Support Group - Mid Term Termination Of Pregnancy
- Thread starter tarynn
- Start date
Dear all:
Each time I read this thread I will cry. For myself and for all of us who went thru this sad experience. But while I cry, I also tell myself I need to move on. Although this is a wound that will never heal completely.
Claramimi, so very sorry to hear about your baby has passed on. I think you are very brave to carry on with the pregnancy. Coz for me, I didn't have the courage and went on to terminate when bb was at 19w. You may have lost the bb but
she will be in your heart. And you won't be like me, thinking what if I had chosen to carry on until she lets go. But I have learnt to let go, coz either way, it's going to end. Pls stay strong for the sake of your elder gal and do a proper confinement.
Sadsad: you r trying again? All the best to you. Give yourself more time and don't be stressed. I am still with the same gynae and he asked me to go back to him to do a pre pregnancy test before I ttc again.. But I told him honestly I don't know if I will ever try again. But I am already luckier than some of us here coz I have already have a boy, he is the one who gives me strength. My period is still haywire too.
Babykate: you have been thru such difficult time but I am glad to read that you are slowly healing and have moved on. You know, my friend had a mc for her 2nd pregnancy, but she had twins for her 3rd preg. So in the end she still have 3 kids. Do stay positive.
Each time I read this thread I will cry. For myself and for all of us who went thru this sad experience. But while I cry, I also tell myself I need to move on. Although this is a wound that will never heal completely.
Claramimi, so very sorry to hear about your baby has passed on. I think you are very brave to carry on with the pregnancy. Coz for me, I didn't have the courage and went on to terminate when bb was at 19w. You may have lost the bb but
she will be in your heart. And you won't be like me, thinking what if I had chosen to carry on until she lets go. But I have learnt to let go, coz either way, it's going to end. Pls stay strong for the sake of your elder gal and do a proper confinement.
Sadsad: you r trying again? All the best to you. Give yourself more time and don't be stressed. I am still with the same gynae and he asked me to go back to him to do a pre pregnancy test before I ttc again.. But I told him honestly I don't know if I will ever try again. But I am already luckier than some of us here coz I have already have a boy, he is the one who gives me strength. My period is still haywire too.
Babykate: you have been thru such difficult time but I am glad to read that you are slowly healing and have moved on. You know, my friend had a mc for her 2nd pregnancy, but she had twins for her 3rd preg. So in the end she still have 3 kids. Do stay positive.
xsara
New Member
Hi ladies, I chanced upon this thread very early this morning... I have not been able to sleep despite the fact that I have a doctor's appointment scheduled in for later today. Too many thoughts flashing through my mind.
I'm in my 21st week of pregnancy with my third baby. My baby's NT scan in first trimester, stood at 2.8mm and was 'high risk' for DS when pegged against my age (31 now and at projected EDD). I didn't feel worried because the nasal bone was detected during the NT scan. Then, just last week, at my 20 week detailed scan, several more markers for DS were detected and a slight nudge was given to us to consider where we wanted to go with the pregnancy (terminate or proceed). Just a brief picture of the markers identified: baby's weight is below the 3rd percentile for a 21st week foetus (my fundal height is about 5-7cm only), limbs are short, clavicle vein/artery abnormality detected, backflow of blood in one chamber of the heart etc)
But I couldn't make a decision, mind was a blank and I guess I just wanted to be optimistic. So, an amoniocentesis was scheduled for me immediately (2 days after the detailed scan) where it was discovered that my womb has close to no amoniotic fluid within it and that the baby, the umbilical cord and placenta are just sandwiched next to each other. The doctor who was supposed to carry out my amnio got quite a big shock and told me that there was no way an amnio could be carried out based on the lack of fluids and that it was his opinion that it would be a waste of my money doing the amnio as baby has close to zero chance of surviving.
I was devastated.
I have been drawing strength from my two girls (4 years & 2 years' old, respectively) but I cannot help but feel like a bad mother for even considering terminating this pregnancy, especially since amnio could not be carried out and so I do not know FOR SURE that the baby will be born with DS or any other chromosonal abnormalities. I've felt the baby move for almost two weeks now and to suddenly rip it out of me is something that I cannot even begin to imagine.
Am I being irrational? Perhaps. Am I being unfair to this unborn baby? Perhaps. But I know, for a fact, that I will not be able to cope with child who has DS or any other abnormalities.
I know that some will tell me to be grateful for my daughters but it does not lessen the pain I feel at having to decide to end this baby's life.
I have toyed with the idea of continuing with this pregnancy to see how far it can progress and allowing baby to decide to give up for itself but at the same time, as a FTWM, time away from work is not something I can afford (already now on 2 weeks of hospitalization leave), going into preterm labor or having a m/c at work isn't a thought I want to remotely entertain and most importantly, my girls need me to be there for them (the past weeks have been confusing for me to say the least, and I've shut almost everyone in my life out of this).
I've been praying to God to please take the baby away kindly and not to leave the decision up to me but my prayers have yet to be answered. I go into the doctor's office later today with NO IDEA if I will terminate this pregnancy and if I do decide to terminate, where I expect to find the strength to make that decision.
Do keep me in your thoughts and prayers, ladies... Any words of advice or your thoughts on this would be greatly appreciated. I guess I just wanted to share this because no one around me will understand how much of an emotional decision this is, and how much my mind and emotions are in a turmoil, and how much of a failure as a mother I feel, having to decide if and when to end her own child's life.
I just wish I'd found this thread earlier.
I'm in my 21st week of pregnancy with my third baby. My baby's NT scan in first trimester, stood at 2.8mm and was 'high risk' for DS when pegged against my age (31 now and at projected EDD). I didn't feel worried because the nasal bone was detected during the NT scan. Then, just last week, at my 20 week detailed scan, several more markers for DS were detected and a slight nudge was given to us to consider where we wanted to go with the pregnancy (terminate or proceed). Just a brief picture of the markers identified: baby's weight is below the 3rd percentile for a 21st week foetus (my fundal height is about 5-7cm only), limbs are short, clavicle vein/artery abnormality detected, backflow of blood in one chamber of the heart etc)
But I couldn't make a decision, mind was a blank and I guess I just wanted to be optimistic. So, an amoniocentesis was scheduled for me immediately (2 days after the detailed scan) where it was discovered that my womb has close to no amoniotic fluid within it and that the baby, the umbilical cord and placenta are just sandwiched next to each other. The doctor who was supposed to carry out my amnio got quite a big shock and told me that there was no way an amnio could be carried out based on the lack of fluids and that it was his opinion that it would be a waste of my money doing the amnio as baby has close to zero chance of surviving.
I was devastated.
I have been drawing strength from my two girls (4 years & 2 years' old, respectively) but I cannot help but feel like a bad mother for even considering terminating this pregnancy, especially since amnio could not be carried out and so I do not know FOR SURE that the baby will be born with DS or any other chromosonal abnormalities. I've felt the baby move for almost two weeks now and to suddenly rip it out of me is something that I cannot even begin to imagine.
Am I being irrational? Perhaps. Am I being unfair to this unborn baby? Perhaps. But I know, for a fact, that I will not be able to cope with child who has DS or any other abnormalities.
I know that some will tell me to be grateful for my daughters but it does not lessen the pain I feel at having to decide to end this baby's life.
I have toyed with the idea of continuing with this pregnancy to see how far it can progress and allowing baby to decide to give up for itself but at the same time, as a FTWM, time away from work is not something I can afford (already now on 2 weeks of hospitalization leave), going into preterm labor or having a m/c at work isn't a thought I want to remotely entertain and most importantly, my girls need me to be there for them (the past weeks have been confusing for me to say the least, and I've shut almost everyone in my life out of this).
