Till date, I've not sure of the cause of the MC especially when we all thought its stable already. Even the gynae couldn't offer an answer....sigh.
 
Hi CCCS,

Sorry about your loss. Many of us here have experienced what you and yr wife went thru so we truly understand how it feels.

Very often a mc offers no reason why n how it happen. You could check w/yr gynea if you could do further blood test or test on the foetus to see if you could find out the cause.

Physical pain eg. cramps will take one to two weeks to recover. Cramps usually due to the uterus shrinking back to pre-preggie size. Usually quite normal. Cook more ginger, red-dates and "warm" food for yr wife to consume. Good for her. U might want to consider doing a mini confinement - bath alternate days, eat more ginger, wear slippers n warm clothings. heavy bleeding is normal too (in my case, i bled for about 4-5 days). But if you are uncomfortable with any situation, check w/yr gynea. Think they will schedule u to see yr gynea in 1 or 2 weeks time for check-up.

Physical pain will take 1 or 2 months to heal, emotional pain is something we all struggle from time to time. As a hubby, u need to be that pillar of strength, to be there for yr wife whenever she feels down or frustrated. There will be alot of asking why why why...it is natural part of healing process. Take time to grieve...but be sure u remind yourself there is always another pregnancy...dont despair..

Hope my above 2 cents worth of advice will be helpful to you n yr wife.
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Hi

I need some advice pls. I have six fibroids, all less than 2cm in size. I am 34 years old. I just had a miscarriage. That was my first pregnancy. My gynae couldn't pinpoint specific reasons for my miscarriage. I read that fibroids could be amongst the reasons causing miscarriage. Although my gynae said it is a reasonable option to remove all my fibroids now, nevertheless he said it is worthwhile to give it another try and if it fails again, then I have to remove all my fibroids. Thinking about this, it would be a painful experience if history were to repeat itself (touch wood; hope it won't happen). With this uncertainty, I am confused and petrified.

Anyone with similar experience to share with me? I am also thinking of getting a second opinion. Has anyone consulted Dr Eunice Chua (TLC Gynaecology Practice at TMC; or Dr Tan Yew Ghee from Raffles Medical).
 
hi rrf,

hmm, i think it is better for you to email me at [email protected] to discuss abt Dr Peter Chew

Hi CCCS,

sorry to hear abt your loss. It does take sometime for both of you to heal emtionally. Thank god, my hubby was a solid pillar of strength for me when i had my m/c, so you can do the same for your wife too. But don't neglect your own pains and emotions, share them with others if you can't share with your wife at this moment.

Hi Ara,

well, in your suitation i think it is better to seek second opinion, no harm and then decide.
stay strong and keep trying!
sorry can't give you comments abt the mentioned gynas
 
hi applemuffin,
yeah u r right. after thinking it over, i think better not to go...it would bring me heartache seeing the newborn..would just ask a mutual fren to pass her the gift.

hi cccs,
i'm very sorry for ur loss. I've also just had a m/c last week. thus, totally understand how u n ur wife feel. You just continue to be there for her, be strong for her. That's what my hubby did and am very grateful to him.
rgding the cramps, like what applemuffin said, it is normal. i too had cramps the day after d&c. However, my bleeding was light, but it did last for 5 days.
My advise is for u to call the gynae to check whether it's normal for heavy bleeding (not sure to wat extend is the heavy bleeding). Better to call the gynae and put ur mind at ease.
take care.
 
hi cccs,
Very sorry about yr loss. I also had a m/c in early Feb and juz got back to work after medical leave. I did have sharp pain and heavy bleeding for 1-2 hours alomost everyday for about 3-4 days. So, i took painkiller that the gynea give me. Then when i went toilet, 3-4 pcs like blood clots (tissues and "liver pcs look alike") came out. After that i recover very fast with no more pain. I think sometimes it is the body tying to "push out" the remaining tissues and clots. But do make your own judgement, if really cannot tolerate the pain, shd just go back to your doc.
 
hi cccs,
My sympathies are with you and your wife. If the foetus heartbeat stop at about 12 weeks, its probably due to some fetal abnormality. Most gynaes will not ask you to pursue the cause at this point in time but instead just try for another one. If your wife is having very bad cramps, its best to call your gynae to check, like what mulberry says. But I think its probably due to the body trying to adjust back to its non-pregnant state. I would recommend you to get the book "Trying again after a miscarriage or stillbirth" or "Empty arms". It will help your wife to come to terms with her loss. When she is physically better, you can also ask her to come to this forum to chat. Right now, what she needs is to eat well and sleep well. Have a mini confinement taking black chicken soup with dang kwei and drinking logan red dates water. 3 months later, you guys can try again for another pregnancy when you are emotionally and physically ready.

hi Ara,
Fibroids maybe one of the factors causing m/c as it challenges the growing foetus for blood food. At which stage did you have your m/c? Did your gynae note that your fibroids grew in size during your pregnancy? It maybe wise to remove your fibroids before trying again and also to eat healthily. Please seek a second opinion. Sometimes I feel that gynaes are so immune to pregnancy losses and they will not bother to investigate the cause unless your m/cs are recurrent.
 
