Advise on Baby & Maid Exps

Lani/Tamarind,
You ladies are right. I've done wrong since the beginning REPEATEDLY. I should have made sure that they tuned to WORK mode since day 1. Keep them on the toes till they are familiar with our requirements and standards. Then, befriend them when I get to know them better. **Sigh** The frequent change of maids really reflect badly on my maid management style.
 


Mommies,
Realized that my maid dun really play with my dd. This afternoon, she gave her a stack of flash cards and let her play with it. While, I'm having my lunch, she would carry my dd away and "hide" at the other corner of patio (where nobody could see) looking outside till I finish my lunch. Likewise when my hb and I had dinner, she would bring her out to the patio n walk to n fro. I would expect the maid to play with my dd (15 mths old) in her room where there are toys and books. But she just doesn't seem to be interested, n will close the bedroom door, while walked out through another sliding door to the patio and stare outside. She would carry her and stand for half an hr outside as long as it takes that amt of time to finish our meal.

So far, we've yet to hear her sing to the baby though she claimed during interview that she knows how to.

Would you close one eye, two eyes, or "compel" (in this case) her to play with yr baby?
 
I'm really worried that I would have the same/other types of problems with the next maid. Changing few maids within a short span of time is no joke. While I would provide for my maid and ensure that her well being is taken care of. E.g I told her to let me know if there's anything that she needs, at my expense (except phonecard). Let her choose the fragrant of her deodorant in Marks &Spencer(as recommended by Lani). Making sure that I stock up enough food for her BF/lunch (eg. biscuits/breads/peanut butter/jam/butter/milo/fishballs/chicken franks/sardine/baked beans/vegetables/eggs/instant noodles/tempeh/vermicelli)
As for weekday dinner (weekend dun have to cook), will be eating the same dishes as us. Inaddition, she is asked to set aside a portion of all the dishes for herself before hb and I start our dinner.)

I've low tolerance of hygiene, laziness, dishonesty and who dun play with my dd. Will give her a piece of my mind when these are not conform. If there's a better way to work these out, would appreciate if you could share with me.
 
Patsy,
I am planning to keep my father's maid and send away the other one. Like you say my kids will get bigger, but my father will get older and it's better to have someone looking after him. The reward system doesn't work, because I can see that these 2 maids are trying their best to work hard already. I believe there is a limit to a person's ability. I don't want to over stress a maid.

The big problem is my mother, who is supervising the maids since I work full time. She is very fussy when it comes to matters concerning the kids. When my maid go on off day and I have to do everything, I suffer under my mother. She made me do so many things ! And she is always complaining that me or the maid is slow. She is those "super" mommy who single handedly brought up me and my brother, in those days without washing machine. It's really difficult to match her standard. I can never seem to find a maid whom my mother is satisfied with.

Sarah's mom,
Like you I will not tolerate a maid who doesn't like to play with my kids. I understand how you feel about the next maid who can be even worst. I would advise you to take your time to search for a good maid. Try to look for those with good recommendations from the employer. I don't think your maid management style causes your maids to be like that. Sometimes a maid is so hopeless there is nothing you could have done.
 
Tamarind: that's good that your maids are trying their best, sometimes that's all we can ask, right? Guess that's the pro's and con's of having our parents closeby. Much as I like to have my mum visit (parents come about 6-10 times a year), after the 2nd week i'm already starting to pull my hair coz she's so set with how she does things that it drives me crazy... specially when she cooks dinner where she will have minimum 4-5 dishes for the 4 of us. Then she'll realize we have to clean the kitchen so i have no choice but to help her scrub out the WHOLE kitchen after a full days work, damn siong! But then again, with your parents with you there's someone who will see if the maid is doing what she's really supposed to be doing, right? i think life then was so much simpler, even with all the new conveniences we have now.

Sarah's mom (btw, your DD same name as me
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), from what i can see you've treated her very well, she gets such good stuff to eat, and isn't overworked i guess, maybe she's just not the type who enjoys playing with kids and if you're main intention of having a maid is for the baby, then maybe you're better off finding another one, one who is more inclined towards children.
 
tamarind & others ... I agree that we should role model for our kids.

At home, we thank the maid for her cooking, cleaning, helping etc etc. The kids hv to thank her for cooking their meal and greet her before they start their meal tooo. They hv to greet her when they come home, when they wake up and before they sleep too ...

