iwahb, don't be too hard on yourself. You are doing very well already. It is not easy to go through so much to get pregnant, go through the pregnancy and finally having the baby in our hand, for you is two babies, the xinku (hardship) and happiness is doubled!
It is a blessing to be able to receive help from the elderly. Learn to trust them, they will not harm the babies since they are also their flesh and blood.
For me, i put my baby to baby sitter from 7.30am to 7pm, at night, when i bring him home, my father in law will help me look after while i bathe and eat. after that i will take over. I will make him sleep then mother in law help to relieve me by sleeping with him from sunday to thursday so that i will not be so tired during work the next day. He still wakes for milk one time and water several times at night.Weekend i look after him on my own, with some help from them as well, but minimal.
For the bm that u feel they warmed up too hot, don't worry too much ok, hot bm is still better than fm, right? just close one eye. think about it, some ppl will scaled (not sure the spelling) the bm before freezing to prevent the metallic smell, isnt' scalding the milk killing more anitbodies than hot bm???
I have a hard time adjusting from being carefree person to having a baby to look after, not to mention you have two, but trust me, things will definitely get better. As your babies grow older, you will feel more relax. But new challenges set in when they start crawling and learning how to walk. Take each step at a time. When you feel down and stress, tell yourself, you wish for a healthy baby and your wish is doubly granted so be thankful okay.
This is a very good platform for us to encourage one another, so if u feel down, just continue to share them out here and i am sure you will be able to pick yourself up each time....and come back stronger.