I've been praying to God to please take the baby away kindly and not to leave the decision up to me but my prayers have yet to be answered. I go into the doctor's office later today with NO IDEA if I will terminate this pregnancy and if I do decide to terminate, where I expect to find the strength to make that decision.
Do keep me in your thoughts and prayers, ladies... Any words of advice or your thoughts on this would be greatly appreciated. I guess I just wanted to share this because no one around me will understand how much of an emotional decision this is, and how much my mind and emotions are in a turmoil, and how much of a failure as a mother I feel, having to decide if and when to end her own child's life.
I just wish I'd found this thread earlier.
Hi Xsara,
It's good u found this thread.my heart goes out to you and ur family.
Let me briefly share my story.If you want to read more,u can hop over to the stillbirth thread (it's not very active anymore,but thank god for that!) and read my posts.
I had a stillbirth in 2008 (1st child).Suddenly no heartbeat one day.I was devasted.After the stillbirth,like u,i shut everyone out of my life.no going to 1st mth parties,babies b'days etc.I won't even go to someone's house during CNY if i knew they have a newborn.Part of it is I wanted to protect my hubby,coz i didn't really know how he felt or if he had recovered.we tried,and tried,and tried,and tried for no.2.Alas,after 9 long mths,2 failed IUIs,gynae hopping,even a visit to the urologist coz my hubby's semen analysis was SO BAD (but now i believe there's nothing wrong with him coz we got preg naturally 3 times),and contemplating IVF,we conceived no.2 naturally.I was over the moon! At wk 7,difficult to detect heartbeat.Wk 8,heartbeat detected,wk 9,slow growth,wk 10,foetus shrunk and no heartbeat.when the foetal growth was slow,i was devastated.I tried so hard,went thru' so much heartbreak only to conceive again,but there was a chance I could lost the baby! my gynae wanted to be sure,so she sent me to another department for a more detailed scan when she wasn't sure if she could see the heartbeat.fr then,my heart sank.coz i knew there was a chance I could lose the baby.And when the sonographer eventually told me there was no heartbeat and the foetus shrunk in size,surprisingly,i was calm.no tears.I guess there were already telltale signs and I was prepared for the worse.I was alone,so I rang my hubby and I went straight back to the doc's office to request for a D&C the very day.yes,u may think i'm mad,but the quicker I get it over,the quicker I can try again.
the aftermath of D&C was nowhere as bad as the stillbirth.being induced and having to give birth to a dead baby is the most traumatising thing I had to go thru' in my lifetime and I will remember it until the day I die.
I'm a medical professional.And I believe your body is very good in protecting the baby.However,if the baby is not well,the body will automatically reject the baby,that's why your amniotic fluid levels have dipped drastically.It's ur body's way of telling you the baby cannot survive in the womb,much less in the outside world.I am a strong believe that ur fate lies in ur own hands,but when it comes to resepcting ur body and understanding what ur body is telling u,i believe u r no longer in control and you should listen to your body.
I know it's going to be heartbreaking for you and your family to terminate the pregnancy,but chances are that the baby is prob not going to survive.would you consider terminating the preg and allow your body to rest,then try again.the sooner you can termninate,the quicker u can recover (physically),the quicker u can try again.I know it's going to be emotionally very very difficult.It took me 1 yr to see the light at the end of the tunnel.365 days.and I did it with a lot of help fr this forum.I even made friends with 2 ladies here and we all eventually went on to have babies of our own.I never thought I'll recover.I did,but I'll never forget.everyday,I think of the girl I lost,and coming oct,she'll be 3.But she has friends in heaven (her friends are babies of mummy's friends who were gone too soon as well).Wat's ur baby's name? or initials? i'll tell chloe to look out for your baby and make friends with him/her so that he/she will not be lonely.
The journey to recovery will be tough,but u will get thru it,like most of ur here.you don't have to forget about ur baby,but you will certainly move on with time.
u know,ppl who tell u u should be grateful for your 2 daughters don't understand.so just shut them up.i am a spitfire when it comes to such situation coz i want to protect myself.nevermind I alienate a friend/lose a friend.If he/she is my friend,they won't be saying this.a life is a life.terminating a pregnancy/losing a child (no matter it's kiddy no.1,or 2,or 3)will be equally painful.But u will recover.
And finally,terminating the preg doesn't make u a bad mother,my dear.it makes you a sensible mother and a great mother,and a stronger mother/wife.it takes a lot of courage to make this decision.It's a painful decision,but it's the best for the whole family.taking care of a DS child takes a lot of effort and resources.And do you think it's worse if you deliver the child,only to know that the chances of survival are slim.it's as good as waiting for the day of death to arrive,isn't it? And it'll be traumatic to make a birth cert,then a death cert for the child.I've been thru' it.the silly hospital thought I had to register the birth,then issue me a death cert.My hubby and I refused to do it coz it was too traumatic and painful.We were abt to get my cousin to go do it,but in the end,it was confirmed that the stillbirth will be registered as a stillbirth.
Cry if you need to.Ppl will tell u not to cry and be strong.I wanted to slap all those ppl.I lost my child,1st child somemore and u tell me not to cry.i cried everyday for the 1st mth,and everytime I read something abt a child's death,I cry too.It was a very difficult road to recovery,but I did it,and I beleive you will make the best decision for yourself and your family and you will recover in time to come too.
It's good u found this thread.my heart goes out to you and ur family.
Let me briefly share my story.If you want to read more,u can hop over to the stillbirth thread (it's not very active anymore,but thank god for that!) and read my posts.
I had a stillbirth in 2008 (1st child).Suddenly no heartbeat one day.I was devasted.After the stillbirth,like u,i shut everyone out of my life.no going to 1st mth parties,babies b'days etc.I won't even go to someone's house during CNY if i knew they have a newborn.Part of it is I wanted to protect my hubby,coz i didn't really know how he felt or if he had recovered.we tried,and tried,and tried,and tried for no.2.Alas,after 9 long mths,2 failed IUIs,gynae hopping,even a visit to the urologist coz my hubby's semen analysis was SO BAD (but now i believe there's nothing wrong with him coz we got preg naturally 3 times),and contemplating IVF,we conceived no.2 naturally.I was over the moon! At wk 7,difficult to detect heartbeat.Wk 8,heartbeat detected,wk 9,slow growth,wk 10,foetus shrunk and no heartbeat.when the foetal growth was slow,i was devastated.I tried so hard,went thru' so much heartbreak only to conceive again,but there was a chance I could lost the baby! my gynae wanted to be sure,so she sent me to another department for a more detailed scan when she wasn't sure if she could see the heartbeat.fr then,my heart sank.coz i knew there was a chance I could lose the baby.And when the sonographer eventually told me there was no heartbeat and the foetus shrunk in size,surprisingly,i was calm.no tears.I guess there were already telltale signs and I was prepared for the worse.I was alone,so I rang my hubby and I went straight back to the doc's office to request for a D&C the very day.yes,u may think i'm mad,but the quicker I get it over,the quicker I can try again.
the aftermath of D&C was nowhere as bad as the stillbirth.being induced and having to give birth to a dead baby is the most traumatising thing I had to go thru' in my lifetime and I will remember it until the day I die.
I'm a medical professional.And I believe your body is very good in protecting the baby.However,if the baby is not well,the body will automatically reject the baby,that's why your amniotic fluid levels have dipped drastically.It's ur body's way of telling you the baby cannot survive in the womb,much less in the outside world.I am a strong believe that ur fate lies in ur own hands,but when it comes to resepcting ur body and understanding what ur body is telling u,i believe u r no longer in control and you should listen to your body.