It definitely make her feel respected and good. She grew to like the kids more. Initially she is also quite helpless and dun know how to play with the boys. Now she is very relaxed with them, and can play board games with them sometimes too.
 
sarah's mom,
i am also VERY particular about my maid playing with my dd. i told her from Day 1 that when i ask her to take care of my dd, she is to play with her (either play, read books, watch dvds, etc), and not just sit there and stare at my dd doing nothing with her. so my maid is quite diligent in this area, cause i was pretty specific with her.

sometimes when hubby and i eating dinner, i ask my maid to bring my dd into her bedroom and play inside there, cause got more books and also can turn on aircon. when they are in the room the baby monitor is always on, so hubby and i can hear what's going on. i can hear that they are either reading or playing, cause sometimes my dd will laugh & squeal until very loud leh!
 
Patsy,
So, yr dd's name is Patsy? haha..I think Sarah is a really sweet name. My hb and I thought abt this name at the same time while on the flight. Can you imagine? :)) Good for you! :)

Tamarind/Patsy/Lani,
Oh yes, I do make sure their well being is taken care off. Even when I was in the midst of work/reading/tv at 10something, would stop and asked her to goto bed. Told her to sleep between 9.45pm-10pm. She said she wasn't use to it as her 1st employer asked her to sleep at 1am. Few days ago, she claimed that it was 11-12 midnight. Lied...
Told her to wake up at 6am, she asked if she could wake up at 4-5am. Claimed that she wanted to start the day early, also coz the 1st employer make her wake up at those hours. Few days ago, she claimed that her 1st employer only asked her to wake up at 6.15am. Lied again...

What happened was she couldn't even wake up at 6am since 2nd day for consecutive 6 days. After counselling (when she beat my bb), she woke up at 7.20am (worst). We were the ones to wake her up on those days.
 
Oh, on the positive note, she has the best English proficiency despite being in Singapore for less than 3 months(2 months with 1st employer). Ironically, couldn't make full use of it since she lied about every other matters (incl. casual chat). Hence, communication breakdown.

Also, strangely, my bb was not that aversed towards her as compared to the first 3 maids. She is pretty inconsistent. Sometimes, she would appear to be really enjoying playing with my dd (but my mom thought her laughter is unnatural), other times, just doesn't play with her./
It keeps me thinking all the time if she's suitable for my dd. Sometime, she is good, other times, bad. What if dd is not receptive to the next maid? I'm really not sure at this point in time. Take care of my dd and put aside any tasks at hand till dd sleeps. This is my requirement to her. Except for the core cleaning duties, I've never insisted that she needs to finish her work within the same day. No time table given as well.
 
Sarah's mum, no lah, my name is Sarah, my DD's name very long , Samantha Beatrice so we just call her Xaby. I think with regards to your maid, you have to just tell her firmly you don't like her weaving stories, just say it as it is, no exaggerations! I find a lot of maids like to exaggerate how badly they were treated etc in an effor to gain sympathy from you, never fall for it!
 
hi
my myanmar maid simply refuses to open her mouth talking abt greeting. She seldom or never address me as mdm and that is why I also will not say thank you to her. She also will not say sorry for things she did wrong.

My hub says that is her home culture and maybe she is not used to it. What does that mean? Even if she cant speak weak, just a few words will kill her?

She is quite timid and not so proficient in English but I already told her many times to speak up to learn.
 
HI,

I posted sometime back that my maid is looking for a new employer. She has registered with an agency and they have found an expat employer for her but the employer is not willing to pay for her passport renewal. Her passport is expiring in March 2007 so she asked me to do it for her. My concern is that I will be asked to sign an empployment contract. Does it mean that by signing this contract I am binded to keep her for 2 more years?

Can anyone enlighten me on this and the procedures to renew her passport?

TIA
 
When is your contract with this maid ending? Her current passport expiry shld be after her contract with you ended.

So, if she register with the agency and the agency is charging loan/service fee from the expat, the agency should be the one paying for the renewal.

I hv the same problem with my maid. Her passport expire in May, but her contract with me expired Feb. So I chk with my agency. If I extend contract with my maid or I transfer her to another person myself, the whoever taking over will hv to pay her passport renewal.

If the maid completes her contract with me, she register with the agency, the agency will take care of her passport renewal/air ticket/etc etc and find her a new employer. SO this new employee pays agency $$ and loan.

So I think the expat employer is aware, that's why they not willing to pay for her passsport renewal.
 