Hi CCS,

Sorry to hear abt ur loss. Think I have the same senario as ur wife. I also lost my BB at week 12 which I though should be stable at this stage! There was no signs and symptons of M/C. Dr term it as missed abortion. Normally they dun asked for investigation. As wat Java mentioned, most of the time such cases is due to chormosomes defect or feotus abnormailty. It came to sudden with no physical warnings.I can totally understand how u & ur wife feel now. Emptiness, depress and lost! Trust me 'Time will heals'... U two have to support each other and get thru this depression stage now. Take care.
 
Hi CCCS,
Just for sharing. I mc at week13, my gynea did suggested a test on the foetus and we found out that bb has Turner Syndrome - 45X, missing chromosome. Hence if you really want to find out, then ask your gynea if he can perform that test for you. (but must be straight after D&C, they will take the foetus for such test).
 
Chrysanne12 and Java,
thank you for your encouragement!

Happyger,
I have PM you for more info abt Dr Eunice Chua. thanks for sharing!

Java,
My m/c happened at very early stage, 6 six weeks into my pregnancy. Not sure if my fibroids have grown during this period but in my recent medical check-up which is two weeks after my D&C, the doc said these fibroids are less than 2cm. Yup, I will be seeking 2nd opinion. I am looking for a gynae to do that.
 
ladies,

really dunno if i should try ttc now... as my 2nd cycle almost over. Many colleagues dun encourage me to try so soon. But my chinese physician says can try ttc. Also worry if my next pregnancy will be smooth sailing anot... Sigh...
 
crystalz,

My gynae told me I can try TTC after 1st AF arrive. Had also browse thru the net and it say we can even try straight after D&C without having 1st AF, of cos there will be chances of M/C again for such cases. Personally, apart from physically recovering, i feel tat if u ve mentally recover also, u shld go ahead and try TTC since there's no 100% tat we will be preggie as and when we want. Afterall, u oledy have 2 AF flows so shld be fine liao. FYI, a few of us here oledy started TTC after 1st AF. So good luck to u.
 
crystalz,

I know is not easy, but we have to be confidence in order to send the positive vibes to our body if we ever get preggie again!
 
nanz is rite, some of us already start ttc after 1st af..i am one of them. Not sure when will strike...so just BD as n when...unpredictable and sometime it wont happen when u want it..so no harm trying..
 
allow me to blabber a little this morning...just feeling a little down..wonder why..my period is due 10 Mar...i am now wondering if it can come unaided with induction medicine. wonder if the two days of BD will help me strike! Wonder if my cycle will be normal or haywire...so many questions...sigh...wonder what if there is no bb in our marriage life? what would marriage life be like then? happier, sadder?

sigh....feel like a old lady this morning...
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apple,

no bb still got ur doggie!! Cheer up, woman! Think u are normal to behave tis way, I also have down periods too! Maybe woman tat experience m/c will somehow be emotional unbalance at times!!! kaka...
 
hi nanz,
change yr nickname!!
i feel better after lunch...maybe lack of carbo lah...been dieting past few days..no carbo..hee..
yeah, my doggie always happy to see me...feel like gg home now to play with her....office sianzz...
 
hi apple,

don't worry so much lah! under stress also can make you unable to strike, so relax! i read that you need a well-balanced diet which includes carb when you are trying so don't go on extreme diet without carb

actually, i don't know abt you gals but since i didn't strike in Feb, now I see pregnant women, i feel very anxious and sad leh, keep asking myself why i'm not lucky to get pregnant..i somemore ask my hubby a few times if we can't have bb how ah! feel so lousy sometimes..hmm
 
Hi ladies,

Many thanks for the support. Wifey used to surf motherhood but she is staying away for time being until she can bring herself to do so again.

I've got another query - there was one or two days that she experienced moderate flow - and she was wondering if that was her period returning.

Would like to chk how would we know if her 'first' period after MC has arrived. Till date, she still experience flows, approx how long before it will stop?

thanks.
 
hi cccs,

i had AF right after D&C (last 4-5 days). One week later, i had my normal AF (last 3-4 days). Think flow after D&C could be due to the op and whatever leftover blood. Why do you check with your gynea? Did yr gynea schedule you for check up after D&C? The gynea will scan the uterus to make sure everything is ok.
 


Hi apple,

Hope yr mood is getting better now since it is already close to 5pm.
Me oso sianz as do not enjoy my work - wanted to leave but scared if I strike, it will be diff. to change job...so fan.

These few days starting to feel some breast sore...dont know wherther is AF coming or what..wait & see now
 
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