Advice needed.. soon to be married but found about his affair ...

[Daberyoueeen]

dear all, sorry I’m not a mom.

Please listen to my story.

So I met current fiancé 3 years back and have been together ever since.

His work requires him to be at Malaysia 2 weeks every month.

We are suppose to get married this June (~40 day-ish) .

However this recent months I suspected something is off and one day I checked on his mobile and found that he had a “affair” since end of last year... and from the pics I’m pretty sure it’s physical and maybe emotionally invested as well. I told him to choose either her or me and I will leave gracefully .

We have a bto flat thats only completed in 2020. A wedding in June . However all the expenses are not a factor since it’ll only be worst if I enter a loveless and futile marriage.

He told me he ended the affair in question however I am still distrustful. He told me he will still want to get married to me .

But why does he wants that ? Since we have no commitments (in a sense) and no children , isn’t it better for him to end now ?

I’m just confused, in addition to this impending wedding .

I love him and he claims to love me as well. But I’m just afraid .

 

[margret]

This is a long term commitment.
If really there is no more trust, better to let go.

 

[Mongkok]

The trust has collapsed. He requires time to earn it back.

Unless you are in a hurry, you may postpone it since your bto is a period of time away.

 

[Eppy]

dear all, sorry I’m not a mom.

Please listen to my story.

So I met current fiancé 3 years back and have been together ever since.

His work requires him to be at Malaysia 2 weeks every month.

We are suppose to get married this June (~40 day-ish) .

However this recent months I suspected something is off and one day I checked on his mobile and found that he had a “affair” since end of last year... and from the pics I’m pretty sure it’s physical and maybe emotionally invested as well. I told him to choose either her or me and I will leave gracefully .

We have a bto flat thats only completed in 2020. A wedding in June . However all the expenses are not a factor since it’ll only be worst if I enter a loveless and futile marriage.

He told me he ended the affair in question however I am still distrustful. He told me he will still want to get married to me .

But why does he wants that ? Since we have no commitments (in a sense) and no children , isn’t it better for him to end now ?

I’m just confused, in addition to this impending wedding .

I love him and he claims to love me as well. But I’m just afraid .

It’s best to postpone the wedding. See and feel if he has repented.Remember it’s easy to get married But very difficult to divorce. It’s your future and life. I suggest you go and have a body check if you are sexually active with your boyfriend.

 

[sharon_ang]

Before more commitments come in. Make sure this is the correct guy who u will hand him your future.
Divorce is very hurting and not something u want to go thru.

 

[Zcshop]

Hi, sorry to hear abt that. Give yourself a few days to relax and think abt it.

U need to think whether he is someone that u want to spend the whole of your life with and if he is, then u must also know that u need to trust him. It is very tiring if u keep thinking about whether he is straying esp after he is married to you. And things will get worse if u hv kids. If u hv e slightest doubt about this, u may wan to consider postponing the wedding. Marriage is a big thing n u should move forward inly when u r very sure about it.

 

[Daberyoueeen]

Thanks everyone for the advice...

I’m just in a very bad place now...

Thinking of going on a short trip nearby for a week to clear my head...

 

[aquietkindofpeace]

I think you should go for the retreat.

Having an affair means that somewhere somehow the current relationship does not meet his needs. If restart would you have the confidence to mitigate this?

My ex Boyfriend many years ago did the same to me but we were not getting married then. He regretted and back pedaled and pulled all stops to win me back. I even had well meaning people who preached forgiveness. Ie I should be big hearted to forgive and restart.

The two points which held me back were my bestie then and the key question would he be a great father to my future children. I know the answer and hence in the end did not restart.

Jia you girl and may you have peace with ur decision. U can ignore the other people opinions. Life is short as evidenced by the young lives who passed on in this past week.

 

[Cindy Tay]

TS,

Your case is similar to my 1st ex and myself in the past. We were about to get married (about 2-3 months more), when I accidentally found out about his affair after some suspicious act from him. After confrontation, he eventually admitted to the affair and claimed that the girl and him have ended, and said he still love me etc, and hope to have a family with me.

The trust is broken, and I need time to reconsider this relationship. I proposed to him to postpone the wedding to later stage. At first he doesn't want, and I insists on it, where he eventually agreed to postpone. I told him as well I need time to cool off, and don't contact one another at the moment. I went for a trip thereafter, and tour around the world. Went to different places, to experience different culture, living, and thinking for about 2 months or so.

After that, I suggested to call off the wedding, and probably already 2 months no contact/no see of one another, he agreed to it as well.

Thinking back, I will say that I have made a better decision to call of the wedding, and not continue it. Otherwise I will not have met my current hubby, and give birth to 2 lovely kids with him.

Based on experience, I will say that, don't do things too rush. Give yourself some time. It will be good to go for a trip to think, and consider. It's also a way to keep you calm, and really think of what you should do.

Best of luck...