Hi Emma,
I think culturally they are very soft spoken & timid. And also quite hard for them to voice out Sir and Mdm. So my gf, with similiar problem as yours on greeting issue, got her maid to address them as MR and MRS. Strangely she can lor.

Well, maybe if you start thanking her 1st, maybe she will be more open to thank you back & greet you.
 
bluebell,
if i remember correctly, you said her contract with you expiring already right? if that's the case then you are not obligated to renew for her at all, so don't do it. if she signed on with an agency and the agency has found her a new employer, obviously the agency would have charged that new employer agency fees, so it's the agency's responsibility to renew her passport for her, and not yours.
 
Hi Kook-car,

She already registered with an agent but the agent told her they will help her renew for $500 at her expense so she asked me for help. She is willing to pay herself and if I do it for her it will only cost her $230.

Can you email me your agent?

I think I better ask her to change agent.

Hi Lani,

That's what I thot. The agent is charging my maid $500 agent fees and will still get another sum from the new employer and yet refuse to help
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Hi jes,
she is Indo, very quiet introvert type. Got her as a transfer maid as her previous owner comment that she doesn't know how to play with the kids. (Her previous sent her back to agent within 2 wks !!)

When she first came to our hsehld, she appeared helpful and dun really know how to "play" with them. I take it that in different culture "play" means different activities.

So she was only instructed to concentrate with the hsework. That takes pressure off her.

She'll hv to observe how I "play" with the kids, what activities I do as "play". And how the 2 boys interact & "play". Abt 1-2 mths later, she is more at ease and join in the boy's "bang bang-ah! I'm shot" game, jigsaw puzzles, marble games, badminton etc, without even being told to.

But given her English standard, she shuns the reading and other vocabulary related games.
 
Hi all,
Need some help...

I have finally chosen my maid. We didnt really look around much and chosen a transfer maid who happened to be at the agency that day. :p The reason (according to agent lah) for transfer was that the granny who helped to care for the baby decided that her face was too pimply. We were like "huh??!!" Then the maid said in Malay to agent, "Scared make baby" So we thought the old lady prob afraid that she will pass the pimples to the young child ba....

Her eyes look kind and she played with my girl while we were there. She also re-tied my girl's messy hair without us saying anything. Well, my fren says could be acting... but then benefit of the doubt lor...since we are in a hurry to get one.

Now have to cross my fingers and toes and everything else that she will be good. Haven't got to do a list of rules for her... thinking to do it along the way... too tired to be thinking of it with the merry season coming....But thought of the list of things she must do on daily/weekly/monthly basis.

Anything else I need to do/know/ prepare? Going to get a mattress/pillow/blanket and a chest of plastic drawers this weekend.

I dun mind to let her use machine for her clothes. But only thing is, how often? Cannot be daily right? But due to her work nature, her clothes will be more dirty, cannot expect her to keep 3 days before washing?

Do you all let your helper to keep your clothes in your warerobe?

Is there a need to get a Eng-Indo-Eng dictionary for her? Only my MIL speak malay but we hope she can learn english to communicate with my 3yr old daughter who loves to talk and be talked to... kkekeke

Lastly, do i have to spelt it out for her that if serious offences like stealing, befriending male strangers, bringing them home or endangering my girl = off she goes and police report? Ermm... me first time employ maid, dunno how to and when to speak with her regarding these things... Sit her down and talk??

Sorry for the silly questions. Thanks.
 
Hi hi, all the best to having a new maid ... here are some of my feedback, hope useful to you.

washing her clothes it depends from various hsehold. Some hsehold uses washing machine daily, some alternate days, etc. So does she has enough clothings to last her while "waiting" to use the washing machine? Does she waste water when washing her own clothes? But I think do insist that she handwash her underwears/bras, not throw into washing machine.

Indo/Eng Eng/Indo dictionary Perhaps you might not be aware, Malsysian Bahasa & Singapore Bahasa & Indo Bahasa are all different for many terms/things. My dad & MIL speaks Bahasa but many times the maid still dont quite understand them. So I still feel that getting 1 will reduce mis-communication. Small investment, reduce stress, and maid has no chance to say I dun understand what your instructions. Available @ Popular bkstore.

Keeping clothes I dun wish to give her any excuse to open my cupboard. So she fold & place on my bed, I keep myself. She only keep the kids' clothes.