I know it's going to be heartbreaking for you and your family to terminate the pregnancy,but chances are that the baby is prob not going to survive.would you consider terminating the preg and allow your body to rest,then try again.the sooner you can termninate,the quicker u can recover (physically),the quicker u can try again.I know it's going to be emotionally very very difficult.It took me 1 yr to see the light at the end of the tunnel.365 days.and I did it with a lot of help fr this forum.I even made friends with 2 ladies here and we all eventually went on to have babies of our own.I never thought I'll recover.I did,but I'll never forget.everyday,I think of the girl I lost,and coming oct,she'll be 3.But she has friends in heaven (her friends are babies of mummy's friends who were gone too soon as well).Wat's ur baby's name? or initials? i'll tell chloe to look out for your baby and make friends with him/her so that he/she will not be lonely.
The journey to recovery will be tough,but u will get thru it,like most of ur here.you don't have to forget about ur baby,but you will certainly move on with time.
u know,ppl who tell u u should be grateful for your 2 daughters don't understand.so just shut them up.i am a spitfire when it comes to such situation coz i want to protect myself.nevermind I alienate a friend/lose a friend.If he/she is my friend,they won't be saying this.a life is a life.terminating a pregnancy/losing a child (no matter it's kiddy no.1,or 2,or 3)will be equally painful.But u will recover.
And finally,terminating the preg doesn't make u a bad mother,my dear.it makes you a sensible mother and a great mother,and a stronger mother/wife.it takes a lot of courage to make this decision.It's a painful decision,but it's the best for the whole family.taking care of a DS child takes a lot of effort and resources.And do you think it's worse if you deliver the child,only to know that the chances of survival are slim.it's as good as waiting for the day of death to arrive,isn't it? And it'll be traumatic to make a birth cert,then a death cert for the child.I've been thru' it.the silly hospital thought I had to register the birth,then issue me a death cert.My hubby and I refused to do it coz it was too traumatic and painful.We were abt to get my cousin to go do it,but in the end,it was confirmed that the stillbirth will be registered as a stillbirth.
Cry if you need to.Ppl will tell u not to cry and be strong.I wanted to slap all those ppl.I lost my child,1st child somemore and u tell me not to cry.i cried everyday for the 1st mth,and everytime I read something abt a child's death,I cry too.It was a very difficult road to recovery,but I did it,and I beleive you will make the best decision for yourself and your family and you will recover in time to come too.
xsara
New Member
Hi Monster, thank you so very very much for your words and advice. They make so much sense because they come from someone who understands. I've been SO lost to be honest, partly because I wanted someone to give me answers, to give me a way out of this situation when in reality I think deep down, the answer has always been with me.
The sentimental part of me has been crying all this while, worrying that this baby will depart not knowing just how much he/she is loved and wanted. I have agonized over this matter since the scan in week 12/13 and it is so hard to even start to explain how it feels to feel your baby kick and then knowing that it won't be kicking about in you much longer.
But the practical side of me keeps telling me to do exactly what you advised- decide, do it, and move on. I have two girls who need me, and I need to be there for them, and I know deep down inside that I would feel wretched for the rest of my life if I sacrificed being a mommy to them as a result of having to care for this baby should it be born with DS, and I simply cannot, as a responsible parent, just expect my girls to take over that duty when I'm gone.
Thank you again and again for helping put things into words in a way that I've not been able to, and for helping me believe that this too will end and the healing will begin. I cannot thank you enough, Monster. *big hug*
I have no idea of this baby's gender. The hospital didn't even once ask if I'd like to know because I suspect they didn't want knowledge of the gender to intefere with my eventual decision. I have picked out a boy and a girl's name though, way before I even got pregnant and I very much like the idea of my baby having friends in Heaven and meeting baby Chloe... Please ask her to look for Baby Boy Aydan or Baby Girl Ayda.
May our babies rest in the arms of the Almighty, with the serene knowledge that we loved them so, despite the short time that they were with us.
Thanks again for helping me through this <3
The sentimental part of me has been crying all this while, worrying that this baby will depart not knowing just how much he/she is loved and wanted. I have agonized over this matter since the scan in week 12/13 and it is so hard to even start to explain how it feels to feel your baby kick and then knowing that it won't be kicking about in you much longer.
But the practical side of me keeps telling me to do exactly what you advised- decide, do it, and move on. I have two girls who need me, and I need to be there for them, and I know deep down inside that I would feel wretched for the rest of my life if I sacrificed being a mommy to them as a result of having to care for this baby should it be born with DS, and I simply cannot, as a responsible parent, just expect my girls to take over that duty when I'm gone.
Thank you again and again for helping put things into words in a way that I've not been able to, and for helping me believe that this too will end and the healing will begin. I cannot thank you enough, Monster. *big hug*
I have no idea of this baby's gender. The hospital didn't even once ask if I'd like to know because I suspect they didn't want knowledge of the gender to intefere with my eventual decision. I have picked out a boy and a girl's name though, way before I even got pregnant and I very much like the idea of my baby having friends in Heaven and meeting baby Chloe... Please ask her to look for Baby Boy Aydan or Baby Girl Ayda.
May our babies rest in the arms of the Almighty, with the serene knowledge that we loved them so, despite the short time that they were with us.
Thanks again for helping me through this <3
dear monster and xsara, thank you for sharing your stories. the strength of the ladies here help give me strength too.
monster i'm so glad u have your own child now, and i hope xsara u will be blessed with one soon too!
wan chuen>> ya trying coz i old liao. any older i need to take the amnio invasive test which will risk my child. i prefer not to.
monster i'm so glad u have your own child now, and i hope xsara u will be blessed with one soon too!
wan chuen>> ya trying coz i old liao. any older i need to take the amnio invasive test which will risk my child. i prefer not to.
Hello ladies! I just want to share my story here. Hope it brings some light n hope for you!
I just heard that a couple of others had conceived naturally after repeated miscarriages/ or unsuccessful ivfs/ iuis. . My healer say thanks for your support and she is glad to hv helped us in realising your dreams! I myself also managed a bfp under her help together with Ivf my last resort. My next one will be natural!
I'm stilling seeing her but less frequently now - I'm in my 17 weeks doing well but also keeping my fingers crossed.
If u r keen to know more about her, i have written about her previously and can read more at Facebook / search for Yoga Inn. She is Mdm Valencia Tan( based at Waterloo Street). There are some testimonials there!
Jia you everyone! My little story here:
http://mybfpstory.blogspot.com/?m=1
xsara
New Member
Dear ladies
Just wanted to update on this thread, to say thank you to those who have offered kind words and advice or even just read my post and empathized with what the ladies here are going through.
Re-cap:
My 3rd child was born sleeping at 23+ weeks in September last year after the NT scans etc revealed markers for DS.
My 3rd child was a boy.
Yesterday, my daughters, my husband and my parents followed me to visit his grave. I thought I had healed pretty well emotionally but seeing his tiny headstone, with his name inscribed on it, just broke down the facade that I've been putting up for the past few months.
Today (26th Feb), marks the 5th month since he left us.
I still grieve. Deeply.
I still question if I made the right decision.
But I have to live with it, because 'if' won't bring my son back.
I miss him so much.
At the cemetery, I saw the graves of many, many children, some of whom went home to God at around the same time as my son. And I know, that I am not the only mother to have loved and lost a child before having had the chance to hold him or hear him cry. Neither will I be the last mother to grieve at her child's grave.
But while I still grieve, let me grieve.
For it is in the grieving, that a mother sends her immense love to her child, too soon taken away.
To all mothers who are grieving still, have faith that the pain will abate. Take your time to find the will to laugh and live again. And may our lives be richer for having known the pain of loss that we treasure the blessings that God sees fit to bestow us.
Jia you to all Mummies TTC!
Thanks for reading. Love and blessings to all
Just wanted to update on this thread, to say thank you to those who have offered kind words and advice or even just read my post and empathized with what the ladies here are going through.
Re-cap:
My 3rd child was born sleeping at 23+ weeks in September last year after the NT scans etc revealed markers for DS.
My 3rd child was a boy.
