Hi ladies,
I thought of posting here a little later but feel that I will feel better if I get it out of my system now.
I was 22 going to 23 weeks in my pregnancy when my water bag started to leak unexpectedly. On Tuesday mornring at 2am, I started having contractions and bleeding.. which really scares me. We went straight to the hospital and was immediately put on drip to stop the contraction. The doctor did an ultra sound scan and found the amniotic fluid to be very low. When the water bag leaks, there is really nothing medically that can be done to stop it. If I continue with the pregnancy, the baby will not have enough fluid to move around and will hamper his movements. The doctor says that such a tear is not caused by strenous activities...and although I have not been doing anything streneous, I can't help feeling so helpless and sad that I am not able to provide a healthy environment for my baby to grow.
The doctor put me on observation for the rest of the day, hoping that the leak is somewhere higher up the placenta. However, given the dangersouly low level, that is not likely to happen. I did not have any contractions throughout the day and I tried to think positive, talking to my baby all day long. He was especially communicative that day... kicking whenever me or my hubby spoke.
Towards 6pm, I started having regular contraction, despite the fact that I was still having the drip on... the doctor spoke to my husband at 8pm, asking me to stop the drip and the let the baby out naturally.
At that point, I broke down and cried... so did my hubby, who had been trying to be strong and comforting throughout. I had a difficult pregancy... I had spotting,was anemic and also developed gestational diabetes a couple of weeks ago. I overcame all these hurdle but this was beyond me, my hubby, my baby, my doctor!! It was heartbreaking.. the baby was still kicking inside me. I insisted that I should continue to suppress the drip although it made my heart beat really fast and I was in danger... I just needed to have that one last try.
By midnite, the contractions are still coming and doctor reduced the dosage... I knew then that the doctor is signalling to me that it is no hope already. I spent the rest of the nite in labour...sobbing as I pursued my last fruitless attempt to keep the baby.
By 4 or 5 am, the contractions were so bad and frequent that I needed the gas mask and pain killers. Neither helped much to numb my emotional pains. The valium which the doctor gave me the nite before kept me in a sort of calm mode... preventing me from going hysterical.
At 6.30 am, the doctor came in and talked to me. She told me it is no point fighting already as I am endangering my life and the cervix is already dilated. The doctor had originally wanted me to push the baby out but seeing the emotional state that I am in, decided to push me to the operating theatre. I had a d&c done.
When I woke up, the doctor asked if I wanted to see the baby... I just could not bear to see him for the first and last time. My hubby saw him and bade him farewell. He said he was a handsome boy.
We had not decided on the baby's name but was thinking of using the word 'jie' as one of the word. Loosely translated, it means excellent. Baby Jie has been an excellent baby during the 5 or 6 months inside me. He fought along with me to keep his little life and I feel that I have failed him in some ways.
I hope that one day, I will recover emotionally... to be able to have another baby. It will be tough as I am already 33 this year.
In the meantime, I will try my best to recover both physically and emotionally. The road is long but I am grateful for the support from family and friends.
I am in confinement now and will not be checking this forum regularly. Thanks for hearing me out... I just needed to get it out of my system...
folic