Offences My agency has a list which they'll go though b4 passing maid to us. Check with your agency if they hv and what they'll do to "brainwash" the maids. I find that setting the scene right is important, so I sure advise spend 30 min to set the expectation right. And thereafter wkly/fortnightly/mthly revision of it as well. I PM you the list, the agency made the maid sign it to show that they understand it.
 
Linda,
First thing you have to know about choosing maid, is don't believe everything the agent said. They will say anything to find the maid a new employer, otherwise they will lose money. If they said she is lazy or stupid, who will take her ?

The reason given about the pimply face seems unbelievable. It takes a lot of hassle to change maid and it costs money too, unless a family is very rich they will not change maid for trivial reasons.

I would advise you to go to MOM online to check on how many employers she had before. It is common for maid agencies to lie about a maid's work experience.
 
Hi Kookcar
Thanks for the sound advise. Will take note. So I will have to sit her down to do it yes? Was hoping to advoid it... maybe first time employ maid, like very pai seh like this... Lots of people told me must be very strict with maids and all...hope I can manage. I a bit bo chap mostly.

I only expect her to wake abt 730pm or even 8pm cos we wake late and sleep late esp if we go out. Sound ok yes?

Yes, that's y I thot the dictionary will work out well for us. Thinking to get a friend to translate my requirements to Bahasa Indonsian for me so tt the maid will not have excuses not to understand my most basic needs regarding my girl.

Hi Tamarind
I thot so too...but then again, understanding some old people, they actually will mind. Seen worst reactions from strangers on my SIL's acne prone face. They actually point their fingers and says "yeeeeKS"

The another transfer maid there, she actually told us straight that some years back, an employer whose a doc found her blood dirty...so send her back. Now recover liao... surely that's worst than being lazy? Hmm...we wouldn't take her lor since have to care for child.

Perhaps we also too rushed for time liao. So never go search around much. Just crossing our fingers that she will be fair enough. Will go online to check. But can use the work permit number under my name hor? Hahaha... by then wonder if it is too late. Hoping for the best lah
 
Hi Linda,
waking up late is oki to us too. Our hsehold, she wakes up abt 7-7:30am too. We are oki so long as she wakes up earlier than us to make breakfast & help with morning rush. She sleeps ard 10pm with te kids too. I think most important is she gets enough rest lor.

Sitting her down to talk to her seems confrontational, and it is normal that most of us are not used to it. But it is best to layout all the DOs and DONTs, then to guess @ eachother. She'll be guessing your requirement and you'll be guessing if she understands. Lagi worst, bad for family household karma.
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SIL pimples I'm working with a nutritionist who uses digestive enzyme to aid body detoxification. I hv seen her clients whose suffer from face outbreaks heal very well. If yourself or SIL interested can PM me.
 
Linda,
Every maid has the same work permit number, no matter how many times they change employers. Even before you hire a maid, you can ask the maid agent to show you her employment records on the MOM website.

I have encountered so many maid agents lying to me, that's why I am really weary of them.

She may still be a good maid, you will never know until you start to use her. Good luck !
 
Anyone has tried Mymnar maids? I heard they are now in demand in the market after the Sunday Times report on them a couple of weeks ago.

I have just sent my Indon maid of 8 months back to the agency 2 weeks ago. A long story...

I am getting a Mymnar maid (my 3rd maid already!) and she is coming around end Jan next year. The agent that I went to actually arranged for the manager to fly to Mymnar personally to interview and select the maids. The maid that I have chosen is so claimed by the manager his "favourite girl" in terms of working attitude..

I am now keeping my fingers crossed that this maid will work out..but worry that I cannot communicate with her since their English proficiency is not that good..therefore, I am now preparing a timetable and a list of simple English terms to prepare her when she starts work for me..
 
Hi all,
Just to share something. For those working mommies who want to "spy" on their maids, or just want to see what the kids are doing at home, you can consider this cheap and easy method.

1. Install Skype phone from www.skype.com. It's free ! Install at both work and home PC. You can set it to automatic receive incoming calls.

2. Get a web cam. I got one from Logitec, costs only $82. Installation is very easy. Just plug into the USB port and install the software. Can be done within a few mins.