Yesterday, my daughters, my husband and my parents followed me to visit his grave. I thought I had healed pretty well emotionally but seeing his tiny headstone, with his name inscribed on it, just broke down the facade that I've been putting up for the past few months.
Today (26th Feb), marks the 5th month since he left us.
I still grieve. Deeply.
I still question if I made the right decision.
But I have to live with it, because 'if' won't bring my son back.
I miss him so much.
At the cemetery, I saw the graves of many, many children, some of whom went home to God at around the same time as my son. And I know, that I am not the only mother to have loved and lost a child before having had the chance to hold him or hear him cry. Neither will I be the last mother to grieve at her child's grave.
But while I still grieve, let me grieve.
For it is in the grieving, that a mother sends her immense love to her child, too soon taken away.
To all mothers who are grieving still, have faith that the pain will abate. Take your time to find the will to laugh and live again. And may our lives be richer for having known the pain of loss that we treasure the blessings that God sees fit to bestow us.
Jia you to all Mummies TTC!
Thanks for reading. Love and blessings to all
Hi Xsara,
Thanks for sharing your experience and the encouragement.
I just had a similar experience as yours and I am still grieving deeply for the lost of my baby boy. He was detected with DS after my amnio and i had brought him back to GOD on 8Feb2012. He was then only 19wks. I gave birth to him through caesarian section. He was also my 3rd child. I asked my gynea why it happens and she cannot give me an answer.
Words cannot describe the feelings that i have gone through and it is indeed hitting me very badly. I wanted him, but again thinking of my 2 elder ones, can i handle it adequately? Will i neglect the 2 just because i need to spend alot of attention for my 3rd child? Many things came into my mind.. and i am really feeling very lost.
On the 8Feb, while i was pushed into the operating theatre, i cried very badly and i remembered one of the nurses told me,"making this decision is never easy, but we rather sin then to let our child suffer in future. God will forgive us. And she prayed for me. She told me, it is not just abt taking care of him. When u are old, who is going to be responsible for this child? Are u going to leave the burden to your elder kids? Or are u going to put him into homes?" She gave me a hug and thereafter i never see her again. i wanted to thanks for her support and encouragement.
Now while i am having my 30-days confinement, i cried alot at night when i think of my baby boy. i really missed him so dearly. However, i know life has to move on. And i have my 2 little ones to take care and they still need my love.
To all mothers who have similar experience, may God's love and blessings be with you. Our little ones are now in safe hands with our heavenly father where there is no suffering and sorrows, but only joy and happiness.
God bless you mommies
Thanks for sharing your experience and the encouragement.
I just had a similar experience as yours and I am still grieving deeply for the lost of my baby boy. He was detected with DS after my amnio and i had brought him back to GOD on 8Feb2012. He was then only 19wks. I gave birth to him through caesarian section. He was also my 3rd child. I asked my gynea why it happens and she cannot give me an answer.
Words cannot describe the feelings that i have gone through and it is indeed hitting me very badly. I wanted him, but again thinking of my 2 elder ones, can i handle it adequately? Will i neglect the 2 just because i need to spend alot of attention for my 3rd child? Many things came into my mind.. and i am really feeling very lost.
On the 8Feb, while i was pushed into the operating theatre, i cried very badly and i remembered one of the nurses told me,"making this decision is never easy, but we rather sin then to let our child suffer in future. God will forgive us. And she prayed for me. She told me, it is not just abt taking care of him. When u are old, who is going to be responsible for this child? Are u going to leave the burden to your elder kids? Or are u going to put him into homes?" She gave me a hug and thereafter i never see her again. i wanted to thanks for her support and encouragement.
Now while i am having my 30-days confinement, i cried alot at night when i think of my baby boy. i really missed him so dearly. However, i know life has to move on. And i have my 2 little ones to take care and they still need my love.
To all mothers who have similar experience, may God's love and blessings be with you. Our little ones are now in safe hands with our heavenly father where there is no suffering and sorrows, but only joy and happiness.
God bless you mommies
Hi Jeregiam,
Thanks for sharing. I have had the same experience as yours.
My first child is a boy, and he is 5 now.
My second pregnancy is a baby boy detected with DS, heart problem...etc. I too brought him back to GOD.
My third pregnancy is fetus not growing.
Now I am 39. Not sure wnat to try again. My husband always wanted another so that my son will not be lonely. I am so afraid history will repeat again.
Sometimes i wonder is only child good??
Thanks for sharing. I have had the same experience as yours.
My first child is a boy, and he is 5 now.
My second pregnancy is a baby boy detected with DS, heart problem...etc. I too brought him back to GOD.
My third pregnancy is fetus not growing.
Now I am 39. Not sure wnat to try again. My husband always wanted another so that my son will not be lonely. I am so afraid history will repeat again.
Sometimes i wonder is only child good??
Thanks Trina, time flies and today is the last day of my confinement. Indeed God has given me strength to move on. During these days, i have been keeping myself busy with my 2 kids. Their presence is a consolation to me and the lost of my baby has helped me to treasure them even more. Now i am getting myself prepared to go back to my workforce. It will be another big challenge for me as people will start asking me what has happened.
Pls do not give up Trina. Having another child will surely bring extra joy to the family. No doubt it is very worrying, but we need to give it a try. God will show mercy on us. He is a good God, he sees our needs. He will definately give us another healthy baby.
God bless you too. I hope to receive good news from you soon.
Pls do not give up Trina. Having another child will surely bring extra joy to the family. No doubt it is very worrying, but we need to give it a try. God will show mercy on us. He is a good God, he sees our needs. He will definately give us another healthy baby.
God bless you too. I hope to receive good news from you soon.
Hi Trina, sorry for the late reply. Last wk during the sch holiday, I went for a short vocation with my kids to Genting. We enjoyed quality times together. Next Monday I will start work. I will pm u my Facebook acct. let's keep in touch and support each other in God's love. Take care!
Dear all , would like to find out more abt cremation.
hmm.. my sweet bb is now 12wks already but her NT scan was off the chart,5mm. Told by 2 excellent gyneas to go for amino testing on 16wks as bb could not survive a cvs. And likely that she wont be able to survive till 16 wks either.
I very much want to keep the bb ,if possible, but am preparing for the worst.
hmm.. my sweet bb is now 12wks already but her NT scan was off the chart,5mm. Told by 2 excellent gyneas to go for amino testing on 16wks as bb could not survive a cvs. And likely that she wont be able to survive till 16 wks either.
I very much want to keep the bb ,if possible, but am preparing for the worst.
tangerinez
Member
baby C, sorry to hear about this. be strong and stay positive.
have you heard of prof ananda? he is well known for his sonography skills and can look out for DS signs just from scans alone, from week 13 to 14 approx. i believe it is called 'genetic scanning'
you may wish to google about him or give his clinic a call to find out more.
more info here: http://www.ssr.com.sg/education.htm#5
take care!!
have you heard of prof ananda? he is well known for his sonography skills and can look out for DS signs just from scans alone, from week 13 to 14 approx. i believe it is called 'genetic scanning'
you may wish to google about him or give his clinic a call to find out more.
more info here: http://www.ssr.com.sg/education.htm#5
take care!!
Thanks tangerinez, i saw the post abt prod ananda too. Actually, my gynea did suggest to do a detailed scan at 14 wks also. But i havent decided yet.
Actually, my current gynea is very good with scanning. I went to a.prof john tee at kkh for a second opinion, regarding to my nt result. He actually told me to go back to original gynea.. because my gynea very good and I am in good hands. My gynea had help me deliver 2 healthy babies, one gal(4) and one boy(2).
It really a mental torture to have to decide if we shld keep the babyC.(We are not sure abt her sex yet, but her name will start with 'C' like her siblings). My hubby and I wants a definite answer if baby is DS before we make the decision. It's a HARD decision, only mummies that goes through it will understand the mental struggle. I think even hubby cannot fully comprehen the "pain" we are going through..