3. Call home from work using Skype ! You can see and talk to your kids
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If you install the web cam at work too, your kids can also see Mommy. You can leave it on for as long as you like, it's completely free !
 
hi kook car
Thanks for the suggestions. I have decided to let her handwash her own clothes and towels on the advise of grandma. Only bedsheets machine wash. She's coming tomorrow!!! I am so excited...dunno why...like having a new member of the family... only thing is scare she bring more trouble than joy. Hoping that she will be good lor... so worried regarding her taking care of my child. I have printed out your code of discipline and change certain parts. Also have written some impt things like care for my child, what should she look out for (ie kid's feeding time, milk time, tell us when kid falls) in english and gotten my indo colleague to translate for me. Then I will just ask her to read it when she comes here. kekekeke... I reckon that would be easier than a 'confrontation'. Also gotten her a english-indo-english dictionary to read if she doesn't understand.

Hi Taramind
I just check online MOM. So far she has only worked for one employer from 13/06/2006. Only thing is that it did not state the end date? Maybe must wait for her new workpermit to be issued first? Like that means her ex employer still paying for her levy ah?
 
Oh Kook car
Forgot to mention, SIL's acne is ok now. She suffered a lot during secondary till end of Poly. Only after we started work then she save enuff to go for peeling at a doc. Since then her face is better but still got the scars, but at least better than reddish purplish marks lor... Ur work sounds interesting... can help a lot of people...i remember a kid in the train pointed to my SIL and ask the mummy "why jie jie face like this?" Aiyoh... thank god SIL is ok liao...
 
Linda,
Yes her ex-employer is still paying for her levy. She is waiting for transfer, her work permit is not cancelled yet, so there is no end date.

If you send a maid back to the agency, you also have to pay her levy until she finds a new employer.
 
linda,
since this is your 1st time employing maid, and you really don't know how good or bad your maid will be, my advice is to just be VERY strict with her 1st, from the beginning. then later on if you want, you can be a bit more relaxed with her regarding some of your rules, or maybe can start extending some priveleges to her. i find it's easier this way. cause if you start off with being very relaxed and bo chap with her in the beginning (eg allowing her to wake up at 8am, or allowing her to use washing machine for her own clothes), then later on if you want to change the rules (eg ask her to wake up 7am instead, or get her to handwash her own clothes instead) gonna be VERY difficult, cause they will be unhappy when you change the rules and make it more strict for them. it's always easier the other way around.
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also, if you have time, try to go back and read some of the archives on this thread, cause there were some good advice given by other moms, eg getting a daily schedule for your maid, rules about what she can/cannot eat in your home, etc.
 
Hi taramind
OIC... I wonder how long was she at the agency... Better cross my fingers that she is good. Dun wanna send her back and waste my $$ on levy.

Hi Lani
Yes, I have that advise too. And I think it is right to be strict with her NOW then later lor. She might resent it later hor?
I intend to adopt a no-nonsense attitude first but hir, already quite diff on my end cos I by nature very bo chap. Sigh...plus hubby is that kind of people who likes to treat everyone well. And I cannot take leave to instruct maid at home. Depend on MIL, but MIL also not fierce type lor.... So what to do? Hopefully, I can instill some sense into the maid over tis coming long weekend.

We are picking her up late evening and attending a wake first before bringing her home. So I reckon by the time we reach home, I will have no time for her and her being first time in our house, sure dunno what to do. Sigh... Luckily MIL can speak malay, maybe can get her to do some chores until I get home in the evening lor.

BTW mummies
Am I too lax if I say she can have up to 2 cups of coffee/tea daily? Like morning, I expect her to have breakfast (ie bread and coffee) then do the chores. Afternoon, if she is hungary, she can have another one.
 
linda,
with regards to food, i buy all my maid seperate food items, ie. her own coffee, tea, sugar, creamer, milo, biscuits, bread, jam, kaya, canned food, instant noodles, snacks, etc, etc. so that way she can eat all her own food to her heart's content, then i don't have to limit her to how much she should eat per day. but i did specify to her that she cannot eat our food (eg our cookies, chocolates, coffee, bread, etc), she can only eat her food or what we've designated that she can eat (eg sometimes we buy kueh or snacks to eat in the afternoon i always put aside some for her and tell her she can have that). cause i heard some horror stories of maid eating up a whole pack of oreo cookies in a day, or 1 whole bag of sugar in a week, or worse, eating the baby's or kid's food! that's why i didn't want such problems, so i buy seperate food for her and don't allow her to eat our food.
 
Hi Lani

Thanks for the advise. It is a good idea but I have to clear my cupboard for her stuff then... But how soon or often does she finishes all?
She just arrived today, and cos we came home abt 1045pm, I simply just run thru the most basic things like what to do tomorrow and I told her she can eat the kueh I bought. But the rest (mainly child's biscuits cos we dun snack much), she will have to ask for permission first.

I reckon I must use this coming super long weekend to really explain the rest. Coffee/tea you buy those 3-in-1 type? I thot then I won't have to get creamer and such...
 
linda,
my maid is a small eater (in fact we were concerned over her lack of eating at one stage cause she was dieting), so her food lasts quite long.

she eats bread for breakfast everyday, so 1 jumbo loaf can last her about 1 week. i buy the big bottle of coffee, big packet of creamer and 1kg pack of sugar, and those last her about 1mth. i also buy a big packet of teabags for her, and that lasts longer than 1mth. as for her biscuits, she doesn't eat much of that, maybe only sometimes for breakfast or tea time. i bought her 1 of those big tin with assorted biscuits, but then it took her a long time to finish it (think she doesn't really like those sweet biscuits) so i didn't buy that anymore. she likes those cream crackers with sugar, so i just buy her that. 1 $2 packet from NTUC lasts about 2-3 weeks. she also likes to snack on prawn crackers, so i will buy that for her from NTUC. 1 big packet ($2 i think) lasts about 1-2 weeks. her instant noodles also lasts quite long, cause i don't really encourage her to eat that too often, as it's not too healthy. she will eat the instant noodles only occasionally for lunch, esp on days when we are not home or i skip lunch.

different maids will finish off their food/drinks, etc at different speeds - it all really depends on your maid's appetite lor. for me i am not too concerned, as long as the rate seems reasonable to me i won't complain. of course if let's say 1 loaf of bread she can finish in 2-3 days or 1kg bag of sugar can finish in 1 week then i will start to question lor...

in your case you just monitor and gauge your maid's eating habits lor. if to you it seems fine and you got no complaints, then just let it be. but if you feel she is finishing the food so fast, then maybe sit down and ask her nicely how come she can finish everything so fast. if her answer doesn't seem satisfactory to you, and you feel she needs to consume them at a slower pace, then just let her know that from now onwards, you will only buy a certain amount of food (make sure this is reasonable and enough) for her weekly/monthly consumption, and she will need to "ration" them properly.

i don't buy my maid the 3-in-1 type cause i thought better if i let her decide if she wants sugar/creamer in her coffee or not. but most employers buy the 3-in-1 for their maids for the convenience factor.

you must really take the time this long weekend to not only explain everything to her, but to teach her and show her how to do everything ard the house. if her main job is to take care of your bb, then my advice is to start with and focus on that first, once that's settled then start worrying about the rest.

i am a SAHM so i am home all day to supervise my maid, so my situation is slightly different from yours.
 
Hi Lani
Thanks for the details.. Yes, I cannot afford to take anymore leave to properly instruct her so will have to focus on care for my child. Luckily, my girl wanted her to carry when we left the house for work this morning... she used to cling on and cry when we leave, not even my MIL can pacify her. Hoping that's a good sign esp when the maid only came yesterday night.

I also told her repeatedly that she is to play and jagar my girl and bond with her so that the girl will follow her. I will also let my MIL know to make caring for child as the first priority.

Guess it will take some time to really get used to her and her to us, afterall she is only here for less than a day. Told her to try to speak english also.

So far, she takes initiative to care for child. And is able to understand basic instructions, advantage of having a transfer maid is tt she knows mopping floor = ask where pail, detergent, mop is, doing laundry = knowing how to use bamboo poles in HDB, knowing how to hang out laundry etc. So I am spared teaching most basic stuff.

Decided to tell her that if she receive any money, or presents, she will have to tell me and I will tabulate for her. When she goes home, anything excess of the tabulations, she will not be able to bring home. That way, I think she will understand that she cannot steal.
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Hi all,
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~~ HAPPY NEW YEAR ~~

Honeygem,
why would you wanna give food allowance? Wont it be more economical to get her to cook her own simple fried rice/noodle? Just need to provide veggy & meat & carbo food.
 
hi ladies
sorry, but i think i need to vent my frustrations...
I think I always get more emotional and easily worked up while pregnant, which is the case now. This morning, I raised my voice while talking to my maid, who again leave my washed and wet clothes in the pail and not hang up. I usually speaks nicely to her and always with "please"or"thanks". So, she also raised her voice and told me that she is actually waiting to ask my hubby whether can use the dryer or not coz' the laundry area still filled with my MIL and her clothes.
I'm so sick of morning sickness and now of her.I admit it's not nice to raise my voice in the first place and she's getting more slack. Minutes ago, I was in the living room surfing the net, and heard her washing my dd's milk bottle. Only heard she shaking the bottle up and down, then done liao. I went in to check afterwards, as expected, the brush for washing the bottle is dry.