Actually, my current gynea is very good with scanning. I went to a.prof john tee at kkh for a second opinion, regarding to my nt result. He actually told me to go back to original gynea.. because my gynea very good and I am in good hands. My gynea had help me deliver 2 healthy babies, one gal(4) and one boy(2).
It really a mental torture to have to decide if we shld keep the babyC.(We are not sure abt her sex yet, but her name will start with 'C' like her siblings). My hubby and I wants a definite answer if baby is DS before we make the decision. It's a HARD decision, only mummies that goes through it will understand the mental struggle. I think even hubby cannot fully comprehen the "pain" we are going through..
tangerinez
Member
baby c, i totally understand what you are going through. i went to see prof ananda at week 21 and had to decide whether to terminate the baby too. hubby was devastated too but i agree sometimes they don't fully understand our pain (for eg he hasn't felt the kicks that i felt from the baby).
going to prof ananda or not, or keeping the baby or not, is a very personal decision so i wont try to advise you either way. just to let you know if you need any listening ear, can always PM me.
hugs!
going to prof ananda or not, or keeping the baby or not, is a very personal decision so i wont try to advise you either way. just to let you know if you need any listening ear, can always PM me.
hugs!
Hi Trina, PM is private message, i tried to PM you, but i cant. If you click on my name on the left panel, you can click to PM me. Try it
Hi Baby C, I fully understand how you feel because i have gone through it in a hard way. Yes, its a mental struggle, however, pls be strong, dear. You are not alone, we are hear to support one another. I suggest u go thru CVS or Amnio to confirm it. Pls take care, God will bless you.
Hi Baby C, I fully understand how you feel because i have gone through it in a hard way. Yes, its a mental struggle, however, pls be strong, dear. You are not alone, we are hear to support one another. I suggest u go thru CVS or Amnio to confirm it. Pls take care, God will bless you.
vanilla04
Active Member
Hey Ladies,
Just wanna share something that i found. I, too had a loss this year 3rd Feb. I lost my baby boy due to Placenta Abruption or Pre-Term Labour at 25 weeks and 1 day. It was hard. My boy will be born anytime now or already born. If he is still inside me he will be 38weeks and 4days.
Anyway, i hope u girls will feel better after reading this.
Very meaningful and encouraging.
Hope you gals will feel the same.
A rainbow, the beauty that comes after a storm and a symbol of hope, is a description women lovingly use for their babies that are born after a miscarriage, still birth, or infant loss.
For women who have experienced a loss, conceiving a “rainbow baby” doesn’t make them forget the loss, take it away or diminish it, but it does give them hope for a new chance at motherhood.
Just wanna share something that i found. I, too had a loss this year 3rd Feb. I lost my baby boy due to Placenta Abruption or Pre-Term Labour at 25 weeks and 1 day. It was hard. My boy will be born anytime now or already born. If he is still inside me he will be 38weeks and 4days.
Anyway, i hope u girls will feel better after reading this.
Very meaningful and encouraging.
Hope you gals will feel the same.
A rainbow, the beauty that comes after a storm and a symbol of hope, is a description women lovingly use for their babies that are born after a miscarriage, still birth, or infant loss.
For women who have experienced a loss, conceiving a “rainbow baby” doesn’t make them forget the loss, take it away or diminish it, but it does give them hope for a new chance at motherhood.
tuete_cottage
Member
Hi Mummies
My tears just comes down upon reading ur stories....Each of us here has our own sad story. Just to share mine to bring hope to those who want to try again and have their own baby
I have my first pregnancy in Aug 2010, EDD is suppose to be 16 May 2011. We are happy that a new member is arriving. When the doc confirmed a baby girl is on her way in Jan 2011, Im really happy as I want a baby girl first. I was so happy then, my pregnancy is smooth sailing - no morning sickness etc and I start counting to the day to my girl in my arms as I approach my 3rd trimester.
However, things took a turn. A day b4 CNY 2011, I had a bad feeling....I want my girl to move but she doesnt. I thought Im tired and didnt feel her movements so I waited. The next day, she still didnt move and I went to see my gynae, thinking she will tell me that I worried too much as my baby is still small and her movements r light so tt why I didnt feel it.
It really end of the world for me on that evening 1.2.2011. The gynae told me to go to another room for detailed scanning by an experience sonographer as she cant find the bb heartbeat. Im dazzled upon hearing tt. Later when the sonographer scanned my tummy, I still tell her tt my gynae cant find the heartbeat, hoping she will point to me as usual tt is my bb heartbeat on the scan. However, she showed me tt bb heartbeat has stopped.
I cried n cried hoping someone will help me to revive my baby and find me back her heartbeat. I dont want to do D&C on tt night and told the gynae tt a miracle might happen. Three days was given to me. During those 3 days, I spoke to my girl, hoping she will give her mummy another chance and come back. I brought her around w hubby to capture her moments with us, telling how much we love her and plead her to give me another chance to love her...
She decided not to and I delivered her on 6.2.2011. It a BLACK CNY for me and I really dont know what I have done wrong. She was born at 26 wks at 1 Kg. Her features are so gentle and well formed tt I cant believe her heartbeat has stopped.
I completed my confinement with the hope tt I want to recover well and fast to conceive again, I harbour e hope tt my baby girl will come back to me again though on the other hand I hope she can be reborn after the episode with me.
The checkups with my gynae show tt I have protein s or c deficiency where my blood tends to clot easier. She gave me aspirn as I want to try again.
I conceived again in april 2011. I have a faint positive test and told my gynae. she did again but it was negative. I thought the pregnancy kit played a trick on me. However, to me a faint positive is still a +ve test and told her I want a blood test to confirm whether Im pregant. She agreed and 2 days later, I called up and the HCG level show a pregnancy.
This pregnancy has it ups n down, the doc couldnt find e sac initially and told me to wait another wk to see whether is it a normal or etopic pregnancy. Lucky it is a normal pregnancy. Then came the thing tt a hearbeat is not seen and I have to wait and see whether it is a viable one. Lucky again, it is.
For this pregnancy, I tell my baby that we love him/her and be a strong baby to fight. Each day of this pregnancy is stressful as I need to pass my 1st trimester to know tt this is a viable pregnancy. Then, my gynae told me tt baby need to be at least 26 wks before its a viable baby to survive in the outside world.
I was so stressful when baby is ard 25 wks as tt when I lost my girl. Lucky she make it through to 26 wks, then to 28 wks and then to 32 wks. i delivered my second girl at 34 wks via c-section as my gynae didnt want to take e chance to wait for full term.
And Yes, our girl is in our arms now and she is going to be 6 mths from birth. Though she 6 wks premature, she developing and gaining weight well.
Dont give up if you still wish to have ur own children.
My tears just comes down upon reading ur stories....Each of us here has our own sad story. Just to share mine to bring hope to those who want to try again and have their own baby
I have my first pregnancy in Aug 2010, EDD is suppose to be 16 May 2011. We are happy that a new member is arriving. When the doc confirmed a baby girl is on her way in Jan 2011, Im really happy as I want a baby girl first. I was so happy then, my pregnancy is smooth sailing - no morning sickness etc and I start counting to the day to my girl in my arms as I approach my 3rd trimester.
However, things took a turn. A day b4 CNY 2011, I had a bad feeling....I want my girl to move but she doesnt. I thought Im tired and didnt feel her movements so I waited. The next day, she still didnt move and I went to see my gynae, thinking she will tell me that I worried too much as my baby is still small and her movements r light so tt why I didnt feel it.
It really end of the world for me on that evening 1.2.2011. The gynae told me to go to another room for detailed scanning by an experience sonographer as she cant find the bb heartbeat. Im dazzled upon hearing tt. Later when the sonographer scanned my tummy, I still tell her tt my gynae cant find the heartbeat, hoping she will point to me as usual tt is my bb heartbeat on the scan. However, she showed me tt bb heartbeat has stopped.
I cried n cried hoping someone will help me to revive my baby and find me back her heartbeat. I dont want to do D&C on tt night and told the gynae tt a miracle might happen. Three days was given to me. During those 3 days, I spoke to my girl, hoping she will give her mummy another chance and come back. I brought her around w hubby to capture her moments with us, telling how much we love her and plead her to give me another chance to love her...
She decided not to and I delivered her on 6.2.2011. It a BLACK CNY for me and I really dont know what I have done wrong. She was born at 26 wks at 1 Kg. Her features are so gentle and well formed tt I cant believe her heartbeat has stopped.
I completed my confinement with the hope tt I want to recover well and fast to conceive again, I harbour e hope tt my baby girl will come back to me again though on the other hand I hope she can be reborn after the episode with me.
The checkups with my gynae show tt I have protein s or c deficiency where my blood tends to clot easier. She gave me aspirn as I want to try again.
I conceived again in april 2011. I have a faint positive test and told my gynae. she did again but it was negative. I thought the pregnancy kit played a trick on me. However, to me a faint positive is still a +ve test and told her I want a blood test to confirm whether Im pregant. She agreed and 2 days later, I called up and the HCG level show a pregnancy.
This pregnancy has it ups n down, the doc couldnt find e sac initially and told me to wait another wk to see whether is it a normal or etopic pregnancy. Lucky it is a normal pregnancy. Then came the thing tt a hearbeat is not seen and I have to wait and see whether it is a viable one. Lucky again, it is.
For this pregnancy, I tell my baby that we love him/her and be a strong baby to fight. Each day of this pregnancy is stressful as I need to pass my 1st trimester to know tt this is a viable pregnancy. Then, my gynae told me tt baby need to be at least 26 wks before its a viable baby to survive in the outside world.
I was so stressful when baby is ard 25 wks as tt when I lost my girl. Lucky she make it through to 26 wks, then to 28 wks and then to 32 wks. i delivered my second girl at 34 wks via c-section as my gynae didnt want to take e chance to wait for full term.
And Yes, our girl is in our arms now and she is going to be 6 mths from birth. Though she 6 wks premature, she developing and gaining weight well.
Dont give up if you still wish to have ur own children.
sunflower09
Active Member
Hi Mummies
Sorry to hear of your losses. None of you have a selective twin loss but if you have any knowledge or info, can someone share with me?
I am at 14 weeks with fraternal twins. During oscar test, both twins had nose bridges seen but borderline NT so were marked as high risk. I was braced for that and would just go on to amnio. But i wasnt braced for one of my twin to have spina bifida. The other twin seems ok now but after reading JJ's sharing, i am also worried the other twin may also have spina bifida (since its sibling has spina bifida) just waiting to surface later.
Doctor offered the option to terminate 1 twin. It hurts so much as both are my beloved child. Both heartbeats are strong and both are active.
But i know if i bring the currently affected twin into this world, its going to live a painful and sad life. If it asks me 'mummy why cant i walk and run like other children', what do i say? If it asks me 'mummy why am i like this and why did you bring me into this world', what do i say?
I feel so heartpain i have to take away its life when its now innocently kicking about happily inside me.
Want to ask if anyone knows of someone who has terminated 1 twin and still carry on with the other with no problems? Will my terminated baby be entitled to a name i can register with? When i eventually deliver them both, the terminated twin will pass out as a mass of tissue, can i give it a proper burial despite it may not have solid remains?
Sorry to hear of your losses. None of you have a selective twin loss but if you have any knowledge or info, can someone share with me?
I am at 14 weeks with fraternal twins. During oscar test, both twins had nose bridges seen but borderline NT so were marked as high risk. I was braced for that and would just go on to amnio. But i wasnt braced for one of my twin to have spina bifida. The other twin seems ok now but after reading JJ's sharing, i am also worried the other twin may also have spina bifida (since its sibling has spina bifida) just waiting to surface later.
Doctor offered the option to terminate 1 twin. It hurts so much as both are my beloved child. Both heartbeats are strong and both are active.
But i know if i bring the currently affected twin into this world, its going to live a painful and sad life. If it asks me 'mummy why cant i walk and run like other children', what do i say? If it asks me 'mummy why am i like this and why did you bring me into this world', what do i say?
I feel so heartpain i have to take away its life when its now innocently kicking about happily inside me.
Want to ask if anyone knows of someone who has terminated 1 twin and still carry on with the other with no problems? Will my terminated baby be entitled to a name i can register with? When i eventually deliver them both, the terminated twin will pass out as a mass of tissue, can i give it a proper burial despite it may not have solid remains?
susanna_low
New Member
Josea, have u seek a more experiences gynae, second opinion etc?
Sorry, u mean if u decide to terminate, u will have to carry the terminated twin till u give birth?
Perhaps u might to read n understand more abt spina bifocal before u make any decision.
Sorry, u mean if u decide to terminate, u will have to carry the terminated twin till u give birth?
Perhaps u might to read n understand more abt spina bifocal before u make any decision.
scatterbrain
Member
Hi Josea,
I'm sorry to hear about the bad news. I do suggest you read up the forum via below link. They do have a few cases very similar to yours.
Sad to see this thread becomes active again, meaning more mummies are facing such terrible heartbreaking decision.
http://community.babycenter.com/groups/a6325/termination_for_medical_reasons
I'm sorry to hear about the bad news. I do suggest you read up the forum via below link. They do have a few cases very similar to yours.
Sad to see this thread becomes active again, meaning more mummies are facing such terrible heartbreaking decision.
http://community.babycenter.com/groups/a6325/termination_for_medical_reasons
sunflower09
Active Member
Can i ask for those of you who did termination, where did you do it, any special gynae?
And how to terminate, was it the injection method done some sort like amnio?
And how to terminate, was it the injection method done some sort like amnio?
I finally found a thread where I belong to. I am now in 5 mths + and my baby boy was detected with multiple abnormalities including serious major heart vessel blockage. The recommendation from my gynae collapse my life. I been wanting a baby boy so that my first child have a sibling. I haven't even name my baby boy and was told to have him removed.
Now, I am waiting for my appt with Dr Mahesh in NUH on thurs. My bb is still kicking within me and it is such a torture for me. I couldn't help but to cry... I don't know what us coming next.. Hw is the operation and what is it like? Do I still have to go through the same labour process? Do I have to slowly feel and let him die in me? There are so many question marks in me.
I dun think I have the courage to see the cold little boy of him.. But yet I regret never to see his last sight.. I felt.. Like a murderer...
Now, I am waiting for my appt with Dr Mahesh in NUH on thurs. My bb is still kicking within me and it is such a torture for me. I couldn't help but to cry... I don't know what us coming next.. Hw is the operation and what is it like? Do I still have to go through the same labour process? Do I have to slowly feel and let him die in me? There are so many question marks in me.
I dun think I have the courage to see the cold little boy of him.. But yet I regret never to see his last sight.. I felt.. Like a murderer...
blessed_angel
New Member
I had been a slient reader in this thread. Although I do not been thru termination but my No 3 was born and diagnose with DS. I left me in a very shock stage when I rcv the news from the PD.
After she came, I did ask myself why me?... After reading this thread n the pain many mummies went thru, I ask myself is it a blessing that I do not know abt her condition during my pregnancy. If not what will I do.
Sorry if my post offend some mummies but after reading this thread, I can feel u. And perhaps those mummies who found out that your baby is diagnose with T21, u can think it over again before deciding to terminate the pregnancy. T21 baby might be slow but they still can function well with all the early intervention program. Of coz there are cases for mild and serious case. The road ahead we don't know but I m prepare to walk with her.