Woke up early at 5am the other day coz' can't sleep well. then realise my maid wakes up at 6.50am while we agreed on 6.30am. I am angry coz' we have agreed she will sleep at 10pm and she's turning in at 9pm but we close one eye, now still wake up late and turn in early! I asked her and she told me she wakes up at 7am everyday coz'she has body ache. I am worried coz' this is not the first time she told me this, and always after I found her doing something "wrong".
Like many of you, I'm so afraid to have another maid with worse problems. I try choosing experienced one so i don't have to supervise her too much and Philippino coz'my MIL insists on non-indonesian and phil speaks better english. but now, i think obedience and dilligence is very important.

Can anyone enlightened me how to choose a good maid?
 
Lis,
I agree that when our hormones are upside down, we flare up easier. So, dun blame yourself, blame the hormones ...

The milk bottle incident happened to me b4 too! My 1st maid did the same and I remember I screamed from the kitchen asking her where is the bottle brush. She ran in, pointed it out to me (it was actually at the sink and I purposely asked her aloud) I took it and started washing the milk bottle myself, while asking her "you know why I am washing the milk bottles again?" She'll always retort back that she forgot. And I'll go on nagging pple learn and remember and improve, blah blah blah ... sigh ....

My hubby will console me ... "if she is any better, she would hv been working in other jobs that needs more brain, not as a maid."

Can only AH-Q like tt lor ... even not the 2nd baby come out grumpy ...
 
Hi Kook car,

The problem is she doesnt eat the western meals I cook for my hubby and my hubby doesnt eat asian food much at all. She takes lots of fish but hubby and I dont eat fish. So there are always separate cooking and groceries for both of them.

Sometimes I feel that I'm not giving her enough food cos by mid week, the vegies I buy for the household are almost gone. She can finish 10 eggs in one week. At times, I wonder is it because she is a big eater?

I dont want to feel that Im starving her. I know she does manual work and need all that food. But it just makes me wonder whether I should set an amount for her every week since her food intake is like a separate grocery on its own. I have been replenishing her food more so than my hubby's.
 
Hi Lis
How long has your maid been with you?

Like you, I am a first time employer. My maid has been here only for 3 days. She was employed for 6mths previously but returned cos of the pimples tt grew on her face. According to her and agent, the previous employer didn't want her cos the baby was always rubbing its face on the maid. So maybe they scare it will pass on to baby.

Due to time constraint, we wanted a transfer maid. But now I realised its got its advantages. As previous employer had trained her liao, she doesn't need to be told how to keep my groceries, she goes around looking for things to do. for a day 3 maid, I would say she is pretty ok. She plays silly games with my girl when she is free. I am quite happy with her too, just crossing fingers she will continue to be good.

Choosing a good maid is really luck, just like I dun if my luck will ever run out. An experienced maid might equal to more stubborn cos more worldly, refusing to do things your way cos she "has been doing it HER way" for a long time. I do admit that for unexperienced Indo, language is a BIG problem. I find myself (not pregnant) also flaring when she cannot understand what I mean, so not to mention you. Your hormones are creating an impact on you lah.. dun blame yourself.
 
Hi Honeygem,
Sounds like you hv got one of those "eat-to-their-heart-content" maids.

I agree that we shld not starve them. They are working for us, making sure they hv enough food is our responsibility. But then again, over-feeding them is no good too. Old grandmother's saying "when you feed the apetite big, it'll just get bigger and bigger!"

Maybe I could share with you what my maid eats ... for dinner the maid will have 1 meat dish(alternate fish & chken) and 1 veggy dish with her rice. If I cook some western dish or my invention dishes, she'll hv to prepare her own food.

For lunch, she takes 1 egg or ikan billis + veggy/carrot/beans with her noodle. Sometimes she'll fry rice or noodle, sometimes soup noodle, sometimes last nite's leftover. If it is my groceries day in the morning, I'll buy a pack of Nasi Lemak for her lunch. She takes 1 fruit everyday, usually apple/banana/pear/orange.