After she came, I did ask myself why me?... After reading this thread n the pain many mummies went thru, I ask myself is it a blessing that I do not know abt her condition during my pregnancy. If not what will I do.
Sorry if my post offend some mummies but after reading this thread, I can feel u. And perhaps those mummies who found out that your baby is diagnose with T21, u can think it over again before deciding to terminate the pregnancy. T21 baby might be slow but they still can function well with all the early intervention program. Of coz there are cases for mild and serious case. The road ahead we don't know but I m prepare to walk with her.
Hi Serene, I am so sorry to hear about your situation. I have been thru something similar last year, but I think its worse for you coz you are already more than 5 months.
At 16w, my baby was found to have non functional kidneys, my gynae told me she would not survive so either I chose to remove her, or let her die on her own and pass out of my body.
I chose to terminate coz I couldn't beat the thought of her suffering inside as my amniotic fluid is dangerously low. My termination was done at KKH. Not sure if the same will be done if you choose to terminate. For me, the nurse will come and insert a pill to induce dilation and if not dilated by 4-6 hrs then another pill will be inserted. It took me almost 24 hrs to get dilated and already maxed out the no of pills possible. Then the contractions start like normal labour and the baby was passed out. I went for evacuation (d and c) procedure to get the remains of the placenta out of the body.
I don't mean to interfere, but did the Gynae said there is chance your baby can survive despite the abnormalities? For me the Gynae said there zero chance, only a matter of when she passes on.
Before the day of my op, I also could feel my baby gal kicking inside. That time, I decided not to see her body. But on the day I was admitted I changed my mind. I know I will be heartbroken to see, but I didn't want the regret. Til now, I know I made the right decision, at least I had a chance to say a proper farewell. You have to think thru this carefully, coz if you chose not to see the body, then regret it later, you will not have another chance anymore.
Wish you all the best, Serene. May your appt on Thurs bring you some positive news. Stay strong whatever happens.
At 16w, my baby was found to have non functional kidneys, my gynae told me she would not survive so either I chose to remove her, or let her die on her own and pass out of my body.
I chose to terminate coz I couldn't beat the thought of her suffering inside as my amniotic fluid is dangerously low. My termination was done at KKH. Not sure if the same will be done if you choose to terminate. For me, the nurse will come and insert a pill to induce dilation and if not dilated by 4-6 hrs then another pill will be inserted. It took me almost 24 hrs to get dilated and already maxed out the no of pills possible. Then the contractions start like normal labour and the baby was passed out. I went for evacuation (d and c) procedure to get the remains of the placenta out of the body.
I don't mean to interfere, but did the Gynae said there is chance your baby can survive despite the abnormalities? For me the Gynae said there zero chance, only a matter of when she passes on.
Before the day of my op, I also could feel my baby gal kicking inside. That time, I decided not to see her body. But on the day I was admitted I changed my mind. I know I will be heartbroken to see, but I didn't want the regret. Til now, I know I made the right decision, at least I had a chance to say a proper farewell. You have to think thru this carefully, coz if you chose not to see the body, then regret it later, you will not have another chance anymore.
Wish you all the best, Serene. May your appt on Thurs bring you some positive news. Stay strong whatever happens.
sunflower09
Active Member
Serene, do you want to seek 2nd or 3rd opinions with KKH? They have dedicated teams of fetal medicine and baby surgeons and specialists who may be better equipped with knowledge and expertise to help you make more well informed decisions. Do what you can, go for more opinions before you decide. You can also seek genetic scanning and counselling with Dr Ananda at Camden, he specialises in these. Basically, exhaust all means before you decide.
I too terminated a child and believe me, it haunts me till this day. My pregnancy with this terminated child was via ivf and it was twins gestation. At 12 week scan, my gal was found with spinal bifida, she will not be able to walk, will have bowel control prob her whole life, may have neuro disabilities as there are water in her head too. We had to seek a few doctors, talked to a few specialists and counsellors and baby neuro surgeons at KKH before we made the painful decision to let her go, at least release her from suffering in this world.
Till now i still cry when i think of her, her remaining sibling is still in me and that doesnt relieve the pain or make it lesser. It will forever haunt and hurt me.
I wish it would be better news for you as you seek more opinions, maybe all is not lost, maybe there can be cure or surgery that can correct. Maybe you dont have to let your boy go afterall.
I too terminated a child and believe me, it haunts me till this day. My pregnancy with this terminated child was via ivf and it was twins gestation. At 12 week scan, my gal was found with spinal bifida, she will not be able to walk, will have bowel control prob her whole life, may have neuro disabilities as there are water in her head too. We had to seek a few doctors, talked to a few specialists and counsellors and baby neuro surgeons at KKH before we made the painful decision to let her go, at least release her from suffering in this world.
Till now i still cry when i think of her, her remaining sibling is still in me and that doesnt relieve the pain or make it lesser. It will forever haunt and hurt me.
I wish it would be better news for you as you seek more opinions, maybe all is not lost, maybe there can be cure or surgery that can correct. Maybe you dont have to let your boy go afterall.
sunflower09
Active Member
Blessed Angel, i salute you. DS child may be different but they are the most lovable lot of children. In their hearts, there is forever innocence and love.
vanilla_pod_2
Active Member
Hi serene I chanced this thread while trying to put my boy to sleep n saw 2 frens here.
Hi WC n sunny... U both are strong mummies n I know God is taking care of ur 2 little girls in heaven
Serene, my boy was born with multiple organ defects. We knew only abt his tummy prob at detailed scan, his heart n kidney conditions are found out after he is born. My pd told him he is the most challenging baby he has seen in his private practice.
Till today I thank God in hiding the heart n kidney problems cos if they were shown during detailed scan n fetal specialist scans I wld b advised to terminate. I did a amnio too, risking miscarriage for my ivf baby.
If u want a better heart opinion I can pm
U. This cardiologist my boy is seeing is v good.
I totally feel u cos I was so crushed when I found out my boy's health condition, but God gave strength .. For my boy to go thru 2 heart ops n 1 tummy op all before he turned 1.
Hi WC n sunny... U both are strong mummies n I know God is taking care of ur 2 little girls in heaven
Serene, my boy was born with multiple organ defects. We knew only abt his tummy prob at detailed scan, his heart n kidney conditions are found out after he is born. My pd told him he is the most challenging baby he has seen in his private practice.
Till today I thank God in hiding the heart n kidney problems cos if they were shown during detailed scan n fetal specialist scans I wld b advised to terminate. I did a amnio too, risking miscarriage for my ivf baby.
If u want a better heart opinion I can pm
U. This cardiologist my boy is seeing is v good.
I totally feel u cos I was so crushed when I found out my boy's health condition, but God gave strength .. For my boy to go thru 2 heart ops n 1 tummy op all before he turned 1.
blessed_angel
New Member
Vanilla, I feel u. I have the same tot as u. Thank god in hiding my gal condition. DS cannot be cured but to me I will do what is best for my gal to let her life be fruitful.
Hi,
Thanks all for your advice. Wan Chuen, my gynae did not mention abt the survival chance but he did mention that even if my bb is born alive, his brain could already been damage becos his heart vessel was already blocked. He mentioned if my bb is only detected with just heart problem, still can refer to heart specialist but my bb is not just detected with heart vessel blockage but also clept lip, kidney, liver, pelvis, hand problems as well.. So his recommendation is to have him remove because bringing him to this world will be his start of his suffering because he will need to go for several operations. Moreover, we are also not from well-to do family.
I always thought he is healthy because he always kick me, never expect he is so unhealthy. Termination of pregnancy was the only choice and recommendation from my gynae and I also understand where he comes from.
Hopefully, there will be a miracle for me. I am only left with 2 weeks to terminate this pregnancy before i reach 24 weeks. Seeking second opinion will only make my heart sank further because I saw the detailed scan report and my bb is really with multiple defects.
Thanks all for your advice. Wan Chuen, my gynae did not mention abt the survival chance but he did mention that even if my bb is born alive, his brain could already been damage becos his heart vessel was already blocked. He mentioned if my bb is only detected with just heart problem, still can refer to heart specialist but my bb is not just detected with heart vessel blockage but also clept lip, kidney, liver, pelvis, hand problems as well.. So his recommendation is to have him remove because bringing him to this world will be his start of his suffering because he will need to go for several operations. Moreover, we are also not from well-to do family.
I always thought he is healthy because he always kick me, never expect he is so unhealthy. Termination of pregnancy was the only choice and recommendation from my gynae and I also understand where he comes from.
Hopefully, there will be a miracle for me. I am only left with 2 weeks to terminate this pregnancy before i reach 24 weeks. Seeking second opinion will only make my heart sank further because I saw the detailed scan report and my bb is really with multiple defects.
sunflower09
Active Member
Hi Serene, if your gynae and yourself are sure of all the diagnosis (sorry dont mean to be rude or skeptic just that i feel we owe it to our children to check and double check) then maybe termination is really a better choice. Sorry i hate to have said this to you cos which parent will want to terminate their child but i can understand why your gynae and you are now considering this dreadful option if the prognosis is very bleak.
When the doctors also told me my gal will start off this world suffering and will suffer her whole life, that was what made me go thru the termination too cos i cannot imagine her in pain her whole life worst is what will happen to her after i leave this world. But i made sure i spoke to many specialists before we made the final call. We also thought my gal is healthy. Her heartbeats are always strong. In later scans, her head was out of shape due to water in the brain. We were told intellectually she will also be challenged. When she was gone, i felt like i died with her too.
I wish you peace of mind in whatever decision that you make. I know you also want the best for your boy, at least he didnt need to come and suffer in this world.
Hi Vanilla
When the doctors also told me my gal will start off this world suffering and will suffer her whole life, that was what made me go thru the termination too cos i cannot imagine her in pain her whole life worst is what will happen to her after i leave this world. But i made sure i spoke to many specialists before we made the final call. We also thought my gal is healthy. Her heartbeats are always strong. In later scans, her head was out of shape due to water in the brain. We were told intellectually she will also be challenged. When she was gone, i felt like i died with her too.
I wish you peace of mind in whatever decision that you make. I know you also want the best for your boy, at least he didnt need to come and suffer in this world.
Hi Vanilla
Hi Wee Chuen,
I had done the mid term pregnancy termination as my baby is detected to be a Trisomy 13 baby.. A rather rare case where no survival rate even if my baby is born.. I had the same procedure which is an induced method and deliver him by natural birth.. But I wasnt brave enough to look at him..
Currently, I am doing my confinement and taking the courage to update.. Life was like a roller coaster.. Everything seems so depressed for me.. Especially, when i see my surround friends either pregnant or had given birth to a newborn.. Felt life is so cruel to me..
Nevertheless, I am still finding my strength by telling myself that I had selected the right choice to let him rather than letting him be suffered after birth.. Because he will never reach his first birthday even after born.
I am still holding on to faith that my next baby will be a healthy baby and he will come back to me one day just like what the other mummies had said..
I had done the mid term pregnancy termination as my baby is detected to be a Trisomy 13 baby.. A rather rare case where no survival rate even if my baby is born.. I had the same procedure which is an induced method and deliver him by natural birth.. But I wasnt brave enough to look at him..
Currently, I am doing my confinement and taking the courage to update.. Life was like a roller coaster.. Everything seems so depressed for me.. Especially, when i see my surround friends either pregnant or had given birth to a newborn.. Felt life is so cruel to me..
Nevertheless, I am still finding my strength by telling myself that I had selected the right choice to let him rather than letting him be suffered after birth.. Because he will never reach his first birthday even after born.
I am still holding on to faith that my next baby will be a healthy baby and he will come back to me one day just like what the other mummies had said..
Hi Serene:
So sorry to see that your worst fears came true and u had to choose this painful path of terminating the pregnancy.
Whether or not you had a last look at your baby, be at peace that he is in a better place now.
Pls do not think that it is any fault of yours. Have a good confinement and nurse yourself back to health and you can always try again. The emotional scar will always be there and never be erased. Like for me, I still think about my baby especially when alone or at night. But it will get less painful as time goes by. Pls feel free to PM me if you need someone to talk to, don't let yourself fall into depression.
So sorry to see that your worst fears came true and u had to choose this painful path of terminating the pregnancy.
Whether or not you had a last look at your baby, be at peace that he is in a better place now.
Pls do not think that it is any fault of yours. Have a good confinement and nurse yourself back to health and you can always try again. The emotional scar will always be there and never be erased. Like for me, I still think about my baby especially when alone or at night. But it will get less painful as time goes by. Pls feel free to PM me if you need someone to talk to, don't let yourself fall into depression.
magmag2804
Member
Hi all,
I have been following this thread all the long since 2010, all of your stories bring much tears each time I read thru. I never can imagine the pain you all went.
I am blessed with 2 boys, born healthily in 2010 and 2011. Shortly after #2, I got pregnant at the 3rd month. It was an accident, however shortly at week 5, I had heavy bleeding like menses for a week. Due to the close age gap, I opt for natural miscarriage without the aid of jabs. I took pills only and did not bed rest. I continue my daily activities in a slower pace. My baby made it, make it thru oscars, thru detailed scan. It was a she, I was so happy, so so happy.
I had everything prepared for her, her arrival.
I carried the pregnancy to week 39 day 4. Everything was fine, I had show in the morning, regular contractions. So I check into tmc delivery suite. Upon gynae check I was only 1cm and baby is still not low enough, so gynae gave me the option to go back or induce. I opt for induce just like the brothers, they were all induce and deliver naturally.
After the pill insertion, I was monitor 2hrs and my gal had strong heartbeat. So we were send to the ward to rest and wait.
The contractions came at night, very painful and close, so I went to have my epidural. 10mins after the epidural, my gal strong heartbeat couldn't be detected! At that instance I knew she was gone. Gynae came and I was wheel into emergency csec. But it was too late. She was gone at week 39d4!
I was devastated. Why did this happen to me? She was a full grown 2.85kg baby! Her appearance looks normal. I did not send her for post moterm, cremeated her 2 days after.
No one could tell me what happen. Everything was perfectly fine.
I have been following this thread all the long since 2010, all of your stories bring much tears each time I read thru. I never can imagine the pain you all went.
I am blessed with 2 boys, born healthily in 2010 and 2011. Shortly after #2, I got pregnant at the 3rd month. It was an accident, however shortly at week 5, I had heavy bleeding like menses for a week. Due to the close age gap, I opt for natural miscarriage without the aid of jabs. I took pills only and did not bed rest. I continue my daily activities in a slower pace. My baby made it, make it thru oscars, thru detailed scan. It was a she, I was so happy, so so happy.
I had everything prepared for her, her arrival.
I carried the pregnancy to week 39 day 4. Everything was fine, I had show in the morning, regular contractions. So I check into tmc delivery suite. Upon gynae check I was only 1cm and baby is still not low enough, so gynae gave me the option to go back or induce. I opt for induce just like the brothers, they were all induce and deliver naturally.
After the pill insertion, I was monitor 2hrs and my gal had strong heartbeat. So we were send to the ward to rest and wait.
The contractions came at night, very painful and close, so I went to have my epidural. 10mins after the epidural, my gal strong heartbeat couldn't be detected! At that instance I knew she was gone. Gynae came and I was wheel into emergency csec. But it was too late. She was gone at week 39d4!
I was devastated. Why did this happen to me? She was a full grown 2.85kg baby! Her appearance looks normal. I did not send her for post moterm, cremeated her 2 days after.
No one could tell me what happen. Everything was perfectly fine.