For breakfast, she eats 2 slice of bread with jam/kaya/butter + milo or coffee. If no bread, there is always plain cracker biscuits in the tin. Once a week, we'll hv roti prata - everyone's favourite.

So if you works backwards, it translate to the following amt for 1 wk ... so same as you, I need to top-up my groceries 2-3 times a week.
* 4-5 eggs
* 4-5 packs of leafy veg,
* 4-5 carrots,
* 3-4 portion of fish,
* 3-5 portions of chicken,
* 1 loaf of bread,
* 15-20 packs of coffee (for 1 mth)
* 1 can of milo (for 1 mth).

Perhaps you can try some of my tricks ... (I call this my subtle psychological hinting trick
biggrin.gif
)
* invite her to weigh herself whenever you weigh yourself
* keep telling my kids & family & the maid the goodness of eating 70% full for health reasons ( but must sound geninue that it is for her good)
* stress how cholestral builds up in our blood vessel due to too much fatty acid (EGG is one of the culprit, adults shld eat only 3-4 eggs a wk!)
 
hi Kook_car
i think your husband's statement is cool...yeah, true lor, but the thing is my maid is not stupid, but too clever.

Linda
my maid's with me for 3mths liao. she has been with her 1st employer for 4years. So she knows what to do, but also how to laze cleverly. I told her off when i saw her mop with her leg (steady rite), but she's still doing it now, sometimes in front of me. Think her ex-employer quite lenient with her, she claimed that she has her own room with a TV. Sorry lor, working with me not so luxurious.

Is indo maids' english that bad? hm...i don't mind dialect speaking ones, but hardworking and good attitude is very impt to me now...
 
kook_car, honeygem,
I used to give my ex-maid $50 a week to buy her own food (raw meat and vegetables to cook for herself). She will spend about $20+ and return me the rest of the money.

For my current maids (2 of them), I am buying everything for them. They will cook for themselves. For one week, I will buy

1. 2 big packs of frozen chicken wings/drumsticks, $6.50 each

2. 1 whole tenggiri fish about $10, or 6 selar fish less than $10

3. Vegetables less than $10

4. 3 - 4 loafs of bread, $1.00 a loaf

5. 10 eggs

I even have leftovers every week. My maids like to drink milo, but I limit it to 2 cans a month. They also like peanut butter jam and will finish very fast. But I will only buy 2 bottles every month. If they finish early I don't care. It's not my concern whether the maid is a big eater, I will buy a reasonable amount of food and will not replenish.
 
lis,
my maid is indo, and with exp in Sin and HK, and her english is pretty good. in fact i've noticed that with all the indo maids in my neighbourhood, their english are all pretty good leh (i converse with them in english and sometimes bahasa)! so if you want to change to an indo with reasonable english maybe get a Sin transfer maid lor.
 
honeygem,
i think the grocery list tamarind has is pretty comprehensive.

btw, can your maid cook her own meals well? if so, then what you can get her to do is batch cook her own food, then eat 1 portion today and pack the rest in individual portions and keep in freezer, then as and when she wants to eat lunch or dinner get her to thaw and reheat them, and she just needs to cook rice and maybe boil some veggies or fry an egg.

this is what i do for my maid. whenever we cook dinner, i will get her to cook a slightly bigger portion, then we will set aside a few individual portions for her to keep in freezer. so basically in the freezer she would have maybe 2-3 portions of 5 different dishes at any one time. she can eat these anytime for lunch, or for dinner on days when she is home alone. all she needs to do is just cook rice.

i also buy instant noodles for my maid, and will buy for her fish balls, veges, nuggets, eggs, etc. some days when she feels like having noddles (fried or soupy) she will just cook a packet of instant noodles and add in her own ingredients.
 
kook_car, tamarind, lani,

thanks so much for your excellent tips. Finally a solution to my growing headache on never-ending groceries. Yay!

So now I know how much I should stock up per week.

I dont mind her eating any food in the house it's just that lately whenever I want to cook something for myself, the meat/vegies that I need are gone and those were the things bought only a couple of days ago. It's quite frustrating especially when Im hungry. ha.
 


excellent ideas lani, tamarind and kook_car,

however, i buy groceries as and when i m free, and i buy in quantities. so its hard for me to keep track of her consumption. looks like i need to review my buying habits. any suggestions as to how? thanks
 
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